Remember when we used to sleep in on the weekends, stay up late, have some drinks, be intimate…?

It seems like a lifetime ago that we first met and started dating. Not in a bad way—just that we have grown so much as a couple and been through so many things in what is a short amount of time that it skews one’s perception. I feel about us the same way I do when I think about the beach in the early morning: it’s a combination of the smells, sounds and peacefulness that allows me to feel truly happy.

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I know I don’t tell you enough but I still love you. I love you more than when I first met you and I continue to love you more each day. I cannot imagine life without you.

Through these years, we have changed. It was inevitable! We have grown, learned and adapted. We have fought. We have made up. And I know we will be faced with much more. Our nights now consist of a screaming baby and Jeopardy. Sometimes wine. And just so you know, I wouldn’t have it any other way. We may not go out on fancy dates and usually are in bed by 9pm, but I am happy. And I hope you are too.

Our journey through IVF has been emotional. The decisions we have had to make, the loss and what eventually turned out to be a baby have been nothing short of overwhelming. Thank you for being there with me and for navigating this with me. I know it has had its impacts on you and you’ve had your own feelings which you usually keep inside. I’m there with you and I recognize your sacrifices and all the effort, energy and love you have contributed.

I hope your heart is fuller now being called a father.

Your health has always been a topic we have had to discuss. I cannot put myself in your shoes and understand what it is like to have conversations based around my passing or what it’s like to live with a terminal illness.

Frankly, I don’t know how I would be able to accomplish anything. But you have accomplished so much. You are the most amazing, resilient, and strong person I have ever known and probably ever will. Please know that I will always be there for you, whatever the future holds—although I cannot fathom the idea of being without you.

I know being a stay-at-home dad was a difficult transition. Your feelings of not “contributing” or helping financially are valid, but unrealistic. I have come to think that this may have all happened for a reason: to allow you to spend more time with your child.

It has taken some adjusting but I think we are doing well and I feel that we are very fortunate in so many ways. Money comes and money goes. (Fortunately, we have it coming!) I will always do my best and work hard to make sure that we have a good life and all the things we need. And hopefully some of what we want, too!

Lastly, I still think you’re sexy. I sneak peeks at you when you’re changing. I love the salt and pepper in your hair. I still enjoy laying my head on your shoulder in the early mornings before the baby wakes up. Your smell, your laugh, your corny jokes—well, okay, maybe not your jokes. You are so handsome in so many ways and I only have eyes for you.

I cherish this time that we have together. I love that we make the most of each day and each situation. You are my soulmate and my best friend—and I will always love you.

 

Featured Photo Courtesy: The AmbiMom