Mommy-hood sprung on you like flowers in the springtime, after the stork dropped a bundle of joy at your door and forgot to leave the dad. Devastating, but not the end of the world.
Here’s what you should know: Being single is not a disease. Being a single mom is not a handicap. To find yourself solely responsible for the health and well-being of a child can be overwhelming, and while being a mother is a life sentence, being a single mom is not a death sentence.
There was a time long ago, when it seemed like single moms and women who had children were looked over in the dating and work stream because they were perceived as having too much baggage. Today, they are an asset. Not just as potential wives and life-partners, but as business partners and leaders. They have overcome some of life’s greatest challenges, demonstrating their relentlessness and resilience.
Single moms are proving more and more that they can run lucrative businesses from home and be as productive working from home, as someone on a 9-5. Moms and single mothers are the go to, when looking for the best deals and the latest products to hit the market. For that, they contribute to a substantial portion of brand awareness campaigns, in the influence markets; being targeted by some of the world’s most notorious companies, who seek to reach moms. Know this: You are useful. You are resourceful. You are valuable.
ON BEING SINGLE
Being a Single Mom is not what we strive to be. But hey, let’s face it. For some of us, our affirmation is, “I woke up like this” -Niedria
You don’t have to do it alone: This is our biggest fear. The fear of being alone in the process of raising healthy children. The fear of having no one around when we need assistance and guidance, advice, counsel and wisdom.
Utilize your immediate network of family, your friends and organizations My mother was and still is my strongest ally. When you access your immediate network, you remain in a constant state of motivation.
Extended Support: Take advantage of the extended support (available through church or community activities) and opportunities to become involved with people who will assist you in finding programs that provide resources. Even if it’s temporary assistance, don’t be afraid to use it so that you can position yourself to win.
Access local resources: Many libraries list groups where you can meet and have discussions with other moms. Attend seminars, where you can get connected with local moms, parenting groups and others alike.
Everything takes time: Trust the process. This is something that I not only tell you, but it’s something I remind myself of everyday. If you need to tell yourself, over and over, to remind yourself that it’s a process, then do it. Try not to become bogged down in the desire to achieve immediate results. That’s something that I am guilty of. Stand back and look at the whole picture, even when you feel like time is running out. Have a Plan A, B and C, but don’t spread yourself too thin. Give the appropriate amount of time and attention to each plan as you go.
ON BEING MOM
I adopted a “Mother First” mantra. Before I considered anything, I chose to take in account how it would serve my child as well. This boiled down to lifestyle choices. We all live very different lives, in which we must tailor our decisions.
This entails making lists, setting reminders, scheduling things in advance, making appointments for the future. Use a filing system, a planner or a white board to write down important dates to remember.
Focus and Prioritize: Sharply define your center point. (Where am I now?) Start there. Then readjust where needed, for clarity of what’s most important, to properly file and address things accordingly in life.
Plan Ahead For Urgent Situations: Create an emergency list of family and friends, as well as useful numbers for emergency personnel. Place the list in an area where it can be accessed.
Preparation: Making use of free time to prepare for your day. Such as: packing items you may need before leaving home, like for a day at the park, zoo, mall, movies or anywhere else.
You don’t have to tell everyone that you are single: You don’t have to take every phone number that’s offered and you certainly shouldn’t give yours out to everyone. You’d want to practice discretion in dating and be mindful of the company you keep.
You don’t have to answer all the questions as to why you’re still single: When do you plan on getting married? Don’t feel pressured. Once again, being a single mom is not synonymous with desperate. Take your time choosing a partner. Do not rush to settle. If you have learned anything from the stork who left the bundle at the door, it’s to not open the door for just anyone.
Single moms have demonstrated what they can bring to the table in providing nourishment and stability. To the mature and distinguished man, these moms are attractive, in that they are independent, responsible, successful and sexy, at the same damn time.
When and if you do find someone, you will wonder when the right time to introduce significant other to your child. This is something that only you can gauge. It’s O.K. to seek advice from close friends who truly have your best interest at heart. Sometimes it’s good to consult with friends. Just be sure that you have overcome all your objectives in the relationship, as to what you want to bring around your child. A general rule of thumb, if you can’t bring him home, leave him alone.