Parenting fact 101: once baby exits the womb, life is forever changed. Instantly, conversations about your baby’s bowel movements are the new norm, yoga pants are life and date nights are never quite the same again (partially because of conversations about baby poo and yoga pants). Read on to see some commonly, funny ways date night goes down differently once baby makes three.

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Photo: Jacob Brown Photography via Flickr

Date night before baby: You decide at 6 p.m. to grab drinks at 7 p.m.

Date night after baby: Exiting the house on a whim with just the two of you? Yeah, that’s illegal. Expect at least two weeks of advance planning to coordinate your escape. Finding reliable childcare isn’t for the faint of heart. And, if the sitter cancels at the last minute? Family date night it is.

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Photo credit: BuzzFarmers via Flickr

Date night before baby: You pulled out your phone without abandon to post up pics on your Instagram.

Date night after baby: Forget selfies. Stealthily glancing under the table every five minutes to see if there is a text from the sitter or to open the handy-but-kinda-creepy nanny-cam app is your new obsession.


Date night before baby: Netflix and chill.

Date night after baby: “Netflix and chill” is literally Netflix and chill, with baby, hopefully sleeping.

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Photo credit: Shari via Flickr

Date night before baby: You spent a leisurely hour or two showering, shaving and blowing your hair out to perfection.

Date night after baby: You can go from hot mess to hot mama in under five minutes flat. (Hello, topknot!) So what if your last shower happened last week and Cousin It is hiding out under your skinny jeans.

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Photo credit: Andrew Seaman via Flickr

Date night before baby: Your date night budget is spent on your date.

Date night after baby: Your date night budget is your sitter’s college fund.

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Photo credit: mt 23 via Flickr

Date night before baby: Leaving your house is as simple as locking your door on the way out.

Date night after baby: Go over the written checklist detailing every possible emergency scenario (and respective instructions) with the sitter one. more. time. Then, do it again. Tear up as your partner puts the car into drive, seriously think about cancelling, then blurt out a rational thought like: “Let’s just take baby with us. Babies love five-course meals!”

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Photo credit: Ambernectar 13 via Flickr

Date night before baby: You connect over intellectually stimulating topics like the meaning of life.

Date night after baby: You try not to talk about baby. Then, you fail. You agree to only discuss the most sophisticated aspects of parenting—like how cute baby is when she blows spit bubbles or sucks on her toes.

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Photo credit: mattewreid via Flickr

Date night before baby: It ain’t no thang to stay out ’til last call.

Date night after baby: You rush to get home by 10. Then, you’re up ’til 2 a.m. anyway. It’s baby’s turn to belly up to the (milk) bar.

Tell us: How do your post-baby date nights compare to your pre-baby nights out?

—Suzanna Palmer