I’m done trying to be “normal.”
I mean, what is “normal” anyway. I keep hearing this term, “the new normal” which brings me a sense of peace. I guess it’s just a fancy way of saying life is just a series of phases that keeps changing and life is not always going to be as it is right now for the rest of your life.
Ever since I had twins I have tried to do the normal things that I did before they were born. I actually dislocated my daughters’ arm (turns out she has nurse’s maid elbow) because I was trying to be a “normal” person. I was holding her hand along with her twin brother while walking my four-year-old into preschool when my twins decided to simultaneously pull the “play dead” trick where they fall to the ground while I was holding their hands with their full body weight.
That was a fun visit to the pediatrician as she popped it back into place. The doctor looked perplexed when I told her I was trying to be a normal person who walks her children into school and she simply said, “Don’t try to be normal, this is your new normal.” Doing everyday things is not an easy task with three kids under 4 in tow. Don’t expect everything to go smoothly. Give yourself a break.
I recently heard about a woman who brought her one-year-old twins to a doctor’s appointment and was in tears because they didn’t behave and she wanted to know how all of “those women” do it. She seemed to think that a majority of moms with twin one-year-olds take them to important personal appointments and those children behave perfectly. All I thought was, who are these fictitious women she is talking about? I’m certainly not one of them. I don’t think I have met any of them.
I mean, who is? Of course, there are days where you feel like a superhero mom. You get to the grocery store and get out without a major meltdown or snacks being thrown down every aisle. However, the majority of my days don’t go that way.
I have found myself using babysitters many times to just go about life like a “normal” person. You know, the things “normal people” do like getting a haircut, going to a doctor appointment or…standing in a hot parking lot by yourself waiting for your older kids to come back from day camp on a bus. (Yes, I actually booked a babysitter to stand in a hot parking lot by myself.)
It’s hard to realize that you need extra help in everyday tasks, and it’s even harder to ask for it. But when you do, it’s life-changing.
I think having twins propelled me to a place where I needed to accept that I couldn’t do it all, all of the time. And it also helped me to see that not everyone expects me to and they are willing to help. Why do I always think that everyone else has it together but me?
No one has ever come up to me and said, “Wow, I really have my sh** together.”
Yet, for whatever reason, I still compare myself to other moms and think to myself (as I am sweating to get my kids buckled into their car seats with their backs arched and screaming bloody murder at the top of their lungs) that I am the only one that this happens to.
We are all in this together. It is called motherhood. A series of ups and downs figuring it out together along the way.
So I will just fasten my seatbelt, grab an extra large coffee and give myself a break. This is my new normal and that’s okay.