If My Toddler Could Talk Like an Grownup, Here’s What She’d Tell You

Here’s what I imagine my toddler would say when she’s sleeping–if she could talk like a grownup.

“Hi. My name is Sloane. I may be sleeping now but as soon as I wake up I will immediately start talking, planning, playing, goofing and asserting what I want.”

“Some may say that I can go from zero to 100 in 2.5 seconds. I don’t always listen (sometimes I do!) but when I do—I immediately start enforcing these rules on everyone else around me. My nanny Tami tells me this is not the best way to make friends.”

“I do love people, so I learn to go with the flow…sometimes. In my quest for authority and control, I started trying to enforce these rules on adults—but then I almost lost my fruit snacks. Not worth it.”

“This may be hard on some people now but once I get bigger it is all going to pay off. I will write screen plays, lead business people, make people laugh and say “no “to peer pressure. Then last, but not certainly least, I will get to do my favorite job—which is to be a doctor. But for now, I’ll live in my own little world doing what I want, when I can.”

“I’ll embrace the discipline, the protection, the wrestle and the struggle so that I can be the best version of me…someday. I’ll keep caring for boo boos, learning how to love friends and even, dare I say, listening to my adults!”

“I’m a good kid. Goofy, funny, pretty and smart.”

“And if I learn this now—I’ll be better later.”