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In a survey done on the site Quora, men were asked “What are some things to NOT do or say when your wife is pregnant?” Some answers made us laugh hysterically, and others made us mad. Scroll below to see some fatherly advice (and share this with a soon-to-be dad you know!).

1. When my wife was pregnant with our first, she was confined to bed. She went from 115 pounds to 210. One day, close to delivery when she was free to move about, she lay in a little inflatable pool on our patio. I gazed at her in the little pool, and called her “Baby Shamu”. Now my wife was an Israeli army captain, and taught judo so she could easily kill me. I’m just lucky she didn’t. — Gary Stiffelman

2. If you ever find yourself saying something like, “I’m tired of going to Taco Bell for you, can you have an apple instead?” You better have the sentence, “I’m just kidding, I’d be happy to. What can I get you?” coming right after it. It’s best to let her eat what she wants, when she wants. If not, you’re asking for a fight. — Jagir Jhaveri

3. My sister was almost due. Her husband had been married before, and had two kids. He was watching Top Gear on the TV (he really, really likes Top Gear). She said “I think it’s time to go to the hospital.” He said “We can go after Top Gear. I’ve had two babies, so I know.” She said “You haven’t had any (bleep) babies”. And punched him in the face. —Anonymous

4. “Could you not bleed on the carpet – we’ll lose the deposit.” — Dan Knight

5. “I know how you feel.” — Hugo Venturini

What are some things you advice people not to say or do to a mom-to-be? Let us know in the comments below!