Who is this person taking over your body? It’s the new you — that’s who. Parenthood will change anybody in funny, wild and wonderful ways. Here are 18 things that happen.

1. You call everyone under four feet tall “sweetheart” or “sweetie.”


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2. You rarely get to have all of your desert to yourself. Everyone wants a bite.


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3. You swear you’re not scatterbrained … and then you realize you walked out the door wearing your leggings inside out and tried to unlock your car with a pacifier.


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4. Something will inevitably break. Something important like your great-great grandmother’s 18th-century tea set.


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5. You’ve learned how to turn the most simple and cheap things (like a plain ol’ bucket of water) into hours of afternoon fun.


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6. You frequently end phone conversations with “Stop that! Gotta go.” And your friends understand why.


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7. Hand sanitizer never leaves your side. Like, never. No, seriously, never-ever.


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8. You call your husband “Daddy” in a way that is anything but kinky. Even in public. Even long after the kids have gone to bed.


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9. You start talking in a high-pitched baby voice at home and sometimes to the grocery store checkout person, by accident.


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10. You point out the cute doggie or the firetruck, and then realize your kids aren’t in the car and your best friend isn’t all that interested in “pretty doggies.”


11. The slow cooker has become your new best friend.


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12. What gym? Your workout routine now consists of squatting to pick up the toys and books littering your living room. Feel the burn!


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13. You turn around every time you hear “Mom!” Even if your kids aren’t with you.


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14. Your purse contains everything your family needs to survive for days, including half-eaten snacks from last November.


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15. You vow to teach your kid good manners. And it works out — sometimes.


photo credit: Janine Dodge 

16. You have one really buff arm from carrying around a massive diaper bag. And, after that, a 20-pound toddler.


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17. You think “sleeping in” is waking up at the ripe hour of 6:30 a.m.


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18. You feel like your real, true self. And you’ve never been filled with so much love.


photo credit: Kristina Moy

— Kristina Moy, Ayren Jackson-Cannady, Phebe Wahl, Meghan Rose, Janine Dodge, Ruby Germain, Erin Lem & Kelly Aiglon