Do you struggle like many moms to find mom friends? I have gone through many times like this in my life and wanted to share some things I have learned.
When I was in high school I didn’t want to have a schedule that was too restrictive because if someone wanted to hang out I wanted to be available. Now I will say that this wasn’t a totally conscious decision, it was something that got stuck in my mind that I should do if I wanted to accumulate all of the friends.
Now I did have a friend or two with whom I would sometimes hang out, but I had many more unplanned Fridays and Saturdays and missed high school events because of lack of friends. So enter my plan of being available.
I am now an expert on how well just being available works to find friends. It doesn’t. At least not the way I did it, I was missing a pretty major key to being available. I waited for someone to pick me to be their friend,
for someone to pick me.
Someone to say “Hi, you want to hang out sometime?”
I lived in a smaller town with only one high school, so I already knew everyone’s name, but I secretly hoped someone (bonus points if they were cool) would realize I was cool and want to suddenly be my friend. My cool new best friend never materialized.
“For every person or group that picks you, there is one that doesn’t — or even a hundred of them. You can spend your whole life trying to please them all, and never take any action whatsoever toward your dream.” – Jeff Goins
I realized two things about that time in my life, partially because it’s still ingrained in my subconscious.
Many other people were probably doing the same thing. I needed to pick myself. After I have picked me I need to be the one to pick others.
I wasted ALOT of time waiting around for someone to notice how cool I am (by the way I am super awesome!) Instead, that time would have better been spent picking myself. What do I mean by that?
What do I mean pick yourself?
Spend time doing things you enjoy. You will most likely find like-minded individuals doing things you love, plus they will get to see your awesomeness shine while doing it too!
Here are a few ideas of how to get out and do something you love while meeting other people:
Join a class to learn more about your interests. Many stores offer free or low-cost classes you can take to further your knowledge about your interests. Places like Michaels’, Rei, Home Depot or Apple to name a few.
Check out Meetup.com and see if they have any groups you could join with people that like the same things you do. I am currently a member of a local homeschool group through meetup, but I will mention that this one requires a little bravery for me to be the new person in an already established group. I am learning I have a tendency towards being a quiet observer when I first enter a group which could be a blessing and a curse.
Go for a walk in the neighborhood and strike up a conversation. I met a neighbor a few months back because I asked if she was having her yearly neighborhood tomato sale. Turns out the prior summer was her last year because her husband who had done all the gardening had passed away. I was saddened by what she told me and amazed that just asking a simple question could lead to so much openness. You never know what people are dying to share with another.
Want to stay home (or need to because of littles?) Try out a local buy nothing group. If you have some things you would like to give away you can put them up on the site and people will come to you. This is a national yet local group and one of it’s main goals is to develop community through giving away stuff we no longer need. Many of the people in my local group are also moms like us. So check out your local one and see what you think!
Often what stops us from meeting other friends and befriending them is fear. We think what if she doesn’t like me or worse what if she judges me? Then I realize I have the freedom to move on and find friends elsewhere. So here’s to stepping out and finding those mom friends we need so much!
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