Parents of preschoolers are a breed unto ourselves. While those with older children can blend into the rest of the world’s adult population with little to set them apart, there’s no such camouflage for those of us toting toddlers (and sippy cups, and snacks, and crayons and 3 different types of derriere lotion). Here’s what gives us away:
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1. You find LEGOs, tiny animals and crayons at the bottom of your washing machine.
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2. You’d Better Watch Out, You’d Better Not Cry is our favorite song to sing. In July.
3. You have to explain why the Tooth Fairy is not scary.
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4. You find yourself reminding your husband, “You can’t negotiate with a terrorist.”
5. Batteries are more precious than kryptonite.
Photo: Donnie Ray Jones via flickr Creative Commons.
6. You can tell time by what’s on Disney Jr.
7. You answer the questions “Why do we breathe air? Why is the sky blue? Why is why?” fifty times a day.
Photo: Kyla Duhamel via flickr Creative Commons.
8. You point out airplanes and helicopters to other adults.
9. You carry a portable potty in the back of your car.
10. You haven’t used the bathroom alone in 5 years.
11. You feel bad for Elmo, who was dropped like a bad habit in favor of Peppa Pig.
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12. You think Sharpies should be outlawed.
13. You have to admit, the word “butt” is pretty funny.
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14. You find silence both thrilling and terrifying.
15. Skinny dipping makes the MOST sense on a vacation, because bathing suits are just so. much. work.
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16. You’ve said “you can’t have any more French fries until you eat another chicken nugget” before, and meant it.
17. Their “personal style” includes a vast array of patterns and colors, and yours has started to look a lot like theirs.
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18. A crowded bar scene for dinner is a-ok when there’s a pirate statue and a playground.
19. You’re at the mercy of the big-Poo. Anywhere. Anytime.
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20. You have an iPad tucked in your purse at all times, just in case of emergency.
21. You could sleep at a red light.
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22. Your shopvac breaks when you try to vacuum your car out.
23. Happy hour starts at nap time.
Photo: Jill Simonson via flickr Creative Commons
24. You wonder why everything doesn’t come with a 5-point harness sewn in.
25. Daniel the Tiger’s intro song is stuck on repeat in your mind… all… day… long.
26. You have the most fun.
How do you fly your flag as the parent of a preschooler? Share your funny moments with us in a comment below.
— Shelley Massey, Gabby Cullen, Sara Olsher, Mimi O’Connor, Julie Seguss, Kristina Moy, Ayren Jackson-Cannady, and Amber Guetebier