Now that our oldest two are at the ages of understanding what’s being said around them and picking up on just about everything (little sponges) I cringe every time this topic is brought up, I’m smiling on the outside but dreading the words I know that I’m about to hear. I’m a mom, so naturally, I worry, I worry that they will subconsciously hear from other people that their father should not be satisfied with his girls, that he should long for the boy we are never going to have. Kids are remarkable and resilient and at times thankfully unaware of things around them but they also take a lot to heart.
There is a specific moment that’s burned into my memory from the other month when I had my oldest at the grocery store. We were checking out and the lady cashier was talking with Ava–my sweet girl was telling her all about her new baby sister and occasionally mentioning her other sister. The lady looks me square in the eyes and blurts out, “I feel so sorry for your husband, three girls..man that’s rough.”
Now I could have had a few choice words to say but I tend to live my life on the passive side of the highway so I just nodded and went about my business. I did, however, glance at Ava to see if she noticed the comment and the gravity of it but thankfully she was happily oblivious to the comment and people-watching in the cashier lane beside us. As we walked out to the car, those words hung over me like heavy anchors weighing me down and I couldn’t shake them. Although I’ve heard it all before, especially since finding out the gender of our third. I’ve developed a tough exterior my girls haven’t and they will continue to get older and become more self-aware of these comments.
Don’t feel sorry for him. He is a good dad. A content dad with a heart overflowing with love. He is thankful for the three little girls we have been so blessed with. We are happy. We are satisfied with our lives, a boy would not make us happier nor our lives more complete.
We have healthy children. He’s not slighted because they are of the female gender because it’s not all tea parties and tutus and Barbies around here; these girls love to throw on their boots caked in manure and head up to the farm, puddle jump, run the aisles of the dairy barn and feed the cows straight from their hands. We don’t hold them back, we don’t gender restrain them, we simply let them be kids–our kids who we were given for a purpose.
The next time you feel sad or sorry for a family that has children of the same gender, think twice, that family is the way it’s supposed to be. It’s the way God intended it to be for at least that moment in time. This also goes for only children families, I’m an only child and I do believe that I’ve turned out to be a well-adjusted adult and a decent human being even though I didn’t grow up with siblings.
So when you see that girl dad at the store, don’t feel bad for him because he has three weddings to pay for and will probably have to create a spreadsheet for bathroom time during those teenage years. There is a reason he was given all of those girls. Also, don’t feel bad for the boy dad that you see wrangling his rambunctious boys in the parking lot because you’re afraid he’ll only know a life of baseball games, dump trucks and never know what it’s like to go to a dance recital. It’s ok. We are ok, we are families of same gender children and we are going to be just fine.
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