Imagine holding a job that was insanely stressful and involved crazy hours for no pay. And you worked for an extremely demanding boss who routinely ordered you to perform disgusting tasks, like wiping their butt. 

That’s parenthood for you, in a nutshell. It is by far the hardest work we’ll ever done, and despite how exhausting it is, we’re (mostly) happy to be doing it.

The on-the-job training is never complete, but I’ve learned a couple of things about babies so far. Here’s what I know:

1. Babies are never as deeply asleep as you think they are. 

2. If you so much as think about firing up Netflix, reading a book, or doing any other fun and relaxing thing while they sleep, they’ll wake up. 

3. The later you stay up at night, the earlier they’ll wake up in the morning. 

4. The more stressed you are about a particular outing, the more likely they are to puke on the way there. 

5. The cuter their outfit is, the more likely they are to poop on it.

6. The minute you put them in a fresh diaper, they’ll dirty it again. 

7. The moment you pull out your phone to snap a picture of some adorable thing they’re doing, they’ll stop doing it.

8. No matter how short you cut their nails, they’ll still be razor sharp. 

9. If you try to do anything that requires the use of your hands, they’ll immediately demand to be held. 

10. They’ll fight sleep with every ounce of their being if they’re in the crib, but they’ll sleep like an angel smack in the middle of your bed. 

Babies: it’s a good thing they’re so cute.