We all love our spouse (’til death do us part, right?), but these funny tweets hit home all too well. In 140 characters or less, these tweets truly capture #MarriedLife. Scroll down to read some of our favorites.
My husband wants me to start writing him meal plans, really… I prep all your meals, bruh. #marriedlife 💁🏻
— melissa de leon (@_MelissaDela) December 18, 2017
My wife and I disagree about when the proper time to open Stockings is. Yet we still make it work. Mostly because I've compromised and done it her way while accepting that she is fundamentally wrong. #Marriedlife
— TwinzerDad (@TwinzerDad) December 12, 2017
I honestly love that I am at the point in my life where a highlight of my morning was my wife and I exchanging texts regarding the merits of a side table for the bathroom.
— James Tyler Reichle (@jtreichleauthor) December 18, 2017
— Teen LaQueefa (@Muffin_Chips) December 18, 2017
When your husband takes vacation for a week, its a balance between letting him know you love and appreciate him and not killing him before he goes back to work. #MarriedLife
— Stacey Leah's Hempire (@staceyleah74) December 18, 2017
When the “thunder” is so loud it scares you and wakes you up…then realize it’s just your husband snoring 🙃 #MarriedLife
— Anna Williams (@annaE_125) December 17, 2017
Hubby has lost his hat, he knows I didn't like it so I am now the prime suspect in deliberately losing it, I tolerated the monstrosity for over a year #MarriedLife
— Dr EM supports Meghan Murphy (@PankhurstEM) December 17, 2017
I can hear the desire burning in my husband's voice as he purrs into the phone's receiver, "Yes. Yes, I will upgrade to the stuffed crust."#SunWIP #amwriting #WIP#MarriedLife #wifelife#wifie #humor #pizza
— K Kibbee–ON HIATUS (@K_Kibbee) December 17, 2017
Legit trying to wrap these presents as quick as I can to avoid criticism from Ally. She already walked in once and said, “ARE YOU SERIOUS??” #marriedlife
— Julie Blonien (@FYCF_Feevah) December 16, 2017
“I probably have the least amount of pimples of anyone you know.”
-How I flirt with my husband to keep the magic alive#marriedlife
— Marissa 💖 (@natsmama75) December 15, 2017
My son loves being called “my first born”. My wife HATES being called “my first wife”. I must remember to keep that straight. #Marriedlife
— Mike Norman (@altruist7717) December 12, 2017
A good morning text from my wife. pic.twitter.com/e6mHqXFaDr
— andy lassner (@andylassner) December 19, 2017
My wife just accused me of purchasing the bad kind of broccoli. I was pretty sure that was implied when she asked me to buy broccoli.#MarriedLife
— TwinzerDad (@TwinzerDad) December 17, 2017
My husband is deadass changing our online banking password til after Christmas so I can’t look at the statements and see where my presents came from 😂😩 That’s dedication #MarriedLife #MerryChristmas #christmas
— eri p (@eripryor) December 14, 2017
The fact that my wife didn't pack up my twin toddlers and make the hour drive at 6:30 am to pick me up from my return flight from the Hawaiian trip she didn't get to go on really makes me question how committed she is to this relationship.#MarriedLife
— TwinzerDad (@TwinzerDad) December 9, 2017
— TwinzerDad (@TwinzerDad) December 17, 2017
Wife: You know what sounds good? Fountain pops!
Me: Yeah, but I don't really want one that bad.
Anyway, I'm off to go get fountain pops. #MarriedLife
— Nathan Fletcher (@fletcher0854) December 10, 2017
It really turns me on when husbters takes initiative and updates our shared Google Doc #MarriedLife
— ~ e (@PurpleKibby) December 7, 2017
— Carlos Brodit (@cbrodit) December 6, 2017
Husband: Would you like to go to dinner with me tonight?
Me: Like a real date where we leave the house…together…without the baby?
Me: As long as I don't have to wear real pants. #marriedlife
— Jenny Nordbak (@JennyNordbak) December 6, 2017
You know you've been married a while when you can correctly answer "What's that one person's name in that movie about the thing?"
— Zachary Townsend (@Mr_Kapowski) November 4, 2016
"5 years ago i married my best friend, my soulmate, i love you"
"eat all the leftovers again and i will end you"
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) October 5, 2016
Waiting for him to figure out why I'm upset pic.twitter.com/5ChPGXzHQ0
— Ally (@TragicAllyHere) August 17, 2016
It's Friday night, so my wife and I drank wine and talked politics.
We had a 20 minute argument over brands of toilet paper.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) August 6, 2016
keeping our marriage fresh/exciting via texts pic.twitter.com/XB3dktiSnA
— Jeff Lyons (@usedwigs) January 16, 2016
Not to brag, but my husband just came back from shopping for my birthday gift, and he was carrying a Rite Aid bag.
— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) September 30, 2016
[gets home late from work]
me: Are the kids asleep?
me *goes into 9's room* *wakes him up* Where did you put the remote?
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) August 23, 2016
Text from wife: I'm so sorry, I'm gonna be about half an hour late
Me [forgot we were even meeting, still in bed]: you always do this
— David Hughes (@david8hughes) November 6, 2016
wife: Do you think you'll ever stop quoting "Gangsta's Paradise"?
me: The way things are going I don't know
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) January 21, 2015
Wife: I'm going to grab some dinner, you want anything?
Me: No thanks, I'm stuffed.
Wife: Ok, I'm going to Taco…
Me: I'll have 9 tacos.
— keith (@tchrquotes) February 28, 2015
Marriage is mostly about knowing which hand towels you can use and which ones are for the better people who visit your wife's home.
— Troy Johnson (@_troyjohnson) May 28, 2015
[Watching the dog sleep]
Wife: Why don't you ever look at me like that?
— Downtime Dad (@DowntimeDad) July 9, 2016
When you're married, 90% of a Friday night is asking "Do we have to go to this?"
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) November 5, 2016
I am the boss of me. And my wife is my boss’s boss.
— Kent Graham (@KentWGraham) December 31, 2015
My husband turned off the AC to open the windows and "let the fresh air in" and now our marriage is in serious jeopardy.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) August 15, 2016
My husband can sleep through anything except me shining a tiny light briefly on the book I'm reading in bed.
— Housy Wife (@wife_housy) August 6, 2016
Basically marriage is just hiding your favorite snacks from each other
— Flirt (@1MeLrO) September 22, 2015
Hey guys, if your wife says she's at home doing laundry, she's lying. She's at Target, they're all at Target, literally right this minute.
— BornHusky (@dlockw21) December 16, 2015
My son asked me what marriage is like so I yelled at him for not bringing out the garbage. He said I never asked him to. I rolled my eyes.
— Jennifer Lizza (@outsmartedmommy) March 25, 2016
For Valentine's Day my husband cleaned out the fridge and I literally could not be happier, if you're wondering what marriage is like.
— Ange Cavanagh (@ange_spange) February 14, 2016
Me: hey, did you grab my butt
Wife: yeah sorry, I was looking for the remote
— Rock🇺🇸 (@TheMichaelRock) November 6, 2016
I wish there was more trust in my marriage like where I could buy produce without my wife inspecting it like she's appraising a diamond.
— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) November 2, 2016
Husband: What are you upset about?
H: ok phew. I wanted to head to bed but you looke-
M: except everything
— Ash (an female) ⚪️ (@adult_mom) August 18, 2016
How to fold laundry like me:
1) Fold it in half.
2) Fold it in quarters.
3) Put it on the pile
4) Watch as my wife angrily refolds it.
— James Breakwell, Exploding Unicorn (@XplodingUnicorn) November 6, 2016
Marriage is just a bunch of text messages back and forth asking "What time are you coming home?"
— Kateb861 🇮🇹 (@kateb861) January 22, 2016
Husband secretly lowers the thermostat & I secretly turn it back up. We both vehemently deny touching it.
Marriage is fun.
— Stephanie Ortiz (@Six_Pack_Mom) October 13, 2016
me [about to put my head on my pillow]
wife: Can you do me a favor before you lay down?
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 28, 2016
I need you to be spontaneous. Be predictable. I need intimacy. Give me my space. Load the dishwasher. Not like that.
— Blu (@TwoSapphiresBlu) November 3, 2016
Like watching a fly trying to find an open window, only its my husband looking for something in plain sight.
— Tired Working Mom (@WorkingMom86) September 5, 2016
*wife wonders where I am*
*hears every musical snowman in the store start singing*
*knows where I am*
— Josh (@iwearaonesie) November 28, 2016
Which one is your favorite? Let us know in the comments below!