Those that know me, in real-life, have most likely walked up to my mom van, and been told to walk away, or close their eyes. While my house isn’t spotless, it’s pretty clean. I cannot say the same for my van- it’s downright embarrassing. When we bought it a couple of years ago, I swore we would keep it clean. It may not have been a brand-new car, but at just 3 years old, it was the newest car we had ever purchased, and I was very happy to have it. Obviously, I was kidding myself. Between the rush of day-to-day life, and traveling for sports, the things that can be found in my van on any given day are ridiculous.
60+ random things in my mom taxi
1. shriveled, dried up baby carrots
2. crayons
3. puzzle pieces
4. sippy cups filled with mold
5. garbage, so much garbage
6. dog hair
7. remnants of art projects that never made it in the house
8. dried-out, open markers
9. marker lids
10. permission slips, physical forms, doctor’s excuses– important papers that I spent hours searching for in the house and book bags.
11. rocks
12. sticks
13. legos– how are they EVERYWHERE??!
14. naked cabbage patch kids
15. socks
16. soccer balls
17. shin guards
18. more socks
19. no less than 12 boxes worth of empty juice pouches without the straws
20. the straws to said juice pouches
21. hockey sticks
22. hockey tape
23. hockey pucks
24. water bottles– gross, that’s as far as I’m going to go
25. nintendo ds games
26. puzzle pieces– Who does a puzzle in the car?
27. bouquets of dried up “flowers”
28. matchbox cars– my kids don’t even really play with matchbox cars. I have no idea how so many make their way into our van.
29. $394 in pennies (ok, so maybe not that much, but a lot)
30. fossilized french fries
31. single, loose batteries
32. completely unidentifiable objects
33. m&ms
34. keys that I have never seen and serve no purpose, yet are attached to key chains
35. more garbage
37. crumbs for days
38. dirty silverware (this may be the reason we only ever have 5 forks in the house)
39. stickers
40. apple cores (My children are apparently animals)
41. stuffed animals
42. ninja turtles
43. McDonald’s toys
44. Burger King toys
45. Burger King crowns (I swear we don’t even eat that much fast food)
46. more garbage
47. more crayons
48. more socks (my children clearly loathe socks)
49. bank lollipop wrappers
50. bank lollipop sticks with more garbage stuck to the ends of them
51. empty gatorade bottles
52. hundreds of dollars in play money (if only it were real)
53. mini hockey sticks
54. board game pieces
55. books
56. goldfish crackers
57. book bags, drawstring bags, lunch boxes filled with completely unrelated objects that I haven’t been able to find for months, that do not belong to my children.
58. sand
59. an entire cantaloupe
60. every flashlight we have ever owned
61. MY earbuds (NO, I was not the one who put them there)
62. more crumbs
63. more garbage
64. more pennies
65. more juice pouch straws (these all deserve several mentions)
I love my children dearly, but they’re gross. What are the odds they will grow out of this stage??!! If you’ve got any tips for my van, leave them in the comments. I can’t imagine I’m the only one with a messy van- although, I’m pretty sure we can all agree, mine is the grossest.
xoxo, lorrin
