Those that know me, in real-life, have most likely walked up to my mom van, and been told to walk away, or close their eyes.  While my house isn’t spotless, it’s pretty clean.  I cannot say the same for my van- it’s downright embarrassing.  When we bought it a couple of years ago, I swore we would keep it clean. It may not have been a brand-new car, but at just 3 years old, it was the newest car we had ever purchased, and I was very happy to have it.  Obviously, I was kidding myself.  Between the rush of day-to-day life, and traveling for sports, the things that can be found in my van on any given day are ridiculous.

60+ random things in my mom taxi

1. shriveled, dried up baby carrots 

2.  crayons

3.  puzzle pieces

4.  sippy cups filled with mold

5.  garbage, so much garbage

6.  dog hair

7.  remnants of art projects that never made it in the house

8.  dried-out, open markers

9.  marker lids

10.  permission slips, physical forms, doctor’s excuses– important papers that I spent hours searching for in the house and book bags.

11.  rocks

12.  sticks

13.  legos– how are they EVERYWHERE??!

14.  naked cabbage patch kids

15.  socks

16.  soccer balls

17.  shin guards

18.  more socks

19.  no less than 12 boxes worth of empty juice pouches without the straws

20. the straws to said juice pouches

21.  hockey sticks

22.  hockey tape

23.  hockey pucks

24.  water bottles– gross, that’s as far as I’m going to go

25.  nintendo ds games

26.  puzzle pieces–  Who does a puzzle in the car?

27.  bouquets of dried up “flowers”

28.  matchbox cars– my kids don’t even really play with matchbox cars.  I have no idea how so many make their way into our van.

29.  $394 in pennies (ok, so maybe not that much, but a lot)

30.  fossilized french fries

31.  single, loose batteries

32.  completely unidentifiable objects

33.  m&ms

34.  keys that I have never seen and serve no purpose, yet are attached to key chains

35.  more garbage

37.  crumbs for days

38.  dirty silverware (this may be the reason we only ever have 5 forks in the house)

39.  stickers

40.  apple cores  (My children are apparently animals)

41.  stuffed animals

42.  ninja turtles

43.  McDonald’s toys

44.  Burger King toys

45.  Burger King crowns (I swear we don’t even eat that much fast food)

46.  more garbage

47.  more crayons

48.  more socks (my children clearly loathe socks)

49.  bank lollipop wrappers

50.  bank lollipop sticks with more garbage stuck to the ends of them

51.  empty gatorade bottles

52.  hundreds of dollars in play money (if only it were real)

53.  mini hockey sticks

54.  board game pieces

55.  books

56.  goldfish crackers

57.  book bags, drawstring bags, lunch boxes filled with completely unrelated objects that I haven’t been able to find for months, that do not belong to my children.

58.  sand

59.  an entire cantaloupe

60.  every flashlight we have ever owned

61.  MY earbuds (NO, I was not the one who put them there)

62.  more crumbs

63.  more garbage

64.  more pennies

65.  more juice pouch straws (these all deserve several mentions)

I love my children dearly, but they’re gross.  What are the odds they will grow out of this stage??!!  If you’ve got any tips for my van, leave them in the comments.  I can’t imagine I’m the only one with a messy van- although, I’m pretty sure we can all agree, mine is the grossest.

xoxo, lorrin