Photo: Wendy Nielsen

I received my 18th Stitch Fix box. At this rate, some might consider me an optimist and others might call me a glutton for punishment.

Let me back it up here. Stitch Fix is a monthly subscription service where a box of brand new clothes arrives on your doorstep. Inside is filled with pants, shorts or dresses, blouses and knit tops, sweaters or outerwear, and accessories. Their stylists put together your monthly Fix based on a profile created when you sign up. The cost of the service is $20. You keep and pay for any items you like and mail back the other pieces you don’t like. If you hate everything and send it all back, it costs you $20. If you keep anything, the $20 is applied to the purchase.

The Stitch Fix model is fun, effortless shopping for busy women. So many of my friends love the service and rave about the convenience. There is also a lot of complaining on the internet about Stitch Fix, mostly that the price point is too high for brands that can be found at stores like Nordstrom Rack.

My thoughts? I really love when that box arrives. I am always hopeful for what’s inside. Will there be a pair of shorts that don’t make my legs look like tree stumps? How about the perfect pair of distressed denim jeans to replace my beloved ones from the Gap? Or a blouse that will finally make me look put together for mornings at school drop off but that I can also wear to record videos for Long Story Short.

I absolutely love the convenience because I really hate shopping for myself these days. I’d much rather be disappointed in my own home rather than do the walk of shame from the dressing room and field questions like “How’d those work out for you?”

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I do agree that the price point on some items can be high. I’m willing to pay a premium for quality clothing, especially denim, but this gal who typically shops at Old Navy and Target chokes on a $70 knit top and $40 necklace. Not to mention, I have purchased items in that price point from Stitch Fix and have found the quality to be on par with the fast fashion from my favorite retail stores.

What does any of this have to do with being too fat for Stitch Fix? Well, over the last 18 months my biggest complaint with the service is that the clothes do not fit. Now, of course a lot of that burden falls on me. If I lost the ten (or 20) pounds I’ve been saying I’m going to lose for the last 7 years, I might actually fit into the pieces they send me. But that aside, I’m really disappointed at the lack of variety they have for women my size.

Real talk here: I am a true size 12 and I typically wear a size large. With some brands, I wear an XL to accommodate my larger chest and long arms. I’m also tall, so I like pants that are long. I’ve fiddled with my Stitch Fix st‌yle profile several times and have given tons of feedback to my stylist about selecting brands that aren’t cut so slim or sending pieces that fit my dimensions. And each month, I receive a pair of pants that are too tight and too short and shirts that are too boxy and drapey.

I finally realized I might be too fat for Stitch Fix when I started keeping the accessories from each Fix and sending all the clothes back.

I’ve been dealing with immense feelings of self-hate for many months now. A lot of it has to do with how I feel, how I look physically, and since turning 40, how I am aging. I’ve been trying hard to navigate these rough waters. Part of the internal dialogue is conceding to this is who I am now and the other is screaming NO! YOU ARE NOT THIS PERSON! I certainly try to make changes and then find myself slipping into old habits because I am overcommitted to everything else in life except myself.

This all of course is not any fault of Stitch Fix. Yet, I find myself annoyed at this service that can’t accommodate styling the average size of an American woman.