baby and mother

photo: Guillaume de Germain via Unsplash

After many years of feeling drained as a partner and a mom, I decided to take my life back and stop going through the motions.

At some point, I lost a bit of myself along the way of raising my children.

I let go of my passions and only focused on what made my children happy. And the funny thing is, I didn’t even know it.

Years later, upon deep reflection, I realized and recognized the loss I was feeling.

I let go of me.

I stopped living for me and only woke up each day wondering how to make the lives of the people around me more fulfilled.

I let go of me.

I started to become a shell of a person simply going through the motions rather than living life each day. Even before the pandemic, I felt I was living day after day the same life over and over again.

I let go of me.

I didn’t wake up refreshed, ready to take on the day, rather I was tirelessly traipsing through the day with little to no emotion.

I let go of me.

I was trapped inside my own shell, knowing the walls to escape could be broken down, but no one could reach in and help me.

I had to emerge on my own.

And that, my friends, is exactly what I did.

I reached deep into my soul and pulled out the old wounds and dealt with them face to face.

I slowly started to find me.

I gently traveled to the parts that I had been missing, brushed myself off while being wrapped in a warm embrace, and invited myself back in again.

I slowly started to find me again.

I essentially stopped living life going through the motions.

I started living and I let go of the guilt.

I let go of the looming thoughts that burdened me. I stopped feeling selfish for the times I was making myself happy.

I slowly started to find me again.

I started living for my family as a whole.

Not just living for my husband. Not just going about my day for my children. But for me also. For the first time, I was living for all of us collectively.

I slowly started to find me again.

Life has not changed drastically, but how I look at my life has been altered.

Each day I am presented with decisions to make and I am living within the decisions, feeling each and every part of the day.

I am not going through the motions of filling a void in the hollow of the shell that once existed.

And oh, what a blessing it has been.

I found me!

This post originally appeared on Hang in there mama.