Thanks in part to Pinterest, some amazing Instagram filters and selective postings by your Facebook friends, the first week home with baby can look much different than reality. We hate to break it to you, but the first week home isn’t just a string of days spent cuddling a quiet, adorable, snuggly baby. You will get to do that (at least for a moment), but get prepared for the full flip flop your life is about to take by reading our funny breakdown of what the first week home with a newborn is really like.

newborn-baby-photo

Photo via Merille on Flickr creative commons

Fantasy: We’ll do lots of cute, Pinterest-inspired photo shoots to capture that squishy, new baby-ness.

Reality: Let’s just leave it at this… the term ‘Pinterest fail’ exists for a reason.

15809095182_42d1ca8215_z

Photo via Brandon on Flickr creative commons

Fantasy: Finally, I’ll have my body back and can start a healthy diet.

Reality: Give. Me. All. The. Food. This new mama will devour everything in sight.

watching-tv

Photo via 50826080@N00 on Flickr creative commons

Fantasy: I’ve read every book out there. I’ll have my baby sleeping through the night within days.

Reality: Sleep? What’s that? But, I can tell you the best shows on at 2 a.m.

pizza_for_dinnerPhoto via morli345 on Flickr creative commons

Fantasy: I’m on maternity leave and my husband has two weeks of paternity leave. Baby will be sleeping 18 or so hours a day. We’ll have home-cooked meals every night and eat dinner as a family at the table.

Reality: Baby has a funny way of needing to be held, like clockwork, from 5 p.m. until bedtime. Hello, I’d like two medium pizzas for delivery. Welcome to the witching hour(s).

Fresh_shower

Photo via 76588981@N02 on Flickr creative commons

Fantasy: When the baby sleeps, I’ll use that time to shower and pick up around the house.

Reality: I’ve discovered how long you really can go without “having” to take a shower. (Hint: You don’t want to know the answer.)

Scrapbooking_for_babyPhoto via aliedwards on Flickr creative commons

Fantasy: I’ll get started on putting his baby book together and write out his birth story right away.

Reality: Sleep trumps doing anything else, including baby book. Sorry, kid, my iPhone photos will have to do.

meeting_new_baby

Photo via comedynose on Flickr creative commons

Fantasy: I can’t wait to show off my baby to my friends and have people come by and visit.

Reality: You’ll seriously start contemplating having a timer go off after 15 minutes, signaling to visitors they’ve overstayed their welcome. Can’t they see you’re exhausted?

baby_nursery_first_week_home

Photo via easement on Flickr creative commons

Fantasy: I spent nine months creating the perfect, most beautiful nursery. It’s finally time to use it!

Reality: The nursery will likely be the cleanest, least-used room in the house. Baby will prefer Mom’s chest or Dad’s arms to sleep, and you may or may not leave an indent on the couch from sitting in the same spot for so long.

What surprised you most in the first week home with baby? Tell us in a Comment.

ADVERTISEMENT

-Jane Putnam