Curious to Know What Your Teenage Daughter Thinks about Life at the Moment?

Obviously, our world has changed. We are navigating an upside-down world of social distancing, self-isolation, uncertainty, and changes to our daily routines. Less obvious is how teenage girls are experiencing this pandemic, some are not talking yet and others are immersed in their digital devices.

I was wondering how teenage girls were adjusting to these changes so I asked teenage girls five questions. Their answers may not only surprise you but also give you some insight and ideas for how best to help them and for how not to hinder them. If you are like me, you assumed that our over-reliance on screens and virtual living would be their dream come true. Simply put: this is not true.

Question 1: What are the greatest changes you’ve experienced so far? Whether we are talking about school closures or how we grocery shop, girls are faced with daily interruptions in their routines, inconveniences, and scary uncertainties, change is happening. When I asked girls what the greatest of these changes were, many told me their routines have been drastically disrupted. Girls, who once woke up at 7 a.m. to hit the gym, now can’t. Girls who jumped out of bed to dash to catch the bus for school, breakfast in hand, now don’t. Girls who loved being “out and about” during the day, grabbing a Starbucks iced tea and the buzz of life around them, are forced to stay home. Each day feels like the day before and often blurry at that, they say. One teen told me that procrastination is all too real as she sits at home and has little to no motivation to do much of anything, much less her online school work. “There is just no point and it’s so hard to stay off my phone. My screen time is through the roof,” Mackenzie shuddered.

Question 2: What are you missing most? Without question, all girls are missing out on socializing. Society has often made fun of and shamed this generation for their lack of social skills and their phone addiction. Yet, at this point, human connection is exactly what these teen girls are longing for. Sophie said it this way, “I definitely want to be with people now more than ever—and I’m an introvert.” Kayla added to this insight, “I never realized how incredibly valuable human interaction is; there is nothing like a conversation with someone, face to face.” Girls remember how simple and idle chitchat in the lunch line up felt so good. Girls also miss going outside without fear, taking walks and shopping in real stores, and being outside without carefully considering how close they are to the next person.

Question 3: Can you think of any benefits or “silver linings”? It can be difficult, even ludicrous, to consider the benefits of a global disaster when you are still in the thick of it. Yet, girls were already thinking about all they’ve gained. Other than a new-found appreciation for people, many said it’s been nice to slow down, reflect, work on creative projects there was never time for, and—wait for it—spend time with their families. That’s right, every girl I spoke with said she has enjoyed family time to talk and those nightly dinners together where nobody is rushing off to a practice of work event. Everyone is home, helping each other through this, talking and listening, and being together. Des said it best when she commented, “Life is so busy and this situation has given us a gift. It has reminded us to slow down and be grateful for the amazing people we have in our lives.” 15-year old Jen said, “I have also been able to get more sleep, eat well, and wear comfortable clothes. Not worrying about what I am going to wear each day or how I am going to style my hair has been really freeing.” Elizabeth told me she has liked that she’s not spending any money on meaningless stuff and eating out.” One big silver lining, mentioned by a few girls, was the big picture perspective that the environment is appreciating the pause on production and pollution.

Question 4: What are you most looking forward to when life resumes? When life gets back to a version of normal, several girls told me they cannot wait to go back to school, to see friends. They are looking forward to working in their coffee shop and restaurant jobs. Some are keen to go to the movies. Most were looking forward to eating out at restaurants. All teens were anticipating hugs and high fives all around and an appreciation for all they took for granted.

Question 5: Right now, what or who, is helping you most and what or who, is hindering you most? This has, no doubt, been a stressful and anxiety-provoking time for everyone. Girls are finding help though, by connecting with friends online, talking to their parents, watching the news and getting accurate facts and trying to maintain some normalcy like sticking to a daily routine or focusing on gratitude, not disappointments. What hinders them is too much talk about the pandemic and obsessing with watching the news and waiting for some positive reports.

If you have a teenage girl and you are wondering how she is handling (or not handling) the COVID-19 outbreak, just ask her. Phrases such as, “I’d love to hear your thoughts on all this” or “This is such a big life adjustment for everyone, how are you finding your way” all open up the conversation to hear from your girl, who needs to talk and who also needs to feel heard and validated.

For more information about raising confident teenage girls, check out: Growing Strong Girls: Practical Tools to Cultivate Connection in the Preteen Years and Rooted, Resilient, and Ready now available on Amazon and Audible and the website Bold New Girls.