Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week: Apr. 19, 2019

You know you're a parent when your coffee smells suspiciously like crayons

(and you drink it anyway)

— Salty Mermaid (@Jenn_H_Scott) April 15, 2019

Me: You guys ready to dye eggs?
6yo: Yay, I wanna dye, I can’t wait to dye!!!

Halfway through it, I agreed.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) April 14, 2019

Stepping on a Mega Blok is the worst pain because it serves as a reminder that you can't afford Lego.

— Nathan Gregory (@MrGirlDad) April 16, 2019

My life would be so much easier if my family would stop wearing clothes and eating.

— Mommy Needs A Life (@mom_needsalife) April 16, 2019

Hey, dude who honked at me at drop-off, we shall finish this at pick-up.

— Cathryn (@AngryRaccoon2) April 16, 2019

Once, a long time ago, when dinosaurs ruled the world and man had not yet walked upright, there was a cheerio.

And I'm pretty sure my son just found that cheerio behind the couch and ate it.

— Stay at Homies (@stayathomies) April 16, 2019

My kids have started removing one letter of bad words, so they can call each other names and not get in trouble.

So, I've decided to add one digit to the wifi password until they can be nice to each other.

Your move itches

— Divergent Mama (@Divergentmama) April 16, 2019

Sure, I'll be the first dad to admit it: when I see group pictures of my daughter with the other bald babies at daycare, I lean on outfits to figure out which one is her.

— Henpecked Hal (@HenpeckedHal) April 17, 2019

The way my 1yo attacks her Mac n’ Cheese reminds me of a lioness tearing apart a fresh gazelle, and honestly, I feel the need to look away.

— Mummy Bunny 🐇 (@ThatMummyLife) April 17, 2019

My daughter calls a single slipper from a pair of slippers a "slip" and I'm never going to correct her.

— Ｍｏｍｚｉｌｌａ (@milliondollrfam) April 17, 2019

My daughter is appealing to the Geneva Conventions to add a parent brushing a child's hair to the list of banned forms of torture.

— Dad Bits (@DadBits) April 17, 2019

I can always tell when 9 is bored because he uses my full name of “Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaddyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy.”

— TheAlexNevil, Bed Hunter (@TheAlexNevil) April 17, 2019