Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week: February 2, 2018

If you hate having free time, then parenthood is probably right for you.

— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) January 30, 2018

My kid keeps pitching me that he has “an idea,” but the idea just seems to be I give him chocolate.

— dadpression (@Dadpression) January 29, 2018

Trying to leave the house with your children is just like herding cats – angry, unsatisfied, destructive, caffeinated, little cats that look just like you.

— Cydni Beer (@themessednest) February 1, 2018

Sometimes parenting means asking the tough questions, like, "Who put gum in the toaster?"

— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) February 1, 2018

Taking a child to the doctor's office for a well-child visit today. It's inevitable that one of my children with lay his body on the floor and act as a flu absorbing sponge.

— SurvivingMyBoys (@SurvivingMyBoys) January 31, 2018

I'm just going to paint our walls Cheeto-orange to match the handprints going up the stairs.

— Julie Burton (@ksujulie) January 31, 2018

Me: Now remember… this is a secret. You can’t say anything to anyone.

Kid: *Immediately tells every single person she’s ever met. Screams it from the rooftops. Turns it into an interpretive dance.*

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) January 31, 2018

"Hey, don't play your tablet and watch TV at the same time!" I yell to my kids from the other room as I tweet this while watching TV.

— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) January 31, 2018

My son told me that he wishes he could erase the memory of seeing my naked ass. You and me both, child.

— Burning Mom (@MomOnFire) January 30, 2018

Things that are terrifying:

A snake on my hike
Clowns
My 3yo saying: 'member your dark red lipstick that I like to draw with?

— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) February 9, 2017