Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week: February 25, 2018

Sure horror movies might be scary, but have you ever caught your toddler walking across a tile floor holding a glass jar?

— Real American Dadass (@R_A_Dadass) February 18, 2018

Eating breakfast with a toddler is fun if you like saying “eat your breakfast” for 2 hours.

— mark (@TheCatWhisprer) February 18, 2018

9yo: You’re annoying.

7yo: No, you’re annoying.

6yo: You’re both annoying.

Me: Guys, guys. Calm down. Let me settle this. You all are annoying.

— Jessie (@mommajessiec) February 20, 2018

Me: You gotta get dressed, kiddo, we’re leaving soon.
7yo:
Me: Get dressed, please.
7yo:
Me: Please get dressed.
7yo:
Me: Hurry up and get dressed.
7yo:
Me: Put your clothes on.
7yo:
Me: We have to leave in 3 minutes!
7yo:
Me: GET DRESSED RIGHT NOW!!!!!
7yo: Ok! Don’t yell at me!

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) February 21, 2018

I see these posts like "I start my day with yoga, maybe a barre class if I have time." and I'm all "I start my day with screaming. The toddler's screaming, the baby's screaming, I'm screaming. Everybody's screaming. It's great! Really gets the blood pumping!"

— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) February 21, 2018

Toddlers don’t hear you call their name 50x but they hear that chip bag open

— Kay (@KaylarWill) February 21, 2018

Before kids, the soundtrack to life is something peaceful, like Enya. After kids, it's anything by Pantera mixed with coughing.

— MyQuestionableLife (@2questionable) February 23, 2018

What I say: “Just a minute.”

What my toddler hears: “Ask again right now. And now. And…again, now. “

— Jennifer S. White (@yenniwhite) February 22, 2018

I decided to become a dad when I noticed how many kids never finish their nuggets.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) February 21, 2018

“Yes, you can play the iPad but only if you sit right by me and tell me every single detail about the game you play. Leave nothing out.”

-Said no parent ever.

— Cydni Beer (@themessednest) February 22, 2018