Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week: July 20, 2018

Nobody move, my daughter lost her beloved, favorite piece of shiny confetti that she just found in the carpet 5 minutes ago.

— MamaFizzles (@MamaFizzles) July 13, 2018

Is the whole 'not laughing when your kids hurt themselves' thing a pretty important part of parenting?

If it is then I don't think I'm really cut out for all this.#parenting #dadlife

— Jack's Dad (@DaddingAround) July 16, 2018

Can you believe there are moms out there who cook and clean and craft and work and cart their kids to a million different activities for 18 straight years and manage to stay moderately sane?

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) July 17, 2018

I call the 4pm hour "The Hour I Start Searching Indeed For A Job So Someone Else Can Deal With These Kids".

— Lauren Mullen (@DraggingFeeties) July 16, 2018

3yo has a newfound fascination with insects and has started bringing them in the house as "pets".

So what I'm trying to say is he's for sale. Accepting offers and/or trades.

— Unbalanced Momma (@UnbalancedMomma) July 17, 2018

Prepare your kid’s favorite food.

No, I’m sorry. That is no longer your kid’s favorite food.

— AsKateWouldHaveIt (@KateWouldHaveIt) July 18, 2018

"Don't throw away [random piece of garbage]! I need it for [some ridiculous reason]!"

– kids

— the Mom TruthBomb (@momTruthBomb) July 18, 2018

Driving tests should have a portion where a kid in the backseat just pummels you with rapid-fire questions while you try to merge.

— SpacedMom (@copymama) July 18, 2018

Why are kids obsessed with toy tools and toy appliances? Like buddy this is the one time in your life you don’t have to do shit, why you wanna pretend to repair the washing machine and cook fake pancakes?

— The Dad (@thedad) July 19, 2018

My son said that if a hoverboard was also a vacuum, he’d vacuum every day. Then my daughter started arguing with him over who would get to vacuum.

Why has no one created this mythical vacuum over which children argue over who gets the do chores?

— Sara Says Stop (@PetrickSara) July 17, 2018