Funniest Parenting Tweets of the Week: May 3, 2019

Me: I’m not cheap!

Also me: Puts a packet of chicken back that says $9.85 because I found another one that says 9.80.

— Mommy Owl (@Lhlodder) April 26, 2019

You can wear earrings or you can have a toddler. You can not do both.

— Heather🦈Doo doo Doo doo (@dishs_up) April 29, 2019

My husband just told me, “You’re a mother so your love language is coffee now”

— mom-sanity (@lostmymommymind) April 29, 2019

I enjoy being the one to wake up with the toddlers. The first cup of coffee is a perfect pairing with those early morning meltdowns.

Now if you’ll excuse me, there’s butter to clean off the walls.

— Daddy’s Digest (@daddysdigest) April 30, 2019

If you’re wondering just how hard kids will work to stall bedtime, tonight I had to pick out matching socks for a stuffed monkey and a stuffed unicorn, just in time for my 3-year-old to tell me all 482,927 reasons why dogs have tails.

— Goldfish and Chicken Nuggets (@gfishandnuggets) April 30, 2019

If anyone asks, I am brushing my teeth. I am definitely not hiding alone, secretly eating cupcakes that were intended for my children.

— MyMomologue (@MyMomologue) May 2, 2019

It must be true that Legos encourage creativity because I've invented so many new swear words after stepping on them.

— Rodney Lacroix (@moooooog35) May 1, 2019

A mom on my daughter's softball team found a cute snack idea on Pinterest & now all of the girls have their hands stuck in tiny mason jars.

— Simon Holland (@simoncholland) May 2, 2019

I’ve never run a marathon but I have put my kids to bed 26.2 times in a single night.

— Dad and Buried (@DadandBuried) May 2, 2019

My big kids and I play this really fun game where every single day I park in the exact same spot to pick them up from school, and every single day they text me "Where are you?", and EVERY SINGLE DAY I respond with "in the same spot".

— S A R A B U C K L E Y (@nottheworstmom) May 1, 2019