How to Survive Postpartum as a Newly Single Mom

I gave birth 12 days after I walked out of the courthouse with my divorce papers in hand. I arrived at my mom’s house from the hospital a week later, carrying my newborn who was burrito-swaddled in a football-printed blanket.

I hadn’t showered in days. The lack of sleep left my eyes glazed over. The skin of my raw, C-section scar felt stretched-thin to the touch. It could’ve ripped apart anytime.

My heart felt even worse—all torn at the crux while still beating.​

I climbed the staircase with my baby squirming in my arms. I reached my old bedroom that was going to be my home until I could stand on my own two feet again. I stared at my baby’s face—a carbon copy of the person I was once married to—and traced his skin that was yellowed by jaundice.

How was I going to survive this?

If you ever find yourself in a situation like mine, you may rest assured that there are coping strategies to get you through this rough time in life.

What’s important is for you to face the reality of bringing the baby to this world single-handedly head-on. The earlier you do this, the more equipped you’ll be in handling the challenges to come.

I already went through the entire pregnancy, from prenatal checkups to shopping for baby supplies, alone. But I also had to be mentally prepared for the waves of overwhelming emotions and situations that come along with the baby.

Let’s be real: New motherhood is already a terrifying territory to step into.

A body battered by childbirth and a mind that’s clouded by baby blues are only a small part of the whole picture. Entering this exciting-yet-scarily unfamiliar phase on your own is a different battle altogether.

It’s not for the faint of heart.

Regardless, a new mom that finds herself in such a situation is bound to act like the motto for Nike—just do it. Here are some ways to cope with the postpartum stage that will help you stay sane:

Lose the blues and start planning your life ahead.

Your grieving needs to have an expiration date, period. That doesn’t mean that you can’t be vulnerable during this delicate moment, though. Cry when you need to but keep in mind that whatever turmoil you’re going through will gradually cease into peacefulness.

While your marriage or partnership ended, your future with that sweet little person cuddling next to you is going to bloom and live on. Visualize where you see yourself with your child in the next five years for starters and focus on attaining that goal.

I imagined a bright future for my baby and I—both of us traversing down the breathtaking landscape of Iceland and getting our own tiny home on wheels—and that, in turn, made me assess my financial situation. Finance is the most vital aspect to consider when you’re single parenting. So make that grand goal of yours, and this unpleasant circumstance, the ultimate drive for you to get your life back on track.

Lose the guilt and send your baby to daycare early.

Depending on where you live and the nature of your job, the length of maternity leave may be as brief as two weeks to a generous 85 weeks altogether!

Despite getting three months of paid leave, I sent my baby to a licensed daycare as soon as he turned eight-weeks-old. I needed the time and freedom to set up my online business and focus on increasing modest single income.

Nevertheless, it’s not the question of when you return to the daily grind but rather the guilt that nags at you when you have to be away from your baby.

Try changing your perspective on why you have to work. You’d do anything you can to support this baby on your own and putting him or her under the care of others is reasonable, if not the only, choice you have.

There’s also a mental health benefit. Having some time off from tending to a baby is essential. Use this time to take a break, and regain your sanity so that you can be at ease and happy with your parenting role in the long run. 

Lose the ‘lack’ mentality and be grateful for the present moment.

There’ll be times when you cross paths with a cheery-looking couple going for a stroll with their baby and such sight will drive the sharpest stake right into your vulnerable heart. Look at it this way: You know deep down that you’d be worse off if you had chosen to stay in a troubled, unhappy relationship while raising the baby. You need to realize that you and your child are a complete, more-than-enough team to take on the world.

I’d usually find a quiet time to take in my baby’s charm—his curled-up toothless grin, his soft, milky breath and his eyes sparkling with excitement at the mere sight of my face. Doing this made me feel grateful that I got to experience motherhood and have such a meaningful connection with an innocent human being.

So get a notebook to journal in or open the notes app on your phone and list at least one thing you’re most grateful for that day. Know that you have so much courage to pull this through—this road less taken—and still thrive.

The postpartum phase is one crazy rollercoaster ride full of fear and thrill. Still, you’ll survive and even cherish the life-altering experience and lessons. Your unerring maternal instinct will kick in and push you through the fuzzy days. 

The process will also make you understand one thing: Your baby isn’t the only one who’s growing up. 

You are too.