When imagining their lives in the future, I’m willing to bet there aren’t many people out there who want to get in a relationship, have a baby, and then get married. From childhood we have been taught that first comes love, then comes marriage, then comes the baby in the baby carriage. This day and age, that is becoming a rarity. More people are having children out of wedlock, and there are mixed results in terms of successful relationships and break-ups. Personally, it wasn’t my plan to get pregnant with my new boyfriend, but looking back now I wouldn’t have changed a thing.
My boyfriend and I still had tons to learn about one another, but we were embarking on this crazy new journey together. It was a learning experience, full of ups and downs, but I believe it has made us stronger. Going about things ass-backwards is not the norm for most people, but that doesn’t mean that it is wrong. We got pregnant, moved in together, and raised our family together, in that order. It has now been 3 and a half years together, and it’s clear that we are in it for the long haul.
When I became a mother, the center of my universe shifted. My happiness was no longer on the front burner. Road bumps that may have ended my relationship otherwise, became some of the hugest turning points of it. My boyfriend and I have learned so much about each other, as well as learned how to communicate through some of the bumps. I knew that I wanted to ensure the happiness of my son, and I felt that for our family it was best that we always stay together. In some cases it’s truly best for the parents to go their separate ways, but I don’t feel that way in our case.
Every time we got into another one of our ridiculous arguing matches and I felt like storming out of there and cutting it off, I had to think twice. It’s not that simple anymore, and that has helped prevent me from making any bad decisions. Not only would I lose the only man to show me love and stability in my life, but our son’s life would get complicated by so much. Having to figure out where your child goes, and who gets to see them when would be a very hard thing to do. It wouldn’t be fair for me to put my son through that just because his dad gets on my nerves at times.
The best part about having a child right away is that you get to see a completely different side of your partner, while showing them the different sides of you. We got to experience first ultrasounds, picking out colors and supplies for the baby’s room, and taking care of a newborn together. The fact that we were not married has never had an impact on any of these experiences. Of course we would like to get married sometime down the road, but only because we know our relationship can withstand almost anything. Our son has brought us together into a solid, unbreakable family. Sure, it’s very hard getting through the rocky times, but it’s worth it.
I definitely don’t recommend getting pregnant before really getting to know your partner, but in my situation it worked out. I fully believe in soul mates, and I believe that when you find the right person it will work out somehow, someway. You will fight for what you really want, and some of these teaching tools come disguised as issues. Don’t feel ashamed if you also find yourself taking a different road than your parents had hoped. Just know that you are strong, and you are going to feel like a total badass after all of the stress and tears fade.