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Hearing your child’s first word is life changing.  Your heart explodes with love and pride when those simple syllables escape her tiny rosebud shaped mouth.  Fast forward a few years later… the words and sentences that spew forth from our little humans mouths are less adorable and far more mortifying.

Check out these gems!

  • “My 2-year-old daughter walked in while I was getting out of the shower. She looked at me and says “Mama, you’re silly. You have a beard on your gina.” I about died.” – Valerie Vauclair, Facebook
  • “One night after dinner, my 5-year-old ran past and let out a huge fart that stopped him in his tracks. He turned to us and said, “Sorry, that was my butt saying thanks for the food!” – tiffanyandersons
  • My four-year-old son was in the bathroom with the door closed.
    I knocked and said,
    “What’s going on in there?”
    His reply: “Nothing, it’s just me and my penis.”
  • While waiting in line to get her picture taken with Santa I was giving my 2-year-old daughter pieces of popcorn one at a time as a snack. I must have been a little slow with my delivery and she shouted “MORE COCKPORN DADDY” at the top of her lungs. It was awesome.
  • “When I was little my dad told me Jesus was there with us in the room. I didn’t understand, so I asked, ‘Daddy, are you Jesus?’ He laughed and said no. Still confused, I then asked, ‘Daddy, am I Jesus?’”
  • When I was pregnant, my girlfriend’s 3 year old asked me why I “ate my baby”  – Sarah
  • When my oldest was 3 or so he announced to the daycare that he couldn’t sleep at night because of all the noises coming from our bedroom. The daycare employees thought it was pretty funny. At supper that night, my hubby asked him what kind of noises they were. He matter of factly stated “snoring”. – Heather
  • “A kid told me, ‘We’re not supposed to touch a cat’s butt,’ then leaned close and whispered, ‘But sometimes when my momma isn’t looking I do.’”

Remind me again why we ever teach them to speak!