It’s been a few weeks now and it’s possible that your time in quarantine is wearing on you. The days seem to blur into one another and it can feel like you’re living the same day over and over again. As a friend said to me, the weekends aren’t feeling like weekends anymore. And to add to it, you’re in tight quarters with partners, family, kids, maybe your in-laws and you know that the only way through this time is to keep these relationships fun, easy, and tension-free. And while you know this, you’re probably wondering how to accomplish it, because every day is bringing new challenges and battles. To make your time with those you’re sequestered with easier, try adding the following practices to your day.
1. Ask for what you need. If there was ever a time to start asking for what you need it’s now. And to ask for what you need you first have to figure out what it is you do need. Do you need your partner to let you know when they have work calls, when they’re in the middle of something, when they’ll have time to watch the kids? Do you need your kids to have independent playtime, yoga time so you get some exercise in as well, or have them make their own breakfast and lunch? Do you need time for yourself to go on a walk, sit in silence with a cup of tea? What do you need to make this time in quarantine easier for you? Once you’ve identified it then it’s time to ask for it. Asking for what you need helps your relationships in quarantine because you won’t be bottling up wants that lead to frustration that turns into passive-aggressive behavior or shutting down or lashing out.
2. Listen to what others need. While it’s important for you to know what you need and ask for it, it’s equally important that you create a safe and open environment for those you’re with to share with you what they need as well. To do this it starts with cultivating non-judgmental attention. To see the person through loving eyes, as someone you care for, want to be supportive of and to help. How can I be helpful to this person is something to ask yourself during an interaction. This question will help you stay present in your conversations. So when you begin to notice you’re judging, thinking you know better, distracted, thinking about what you have to do, what you want to say, what you think the other person is thinking, that’s when you say to yourself, I want to be helpful instead.
3. Lower expectations of self and others. The pressure we put on ourselves can really impact our relationships in quarantine. Our expectations of this time can cause more fights, meltdowns, and an overall sense of less than or not good enough, which creates more unease in our relationships. When you notice yourself forcing or stressing, see if it’s out of an expectation you have that’s not being met. To release some of your expectations, make a list of yours for yourself, your partner, your children. Then choose two from each list that you can start to pay attention to. When you notice them come up, silently say to yourself, there’s my expectation, I’m going to move it to the side and see if I can allow this moment to be as it is—no forcing or wanting it to be different.
Trying out the three practices above will give you more of an opportunity to relax with those you’re in quarantine with and make it easier for you to create more fun moments to look back on.
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