I was talking to a mom the other day—let’s call her Beth—who shared with me a daycare horror story. Beth put her daughter in a daycare near her home that looked quaint. As a new mom, she didn’t know any other parents who had sent their children there but she was in a crunch to find childcare before she returned to work and this place was affordable, convenient, and had an opening. Within a few weeks of her daughter starting at the daycare she saw some red flags—one day she picked her child up with a dirty diaper, other days her child seemed excessively hungry, and sometimes the childcare provider was not forthcoming with details about her daughter’s day.
Ultimately she decided to take a costly leave of absence from work and figure out a better childcare situation. She later found out that there had been complaints filed against the daycare and their license was in the process of being suspended. She felt fortunate she intervened when she did and had the means to take a leave from work. She asked me how parents prevent these situations from happening in the first place.
Finding high-quality childcare is top of mind for working parents and it’s not easy to figure out how to navigate the process, especially as a new parent. But you don’t have to leave the situation up to chance and prayer.
Here are five things you can do as a parent to empower yourself and ensure you’re placing your child in a safe and loving environment.
Get parental approval
If you don’t know parents first-hand that have sent their children to a daycare provider, then ask the provider for references and call them. The more information on a facility or individual, the more comfortable you will feel leaving your children in their care. My company, Winnie, recently compiled a free database of every daycare and preschool, starting with San Francisco where you can get information about the provider, reviews from parents and other critical safety info like the adult to child ratio. We did this because we want to equip parents with the information they need to ensure their child’s well-being and make life easier for working moms & dads.
Check the licensing database
Did you know that there’s a licensing database when you can find information about all licensed daycares and preschools in the United States? If it’s a daycare, even an in-home provider, look at the licensing database. All licensed daycares and preschools are inspected regularly and these inspections are public information. You can also see if any complaints have been filed against the school and even subscribe to updates in case their licensing status changes.
Visit and ask questions
Ask to visit the provider, ideally while children are present. This will give you a feel for their style and if it jibes with yours. Ask questions to understand how the provider communicates with parents, what the physical environment is like (e.g. is it childproofed? Is it clean?) and what children do as a day-to-day routine.
Check their safety procedures
One thing that’s very predictable about children is that they are unpredictable. Accidents and emergencies happen so you want to ensure your provider is trained and prepared for the worst. Check the basics like training in first aid and CPR but also understand their policies around illness, evacuation procedures, and vaccines. Finally, you’ll want to really understand their philosophy around discipline. The most important thing for a childcare provider is that they have lots of patience and never resort to harsh language or violence with your child.
Trust your gut
Even if everything looks great on paper and checks out, you have to trust your instincts. If something doesn’t feel right to you, you need to act like Beth did and pull your child out of the daycare until you sort the situation out. Beth didn’t have a lot of information to go on at the time, but she acted swiftly and prevented the situation from getting worse.
Short mom to tall kids. CEO and co-founder of Winnie, a leading marketplace for daycare and preschool helping millions of parents across the United States. Still getting the gist of this whole parenting thing.
Country roads…take me home…to the pumpkin spice latteeee. West Virginia is the king of pumpkin spice consumption, according to new data from Instacart. Fittingly launched right as Starbucks returns the ultra-popular PSL, the survey revealed the hottest seasonal flavor trends and the states most (and least) likely to jump on the pumpkin bandwagon.
Unsurprisingly, Hawaii is the least likely state to purchase pumpkin spice products on Instacart, probably due to the absence of a real seasonal fall. Meanwhile, West Virginia is 122% more likely to buy, followed by Iowa (90%), North Carolina (62%) and Ohio (60%). Other pumpkin averse states? Washington D.C., Louisiana and Massachusetts.
The top pumpkin spice products on Instacart? They’re all breakfast related! Coffee creamer came out on top, followed by the actual spice, ground coffee, cream cheese and bread. The company found that quick oats, protein bars, pumpkin and waffle mix and cereal are also hot pumpkin-themed products compared to 2019.
Instacart also noted that searches for pumpkin spice products started early this year, in late July. Retailers haven’t been hesitant to hype up their offerings either, from cup noodles to cookie dough to blizzards. Love it or hate it, the craze is on!
—Sarah Shebek
Featured image courtesy of Ryan Christodoulou, Unsplash
It’s been quite the journey from 2015 for Mal and King Ben, but the time has finally come for a royal wedding! The Descendants: The Royal Wedding is airing this Friday!
The summer special is a new take on the fan fave movie series––an animated show that has everyone heading back to Auradon with nearly the entire cast voicing the OG characters.
You’ll hear Dove Cameron as Mal, Sofia Carson as Evie, Booboo Stewart as Jay, Mitchell Hope as Ben, Sarah Jeffery as Audrey, Melanie Paxson as Fairy Godmother, China Anne McClain as Uma, Jedidiah Goodacre as Chad, Anna Cathcart as Dizzy, Dan Payne as Beast, Bobby Moynihan as Dude the Dog and Cheyenne Jackson as Hades.
Notably missing is the late Cameron Boyce who voiced Carlos. His absence will be acknowledged in the story and he will be honored in the telecast.
The Descendants: Royal Wedding will air on Fri. Aug. 13 immediately following the premiere of Disney Channel’s new film, SPIN, around 9:40 p.m.
su·per·he·ro /ˈso͞opərˌhirō/ noun A benevolent fictional character with superhuman powers, such as Superman
The word Superhero is a common word used in our house these days. My son has developed a love and often fixates on “superheroes” from Batman, Green Lantern, Spider-Man, Captain America, and more. And for those of you with loved one’s on the spectrum, you understand when I say that love runs deep!
He often needs his superheroes as a token during transitional times… from the house to the car…from the car to school. Bedtime sometimes isn’t a reality until LEGO Batman has been found and is safely in his hands, tucked into bed with him. I looked at the definition of “superhero” and I got caught on one word, “fictional.”
In my son’s world, superhero’s aren’t fictional. They are very much a living, breathing part of his reality. So much so, that the absence of them can send our world spinning. Their very presence can make a stressful situation of transition easier and in the same breath, with one quick flip, they can add more stress with their absence. And at the moment, there is nothing fictional about our present reality and daily struggles with autism. Calm to upset…happy to sad..content to active.
But, I can’t help but think to myself “How does this superhuman navigate all these emotions and still smile at my silly jokes?” Still willing to trust me when I get frustrated and raise my voice in the midst of a meltdown? Still continue to wake up with a clean slate, ready to love and start the day, no matter how traumatic bedtime was the night before?
And then I go back to that word, “fictional.” Because now I realize superheroes aren’t just a reality in his world, they are a reality in mine as well. In my world, there lives the strongest, most benevolent superhero of all. He embodies all the characteristics of what describes a superhero—brave, strong, resilient, and admirable. He is someone I look up to every day. He inspires me more than any other person in the world. He is superhuman. And most importantly, no part of him or autism ever has or ever will be viewed as fictional. I have a real-life superhero in our house and he goes by the name, Murphy. And he has already saved me in so many ways.
Shannon is a proud boy mom, Hairstylist, and passionate Autism Advocate. She lives in New Orleans, Louisiana with her two sons Murphy (5) and Merrick (2). Murphy was diagnosed with Autism at the age of 3. Follow her family as they journey through Autism together on Adventures in Autism with Murphy Facebook and Instagram page.
If you loved the antics of Rocky, Billy, Tiny and Mazu in the first season of Gigantosaurus, then get ready for an all-new adventure in Season 2. Not only will you meet new characters (there might be a new baby dino), but the team will head to brand-new locations! Full of heartwarming and hilarious experiences, this is the perfect way to spend a cozy day at home during the holiday season.
If you need a little teaser, we’ve got it! Life in Cretacia is all good, even after Termy’s banishment, but then, once she realizes her absence is causing an ecological crisis in the lake, her friends realize Giganto might be the key to finding her and saving the day. But, is he a real friend? You'll have to watch to find out!
Be sure to tune into Disney Junior on January 4th for Season 2, Episode 1. After that, an action-packed episode will hit screens every Monday.
Would this have happened if I hadn’t gone on leave?” That is the pervasive question, Sunny, a product manager at a San Francisco tech company still can’t shake. She returned from leave to find she missed an opportunity for promotion; her manager submitted an incomplete performance review; and as she described, “I came back to a new manager, new role, new team, with all new people. No one I had worked with previously for four years…My manager so swiftly handed me off… Felt like I was washed up trash.” Ultimately, she believed maternity leave set her back.
In an effort to better understand why being a working mom is so hard, a topic that has become a perpetual obsession of ours, we set out to research the return from maternity leave experience: What factors, during this vulnerable time, propel a woman into a state of struggle or set her up to thrive? We interviewed ten moms in tech and heard diverse experiences, ranging from “easy” to “horrific.” For those women at the most trying end of the spectrum, we found a powerful theme: While a woman is on maternity leave she is out of sight, out of mind. This creates the opportunity for bias, and can negatively impact the momentum of her career. Initially, the bias was due to poor manager decisions but then perpetuated by the absence of company processes and guardrails. An organization’s antidote is surprisingly simple and requires relatively little financial cost: Continue to advocate for her (because she still works here).
Before we go any further, it’s important to note that relative to other American women, the moms we talked with have it good, all with maternity leaves lasting at least 12 weeks. There is no federal paid maternity leave in the US; one in four moms go back to work just 2 weeks after giving birth. The tech industry has a unique opportunity to set an example and redefine gender equity. The same industry that has raised the bar of employee experience can surely do the same for women, if women truly are a priority.
Now, onto our findings…
It’s Hard to Advocate When You’re Feeling Insecure
Behind every maternity leave is a story, and often a challenge. In our interviews alone we heard from moms who spent their maternity leaves battling postpartum depression, PTSD from a traumatic birth, health complications requiring re-hospitalization, breastfeeding difficulties, and at the very least, exhaustion. Showing up to work that first day was momentous. It marked the end of an era, and the beginning of a new one. And even with their seniority and experience, they were anxious, emotional and self-conscious. Understanding this context is important to grasping the underlying backdrop to a woman’s experience when returning to work: Advocating for what we need may be harder when we feel insecure.
“I wasn’t expecting it to be this physically and emotionally hard. I had postpartum depression. The first 3 months were anxiety and exhaustion. I was an emaciated zombie.” —Liana, Scientist
“I questioned everything: What I was doing, what I was worth, what I should be focusing my efforts on, if I should be at this company, what value I bring them.” —Courtney, Business Development Executive
“I don’t want people to think ‘she can’t handle that job.’” —Alex, Finance Executive
Women Miss Promotion Opportunities While on Maternity Leave
Can a woman get promoted while she is pregnant? The answer, according to federal law, is yes. Equal access to promotion seems to get blurry in practice, however, when it comes to opportunities while a woman is on maternity leave. We heard from women who believed they were not considered for opportunities while on leave that they otherwise would have been.
Lacking explicit conversations with their managers about organizational changes or promotion opportunities, they speculated that their absence took away friction that would have been present if they were there: No one needed to relay the news, explain why they hadn’t been considered, or hear them self-advocate. When a woman is not there to advocate for herself, what systems are in place to ensure she’s not left behind?
Sunny, a product manager, described her back to work experience as “horrific.” While she was out, a position was created with a similar job description to her role but with a higher title. The position was filled, without feedback on why she was not granted the opportunity. It is Sunny’s belief that if the role had opened while she was present, there would have been a conversation with her manager regarding the opportunity. In her absence, she could not advocate for herself, and unfortunately, Sunny believed that her manager failed to do so for her. She had lost an opportunity.
“If I hadn’t gone out on leave, they wouldn’t have been able to forget about me. I would have been able to advocate.” —Sunny, Product Manager
Women on Leave Can Be Shortchanged of Feedback
Semi-annual review cycles are common in tech companies. When a woman is caring for her newborn during a review period, her manager no longer has the pressure of needing to prepare feedback to deliver face to face. Some of the women we spoke with said their manager seemed to put less effort and time into their review than if they had been there. Overlooking women during performance reviews can have penalizing financial implications, as ratings are often tied to compensation. Additionally, a superficial review is a missed opportunity for feedback, which is critical for growth.
Mimi, a designer, felt great about the work she had done prior to her maternity leave. Despite four months of daily vomiting during a high-risk pregnancy, she never missed a day of work, and “would have been proud of the work regardless of what was going on.” She worked the first half of the year, but the review process started right after she was out. When she returned from leave she opened her review, finding that her manager hadn’t written anything. She asked him why and was told, “I didn’t write anything because you weren’t here.” Mimi believes the lack of written feedback she received impacted her career. She missed the feedback, recognition and consideration she deserved.
“My manager not taking the time to summarize and describe the work I did meant he didn’t recognize it… That was such a hard time in my life. Being pregnant was so difficult…If you did the work, you deserve to be recognized, whether or not you’re in the office when the rating is delivered.” —Mimi, Designer
Without Expectation Setting, Some Women Return to Less
Going on maternity leave often means managers or coworkers must pitch in to cover the work. But some women returned to find their roles had changed, their responsibilities shifted, or their previous work credited to someone else. From a legal perspective they had returned to the same title. But from the women’s point of view their previous work had been forfeited. There had been no expectations set for temporary coverage, making their responsibilities upon return ambiguous for both the woman and the person covering her work. Ultimately, their career was worse off for going on maternity leave.
Courtney, a business development executive, worked tirelessly during her pregnancy to seize what would be a lucrative and newsworthy deal. She left for maternity leave on what she described as a “mic drop moment,” with only the final terms left to define. Her manager covered for her while she cared for her newborn, and when she returned the deal hadn’t officially closed. She asked to take back her account and carry the baton through the finish line. Her manager nodded yes, but left her off email after email, eventually claiming her deal for himself. His career shined by work she initiated, and her career stalled as a result.
“[Being on leave] made it much easier for my boss…to capitalize on it…The playing field was wide open…[I felt] empty. Everything that I was working on that was good was taken.” —Courtney, Business Development Executive
Our Recommendation: Continue to Advocate for Her (She Still Works Here)
We believe that the current return to work experience contributes to unequal gender outcomes. Women reach leadership levels at lower rates than men, and with the birth of their first child women will earn 20 percent less than men. In an attempt to attract, retain and develop women, companies must implement explicit family benefits (e.g. a solid maternity leave). But enacting a policy is not enough to avoid unintended consequences and bias. And unlike benefits, our recommendations are free, and only require more intentional process and a commitment to valuing the careers of women on leave.
Before She Goes on Leave:
Her manager should ask her to complete any relevant work needed in preparation for a performance review if it will occur while she is out (e.g. write a self-review, request peer feedback).
She and her manager should agree to a coverage plan during leave, and role expectations and responsibilities upon her return.
While She’s on Leave:
Specific policies should be in place and enforced if managers submit an incomplete review
Managers should consider themselves their direct’s advocate while she is on leave. They should consider her, and throw her hat in the ring for any position they otherwise would have if she were present.
Peers, managers and leaders alike can keep her top of mind for others with “small” gestures, like including the woman’s name and photo on team slides or referencing work she’s done when relevant.
When She Returns from Leave:
Managers should hold direct conversations about any organizational changes that were made in close proximity to her absence, providing explicit feedback and allowing for open dialogue and questions.
She and her manager should revisit the coverage plan created prior to leave and discuss how she can best ramp up on her responsibilities.
Let’s Speak up: It’s the First Step Towards Change
The word bias has a heavy connotation. It implies neglect, or even intention. But in no way were the experiences our moms relayed ones of intentional disenfranchisement. Instead, they had been caught in fast-paced, well-intentioned, companies, with little time for others to notice, all while feeling immensely vulnerable.
Maternity leave, itself, is a modern iteration to a workplace made for men. If the construct of work were created today, with women accounting for 47% of the employee population, work culture might shift to support women returning from leave. And that is exactly what we hope to do by bringing more transparency to the return to work experience. When we are transparent about our experiences, and the effect of our current workplace policies and culture, change will follow.
This is the first article in a series of insights describing the return to work experience. Check out these articles that are next in the series:
Anne Kenny and Natalie Tulsiani are user researchers and designers who co-founded Shift the Workplace, a research consultancy that helps companies identify opportunities to support caregivers. With 30 years of combined experience at Huge, Microsoft and Airbnb, we offer tangible, practical recommendations tailored to the company's culture.
I became a single parent to three grown children after my wife of 26 years died of ovarian cancer. When Father’s Day looms near, I am hyperconscious of that fact more than, say, on a random Thursday. Hallmark made sure of that.
I am three years into my solo journey now and this recent stretch of time has highlighted the joys and the challenges of parenting for all of us. Confronting the issues of living through a global pandemic and reflecting about all things systemic is just plain “ick.” How do we Dads talk to our kids about these issues while holding emotional space for them and being the steady source of calm?
Amy and I had countless conversations about parenting in her final weeks. It is one of the gifts I feel I received from having the time to be with her at the end stage of her life. Not everyone is as fortunate—if the loss is sudden and unexpected, for example. This pandemic has highlighted how lucky I was to be with my wife up until her last breath, as so many can’t even be in the same room with their loved ones who have perished from COVID related symptoms. COVID: “Coronavirus disease” has put a huge void in all of our lives.
In those super-intimate moments, I would ask Amy how I could be the best parent possible in her absence. How could I handle the milestones and the spaces in between? Amy would think about it long and hard and then say with confidence, “You are an amazing dad. You have such a special relationship with each one of the kids. You don’t need to think too hard about it. They love and respect you.” She emphasized that I “could do it.” Honestly, I am unsure if I could have without her clear affirmation that we all would be okay.
Parenting kids of any age is often challenging in the best of times. During a global pandemic, that skill is surely tested. It is through that lens that I am practicing gratitude for what I have during this crisis. After living alone for the past year in the Chicago house where Amy and I raised our three children, two of them have returned from Manhattan to quarantine with me. We are all working from this home full of memories and love. The same place where their Mom died in-home hospice.
Having children in their 20’s has permitted me to experience and value my relationship with them in new ways. Intense conversations about how Sweden and Australia have handled the virus, questions about leadership in the face of some very tough decisions in our state and in our country and awareness of being respectful to others by sheltering in place and wearing masks. Of course, we have talked about loss and grief, a shared story in this time, from our unique experience with these topics. But not everything has to be intense all the time, right. We recorded a TikTok dance, our first and only.
As dudes, we sometimes just don’t get certain aspects of parenting. That is not meant to be a sexist statement. I feel as if I was incredibly involved and competent at a lot of child-rearing issues. But there’s something special, even irreplaceable, about a mother-child relationship. Period. My fears at the time my wife died included impending college graduations. I was destroyed, imagining trying to plan the right celebrations, and counsel and guide our kids through career decisions and job searches. How could I navigate them alone? Neither of us contemplated the sequential bombshells that have faced us as a family and as a nation in the past several months.
The unspeakable way George Floyd died shifted most people’s vision of the world we live in as if we all woke up the next morning having suddenly undergone Lasik surgery. As a privileged white father living in America today, talking to one’s children about systemic racism is no easy task, regardless of the kids’ ages. Recent events have exposed that millennials, often considered lazy, possessing a sense of entitlement and dependence upon their parents for too long, are quite the opposite. As leaders of the peaceful protests around the world, these young people—as well as those incredibly thoughtful and intelligent 20 somethings living in my house with me—have truly given me hope for the future. One thing has been exposed to me during this very difficult time; the reshuffling of the traditional roles of parent and child. I am clearly now a teacher and a student.
Amy always knew what to say, when to hug, when to give space, when to be firm, and when to simply love like only a mother can. Fellas, we too have that emotional capacity. Yes, a mother/child relationship is unique and irreplaceable. But so is a father/child relationship, if you give it the best you’ve got and don’t leave the “emotional intimacy” part to the mom because you assume women are better at it.
Despite the fact that being a Dad in 2020 has included the pain of loss that came with a pandemic and the difficulty of exploring how racism became systemic, let’s remember everything that makes our role as a father unqualified magic. As Amy reminded us, we must “always trust magic.”
JasonRosenthal is the subject of an essay written by his late wife, Amy Krouse Rosenthal, called You May Want to Marry My Husband that went viral and was read by millions of readers. Jason now speaks publicly and writes about issues related to processing grief and finding joy in the midst of pain.
While many of us have been homebound the past few months due to COVID-19, pet parents have leaned on their dogs for support more than ever. From loyally staying by our sides, to encouraging us to get out of the house and even making special appearances as new “coworkers,” the time spent together has been equally beneficial for both pets and pet parents.
Which now presents a new challenge: As areas begin to re-open, how will our pets fare when we start leaving the house again each day?
Our dogs have likely become accustomed to constant belly rubs, multiple walks per day and constant attention, so they may experience separation anxiety as we resume our daily lives and spend less time at home. In pets, separation anxiety is a behavioral reaction triggered when dogs are separated from people they are attached to the most. Behavioral signs often include scratching at the door, crying or barking excessively, going to the bathroom in the house and/or chewing things whenever you or your family leaves. In extreme cases, dogs may try to escape, which can result in self-injury and household destruction.
Whether you’re already seeing signs of separation anxiety in your pup or want to prepare them for your absence in advance, there are some simple steps you can take to ease into spending more time apart:
1. Practice leaving the home for at least a couple hours per day to make sure your dog can be left alone without displaying severe signs of stress. Start off in short increments: 15 minutes to a half hour at a time, then gradually increase over the course of a few weeks.
2. Consider crate-training your dog. When used properly, crates can help your dog remain calm and, importantly, out of trouble. Start with just short periods while you are present to help them get used to it. For example, when you are watching television, put your dog in his crate, put the crate next to the sofa and gradually increase the time crated. You can reward quiet behavior with calm praise or with treats.
3. When you do leave, don’t make a fuss and try to do the same when you return. It may be difficult, but limiting the attention your dog gets shortly before leaving or after you arrive home lessens the shock and eases the moment of relief when you do return.
4. Leave out a few fun toys that you only bring out when you leave—these special toys will seem like a reward to your dog and signify that you leaving is a positive thing.
5. If your dog responds well in social situations, try daycare or social walks to keep them engaged and occupied while you’re gone. Pro tip: call your local daycare center and ask if you can bring your dog for an early drop-off. This ensures your dog has the chance to sniff around, get comfortable and greet the other “regulars” as they come in.
As a pet parent, you know your dog better than anyone else and are the best resource to decide what’s most helpful for them to adapt. If cases of separation anxiety persist or worsen, professionals like trainers and veterinarians are also always available for extra assistance. Overall, it’s important to know that new routines can be tricky for humans and animals alike, but rest assured that with patience and persistence, you and your pup can get through it together.
Dr. Bernal has over a decade of experience in veterinary medicine, specializing in animal nutrition. In her role as on-staff veterinarian with Wellness Natural Pet Food, she educates pet parents on the importance of natural ingredients like wholesome meats and nutrient-rich superfoods and the highest quality standards.
Yesterday, for the first time in 10 years, all three of my children went to day camp. Feelings of terror and excitement flooded through me watching them climb the bus one at a time and disappear into the tall rows of forest green leather seats. My youngest is four and I wondered if he would be okay. I reassured myself the camp has a specific group for his age, with trained counselors. He will be fine. Then I went home and looked at the clock. It was only 9:00 a.m. and I would not return to the bus stop until 4:00 p.m. to pick them up. I had seven whole hours in front of me to fill.
I swear I heard birds chirping outside my window, I saw the sun shining (even though admittedly the clouds were a bit heavy that morning). I couldn’t wait to dig into my options: the jobs, projects, ideas, cleaning, organizing, shopping, writing, reading, napping, everything I had compiled on my “To-Do List” for the last ten years since my first child came into the world. Nothing has been done since that day. And now, it was time.
But where to start? The list is so long! I had not a second to waste and yet all I wanted to do was turn on my favorite show and sit with my coffee, not moving a muscle. I looked around at the few little piles of toys and clothes and dirty dishes, small enough not to feel messy, but enough in the corners to make our home feel cluttered. They have been sitting there in different shapes and ways but present somewhere for the last ten years.
Did it happen? I wondered to myself. Did the days of babies and diapers, sippy cups and tantrums, mama pick me up’s, naps and refusing to nap days finally pass me by? They said it would happen, people out in public, random strangers, older relatives, they all said it. At the grocery store with one kid on my leg, one screaming in the cart, while the third chants in a British accent, “We’re panicking! We’re panicking!” a well-intentioned stranger seeing the actual panic in my eyes as I darted through aisles grabbing random boxes off the shelves would cheerily say, always, “These days will go by fast!” I hated them saying it because I didn’t care. The days were long and hard. Parenting small children is like living in a fog of overwhelming joy, excruciating fear, and overall survival (yours and theirs). Yet, as they grow, the fog lifts little by little until one day you send them off for the whole day and you realize you can see again. The days did not go by fast, but they did, apparently, go by.
Now, here I am sitting by myself at my kitchen table in silence savoring a dreamy cup of coffee. I can see clearly for a few hours. Just as it was at the camp bus stop, it feels exciting and terrifying at the same time. It is a new era, having big kids. They have been little for so long, it’s all I’ve known, the thick time-consuming hands-on seconds of every day. They are dwindling, and while I will miss them, I honestly cannot wait for the next phase. The one where they keep getting on the school bus every day and I am left for a few beautiful hours to do the things I have set aside for the last ten years. I will never get those little years back. And while they have been messy and wholly disorganized, I know they have been beautifully lived with giggles and smiles and play days. They have been relaxed and lazy and adventurous. Creative, intuitive, and open to the world around them, my kids have hopefully learned among the piles and dust that life isn’t about being perfect. It is about spending time, not orchestrating time. Making things up on the fly, not scheduling days down to the minute. Life is about living in the moment, not worrying about how it looks to everyone else.
The camp is only one week. They will still come home at the end of each day and need me. I will be refreshed and ready. The next ten years will still be about raising these little rebels into responsible capable people, they are not on their own just yet. But for this week, I am happy to soak up the precious hours of quiet, and I might try to clean at least a little bit in between my coffee breaks. Truthfully, as much as I am reveling in the calm of their absence, I can’t wait for them to pile off the bus again and tell me everything they did while they were gone.
Krissy Dieruf is a licensed marriage and family therapist. She lives in Minnesota with her husband and three children, loves to sing and dance around the house and has a soft spot for rebels and crazy hair.
Your kiddo gets to take sick days off, but what happens when the illness isn’t physical? Oregon recently adopted a new law, allowing students to take mental health days.
The law, which will allow students to take up to five mental health days off from school every three months, was spearheaded by teens who saw a need for this type of excused absence. While some have criticized the law as coddling kids, plenty of others applaud it as a way to reduce the stigma surrounding mental health issues.
Recent grad Hailey Hardcastle, who lobbied for the law, told Today, “I took on this cause for a personal reason first off because so many of my close friends in high school struggled with depression, and there were times when I saw them at school when they really shouldn’t have been there, would have been much better for them to take a day off.”
Along with excused absences, the law will permit students to take makeup tests for exams missed due to mental health days. As for other states, we’ll have to wait and see if the rest of the country gets on board with Oregon’s ideas.
