A few things we’d be missing without them: Grand Central, Washington Square Park, and dozens of masterpieces in our major museums

International Women’s Day is March 8, and of course, we celebrate women’s history all month long. So, we’re taking some time to recognize some of the women who have had an incredible impact on our home, New York City. These incredible New Yorkers have blazed trails, saved buildings and neighborhoods, crashed through all kinds of ceilings and often made the country (even the world!) a better place. (Because when New Yorkers have an impact, it tends to be far-reaching.) Read on for our list of women who changed NYC forever.

Emily Warren Roebling

Public Domain

That famous bridge in Brooklyn? It wouldn't have happened without this lady. Married to Washington Roebling, the chief engineer of the Brooklyn Bridge, Emily took over when he fell ill and could no longer supervise the project. (Apparently he watched its progress from the couple's home in Brooklyn Height via telescope.) Roebling was one of the first people to cross the bridge when it was done, which she did from the Brooklyn side, holding a rooster as a symbol of victory. You can find a plaque at the base of the bridge celebrating her leadership and contribution. 

 

Shirley Chisholm

Creative Commons

Brooklyn-born Shirley Chisholm was a trailblazer not just for New Yorkers, but for women and Black people around the country. An outspoken advocate for racial justice and women's rights, as a New York State Representative in 1968, she was the first African American woman in Congress, and later co-founded of the National Women's Political Caucus in 1971. In 1972, she sought the Democratic nomination for the office of President of the United States, becoming the first woman or Black person to do so for one of the two major political parties. In 1977, she became the first Black woman and second woman ever to serve on the powerful House Rules Committee. 

Margaret Sanger

Library of Congress

Founder of the birth control movement, Margaret Sanger was a nurse who spent her entire career working to give women access to reproductive health information and contraception. Publisher of a feminist magazine and worker's rights advocate, she opened the first birth control clinic in 1916 in Brownsville, Brooklyn. In 1923 she opened a clinic staffed by women doctors and social workers, which went on to become the Planned Parenthood Federation of America.  

 

Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis

Public Domain

While of course Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis was known the world over as widow of John F. Kennedy, she became a New Yorker following his death and spent the rest of her life here. She is widely recognized as being a key force in saving Grand Central Terminal, which was slated to meet the same fate of the demolished Penn Station. As part of the Municipal Arts Society's "Committee to Save Grand Central Terminal" she was a vocal advocate for its preservation. The Committee's victory and its related Supreme Court decision, the New York City Landmark Law resulted in the protection of thousands of other historic buildings throughout the city.  

Billie Holiday

Library of Congress

Born in Philadelphia and landing in New York City by way of Baltimore, Billie Holiday had no formal vocal training, but went on to become one of the most celebrated jazz singers in the world. She worked with bandleaders Count Basie and Artie Shaw, and collaborated frequently with saxophonist Lester Young, a partnership that produced some of the duo's finest work. Holiday helped integrate the nightclub community in the city in the 40s and 50 and around the country, and her style and voice had a profound effect on night life.

Jane Jacobs

Public Domain

Activist and urbanist Jane Jacobs' influence on New York was, and continues to be, profound. Author of the now-seminal urban planning text The Death and Life of Great American Cities, she famously went head-to-head with New York official Robert Moses to combat his program of "urban renewal." A resident of Greenwich Village, she is credited with helping to preserve its character and was a fierce advocate for quality of life and community-building in cities. She was instrumental in preventing the construction of the Lower Manhattan Expressway, which would have run through several downtown neighborhoods, radically changing them.  

Sonia Sotomayor

United States Government

Like her fellow Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg, Sonia Sotomayor was born in New York City (she's from the Bronx, Ginsburg hails from Brooklyn). And while Ginsburg did do some work in NYC (she taught at Columbia), Sotomayor spent the bulk of her career prior to joining the Supreme court working in The Big Apple. Under the city's District Attorney Robert Morgenthau, she prosecuted cases for crimes such as robbery, assault, murder and police brutality. Later in her career, she served as a U.S. District Court judge for the Southern District of New York City, and helped educate the next generation of legal practitioners as a professor at New York University and Columbia Law School. After serving on the U.S. Second Circuit Court of Appeals, Barack Obama appointed her to the Supreme Court, where of course she wields incredible influence on not just the people of New York City, but the entire country. She has played a key role in upholding the Affordable Care Act and same-sex marriage in the United States. 

Edith Wharton

Wikimedia Creative Commons

Born into a life of privilege, Edith Wharton used her gift as a writer to chronicle and critique the world of high society in New York. In 1921, she became the first woman to win the Pulitzer Prize, for Age of Innocence. She was subsequently nominated for the Nobel Prize in Literature in 1927, 1928 and 1930. Other works of Wharton's include House of Mirth and Ethan Frome.

Gertrude Vanderbilt Whitney

Public Domain

Born into the wealthy Vanderbilt family in 1875, Gertrude Vanderbilt Whitney was a sculptor and art collector. She became a champion of contemporary American artists, and when the Metropolitan Museum of Art refused her donation of her considerable collection of American work, she established the Whitney Museum of American Art in 1930. She was the leading patron of American art at the time of her death in 1942, and her personal collection of more than 600 works remains the core of the celebrated museum's holdings. Currently, the influential Whitney Museum of Art is home to more than 24,000 works by over 3,500 and is a major force in the art world internationally. 

Gloria Steinem

LBJLibrary

Activist and journalist Gloria Steinem has been a leading voice in the women's movement for more than 50 years. She co-founded New York magazine, as well as, in 1972, the trailblazing Ms. magazine, where she was an editor and writer for 15 years. She has been a leading voice for women's issues and rights including reproductive health and gender equality. 

 

Dorothy Parker

Wikimedia

Dorothy Parker was one of the founding members of the Algonquin Roundtable, a group of writers, critics an intellectuals known for their keen observations and sharp wit—Parker, especially. A writer for the New Yorker, Vanity Fair and other publications, she penned fiction, poems, plays and more. Her wry, sometimes brutal takes on modern life exemplify an certain New York sensibility, and her influence is felt to this day. 

 

I am thinking about you today.

I want you to know that everything you do matters.

When you crawl into bed at night, aching from your temples to your toes, know that you have done enough. There may have been no progress made with toileting, feeding therapy or communication today and that is okay.

Your child is safe and so loved.

The weight of hectic schedules, parent trainings, OT, PT and visits with every other MD in-between can feel suffocating.

The research, the meltdowns, the battles over chicken nugget brands and clothing choices, all can withdraw every ounce of patience from your soul.

The smeared feces, the eloping, the pica and other behaviors you watched your friend’s toddlers outgrow. Years later, they remain in your child.

Most days are exhausting and thankless and I want you to know that your child appreciates you, they need you, and they love you beyond measure.

You need to know that.

Your child may not be able to express this, some of you may have never even heard your child call you “Mom.”

But they know you are Mom.

Your child is so grateful for all that you do and would be lost without you. Just as you would be lost without your sweet child.

I want you to know that you are not alone.

When your patience has been depleted.

When you’ve cried behind your sunglasses at a park as you watched your child’s differences come to light.

The loneliness you have felt from the long days spent with a child unable to read your emotions.

The difficult medical and educational decisions you struggle to make.

Know that there are so many of us with you.

We have felt the lows and celebrated the victories, too. We know the fear and the worry you wrestle with daily, and the immense pride you feel over the slightest progress.

I want you to find hope.

Today let’s bask in achievements and forget about regressions.

Even if only for one day.

Let your hope be stronger than your fears. With so many unknowns in the future, know that it’s going to get better.

I know this because we will grow stronger.

We will continue to learn, to advocate, to protect and make certain our children know their worth and just how very much they are loved.

I am so thankful for this sisterhood of amazing mothers today and every day.

Have a very Happy Mother’s Day.

This post originally appeared on Wilsonsclimb.com.

Lauren is a proud mom of two adorable kids, her son Wilson and daughter Charlie. She is constantly learning from her children and loves to share their adventures from the world of autism on wilsonsclimb.com.  Lauren shares her son's journey as one small piece in helping to spread autism awareness around the world.  

Each year, we take a moment to pause and give our appreciation to the women of the world who have made waves in life as we know it. Women all across the globe have risen to face challenges, opened their mouths to speak about equality and change, and emblazoned their nature of being an inspiring force. Portland has had numerous of its own citizens create lasting impressions on our society and culture, so this Women’s History Month, teach your children about the women who helped shape our city into the modern day wonder it is today. Take some time and spread a little knowledge amongst your family with the following female pioneers.

Beverly Cleary

Beverly Cleary

Remember Ramona Quimby? I sure do. The genius story-teller behind this widely successful series grew up in Portland, Oregon and has scattered her books with pieces of the city. Whether or not you’ve walked down Klickitat or Tillamook street, live in the Grant Park neighborhood, or even attended Beverly Cleary School, it is well worth your while to spend an afternoon exploring! Grab a copy of Ramona Quimby and herd the kids to Grant Park for an afternoon spent living in the imagined reality of Ramona by Beverly herself. Don't forget to visit the statue of Ramona Quimby while in Grant Park.

Lucille Beck

Lucille (Lou) Beck was born in Portland, Oregon in 1925 and lived out the extent of her life in this wonderful city. After graduating from Stanford in 1947, she moved back to Portland and established a life with a husband and four children. On top of her duties as a parent and an active member of PTA, Lou fell into an interest in community service and the stars aligned. With help from her partner-in-crime, Jean Siddall, they lobbied the public and political support to induct Tryon Creek Nature Preserve as Oregon’s first urban state park! They established a board of people to be involved in park programming, known then and today as Friends of Tryon Creek, and Lou remained involved in oversight of the park for 35 years. Subsequently, she was asked to join the State Parks Commission and will go down in history as the first woman to serve in such a role. Honoring Lou this month is best done by honoring Portland’s parks, so take your children out to Tryon Creek and spend the afternoon appreciating her dedication to preserving such a beautiful space.

Oregon Historical Society

Hattie Redmond

Born in Missouri, Hattie Redmond and her family moved to Oregon in 1886 on a sponsorship from a white family. She and her siblings attended Portland Colored School in southwest Portland, and as she got older, she began accompanying her father, Reuben, to meetings for the Portland Colored Immigration Society where he was secretary. This fueled Hattie’s inclination to advocate for black women’s right to vote. Beginning in the early 1900s, Hattie held suffrage meetings in her southwest neighborhood and eventually became president of the Colored Women’s Equal Suffrage Association, a pivotal piece of the Black Civil Rights movement. Did you vote this year? You can thank Hattie: she and her counterparts were instrumental in the passing of Oregon Measure 1, the Women’s Suffrage Amendment, in 1912. You may visit her grave at the Lone Fir Cemetery in SE Portland.

Tawna Sanchez

Tawna Sanchez

Tawna Sanchez is nothing short of a pioneer: her position in the Oregon legislature is preceded by only one other Native American, and Tawna is the first to represent the city of Portland. Her work as a member of the Oregon House of Representatives centers on human rights issues, targeting child welfare and foster care systems. She founded Healing Circles, a nationally recognized program whose mission stands to prevent and disrupt domestic violence situations. Tawna is a force doing great work on behalf of Portland’s children. And she walks the talk, too – Tawna Sanchez has raised eighteen foster children!

Oregon Historical Society

Mercedes Deiz

Mercedes Deiz grew up poor, the eldest of 10 children. While working during the day, she attended law school in the evenings, becoming the first Black woman admitted to the Oregon Bar, as well as the first Black woman to serve as a district court judge, and the first to be elected as a county circuit court judge. Mrs. Deiz served 22 years as a Multnomah County judge and was well known in the Albina Neighborhood for her civic action in the Urban League of Portland and the NAACP Portland.

Oregon Historical Society

Leah Hing

Leah Hing was the first Chinese American woman to earn her pilot's license, later becoming an instrument mechanic during World War II at the Portland Air Base.

Ms. Hing was a lifelong resident of the Ladd's Addition neighborhood. Ms. Hing served as president of the Portland Chinese Girls' Club and founded the Portland Chinese Girls' Orchestra, as well as serving as the general manager of the Chung Wah Hoopers, Portland’s female basketball team. She also played the saxophone and performed internationally as part of The Honorable Wu's Vaudeville Troupe.

Ms. Hing is shown in a mural of female Oregon aviators at the Portland International Airport, and her first plane is on display in the Pearson Air Museum.

Israel Bayer

Gretchen Kafoury

Being involved in the community is second nature for this history-paving woman. Gretchen served in the Oregon House of Representatives from 1977-1982, the Multnomah County Commission from 1985-1991, and on the Portland City Council from 1991-1998. She was always knee-deep in the going-ons of the city she called home. Further, Kafoury helped found the Oregon division of the National Organization for Women in 1970, as well as the Oregon Women’s Political Caucus in 1971. She spent her entire professional career advocating for the rights of women in the state of Oregon, and in 1999 joined Portland State University’s (PSU) faculty teaching courses regarding community development and houselessness. Accomplished enough? Not for Gretchen – she received her Masters in Public Administration from PSU in 2008. 

Gretchen Kafoury Commons, a nine-story apartment community, is located downtown near Portland State University. Gretchen Kafoury is also part of the Women Making History mural, located on the exterior of the building at 2335 North Clark Avenue.

Oregon Historical Society

Beatrice Morrow Cannady

Beatrice Morrow Cannady was the co-founder and vice president of the Portland chapter of the NAACP. Mrs. Cannady was also editor and owner of The Advocate, a Portland-based newspaper that reported on issues relating to racial minorities in the 1920s and 30s. Mrs. Cannady worked to remove racist, exclusionary language from Oregon's constitution and advocated for the passage of civil rights bills. Mrs. Cannady attended Northwestern College of Law and became the first Black woman to graduate from law school in Oregon and the first Black woman to practice law in Oregon.

The Beatrice Morrow apartment building, named after Beatrice Morrow Cannady can be found on NE Martin Luther King Jr Blvd in the Eliot neighborhood.

Oregon Historical Society

Lola Baldwin

Does your child want to be a police officer? So did Aurora (Lola) Baldwin. She pushed back on convention and challenged gender norms by becoming America’s first female police officer on April 1st, 1908. She commanded space within the Portland Vice Commission, Portland’s Domestic Relations Court, and was named a Special Agent of the state. Her entire career was motivated by her ambition to provide equal treatment for women, in the force or behind bars. When she retired from her law enforcement duties in 1922, she continued to participate on the Oregon Board of Parole and the National Board of Prisons and Prison Labor. Want to be a police officer? Follow Lola’s lead and do whatever it takes!

Oregon Women Lawyers

Mary Gysin Leonard

Mary Gysin Leonard immigrated alone from Switzerland to Portland in her twenties. She studied law and passed the bar exam, however, the Oregon Supreme Court denied her application to the Oregon Bar because she was a woman. Mrs. Leonard persevered, and, after 10+ years of petitioning and legislative action, was finally admitted to the Oregon Bar in 1886. She was a successful attorney in Portland for decades, offering free legal advice women to help them be successful, too.

Cathy Cheney

Kim Stegeman

Kim "Rocket Mean" Stegeman is the founder and Executive Director of the Rose City Rollers, a women's flat track roller derby league and 501(c)3 non-profit. The Rose City Rollers has trained thousands of skaters from around the world and hosted hundreds of skating competitions. Rose City Rollers has over 400 members participating in recreational programs, and adult and junior skating programs with skaters ranging in age from 7 to 60 years old. Rose City's all-star travel team has won the Women's Flat Track Derby Association Championships four times. Rose City Rollers continues to train athletes, host events, and offer pop-up roller skating activities throughout Portland.

Vera Katz

Does power always have to be masculine? Vera Katz thought not, as one of her go-to slogans was “feminization of power”. And boy, did she mean it! As dominating force of the feminist movement in Oregon, she excelled through the ranks of the state legislature, elected first in 1972 and serving as mayor of Portland from 1993-2005. She was one of two women in the nation to hold the position of speaker for the Oregon House of Representatives, but was the first female to be elected presiding officer in the state of Oregon. Vera used her massive intellect and zeal for connecting with the community to push agendas for gun control and rights of minority groups. She advocated for women and gay rights, and urged progressive urban planning in the city of Oregon. Vera was instrumental in Oregon’s history; she is survived by her son Jesse Katz. 

—Hannah Judge

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Black History Month is an important observance that when celebrated by attending well organized and educational events, both in-person and online, can help your family understand and support the Black community year-round. As James Baldwin said, Black history is American history. There’s much to celebrate and honor, and a lot of work to be done toward racial justice. So how can you and your children celebrate, learn and engage with Black history in Portland? Read on for ways to involve the whole family this February and beyond.

Portland Jazz Festival

Spencer C. via Yelp

Presented this year by PDX Jazz, a local jazz organization, the Portland Jazz Festival enters its 19th consecutive year of celebrating jazz and Black History Month This year's festivities feature GRAMMY Award Winners, as well as local artists! Whether your family members are die-hard jazz lovers who wouldn't mind spending a few bucks on tickets for select performances, or  wouled prefer to attend one of the many free musical shows, options are not in short supply. Head online for more information about performance scheduling, ticket pricing, and of course, the COVID-19 policy and then get jazzy with it!

When: Feb. 17- 26
Online: pdxjazz.org/festival/

Multonomah County Library's Black Storytime!

Maybe you are crunched with work and the little ones are too tired to get out of the house. Don't worry. This event is online and geared to the tiniest of tots. If you are a new parent, or a parent with a child up to age 6, this is the event for you! Set the laptop up and jump in for a live storytelling experience, a bit of singing, and a whole lot of fun. This event is only thirty minutes, the perfect amount of time to keep your little one engaged, entertained and learning. Head online to register via Zoom, free of charge!

Where: Virtual
When: Feb. 2
Cost: Free
Online: here

OPB: Oregon's Black Pioneers

This February, OPB is publishing a 30 minute special that will air on TV and be available online, documenting Oregon's Black Pioneers. In this special, OPB will cover the centuries-long story that covers the African American from the late 18th century to the present. Gather the family around a computer, iPad, or television to learn about the Black Pioneers of Oregon from the comfort of your own home! Flexible, free, and full of educational material, this is an event you can be sure will enrich your family this Black History Month!

Where: Virtual
When: Monday, Feb. 7 from 9:30 - 10 p.m.
Online: here

Black History Online Learning Course

Oregon Historical Society

Perhaps you and your family have always wanted to know a little bit more than free readings, talks or a chapter of a book at school could deliver. Look no further than Simon Education, an online schooling program that is offering a month long event geared towards Black History! Spanning the nearly 250,000 years of Black history, your child will follow the two child superheros as they relive the events and evolution that is Black history throughout time. This event does require a donation, about $10 per family, and doles out much more knowledge than money is worth! Grab the kids and work your way through the four modules of awe and inspiration together. 

Where: Virtual
When: Feb 5, 12, 19, & 26
Online at: here

PCC's Cascade Festival of African Films

Take things back to the start of it all: Africa. Through films and their unique storytelling capacities, this year's Annual Cascade Festival is honoring the cultural and historical saga that is Africa. Films like Diatribe: From the Village to the Streets or Casablanca Beats take viewers from past to present and everywhere in between. Films are being shown through the beginning of March, so don't sweat the timing too much! There is an opportunity every weekend to spend some quality time with the family in front of the big screen.

Where: Virtual & In-Person
When:  Feb. 4 - Mar. 5
Online: here

Trail Blazers: Celebration of Black History

Kim G. via Yelp

"Let's go Blazers!". This is a phrase you and your family must know well if you know the Trail Blazers. Whether you're big into sports or just when your friends make you sit through a game, this Black History Month event hosted by Portland's NBA team is one you'll surely not want to miss! Friday, February 21st marks another year of the annual celebration by the Trail Blazers and will feature live performances, fundraising opportunities, and, you guessed it, sick Trail Blazers swag! Fundraising will be for the Black Education Achievement Movement, an organization driven to help African youth pursue furthered education. So pop on all your sports apparel, grab the kids and head to the MODA center this February to get involved and give back!

Where: MODA Center, 1 N Center Ct St., 
When:  Feb.12, 2 p.m.
Online: here

Clinton Street Theater's Hidden Colors

Come out for another film screening at Portland's Clinton Street Theater this February! The theater is showing Tariq Nasheed's Hidden Colors, a documentary highlighting African and aboriginal historical stories that have been left out of the mainstream voice. Listen to featured voices of scholars, social movement leaders, and historians as they unpack the largely untold history of Black History Month! This is sure to be a memorable experience, so head to Clinton Street Theater's website to secure the family's tickets now!

Where: Clinton Street Theater, 2522 SE Clinton St.
When: February 9, 16, 22
Online: here

Black Love Day Comedy Show & Fundraiser

Maybe your children are a bit older, and maybe you have some money to spend. If that sounds right, then this is the Black History Month event for you. Built around Black Love Day, a prequel to Valentine's Day that expresses and discusses love within Black culture, this comedy show and fundraiser is a catered evening full of food, drinks, and hilarity. Come ready to dine, drink and donate, laugh, love and laugh some more all night long! 

Where: The Suite Spot PDX, 24-32 NW 2nd Ave., 
When: Feb. 13
Cost: $60 - $300
Online: here

—Hannah Judge

Featured photo: PDX Jazz Festival via yelp

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When it comes to inspiring women, there is no shortage of leading ladies who have made the world a better place. This month, the Barbie Inspiring Women series is getting a new doll, and she’s the perfect addition as the school year draws to a close.

The first deafblind person to earn a Bachelor of Arts degree, Helen Keller will serve as the newest collectible in the Barbie lineup. Keller’s achievements include being an educator, speaker, author and advocate during the early 1900’s.

photo: Courtesy of Mattel

The Inspiring Women series doll’s outfit is inspired by Keller herself, with a striped skirt and ruffled lace blouse. She comes with a braille book, complete with molded dots on the cover.

To ensure the new doll was authentic, Barbie paired up with the National Federation of the Blind (NFB), a membership and advocacy organization for blind Americans. The duo worked to make sure the doll mirrored Keller and that the packaging, which contains braille on the front, was accessible for the blind and low vision community.

The Helen Keller Inspiring Women doll is available now at Barbie.com and retailers nationwide for $29.99.

––Karly Wood

 

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Photo: Victoria Rosenberg

I’ve thought about writing this out a thousand times.

And I’ve tried to, just about as often. Writing is how I process and share. Over the past few years, reading the stories and experiences of others, whether through blog posts or Instagram captions, has changed my life. I know that sounds dramatic, but so be it. 

At first, in the early days after my son’s diagnosis, I couldn’t write and share because it would make it too real. It wasn’t the endless assessments and specialist appointments and forms to fill out, but seeing my own words, my own experience written out—it was too much. I also struggled with the fact that this is my son’s story. I am a supporting cast member, one who will never be able to understand his daily struggles, the amount of work and effort required to do what others consider simple daily tasks. That this is his story to share when, hopefully, he is one day able to. Who am I to broadcast his diagnosis and daily life to the world?

Who am I? I’m his Mom. His advocate. His haven. The second I saw the positive on the pregnancy test. The first ultrasound where this little bean on the screen was floating around. The first flutter. The first second after the doctor placed him on my chest in the delivery room and I didn’t know what else to say but to introduce myself as his Mommy and tell him how much I absolutely love him. Twenty months later, I sat in the developmental pediatrician’s office, listening to her relay what I had been trying to bring to the attention of everyone for months. Then she spoke the words that confirmed everything I already knew. The first (and likely last) time I hated being proven right.

I told myself over and over again that just because he now had the diagnosis of Autism Spectrum Disorder nothing changed. He was still the exact same amazing little boy that he was seconds before the doctor had said the words out loud. We stepped outside and the sky was still blue, people continued along their day and other than the fact that the questions in my heart now had answers and the doubt was replaced by fear, life continued on. Four and a half years later and I’ve remained a spectator to the stories of others. I devour blog posts and articles, Instagram accounts dedicated to the lives of other families going through similar journeys to ours and anything I can find. I crave community and the ability to say, “us too!” but never put myself out there.

Recently in the middle of meltdowns or IEP meetings or while consulting with therapists, when I feel like no one else understands, I’ve come to discover it’s because of me. How could anyone else ever understand us when I don’t share? When I don’t offer my story or my experiences? I’ve only been more than happy to sit back and benefit from those brave families who do share. So while this is his story and I will never, ever even attempt to speak for him, my brave and incredible son, who I am so in awe of every single day, and what it means to be him, it’s also a part of my story.

This is for those Moms who just received their child’s diagnosis and aren’t ready to open up but desperately need to know they aren’t the only ones in the world with this new journey ahead of them. I’m adding my voice to the ring and to let you know you aren’t alone. While our children have endless people entering their lives now in the form of specialists, therapists, teachers, doctors and more, and while the spotlight is rightfully shone on them as they begin to navigate their way through supports and programs with you by their side, the need for a community for us—the caregivers, parents, and siblings—is just as important.

Whether you find that community in your neighborhood, on Instagram or through posts like this one, find it and hold on to it. I won’t end this with one of the trillion things people always feel compelled to say upon learning of a diagnosis, I won’t even say I understand because my son’s Autism is not your child’s Autism. All I’ll say is that you’re not alone because sometimes that’s really all we need to hear. 

This post originally appeared on Itsy Bitsy Balebusta.
Victoria Rosenberg
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

I usually go by Mommy, but you can call me Victoria! I have two sons and a daughter and spend my days navigating the adventures of motherhood! With a focus on special needs, I hope to help those who feel alone or overwhelmed, find their village!

mom and son in a field

Photo: Laney Photography

About two years ago my son and I were waiting in line at Walmart. He was sitting in the cart happily flapping and stimming as we waited. A lady, waiting in line behind us, started talking to him. When he didn’t respond I explained to her that he was non-verbal and on the autism spectrum. She immediately proceeded to thank me and tell me how great it was that I wasn’t ashamed to bring him out and about in the community.

I will never be ashamed that my son has autism. It’s one of the many parts of him that contribute to making him the amazing little boy that I love and adore.

No one could ever take over the space in my heart that he fills with his spins, squeals, smiles, jokes, and flaps. These things are mixed in amongst deep love, hope, and faith.

There is no room for shame here.

I’m not ashamed of autism and you shouldn’t be either because it’s not about a diagnosis.

It’s about the person.

My son brings so much more to this world than autism. He is smart, funny, charming, handsome, witty, kind, brave, loving.

I would hate for anyone to miss out on the positive bright light that he shines because they are consumed by the negatives.

Don’t miss out on something that could be amazing just because it could also be difficult.

Autism may look hard and challenging on the outside but he lives it every day from within.

Why would I punish him with shame for a life circumstance that he has absolutely no control over?

I will always take my son into the community. I will always encourage and support him. I will always hope for progress for him. I will always advocate for him. I will always walk beside him. I will always be his dance partner even when there is no music. I will always ensure that he is treated with respect and dignity because he is a human being and deserves to be treated as such.

As I watch this bright, brave boy climb mountains and shatter all the naysayers, I feel nothing but pride and gratitude because he’s mine and I am blessed beyond measure to be his Mama.

 

This post originally appeared on Stalen’s Way Facebook page.

I am a proud wife, ASD Mom, Step-Mom. At 21 months, my son was diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder. He is 5 years old and non-verbal. I have become a full-time stay-at-home mom. I am 1000% focused on raising autism awareness and helping my son live a full and fun life. 

Inclusion. Quite possibly the most important piece of raising my child. What does that word even mean? It means a variety of things to a variety of individuals of course, but in its entirety, it means to be included by a group of people.

For my son, Beckett, what does that look like? You may think: “He doesn’t want to be around us. He doesn’t want to be included, Bri.” You may mean well. But my job as his mother, and a good human, is to educate and to advocate. To be his voice. So I’ll tell you, that in that instance, you would be wrong.

My son wants to be included, just like anyone else. He may need breaks. He may need some pauses of quiet, and solitude, and peace, just like anyone else. It just may be a bit more frequent for him.

He may not want to play cars, or house, or video games with your children. But he wants to be near them. He wants friends. He wants respect. He wants to be seen. A perfectly reasonable, unspoken request. That everyone deserves. Regardless of ability. Breaks are okay. Patience is necessary. And so is inclusion. More than anything.

For someone to say “Beckett, what are you watching/reading/doing? That’s neat! I’ll just sit by you if that’s okay.” That would mean the world. To him. To me. To attempt to enter his world, with no expectations or rules, but to just want to “be” with him. To know him is to love him. And I know that without a doubt. He undoubtedly makes this world brighter. A bit louder. A bit more unpredictable. And whole lot happier.

If others could look past the differences in “labels” placed across our chests (whether it be autism, or things like anxiety, depression, or the thousands of physical disabilities faced), and include all, this world would be a much better one. We’d have cracked “the code”, ‘round the globe.

I won’t stop fighting for my son, and all others like him, to be included. To be valued and not simply “tolerated” until I’m no longer here.

This post originally appeared on To Infinity & Beyond Words.

BriAnna is a stay-at-home mom to her Disney loving, son Beckett (5), and wife to her Navy  Veteran husband, Cameron. Beckett is Autistic and non-verbal, so BriAnna created her page, "To Infinity & Beyond Words" to shine a light of love on their world of special needs. Their family of three call Nebraska home, and call themselves blessed. 

Would this have happened if I hadn’t gone on leave?” That is the pervasive question, Sunny, a product manager at a San Francisco tech company still can’t shake. She returned from leave to find she missed an opportunity for promotion; her manager submitted an incomplete performance review; and as she described, “I came back to a new manager, new role, new team, with all new people. No one I had worked with previously for four years…My manager so swiftly handed me off… Felt like I was washed up trash.” Ultimately, she believed maternity leave set her back.

maternity leave

In an effort to better understand why being a working mom is so hard, a topic that has become a perpetual obsession of ours, we set out to research the return from maternity leave experience: What factors, during this vulnerable time, propel a woman into a state of struggle or set her up to thrive? We interviewed ten moms in tech and heard diverse experiences, ranging from “easy” to “horrific.” For those women at the most trying end of the spectrum, we found a powerful theme: While a woman is on maternity leave she is out of sight, out of mind. This creates the opportunity for bias, and can negatively impact the momentum of her career. Initially, the bias was due to poor manager decisions but then perpetuated by the absence of company processes and guardrails. An organization’s antidote is surprisingly simple and requires relatively little financial cost: Continue to advocate for her (because she still works here).

Before we go any further, it’s important to note that relative to other American women, the moms we talked with have it good, all with maternity leaves lasting at least 12 weeks. There is no federal paid maternity leave in the US; one in four moms go back to work just 2 weeks after giving birth. The tech industry has a unique opportunity to set an example and redefine gender equity. The same industry that has raised the bar of employee experience can surely do the same for women, if women truly are a priority.

Now, onto our findings…

It’s Hard to Advocate When You’re Feeling Insecure

Behind every maternity leave is a story, and often a challenge. In our interviews alone we heard from moms who spent their maternity leaves battling postpartum depression, PTSD from a traumatic birth, health complications requiring re-hospitalization, breastfeeding difficulties, and at the very least, exhaustion. Showing up to work that first day was momentous. It marked the end of an era, and the beginning of a new one. And even with their seniority and experience, they were anxious, emotional and self-conscious. Understanding this context is important to grasping the underlying backdrop to a woman’s experience when returning to work: Advocating for what we need may be harder when we feel insecure.

“I wasn’t expecting it to be this physically and emotionally hard. I had postpartum depression. The first 3 months were anxiety and exhaustion. I was an emaciated zombie.” —Liana, Scientist

“I questioned everything: What I was doing, what I was worth, what I should be focusing my efforts on, if I should be at this company, what value I bring them.” —Courtney, Business Development Executive

“I don’t want people to think ‘she can’t handle that job.’” —Alex, Finance Executive

maternity leave

Women Miss Promotion Opportunities While on Maternity Leave

Can a woman get promoted while she is pregnant? The answer, according to federal law, is yes. Equal access to promotion seems to get blurry in practice, however, when it comes to opportunities while a woman is on maternity leave. We heard from women who believed they were not considered for opportunities while on leave that they otherwise would have been.

Lacking explicit conversations with their managers about organizational changes or promotion opportunities, they speculated that their absence took away friction that would have been present if they were there: No one needed to relay the news, explain why they hadn’t been considered, or hear them self-advocate. When a woman is not there to advocate for herself, what systems are in place to ensure she’s not left behind?

Sunny, a product manager, described her back to work experience as “horrific.” While she was out, a position was created with a similar job description to her role but with a higher title. The position was filled, without feedback on why she was not granted the opportunity. It is Sunny’s belief that if the role had opened while she was present, there would have been a conversation with her manager regarding the opportunity. In her absence, she could not advocate for herself, and unfortunately, Sunny believed that her manager failed to do so for her. She had lost an opportunity.

“If I hadn’t gone out on leave, they wouldn’t have been able to forget about me. I would have been able to advocate.” —Sunny, Product Manager

maternity leave

Women on Leave Can Be Shortchanged of Feedback

Semi-annual review cycles are common in tech companies. When a woman is caring for her newborn during a review period, her manager no longer has the pressure of needing to prepare feedback to deliver face to face. Some of the women we spoke with said their manager seemed to put less effort and time into their review than if they had been there. Overlooking women during performance reviews can have penalizing financial implications, as ratings are often tied to compensation. Additionally, a superficial review is a missed opportunity for feedback, which is critical for growth.

Mimi, a designer, felt great about the work she had done prior to her maternity leave. Despite four months of daily vomiting during a high-risk pregnancy, she never missed a day of work, and “would have been proud of the work regardless of what was going on.” She worked the first half of the year, but the review process started right after she was out. When she returned from leave she opened her review, finding that her manager hadn’t written anything. She asked him why and was told, “I didn’t write anything because you weren’t here.” Mimi believes the lack of written feedback she received impacted her career. She missed the feedback, recognition and consideration she deserved.

“My manager not taking the time to summarize and describe the work I did meant he didn’t recognize it… That was such a hard time in my life. Being pregnant was so difficult…If you did the work, you deserve to be recognized, whether or not you’re in the office when the rating is delivered.” —Mimi, Designer

maternity leave

Without Expectation Setting, Some Women Return to Less

Going on maternity leave often means managers or coworkers must pitch in to cover the work. But some women returned to find their roles had changed, their responsibilities shifted, or their previous work credited to someone else. From a legal perspective they had returned to the same title. But from the women’s point of view their previous work had been forfeited. There had been no expectations set for temporary coverage, making their responsibilities upon return ambiguous for both the woman and the person covering her work. Ultimately, their career was worse off for going on maternity leave.

Courtney, a business development executive, worked tirelessly during her pregnancy to seize what would be a lucrative and newsworthy deal. She left for maternity leave on what she described as a “mic drop moment,” with only the final terms left to define. Her manager covered for her while she cared for her newborn, and when she returned the deal hadn’t officially closed. She asked to take back her account and carry the baton through the finish line. Her manager nodded yes, but left her off email after email, eventually claiming her deal for himself. His career shined by work she initiated, and her career stalled as a result.

“[Being on leave] made it much easier for my boss…to capitalize on it…The playing field was wide open…[I felt] empty. Everything that I was working on that was good was taken.” —Courtney, Business Development Executive

maternity leave

Our Recommendation: Continue to Advocate for Her (She Still Works Here)

We believe that the current return to work experience contributes to unequal gender outcomes. Women reach leadership levels at lower rates than men, and with the birth of their first child women will earn 20 percent less than men. In an attempt to attract, retain and develop women, companies must implement explicit family benefits (e.g. a solid maternity leave). But enacting a policy is not enough to avoid unintended consequences and bias. And unlike benefits, our recommendations are free, and only require more intentional process and a commitment to valuing the careers of women on leave.

Before She Goes on Leave:

  • Her manager should ask her to complete any relevant work needed in preparation for a performance review if it will occur while she is out (e.g. write a self-review, request peer feedback).

  • She and her manager should agree to a coverage plan during leave, and role expectations and responsibilities upon her return.

While She’s on Leave:

  • Specific policies should be in place and enforced if managers submit an incomplete review

  • Managers should consider themselves their direct’s advocate while she is on leave. They should consider her, and throw her hat in the ring for any position they otherwise would have if she were present.

  • Peers, managers and leaders alike can keep her top of mind for others with “small” gestures, like including the woman’s name and photo on team slides or referencing work she’s done when relevant.

When She Returns from Leave:

  • Managers should hold direct conversations about any organizational changes that were made in close proximity to her absence, providing explicit feedback and allowing for open dialogue and questions.

  • She and her manager should revisit the coverage plan created prior to leave and discuss how she can best ramp up on her responsibilities.

maternity leave

Let’s Speak up: It’s the First Step Towards Change

The word bias has a heavy connotation. It implies neglect, or even intention. But in no way were the experiences our moms relayed ones of intentional disenfranchisement. Instead, they had been caught in fast-paced, well-intentioned, companies, with little time for others to notice, all while feeling immensely vulnerable.

Maternity leave, itself, is a modern iteration to a workplace made for men. If the construct of work were created today, with women accounting for 47% of the employee population, work culture might shift to support women returning from leave. And that is exactly what we hope to do by bringing more transparency to the return to work experience. When we are transparent about our experiences, and the effect of our current workplace policies and culture, change will follow.

This is the first article in a series of insights describing the return to work experience. Check out these articles that are next in the series:

How Invisible Work & Sacrifices Affect Working Moms.

Moms Are Drowning. Here’s How We Save Them.

This post originally appeared on Medium.com.
Anne Kenny & Natalie Tulsiani
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Anne Kenny and Natalie Tulsiani are user researchers and designers who co-founded Shift the Workplace, a research consultancy that helps companies identify opportunities to support caregivers. With 30 years of combined experience at Huge, Microsoft and Airbnb, we offer tangible, practical recommendations tailored to the company's culture.

 

Claire is a working mom. Despite having a supportive partner, she feels she isn’t doing as much as she could at home. And despite making weekly business trips away from her family, she feels she isn’t doing enough at work. She brings in the highest sales revenue in her office but feels too busy and unworthy to ask for a promotion.

“I feel like the biggest disservice women have done is not articulating how hard it is to be a mom. I didn’t get it before having kids. I was like, ‘How hard can it really be?’” — Claire

Claire cautiously admits that before she had children, she didn’t quite sympathize with her mom coworkers. But now, here she is, a mother herself who has undergone a radical transformation. Her values and priorities have shifted, and, most importantly, she now has a family that depends on her. She’s exhausted, overwhelmed, and at her limits but feels compelled to act as if nothing has changed at work.

We interviewed 13 working moms, and Claire’s tension was echoed by all of them: Working moms are doing invisible work at home and making invisible sacrifices for work that inadvertently prevent them from self-advocating for career growth.

When we re-entered the workforce after having children, we found living parallel lives of mom and employee emotionally turbulent and guilt-ridden. We constantly doubted ourselves and our careers. We both took an extreme measure and quit jobs we were passionate about at a company we loved.

But the researchers in us couldn’t shake the question: Why is it so hard to be a working mom?

We decided to interview moms with children under age five who work in a range of professions — spanning technology, education, and government — and for companies that include Google, Uber, Apple, and Airbnb. All the women in our study were white-collar workers in committed relationships living across the U.S. (We realize single parents and parents with lower incomes have it even harder, especially with the increasing costs of childcare, as Elizabeth Warren has addressed. We recognize we are in a privileged position, and we hope to advocate for parents across all socioeconomic backgrounds through future studies and work.)

We conducted interviews during our participants’ pump breaks, lunch breaks, commutes, evenings, and during our own children’s nap times. We attempted to synthesize during playdates and car trips, which gave new meaning to the term “multitasking.”

This isn’t another self-help piece for moms on “how to survive the workplace” or a “top five hacks for getting dinner on the table faster.” It’s an attempt to listen, empathize, and highlight the invisible work, sacrifices, and challenges moms face that ultimately add to the gender gaps in female leadership roles and salaries. While our most obvious reader will probably be a mom, we hope our findings help a caring manager, human resource employee, or company leader better understand and advocate for making the invisible more visible.

invisible work force

Doing Double Duty Between Work and Home

Even with the best of partners, moms take on a disproportionate amount of invisible work at home. It’s not surprising that becoming a parent is a life-altering event that comes with a hefty to-do list and shifting priorities. But even in households with extremely involved, well-intentioned fathers, moms are still doing more of the work while simultaneously assuming their partners are doing as much as they can.

According to a 2017 study by LeanIn.org and McKinsey & Company, “women with a partner and children are 5.5 times more likely than their male counterparts to do all or most of the household work.” Moms we interviewed disproportionately performed tasks such as childcare drop-off and pickup, scheduling and attending medical appointments, researching enrichment activities, and purchasing supplies and clothes. To their partners, much of this work is invisible. To their employers, this work is irrelevant.

“Even with a supportive partner, the biggest gotcha surprise was that as a mom, you are the manager of the household. Clothes, baby fed, nanny paid, dog walked, fridge stocked. Every day.”— Allison, a small business owner

“He’s the best dad, but there are so many things he has no idea I do. He just thinks there’s magically always diapers and perfectly fitted, seasonal clothes.”— Lexi, a vice president of operations

The responsibilities that fall on moms are time-consuming, emotionally expensive, and draw from a seemingly infinite yet always depleting energy bank. Even the simple event of getting out the door in the morning can become task-heavy and emotional. One participant, Michelle, a social worker, detailed some of the pressure she’s under:

Our morning routine: getting myself ready for work, getting them ready for school, making sure the lunches are packed, their teeth are brushed, they learn how to bring their own plate to the sink, and Robbie gets to practice putting on his own shoes, and we remember to go to the potty all in an hour and a half without snapping at them because I don’t want to be late and they don’t understand the concept of lateness. Those types of little parenting issues take a big toll on me. It’s trying to do all that while working.

invisible work force

Moms’ Invisible Sacrifices for Work

Family needs and work needs are often directly at odds. Fearing real or perceived setbacks at work, moms often discreetly put work above their own wishes for their families. Michelle, mentioned above, desperately wants to make it home for family dinners but is unable to because her responsibilities restrict her from leaving until after early evening hours. She wants to bring her administrative work home and complete it once her children are asleep but fears asking to do so will make her look less serious and committed and will ultimately harm her career growth.

Moms just like Michelle often make sacrifices to accommodate work in daily situations: reluctantly skipping a pumping session to attend a meeting, not being able to leave to care for an unpredictably sick child, and fulfilling extra work demands like traveling. Managers may not even realize the personal sacrifices moms are making because these decisions happen invisibly, gracefully, and quietly.

“My milk production went down pretty drastically, and that was really stressful for me… There are moments in the workday where I actually choose between what’s good for my body and my child and what’s good for my job.”— Lisa, a deputy chief of staff

invisible work force

“One of the hardest things about working is not having the flexibility to immediately react to do what’s best for my family… Here’s an example: Right now, she’s sick, she looks terrible, she has a slight fever. The best thing for her would be to stay home with me today, but that’s not feasible. This morning, I did what all of the parents in my office talk about doing. I gave her Tylenol to hopefully keep the fever down long enough for her to go to school today. If it’s over 101, she can’t go to school for 24 hours. I can’t miss that much time off work this week.”— Cary, a customer experience manager

“The trip was four days, so I didn’t have enough milk for the baby. I flew my mom in. It was so hard.”— Rae, a senior analyst

invisible work force

Reluctance to Advocate for Career Growth

Most of the moms we talked with were not vying for a promotion at the time. In objective terms, this was baffling. These were the same moms we heard share stories of incredible sacrifice, devotion, and effort to their jobs. They gave up breastfeeding before they were ready because of work, they missed dinners with their children, and they came to work every day after giving emotional goodbyes and highly logistical drop-offs. These were also the same moms who noted that the financial compensation from work was more important than ever to support their families. But the act of explicitly “caring” to be promoted was seen as a burden.

Specifically, moms said they were uninterested in being promoted because they no longer had the patience for office politics, they lacked the time to advocate for themselves, they didn’t feel they deserved it because of their commitments outside of work, and the priorities they derived from work had changed. Once motivated by title and their place in the corporate hierarchy, they placed more importance on the work’s meaning.

“My objective isn’t to get promoted. At this point, it’s to do a good job in my role. I want to spend time with family and kids.”— Jennifer, a director of strategy and operations

“I feel like I’m not as worthy as other people who don’t need to leave at 5:30.” —Claire, director of branding

invisible work force

At face value, managers may interpret their direct reports’ lack of self-advocacy as opting out of greater career opportunities or selecting the so-called “mommy track.” But considering the behind-the-scenes effort and priority moms place on their jobs, these moms’ intentions may be grossly misunderstood.

“Even though I need to put limits in place, I still want to achieve and will work hard… I’m still ambitious even though I’m not in the office 12 hours a day.”— Stephanie, a data scientist

How Companies Could Benefit More from Moms

When women are overloaded with invisible work at home and making invisible sacrifices for work, they deprioritize advocating for career growth. As a result, they may be passed up for opportunities that would bring more fulfillment, challenge, and eventually leadership positions. At a glance, this could be interpreted as an issue that affects individuals: Claire should feel worthy of fighting for a promotion since she brings in the highest sales revenue on her team. But in taking a step back, Claire is part of a systemic problem. Women are disproportionately represented in leadership positions. Four in five C-suite leaders are men, and women are underrepresented in line roles at every level of the corporate pipeline. And women earn 4% less with each child they have.

By keeping moms employed and growing into leadership positions, companies benefit from attracting a more diverse workforce, which leads to greater innovation and creativity, lower turnover, easier recruitment, and capturing more of the market. Working moms have many superpowers that benefit their employers: Our participants said that after becoming a mom, they were more efficient, outspoken, and better able to prioritize. They had more perspective and were no longer sweating the small stuff.

There is no magic bullet that will adequately address all moms in all companies, but here are some guiding principles to make the invisible more visible:

  • Acknowledge and understand how hard it is for moms to show up at work every day. Learning about a mom’s family and her daily routines can help managers get a better picture of their whole self, not just their work self.
  • Create an environment where these topics are encouraged and discussed without penalty or judgment: What’s particularly challenging? What tradeoffs are moms making to do their jobs? How can you help them find fulfillment in their jobs and advance their careers at a pace that feels right to them?
  • Make parenthood more visible so moms can show up as their true selves. Encourage all parents, especially those in leadership positions, to talk about how their family affects their work. Create or connect moms to venues for parents to talk about their children — and also inquire about their children and their lives outside of work as appropriate.

Thank you to all the moms who shared their stories with us. You are an inspiration to us all.

For our next study, we want to focus on actionable solutions and partner with a company that cares about supporting moms. If you’d like to work with us or share your thoughts, you can reach us at shifttheworkplace.com

This post originally appeared on medium.com. All illustrations by Anne Kenny and Natalie Tulsiani.
Anne Kenny & Natalie Tulsiani
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Anne Kenny and Natalie Tulsiani are user researchers and designers who co-founded Shift the Workplace, a research consultancy that helps companies identify opportunities to support caregivers. With 30 years of combined experience at Huge, Microsoft and Airbnb, we offer tangible, practical recommendations tailored to the company's culture.