WalletHub’s annual report shows where working moms have the best access to childcare and professional opportunities

Women make up almost half of the U.S. workforce, and 73 percent of women with children under 18 were working in 2022. But despite the fact that being a working parent is the reality for the majority of moms in this country, it still isn’t an easy path. Working moms face discrimination, pay inequality, and other battles that should be a thing of the past, but sadly, still aren’t. Only 8.2 percent of S&P 500 companies’ chief executives are women, and women still only earn, on average, 82 percent of what men do (that’s white women, for the record—the gap is much larger for women of color). And even across the United States, the playing field isn’t equal for working moms—that’s where WalletHub’s new study comes in.

Each year, the finance site ranks U.S. states to determine which ones are the best (and worst) for working moms. Its 2023 rankings are in, and the results may surprise you. Ready to pack your bags? These 10 states are considered the best places to be a working mom:

1. Massachusetts
2. Rhode Island
3. Connecticut
4. District of Columbia
5. Wisconsin
6. Minnesota
7. Vermont
8. New Jersey
9. Maine
10. Delaware

On the flip side, these 10 states are considered the worst:

42. Arizona
43. Nevada
44. Oklahoma
45. New Mexico
46. Idaho
47. West Virginia
48. Mississippi
49. Alabama
50. South Carolina
51. Louisiana

To determine its rankings, WalletHub looks at three main factors that greatly impact the quality of life (and work) for working moms: child care, professional opportunities, and work-life balance. Each state is given scores based on things like the cost of daycare, how many pediatricians it has per capita, its gender pay gap, ratio of female-to-male executives, parental leave policies, and more.

“Working parents (not just mothers) need to be not only welcomed into, but really driving the conversations about how to rethink workplace culture, workforce expectations, and work-life negotiation,” said Jennifer L. Borda, a professor of communication at the University of New Hampshire and one of the experts consulted on the study. “There is a diverse population caring for children now, so being attuned to how different workers have different needs and how those needs may shift and evolve over time. For example, LGBTQ+ workers may have different needs than cisgender/heterosexual couples… Work should not be, can no longer be, one size fits all.”

Every child’s bookshelf (and every U.S. library) should have a book collection that represents the beauty and diversity of the United States.

Celebrating Native American culture has frequently been overlooked in children’s literature—especially stories that are told from an indigenous point of view. The good news is, that’s been changing over the last few years and today we find more Native American artists able to tell the stories they want to tell. From board books for babies to chapter books, these Native American children’s books tell new tales, reimagine traditional stories, and honor the modern presence and importance of our nation’s first peoples. Be sure to share these 14 indigenous heroes with your kids in honor of Indigenous Peoples Day, too.

My Heart Fills with Happiness

Reflect on the joy of little things, like holding hands, drumming, and the smell of warm bannock baking in the oven as you turn the pages of this brightly illustrated board book with your child. A gorgeous vehicle for an oft-needed reminder! Written by international speaker and award-winning author Monique Gray Smith who wrote this book to support the wellness of Indigenous children and families, it is also available in French, Spanish, Ojibwe, and Cree. Illustrated by celebrated artist Julie Flett. Ages: 0-2

Buy a copy here, $13

Sweetest Kulu

Lull your Little into dreamland with Celina Kalluk’s sweet sleepy-time poem that celebrates Inuit baby Kulu’s arrival. And what a guest list it was! The Smiling Sun, Wise Wind, and Snow Bunting are just a few who arrive on the scene in this board book,  ready to bestow gifts and well wishes on this precious newborn. Illustrated by Alexandria Neonakis. Ages: 0-2

Buy yours now, $10

The Good Luck Cat

Have you ever met a cat that gives you good luck when you pet it? Woogie is that type of cat until the good luck runs out. This modern Native American story is written by Joy Harjom, a member of the Muscogee (Creek) Nation.

Buy yours now, $11

We Are Water Protectors

we are the water protectors is a native american children's book

Winner of the 2021 Caldecott Medal and a #1 New York Times Bestseller, this powerful story is a call to arms to protect the Earth, the plants, the trees, the rivers, and the water from pollution and—more specifically—the Black Snake. The Black Snake, the pipeline, is a danger to the lifeblood of the Earth. It will poison the water and all of its creatures. Learn how to be a water protector with a glossary of terms and more info, followed by the powerful pledge: take it with your children—to be a steward of the Earth and its creatures and a protector of water.

The publisher even offers an online activity kit for children and classrooms.  Written by Anishinabe/Métis author and member of the Turtle Mountain Band of Ojibwe Indians, Carole Lindstrom with illustrations by Caldecott-medal-winning illustrator Michaela Goade, from the Raven moiety and Kiks.ádi Clan from Sitka, Alaska. Ages: 3-6 but frankly, we think everyone should take this pledge. 

Get your copy today, $13

Related: 14 Indigenous Heroes Every Kid Should Know By Name 

Bowwow Powwow

Bowwow Powwow is a Native American children's book

Told in both English and Ojibwe, the story of Windy Girl and her dog, Itchy Boy who love the stories of Uncle about the gatherings from his boyhood, and how Windy Girl and Itchy Boy love to attend the pow wow too. She loves the food, the dance, and the long nights of laughter. One night, Windy dreams about a very special powwow—with the elders, warriors, the many dancers...when she wakes she begins to understand that the powwow is both old and new, past and present, always moving, like the dancers. Written by Brenda Child, with the Ojibwe translation by Gordon Jourdain and illustrations by Jonathan Thunder. Ages: 3-7

Find a copy here, $18

Shaped By Her Hands: Potter Maria Martinez

Shaped By Her Hands is a native american children's book

This is the story of one of the greatest potters of all time—a Tewa woman who used her talents and traditions to create pottery that has become world-renowned. Born around 1887, in San Ildefonso Pueblo, near Santa Fe, New Mexico, Maria loved to play with clay, gathered from the Rio Grande. By observing the traditions of the potters around her in the Tewa Pueblo, Maria’s heavy interest is fostered by her Aunt Nicolasa, who begins to show Maria the methods and traditions of Tewa pottery: mixing the clay, coiling it, baking it, and always thanking Mother Earth for the gift of the clay.

As her interests grew, so did her reputation as one of the finest young potters around, and she even discovers a new firing method that is now legendary. Written by clay artist Anna Harber Freeman and illustrated by artist Aphelandra who captures the landscape of the Southwest in vibrant images reminiscent of the pottery itself. A true celebration of indigenous and women’s history. Ages: 4-9

Get a copy now, $17

Fry Bread: A Native American Family Story 

Fry Bread: A Native American Family Story 

Winner of the 2020 Robert F. Sibert Informational Book Medal and a 2020 American Indian Youth Literature Picture Book Honor Winner, this book lyrically tells the story of making fry bread—from ingredients to mealtime—as a sensory experience, weaving together the importance of the smells, sounds, and moments that fry bread represents.

Fry bread is nation. It is shared by many, from coast to coast and beyond.”

Sweet and powerful all at once, this simple bread is a poetic testimony to the strength of culture, survival, and nourishment. Written by Kevin Noble Millard, a member of the Seminole Nation, Mekusukey band, and illustrated by Juana Martinez-Neal. Ages: 3-6

Get a copy today, $12

Be Brave, Be Brave, Be Brave

Author F. Anthony Falcon had these thoughts when he first held his son: "Be brave, be brave, be brave." He and his wife were in the middle of Hurricane Harvey's landfall in Corpus Cristi Texas when she went into labor. This book, a meditation on what it means to be brave, is also the author's reconnection with his Lakota roots. It is both the story of little Lakota's perilous arrival into the world as it is about Falcon describing what it is to be a Native American man today. Beautifully illustrated by Trisha Mason. Ages: 3-7

Get your copy today here, $18

Hungry Johnny

Written by Cheryl Kay Minnema and illustrated by Welsey Ballinger, both members of the Mille Lacs Band, you'll love this story about a little guy everyone calls Hungry Johnny. And you guessed it, he loves to eat! Wild rice, fruit salad, sweet rolls—he looks forward to eating it all. After the food is prepared, Johnny and his family make their way to the community center, where he eagerly awaits the feast. But first, there’s the Ojibwe prayer. And next, the elders eat first. Johnny learns patience and respect as he awaits his turn at the table. (Spoiler alert: there’s plenty left for Johnny!). Ages: 3-7

Get your copy here, $18

Related: 30 Kids’ Books That Feature Diverse Characters

Crazy Horse's Vision

Crazy Horse's Vision is a Native American children's book

You may know the name Crazy Horse, the legendary Lakota warrior and chief, but do you know how he got this name? Or what he was like as a little boy? His nickname was Curly, because of his curly hair, and he once bravely rode a wild horse his father brought home. Though Curly’s childhood is good, it doesn’t take long before the white settlers and soldiers begin to take Lakota land.

When white soldiers mortally wound  Chief Conquering Bear, Curly bears witness to this attack. Fearful of the future for his people, he breaks from tradition and leaves to seek a vision: he sees a rider on the back of his own horse, floating above the ground. And this rider went through a storm of bullets and hail, nothing touched him. This is the Lakota story of how Crazy Horse got his name and used his vision to lead his people. Co-authored by award-winning Abenaki children’s book author, poet, novelist, and storyteller Joseph Bruchac and illustrated by Lakota artist S.D. Nelson. Ages: 6-9

Find your copy today, $12

Crossing Bok Chitto: A Choctaw Tale of Friendship & Freedom

First published in 2008, Crossing Bok Chitto received starred reviews and numerous awards, including being named ALA Notable Children’s Book and winning a Jane Addams Honor Book award. An original story about the intersection of Native and African Americans received starred tells the story of a young Choctaw girl who crosses the Bock Chittor River in Mississippi and helps a young enslaved person and his family escape slavery via the river. Choctaw storyteller Tim Tingle’s artful words are accompanied by Jeanne Rorex Bridges’ art. Ages: 7-13

Get a copy here, $9

Race to the Sun

Race to the Sun is a Native American children's book

One of the newest books in the “Rick Riordan Presents” series (which graced us with such home runs as Tristan Strong and Aru Shah) Nebula- and Hugo-award winning, Indigenous/Black author Rebecca Roanhorse brings the epic adventures of a young Navajo girl, Nizhoni Begay, who turns out to be a monster slayer. Learn about famous heroes and monsters of the Navajo as your route for Nizhoni, her twin brother Mac, and her best friend Davery, in this page-turning novel for middle-grade readers that does not disappoint. Ages: 8-12

Get your copy right this second,$8

How I Became a Ghost—A Choctaw Trail of Tears Story (Book 1)

how I became a ghost is a native american children's book

This is the story of a tribe’s removal from the only land they’d ever known and subsequent journey to Oklahoma along what is known as The Trail of Tears, told from the point of view of the ghost of a Choctaw boy. At first, we learn about Isaac, who is 10, and his life among the Choctaw. Soon, however, tragedy comes, and Isaac, as was true of so many children who were forced to walk it, does not survive the Trail of Tears. Perhaps for the first time, the travesty of the Trail of Tears and removal of the Choctaw is told in print for children from a uniquely Choctaw perspective—it is both heartwrenching and utterly necessary.

And yet, it is a story of resilience and innocence respite with lovable characters, including a five-year-old ghost and a talking dog, as Isaac has the ability to help those left behind. Written by Tim Tingle, an Oklahoma Choctaw and an award-winning author and storyteller, whose great-great-grandfather, John Carnes, walked the Trail of Tears in 1835. Ages: 9-12 

Get yours here, $9

 

 

Wedged between homework and fundraising forms in the kindergarten folder was a letter to parents: It advised us of an upcoming active shooter response drill. Words like armed intruder spread across sentences on school letterhead detailing the session for students. The following week, stuffed between readers, handwriting and math practice papers was a new note addressing the tragedy at the Tree of Life Synagogue, outlining activities the children would participate in to honor first responders and victims of the tragic event.

I found myself staring at the school papers, formulating a dialogue in my mind. A conversation difficult for adults alone, but now necessary to have with my daughter.

We cover things quickly—I’m lucky to get this five-year-old to sit and focus for just a few minutes. We discuss the ALICE acronym (alert, lockdown, inform, counter, evacuate), and she tells me what she’s responsible for during the event of an active shooting: “We run and hide, throw things at the bad guy and get out.” My stomach turns. Our local police officers equipped with firearms were unable to fully protect themselves from bullets sprayed by the shooter who injured and killed innocent people near Mr. Rogers’ real-life neighborhood—a tight-knit community located across a few steel bridges from us.

This talk is tough. I let her take the lead and let me know what she learned, chiming in with my own what would you do scenario. The most important element I ask my child to take away from our conversation is to always be aware of your surroundings. This message I will ingrain in her mind every time we arrive in a public place. “Look for exits and identify a quick and easy way out in case of emergency. Be aware of where you’re sitting, and if possible, never have your back to the main entrance.” Unsettling, right?

Our conversation isn’t long. She wants a snack and some crayons to color, bored by my big words and requests to repeat after me.

Hearts are heavy, and it’s hard not to notice the sadness surrounding the city of Pittsburgh. I’m shaken knowing my little girl is at school, bowing her head on the playground in a moment of silence. I’m unsure if she fully understands what is going on—reoccurring acts of gun violence are forcing her to grow up too soon.

Our children are being trained to defend themselves. The ALICE acronym is now as important as the ABCs. Our little ones are learning survival skills to run, hide and fight for their lives because dangerous people are hurting others with automatic weapons laws protect.

No matter how much we are divided on politics and personal rights, it’s small acts of kindness that cement us. Writing thank-you notes to first responders, delivering sympathy cards to family members grieving lost ones and donating blood to victims of gun violence show we love and support one another and the communities we live in. For those taking a stand against the evil of intolerance and hate growing around us at an alarming rate, I cannot help but think of Pat Benatar’s song “Invincible.” The battle cry chorus reminds me of every one of us echoing we are #StrongerThanHate.

“We can’t afford to be innocent / Stand up and face the enemy / It’s a do or die situation / We will be invincible.”

Originally published Nov. 2018.

As managing director of two children—19-months apart in age on purpose—Sara has hands-on experience in human development, specializing in potty pushing, breaking up baby fights and wrestling kids into car seats. When there's a moment to look away, she's writing for the web, blogging and building websites.

You might call it the “D” word—divorce. Many children are blessed to be overwhelmingly loved by two caring adults who are able to cohesively co-parent. Then there are some children, like my own, who are not only left in turmoil but are also left with an absentee parent.

The father of my first two children could be summed up as a slow-motion train wreck. There is too much to go into great detail about, but his biggest flaw is choosing to be the equivalent of a distant cousin as opposed to a father: going weeks and even months without contact, missing birthday phone calls and falling about two years behind on child support payments.

Seeing the heartache on my children’s faces prompted me to become the Queen Mother of Overcompensation. I now had to step into their father’s shoes. I had to make up for all that he was screwing up.

At first, it was harmless: trying to make sure I fulfilled every wish on the birthday and Christmas list. I mean, how couldn’t I? How could I make his lack of financial or emotional help be the fault of a child?

Next came the emotional compensation, choosing to ignore problematic behaviors simply because of the pain the kids were feeling due to the loss of a family unit. I can remember the day my then-third grader leveled a classroom following an angry encounter with his teacher. I remember being terribly embarrassed and expressing that to every faculty member in view, but moments later, taking him for ice cream to talk it out.

I was afraid of being the “bad parent.” That if my children saw me put my foot down, they would hate me. I feared they would want and long for the one who wouldn’t even take the time to pick up the phone to return a call. I had to be all they needed wrapped in one. Believe it or not, I needed their love during this difficult time as much as they needed mine. I was afraid to parent my own children.

As I continued this path of destruction, I slowly began to realize that my pattern of enabling them was like putting scotch tape on a leaky pipe; sooner or later, that tape slides off, and the real problem bursts through. The gifts and the ice cream didn’t stop the anger and only calmed the raging storms. The phone calls from school didn’t stop. The ADD/ADHD diagnosis came next, which led to bigger, more underlying issues being discovered. My children were in pain, and no toy could fix that. More needed to be done!

I had to recognize my own toxic behavior in being my children’s enabler. The naysayers were right—they needed love, yes—but they also need guidance and a strong mother who stood firm in her decisions and who wouldn’t waffle at their whimpering. They needed a mother who was confident enough to know that she could never fully fill the void of their absent father.

I also had to acknowledge that I, too, was in pain. Divorce is never easy for children, but for the parties who vowed to spend the rest of their lives together, it was devastating. I cried myself to sleep some nights, afraid to face the world as something I never wanted to be. I was now a single mother and, most of all, alone. Loneliness eats away at you, and I longed to fill the void.

As these thoughts came rushing over me, I realized what I was doing to myself. Trying to overcompensate for someone who couldn’t care less was like ordering a Big Mac with a Diet Coke—it made no sense. I was an emotional wreck and I was passing that disease to my own children. I had to make a choice. I had to decide if I wanted to continue to fill the emotional loss with worthless items or if I wanted to help my children heal.

I wanted them to heal, so I had to hold myself and them accountable for our poor choices.

Part of that process meant allowing my children to talk it out with someone other than myself. The school counselors were amazing in this transition; my boys opened up and let them into their safe zone. They were given strategies to deal with anger and to calm themselves. They began talking more about missing their father and how it made them feel that he rarely fulfilled his role. While these were steps in the right direction, the healing process takes time. We continue to take it step by step and remember that we are in it together.

I know that we are not all lucky enough to have the perfect co-parenting scenario, though that’s what we all want for our children. In the event that we don’t get that happy ending, understanding that we are in charge of guarding our children’s emotional healing—and proceeding carefully and responsibly—is key.

Originally published January 2019.

RELATED LINKS
When Divorce Is the Only Answer
Dear Husband: I Need More Help from You
My Child with ADHD Needs Kinder—Not Tougher—Parenting

I am just regular mom of three wonderful boys and a married to the love of my life! I hope to reach people through writing and expressing my true experiences. My goal is to help a parent realize that no matter the struggle, they are not alone in the journey! 

We’ve all gotten used to streaming blockbuster videos at home during the pandemic, especially when it comes to kid flicks. Thankfully, many films are coming to streaming providers earlier than ever, and that includes Lin-Manuel Miranda’s Encanto!

Disney’s newest film just hit theaters on Nov. 24, but you won’t have to wait much longer to view it from the comfort of your own sweatpants home. According to What’s on Disney Plus, the movie is coming to the Disney+ platform on Dec. 24! And while you wait for Friday to come, you can watch a special new featurette about the film right now!

 

Because the film is exclusively in theaters for 30 days, you won’t have to purchase Premier Access (usually $30) to watch it come Dec. 24. Your regular subscription is all you need!

Walt Disney Animation Studios’ Encanto tells the story of the Madrigal family, who live in the mountains of Colombia in a special place called Encanto. The location is home to the family, but also to plenty of magic. Keep scrolling to catch the official trailer.

Mirabel, the only one in her family without magical powers, is on a journey to find her place in the family. Voicing the character, Stephanie Beatriz shares, “Mirabel is a really funny, loving character who also deeply yearns for something more. She’s also not afraid to stand up for what she knows is right—something I love and relate to very much.”

The film features new original songs by Lin-Manuel Miranda, as well as the voice of Colombian singer and songwriter, Carlos Vives.

––Karly Wood

Feature photo: Walt Disney Animation Studios via YouTube

 

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As I work to raise my kids, I often think back to my mid-20s when I started entertaining the idea of ever having children.

I remember deciding I would be more of a mentor than a parent. I told myself I would never take any shortcuts. And most hilariously of all, I thought I would never ever allow my child to throw a tantrum.

But most of these ideas came back to bite me when I became a mom. On one occasion, I even found myself standing in the middle of the grocery store, watching in horror as my 3-year-old had a (very loud) public meltdown.

Unfortunately, that was far from the last time something like that happened. But, since then, I have managed to learn about the reasons my kids were having tantrums. And, more importantly, my partner and I found a few good ways of fixing the issue.

What Are Tantrums or Acting Out?

Before I could start looking for ways to prevent my kids from acting out, I had to understand what the concept meant in the first place. According to most sources, it’s an exhibition of improper behavior or unrestrained actions. It’s also usually caused by emotions that have been suppressed or that have not been acknowledged.

Basically, children act out to reduce stress. It’s their way of showing emotions that have previously been hidden. And the best way to prevent it is to address these stressors directly.

The following are the things we focused on while attempting to prevent major tantrums.

1. Their Needs Are Unmet 
When trying to figure out why our older child was acting out, this was the first thing we looked at. After all, don’t we all get a bit cranky when our basic needs aren’t met?

Young children aren’t always capable of voicing their needs. Instead, they act out (like when they need to pee but are shy to tell us.)

We have a couple of strategies in place to prevent tantrums caused by unmet needs:

  • Have a few healthy snacks on hand
  • Make up for missed sleep
  • Have a strict “pee before we leave the house” policy

Of course, this doesn’t mean that there aren’t any mishaps. But at least we’re doing our best to prevent unnecessary stress for everyone in the family.

2. They Are Afraid
Children have fears that they grow out of in time (like monsters or men with beards). These are usually caused by something they have seen, read or heard, and can cause them to act out. When this type of thing happens in our family, our strategy is always to have a conversation around it. First, we try to identify the fear. Then, we do our best to dismantle it.

One of the essential things about addressing tantrums caused by fear is that we have to stop ourselves from dismissing our children’s fears. Yes, they may seem irrational to us. But, for a child, they can be perfectly reasonable.

3. School-Related Stress
One of the more recent episodes in our household just happened to be around my oldest’s exams. At first, I was baffled as to why he would be acting so uncharacteristically. Then, it turned out that his behavior was stress-related.

Children who are ambitious and want to do well in school often get very stressed out about their exams. This, in turn, will cause them to act out at some point. However, they may not even be able to identify exam stress as the cause of their mood. They’ll just know what they feel like without realizing the reason behind their feelings.

When exam season approaches, we’ve found that the best thing to do is attempt to relieve some of the stress our child is experiencing. We try to give him his space, accept that he may have a shorter fuse and try not to add fuel to the fire by asking too many questions about his study habits.

4. Not Understanding Limitations 
With our younger child, the cause of his tantrums rarely seemed to be that he was sleepy or stressed or afraid. Rather, it was that he had to understand the logic behind everything. And if he didn’t, he just wouldn’t obey, and he’d carry on doing his own thing.

With him, our main method of fixing the problems relied on “learning lessons.” If he wanted to do something, it was never enough just to say no. We had to explain the logic behind our rules in a way he could accept.

So the reason for not being allowed to eat chocolate after bedtime wasn’t that mom and dad said so—it was that he had already brushed his teeth and eating food could lead to tooth decay and (potentially) painful visits to the dentist.

5. Being Overcontrolled 
Finally, when our kids throw tantrums or act out, it’s not a bad idea to reflect on whether their behavior is caused by something we’re doing as parents.

Children who feel they are being controlled too much and have no way to assert themselves will often act out. And we parents often run a very tight ship. Or we may simply be imposing expectations that are too high for our kids. When this is the case, they might decide that lying or hiding certain behaviors is the best course of action.

If we find that we are a bit too strict, it’s completely fine to loosen up a bit. After all, perfection is impossible. And expecting it from our children is unfair and stressful—both to them and to us.

Children will be children, and they will naturally act out to test their boundaries and to learn more about life. When they do, attempt to work out the underlying cause of their behavior. Then work on that, as opposed to fixing the mere superficial behaviors.

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Holly Schaeffer is a long-time writer focusing on health, lifest‌yle, and home improvement. Originally from New Jersey, she moved to California to pursue a degree in creative writing. She now spends her days split between writing and raising her two young sons.

Dads often serve as the first male role models for their daughters, shaping a girl’s worldview of how men interact with those around them, how they process (or don’t process) their emotional selves, and how they show what they truly value. The things father figures do with their daughters are important, of course, but what’s arguably just as important are the things they say. We asked around and gathered 15 things every daughter should hear from her dad. Keep reading to see them all.

Pixaby

1. You can grow up to be anything you want to be.
Despite all of the progress that has been made in breaking down social and economic barriers for women around the world, studies show that gender roles persist and continue to be established at a very early age for both girls and boys. Fathers can help to combat the straitjacketing effect of gender roles on girls by reminding our daughters that they can grow up to become whatever they set their minds on, even President of the United States.

2. It's okay to ask for help.
Studies have shown that most men don't want to or don't know how to ask for help because they've been taught it's a sign of weakness to need assistance. But, if you show that you aren't afraid to reach out for advice, knowledge or guidance, you'll be able to teach your daughter how to do the same.

Kipp Jarecke-Cheng

3. Your mother/father is my best friend.
Modeling a strong and positive relationship with your spouse directly affects the kinds of relationships that children pursue with their friends and peers now as well as later in life. Daughters with fathers who respect and cherish their spouses will mirror that behavior in the relationships that they have in their childhood and beyond.

4. Do what makes you happy.
Your daughter will see you go to work every day, follow your hobbies and passions. It's important that she knows life isn't just about how much money you make or how many winning teams you're on, but if you're happy while it's happening.

iStock

5. I'm here for you, always.
Kids need to know that they can count on you, even when they're teenagers. You want your daughter to ask you about boys and other grown-up stuff because you've been there.

6. I’m sad.
Don’t be afraid to let your daughter know when you’re feeling down. Studies have shown a direct correlation between a parent’s ability to express emotion and a child’s social competence. A parent’s expression of positive emotion toward his child is generally associated with better social development for the child. Conversely, a parent’s negative emotional expression and poor social development can adversely impact the emotional and social development of a child.

iStock

7. Let me tell you a secret.
Share a secret with your daughter. She’ll appreciate your candor and vulnerability. And maybe she’ll share a secret of her own with you.

8. Let’s play football.
As adults, we sometimes forget that play is an essential part of childhood. For dads, we can sometimes feel more comfortable rough-housing with our sons, but our daughters want to get in on the action, too. For fathers of daughters, there’s no reason why we can’t toss a football with our daughters.

Shopify Partners via Burst

9. Do you want ice cream for dinner?
Sometimes having ice cream for dinner is the right answer to any question.

10. What do you think?
When you ask your daughter for advice, you show that her opinion matters and that you respect her. Plus, you might be surprised by her answers and be able to look at a problem with a fresh perspective. 

Caroline Hernandez via Unsplash

11. I’m so grateful that I get to be your dad.
In the hustle and bustle of daily life, it’s easy to forget to express gratitude. Letting our daughters know how lucky and proud we are to be their dad can remind them that we are there for them and that we don’t take our role for granted.

12. What do you want to do?
Ask your daughter what she wants to do on a father-daughter date. There are plenty of ideas to choose from

dad and tween daughter talking
iStock

13. Never let anyone pressure you. 
Whether it's bullying another kid, breaking the rules, or being talked into doing something physical she doesn't want to do, daughters need to truly understand that she's got the power to say no and walk away at any time.

14. I am so proud of you. 
Kids need to hear that their parents are proud of their accomplishments, no matter how trivial it may seem.

15. I love you.
Tell your daughter that you love her every day. Tell her multiple times a day. Tell her even when she thinks it’s corny. Tell her because you do.

— Kipp Jarecke-Cheng with Gabby Cullen 

Featured image: iStock 

 

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20 Things You Should Say to Your Kids Every Day

Photo: istock

It’s been over a week since the murder of George Floyd. Are you tired? I’ve seen a lot of you say that the weight of the nation is exhausting right now—the anger, the sadness, the confusion, the constant news updates. The fear that you’re going to say or do something wrong sits heavy on your chest. I ask you to sit with that weight, that exhaustion, that vulnerability. It’s so important to do so now more than ever. Why? Because that’s the weight that our black community has been carrying alone for decades. It’s time to carry that burden with them.

The way that you’re questioning every move you make, every word you say, is what POC have to do every day. Those little things build up. Do you text your friend the night before a job interview to ask them if you should straighten your hair because you’re afraid you won’t get the job if you wear it natural? Do you hide your bottle of water before you walk into a store because you’re afraid they’ll think you stole it? Have you ever had to talk to your kids about what to do if they ever get arrested? And those are just the small, everyday things. But they build up.

I’m probably in the minority when I say this, but now is the time for uplifting, hopeful messages. I’m seeing a lot of you say, “We need some goodness in our lives right now.” And while it’s good for everyone’s mental health to carve out some moments of peace for yourself, so that you can smile even just for a second, it’s important that we sit in the hurt, discomfort, and overwhelm right now. Why? Because if we don’t, then this fire that we all feel right now is just going to burn out. We’re going to go back to our everyday lives after a few days of posting meaningful quotes and this will just be another protest that goes nowhere. We owe it to the black community to feel uncomfortable right now.

So I encourage you to spend some time in the dark. In the hurt. In the pain. In the confusion. In the sadness. In the anger.

Natalie Fuertes is the owner of Industry Gymnastics, a gymnastics facility in NYC that focuses on creating a space that is welcoming to all children, regardless of race, gender identity, or sexual-orientation. She is a proud Nuyorican, racial justice advocate, wife, and mama of two. 

As a new mom, it can be flattering when your children only want you. No matter if it’s a scratched knee, a bedtime story, or that special way you put on their socks, kids gravitate toward Mom. It can make you feel loved, needed, and (after a while) like you can’t be away for more than a moment. Actually, not even a moment. They find you fast.

Children don’t mean to insult your partner by refusing assistance, and they don’t consciously intend to monopolize all your time. (Even though they often do both.) They simply seek comfort. At all times. And they are used to you.

 

What’s the best way to share parenting responsibilities?

There may not be an official best way that applies to all situations. There may be places where you want to be the go-to parent, and others you want to share. Even though your partner might already want to share in the duties, you might find you need to be the one to initiate communication. Often dads aren’t even aware of a problem unless we communicate our needs.

If you’re like most moms, the bulk of child interaction defaults to you. Plus, we sometimes overlook our need for space and time to ourselves. If we do recognize the need, we either feel guilty or dread the logistical challenges involved. (If you think, “What would I do anyway?” It’s is a clear sign that you need time to connect with yourself.) Remember, you are a better parent when you have time to recharge your own battery. If you’re in a spot where you want your partner to share the love AND have your kids running to both of you, try these three steps.

 

Step One: Communicate Your Needs

The first step is shining light on the issue. There’s a chance your spouse doesn’t even realize that you’re not in maternal bliss with your kids hanging on you 24/7. After all, that’s what moms do, right? You might need to let him know that you want a more balanced distribution of hang time (so to speak). Approach this conversation by recognizing the benefit of both parents and different parenting styles (even though hopefully you’ve discussed and decided on your overall parenting approach already). When you frame the conversation in terms of a win-win for everyone, especially the kids, you might get even more buy-in. Even if the issue deals more with your child’s behavior, having a conversation with your partner is always the place to start.

 

Step Two: Create Bonding Moments

No matter how upset your children get when you’re away, encourage your partner to develop his own way of playing and dealing with tough situations. Hopefully, there are already games and things that your partner and kids do together. You want them to be comfortable with each other when there’s not a crisis. That’s the place to start. Then, practice with the ‘crisis’ moments. If your child bursts into tears when you leave the room, have your partner come up with a game, story, or distraction to lessen that reaction and develop a stronger relationship. If you are the eternal boo-boo fixer, then let your husband craft his signature way of dealing with scraps and bruises. (And this could mean giving him the first aid kit and saying you really need to go to the bathroom, like, right now. Whatever works.)  Creating time when your kids play with your partner (especially if it doesn’t happen automatically) helps them develop a stronger relationship that will continue to grow as everyone matures. Sometimes you might be able to be home for these shenanigans, and sometimes you may need to physically remove yourself from their space.

 

Step Three: Remove Thyself

If you are always available, then your children will always want you. It’s good for you and your children to have some time away from each other. This cannot be overstated: It is good for you AND your kids to have time away from each other. Set a regular ‘mom’s out of the house’ time where your partner takes over. It doesn’t matter what you do with this time, but make sure you honor it. Keep to the schedule to give them time to grow and work out their own system. It’s ok for it to be awkward, for the kids to cry, and for your husband to find his own way of parenting without texting you constantly. That’s necessary for everyone’s comfort level. Note: Be wary of controlling what happens when your partner takes over. The benefit of different parenting styles is accurate, and even though it won’t be like you do it – whatever “it” is – everyone will be happier and healthier. And if the house is destroyed when you come home (thus, feeling like more work for you), revisit Step One and continue the conversation.

These three simple steps have endless variations and may need to be revisited as your relationships develop, your children mature, and your needs evolve. Don’t be afraid to have awkward conversations, speak up for what you need, and persist through any uncomfortable behavior from your child, spouse, or yourself. Changing up the expected dynamic is bound to push buttons and bring up emotion. Rest assured that when you can be away without crisis, you’ll be happier and your family will thrive no matter who’s got the snacks.

 

Cara Maclean, Wellness Coach & Writer, works with moms to undo what keeps them exhausted. We cultivate the calm, joyful energy needed to handle any challenge with humor and grace. Author of Just the Way It Is: A Look at Gifted/2e Families, Spring 2022, GHF Press. Learn more at CaraMaclean.com

The highly anticipated Paramount+ streaming service launches today—with 7,000+ episodes of your kiddo’s fave shows and so much more!

What can you expect from Paramount+? Among the over 7,000 kid-friendly faves, your child will find Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, PAW Patrol, SpongeBob SquarePants, Dora the Explorer, Are You Afraid of the Dark?, Rugrats: All Grown Up and Henry Danger.

Not only will the streaming service treat your littles to some of the most beloved series, but your family can also view recent Paramount theatrical hits such as Sonic the Hedgehog, Dora and the Lost City of Gold and The Addams Family. Along with series and movies your family already knows and loves, Paramount+ will also bring fan favorite characters back in a whole new way. Look for the first-ever CGI SpongeBob motion picture, Kamp Koral: SpongeBob’s Under Years and a new flick, The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge on the Run.

Get nostalgic with a ’90s throwback done in an all new way for an all new generation. Paramount+ will bring your kiddos a brand-new Rugrats CG animation series! If you’re looking for something to watch when the kids go to sleep, take a trip back in time to the first ever Real World series with The Real World Homecoming: New York. This all-new reality show picks up where there seven strangers left off—almost 30 years later.

You have two tier choices to stream Paramount+. The premium tier ($9.99) includes live sports, CBS’ live linear feed, and commercial-free entertainment. Starting June 2021 you can subscribe to a $4.99 ad-supported tier that will include plenty of sports, news, entertainment—but will not feature local live CBS station programming. In the meantime, subscribers can choose a $5.99 ad-supported tier that will include live CBS programming. The $5.99 option is only available until June.

—Erica Loop

Featured photo: Courtesy Paramount+/Paramount Animation 

 

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