Photo: Storyblocks

When a grandparent, parent or older relative has Alzheimer’s disease, it affects everyone, including the kids. One second, they might recognize the children. The next, they’re calling them a stranger and blaming them for stealing the car keys. This emotional rollercoaster can easily confuse and frighten kids—just as it would an adult.

In those moments, you can provide comfort by helping them better understand Alzheimer’s and how the disease will change their relationship with the affected relative.

1. Explain the Disease
When you receive a diagnosis or your relative with Alzheimer’s moves in with you, you’ll want to explain the disease to your kids. Share the signs and symptoms and ask them if they’ve noticed these red flags in their loved one. Maybe the warning signs have been there for a while.

Explain that one in nine people age 65 and older has Alzheimer’s to reassure them they aren’t alone. There are kids just like them with affected family members who are experiencing similar emotions.

2. Anticipate & Encourage Questions
After sharing all of this new information, it’s only natural that your little ones would have questions, so do your research before having a conversation. Prepare to answer inquiries about the prognosis, the risk of other family members contracting the disease and how their symptoms might progress.

If your child shuts down and withdraws from the person with Alzheimer’s, gently begin a conversation about their response. Be an active listener and encourage them to share their emotions. Then, be a little vulnerable and share your feelings to encourage an open line of communication.

3. Be Honest & Concise
Of course, you may want to refrain from going into detail when explaining the disease and answering questions. Besides, there’s no reason to share a grim prognosis or startling new discoveries about your loved one’s health. These details will only scare younger kids and leave them with more questions than answers. Therefore, it’s best to keep your answers simple and concise. Be honest but don’t overshare. Your child could use some hope right now, not more reason to worry.

4. Prepare for Changes
Unfortunately, the symptoms of Alzheimer’s will progress and worsen over time. Even if a loved one seems completely normal today, they may be confused again tomorrow. If this relative is living with your family and the emotional rollercoaster becomes too much, you may choose to move them into an assisted living residence. There, they can enjoy therapy, sensory stimulation and other engaging activities.

These changes can happen more quickly than anyone can anticipate, so it’s best to prepare your kids before they occur. Talk about potential moves, developments and next steps ahead of time and answer any questions your children might have.

5. Validate Feelings
Another important part of helping kids and teens understand Alzheimer’s disease is validating their emotions. Your children could experience guilt, shame, sadness, anger, confusion and other emotions, and all of them are authentic and understandable. Get to the bottom of their feelings and normalize them by asking questions, stating facts and being genuine about your own feelings.

Most important, practice being present during these conversations. Get on your kid’s level, make eye contact and be with them at that moment. Once they express themselves, they’ll feel better and maybe even a little optimistic about the situation.

6. Plan Bonding Time
Sometimes, your little one will feel awkward around those with Alzheimer’s. In this case, it’s plan family activities to help them feel connected and comfortable. First, plan short outings or activities as an entire family so your child has time to adjust to being around the person with Alzheimer’s. Then, you can begin planning more one-on-one bonding time.

Plan a baking day and have your loved one teach the next generation how to make a special pastry or traditional family recipe. Get artsy and let the two paint together. You might even let them watch reruns of old shows or listen to old-timey music together. These activities will provide common ground for them to reconnect and make precious memories.

7. Teach Patience
It’s relatively common for kids to become impatient with grandparents or other relatives with Alzheimer’s disease. After all, frequently repeating yourself and keeping track of things for someone else can be a bit frustrating at times.

Show your kids a little grace when they react angrily or voice their displeasure. Then, teach them to be patient in future scenarios. Talk about what might happen or how they might feel if grandpa forgets where he put the remote again. Going through potential scenarios might help them respond more carefully next time.

Family Is Forever
The most heartbreaking question you might hear from your kids is “Will they forget about me?” Sadly, this is a very real possibility. However, in these moments, it’s best to remind your little one that, while their grandparent may not recognize them sometimes, they can certainly feel love. The two generations will always hold one another in their hearts because family is forever. When you’re all having a rough day, hold onto that truth.

RELATED: Easy Ways to Stay Connected to Grandparents from a Distance

Kara Reynolds is the Editor-in-Chief and founder of Momish Magazine.  A mom of four and matriarch to her big blended family, Kara wants nothing more than to normalize differences in family structures.  She enjoys peeing alone, pancakes, and pinot noir - but not at the same time. 

Photo: Elizabeth North

As a child, did you ever wake early with anticipation? Were you one of the children who rushed to see exactly what was under the tree? I was. Patience was never a strong suit and surprises are something I am still not a fan of. In fact, Christmas memories are some of my favorite from my childhood.

My mom, her sisters, sometimes her brothers, their spouses, and up to 11 kids crammed into one home for up to a week celebrating not only the magic of Christmas but the blessing of life, of family. We had some crazy times, from almost losing a child in the snow to my all-time favorite memory waking early to meet my cousin face to face crawling around long before we were “allowed” to be up. As we faced off under a pile of gifts we both startled and then gulped in as much air as possible to keep from blowing our cover. The belly laughs and joy we held within continues to resonate in my mind nearly 30 years later.   

The excitement of Christmas and preparing our hearts and mind for the holiday season could be compared to the preparation for parenthood, for the dreams you create for the children you expect. Sometimes, however, you receive the unexpected. In those moments, emotions swell. Perhaps you’re weighed down by disappointment, fear, anxiety, pain, sadness. Perhaps you wonder how you will feel strength or find a way to be thankful for a life you didn’t anticipate? In those moments, however, if you take a deep breath and step back you may begin to see it, to feel it, and to understand the gift is so much more than what you actually wanted it was in fact what you actually needed.   

Autism is like that. The last five years have changed almost everything in our lives. While it has taken so much, in the end, I choose to look at what it has given me. Today, I reflect and see how much I have grown, how much this wasn’t supposed to be a journey but my destiny to challenge, change myself and walk beside a child who was intended for me.   

In dark moments, I have found what matters. People who care have come out of places I never expected. True friends have stuck around and I have been blessed to meet people in my life I never would have encountered if it weren’t for autism. Autism has taught me patience. It taught me to be present, to acknowledge the small moments of growth. It has taught me that unwrapping the most precious gift may not look like what I wanted or expected but in the end, it’s better than I could have ever imagined.   

As this holiday season is upon us, I could choose to be sad, to be mad, to be angry for what could have been or what I wanted—I spent too many years like that. Instead, I can choose to seek the joy in what is, in the moments that matter, and cherish what we have because reality is, there is a gift when you choose to unwrap it.                         

I'm a mom of many who is living her best life navigating a busy world full of ups and downs. Managing five kids and one with additional needs I enjoy learning through living and sharing what I know. I can't wait to share our Messy World with you.

More and more jobs have gone remote since the pandemic started. Right now the remote job marketplace is extremely competitive so knowing which soft skills are crucial for success in the top remote career categories will help put job seekers in the best position possible. FlexJobs, the leader in remote jobs, and PAIRIN, a leader in soft skill development, has teamed together to identify the top 10 career categories offering the most remote jobs in 2020 and the skills job seekers need to succeed in these emerging remote careers.

remote work

“Remote job seekers face a very competitive job market right now, as remote jobs have become even more desirable in the current pandemic environment, and there are certainly more opportunities in some career categories versus others,” said Sara Sutton, founder and CEO of FlexJobs. “To help job seekers land a coveted remote job, FlexJobs is proud to partner with PAIRIN to not only identify where those jobs are available, but also help candidates understand the specific soft skills that are needed for them to stand out and succeed in those careers,” Sutton concluded.

Dr. Dan Hawthorne, director of I/O psychology and head of research at PAIRIN, conducted the research and analysis to identify the critical skills for each career category. “The COVID-19 pandemic forced many companies to break down pre-existing barriers to quickly adapt and move their workforces to remote work,” said Dr. Hawthorne. “Now that these organizations have the structure in place to support remote workers, it is expected that many will continue to offer remote working opportunities for the long-term. This, in turn, presents a bright outlook for remote work in the future,” Dr. Hawthorne added.

A “remote job” is defined as a professional-level job that allows the worker to work from home either entirely or part of the time. The ten career categories identified had job listings for the most remote jobs in the FlexJobs database from Mar. 1, 2020 through Nov. 30, 2020.  Included under each career category are the five most important soft skills, as identified through PAIRIN’s personalized, science-based research, that professionals need in order to thrive in that respective career. 

Computer & IT 

  • Creativity – The desire to think, do, and express in ways that are different from the norm. This includes personal elaborations or variations on known or existing techniques.
  • Originality – The ability to invent or independently conceive of ideas, methods, or products of the first order (underived), regardless of their usefulness.
  • Objective-Analytical – The emphasis of logic and fact-based evaluating over feelings, suggesting clarity, thoroughness, and productivity. 
  • Problem Solving – To discover, analyze, and solve a range of unfamiliar problems in both conventional and creative ways.
  • Critical Thinking – To gather and objectively assess key information as a guide to belief or action. An intellectual process that uses analysis, conceptualization, synthesis, and evaluation.

 Medical & Health 

  • Service Orientation – The ability to anticipate, identify, and meet people’s often unspoken needs through assistance, products, or services. The drive to generate customer satisfaction and loyalty.
  • Supportiveness – The drive to assist, protect, and provide for others in emotional or physical need.
  • Social Awareness – To relate and respond to the feelings, needs, and concerns of individuals or broader societal groups. (Includes: Empathy, Organizational Awareness, and Service Orientation).
  • Accountability – To be answerable. To take responsibility for outcomes through appropriate use of resources, personal integrity, and self-monitoring.
  • Compliance – Global tendencies to maintain self-discipline and conform to another’s plan, rules, will, or direction.

 Project Management

  • Relationship Management – To use awareness of one’s own emotions and those of others to navigate interactions successfully. (Includes: Inspiration, Influence, Enriching Others, Cooperation, Change, and Conflict Management). 
  • Collaboration & Teamwork – To combine efforts and resources with others toward a common goal. To work effectively and respectfully with diverse teams.
  • Dynamism – Global tendencies to generate results through intentional, resourceful, energetic mindsets and behaviors.
  • Productivity – To set and meet goals, even in the face of obstacles and competing pressures. To prioritize, plan, and manage work to achieve the intended results.
  • Stress Tolerance – To endure pressure or uncertainty without becoming negative (e.g. hopeless, bitter, or hostile) toward self or others.

Sales

  • Influential Leadership – The ability to positively persuade others’ choices by focusing on what is important to them and building consensus. 
  • Conflict Management – The ability to effectively negotiate and resolve disagreements.
  • Social Awareness – To relate and respond to the feelings, needs, and concerns of individuals or broader societal groups. (Includes: Empathy, Organizational Awareness, and Service Orientation). 
  • Service Orientation – The ability to anticipate, identify, and meet people’s often unspoken needs through assistance, products, or services. The drive to generate customer satisfaction and loyalty.
  • Assertiveness – Global tendencies to express and interact with boldness, enthusiasm, and confidence.

Accounting & Finance 

  • Social Awareness – To relate and respond to the feelings, needs, and concerns of individuals or broader societal groups. (Includes: Empathy, Organizational Awareness, and Service Orientation). 
  • Compliance – Global tendencies to maintain self-discipline and conform to another’s plan, rules, will, or direction.
  • Relationship – The drive to draw close and remain loyal to another person or people—to truly connect and enjoyably engage with them.
  • Conflict Management – The ability to effectively negotiate and resolve disagreements.
  • Critical Thinking – To gather and objectively assess key information as a guide to belief or action. An intellectual process that uses analysis, conceptualization, synthesis, and evaluation.

Customer Service 

  • Supportiveness – The drive to assist, protect and provide for others in emotional or physical need.
  • Service Orientation – The ability to anticipate, identify and meet people’s often unspoken needs through assistance, products or services. The drive to generate customer satisfaction and loyalty.
  • Conflict Management – The ability to effectively negotiate and resolve disagreements.
  • Stress Tolerance – To endure pressure and uncertainty without becoming negative (e.g. hopeless, bitter or hostile) toward self or others.
  • Assertiveness – Global tendencies to express and interact with boldness, enthusiasm and confidence.

Marketing

  • Flamboyance – The drive to impress or excite-to stir others through words or actions.
  • Influential Leadership – The ability to positively persuade others’ choices by focusing on what is important to them and building consensus.
  • Assertiveness – Global tendencies to express and interact with boldness, enthusiasm and confidence.
  • Inspirational Leadership – The ability to uplift, enliven, fill and empower people with a compelling vision.
  • Relationship – The drive to draw close and remain loyal to another person or people—to truly connect and enjoyably engage with them.

Education & Training 

  • Cooperative-Practical – The moderation of reason and feeling resulting in calm, commonsense thinking – upbeat, attentive and realistic.
  • Creativity – The desire to think, do, and express in ways that are different from the norm. This includes personal elaborations or variations on known or existing techniques.
  • Social Awareness – To relate and respond to the feelings, needs and concerns of individuals or broader societal groups. (Includes: Empathy, Organizational Awareness and Service Orientation)
  • Originality – The ability to invent or independently conceive of ideas, methods, or products of the first order (underived), regardless of their usefulness.
  • Perspective – The ability to understand broadly, to coordinate knowledge and experience, and to provide clear-sighted and meaningful counsel to others. An aspect of wisdom.

Business Development

  • Relationship – The drive to draw close and remain loyal to another person or people—to truly connect and enjoyably engage with them.
  • Cooperative-Practical – The moderation of reason and feeling resulting in calm, commonsense thinking – upbeat, attentive and realistic.
  • Enriching Others – Perceiving and reacting to others with acceptance and respect while supporting their development toward full potential.
  • Self Assessment – To engage in self-reflection so as to determine strengths and limitations in one’s values, abilities and resources. 
  • Critical Thinking – To gather and objectively assess key information as a guide to belief or action. An intellectual process that uses analysis, conceptualization, synthesis and evaluation.

Administrative 

  • Service Orientation – The ability to anticipate, identify and meet people’s often unspoken needs through assistance products or services. The drive to generate customer satisfaction and loyalty.
  • Supportiveness – The drive to assist, protect and provide for others in emotional or physical need.
  • Flamboyance – The drive to impress or excite-to stir others through words or actions.
  • Relationship – The drive to draw close and remain loyal to another person or people—to truly connect and enjoyably engage with them.
  • Stress Tolerance – To endure pressure and uncertainty without becoming negative (e.g. hopeless, bitter or hostile) toward self or others.

For more information you can visit https://www.flexjobs.com/blog/post/top-categories-soft-skills-remote-jobs/ and https://www.pairin.com/the-ideal-skills-for-the-top-10-remote-jobs-of-2021/.

—Jennifer Swartvagher

Featured photo: Jonathan Kemper on Unsplash

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With the election (hopefully) behind us, we are returning to the subject of COVID-19 and its consequences for all of us, especially children. We have reflected on the “silver linings” of corona time, the challenges of social distancing, and the stress and anxiety of staying safe. Now, let’s talk about the emotional toll of mask-wearing.

Once my local area reduced its daily infection rate to below 1%, I cautiously returned to doing my own grocery shopping and various other errands in the community. While I was heartened to see total adherence to the medical experts’ recommendation for masking, I felt immediately that without access to facial expressions, some feelings of social isolation continued. I’m happy to report that over time, we have all gotten better at making eye-contact and connecting while wearing a mask.

I was inspired by my granddaughter’s teachers at the Creative Steps Early Childhood Center and their efforts to support young children in staying emotionally connected while wearing masks. In a recent newsletter, they outlined the activities they have designed and implemented to help pre-kindergarten age children read facial cues and body language.

From “emotional charades” to reading books about feelings, the class had an opportunity to discuss and name emotions. They had lots of opportunities to share their experiences with different feelings as well. The children were photographed after choosing – then acting out a sentiment from a “Feeling Jar.” These pics became the basis for a “Mood Wall,” which has remained a popular catalyst for discussion in their classroom.

As parents, grandparents, and caregivers, we can be mindful of the social and emotional challenges that mask-wearing present. Letting kids know that we recognize the difficulties and providing practice with some tools to meet those challenges will go a long way in supporting their social and emotional development and health. We can emphasize that using words and listening to the words of others are an important part of communication. But, there are other ways to communicate as well; paying attention to a person’s eyes, hands, and body language is helpful in providing clues to how they are feeling.

Here are four things that you can do to support the healthy social and emotional development of young children during the pandemic.

  1. Acknowledge that it is hard to express one’s feelings or to understand the feelings of others when we are all wearings masks.

  2. Identify ways to express emotions, such as using words, and using our bodies. Illustrate how gestures, such as making a heart sign, stomping our feet, shaking our arms in a cheer, or other body languages can express a feeling. Point out that even while wearing a mask, our eyes can communicate a smile or other emotions.

  3. Use children’s books to identify and anticipate their feelings. In most stories, there is a point where we can ask children how they think the character is feeling.

  4. Play guessing games while wearing masks, like “Feelings Charades”.

Please let us know how you are you dealing with social and emotional connections while masking, we all have so much to learn from each other.

I am a parent and grandparent with over four decades of experience in early childhood education. I share my passion, wisdom and experience, with parents and the people who care for and about children at Little Folks Big Questions, where we're out to answer the questions parents face in today's world.

In a surprise pairing, Whole Foods Market and Progressive Insurance have teamed up to bring us a new offering this year: the Thanksgiving Turkey Protection Plan. This is the first-ever “insurance” for the main staple of the traditional American Thanksgiving meal.

The duo is here to cover a multitude of issues, from first time fails to undoing all those horrible memories from the past by offering a $35 Whole Foods Market gift card in the event this year’s bird doesn’t quite turn out. And to be honest––doesn’t everyone need a little insurance after everything we’ve endured in 2020?

photo: iStock

To be eligible for the Thanksgiving Turkey Protection Plan, you’ll need to purchase aWhole Foods Market brand turkey between Nov. 11-22. If you end up botching your bird by burning it, over or under cooking it, just visit TurkeyProtectionPlan.com for full details on submitting a claim for a $35 Whole Foods Market gift card. The program is limited to the first 1,000 claims, and starts Nov. 26.

“As we anticipate more smaller Thanksgiving gatherings and first-time cooks tackling turkey preparation this year, the Thanksgiving Turkey Protection Plan allows customers the freedom of culinary exploration, knowing all is not lost should their cooking go astray,” said Theo Weening, Vice President of Meat and Poultry at Whole Foods Market. 

––Karly Wood

 

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Photo: Sonal Patel-Saraiya

There’s a certain lure to self-help books. Especially if you’re anything like me. I’m always on the quest for more knowledge, always the perpetual student. 

I’m always either trying to constantly look for ways to better myself or I’m looking for ways to do things better, faster or quicker—in other words: shortcuts galore!

I am embarrassed to admit this, but I’ve read almost every popular parenting book out there. (Heck, I’ve even co-authored a surviving twins guide.) Even before I was a parent, I read many self-help books on dating, better communication how to improve my career and more.

(Well, by read, I don’t mean that I actually read all of the books from cover-to-cover. I usually skim through them or read only particular chapters of interest or those that I feel will be of benefit me.)

What I’ve come to realize is this: there’s no magic solution to parenting. There’s no hack. 

Parenting is a work in progress. It’s an evolution of ourselves and our children.

Some parenting techniques require both parents (and often grandparents) to consistently apply those techniques for them to be able to work. Some techniques are more rigorous than others. Some are too lax for my parenting st‌yle, some are to rigid. But I like picking up a few key ideas from each book. 

You have to know your own temperament—and your child’s  You have to constantly adjust. Needs change as situations change and as their development changes. Know your child and know yourself so that you can anticipate problems and set boundaries, but adjust them when you need to.

No one tells you how hard parenting is going to be! No single self-help book can help you hack parenting. It’s a work in progress for all of us.

(PS: My current favorite parenting book?  Weird Parenting Wins, by Hillary Frank of the parenting podcast, The Longest Shortest Time.)

Dr. Patel is an allergist in Pasadena California. She is board-certified in Allergy-Clinical Immunology and Pediatrics. She is the co-author of The Mommy MD guides to Twins Triplets and More! She understands that parenting is the hardest and most fulfilling job you can have. You can find her @TMommyMD.

Audible and Sesame Workshop have come together to launch a new Sesame Street podcast. The podcast which is the first of its kind from the children’s show, features new original music, interactive games, jokes, and visits from friends like Elmo, Big Bird, and Cookie Monster. Hosted by new character “Foley,” The Sesame Street Podcast with Foley & Friends debuts exclusively on Audible today.

The Sesame Street Podcast with Foley & Friends
“Sesame Workshop has been one of the most respected names in family entertainment for over 50 years, and we’re honored to bring this unique Sesame Street podcast to listeners,” said Rachel Ghiazza, Executive Vice President, Head of US Content at Audible. “Audible offers immersive audio entertainment for a wide array of listeners, and we’re thrilled to expand our children’s content with this exceptional release. The Sesame Street Podcast with Foley & Friends delivers what parents need most now: educational entertainment that little ones will love, guaranteed.”

Families can join Foley at the Sesame Street Community Center as she and her sidekick Mikee the Microphone tell jokes, sing songs, and host familiar guests from the neighborhood. Each 15-minute episode will revolve around a different preschool-friendly topic, from vehicles to birthdays to learning the alphabet. Young listeners will love the energetic Foley, who has a special knack for making silly sound effects, and they’ll anticipate recurring moments such as “Elmo’s Joke of the Day,” a podcast game show, original songs, and beloved songs like “The Letter of the Day.”

“As families’ media habits evolve, Sesame Workshop is ready to meet them wherever they are with engaging content that sparks playful learning. Together with Audible, we’re creating a rich audio-only world that will come to life in kids’ imaginations,” said Scott Chambers, Sesame Workshop’s Senior Vice President/General Manager, Educational Media and Licensing, North America. “We can’t wait for our friends at home to explore the sounds of Sesame Street in a whole new way. Welcome to the neighborhood, Foley!”

The Sesame Street Podcast with Foley & Friends will include 15 episodes. The podcast premieres in the Audible Plus catalog. Following today’s release, new episodes of the podcast will be released each Tuesday and Thursday starting on Oct. 20.

—Jennifer Swartvagher

Featured photo: Sesame Workshop

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“If I do it, can I play Xbox after?”

“Is everyone doing it?”

“Can you just do it since you’re better at it?”

So would begin the litany of questions when I assigned my sons even the most basic weekend chores. Whether charged with watering, dusting, or raking, the boys inevitably would whine, slump their shoulders and feign sudden, fretful bewilderment. “How do I know which plants need water?”  “What’s a Swiffer?” “We have a shed?”

Truthfully, my children were not sparing me much labor by pitching in. I cannot count how many times I would stop what I was doing to liberate an area rug being swallowed by a vacuum or to rescue a vase perched a micrometer from a mantel’s edge. Still, I soldiered on, determined to instill in my kids a strong work ethic and a sense of responsibility. Each weekly outburst, though, stoked simmering doubts that my mission was succeeding.

Then one dreamlike Friday the tables turned.

My seven-year-old announced that he would need to finish his science fair project over the weekend. With a toothy smile, he turned from my husband to me and with complete sincerity asked, “Who wants to help me?” I waited for him to appreciate the irony.

Though that night did not afford our family any lessons on paradoxes, it did produce our new favorite tool for a stress-free weekend: The “Help Wanted Bulletin Board.” Our family has found this device to be most valuable when used in the following way.

  1. The “Help Wanted Bulletin Board” is literally a bulletin board that hangs next to our refrigerator, the most visited spot in the house.
  2. Throughout the week, each member of the family takes a piece of paper, jots down a chore they anticipate may require assistance and pins it to the board. Each person posts two jobs in total.
  3. The activities must be reasonable in scope. Our family defines “reasonable” as any task that can be performed by any family member in one hour. Jobs have included cleaning out the toy chests, skimming the pool, practicing math facts, and weeding the back yard.
  4. All requests should be posted by Friday night.
  5. Although everyone peruses the job postings throughout the week, no one commits to any until Saturday morning. At that time, each member of the family signs their name onto two posted job requests. I have found that my boys have a greater sense of control and approach their responsibilities more eagerly when they can select their jobs. To that end, the adults choose last so that the kids have more tasks from which to pick.
  6. All jobs must be completed by early Sunday evening. The job solicitor and the job assistant decide together when they will work to complete the assignment.
  7. When a job is done, the posting is crossed out. I am still amused by how triumphant the boys look when they do this, but I also understand that the “x” is tangible proof of their success and a validation of their work.
  8. Finally, right before bedtime on Sunday night, we gather at the bulletin board and review what our family accomplished. Each job solicitor thanks his or her assistant, and it is impressive how much goodwill is fostered before our children retire for the evening.

Ending the weekend on a harmonious note is but one benefit of this approach to chores. Others have followed. With the board sitting in plain view every day, my sons understand that the weekend will bring housework. This visual reminder allows the boys to prepare mentally for chores. By eliminating any surprises, the board has reduced much of the whining in our house.

Though household duties are still inevitable, they no longer feel arbitrary. The board lets my children consider how they will contribute in the days ahead. They have developed a sense of ownership by having a say in what they do, and this autonomy has fostered pride in their work.

Each family member appreciates the support they receive while simultaneously feeling good about helping someone. There now exists a feeling of our family operating as a team. We enter the weekend knowing that someone has already offered to help us. What’s more, no one is shunted off to a corner of the house to work alone, as sometimes would happen before we used the board. Instead, each of us enjoys companionship while we work. More than once my kids have spontaneously offered up stories about what is happening at school while occupied with sweeping or washing dishes beside me. For me, these unprompted talks are the happiest consequence of the way we handle housework now.

My kids now take time to discern which of their own tasks they can do by themselves and which are best suited to a team effort. Subsequently, they have become more transparent about which responsibilities they find difficult and which they just do not want to do.

Finally, the “Help Wanted Bulletin Board” reinforces the notion that everyone needs help. Often children are told at school or at home that asking for help is not a flaw, but an asset exhibited by strong leaders. The “Help Wanted Bulletin Board” reinforces this sometimes-challenging idea. Each day it literally shows my boys that even the “oldest and wisest” can seek support and even the smallest and youngest can provide it.  

 

This post originally appeared on Scary Mommy.

I spent many joyful years in education, but I made the difficult choice to leave the classroom to focus on my children and my writing. I recently published a short children’s book, Many Miles to Walk, an extended conceit written for my younger son to explain his birth via surrogate

More and more companies are committed to supporting their employees in working from home due to the pandemic and stay at home orders. This comes as a relief to parents with small children at home but it also brings new challenges to the workday. HeyMama and InHerSight conducted a study of 1,000 moms to discover the policies, resources, and support working mothers need from their employers, coworkers, and partners during the COVID-19 crisis as work from home policies continue. 

woman on laptop

Women are finding themselves working more, feeling less productive and are less satisfied with their jobs. While past studies have shown that remote employees are more productive than those who work in the office, it did not account for mothers homeschooling their children while keeping up with deadlines and other duties. 

The typical rules and results of working from home do not apply under these circumstances, so it is important for employers to consider how the pandemic is affecting their employees and reassess the expectations they have. 

The survey found that almost three in five working moms say they are less productive while working from home during COVID-19, yet two in five say they are doing more work. Additionally, nearly half of women who took our survey say they’re less satisfied with their jobs since working from home and taking care of children at the same time.

There is no denying that taking care of your children, along with having to educate and entertain them, is a full time job. Pair that with working from home and both will suffer. Moms working from home need more flexibility in both work hours and deadlines. 

“Flexibility has always been really important to women in general and moms specifically, as they try to balance work and life and make the best decisions for their families,” Ursula Mead, CEO and cofounder of InHerSight, says. “Throw in a pandemic and a lot of our day-to-day needs from regular, non-stressful times become that much more acute and critical.”According to our survey-takers, flexible work hours due to other demands on time and extended/flexible deadlines are the top two considerations they need from their employers.

If quarantine and social restrictions continue for the foreseeable future, working moms say flexible work hours are still a priority followed by paid time off and extended/flexible deadlines for work. 

“Flexibility can take a lot of different forms. It can be flexible work hours, deadlines, projects/assignments, or ways to use benefits and capital, and understanding the type of flexibility moms need as they work from home and during the pandemic,” Mead says.“Remember too that identifying your employees’ needs and supporting them is good for your business and your team’s morale and  productivity.”

Working moms also need their coworkers to understand that they have a lot on their plates right now. 

“While the current pandemic has been difficult for everyone, and people who cannot or choose not to have children are facing a slew of challenges, parents—seemingly overnight—became de facto teachers, helping their children navigate e-learning while simultaneously working, caring for any young children they may have, and taking care of their homes,” Katya Libin, CEO and cofounder of HeyMama, says. “Fifty-seven percent of mothers say COVID-19 has negatively impacted their mental health. While most parents cannot understand what it must be like to spend months on end devoid of any human contact—a reality for many single people who’ve been sheltering in place—those without children cannot fully understand what it’s like to lack any personal space or even a moment of solitude during lockdown, either.”

Mothers who are also business owners need their employees to anticipate needs and be proactive in helping out in order to keep the business up and running. 

“This is a large ask, especially if their employees are, like these business owners, parents,” Libin says. “Prior to COVID-19, 70 percent of mothers with children under 18 did paid work, and moms made up 47 percent of the workforce. In a country that has failed to provide mandatory paid leave, affordable health care, and ensure equal pay for equal work, asking employees to anticipate and preemptively react to the needs of their employer feels like a large request. But this need also speaks to the ways in which mothers who own businesses are not adequately supported. While it would undoubtedly be beneficial for these business owners to have employees who can read their minds, what entrepreneurial moms really need are systemic support systems at the local, state, and federal level. And, of course, another crucial part of any mom’s support system is her network of other moms—her community. Having access to other women in similar situations and stages of both life and career to lean on and turn to for advice cannot be underestimated.”

In general, women take on the bulk of child care duties. This is true even in households where both partners do paid work. 23 percent of working mothers want more help from their partners regarding child care. 

Mead says that for some women, this experience could be a wake-up call, “If they had an inkling that the distribution of work was ‘off’ or uneven in some way, working from home while juggling caring for the kids is likely going to be a reality check as women come to terms with the hard truth that the distribution of work at home is still far from equal.”

“[The balance of unpaid work] hasn’t changed in so many decades…or centuries even,” Mead says. “I think women don’t know how to make it change. The resources out there to get from the current distribution of work to a better place just don’t exist or aren’t meeting women and their partners where it’s helpful.”

Every working mother has different needs. The best way to know what types of support you can offer is by  asking and listening.

—Jennifer Swartvagher

Featured photo: JESHOOTS.COM on Unsplash

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