The birthday invite didn’t come. They didn’t get the part in the school play. Their best friend moved away. Sound familiar? As parents, we have the (unpleasant) task of watching our kids learn the same life lessons we did in our childhoods. It can be hard to resist the urge to make sure they never have to experience the frustration or sadness that comes with not getting what they want, but disappointment is a healthy emotion for kids and can contribute to their social and intellectual development, as noted in Psychology Today. The caveat? It only works if kids understand that being disappointed at times will help them achieve their goals in life. And that’s where we come in.
Even if they do understand (or at least try to), that doesn’t mean it feels good or comes easy. That’s why we’ve enlisted a few experts to offer tips for parents when it comes to helping kids learn how to deal with disappointment.
1. Empathize with Their Feelings
Licensed professional clinical counselor Melissa Marote says that, first and foremost, it’s essential to validate your kids’ feelings; really empathize with what they’re going through. Listen to their feelings and respond with things like, “This must be frustrating.” You should avoid compounding the negativity, however. As you discuss the things your kids are missing out on, Marote explains, try to put a positive spin on it. For example, encourage your kids to save up their excitement for all the things they will eventually get to do in the future.
2. Give Them Reassurance
Child development expert and creator of The Moodsters Denise Daniels, RN, MS, tells us that it’s important to remind kids that this is only temporary—the playdate will happen when it isn’t raining, and they’ll have the opportunity to try out for the team next season. It might be hard for young kids to picture life beyond the current day or week, but still, Daniels suggests having kids make a list of things they want to do in the future because there will always be another opportunity to try.
3. Teach Self-Calming Skills
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Emotions can run high when kids are anxious and sad. Teaching kids how to calm down and manage their feelings is an essential tool for how to deal with anxiety. Marote suggests giving kids a breathing technique to oxygenate the brain and help kids think more clearly. Show your kids how to take a deep breath in and then blow out, like they’re blowing out birthday candles or making bubbles. For younger kids, blowing real bubbles is another excellent method, Marote says.
One more tip for the little kids: talking to a stuffed animal. Kids are so close and connected to their stuffed animals, which makes them a great comfort for kids who are dealing with hard feelings. Tell your kids, “Talk to your teddy bear about how sad you are,” Marote says.
4. Give Them a Choice
So, a trip to the indoor playground or a group trip with friends to a nearby amusement park is out. Naturally, your kids will be disappointed, but you can give them some power (especially when they’re smaller and they feel like they have none) by offering them a choice. “Our plans have changed, and your outing with friends has to be postponed. What if you pick the movie for family movie night and we’ll look for another day that works for the group?”
5. Redirect Focus
For kids that become very hyper-focused on negative feelings, it can be helpful to use distraction techniques when learning how to deal with disappointment, Marote says. Suggest an impromptu game of “I, Spy” or get creative by asking kids to draw a picture about how they’re feeling. Other ideas include reading a funny book or watching a silly video, asking them trivia questions, and telling them jokes. This is especially important when it’s close to bedtime and you’re trying to keep things positive before sleep.
6. Don’t Fix It
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This is a hard one. Whether you want to make your kids feel better or you figure you can just take care of it (fix the toy, help find the sock, bring the forgotten homework to school), it’s more effective to act as a guide when kids are learning how to deal with disappointment, according to PBS. Ask questions that will help them troubleshoot what happened and how they feel about the problem. “How did you feel when that happened? What do you wish had happened instead? How can we turn this into something good?
7. Stick with Your Normal Routine
In times of stress, encourage kids to keep regular times of going to bed, eating meals, and doing homework, Daniels says. Having a basic plan for the day is essential because kids thrive on predictability. When something doesn’t work out, at least they’ll know what should happen down the line.
8. Find Time to Have Special Moments
If your kids are bummed because they can’t attend their friend’s birthday or their favorite ice cream flavor isn’t available or they missed the final shot on goal, take the opportunity to plan something else fun. This doesn’t mean you have to take them to the amusement park or invest tons of money; just spend quality time together and you’ll see their moods lift.
9. Don’t Underestimate the Power of Hugs
Close contact, like hugs, can go a long way to providing kids with comfort when they’re learning how to deal with disappointment. That way, they’ll know you might not fix the problem, but you’ll always be there to offer comfort. Marote also suggests encouraging younger kids to hug their stuffies when they’re feeling sad or anxious. If you’re dealing with disappointed tweens or teens, look for signs that they’re ready for a hug or having you in their personal space. If it doesn’t happen, remember that being nearby and ready to listen is just as important.
Your child says, “I’m hungry,” and you grab them a snack. They say “I’m bored,” and you find a way to entertain them. But when should the butler treatment end? When is it time to teach your child how to be self-sufficient and let them do things for themselves?
Believe it or not—now is as good a time as any! Your two-year-old can help you do the laundry; your 6-year-old can brush her teeth; and your 10-year-old can hang out alone at home while you walk the dog. And, no matter how desperately they cry, “Watch me!” young kids don’t always need you right there next to them (being just nearby is just fine).
“What you’re really trying to do is get the child to learn how to make decisions and take control over the things they can have control over,” said Dr. Michael Ungar, director of the Resilience Research Center and the author of We Generation: Raising Socially Responsible Kids. “What you really want is a child who can make a contribution to their family, who can navigate their community, who can problem solve.”
We created an age-by-age guide that ranges from letting your toddler help with household chores to giving your tween tech time to help you figure out the right time to give your kids that much-needed independence. Here’s what the experts say.
Things Kids Can Do: Ages 0 to 2
Don’t worry: You won’t need to start nudging your one-year-old out of the nest. According to Los Angeles child psychiatrist Patrick Kelly, it’s the opposite: the stronger the attachment between parents and their babies, the more comfortable those kids will be doing things independently as they grow. That said, there are a few “big kid” things your tiny tot can start learning at this age:
Feeding and Dressing Themselves – According to Los Angeles pediatrician Amin Davari, simple things like allowing older infants to feed themselves age-appropriate foods and letting young children dress themselves give kids “minor struggles and successes” that help them learn how to be self-sufficient and build skills and confidence.
Swim Lessons – The AAP recently changed its guidelines to say that kids should start swimming lessons at age one. Although swim lessons will never make a child “drown proof,” lessons between the ages of one to four years have been shown to reduce drowning risk, according to the AAP.
Sign Language – Just because your baby can’t talk doesn’t mean she’s not trying to tell you something. Advocates say teaching babies and toddlers basic signs (things like “eat,” “more” and “milk”) can increase confidence in both the kids and their caregivers, helping little ones who can’t yet speak get their needs met. Taking a class can mean a fun social outing for Mom or Dad—though you can also learn from home.
Things Kids Can Do: Ages 2 to 4
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At this age, kids are ready—and willing!—to take on some responsibility around the house. You’ll know the time is right when you see them start pretending to do grown-up things, like playing “family” or play-driving the car when they’re in the push car. Take advantage of this need now by giving them:
Simple Household Chores – Give them a broom or a dustpan, and let them help you sweep the kitchen floor. You’d be surprised how willingly kids this age will want to help you clean. If you’re lucky, the habit will continue into their later years. Other simple household chores suitable for two-to three-year-olds, according to The Montessori Notebook are:
Help pack their backpack
Brushing/feeding the dog (just let it go when they make a mess!)
Helping make the bed (at four, kids should be able to at least pull up a duvet by themselves)
Placing clothing in the laundry and pushing the buttons you point to
Solo Playtime – As long as you’ve created a safe space to play, at this age most kids are generally past the swallowing-small-objects phase and can happily play by themselves for 30 to 45 minutes at a time. If your child is reluctant to play alone, just agree to be nearby, but set up toys with which they can play solo.
“Reading” Time – Your child doesn’t need to know how to read to get lost in a world of books. Give kids a stack of picture books and let them have at it. If they want to hear stories read out loud—but you still want them to be on their own—we love the Yoto player, a simple speaker designed for kids ages three and up that allows kids to insert small cards to read popular stories aloud.
Pick What they Wear – Something as simple as choosing their clothes can make a child feel incredibly independent, says Dr. Ungar. “Three-year-olds can’t negotiate their bedtimes, but they can decide to wear green pajamas or blue pajamas. The trick seems to be to find these ways that the child can make a genuine contribution.”
Use a Balance Bike – Kids may not be ready for a two-wheeler at age two… but a balance bike is an easy go-to! “Once a child can confidently walk around the house, they can start walking with a balance bike between their legs,” says Schwinn spokesperson Ryan Berkicht. “This could be as soon as 18 months old for some kids.”
Things Kids Can Do: Ages 4 to 6
Gross motor skills are advancing quickly at this age, too, so your kids should be ready for fun things like climbing on a play structure (without you constantly spotting), and using the “big kid swing” all by themselves. And while these may seem like ordinary childhood milestones, all of these accomplishments help them learn how to be self-sufficient and instill huge amounts of confidence. So cheer your kids on as they:
Brush Their Teeth: While most dentists advise that you keep assisting with their pearly whites until age 7, your kids should know how to brush their teeth all on their teeth by age 5 or 6—with you nearby to make sure there’s actual brushing going on (as opposed to just holding the electric toothbrush in their mouths while the motor revs). A good compromise is to let your kids do the morning brush and you can brush their teeth in the evening.
Use a Microwave with Supervision – Not only does using the microwave buttons help reinforce number recognition, but it also makes kids feel like real big kids. Teach your kids what can and can’t go in the microwave, and let them push the buttons and press “start” all on their own.
Ride a Two-Wheeler – Sure, some kids are ready for a two-wheeler at three years old—and some five-year-olds want nothing to do with a bike—but experts say age 5 or 6 is a good target age for getting a kid on her first two-wheeler. If they’ve been riding a balance bike or a bike with training wheels, they should be able to transition easily.
Have Drop-Off Play Dates – According to the AAP, kids around ages 5 and 6 are developmentally ready to be dropped off for play dates. Got a child who’s nervous about it? It might help to have the playdates at your house, where you can step away—but not out.
Day Camp – Since this is the age when kids start preschool or kindergarten, they’re also usually ready for day camp at this age, too. If your kids don’t seem uber-enthusiastic about camp, try to keep the camp schedule similar to their school schedule (if your child attends a half-day school, for instance, start with a half-day camp).
Things Kids Can Do: Ages 6 to 8
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By this age, kids have started kindergarten and are usually happy to do anything that makes them feel grown-up and competent. So watch them closely for opportunities to teach them how to be self-sufficient—while also keeping them safe (for instance, let them ride a bike up and down your street, but make them wear a helmet). Here are some things kids are ready to do by this age:
Use a peeler to peel raw potatoes, ginger, mangoes, and other washed fruits and vegetables
Break eggs into a bowl (and remember to wash hands afterward)
Scoop out avocados after being sliced in half by an adult
Snap green beans
Shuck corn and rinse before cooking
Rinse and cut parsley or green onions with clean, blunt kitchen scissors
Take a Bath By Themselves – According to this article in the National Library of Medicine, most children can take a bath by themselves (i.e., without you sitting by the tub) by age 6. We recommend parents still stay within earshot and keep baths short enough that kids don’t get tired or rowdy in the bathtub by themselves.
Tie Their Shoes (with you supervising) – By age 6 or 7, most kids have the fine motor skills to attempt this surprisingly complex set of movements, according to Carolina Therapy Connection. You’ll know your child is ready to tie their shoes when they’re able to easily cut paper with scissors, string beads, or button and unbutton buttons.
Use a Computer to Browse the Internet – Experts recommend supervising children’s internet use at this age: If you’re not able to be there watching, you can use a filtering device like the Circle, which lets you dictate what apps and websites kids can and can’t visit online (as well as setting up bedtimes and screen time limits); or try a web filtering program like Microsoft Edge Kids Mode, which keeps your kids from seeing anything inappropriate online and lets you customize their web experience (it also prevents them from exiting the kid-safe browser to explore other apps on the computer).
Things Kids Can Do: Ages 8 to 10
Older kids are ready for adventure! Now’s the time to loosen the reins and let them chart their course a little bit. By this age, your child might be ready to:
Have a Sleepover – Around this age, they may be ready—as long as they can sleep through the night, no problem. That said, before you send your kids to another person’s home for the night, they must understand body boundaries and inappropriate touching. “I do think it’s a great time to start teaching kids about appropriate touches and that we’re the boss of our bodies and we’re the boss of our private parts,” writes child abuse prevention expert Pattie Fitzgerald. She also urged parents to talk to the host parents so they’ll know exactly who will be supervising and whether there will be older kids (such as teenage-aged siblings) or extended family in the home. The answer to these questions may well alter your decision to say “yes,” as parents should have a strong baseline of trust with the hosts.
Note: Some experts believe children (and their parents!) aren’t ready for sleepovers until the age of 10 and up.
Go to Overnight Camp – As long as your child can shower, doesn’t wet the bed, and has shown no problems spending the night at friends’ or relatives’ homes, they’re probably ready for sleepaway camp. While many overnight camps offer programs for kids as young as six or seven, the American Camp Association gives age nine as the target age for kids to start the summer camp journey. Some camps offer one-week “starter” programs for reluctant or nervous campers.
Walk to School by Themselves(Under Certain Conditions) – The AAP says elementary school-aged kids can walk to school by themselves, provided the walk is short, the neighborhood is safe, and there are school crossing guards stationed at any intersections. If there are non-guarded streets or you live in a city, waiting until age 12 is better.
Things Kids Can Do: Ages 10 and Up
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Tweens are all about breaking free and taking risks. Your job is to let them experiment with autonomy while still making sure they’ve got set limits to keep them safe. By age 10, kids can:
Be Left At Home for a Short Time – The laws vary on this, with some states like Oregon and Tennessee giving home-alone privileges to 10-year-olds and states like Colorado and Delaware saying 12 is a better age to start this. This Washington Post article gives state-by-state guidelines on the regulations, but it’s a good idea to check with your state’s Family or Child Services Department to be sure.
In any case, before you leave your kids home alone—even for a short time—it’s important that they know what to do in case of emergency and what your expectations are should unexpected things happen (like someone knocking on the door or a friend stopping by unannounced). The Department of Health and Human Services recommends that parents ask themselves these questions before leaving kids alone:
Is your child physically and mentally able to care for him or herself?
Does your child obey rules and make good decisions?
How does your child respond to unfamiliar or stressful situations?
Does your child feel comfortable or fearful about being home alone?
If you’re leaving for more than an hour, it’s best to wait to take your children. And experts say it’s not a good idea to let kids this age babysit younger children while no parents are home.
For more advice and tips, see this handout from the DHH.
Ride a Bike to School – It’s hard to find any specific laws about kids riding bikes to school, but the American Academy of Pediatrics says that by late elementary school, most kids can safely do this, provided the route is short and the roads safe. Before your child starts riding to school, make sure you practice the route with them (several times!) and go over what to do if unexpected things arise, such as a fall or a flat tire. If it makes you feel better, have your child wear a GPS watch or other tracking device to alert you when she gets to school safely.
Of course, you should always make sure your kids wear a good-fitting helmet and try to enlist a friend to ride along, to ensure both kids get there safely.
This is it. The bridge to the young adult years. Kids in this final stretch to the teens are longing to break free, so the trick is to let them feel independent and learn how to be self-sufficient while encouraging them to make responsible choices. Here are some things they’re ready to do now:
Have Their Own Cell Phone – While many argue that cell phones should wait until high school, middle schoolers can have a phone, provided it is monitored and filtered by the parents. Before you give your child a phone, have them sign a technology agreement that lays out the rules—for instance, no cell phones should be allowed in your child’s room overnight, and your child should know that you will read and monitor her messages. To keep your kids off inappropriate or dangerous apps and sites, use apps and programs like Screentime (for iPhones), Circle, or Securly.
Babysit Younger Children – There are no real legal restrictions for babysitting (except in states that have laws on when kids can be left alone), but the Red Cross doesn’t allow kids to take its babysitting course until age 11. By 12, kids should be able to babysit with a grown-up present in the house (or for short times when a grown-up leaves the house); by 14, they can usually babysit younger children on their own. When it comes to an older sibling watching the younger kids in the house, parents need to ask themselves whether their oldest is mature enough and responsible enough to handle the task. If there are any doubts, skip it.
Be Dropped Off in a Public Place with Friends – As long as your child agrees to stay with the group and you’ve talked about uncomfortable situations (if a stranger talks to them or if other kids are experimenting with drugs or alcohol), most experts agree that by middle school—or around age 13—kids can be dropped off at public place (like a movie theater or mall) for a few hours as long as they are in a group and you are leaving them in a safe location. This depends, of course, on your child’s level of maturity, your city’s crime rate, and whether you trust them to make good decisions.
Note: Check with your state laws before letting your teen go to certain places solo: Some states, such as Minnesota and Delaware, do not permit children under 16 to be in certain malls without adult supervision, according to this article.
When it comes to clothes, your kid is all about perfecting “the look.” And nowadays, having sensory processing disorder or other disabilities doesn’t have to hold your fashion-forward kiddo back; plenty of companies out there offer on-trend adaptive clothing for kids. From compression shirts to sensory-friendly pants, these inclusive clothing lines have something for kids of all abilities.
French Toast is the destination for all things school uniforms, and that includes every kiddo. Their adaptive line includes polos, dresses, hoodies, and more, all with the same color and style options of their other offerings. You’ll be set for the school year with a French Toast haul.
Sense-ational You goes beyond just sensory friendly options to offer styles with built-in sensory tools that help neurodivergent kids regulate all day. From hidden adjustable compression to sound reducing hoods to built-in fidgets and more, their goal is to make unique sensory garments that make sure kids have what they need no matter where they are.
This line of adaptive pieces offers collections for both kiddos and adults. Their goal? Creating practical, helpful, and easy clothing that doesn’t sacrifice fashion. There are options for stoma, feeding tubes, diabetes care, wheelchair users, amputees, surgical recovery, and to manage cancer treatments. Kids’ sizes range from preemie to kids 18.
This inclusive line of kids’ clothing from JCPenney has something for every shape, size, style, and ability. Sizes range from 2T-22, has plenty of gender-neutral options, and has adaptive features like sensory-friendly seaming, hook and loop closures, hidden abdominal openings, magnetic zippers, and no tags.
befree, the company behind zipOns, the adaptive pants for kids and adults, was created when a mother, whose daughter has cerebral palsy, couldn’t find pants to accommodate her daughter’s recovery from surgery. The pants have zippers up the side of each leg, making it easy to accommodate medical gear, and they help make it easy for kids to get dressed quickly. They are offered in black, charcoal, or navy, with different zipper colors to choose from. They’re comfy pants with a drawstring waist and can be put on or taken off standing up or sitting down. Plus, the zippers are covered inside the pants, meaning kids don’t have to worry about contact with their skin.
Kohl’s sensory-friendly and adaptive clothing for kids include special features like flat seams, longer lengths, abdominal access, and two-way zippers (to name a few), indistinguishable from the rest of the brand. With faves like Nike, Land’s End, Tak Gear, and more, there’s something for every kiddo.
Universally designed Billy Footwear is a blend of function and fashion, so everyone can rock cool kicks, no matter who they are. What makes them so accessible to everyone is their design—a simple full zipper that runs from toe to top so they open completely, making it easy for feet to just slip right in. An easy zipper tug closes them snugly around the wearer’s feet. And the funky patterns and shimmery metallics give them total kid appeal.
Consider Patti + Ricky your one-stop shop for every disability-friendly clothing option under the sun. Founder Alexandra Connell has curated collections for people of all abilities. Looking for magnetic shirts? They’ve got them. How about Velcro belts? Those too. And our favorite, Chewelry (yep, it’s exactly what it sounds like), is a must-have for kids with sensory sensitivities who like to fidget or chew. They even have Braille shirts by Braille’iant that allow you to customize a name or saying in Braille right onto the shirt.
Kids who dig weight or pressure to help alleviate anxiety or mitigate responses related to ADHD, Autism, or SPD can find everything they need to dress for success at Kozie Clothes. From compression clothing (think: long, short, and double-layered tees and pants, too) to weighted vests and special swimwear, Kozie offers the building blocks of a functional wardrobe. And the removable tags, elastic bands, and multi-use pockets are a bonus.
Extra credit: If their weighted and compression clothes are a hit, check out the weighted blanket, too.
Imagine a world where spills don’t stay on that school shirt. Yup, The Good Day Lab has a line of comfortable 100% cotton t-shirts that have an added clean shield technology that repels liquids. Soft, breathable, and offered in eight colors, kids struggling with anxiety won’t have to worry about staining their clothes. Our editor’s kids tried these shirts, and we can say they live up to expectations.
While this line isn’t technically considered to be adaptive, Mightly has tagless, itch-free labels, covered elastic waistbands, and flat seams, which are perfect features for a kiddo who feels everything. With adorable graphic tees, leggings, dresses, shorts, and even underwear, you’ll be able to find plenty to outfit your child this fall.
Quality and function are what Lands’ End bring to their Universal Collection. And easy dressing—for everyone—has driven their designs. Offering a full line of school uniform pieces that replace buttons and zippers with magnets, and including magnetic openings to accommodate leg foot braces, they’ve thought of pretty much everything. No more morning hassle as you rush the kids out the door because they can throw on these school uniforms with ease and independence.
Extra credit: Sensory-friendly tags are part of the whole package here, too.
From the moment Target debuted its Cat & Jack Adaptive clothing line, it has been a go-to for affordable clothing options for kids with disabilities. And it runs the gamut. From wheelchair-friendly options to clothes that offer abdominal access to tagless and seamless clothing for kids with sensory issues—you can find it all here. The best part? Their adaptive line has the same playful graphics and colorful patterns found on all their clothing. Plus, with most items topping out under $15, it’s easy on the wallet.
Whether your kiddo needs mobility or motor skill support, putting on socks can be challenging. But the reinforced loops on Ez Socks make it…well, e-z-er. This simple redesign is helping lots of kids gain independence in every aspect of getting ready for school in the morning. And the sock patterns are all super cute.
It’s a kid’s dream to live in “soft pants” at all times (who are we kidding, it’s our dream, too!). Lander has breathable, double-knit cotton clothes free of zippers, seams, or tags. You can wear them four ways: inside out, outside in, and with the front/back swapped. Brilliant!
Little Green Radicals Adaptive Line is created with input from parents of children with disabilities who wanted comfy, adaptive clothing that’s also bright, beautiful, functional, and organic. Whimsical prints and cheerful colors make this mix-and-match line a winner for sure. Make sure to check out their sizing guide here.
All the products listed are independently & personally selected by our shopping editors.
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Ahh, new motherhood. You go from dreaming of the day your baby will arrive to holding that tiny, wriggling bundle in your arms and thinking, “What the heck do I do now?” Hang tight! We’re here to help. We asked experienced moms to tell us one thing they wish they’d known when they first became parents, and they really delivered—from wisdom on sleep to life-changing self-care tips, and getting perspective on those intense early days. But the one thing they all agreed on is the most important of all: that you’re doing an amazing job.
Adjusting to Mom Life
“In the beginning, I wish I knew how to roll with it, not get frustrated, and that I would need lots of patience…. I was used to being in control and having some order to my life. My kids came into the picture and all of that was thrown out the window! Now they’ve broken me in and I roll with everything, but I remember that part being really hard for me.” — Kathy
“If I had a dime for every time I did something that I said I would never do when I was a know-it-all childless woman, I’d be rich.” — Jessie
“Do NOT let all the do’s & don’ts of parenting discourage you. As long as you keep your baby safe, healthy, and nurtured… you are doing a beautiful job. DON’T compare yourself to other moms! It’s not healthy!” — Ruthie
“I wish I had spent my time reading about postpartum rather than pregnancy books. During pregnancy, you have a doctor guiding you. But postpartum, you pretty much are on your own, and getting a counselor does not mean you are a bad parent.” — Reyna
“The most profound thing I heard and will never forget… Your baby was attached to you for 9 months. For the first 6 months of their life, they don’t actually realize they are still not a part of you! Love on that baby like they are still attached to you.” — Tara
“You will be a crazy emotional wreck (and a total a-hole at times) for the first ~6 months, but that’s okay because you just created another human being in your body.” — Sanaz
Getting Through Those Tough Moments
“I wish I had known that sometimes babies cry for no reason. They are not broken, and you didn’t do anything wrong. It will eventually get better; just breathe and try to comfort your new human!” — Melissa
“Take each stage as a stage. If things are really hard, just breathe. Your baby will hit a new milestone in a few weeks and things will change. The first year is like a book with all these mini-chapters, and you’ll be on to the next one before you realize it.” — Erin
“He isn’t GIVING you a hard time; he’s HAVING a hard time. (The wisest words I ever received from my mother-in-law.) It has helped me every single day of motherhood to keep their needs and moods in perspective.” — Elizabeth
“There are no mistakes, you learn as you go, and trust that you and your baby will figure it out and grow together. I thought I was so prepared with the books, asking mommy friends and relatives, and at the end of it, I just threw that all out and took those deep breaths and went with it.” — Sheilah
“It’s okay to breastfeed and be comfortable enough to do so in public. Took until my third child to be able to do so and have no shame or embarrassment.” — Brittany
“Breastfeeding hurts in the beginning, and that’s normal. Imagine washing your calloused hands 30 minutes straight every 2 hours—they’d crack and bleed too! Your nipples are nowhere near as calloused as your hands, so be patient with yourself and baby because it’s a learning process.” — Jeni
“Don’t be discouraged or beat yourself up if your milk supply doesn’t come in like you want or expected. Or if your baby simply isn’t interested. Just keep trying and don’t give up… if that’s what you choose. And if it’s just not working for you and/or baby, then allow yourself to bottle-feed without the guilt!” — Jamie
Sleep: That Thing You Used to Do Whenever You Wanted
“Not all babies are wired to sleep through the night. I don’t sleep through the night, and neither does my kid. Professionals actually consider sleeping through the night to be 5 hours, not 8 or 12.” — Erin
“You will hear, ‘Sleep when the baby does,’ but for some of us, that is impossible. Ask for help and have a trusted hero [to] give you a few hours of sleep!” — Lauren
“You never know what you’re going to get. Try and rest as much as possible but don’t stress if you can’t. There is always the chance you get a sleep-through-the-night-early baby.” — Sarah
“Your body will change. Some of those changes are permanent, some are fleeting, some of them hurt, some will take you months to notice. Embracing the changes—good and bad—is the best way to get through them. (I named my hemorrhoids…it felt better than crying every day… just saying.) And at the end of it all, you will be stronger than you ever knew possible. — Paige
“The hair loss! Not once during or after my pregnancy did anyone talk about the possible postpartum hair loss. I thought I was losing all of my hair.” — Madison
“I wish I had known that I would pee a little every time I sneezed for the rest of my life.” — Katie
“It is okay to let baby cry for a couple minutes. It’s okay to shower and leave them in the crib even if they are crying (if they are crying, they are ALIVE!). And it’s okay to go out and leave baby home with dad. (All learned the hard way.)” — Bella
“Postpartum anxiety is real! Get help and don’t be ashamed. Sometimes, you can’t help how you think and feel. You’re not alone.” — Marisol
“Don’t underestimate the power of support. If you don’t have that built-in (family, friends), hire someone whose main focus is to support you.” — Jacquie
“Remember: Under 2 years, playdates aren’t for them, they’re for you.” — Liz
“YOUR health is still most important. Take care of your needs too.” — Morgan
“Have a good friend who you can call and cry about your actual life, but who you can call too and talk about how amazing your baby’s development is, and how proud you are.” — Tania
“Learn to program your coffeemaker. Such a great self-care thing to do at the end of the day to have something nice in the morning!” — Rachel
Leave The House During Those Early Days (Yes, Really!)
“Go out to dinners with your significant other/spouse and baby while they’re not mobile and sleep a lot. It feels daunting to go out in public with a newborn, but that’s when they’re the easiest! And you and your partner can keep the connection going!” — Haruko
“They’re easier when they don’t move. Like, a ton easier. You won’t realize how easy they were until they’re 2 and 3 and you’re pregnant again realizing you feel going to Disneyland seems so doable with a baby that doesn’t move. Life with a newborn seems so simple in retrospect.” — Jeni
What to Buy & What Not to Buy
“Get a simple high chair with no little nooks and crannies — like the IKEA high chair. It is so hard to clean the fancy five-position chairs.” — Sasha
“Don’t buy pajamas with buttons. They are a nightmare! Zippers will make life easier, especially for those diaper changes in the middle of the night.” — Carolyn
“Put Tucks or witch hazel pads in the fridge or freezer. All of your angry parts will thank you.” — Lesley
How Fast It Goes…
“Now that mine is 25 and my grandbaby is 4, the one thing I miss most is the sweet innocence when they are so small. That you are their entire world. Enjoy the cuddles, the softness of their voices, even their tears. It goes so quickly, and before you know it, they’re independent and more interested in everything BUT you.” — Lisa
“I wish I knew that it would be over in the blink of an eye. The first three years are so intense and hard on your marriage and on you mentally…. It feels boring and like you chose the wrong thing, but you aren’t supposed to admit that. So you smile and talk about how it is the best thing that ever happened to you. And it is. But some days you want to choose something else. And then it’s over. Then they eat their food and sleep through the night. They go to the potty and to school. Then those precious baby snuggles turn into a mommy who needs one more snuggle but the baby is too busy. The kids want to go on playdates and sleepovers. They want to spend Saturdays having sleepovers with friends and you are left shuttling them around and missing the days when you could coo at your sweet little baby. Don’t fast-forward. Don’t skip the moments. Don’t tune out and wonder where you’re meant to be or if there is something bigger out there for you. There’s not. This is it and it’s really, really short.” — Trish
These healthy Trader Joe’s products top our list for the new year
Whether you’re looking for a way to scale back on the junk, add some smarter snacks, or kick-start healthy habits in general, there are plenty of helpful options at your favorite neighborhood market. Fill up your cart in the fruit and veggie section and then add a few of our favorite healthy Trader Joe’s products to have at the ready. If you need some meal-prep help, check out our favorite Trader Joe’s meals you can make in 15 minutes or less.
Healthy Trader Joe’s Breakfast Products
Egg Wraps
Kate Loweth
We love these wraps as a breakfast burrito tortilla alternative or topped with fruit for a sweet crepe breakfast. Kids won't be able to tell the difference, we promise! Bonus: there's 4g of protein in each wrap.
While you have to be careful when consuming granola since it’s normally high in sugar and fat, this peanut butter protein granola has 11 grams of protein per serving! Enjoy in small amounts atop yogurt for that extra protein serving your body is craving.
When it comes to a dense, nutritious breakfast, you can never go wrong with oatmeal. It packs a healthy portion of carbs and fiber, is rich in antioxidants, and can help lower your cholesterol and improve blood sugar control. Plus, it’s super tasty in homemade protein bars and in a smoothie, too!
You love these little bites from Starbucks and now you can have them every day of the week at home. They come in a cheese, spinach, and kale flavor as well as bacon and cheese. Pop them in the microwave and serve with a dollop of salsa.
Raisin Walnut Apple Bars
We love these little bars as they are packed with protein (10g per bar!) but they have the texture of a roll. Easy to eat on the go, these bars are packed with raisins, walnuts, and apples for a satisfying breakfast option.
Healthy Trader Joe’s Snacks
Papdums
These lentil and chickpea crisps will be your new favorite snacks. One warning: You might just eat the whole bag in one sitting. They have a lovely light Indian flavor with the texture of Pringles. Great served with your favorite hummus.
ABC Bars
We love these for kids' lunches as they have 4g of protein and taste great. The chocolatey dough enrobes the almond butter center and feels like a treat.
Roasted Seaweed Snack
Crunchy, salty, and easy to pack in your kid's lunch. We love this seaweed snack to top ramen bowls.
These dried cranberries are perfect for snacking and are fortified with cranberry seed oil. They have 200mg of omega-3’s per serving and would be super tasty on a salad, in oatmeal, or enjoyed by the handful.
Veggie & Flax Seed Corn Tortilla Chips
You get the whole package with this bag of chips. Carrot, tomato, spinach, garlic, red beet, and onion plus lots of omega-3's are all found in this inexpensive and flavorful snack.
Acai is a superfood! These pre-made puree packets are loaded with antioxidants and are low in sugar (fruit is usually high in natural sugars). Perfect for that morning smoothie bowl.
Whole Flax Seed
Flax seed is easy to add to your yogurt, homemade protein bars, and smoothies for a nice, nutty taste and texture. It's rich in omega-3s, fiber, and lignans, which block the effects of estrogen and could potentially help reduce the risk of hormone-associated cancers, such as breast, uterine, ovarian, and prostate.
Organic Chia Seed
Chia seeds are a great source of omega-3 fatty acids (that help raise your "good cholesterol"), fiber, antioxidants, iron, and calcium. They also help with reducing inflammation and weight loss and are easy to make into overnight chia seed pudding.
Healthy Trader Joe’s Beverages
Kefir & Cultured Milk
This kefir and cultured milk combo has 12 live and active cultures, packs a lot of protein, and is full of vitamin D. Kefir is a powerful probiotic, can improve bone health, and can aid with digestive problems.
Super Antioxidant Green Tea
Green tea is a must for healthy living: It helps regulate glucose levels, reduces bad cholesterol and high blood pressure, and might even help with aging and wrinkles.
Made with just coconut water, sap, and sea salt, Organic Coconut Aminos Seasoning Sauce is the perfect swap for sodium-laden soy sauce. The gluten-free, kosher sauce contains no soy, but 13 amino acids that make this product a must for stir-fries, fried rice, veggies, and more.
Add flavor without all the carbs a tasty bagel usually brings when you use TJ’s coveted Everything but the Bagel Seasoning. The blend is made with poppy seeds, minced garlic and onion, sea salt flakes, and sesame seeds and is a great addition to anything! Try on hardboiled eggs, avo toast, and even your fave dinners.
Kerrygold Grass-Fed Butter
Kerrygold grass-fed butter is not only better for baking, but it also possesses properties that are anti-inflammatory and makes for an excellent Vitamin A source.
Sunflower Seed Butter
Sunflower butter is not only an alternative to peanuts, but is also an excellent source of protein, vitamin E, magnesium, and lots of other healthy fats. It's also great for kiddos who attend schools with a "no nut policy."
Healthy Trader Joe’s Lunch and Dinner Products
All-Natural Chicken Breasts
These pre-cooked chicken breasts are deliciously flavorful and a great option to have on hand for quesadillas, sandwiches, salads, or soups. Each chicken breast is individually wrapped. You can find these in the deli section.
Beef Bulgogi
This frozen product is quickly topping our list of go-to items to have on hand when dinner needs to come together fast. Add some of the garlicky cabbage and serve this with rice for a filling meal. There's also a meatless option if that's your jam.
Stir-Fried Garlicky Cabbage
Inspired by the Thai dish Galam Plee Pad Nam Pla, this simple stir-fry of cabbage, a whole lot of garlic, and fish sauce makes a tasty addition to your meal whether you have it as a side or mix it in with your stir-fry.
Kettle Cooked Chicken Soup
One of the most popular healthy Trader Joe's products, this soup is all the rage these days as a serving will really fill you up with a whopping 16g of protein. Plus, it's pretty delicious.
Spicy Mexican-Style Riced Cauliflower
This little packet really packs a flavor punch and is a great addition to taco night. It has around 200 calories in the whole bag, which makes it an easy add-on to your weekly menu plan.
Harvest Grains Blend
This hearty and healthy blend packs lots of protein and fiber. It's made up of orzo, garbanzo beans, red quinoa, and couscous that can easily be paired with meat to make a full meal.
Frozen Brown Rice & Rice Medley
Brown rice far surpasses its white rice cousin when it comes to nutritional value, but it takes forever to cook. This box of three frozen brown rice packets makes eating healthy a cinch––microwave for three minutes and enjoy perfectly cooked rice (and no rice cooker cleanup!). Try the Rice Medley when you want a little more texture.
Organic & Sprouted TriColor Quinoa
Quinoa is referred to as a superfood and is higher in fiber than most other grains. It also has tons of protein, is low on the glycemic index, and is gluten-free.
Colorful Carrot Coins
We love these as a potato alternative to that pork roast you plan to serve for dinner. Pop them in the air fryer to get the perfect blend of soft inside and crunchy outside.
Lentils are high in fiber and therefore lower your cholesterol and chances of heart disease. Toss into a soup and enjoy increased energy, stabilized blood sugar, and a healthy gut.
Riced Cauliflower Bowl
Cut the carbs by substituting cauliflower "rice" for its white counterpart. When you use this easy, pre-made version from Trader Joe's, you'll get all the benefits of cauliflower, like tons of fiber, cancer-fighting properties, improved blood pressure and kidney function, and anti-inflammatory nutrients.
From sound machines to tracking apps that’ll help you log everything from feedings to milestones, these are the apps every parent needs
Becoming a parent means you’ll be relying on an entire village to help you navigate the world of babies and kids. Lucky for you, there’s a whole slew of apps from infant to school years to help along the way. From managing and sharing baby photos with family and friends to connecting with a new community of moms, here are some of the best parent apps.
Tinybeans: Family Photo Album
The Tinybeans platform was founded by entrepreneurs with young kids and offers parents a private space to share photos, milestones, and other moments with their children amongst family and friends in a private social network. The app is a modern-day baby book at parents' fingertips that helps save them time, with the primary advantage for parents not having to give away ownership of the images and videos they post. The app itself also includes additional privacy features not typical of larger social media sites.
Available on the App Store and Google Play, Free / Paid $7.99/month or $79.99/year.
Peanut
Peanut is a social networking app for current and soon-to-be moms so they can connect with other mamas. Sync up with women in the same life stage to share tips like how to keep kids entertained and balancing work and life. Peanut has also created a resource for users to contact those around them using free Community Postcards. Simply use the code HERE4YOU to get a 20-pack with free shipping. Fill out the postcard with your contact information and marl which services you can spare time to help out with like late night chat sessions or help with collecting supplies in your community.
BusyKid, the brainchild of a father of six, is the world's first online platform that allows kids to earn, spend, invest, and save their allowance. It's a virtual chore chart, really. Parents upload chores (based on age) to the app and to each kid's profile, the kids check off the ones they've completed, and then they're paid via the app. It's possible for kids to make charitable donations, invest in stock and stash away for big purchases.
Available for download from the App Store or Google Play, $38.99 (after the free trial) for a year for the whole family.
Moshi Twilight
With calming audio stories and guided relaxations, Moshi Twilight helps kids find a healthy nighttime routine. The stories are set in a dreamy world, and the lulling voices help little dreamers nod off. Perfect for kids learning to sleep through the night, or how to sleep alone, this award-winning parent app is worth downloading.
Now that your sweet bundle has arrived, you'll want to know where the best bargain on diapers and food can be found. That's where Basket comes in handy. This crowdsourcing app searches nearby stores to see which one carries your total cheapest list. By allowing you to compare online and in-store prices (which vary from 30 to 40% each week), you'll be able to decide where to spend your hard-earned cash.
When it comes to tackling family health and wellness, proper preparation and education are often more than half the battle. The British Red Cross has developed a clever app, Baby and Child First Aid, that’s chockfull of useful video tutorials and easy-to-follow advice that cover what to do when various ailments or medical crises arise. The app also lets parents record their child’s medication needs, and includes a list of tips and a handy checklist. While the emergency numbers in the app are for UK users, the information and advice are useful to anyone, anywhere in the world.
If you haven’t yet, you are going to be taking hundreds of pictures. In a week. Here’s how you’re going to manage it: Babypics. Capture all the precious moments, mark them with beautifully crafted artwork and words. With an array of custom features, including filters and milestone markers, you can create, save, share and order prints with just a tap.
This HD- quality video and baby monitor for your phone, tablet or computer allows you to hear every noise, stream live video and even comfort your baby remotely.
Not sure what medication is okay to take when you are pregnant or nursing, or how much? MommyMeds app from Texas Tech University Health Sciences Center will help you figure it out. Just search or scan the barcodes of thousands of medications, both prescription and over-the-counter and find clear, drug and safety recommendations and ingredients.
Visiting grandma but forgot the baby monitor? No problem. Download the Cloud Baby Monitor app and put your iPad, laptop or iPhone next to your little love. Then use your partners iPhone or another device as the parent unit for secure streaming of your hopefully sleeping baby. It will also send you notifications of motion or sound changes. Want to attempt to soothe Baby from afar? Use the app to play lullabies, white noise or talk to Baby. This app is also a great sub for those times when your regular monitor is out of range (we mean working in the garden people, not running out to the grocery store).
With more sounds than the average white noise machine and go-anywhere ease, the White Noise Baby app wins our vote for drowning out outside sounds when Baby is trying to snooze. It includes 20 soothing ambient sounds to help you—uh, we mean your baby—snooze. Choose from options like traditional white noise to “truck ride” or “vacuum cleaner,” there is something to soothe all sleepers. There is even a timer system that slowly fades audio in and out so you can sneak your phone back once baby drifts off and if you leave your device in the nursery, you can set it up to come back on when crying is detected.
Sprout Baby is a do everything baby app. Not only will it keep you posted on the latest developmental feats your baby should be going through at every stage, but also it lets you track your baby's specific milestones with photos and journal entries and track everything from feedings to growth. You can also track health records and generate a report to share with your doctor during visits.
Find Trusted Baby Advice at Your Fingertips with BabyCenter
When you have a baby, suddenly everyone from your mom to the lady at the grocery store is an expert. BabyCenter’s Your Baby Today app puts their (less annoying) expert advice in the palm of your hand. No need to thumb through heavy books, this app keeps you on top of important developmental milestones, health and safety advice and even suggests age-appropriate activities for each week. Now who’s the expert, huh?
Breastfeeding can be complicated enough at the start. Did they latch? Football or cradle hold? Which side did they eat last? When did you eat last? Nipple confusion? How about mom confusion. Don’t stress. The Baby Nursing app tracks their latest feeding time, which side and for how long they ate, bottle feeding records, sleep and more. It logs all the information in handy dandy nursing history logs, which you can share with your doc (or whomever else cares to ask) and look like a total pro.
The WebMD app includes a lot of the same features other baby apps do: sleep tracker, diaper tracker and a feeding/nursing tracker. But the big difference here is the content. The app is a fantastic resource for new parents featuring a wealth of medically-approved content on week-by-week development, milestones, doctor visits, emergencies, baby care and more.
The newborn stage is all about eating and sleeping (and pooping). So the Eat Sleep parent app tracks all of that for you in detail. Log bottles and breastfeedings. Clock in times that baby sleeps and wakes (you may even start to see a pattern one day!). And watch those dirty diapers to ensure your little is eating enough.
If you'll be pumping a lot, whether back at work or at home, Milk Maid will help you stay organized. Not only does it track when, how much and how long you're pumping, but it also can calculate whether or not your current stash will cover your next business trip.
You take dozens of photos daily, or maybe even hourly, and for those priceless keepers, giving them a quick edit will make them even better. Snapseed is an easy-to-use photo editor even for not so savvy users. Quick swipes can adjust brightness, contrast, color and more. This parent app can also rescue any money shots that just happened to be taken in bad lighting.
I saw you. Lunchables? Really? I heard your kid whining for popsicles. I saw you reach into the freezer and ask which type. As you left the store with your too-big kid sitting in the cart, asking a million questions, I saw you close your eyes and take a deep breath before saying, “Just… because. That’s just how it is.” You didn’t even give her a real answer.
I saw you. I see you. I am you.
There is a pervasive assumption that mothers should be “on” at all times. It seeped into the collective unconscious and became fodder for the shaming and judging in the dreaded “mommy wars.”
As the imperfect beings that we mothers are, when we make a mistake, we should definitely keep it to ourselves. And if we do decide to share it with the world, it had better come served with a heaping side of remorse and personal growth.
Here’s my moment of what passes for personal growth: I’m fine with that. I have decided my goal is not to be less lazy, it’s to be lazy better. I am multi-tasking my laziness into excellent childhood experiences.
Truth be told, many of the most awesome memories my daughter has are probably a direct result of me being a little lazy. The other night she planned a party in my honor. For no reason, other than the fact that she happens to think I’m sort of the best. The extravaganza ended with her giving me a pedicure in the hallway. I lay back on the floor, put my hands behind my head, and enjoyed this great bonding experience. Really, I was just very, very tired.
The time she played in the mud at the edge of the lake—covering herself hair-to-toe and pretending to be a sea monster? It’s true that I am generally pretty easygoing in regard to that sort of play, but I knew I would regret it when it was time to hose her off. Still, I decided to let future me deal with the mess.
My toddler decided to turn the dog’s water dish over, so I put a towel down and handed him some cups, spoons, and a newly full bowl of water. I’m sure he’s learning valuable skills. I just wanted to cook dinner.
When anxiety grabs hold of my brain, I tend to turn into the “no” monster, squasher of all things fun because they might make a mess and oh my god please don’t pull out the paints right now. When I can let go and surrender to the laziness of “I’ll deal with this later,” it leads to some of those childhood experiences I know they will remember fondly for the rest of their lives.
Tomorrow me thinks I’m awful.
My kids never have to know that the kitchen concoctions and ensuing mess happened because I was just hungry and didn’t want to get up. Who hasn’t played the game of “who can be quiet the longest” or “let’s pretend I’m sick and you’re my doctor. I’ll just lie here while you fix me up.”
Look, there is always room for improvement. If you think there is not, then you are probably twice as wrong. Sometimes I am burned out, and my lazy comes out in ways that are less constructive. The “because I said so” ways. The rest of the time laziness and creativity meld together like the blue playdough and the red playdough that I was too tired to keep separate.
Someday, after I am long gone, I imagine my son saying, “Remember that time Mom let us draw on the house with chalk?” His sister will smile and add, “Remember all the glitter?”
So, maybe I am lazy sometimes. And maybe that’s okay.
Rhiannon Giles is an overwhelmed mother who only occasionally considers giving her children to the circus. She has a sarcasm problem and writes regularly at rhiyaya.com. To keep up with new posts and see some of her favorites, join her on Facebook and Twitter.
“You can be an amazing mom, a great partner, a supportive sibling, a kind daughter, a competent coworker, a good friend, and an amazing individual”
I have spent my whole life setting myself on fire to keep everyone around me warm—sacrificing my time, emotional energy, and, quite often, my well-being and sanity for other people. It certainly wasn’t ingrained in me to do this just in motherhood. Oh no, it started far before children, when I was a kid myself. I learned to wipe my own tears, stuff down my feelings and do what was right for everyone… everyone but me.
Due to this self-sacrificing nature that my childhood demanded, I developed a trigger about taking time for myself away from my children. I was so determined not to make them put their needs aside like I had to do, that I didn’t take care of myself at all. Like seriously at all. I hated the term “self-care.” I couldn’t relate to moms who went out without their kids, literally ever. I had two pedicures in seven years, and my daughter was with me both times. I was so afraid of not being there for everyone and not taking care of my kids in the way they deserved that I held myself to an impossible standard—never allowing myself a break.
I was quite willing to happily sacrifice my last ounce of sanity and self to parenthood. Sure, I was burned out, but they were worth it, and I felt that was what I needed to do to be the best mother possible. I am sure I did a fabulous job taking care of my family, my kids, and my friends. But my skill set in no way involved how to take care of myself and my mental health. Not only did I not know how to set healthy boundaries, but also how not to feel bad about setting them.
What does this slow burn look like for me through the rest of adulthood? I spend all my time fixing people’s problems, absorbing the pain and anxiety of others, giving out advice, and competing for the title of “Most Dependable Human Being, Friend, Daughter, Wife, and Mother.” It means I put my needs on the back burner, thinking I’ll get back around to some form of self-care at some point. And guess what? It never happens. I have given up my health, my peace, my joy, my comfort, and even my safety to keep everyone around me happy.
Then finally, this past year, after a lifetime of pouring out all I had and everything I was, and after almost 10 years of mothering in the same way, I broke down. Not just an “I need a break” kind of meltdown but a complete and total realization that I had to change how I looked at everything to sustain being a good parent and person.
I realized having healthy boundaries doesn’t make me a bad person. I am now learning to listen to my gut when it tells me that I’ve had enough of something and that I need to take a break or step back. Continuing to be a good wife, daughter, sister, and friend can only happen if I give myself permission to help when I can and to stop when I can’t. It means I recognize that I can assist in others’ journeys without feeling like I have to do the work for them. I can care without carrying everyone else’s burdens.
I have always viewed sacrifice as the mother of all virtues, and listen, as a mom, I think most of the time it is a virtue. My kids are my No. 1 priority and I will never put myself before them, but I learned a very important thing about self-care in the last year. Taking care of yourself isn’t just saying “me first,” it’s also saying, “Hey! My health and my well-being matter as much as yours, and being the best mom that I can be requires some breaks and resets sometimes.”
You can be an amazing mom, a great partner, a supportive sibling, a kind daughter, a competent coworker, a good friend, and an amazing individual. You can give to others without it always being to your detriment. You can meet others’ needs without completely abandoning your own.
Taking care of yourself also means you want nothing more than to help your children chase their dreams while running right alongside them, chasing yours as well.
The Redeemed Mama is a writer who had had articles published by The Today Show, Love What Matters, The Mighty, Faithit, For Every Mom, The Creative Child Magazine and more. She has 3 beautiful kids and resides in Southern Arizona and loves writing about parenting, life and growth!
Simple things like “let’s count to 20 together” really work
While occasional anxiety and nervousness are perfectly normal feelings for many kids—especially in reaction to new or unfamiliar situations—some may experience persistent or extreme forms of fear or sadness. One in four children will experience anxiety disorders in their lifetime, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. Additionally, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention has reported that anxiety and depression among kids ages three to 17 have increased over time. How can parents help? We can get them to express their worries by using phrases that’ll help calm an anxious child in various situations.
School-related anxiety is so common in children that it often masquerades as other ailments. Whether your child suddenly complains of a headache or an upset stomach just before going to school or starts to act out at the mention of homework, there’s a good chance they're likely experiencing school anxiety. Here’s what you can say to help:
“Remind me what your favorite subjects or activities at school are.” By redirecting your child’s attention to things that they care about at school—like favorite subjects and school activities—they can focus on the positives instead of worrying about the bad stuff.
“Let’s take a few deep breaths together.” Modeling calming behaviors will show your child that there are better ways to regulate their emotions than acting out.
“What are you most looking forward to learning at school?” Similar to asking about the things they enjoy at school, encouraging your child to anticipate all of the good things in their upcoming day can help to build new habits and associate new feelings about school.
“Have you gone through your checklist for the day?” It’s useful to develop a checklist to help your child gain a greater sense of control over her daily schedule and activities.
“How can I help you feel better?” By offering your support, your child will know that you recognize their school anxiety is real and that you are there to help.
Fear of the unknown can trigger anxiety in people of all ages, but for children especially, the experience of being in large unfamiliar crowds can be overwhelming. Whether it’s at an airport or a sports stadium, being little among a group of strangers can induce anxiety. Here are a few things to tell your crowd-nervous kid:
“I’m right here with you. You are safe.” Reassuring your anxious child that they are safe with you will go a long way to allay their fears, whether they are real or imagined.
“Let’s count to 20 together.” Offer up different coping skills to your child, such as taking a moment to calm down.
“Many things are going on, but focus only on what’s in front of you.” An overwhelmed child may experience sensory overload, so encouraging them to focus on something small may help to block out external distractions.
“I know this can feel scary.” Validating your nervous child’s concerns will let them know you care and are listening to them.
“Everything is OK, this moment will pass.” Remind your child that their feelings are real, but the scary moment is temporary and eventually will pass.
What to Say When They Have New Experiences Anxiety
“Tell me what you think will happen next.” Anxiety about new experiences is often correlated with feeling a loss of control. Encouraging your anxious child to think about what will happen next may help them imagine a situation in which they have greater control.
“Tell me what you’re looking forward to seeing.” Emphasizing the positive possibilities of a new experience can help your child discover something fun to look forward to.
“The scary part will pass.” Remind your frightened child that the scary parts of new experiences are temporary and will eventually pass.
“What can we explore together?” Tell your child that you are in this together.
“You are brave—you got this.” Offer words of encouragement to help your anxious child recognize the strength they already possess.
Whether it’s stage fright or the onset of nerves during sporting activities, kids can sometimes feel overwhelmed when they need to perform. Parents can help guide their children through this kind of anxiety with a few simple words of encouragement:
“It’s OK to be nervous.” Remind your child that nerves are natural stress responses, and it’s OK to rechannel feelings of nervousness into something that they can control.
“Tell yourself, ‘I can do this!’ ” Foster your child’s belief that they can do whatever they set their mind to doing.
Make a battle cry for yourself: “I am invincible!” Creating a battle cry can help to shore up your child’s confidence and encourage them to tap into their inner strengths.
“What’s the worst thing that could happen?” Encouraging your nervous child to imagine worst-case scenarios may seem counter-intuitive, but allowing them to think through all of the various situations that could occur may help them gain a better understanding of how they would respond in each case.
“Just do your best. I’m already proud of you.” Assure your anxious child that you support their efforts, regardless of the outcome.
Visiting relatives can be difficult for some kids, especially if it’s been a while since their last visit. Children like structure and routine, and when day-to-day routines are broken by visiting relatives, kids who are prone to anxiety may panic. Here’s what to say to them:
“Tell me about how you’re feeling.” Listen to what your nervous child has to say. Acknowledge their feelings and work with them to learn coping skills that will help them feel better.
“I get anxious sometimes, too.” Demonstrate that you are empathetic to your child’s feelings by talking about the things that make you anxious.
“What do you need from me?” Your child may need something as simple as a few words of support or a hug, but asking them what they need at the moment can help assure them that you are responsive to their needs.
“Let’s take a moment for ourselves.” Don’t be afraid to give your child and yourself a time out from whatever hecticness is occurring with family visits.
“I can’t wait until …” Talk to your anxious child about what you’re looking forward to, whether it’s spending time with grandma and grandpa or going on a family vacation.
Between daily parenting duties, work, and navigating the current world in general, saying your days are full is probably an understatement. And while your kid’s day may be full of exploration and creativity, they can also experience a lot of anxiety, stress, and pressure. Which makes it even more important to have some positive, uninterrupted time to reconnect.
Even five minutes can make a difference in a child’s emotional well-being. But as Randy McCoy, VP of Product & Curriculum for The Little Gym, reminds us, how long you play is less important than how often. “It’s not necessarily the ‘duration of play’ but the ‘frequency of play’ that matters most,” Mccoy says. “If a parent can give their child their undivided attention and play with them just five minutes a day, every day, they’re on the right track.”
The good news is, there are lots of ways to play that take next to no prep. Read on for 21 easy ideas to play with your kids, whether you have five minutes, fifteen, or more.
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8 Super Fast 5-Minute Games
When you have a few minutes, whether it's before school or after dinner, parent like a pro with these little-to-no-prep basics you can use just about anywhere.
Try out "Would You Rather?" kid edition. Spend a fun five minutes taking turns asking questions like, "Would you rather never eat ice cream again or get a trampoline?" or "Ride a dinosaur for 20 miles or an elephant for an hour?" The sillier the better. This also makes a great road trip game.
Make a dictionary dash. Grab a dictionary and choose a word at random. Read it out loud and have the kids guess what it means. If they can read, they can take turns finding words and trying to stump you.
Tickle your sidekick’s funny bone. Whip out brain busters or riddles that will make them laugh. Luckily you don’t need Comedy Central writers for this one. We think your goofballs will get a kick out of our ultimate list of jokes for kids.
A few rounds of “We’re going on a picnic” alphabet style will entertain the tot lot. The first player up says, “I’m going on a picnic,” then adds a tasty packable to the phrase, like an apple, apricot or avocado. Stick with ABC-order, or focus on just one letter for each round.
Play 20 questions. Have your kids guess what you're thinking of, and keep it simple, like something you can see from where you're standing.
Play a classic game of Rock, Paper, Scissors—Japanese style. It’s called Janken. Start by saying “saisho wa guu.” Then “janken pon” as you pump, before throwing on “pon.” The winning combos are still the same in this timeless, quick game you can play at home or on the go.
Turn yourself into a living “spot the difference” puzzle. Start with a slow model turn, then disappear and make a quick change out of sight. When you come back, your cutie’s got to spot what’s different. Did you take off a cap? Put on a scarf? Untie a shoe? Keep it easy for the tots, and kick it up a notch for older kiddos (only one earring!). Then let them have a turn trying to stump you.
Try out a sequencing game when the wanderlust takes hold. Name a person, place, and object, all starting with the same letter of the alphabet, then string them together like kids lining up for the school bus. “Alice from Australia loves alligators!” See how far you can get in a short amount of time.
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6 Mini-Games That Take 15 Minutes
For parents, playing with our kids allows us to step out of all those daily parental duties and, as McCoy explains, build friendship between parent and child. “When you play with your kids,” he says, “it provides an opportunity for you to interact with them on a different level. For a special moment, you step out of the ‘parent’ role and step into a playmate role.”
Take a break from your to-do list and try one of these 15-minute play breaks that will thrill the kids and relax you, too.
Post-It style. A stack of Post-It notes and a pen are all it takes to play this short-and-sweet variation of the classic guessing game for parties. Choose someone to be "it." Write on the Post-It note the name of a character from a book, movie, or show that your kid will recognize—it can be a famous person, someone they know or a fictional character. Stick the note to their forehead, without letting them see what you wrote. Now take turns going around the room giving "it" clues to help them guess who is on their head.
Curl up with a good book. Putting out a basket of books in a central location motivates the kids to take a look through the pages when they’ve got time to spare. Add in a sweet bookmark that keeps track of time to make it count.
Give them their daily feels. Keep your favorite sensory bin fillers on hand (like cotton balls and dry beans), along with trinkets to bury and cups for spilling and filling. When you’ve got a short window, pull out the bin, fill ‘er up, and watch your kids dig and drizzle until it’s time to go.
Set up a quick cotton ball and straw race. Perfect for the kitchen table before lunch is served. Have siblings challenge each other for the pole position on a straightaway down the center of the table, or set up a simple obstacle course using cups that the kiddos have to work around. Ready, set, go before you go!
Give a penny for their thoughts when they write in a journal. Setting aside a short amount of time to write (each day!) is a great way to encourage your amateur author’s creativity. Use silly or thought-provoking prompts to get them thinking, like, “The first time I tried ...” or “When I get to be principal, I’ll …” or even “The craziest thing that happened today…” Write on, brother!
Give up the charade. Have your little monkey stay in character when you play a quick game of animal charades. No prep is necessary for this easy guessing game. Just pick your favorite animal and go for it! With each successful guess, trade places and start again. Ee-i-ee-i-o!
Whether your aim is active playtime or quiet(er) crafting time, filling a cool 30 minutes with your kids is easier than you think. It may take a bit of planning, but once the prep is done, it’s a sit-back-and-relax situation that’s well worth the time upfront.
All things LEGO. If LEGO was the first thing that popped into your head, then we’re right there with you. They’re the forever fallback for a reason, but to hit that half-hour sweet spot, try throwing a LEGO challenge into the mix: building a car that can also work underwater, or constructing a tower that’s at least 24 inches tall. Then let your master-builder go to work.
Spin them right round. Ana at Babble Dabble Do has a new way to play with Perler beads. She puts them to work teaching science and playing tricks when these melted beauties become spinning tops. It’s just the right amount of make-and-play to fill a brief window in your busy day.
One for the movers and shakers. Print out (and laminate them if you’re feeling bold) The Alerting Activity Game, designed by Training Happy Hearts. Keep the deck on hand to stack the odds in your favor when the kids need something to do. With simple activities like “jump up and down ten times” or “pretend to be a volcano,” it’s packed with energy-burning activities that kids can run through on their own or with you!
Bring the outside in and paint it. If snow isn't covering your yard, go for a hunt for leaves, evergreen boughs, and sticks. Then take your findings to the craft table to fancy them up with paint. Acrylics work great for this project.
For activities that span the hour, the two-step Make & Play approach works well. You may want to do a little prep the day before to make it easier, like putting crafting necessities into one small bin that you can pull out to surprise the kids.
Wage war. Ah, the classic card game that is so simple to learn and so hard to win. It is possible that a game of war can take longer than one hour, but it rarely takes less. You do two card battles with the highest card the winner until one person has all the cards. Get the complete rules here.
Create a catapult.Little Bins for Little Hands has an awesome tutorial, using craft sticks and other office supplies you’re sure to have around the house. Once it’s built, set up target practice plates before letting the marshmallows fly.
Put on a show. Puppets never get old; they’re easy to make with an old sock, brown paper lunch bag or even familiar characters glued to craft sticks. Whatever method you choose, spend time creating and playing with puppets when you’ve got an hour or more to spare. Be sure to stock the craft bin with all kinds of googly eyes, buttons, yarn and doo-dads to help bring the puppets to life. Then find an old sheet or use a baby’s blanket draped over the table to create a stage. Bravo!
