We promise that these pirate jokes won’t make you want to walk the plank
Talk Like a Pirate Day is September 19 and we’ve got all the best pirate jokes for kids to get your day off to a hilarious start. These kid-friendly jokes are full of puns and will have you laughing all day! Be sure to check out our collection of the best jokes for kids, summer jokes, corny jokes, and even knock-knock jokes.
1. How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced? About a buck an ear.
2. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting pirate.
Interrupting pir—yarrrrrr!
3. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter? Arrrrrrrrrr
No, it be the C! (Sea).
—A hilarious 6-year-old reader.
4. What is a pirate’s favorite body part? The booty!
—C.J., age 9
5. How do you save a dying pirate?
CPArrrrrrrrr
6. What’s a pirate’s favorite fish?
The Swordfish.
7. What’s a pirate’s worst enemy?
Termites.
8. What do you call a pirate who likes to skip school?
Captain Hooky.
9. Why does it take so long for pirates to learn the alphabet?
Because they spend years at C.
10. Where do pirates buy their hooks?
The second hand store.
11. What did the pirate say when he left his wooden leg in the freezer?
Shiver me timbers!
12. What do you call a pirate with two legs and two eyes?
A newbie.
Yes, dad jokes for kids are a little silly, but also a lot of fun
When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punch line becomes apparent. (Har har!). You’ve cringed, laughed, and even been known to repeat them on occasion. The good news is that kids get a real kick out of them. Once you’re done with these cheesy dad jokes, try out the best jokes for kids, jokes that are good for school kids, and riddles that’ll keep the kids puzzled.
Typical Dad Jokes for Kids
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-I used to hate the hokey pokey, but I really turned myself around.
-Is the refrigerator running? Better go catch it!
(yeah, that one hurt us, too...)
-Why did the bicycle keep falling over?
It was two tired.
-What do you call a man who tells dad jokes but isn’t a dad?
A faux pa.
-Dad: I told my kids to embrace their mistakes, then they hugged me.
-I entered a pun contest. I submitted 10 of my best puns to see if any would be a win.
However, no pun in ten did...
-Hey kids, I got you Fortnite. But it will only last two weeks.
-What’s the secret to a good elevator pitch?
It has to work on many levels.
-Want to hear a long joke?
Jooooooooooooooke.
-What does a house always wear to a party?
Address.
-Charlie Chaplin and Marcel Marceau just threw microphones into the sea. Guess it’s true that great mimes sink a mic.
-Have you heard how popular the local cemetery is?
People are just dying to get in.
-Kid: I’ll call you later!
Dad: Just call me Dad!
-When does a joke become a Dad joke?
When the punch line becomes apparent.
-This pencil has two erasers. It’s totally pointless.
Food-Related Dad Jokes for Kids
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-What kind of drink is bittersweet?
Reali-tea
-What do the royals put on their pancakes?
Sir Up.
-My kid just asked me "Can I have this, apple?"
Guess he doesn’t know my name is Dad.
-Dad: Did you hear the butter rumor? Well, I'm not going to spread it.
-Why Did the vegetable call the plumber?
It had a leek.
-What do you get when you coddle a cow?
Spoiled milk.
-Dad: Another word of caution. Never tell secrets near a cornfield. They’re all ears.
-How many apples are growing on that tree?
All of them.
-Why did the man buy so much yogurt?
To get cultured.
-Time to take this cookie to the hospital! It’s feeling crummy.
-Evaporated milk is confusing. There's so much liquid in it.
-Dad to kid: Where are French fries from?
Kid: France?
Dad to kid: Greece!
-Dad to kids at dinner: I would tell you my pizza joke but it’s just too cheesy.
-What do you call a band of berries playing music?
A jam session.
-How do you fix a broken tomato?
With tomato paste.
Science Dad Jokes for Kids
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-“Kara, on average, how far can a dog run into the woods?”
"Gee, Grand Dad, I don’t know.”
“Half way. After that, the dog is running out of the woods.”
—Grand Dad jokes 49-52 submitted by our hilarious reader Dave
-Did you ever notice ants don't get sick?
They're full of anti-bodies.
-I can't find the U-Cut tree farm. I'm completely stumped.
-Doctor, doctor, I'm terrified of squirrels!
[Doctor] You must be nuts.
—Jerry C., faithful reader
-Dad: This book about how Newton discovered gravity is so good! I just can’t put it down.
-What do you call a fish with four eyes?
Fiiiish!
-Why doesn’t a photon need a suitcase?
Because it’s traveling light.
-Dad to kid (in a serious voice): A word of advice, kid. Never trust atoms. They make up everything.
-How does a musician win a fight?
They call for Bach up.
-Kid: Why are you talking to yourself, Dad??
Dad: I needed an expert's advice.
-Dad: I am giving away all my batteries...free of charge!
-How do you know carrots are good for your eyesight?
Have you ever seen a bunny wearing glasses?
Did you hear the one about the claustrophobic astronaut?
He just needed a little space.
Body-Related Dad Jokes
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-How do you make a Kleenex dance?
Put a little boogie in it!
-“You have a hole in your sock, Jack.”
“No, I don’t.”
“Sure you do. That’s how you got your foot in it.”
-"Wow! Chase, you sure got tall. I hope you don’t grow another foot.”
“Why not Grand Dad?”
“Because if you do, Mommy will need to buy you a third sneaker.”
-"Grand Dad, you look pretty sharp. Where did you get your haircut?”
“On my head, Shane.”
-Dad tells kids: Here’s a cautionary tale. Don’t sing in the shower!
-Kid: Dad, did you get a haircut?
Dad: No, I got them all cut.
-Dad: I never thought I’d be the type to have a beard. But then it just grew on me.
Kids: What?? Why not?
Dad: If you get soap in your mouth, it will turn into a soap opera.
Kids: GROAN!!!!!
-Kid: Dad, it hurts when I move my arm like this.
Dad: Then don’t move your arm like that.
-Why do skeletons stay so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
-What do you call someone with no nose and no body?
Nobody knows.
-Did you hear about the dad who chugged 8 sodas?
He burped 7-Up.
-Kid to Dad: Why are there balloons in the bathroom?
The big day is almost here! Now’s the time to map out your Atlanta trick-or-treat route with the kids
October brings everything spooky, and Halloween is a real “treat” in Atlanta. It’s time to gather your little ghouls and goblins to take them for a mysterious, but a kid-friendly, night on the town. The metro Atlanta area springs to life every year with annual Halloween trick-or-treating bashes, and this season there are a few new additions for kids to gather their goodies in some of the most haunted areas. Check out these fang-tastic Halloween-themed activities you and the kiddos can head to this year.
The best Atlanta trick-or-treat neighborhoods and events
Become one with the creatures of the forest at the Chattahoochee Nature Center. Explore the mysterious forest on a guided night hike during the 37th Annual Halloween Hikes. This is a family-friendly hike with music, crafts, and campfires and is perfect for a non-scary Halloween event for all ages. But make it a new Halloween tradition. Hikes held on October 28 and 29.
This Buckhead neighborhood is bound by Moore's Mill Road on the south, I-75 on the east, and the Paces neighborhood on the west, and is especially happening in the streets surrounding the Morris Brandon Primary Center. Expect a neighborhood draw and loads of kids.
Find it: Start on Sequoyah Dr. and Margaret Mitchell Dr. in Atlanta.
Located at Penn Avenue and Myrtle Street, from Fourth to Eighth Streets, you'll find The Midtown Neighborhood Association is hosting its annual Bash on Halloween this year. The Halloween Bash, which is now a spooktacular block party, will allow the kiddies to party for two extra hours. The family can enjoy food, mysterious fun, and trick-or-treating during the extended time.
Find it: Start at Myrtle St. and Fourth St. in Atlanta.
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Ashford Park Neighborhood
This neighborhood in Brookhaven, surrounding Ashford Park Elementary School, is known for its pedestrian-only Redding Road segment of Halloween revelry, but the streets near Redding Road equally embrace Halloween. The best news? Ashford Park, located at Redding Road and Caldwell Road, is known as the "push toy park" and is the perfect spot to calm an over-excited (or over-sugared) little one down before heading to the next house.
Find it: Start on Redding Rd. and Caldwell Rd. in Atlanta.
Virginia-Highland
Not far from Inman Park, you'll find elaborately decorated homes, sidewalks, and plenty of streetlights in Virginia Highland. Just steer clear of North Highland Ave. This particular neighborhood may be more geared toward older kids and adults. Some bars and restaurants celebrate Halloween, but it may be a bit scary for the tiny tikes. Find it: Start at Barnett St. and Adair Ave. in Atlanta.
Inman Park is probably one of the best places to trick or treat. With streets of Victorian houses (not so spooky any other time of the year, but really—have you ever seen a haunted house that's not a Victorian?), Inman Park is the perfect backdrop for trick-or-treating. The neighborhood takes decorating for Halloween seriously, so expect some legitimately spooky displays, but it's a fun and safe environment suitable for some serious fun.
Find it: Start on Sinclair Ave. or Elizabeth St. in Atlanta.
Historic Brookhaven
While the homes in Historic Brookhaven are a bit more spread out, the streets in this beautiful neighborhood are easy to navigate and are filled with little trick-or-treaters every Halloween.
Find it: Start at East Brookhaven Dr. and East Club Ln. in Atlanta.
This historic neighborhood in Atlanta has a bit of the Halloween flair year-round, with massive Victorians lining the streets. These (possibly haunted) homes go all out for trick-or-treating and are close together to maximize your candy and minimize your walking. The Atlanta Zoo is also nearby and a great place to trick or treat and have a howling good time. Kiddies can dress up as their favorite animals and hang out with them at the Boo at the Zoo. Don't forget you can also go ghost hunting and "Capture the Spirits" at the Oakland Cemetery.
Find it:Start at Cherokee Ave. and Atlanta Ave. in Atlanta.
Avondale Estates
Annually on Halloween night, the City of Avondale closes some of its streets, issues a detailed safety map for trick-or-treaters, and awards homeowners City of Avondale Estates Halloween Spirit Awards for best decorations, scariest, most creative, and best decor for kids. This year, a neighborhood parade will end with spooky treats, good eats, and ghostly fun!
Find it: Start on Clarendon Pl. in Avondale Estates.
Chastain Park Neighborhood
With streets that are closed to vehicles, food trucks, and even one of Atlanta's best playgrounds (in case the kiddos need a break from the action). The area is perfectly set up for the annual this neighborhood is prime trick-or-treat real estate.
Find it: Start at Broadland Rd. and Hillside Dr. in Atlanta.
Twelve years ago. Storytime at the public library. Ten little three-year-olds sit on their bottoms watching the librarian perform a lively and entertaining puppet show. The children’s mothers lounge on the floor by their children, laughing along with them and delighting in the enraptured look on their young faces.
Except for one mother. Me. I try to look relaxed and engaged, but the truth is my internal pressure gauge is rapidly rising. Oakley is not sitting with me. He has wiggled out of my grasp and is now in the front of the room trying to converse with the puppets in the show. He keeps leaning his head into the puppet theater to see where they go when they are not on the stage. He is speaking loudly, asking the people in the audience where they are hiding, and pushing against the flimsy puppet stage in an uncoordinated manner.
“Oakley, come sit down,” I say as gently as possible. As if. I know all too well where this is heading. He shoots me a look, full of impish daring. I eye the nearest exit. It seems miles across the library. “Oakley, come here.”
I start to crawl up to where he stands in front of the crowd. My cheeks redden, and I feel uncontrollably hot. Why did I ever try to bring him here? Something about the fluorescent lights, the quiet tones, and the cavernous space always makes Oakley become unglued. I must have had a lapse in judgment when I thought it would be fun.
Oakley looks at me again, grins, and snatches a puppet right off the librarian’s hand. “No Oakley!” I half-shout and half-groan. I reach for him, but it is too late; he is off. All the mothers smile sympathetically at me, and the librarian pops her head up. “Uh-oh,” she says.
Uh-oh nothing… this is just the beginning. I stand up and walk swiftly after Oakley. I do not dare run in the library. “Oakley,” I call in my best public I-can-handle-this voice. “This is not funny. Come back.” He darts between two shelves of books and sprints with the puppet in his hand to the farthest recesses of the library; I am in hot pursuit. He weaves from one aisle to the next and squeals with delight as I gain on him. “Oakley,” I hiss when I think no one can hear. “Stop.”
He is little but nimble, and without sprinting, there is no way I can get him. He seems to know that I don’t want an embarrassing scene and uses it to his advantage. He zooms out to the study corral area and shrieks with unbridled joy. He is obviously enjoying the sound of his own voice bouncing off the high ceilings in this quiet atmosphere.
People all around the library are now watching: Many look annoyed, a few curious about who will win our little game of tag, and one or two look genuinely sympathetic. The puppet show lady is now standing up staring at our spectacle, and all the children who were watching her show are now watching our show. As he flies by the check-out area, another librarian calls out, “He can’t do that in here!” Obviously, I think, but I just smile at her and weakly reply that I know.
He spins down a reference aisle, and I start to lose it. I am now openly running, realizing that it is the only way. Again I hiss, “ Stop or I will pull your ear!” Somehow that sounds more dignified than shouting that I will spank him. I close the gap between us, then lunge. I grab the back of his shirt and pull him to me. His squeals of delight turn to screams of outrage. “Let me go. Let me go!” He thrashes and writhes, and I can barely hold him.
Tucking his 40-pound body under my arm in a football hold, I try to walk back to the children’s section to return the puppet. It is no easy task. Sweat covers my body. He is putting up an intense fight to match his intense fury. I return the puppet and beg forgiveness. The mothers are no longer smiling; many are averting their eyes.
I realize that I can not leave the library carrying him and our assorted bags while he is tantrum-ing, and we have to get out of here. So, praying no one in this library knows me, I take his jacket and tie it around his arms and torso like a straight jacket. I tie it in the back, grasp the knot tightly in one hand, hold our things in the other, and drag him against his will out of the library like a trussed turkey. Everyone watching us.
Finally, we make our way out the doors and onto the sidewalk. Exhausted and in desperate need of a regroup, I sit us both down on the curb. I look at Oakley. The fresh air has stilled him. He is not screaming anymore; he has moved on and is blissfully watching the cars pass by.
“Oakley, you can’t do that. It makes mama so sad.”
“You proud of me?” he asks.
“No, Oakley. I am angry that you ran away and screamed in the library.”
“Don’t be angry. Be proud!” Oakley grins wildly, and his eyes shine.
It is obvious that he doesn’t get it. He thinks that we just played a romping game of chase. He was only angry because he lost. Now he sparkles. “Ugh,” I groan. How can I love this little nut so much? Another trip to the library, another year off my life.
This story sums up Oakley’s and my life together. He has brought me to my knees countless times and filled my heart to the brim with pride. He has an incredible love of life and readiness to take on the world. Now, at 15, he bikes on six-foot-tall unicycles, does backflips, juggles, and still laughs with maniacal glee. He is still the same nut he was at three—and he still doesn’t do well keeping his bum on the floor.
Beginning in August 2019, my son Oakley and I will cycle across America over the course of three months. Oakley is a spirited 15-year-old boy who has always struggled to fit into the confines of mainstream culture. I am Leah, his mother—and we are ready for adventure.
My son, Sebastian, and I lived in the same house for 15 years. I gave birth to him. I changed his diapers and taught him to ride a bicycle.
I was a stay-at-home mom, and he was my only child. We spent hours together every day playing and doing crafts together. He painted the most extraordinary pictures even as a toddler. His existence filled my imagination from the moment that I looked at the faint blue positive mark on the pregnancy test.
But I didn’t truly know Sebastian until he was 15. I didn’t know him, because I didn’t see him.
Nobody saw him. Sebastian is the only person in the world known to see with words like a dolphin sees with sound. His blindness is an invisible disability. He has always slipped through our sighted world with what appeared to be the same ease as a spinner dolphin flying through the air.
Now Sebastian is 18, and every time he hugs me I can still feel the shell of his tiny newborn ear against my lips and his infant body in the nook of my shoulder where his chest meets mine. I always inhale, trying to recapture that baby smell and the tickle of almost invisible hair on my lips. His hair is now thick and smooth, not the dandelion fuzz of pale blond.
I cherished every sweet moment with him when he was small. Every hug, every smile, every game of hide-and-seek. I rocked him to sleep each night when he was little. We read aloud together until he was 12. He still hates Les Miserables. Tolkien was more his thing, with the dragons, wizards, and the magic ring that makes you invisible but also drains your soul.
He still hugs me every night before I go up to bed. Even after everything, especially after everything, Sebastian tells me that he loves me. When his long arms reach around my shoulders and he leans, I can still feel his little sneakers banging my hips and his little toddler arms hugging my neck. I smell the ghost of Cheerios-past every time.
In the car when we talk about the things we’ve been through together, about how I finally came to know him and see him, I reach out my hand to him. Sebastian’s cool, long-fingered artist’s hand lands in mine, squeezing. In his gentle adult grasp, I feel the ghostly hand of a child in mine, much smaller.
What magic ring did Sebastian have that cast its spell so thoroughly over him that it silently saved him while killing his soul? Surely it was not the cloak of invisibility that he wore all through his childhood as he zoomed through my house waving his wand. He was Darry, King of the Fairies and Professor of Defense Against the Dark Arts. He cast his charm all over so thoroughly that I didn’t see him. Nobody saw him.
I remember his eyes, so bright blue and filled with pain as we both sobbed on the kitchen floor. It was January of 2017, and we had just discovered that 15-year-old Sebastian couldn’t recognize his own face and had taught himself to navigate our own home by counting his steps and turns. I had to tell him that he’d been born blind, not understanding how it was possible myself.
After I finally saw him and his invisible disability, I was crushed with guilt. How could I, as his loving mother, not see what was there before my eyes? Not seeing him kept me from giving the support he truly needed.
Yet with time, I came to realize that I had done nothing wrong. Like him, I did not know I was blind: blind to the side of him nobody could see. My intentions were always good and pure. They were rooted in love and tenderness and a desire to be the best mother I could be.
That’s what we all want as mothers. But sometimes, life creates blind spots. When we come to recognize them, we must accept and learn from them.
Now I am privileged to see the man who walks through this world with dignity and grace. His dry, laconic humor cracks me up, and his striking art inspires me. With his help and support, I am fighting to end the discrimination against the millions of people who have cerebral/cortical visual impairment. (CVI was identified as the number one cause of visual impairment in the developed world more than 10 years ago and still doesn’t have a diagnostic code.)
Every day, I celebrate seeing him for the wonderful man he is.
Stephanie Duesing is the author of Eyeless Mind: A Memoir About Seeing and Being Seen, a true story about the discovery of her son Sebastian’s almost total blindness at the age of fifteen. Stephanie is devoted to raising awareness of Cerebral/Cortical-Visual Impairment (CVI) and advocating for patients with this visual impairment.
Social distancing is good for our health, but not getting as many hugs is hard on everyone! Whether your loved ones live across the country or across the street, this easy card will brighten someone’s day. Read on for the simple tutorial.
What you’ll need:
White card stock paper
Construction paper, various colors
Printer to print picture*
Glue or tape
Markers
Scissors
*Don’t have a printer — or want a more traditional hug card? Check out this adorable and simple “Hug In An Envelope” project from MummyDeals.com.
Step 1: Trace those hugging arms
Have your kids put both hands (and as much of the arms as can fit) onto a piece of colored construction paper. Trace, then cut out along the lines.
Tip: Want to make a few cards at once? Just stack a few sheets together and cut them all simultaneously.
Step 2: Strike a pose… then cut it out
Get those adorable huggers against a wall and tell them to "Say cheese!" with great, big, outstretched arms. Then, print out your photo and cut out your little person's picture.
Step 3: Glue picture onto the card
Fold a piece of card stock paper in half to make an instant-card. Then, glue your child's picture onto the inside so that your kiddo's outstretched arms fit onto the page (if one or both arms goes over the edge of the paper a little, it's OK to cut off the overhang — you'll be glueing paper arms on top in the next step anyway).
Note: You could end the project here and you’ve got a pretty awesome card to personalize and send to the grandparents. But if you want something that gets you one step closer to a real, live hug, move onto the next step…
Step 4: Give your card some arms
Glue your child's traced arms onto the inside of your card so that they cover the arms on your child’s picture. Then, wherever the arms reach the paper's edge, fold inward so that they stay inside when the card is closed.
Step 5: Get ready for some serious “Awwwwws.”
Have your young scribes decorate the front of the card and write a fitting note to go with their hug. Then, find an oversized envelope that will hold your custom-made greeting and send it to anyone who needs an instant pick-me-up.
From cozy swaddles you can use from day one to baby sleep sacks and wearable blankets kids can snooze in even as a toddler, here is the best baby sleepwear from brands including Dreamland Baby, MORI, Little Sleepies, Nested Bean, HALO, Snuggy Buddy, Woolino and more.
Made from eco-friendly, biodegradable bamboo viscose fabric, these wearable blankets are available in two styles: winter weight (for sleep temperatures of 61-67 degrees Fahrenheit) and seasonless (for sleep temperatures of 68-74 degrees). A longer length and adjustable shoulder snaps mean this sleep sack will grow with your child, and double zippers make diaper changes easier. We love the sweet prints and soft colors, and that Little Sleepies sends a portion of every sale to Alex's Lemonade Stand Foundation, which funds research to help cure childhood cancer.
Known for their dreamy muslin swaddles, aden + anais added two more must-haves to their collection to help baby sleep in style and comfort: the easy swaddle wrap and easy swaddle snug.
The swaddle wrap comes in three coveted prints: dino-rama, fairytale flowers and toile and is designed to feel like a cozy womb and prevent baby's natural startle reflux. With a two-way zipper bottom for easy diaper changes, the easy swaddle wrap comes in two sizes: 0-3 months (7-14 pounds) and 4-6 months (14-18 pounds). Simply wrap baby up in mere seconds and let her drift off to dreamland.
Their snug swaddle, the second product offered in their new easy swaddle collection, is designed for arms in or arms out, which helps baby find her natural arms-up sleep position. This swaddle is recommended for babies 0-3 months (5-12 pounds) and comes in three prints: twinkling stars in pink and blue and savanna spots.
The Love to Dream SWADDLE UP is for babies who bust out of their swaddle to get at their hands. The innovative arms-up design allows newborns to use their hands to self-soothe while also keeping them snug in a no-wrap swaddle. It comes in soft pastel colors and sweet prints. You can also honor rainbow babies with the Rainbow SWADDLE UP (pictured above). Love to Dream donates $5 from each purchase of this swaddle to the charity First Candle, which works to end SIDS and other sleep-related infant deaths, as well as provides support to families experiencing miscarriage and infant loss.
If your child has trouble self-soothing without holding a lovey or stuffed animal, try this sleep sack equipped with an attached lovey. A weighted butterfly at chest level simulates the feeling of a soothing touch with the soft cuddliness of a lovey. The butterfly's wings are loose so your child can hold on to the flaps while dozing off. This sleep sack is made of triple-layer muslin fabric and designed for year-round use.
Made with eco-friendly bamboo viscose, which offers UV protection and temperature regulation, these swaddles stretch to make them easier to wrap and are snug and super-soft against baby's skin. This print comes with a matching headband; other prints come with hats. Prints range from classic flowers to cute bananas, sharks, lemons, rainbows and more. The company donates a portion of every sale goes to pediatric cancer foundation Alex's Lemonade Stand.
With its removable sleeves, the Sleëp sack adapts to your baby's sleeping preferences. With the sleeves attached, your newborn can self-soothe with their hands without scratching themselves. Remove them and zip up the hole for a true swaddle, or leave them unzipped for arms-out sleeping. There's ample room for hips and kicky feet in the sleeping-bag portion, and a three-way zipper for diaper changes and passing through straps to your car seat or other gear.
This muslin sleep sack keeps baby cozy all night long. There's a two-way zipper for easy off/on and diaper changes, and the fabric is machine-washable. The sleeveless design and breathable fabric make this a great option for warmer days, but a long-sleeve onesie or PJs underneath keep baby warm as the weather cools off. It comes in seven colorful, whimsical prints, from beautiful florals to animals. Comes in two sizes: 3-12 months & 12-24 months.
Keep newborns snug and ready for sleep in the Zippy Swaddle from Sleeping Baby. The triple-reinforced swaddle wraps around baby's belly, and there's a zippered opening at the bottom for easier diaper changes. This swaddle comes in two sizes and is designed for babies 7-18 pounds who can't yet roll over. Once your child outgrows the swaddle, check out this brand's Zipadee-Zip, which helps babies transition out of the swaddle into other sleepwear.
The Sleep Nest Lite (pictured) is a lightweight cotton jersey sleep sack for infants and toddlers. It's as soft as a t-shirt and comes in three sizes and a number of colors and patterns. It can be used year-round in air-conditioning and warm nurseries. Outdoorsy families should also check out the Sleep Nest Travel, which keeps baby cozy in tents and on snoozes around town on chilly days. You'll find the full range of cotton, fleece and quilted options on the Baby Deedee website.
Available at babydeedee.com; Sleep Nest Lite starts at $34, and Sleep Nest Travel starts at $42.50.
HALO SleepSack Swaddle
There’s a reason why the HALO brand of baby sleepwear has been around for over 20 years. They pretty much invented the modern sleep sack and continue to innovate. The HALO SleepSack Swaddle adjusts so newborns can have both arms, one arm, or no arms tucked in. It comes in a choice of cotton for warmer weather or micro-fleece for when it gets cold. A bottom zipper allows baby to stay swaddled throughout all those middle of the night diaper changes.
Snug around the top but wide enough at the bottom to allow for hip-healthy leg positioning (and lots of cute kicks). The Grosnug swaddle zips open from the bottom, for easier diaper changes. Baby can wear the cozy swaddle with arms tucked in or out, so this swaddle suits a larger number of babies and grows with them.
If you’re worried about visitors—big and small—holding your child, consider the Kepi Support Swaddle. In addition to being easy to wrap, it includes the Kepi Support Spoon, a plastic backboard that can be inserted into the swaddle’s back pocket for proper head, neck and spine support. So when big sister asks to hold baby, you can say yes!
Developed with optimal neuro-development in mind, The Ollie Swaddle reduces the Moro reflex—which can jerk baby awake—and keeps baby comfortable with patented moisture-wicking fabric. It comes in one size that uses Velcro and an easy open bottom to grow with baby so you don’t have to buy a new one every growth spurt.
Dubbed the 5-second swaddle, this 2018 new release from Dr. Harvey Karp (he's the brains behind the SNOO, Happiest Baby on the Block and the 5's) will prevent even the wiggliest babies from escaping. Here's the skinny: the organic cotton Sleepea boasts a breathable mesh, two-way zipper and inner bands that will keep your baby's arms in a safe and comfortable sleep position. Read more about the Sleepea in our full review here. Available for $19.56 at happiestbaby.com.
For babes transitioning out of the swaddle, but looking to self-soothe, the new SwaddleDesigns Transitional Swaddle Sack is a life-saver. The arms-up sack allows your baby to self-soothe with the fold-over mitten cuff design, which you can wear open or closed depending on if you want babe to have access to her hands. The hip-healthy design allows baby to sleep with enough room for her knees and hips to flex. Combine all of these great features with a two-way zipper (hello easy diaper changes!) and oh-so-soft breathable cotton, and this new transitional sleepsack is a winner. Available at swaddledesigns.com for $22.
BundleBee Baby Wrap
Known as the 10-second swaddle, BundleBee says if you can wrap a burrito, you can swaddle a baby with their luxurious wrap. The removable cushion supports baby even when he’s not in a crib or cradle, making it great for visits to friends and relatives. The adorable bow literally wraps your bundle up like a gift.
Touch is an important sense for a baby’s comfort and security. The Zen Swaddle from Nested Bean mimics your embrace with gentle pressure from lightly weighted pads on the chest and sides. Swaddle with the arms in or out or opt for the sleeveless Zen Sack for older babies.
Available at nestedbean.com, $29.99.
Soft doesn't even begin to describe MORI sleeping bags. Each is crafted with MORI's signature organic cotton and bamboo fabric, which is both breathable, thermoregulating and ultra comfortable for baby. Their 2.5 Tog sleepsack (which we're huge fans of) is perfect for year-round use, and each sleeping bag even comes with a handy guide to show how you should dress baby at what temp. You'll also love the double-direction zipper, side shoulder clasps for easy in/out access and what's more: the sleepsack is suitable for newborn (8-9 pounds) all the way up to two years. New parents know that when it comes to sleep, we can use all the help we can get and this ultra comfortable and safe sleepsack will get baby one step closer to snoozing through the night.
Once baby reaches a more active age, a sleep sack or bag is a great step up from a swaddle. Made from breathable merino wool, the Woolino regulates baby’s temperature in all climates. It's pricy, but the universal size (with underarm snaps) fits babies from 2 months up to 2 years, so no need to transition your toddler to different sleepwear for a good, long while.
If you're looking for a sleep sack as unique as your babe, turn to Bumbershoots by Nana. Each sleep sack is hand-crafted by Nana in her Maryland studio. Nana hand-cuts and sews each Bumber by hand using patterns she has made and refined over time. Get kiddo in and out with easy snaps at the shoulders and a side zipper (good to know: The zipper stops around baby's hip). Beyond the bespoke quality, we love that each sleep sack is reverse-lined and made with heavier fabrics (heavier as in weightier, not hotter), which we think are perfect for colder months. The boutique sleep sacks are all machine-washable and hold up even after dozens of cycles. Prices start at $80.
Loose blankets and stuffed animals aren’t safe for sleep, but the BittaSack has a solution for babies that crave a sensory experience in the crib. This cotton wearable blanket has two lovies attached to it, right within easy reach for baby’s little arms. The shoulder straps and diagonal zipper make it easy to put on, take off, or change a diaper.
Who knew bamboo-fiber material is ideal for baby’s sensitive skin? Well, the brains behind the Gunapod Bamboo Duvet Sack did. It breathes better than cotton and is silky soft, environmentally friendly, and hypoallergenic. Stuffed with a premium fill, it will make baby feels like she’s sleeping under a down comforter. The stitched channels provide light pressure points to hug your little one all night long.
In the US, the assumption from the day my child was born has felt like I’d either a) surrender years of costly education and hard work to her and my partner OR b) essentially pay a nanny to be a third parent so I can ignore our home life and burn myself out at work. Both are incredibly disempowering.
“But isn’t option A what you want, you Housewife?” No, because I’m not a Housewife.
“But isn’t option B what you want, you Career Woman?” No, because I’m not a Career Woman.
I’m a human being, with accomplishments, goals, dreams, and aspirations. I’m a child of a Head Start pre-K teacher. She and my father both worked hard to afford private elementary school, a choice they felt was best for me at the time. I got into Bard, Bennington, and most of the other fancy “alternative” colleges, but my family couldn’t afford to send me there. So instead I worked my butt off in high school to earn myself a full ride at a public liberal arts college in Florida. When I wanted to pursue grad school to learn more about technology and move out of Florida, I took out a massive student loan that crippled me financially for the next 12 years. I finally paid it off, partly by doubling my salary within five years through grit, determination, and a real need to get out of that hole on my own. (And by my own, it also included a heaping cup of white privilege and marrying a cis white male partner, which in so doing doubled my income yet again.) I do not want to throw all of that away.
I also do not want to ignore my child in favor of a job at which I am ultimately disposable, like all other “at-will” employees in this country. It is hard to describe how deeply I longed to have a child and hold her in my arms for years and years. The reality of parenthood is much harsher than the rosy image I had of it, sure, but I still cherish every moment and love her to the moon and back. Parenthood is an opportunity to me, not a burden. I’m not outsourcing one of the most joyful aspects of my life that I have planned and yearned for.
“Geez, you sound angry.” Yes, I am angry, as I should be. (Female anger is not something to be feared, by the way. Anger is an emotion like all of the others, and one that all mothers in this country are currently very much entitled to feel.)
Yet again we are dealing with a complete failure of our government to provide even a modicum of financial and emotional support for women. The underlying message? “Your life is not worth more than your output.” As Jill Filipovic wrote about much better than I could, “Free Female Labor is The Plan.”
When I heard about the “glass ceiling” in my 20s, I always imagined it was something that I would slowly rise up to and softly bump into. That has not been my experience. Instead it’s a heavy glass pane that gets slammed into your head, knocking you out, dizzying you. It’s been three years since my daugther was born and I’m still looking around in a daze and unsure of what the hell happened.
So what am I doing about all of this? Well, I started a community called Seattle Parents Club. It’s a free, open, and supportive space for parents of all genders and families of all shapes to join together online and off. We now have more than 60 wonderful members, and I hope you will join us if you live in the Seattle area.
I’m also doing my best to not go for option A or option B, but rather forge my own path away from both, towards Other, Not Pictured Here, etc… I want my daughter to see that the format of her life is not a few decades of achievements and infinite opportunities followed by a sudden narrowing of her choices, none of which fit. That’s not what any child should see when they look at the roadmap ahead of them. Watch this space, I suppose, in terms of what that “Other” really looks like. Again, I’m only human. I’m just figuring it out.
By the way, if this post seems hurried, it’s because it is. I formulated most of this in my head while taking a shower, as my husband rushed out the door to drop off our daughter at daycare. I’m writing and publishing these words in the approximately 15 minutes of free time I have between getting ready and starting work. Is that the ideal way our family’s mornings would be? No, but like I said, I’m still forging the path.
Heather Merrick lives in Seattle with her husband, daughter, and a tailless cat. She leads customer support teams for startups by day and manages the Seattle Parents Club by night (or, to be more accurate, very early in the mornings). She loves podcasts, gardening, photography, and toddler crafts.
Sometime over the summer, parents usually hear the very first, “How many more days until Christmas?” query. You’ll laugh and say, “Not for a while, buddy” as you toss bathing suits into the laundry basket. But as the days go on, the questions keep coming. Vague answers aren’t quite cutting it for your eager kiddo. The Tobi 2 Robot Smartwatch can be a gamechanger for Kriss Kringle-obsessed kids—because every parent could use a Robot to get us through the holiday season, #amiright?
This fun, interactive smartwatch features an intuitive, kid-friendly interface that helps kids learn to tell time and keep track of it. They can use a stopwatch, timer, alarm clock, calendar and set reminders—perfect for keeping tabs on the days until Santa comes down the chimney.
And should they need a little distraction from focusing on the best-holiday-of-the-year… they can keep busy and engaged with a variety of learning, arcade and fitness games. The pedometer, dance activity game and augmented reality Walk n’ Wonder game will keep their body moving while they dream up their wish list!
Another reason your kids will want this smartwatch? The Tobi robot character speaks gibberish, giggles and has more than 100 expressions. Featuring moving arms and legs, this built-in interactive robot is here to help children learn, manage important tasks (like a Christmas countdown!), and have tons of fun every day.
Surprise toys are all the rage, and interactive cuddly creatures are always a favorite among kids. From the geniuses behind Hatchimals, in hops Peek-A-Roo—a part panda, part kangaroo interactive plush with a surprise baby reveal! This loveable cutie responds to touch and features over 150 different sounds and reactions. Enter the ROO-niverse and learn more about this adorable creature that is sure to be the next must-have toy.
Getting Baby Roo to Reveal Herself Is Magical
We love that this toy encourages social-emotional learning in the most fun way. Peek-A-Roo encourages kids to identify emotions, empathize and problem-solve. How do you get Baby Roo to reveal herself? Pet Momma Roo’s head, tickle her foot and bounce her to embolden Baby Roo to come out of the pouch. How a kid plays with Momma Roo influences baby’s mood and the way she reveals herself. Your kiddo will delight in discovering all 10 baby moods, like sleepy, bouncy, playful and more, each with matching sound effects. Momma Roo is so intuitive, she can even sense when her baby is near and reacts!
Surprise! It’s a Baby Roo!
Hatchimals are all about the egg-citing anticipation of the hatching! Peek-A-Roo builds on that thrilling element, and now you graduate from caring for an egg to a Momma Roo! The lively surprise feature keeps kids engaged and guessing—will Violet, Rosie or Bluebell be unveiled? You’ll just have to be patient to find out...
Once Baby Has Arrived, There’s More to Explore
Momma Roo knows when baby is near and reacts with games, songs and sweet cuddles. With over 10 games and songs, there are so many ways to play with momma and baby! After a fun-filled day of play, Momma Roo can cuddle Baby Roo by placing her in momma's arms. She’ll begin to sing a lullaby and gently rock her baby to sleep, and yes, it's as cute as you imagine so get ready for loads of giggles and smiles!
Exclusive: Discover Peek-A-Roo at the LA Zoo
Head to the LA Zoo and experience the unveiling of this brand new mythical species! Be the very first to discover Peek-A-Roo and witness the enchanting arrival of one of three mystery babies hiding inside Momma Roo’s pouch—which mystery baby will you meet? Continue through the exhibit to the exclusive play space where you get to experience Peek-A-Roo and discover all of her amazing and interactive features complete with a fun photo opportunity.
This exclusive 1,100 square foot exhibit at the LA Zoo will be open to the public from Saturday, August 28 - Monday, September 6—it's magical fun for the whole family!
