Look no further than your own family to find role models for your children. Grandparents can inspire the younger generation’s values and future

We all know that grandparents are our kids’ go-to source for bear hugs, commiseration (you are the common enemy), and yummy movie night snacks. But did you know that kids benefit from their grandparent’s advice, guidance, and endless love, too? Yup, research shows that it’s a win-win for both generations, and so, in honor of Grandparent’s Day on Sept. 11, here are 10 reasons why your kids need to get in that QT with Nana, Pop-Pop, Mimi, or Gramps.

Grandparents Provide Unconditional Love

Mira Temkin

Grandparents love your children and want to be around them, helping them mature and shaping them into smart, caring adults. Showering your children with unconditional love will go a long way toward instilling confidence in them and ensuring that they have a brighter future. 

You'll Help Your Parents Live Longer

A grandfather happily lifts his baby grandson into the air
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Scientists now believe that grandparents who babysit live longer than those who don’t. A study showed babysitting grandparents had a whopping 37% lower mortality risk than adults of the same age who have no “caring responsibilities.” They believe time spent with grandchildren creates a sense of purpose and also helps keep grandparents physically and mentally active. 

Related: The Most Awesome “Gramping” Packages for Skip-Gen Travel

Grandparents Want to Show Them the World!

A child spends time outside in the park with his grandparents
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Hopefully, your mom and dad will want to explore the world with your kiddos and take them to visit historic and educational destinations. Your parents may have the financial means to go a little further and take the kids on a skip-gen trip by themselves. Count yourself very lucky if they can.

Related: 11 Tips for Grandparents Traveling with Grandkids

They Can Enjoy New Experiences Together

Mira Temkin

Let your mom and dad take your kids on educational, yet fun outings—to museums, art shows, and musical theatre performances. Let the grandparents serve as role models, showcasing their passion for culture. Kids who are exposed to the arts will be more likely to pursue these experiences on their own as they continue to grow.

You Can All Be Part of a Team

A girl and her grandfather are in the kitchen cooking together
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Raising children is like a team sport. You’ve heard the expression, “It takes a village to raise a child.” Encourage your parents to be a part of the team and let them take great pride in fostering your children to become confident, healthy adults. That’s something you can all be proud of accomplishing. 

Related: 12 Games to Play with Grandparents

You'll End Up with Happier, More Secure Children

Happy grandparents spending time with their grandchildren sit on a couch laughing
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If you need more convincing, a study at the University of Oxford by Professor Ann Buchanan from the Department of Social Policy and Intervention showed that “a high level of grandparental involvement increased the well-being of children.” Their study of more than 1,500 children showed that those with a high level of grandparental involvement had fewer emotional and behavioral problems.

Grandparents Can Be Your Child’s Best Sounding Board and Source of Comfort

a boy hugs his grandpa from behind on a sunny day
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It’s a tough world out there. Your kids see how hard you work and may feel more comfortable sharing their issues and concerns with their grandparents, who might be less judgemental. If your child dreams of becoming an astronaut, grandparents have the power to encourage them. If a family is struggling, grandparents can just be there to listen and provide empathy for their fears.

Your Kids Can Learn about the Past

Grandparents sit on the beach with their two grandchildren
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There was a time in the not-so-distant past when our lives weren't ruled by technology. Grandparents can share stories about years when humans weren't living in a digital world; kids will love seeing pictures of their grandparents doing their favorite things and come to understand how different life was back then.

Grandparents Can Help Kids Do Good for Others

A girl and her grandmother look at grapes on a vinyeard
iStock

The elder generation may also place a high value on volunteering at religious and social service organizations. They may ask to bring the kids along with them at events like sorting donations at a food bank, packing school supplies, and purchasing warm coats for needy children. Participating in these kinds of activities will teach your children about compassion.  

 

Your Kids Can Learn about and Share Their Values

Mira Temkin

Grandparents have an opportunity to share their values, like the importance of getting a good education, staying close to family, and being kind to children at school who may be physically and mentally challenged, with your kids. The influence of positive role models is critical as children tend to model the behaviors they see; listening to their grandparents will serve as a guide for your kiddos.

 

It happened just today. I woke up fine. It was a beautiful day and I was ready to conquer it!

Breakfast. Check. Water flowers. Check. Get out deck furniture. Check. Laundry washed. Check. Check. Check. Make lunch. Check. Shower and get ready. Check. Read a self-help book. Check. And then the paralysis snuck in.

Somewhere between being exhausted and overwhelmed with all I “should” be doing was me—pinned between the two emotions so suddenly I couldn’t move. I was angry. Frustrated. And as time passed, the shame settled in.

The kids were watching a movie on a beautiful summer day. Bad Mom.

I have a million things that need to be organized and cleaned. Lazy.

I could be reading or writing or learning something. Weak. Apply something you’ve learned! I kept shouting in my head. But I wasn’t sure what I had learned. Have I learned anything to help me deal with this? What is this? Anxiety? The depression? Did I let the bad thoughts in? I was supposed to control those. Should I call someone? How could I bother anyone? Who would I call? Everyone is working. Everyone is busy. And I’m not. I’m lying here—pinned.

I’m doing nothing. Lazy. Weak. Bad. And here I am. Beginning. All. Over. Again. I was reminded of how fragile I am. It was OK to be fragile a couple of months ago when I finally started seeing a therapist after episodes that included suicidal thoughts and self-harm. I was fighting for my life then; I was fighting for my family. I had to be gentle with myself. Forgiving.

It was OK that I didn’t cook dinner, that I did nothing but breathe all day long. It was OK to take a nap and let the kids watch too much TV. It was OK that we ate Hot Pockets too often and spent money we didn’t have on fast food. It was OK that the house was a constant mess. It was OK.

But somehow since then, as I slowly started to clean more, slowly began to make meals instead of heating them up, slowly started to do a little more than just breathe, I fell back into being a perfectionist. I began expecting more of myself. I began thinking I was OK because I was doing more.

But Brene Brown emphasizes that perfectionism isn’t the same thing as striving for excellence. “Perfectionism is not about healthy achievement and growth. Perfectionism is a defensive move. It’s the belief that if we do things perfectly and look perfect, we can minimize or avoid the pain of blame, judgment, and shame,” she says. “Perfectionism is a 20-ton shield that we lug around, thinking it will protect us, when in fact it’s the thing that’s really preventing us from being seen.”

I can’t even express how well this describes me! I don’t want to be weak, lazy or bad, not to mention all the other unkind shaming thoughts that race through my mind. So I use the little strength I have left to lift that giant shield up to cover the fragile me. The shield of having a perfectly clean house. The shield of making breakfast, lunch and dinner all in one day. The shield of having the laundry done and put away. The shield of devouring self-help books that give an illusion of healing. The shield of being organized. On and on. The shield is heavy. No wonder I become exhausted so quickly.

No wonder I am pinned down and frustrated with my own weakness and fragility.

I can’t hold it up for long anymore. And trying to has made me weaker and weaker. You see, I have been on this journey of growth for over a year now. I started writing almost every day and I read books by the best on becoming whole, better, happier. I became more organized with Marie Kondo and started a bullet journal to track and remember everything. I set goals and accomplished them. I spent time serving, being with family and with friends.

My journey and the understanding I gained are documented through these beautiful books and methods and habits, but I was missing something vital. I had unknowingly used all the wonderful things I had learned and added them to my shield. And oh, how it grew.

My shield was big, shiny, and clean. Witty and nice. It was helpful and willing. It showed up for everything, said yes, agreed, allowed. Performed. Damn. It was like Captain Freaking America’s shield. And oh how well I carried that shield. But under it was me. Just me. Amy. And Amy, although master at yielding fancy shields, was deeply tired. She was small.

The shield did its job well. She wasn’t seen; she wasn’t heard. People admired that shield. They enjoyed it. They loved it. So she believed she needed it, that they wouldn’t love and admire her without it. She had put so much work into creating it, but one day she was so exhausted that it came down. And frightened, fragile Amy couldn’t lift it back up.

There was nowhere to go. Nowhere to hide. And the shame and the pain swarmed. And there I was, beginning, again. And today, as I set that pretty shield back down on the ground, I am beginning, again. It is time for me—not my shield—to grow.

*If you think you may hurt yourself or attempt suicide, get help right away by calling your mental health specialist or by calling the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-TALK (800-273-8255) to reach a trained counselor.

Originally published June 2020. This post originally appeared on My Peace Project.

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Amy is a creator and believes everyone else is too. She strives to be artistic in all areas of life but writing is her passion and her family is her masterpiece. She uses her blog to address the joys and struggles of motherhood and is currently writing her first novel.

It’s cool to be kind. And it turns out, despite what you might hear in the news, Americans are pretty good at in general. So as you model kindness for your kids at home, check out this new data from Verizon and Kindness.org: a first-of-its-kind academic research study to find out the state of kindness in the U.S.

People in all 50 states took part in the survey and most (86%) said they’d donate part of their liver to a family member. Nearly three in four would lend money to a friend in financial crisis and more than half would donate their vacation time to a colleague.

The kindest things you can do for others? Respondents ranked becoming an organ donor for a family member, pulling someone from a burning car and adopting and raising a family member as the top three. Other popular measures of kindness include covering a work shift for a colleague, cheering up a family member or calling a friend to encourage them.

You and your family can get involved in Verizon’s “A Call For Kindness” campaign by signing an online pledge, downloading kindness cards and visiting murals with encouraging messages around the country. And if you’re looking for activities just for kids, Kindness.org has developed a whole K-8 curriculum that teaches students to Learn Kind, plus a series of easy-to-use activities.

—Sarah Shebek

Featured image: renebigelow via Pixabay

 

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photo: Free-Photos via Pixabay 

The soccer team huddled around one boy’s phone, leaning in to get a closer look. The image on the screen was of a 13-year old student’s breasts. The private photo, taken months earlier, had gone viral.

Yes, unfortunately, sexting happens in middle school. To start, let’s clarify the definition of sexting.

Sexting is defined as “the action of sending sexually explicit photos, videos or messages via mobile phone or the internet.” Middle school counselors and teachers are concerned about the behavior as it is becoming increasingly common.

Youth Sexting Statistics

According to a 2017 Study by JAMA Pediatrics, 14% of youth reported sending sexts, and 27% reported receiving sexts. Also, 1 in 8 youth reports either forwarding or having a sext forwarded without their consent.

Why are middle school students sexting?

According to KidsHealth, there are various reasons kids are sexting, such as peer pressure, getting attention, flirting, or as a joke or dare. The fact that tweens and teens’ prefrontal cortex is not fully formed, the part of the brain that manages impulse control, also contributes.

What problems result from sexting?

As illustrated in the opening story, private photos are often widely shared, negatively impacting reputations and mental health. In some states, sharing illicit photos and videos is a crime. Tweens and teens may face charges and legal consequences. Sharing or having a nude photo on your phone could result in a child pornography charge. One impulsive decision can affect a student’s life for years to come.

What can parents do? 

1. Regular family conversations about online behaviors build a foundation as tweens and teens navigate their lives online. 
Helping kids understand and avoid oversharing is an important step. Share real stories about teens that overshared online and how it impacted their life. Share stories of how colleges and employers look at social profiles before accepting or hiring students. Make sure kids understand the legal consequences of sexting.

Conversation starter: “I was watching the news and saw a story about some kids who got in trouble for sending nude pictures to friends. Did you hear about that?”

2. Regularly remind teens that nothing shared online is ever private.
Before posting anything, it’s essential for teens to consider how they would feel if a wider audience saw the image or message. (i.e. Grandma, school principal, coaches, other friends, other parents, your whole school, college admissions person). Remind them that once images are out there, they leave a digital footprint. They can’t “take it back.”

Conversation starter: “Can we talk about the types of things you and your friends share online? I want to make sure you’re taking care of yourself and looking out for your friends too.”

3. Keep the tone of conversations non-judgemental and informative.
This will help to keep the dialogue going instead of sounding like a lecture. Rather than leading the discussion, make sure you listen to your tween/teen. Discuss the pressures that teens often experience to send inappropriate photos.

Conversation starter: “Have you heard about sexting? Do you know anything about it?”

Bottom line, sexting is becoming increasingly common. Start conversations as soon as your child has a smartphone and revisit conversations regularly. Developing healthy online habits takes attention, discussion, and lots of practice. The road is full of bumps but luckily gets smoother as parents help kids navigate the potholes.

This post originally appeared on www.JessicaSpeer.com.

Jessica Speer is the author of BFF or NRF (Not Really Friends)? Girls Guide to Happy Friendships. Combining humor, the voices of kids, and research-based explanations, Jessica unpacks topics in ways that connect with tweens and teens. She’s the mother of two and has a Master’s Degree in Social Sciences.    

Parenting a pet is a lot of work, but new data shows that furry friends make life better. A survey of over 2,000 U.S. pet parents revealed that four-legged companions are calming, improve moods and “nourish the soul.”

A study conducted by OnePoll in conjunction with Fuzzy—The Pet Parent Company, found that pets are significantly improving their parents’ lives. Seventy-nine percent of pet owners said they wouldn’t be as happy as they are now without their pet, 76 percent said that having a pet nourishes their soul and a whopping 82 percent said having a pet in the house provides a sense of calmness throughout the home.

 

Just like parents of human children, pet moms and dads have their fair share of concerns. Almost half (44 percent) worried about becoming parents for the first time and over half (54 percent) didn’t expect to spend so much money on their canine or feline companion.

“Pet parents are often surprised by the unexpected costs and time required to be a good pet parent. From medical bills to toys for playtime it’s a full-time responsibility. Having a pet by your side, however, is worth the cost” says Dr. Cherice Roth, Chief Veterinary Officer for Fuzzy.

Survey respondents certainly seem to agree that it’s worth the cost. And even as the pandemic brought many unwelcome changes to the world, 69 percent said they used the time to bond with their pet more than ever before. Turns out your fur baby might be even more essential than you think!

—Sarah Shebek

Video courtesy of Fuzzy and OnePoll/Feature photo: Annenberg PetSpace

 

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Got old toys? Mattel is here to give them a new lease on life.

The Mattel Playback program is all about recovering and reusing materials in Mattel toys and is a part of the company’s larger effort to reach 100 percent bio-based, recycled and recyclable plastic materials in all of its products and packaging by 2030. Starting out, the program will take Barbie, Matchbox and MEGA toys, with other brands becoming available for recycling in the future.

Participation is easy. First, pack up your Mattel toys that your kiddos have outgrown, then visit Mattel.com/PlayBack to print a free shipping label. Mail off to Mattel, where your box will be sorted ed by material type, processed and recycled.

If there are materials that cannot be recycled, Mattel PlayBack will convert them to energy or downcycle into other plastic products. The program is currently available in the United States and Canada, with France, Germany and the United Kingdom using a third-party partner to launch similar options.

“At Mattel, we are committed to managing the environmental impact of our products,” added Pamela Gill-Alabaster, Global Head of Sustainability, Mattel. “The Mattel PlayBack program helps parents and caregivers ensure that valuable materials stay in play, and out of landfills, with the aim to repurpose these materials as recycled content in new toys. It is one important step we’re taking to address the growing global waste challenge.

For more information on the Mattel PlayBack program, visit Mattel.com/PlayBack.

––Karly Wood

All photos: Courtesy of Mattel

 

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Is America Returning to Normal? The Proof Is in the Pudding

With a return to normal slowly becoming a reality, American’s shopping patterns are telling a unique story. It’s no secret that over the past year, everyone’s shopping habits changed drastically, but the biggest indicator that we are turning a corner comes from one place: pudding.

Instacart’s Pudding Pack Index is “an index for normalcy through the lens of groceries.” Apparently, typical lunchbox items that include pudding, fruit snacks and granola bars and how often they are being purchased serves as an indicator of just how “normal” things are. Keep reading to see how.

Instacart has broken the pandemic down into categories and compares how the sales of certain items coincided with normalcy.
  • April 2020: Sales for items in the index dropped 48% lower than pre-pandemic base levels.
  • Jun. 2020-Feb. 2021: Sales climbed to 20% below the pre-pandemic baseline
  • Mar.-Apr. 2021: The index climbed to the highest rate since the start of the pandemic.
  • May 2021: Index is just over 9% below the “normal” pre-pandemic rate.

The Pudding Pack Index serves as a barometer a return of normal, and we well on our way. “Parent or not — you should pay attention to the Pudding Pack Index,” says Laurentia Romaniuk, Instacart’s Trends Expert and Senior Product Manager. “When parents are adding pudding packs to their cart, it means they’re also starting to head back to the office, drop their kids off at school, and take vacations. Parents represent a cross-section of American culture on every level and when life is normal for parents, it’s normal for almost everyone else, too.”

Pudding, anyone?

––Karly Wood

Feature photo: ToscaWhi via iStock

 

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Michelle Major

photo via Michelle Major

Once upon a time, there was a girl who dreamed of living near the mountains. Spoiler alert: That girl was me, and although I spent the first twenty-one years of my life in Ohio, mountains always called to me. After graduating college, I pointed my car west, found a job on a dude ranch in southern Colorado and set about making my dreams come true.

I didn’t expect those dreams to include becoming a romance author—at that point in my life I couldn’t even see far enough ahead in my future to believe I might be lucky enough to have kids and a family of my own. Then I met my future husband on a blind date, another Ohio transplant. I wasn’t exactly a spring chicken (at least that’s what my mother-in-law told me) so shortly after the wedding, I got pregnant. At the same time I discovered the romance genre and was immediately hooked on the stories of hope and heart (along with all those hot heroes). I figured that becoming an author would be the perfect career for a mom. My sweet babies would sleep through the night and nap on a schedule and give me plenty of time to perfect my craft.

For several years, I was lucky to have time to brush my teeth. Writing was done in fits and spurts during early morning sessions before the kids woke up. This doesn’t include the summer my son woke every day before five a.m. and we resorted to nailing black garbage bags to the outside of his windows every night just to grab an extra few morning minutes.

But here’s the thing—the more I struggled with rejections from editors and agents plus skin-shredding critiques from a pile of contest entries—the more committed I became to making my dream of being a published author a reality. Finally, when my younger daughter started kindergarten, I gave myself an ultimatum: get a book contract or go out and find another job. I’ve always worked. I like working. Being a mom was the hardest job I’ve ever had, but I wanted something for myself. Writing is it for me. And during winter break her kindergarten year, I received the amazing call from an agent who wanted to represent me. Shortly after, she sold my first book to Harlequin.

From there, life became a balancing act. The great thing about being an author is the flexibility to work when you want and where you want. The other thing about being an author is that it’s often a more than full time job. Books to write, to edit, social media, promotions, research, reader events—all the things. All the things I love but what I love even more is being available when my kids need me. That has been the great gift of writing and the reason I’m so committed to getting up at five every morning and carrying my laptop with me everywhere I go. I can’t count the number of words I’ve written at swim meets, in carpool lines, lacrosse games, volleyball tournaments (I’m currently sitting in the high school parking lot waiting for practice to end). I make it work, but there have been sacrifices. Hello, cute wardrobe for the social life I used to have, I’m looking at you.

My son leaves for college this fall, and one of the gifts of this wild year has been being home with him. Yes, I’m home tapping furiously while he and my daughter are in class. And sometimes it’s not easy to write a hot love session when the sounds of a group of kids wreaking havoc in the kitchen is my background music, but writing has given me the best of both worlds. Plus my kids have seen me do something for myself—they’ve watched the high points and the low points but they know their mom works hard for happiness. So to any other moms or dads out there who have a dream but worry about how it will affect your kids, I’m here to tell you that you can make it work. You can have your dream and you can be a parent and both you and your kids will be better for it. Even if it takes years to get there. And if you need someone to believe in you, I’m that person. Just know that I’m here to believe in you until you can believe in yourself.

Michelle Major is the USA Today bestselling author of over forty sexy and sweet contemporary romances. She loves second-chances love stories, smart heroines and strong heroes. A Midwesterner at heart, she’s made the Rocky Mountains her home for nearly half her life and is thrilled to share her books with readers.

For a lot of parents, the idea of becoming a step-parent would be out of the question. But for many others, when the love for a partner and their kids is so great, you don’t question your love—you solidify it.

My journey as a step-parent probably sounds the same as many others. Step-parents are widely portrayed as evil, self-serving people who have an agenda of pain and fear (thanks, Disney). A step-parent oftentimes becomes a scape-goat for issues and problems, when in reality, a lot of the personal or emotional problems probably existed prior to or after the bio-parents divorced or separated. 

Someone once called me a saint for marrying a man with three kids and taking on the role of caretaker. In reality, I’m getting just as much, if not more than I’m giving. I have been given a gift of having a beautiful family, and the opportunity to learn from and teach my kids mutually.

But before you decide if marrying someone with kids is in their or your best interest, maybe you should ask yourself some of the following questions. Marrying into a blended family does have it’s challenges, and in my experience, it’s worth it. But it might not be for everyone.

1. Do I love these children as if they were my own?

2. Do I have the capacity to care for these children as if they were my own?

3. Do I know that despite loving these children, they will always put their biological mom or dad first, even if that means being loyal to their mom or dad by bad-mouthing me?

4. Do I know that I don’t know all that happened before I was in the picture, and I will never know the whole story?

5. Am I willing to learn integrate new changes, while respecting there were “other” ways of doing things before I got into the picture?

6. Do I know that in their mom’s eyes, I will (likely) always be a source of contention?

7. Do I vow to put my family first?

8. Do I vow to love myself, even when criticized?

9. Will my spouse work alongside me in parenting the children?

10. Do I believe I can add value and purpose to these kids and my partner, as well as myself?

11. Do I accept that my beloved husband or wife must maintain a healthy relationship (or try to) with his ex-spouse?

If I had the choice, I wouldn’t trade my family for anything in the world. Blended families are extremely hard, but I’m not sure raising a “non-blended” family is all that much easier. People are people and that means we are all different and we must all have patience and desire to work together.

This post originally appeared on MomsCandidConversations.ca.

Hi, I'm Deanna. Mom and step-parent and I'm dedicated to positively contributing to the parenting community! 

SpongeBob SquarePants fans rejoice! The beloved Bikini Bottom star is the subject of a MONOPOLY game—and it’s about to go viral.

MONOPOLY: SpongeBob SquarePants Meme Edition is available right now. Unlike the traditional MONOPOLY game, players don’t buy hotels, railroads or utilities in this version. Instead, it’s all about becoming Internet famous.

Photo: The Op Games 

The Meme Edition of this MONOPOLY game features six custom-sculpted tokens—Bubbles with Bubblewand, Mermaidman’s Belt Buckle, Squidward’s Clarinet, SpongeBob’s Spatula, a Krabby Patty and Jellyfish. To play the game you need to buy, sell and trade Internet famous images of SpongeBob and his BFFs from Bikini Bottom.

Forget about Houses and Hotels. In this edition, you’ll build Posts and create Collections! Keep playing to get Likes and bankrupt the other players. MONOPOLY: SpongeBob SquarePants Meme Edition also replaces the tried and true Community Chest cards with Comments and Shares.

This game is intended for two to six players ages eight-years and up. Find MONOPOLY: SpongeBob SquarePants Meme Edition here for $39.99.

—Erica Loop

 

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