Say it with us, “I’m going easy on myself today”

Parenting is no walk in the park, and sometimes it feels like the cards are stacked against us: work, dealing with tantrums (be it your toddler or tween), laundry, inflation on just about everything. That’s why it is more important than ever to offer some positive reinforcement… to yourself! We talked to the experts and came up with 15 positive affirmations to write down, display, or pull out on the days or in the moments when you need a lift.

Why positive affirmations can make you a better parent

We asked renowned parenting expert Reena B. Patel why positive affirmations matter. Patel, who is also a licensed educational psychologist, board-certified behavior analyst, and the author of Winnie & Her Worries, reminds us that positive affirmations are rooted in positive psychology. “Positive, simple statements help shift your focus away from perceived failures and direct your focus toward your strengths,” says Patel. “We believe and act upon what we think, thus leading to self-fulfilling prophecies if we focus only on what we are not good at. There is power in positive thinking. Positive emotions are linked with better health, longer life, and greater well-being.”

Patel also suggests that, whenever possible, parents try to state their affirmation while looking at themselves in the mirror, and by saying the statement multiple times a day (at least three is ideal). Use positive “I’ statements and place a visual of the words in an area that you can see daily as a reminder, she adds.

1. I am a good parent. It’s easy to criticize ourselves and focus on how we think we’re failing as a mom or dad. But parenting is tough, and we’re all doing the best we can. Acknowledge that fact, and tell yourself out loud, every day, that you’re a good parent.

2. Loving myself is the greatest gift I can give to my child. Kids are sponges and they learn from us. So if your kiddos know you appreciate yourself, they will learn to love themselves. That’s one of the greatest gifts we can give our kids.

3. I’m not perfect. We all know that nobody is perfect. But we place a big expectation on ourselves as parents to be pretty close to it. Repeating that mantra is a great reminder that it’s okay to be human, not to be perfect.

4. I can only control myself. It’s so hard, but one of the best ways to help kids grow emotionally is to exhibit mature behavior. Debbie Pincus, MS LMHC, says, “When we react emotionally to our kids and lose control, we’re allowing our kids to determine how we behave rather than the other way around.” Next time your kid throws a massive fit, try to stay calm and see what happens.

5. I am willing to learn and grow. Patel reminds us that it is critical to embrace change and growth, even when things seem tough. After all, it’s what we’d tell our kids, right?
6. Today is a new day. It’s easy to focus on how yesterday was a bad day. Sanah Rizvi, the founder of The Psych Way, suggests shifting the self-talk to focus on how every day is a chance to make progress toward what you want and the person you want to be.

7. I’m doing the best I can do. At the end of the day, that’s all we can do. Repeating that mantra every day will help you accept it as truth.

8. I make good decisions for my kids. This positive affirmation is a tough one to remember, especially when little ones are very vocal about making their displeasure with our decisions known. Parent Trust points out that moms and dads know they’re making the right choices for their kids. Embrace it and repeat the statement to yourself as a reminder.

9. I’m going easy on myself today. Permit yourself to take it easy. Say it out loud and grow comfortable with the idea.

10. It’s okay to ask for help, and what’s more, I deserve it. It’s time to take control of your needs and be OKAY with asking for help. You’ll be surprised to find out how many people are willing to step up if you just ask them.

11. Parenting is exhausting. Every parent knows this statement to be true. Writer Lauren Tamm suggests repeating this mantra as a reminder that taking care of kids is hard work. No wonder we’re so tired at the end of the day!

12. I am loved. Motherhood can be a thankless job, and little ones aren’t known for their compliments. Parent coach and family therapist Nicole Schwarz reminds moms that even though their kids may not say it, they really do feel that way. You just may need to put words to it.

13. I am what my kiddo needs. At the end of the day, there’s nothing else that’s as true as that statement.

14. It won’t always be like this. The one thing we know for sure is that hardships always pass. From colicky babies to navigating social media with tweens, one day, you’ll find yourself on the other side.

15. I do not need to compare. ” I know my kids the best, and comparisons do not serve me. If I notice myself comparing, I will quickly let it go,” Patel says. And that’s a lead worth following.

—with additional reporting by Leah Singer

The birthstone for January is the garnet, which represents love and friendship

People born in January are more than just “new year babies” or “winter babies.” According to some studies, they tend to end up in creative or health professional fields and they often stay healthy as they grow up. And, January babies share their special month with many famous people born in January. Does your little one have some of these traits or any that are related to their horoscope? Find out what 2024 has in store for them here. 

People Born in January Are Often Creative and Have Good Problem Solving Skills

people born in January usually have good problem-solving skills
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Sorry, Caps. This one's for the Aquarians. According to a small study, January and February are the right months to be born if you want to be famous. And in this case, "fame" extends well beyond actors on the A-List—we're talking politicians, athletes, scientists, authors, singers, humanitarians, etc. Perhaps this shouldn't be that surprising, given that those born in January and February tend to be more creative and possess higher problem-solving skills.

January Babies Are Smart

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Scientists monitored the development of 21,000 boys and girls, and their research indicates winter-born kids measured longer at birth, were taller and heavier by age seven and had higher scores in a series of intelligence exercises than their peers.

Related: 8 Fun Facts about People Born in February

People Born in January Babies Lean Towards Medicine as a Profession

lots of people born in January end up in the medicial profession
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Get ready for the college long haul, January parents. According to a study conducted in the UK, kids born in the first month of the year become doctors more than kids born in the other months of the year. 

January's Birthstone Is about Love and Friendship

people born in January have a garnet as their birthstone
Wikimedia Commons

The birthstone for January is the garnet, which represents love and friendship. Garnets also have ties to Greek mythology by way of the pomegranate. When Hades, the god of the underworld, took Persephone from the surface world, she was told not to eat any food in the dark realm. However, she ate six pomegranate seeds and therefore had to remain in the underworld for six months every year. The change from winter to spring was explained as Persephone's return to the surface. This is also why the garnet stands for the return of a loved one. 

Related: Why People Born in March Are Natural-Born Leaders (According to Studies)

January Baby Names Can Be Inspired by the Zodiac, the Winter Season or New Beginnings

people born in January, like this baby, are happy
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There are lots of different sources of inspiration when it comes to naming your January baby! Consider naming your baby after the season, Capricorn or Aquarius, or even new beginnings for the new year. Some of our favorites include Sophie, Zane, Kiara, Janus, Onyx, and Ione. See Nameberry's entire list of January baby names here.

Famous People Born in January

Bradley Cooper
Wikimedia Commons

January babies share their special month with plenty of famous people, too. Bradley Cooper, Robert Duvall, Diane Keaton, Morris Chestnut, Eddie Redmayne, Mary J. Blige, Issa Rae, Jason Bateman, and Regina King are only a few of the celebrities born in January. 

Contact your state elections office or just ask a friendly poll worker about rules and limitations on bringing your children along with you to the voting booth

Election Day is almost here and…well, maybe you have a preschooler, toddler, or newborn in tow. Now what? Um, go ahead and bring your kid with you to vote! Yep, that’s right. Take your pint-sized politician (in the future sense, of course) into the booth.

Many parents wonder if they’re legally allowed to bring their children with them into the voting booth. Even though this civic duty is a highly private one, the government allows minor children to accompany their voting parents in every state. That said, some states have their own laws setting maximum ages for kids who can come into the voting booth.

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Related: How to Steer Kids Through a Divisive Political Season

Don’t worry, your kindergarten kiddo can still go with you. States that do have age restrictions have set limits that are well into the teenage years. But keep in mind that each state has different rules, so ask questions and be prepared. In Virginia, for example, only children 15 years old and younger are allowed in the booths, according to NBC News. The same goes for Connecticut. But in California and other states, parents can bring along any minor under the age of 18.

If you’re not sure what the legal maximum age for a child accompanying a parent into a voting booth is, just ask. Call your state’s elections office before you go, or just ask the helpful friendly faces at your local polling place when you arrive. Go in knowing that every. single. state. in the country allows parents to bring their minor children into the voting booth with them, so if a poll worker turns you and your child away, remind them of their state’s laws not only dictating voting booth rules, but also voter suppression.

Along with age restrictions, some states also have total child maximums. Depending on your state, the law may limit the number of kids you bring into the booth to one or two. Again, always ask ahead of time. If you have three kids and your state only allows two, consider setting up an Election Day babysitting collective in your community or bring a friend with you to vote.

Related: Rock the Vote! Election Day Games for the Kids

Related: Things to Do with Your Family Instead of Talking Politics

Okay, so what happens if your toddler throws a tantrum while you’re waiting in line to vote? Disrupting the voting process is a no-no. If your child’s not-so-pleasant behavior is impeding others from voting, distracting them, or causing problems for the other voters, polling place helpers could ask you to leave. Hey, you can go back to vote later on—after the babysitter comes.

So here’s the big question, “Why should you bring your kids with you to vote?” Taking your kids into the voting booth gives them a chance to see democracy in action and encourages them to think critically about what’s in the news. According to a study by the University of Chicago, nearly half of young people aged 15 to 25 get news at least once a week from family and friends via Twitter or Facebook. And it can be difficult to tell fact from fiction. One of the study’s conclusions is: “Youth must learn how to judge the credibility of online information and how to find divergent views on varied issues.”

There’s no reason to wait until they’re 18 (and of legal voting age) to start talking about their civic rights and responsibilities. Going into the voting booth with mom or dad makes our country’s political process concrete and tangible for them, helping your young child to better understand it.

There you go—kids plus voting is a win-win situation. Happy voting!

with additional reporting from Erica Loop

Hilarious Halloween parenting memes and all that candy are only two things we love about October

Your kids have chosen their Halloween costumes (and then changed their minds 1,000 times), the candy has been bought and then restocked and then restocked again, and you’ve lined up all the best Halloween movies on Netflix. Now that you’re ready for the big night, it’s time to grab a mini-Snickers, relax, and laugh at these hilarious Halloween memes about parenting we’re sure you can relate to.

No judgment from us.

Must. Practice. Restraint.

One must always cover one’s tracks

Who’s in charge here??

When it comes to holiday decorations, reason goes out the window

I haven’t had my coffee. Don’t mess with me

 

It’s all about what’s available right now

Related: 41 Hilarious Parenting Memes to Get You Through the Day

This is an emergency!

Funny Halloween meme

And they wonder why we don't want to buy a costume in July

Funny Halloween meme
courtesy Sarcastic Mommy

Hey, no taxation without representation!

funny halloween meme
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And that's why we unfriended them

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It's just...not...fair!

funny halloween memes

We always tell our kids, "Practice makes perfect" 

funny halloween memes

No, you cannot substitute Bit-O-Honey

funny halloween memes

Wait, does anyone really have a perfect jack-o'-lantern pic?

Funny Halloween meme
Freshly Picked

If this is you, I don't think we can hang out anymore...

Finally, we're on trend!

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Related: Hilarious Potty Training Memes to Keep You Going when the Going Gets Rough

Guess you didn't get the last text, Fred...

Any red or white will work. Or beer. Just sayin'

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At least we're being honest with ourselves

Kids! They say the darnedest things!

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The good news is, Christmas candy!

How we all got here, pretty much

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And this is how you win parenting, folks

Because reward charts work so well

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Don't even get us started on Christmas

Just modeling good behavior for our kids

Well, that's just despicable!

It's called "Sugar-Induced Memory Loss," it's a thing!

 

 

 

Sleepovers can be scary for both kids and parents the first time. Our guide will help you get through the night

There comes a time when camping in the living room with Mom and Dad will no longer cut it. If that’s the case, your kids might be ready for their first sleepover. But, like any new milestone, you may worry if it’s the right time to send them to a slumber party. There are no hard and fast rules about the right age for sleepovers: some 6-year-olds might be ready to sleep away from home, and some 11-year-olds might not be. So parents need to assess each opportunity individually. Read on for six signs your kids may be ready for sleepovers or an epic slumber party and 10 things to say that’ll reassure them that everything will be A-OK once they get there.

1. They Know What to Expect

Your kid’s first sleepover is a fun rite of passage, but make sure she knows exactly what she’s getting into before she heads out the door. Go over specifics, like navigating the bedtime routine at someone else’s house, and answer all the questions, like whether or not she can still bring her favorite stuffed animal.

2. You’ve Tested It Out

If you’re not quite sure your child is ready for a full-fledged slumber party away from home, try it at your house first. This way, you can see if the kids tire of one another or begin to fight with one another. Also, you can opt to throw a “mock sleepover” with a movie, popcorn, and PJs, but call it quits just before bedtime. Then you’ll know you’ve worked your way up to the real deal, but everyone can go home and sleep in their beds!

Related: Why I’m Saying Yes To Sleepovers This Summer!

3. They’re OK without You

Have you ever had to spend the night away from your child? Perhaps they’ve had a babysitter walk them through brushing and bedtime or stayed with grandparents while you were out of town? If they are OK being away from you overnight, or at least until they fall asleep, they may be ready for their first sleepover.

4. You’ve Asked Questions

Perhaps your little one is thrilled about the pint-sized pajama game, but you’re still a little uneasy. There is nothing wrong with calling up the other parent and asking questions until you feel more comfortable. Everything from “What time will they go to bed?” to “Do you have pets?” are all fair game to calm your nerves. You’ll also want to address any concerns about how the parents handle situations like arguments or kids being scared at night. And don’t overlook the BIG question: are there guns in your house, and are they kept in a safe, secure place where the children (ANY children) will not have access to them? 

5. They’re Planning One

When your kids come home from school begging for a sleepover with their BFF, it’s a good indication that they’re ready to give it a go. On the flip side, if they seem cautious about the idea or worried about who will tuck them in, they may need more time to warm up to sleep away from home.

6. You’ve Talked to Your Kids About Inappropriate Touching

Part of feeling safe is being safe and making sure your children understand good etiquette at the host family’s house, but also what is appropriate and inappropriate behavior from the adults and older siblings. While we encourage our children to be polite and on their best behavior, it is equally important to speak frankly with children in a way that will empower them to say “no” and know when something just isn’t right.

tweens love sleepovers
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Here are 10 statements you can make to help your little one feel secure at their first sleepover:

  • “You can call me to say goodnight before you go to bed.”
  • “I will pick you up first thing in the morning.”
  • “You can take a picture of us with you.”
  • “We are only a phone call away.”
  • “You will have so much fun with your friend and we’ll see you in the morning.”
  • “[Friend]’s parents will be there in case you need anything.”
  • “You can bring your pillow, blanket, and stuffed animal with you.”
  • “We’ll be home if you need us.”
  • “I’m so proud of you and I want you to have fun with [friend]!”
  • “I can’t wait to hear all about it when you get home.”

And if all does not go according to plan and you need to dash out to pick up your child early, a simple “maybe next time!” can help them to feel a little less embarrassed about feeling homesick. Happy slumbering!

 

Stop saying things like “don’t be bossy”

What we say to girls matters. “Our daughters script their stories, at least partially, on how we write them,” says speaker and author Dr. Jody Carrington, Ph.D. “Showing them how we want them to show up in the world, while using words that empower them–like “leaders” who are kind and clear, confident, reflective, and responsible, is what they need from us, now more than ever.” While we need to know the phrases that empower the next generation of women, it’s also good to learn what NOT to say to your daughter. Here are the top phrases to eliminate from your parenting toolbox today.

1. Boys will be boys.

This old-fashioned response to a girl expressing her dislike of a boy's behavior is toxic. Girls should be taught from a young age that boys shouldn't get away with unacceptable actions due to their gender. Parents can show their daughters that they take these issues seriously by listening with empathy and taking steps to change the situation.

2. You got lucky. 

A Center for Creative Leadership study found that "nearly ½ of all women interviewed attributed their success to "luck" compared to only ⅓ of men." 

If we want girls to grow into women who own their achievements, we need to celebrate the work they put into achieving their goals. Did your girl ace her last test? Tell her you're proud of the way she studied for it. Did she learn a new song on the piano? Celebrate her commitment to regular practice. The more we connect girls' achievements to their efforts, the easier it will be for them to avoid impostor syndrome as adults.

boy and girl by a pond
Merritt Thomas via Unsplash

3. Stop being so bossy.

Telling a girl she's 'bossy' feeds into the stereotype that only boys get to be assertive and girls should be quiet and retiring. Instead, celebrate that she feels confident enough in her opinions to instruct others. Say something like, "You're so good at making plans for games! Remember that your game should be fun for everybody. Let your friend make some decisions too." This helps her hone those emerging leadership skills.

4. You would be a lot prettier if you smiled more.

This phrase implies that your daughter's feelings are less important than looking attractive to everyone else. If you're worried that your daughter's overall outlook on life is negative, find ways to discuss the issue without connecting it to her appearance or likeability. "Knowing that they are loved as they help with building self-belief and confidence, especially when others around them are being unkind," says Dr. Low. 

Discuss the long-term consequences of focusing on the negative in every situation. Negative people miss out on the good things in the world because they fail to notice them. Consider starting a gratitude journal with your daughter. Or have her tell you two positive things about a situation every time she says something negative. You'll not only help her notice the good details in life but also help her regulate the stories she tells herself.

 

Related: 10 Times Your Daughter Shouldn’t Say Sorry

'get the the point' is something you shouldn't say to your daughter
Sandra Seitamaa via Unsplash

5. Get to the point.

If your daughter shares details about her day-to-day life with you, consider yourself lucky. "Resilience researchers study kids that thrive despite difficult circumstances. These kids have one thing in common–a trusted adult that they believe loves them unconditionally," says Dr. Angela Low, Researcher at Child Health BC, part of the Provincial Health Services Authority of British Columbia. 

"Knowing that an adult has their back no matter what means that they have somewhere to go to seek advice and counsel, when life gets a little overwhelming, or when they make mistakes (as we all do)." Show you're there for her, even if you've heard enough about YouTube and TikTok to last a lifetime. Listen to her now so she will open up to you when it's crucial, later. If you absolutely can't listen right away, try saying this: "You're important to me, and I want to focus on what you have to say. Can you wait for me to finish this task so I can listen to you?"

6. Look how well your friend/sibling does XYZ. 

In this era of competitive parenting, you might find yourself looking at another child who is a better dancer, student, athlete, etc. But telling your child they don't do XYZ as well as another kid is harmful. It leads kids to feel "less than" which leads to low self-esteem, anxiety, and other issues. Remember, there's ALWAYS going to be someone who does something better than all of us, and it's better to point out their strengths or guide them to the things that interest them, not what might just look good in a social media feed. 

"you should go on a diet" is something you shouldn't say to your daughter, little girls eating ice cream
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7. You should go on a diet.

Want to know how to talk to your daughter about her weight? Don't. Instead, teach her how her body works and what types of food and exercise make her body healthy, strong, and well-nourished. Make sure she knows that the bodies she sees in magazines and social media have been digitally edited to achieve that look. Talk about society's pressures on women to look a certain way, even though bodies come in all shapes and sizes. 

Compliment her for the things her body can do. And make sure you talk about how proud you are of the things YOUR body can do. If she sees you loving your real-world body, it will be easier for her to develop a healthy relationship with food.

8. That's not for girls. 

It's the 21st century, y'all. Women are achieving amazing things in sports, business, and the sciences. Encourage your daughter to pursue her dreams regardless of whether her aspirations are in traditionally male-dominated areas or not. 

Worried that she may run across people who treat her unkindly because they don't think girls should apply? You can help her navigate any future challenging circumstances now. Connect her to training, sponsors, and networks that can support her goals. This will build her self-confidence and resilience as she pursues her ambitions.

—with additional reporting by Beth Shea

Sometimes, saying “I’m proud of you” can make all the difference

When you become a parent, you pick up the basics pretty quickly. It’s figuring out how to raise happy and confident kids that can be a challenge as the years go on. What we do know is that positive words for kids will go a long way to help boost their confidence and change their day for the better—sometimes it’s words of encouragement, and sometimes it’s just a simple “I love you.” In that spirit, here are 30 positive things to say to kids.

mom smiling at daughter
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1. You make me smile. Telling your kiddo they make you happy is one thing. But telling them they're the reason for your smile will give them happiness and a sense of pride that'll stick around all day.

2. Your words matter. The old saying "sticks and stones" isn't entirely accurate. Let your kids know that words have power.

3. Tell me one good thing that happened today. Focusing on the positive helps keep the bad stuff at bay.

4. Tell me one bad thing that happened today. It’s important to talk about the bad stuff too.

5. I'm proud of you for doing XYZ. When kids hear that someone is proud of them, it has a big impact on them. Think of one positive thing, and tell your little one about it.

Related: The Only 2 Things to Say to Your Kid after a Game

mom hugging her daughter
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6. Mistakes happen. Kids are a messy business, and they may ruin the nice stuff you own. But what's more important—material things (just keep the priceless china stashed away) or your kids knowing they can come to you when they make a mistake? That knowledge that you love them unconditionally goes a long way in life.

7. How are you? Asking your kiddo how she feels shows that you are interested in them. Brandi Russell, a pediatric occupational therapist, and parenting coach recommends checking in with your little ones just as you would a spouse or friend.

8. What would you do? This is a great response to kids always asking for help with things. Empower them while giving yourself a break. You may not think much of it now, but that empowerment goes a long way as they grow older.

9. What nice thing did you do or say today? Encourage kindness by reinforcing it daily.

10. Nothing will change my love for you. This phrase may seem self-evident, but sometimes kids need you to state the obvious. Rebecca Eans, the bestselling author of Positive Parenting, believes you can't go wrong with this loving reminder.

Related: 20 Empowering Things to Say to Your Daughter Every Day

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11. Don’t let mean people define who you are. There will always be bullies in life. This simple phrase helps kids know that negative voices are not the most important, and it's a lesson they can remember as they encounter difficult people as teens and adults.

12. I like it when you … Even when the kids are driving you crazy, there’s always at least one thing they did that made you smile.

13. Please. If we want respect as parents, then we need to show that same behavior to our kids. Dr. John DeGarmo, a national foster parent coach, advocates parents should always say "please" and "thank you" to model respectful behavior.

14. Clean up your toys, dishes, or whatever is left out. Encourage kids to take ownership of cleaning up their belongings, says Maureen Healy, author of Growing Happy Kids. Even if it’s just one or two items a day, it will help you in the long run.

15. That’s smart thinking. Sometimes hearing you’re smart is even more powerful than telling a kid she looks cute. That early feeling of being called intelligent is sometimes one of the memories kids remember most as they grow.

Related: 11 Important Things Dads Should Say to Their Sons

dad spending time with daughter
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16. I like you. Kids may hear the words “I love you” regularly, but do they know you like them too?

17. I’m proud of you. They know you love them. But do they know you’re proud of them too? Author, and clinical psychologist, Dr. Sherrie Campbell believes those words are just as important as affirmations of love to kids.

18. Thank you. Social skills and courtesy are important in the home and outside of it, and they are skills that go through adulthood.

19. I’m sorry. We all lose our temper or make mistakes. Dr. Alison Mitzner, a pediatric specialist, believes what’s important is how we react.

20. Just be yourself. Teach your kids they’re enough, and they never have to be anyone else.

Related: 10 Things to Say About Yourself in Front of Your Kid

mom and son starting the day with postivity
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21. I love being with you. Amy McCready is a parenting educator who believes encouraging words and phrases go a long way to help your kids feel safe and secure. Telling your little one how you love being with them is a great positive affirmation they'll never tire of hearing.

22. Do your best. It’s not about the result. It’s about how you get there.

23. Always tell the truth, even if it’s not great. The sooner kids know you’ll still love them after hearing the truth—even if it’s not great—the more truthful they’ll be as they grow.

24. I'm listening. What do you want to say? According to Katie Hurley, LCSW, 57% of girls say they don’t always tell their parents certain things because they don’t want their parents to think badly of them. Show your kids you do care what they have to say by demonstrating you want to listen to them share information with you.

25. You don’t have to eat it. It’s tough to deal with picky eaters. Instead of fighting with your kids to eat their veggies, give them the power to say no and be in control. But don’t provide an alternative meal choice or dessert either.

Related: 7 Things NOT to Say to Your Daughter

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26. You make me happy. Because everyone wants to feel like they matter to someone else.

27. I love you. They may be simple, but Jennifer Wolf, a PCI-certified parent coach, believes there's no substitute for these powerful words.

28. What do you think we should do today? Letting your kids have a say in the day's activities will do a lot to keep them feeling satisfied and valued for more than just a few hours.

29. You make a difference... in life, in the family, and at school. When kids hear they're important, they feel empowered and happier.

30. You were right. To let a child know when they were right (and maybe you were wrong) is empowering. 

 

 

One of my favorite Pixar movies is  “Up.” If you haven’t seen it, it’s a charming story about love, hardship, friendship, and adventure. The colorful scenes of floating houses, funny characters, and wild creatures keep the audience captivated until the sweet and unexpected ending.

One scene especially caught my attention early in the movie. It was when the two main characters, Carl and Russell, meet for the first time. Carl is a grumpy older man who lives alone in his house that wants to be left alone. Russell is an eager, optimistic young boy that wants to help Carl. Assisting Carl will help Russell earn the final badge on his sash to become a Senior Wilderness Explorer. In the scene, Russell knocks on Carl’s door repeatedly and relentlessly. This ends up really upsetting Carl, but Russell won’t give up until Carl is willing to accept his help.

I felt like I was watching a scene between my teenage daughter and me! However, in this case, the roles were reversed. My daughter was the grumpy one, and I was the one persistently offering help.

Let me explain. There was a time when my daughter wanted nothing to do with me. If you’re a parent of a teenager, you probably understand.

She would lock herself in her room, and the only time I saw her was when she was yelling at me or coming out to eat. Seeing a smile from her was rare, and every time I would hear her footsteps come down the hallway, I would be waiting with a hug and hoping for a smooth moment together. My hopes were usually dashed when instead of a hug, I was met with a glare. I felt helpless and rejected with every interaction.

It’s hard when a child that once attached to your hip is now hiding behind a slammed door.

In an article, Katie Malinski LCSW says, “Children who are acting in unloving ways are likely to themselves be feeling unloved, unwanted, not valuable, incapable, powerless, or hurt. The response those children need isn’t greater control or bigger punishments, they need understanding, compassion, and support for their growth. LOVE.” 

I wasn’t sure why she was acting the way she was, but I knew I wanted her to know I loved her unconditionally and that I would always be there for her.

Through the help of a parenting coach and a lot of research, I learned that her behavior had little to do with me, and it was most likely something she was going through. Dr. Cam Ph.D. is a popular Adolescent Psychologist and Family Success Coach. In one of her free resource guides, called 10 Secrets to Raising Teens she says, “It may be difficult to believe, but when your teen is giving you attitude, rolling her eyes at you, or asking you to drop her off a block away from her friend’s house, she still needs your support and approval more than ever.”

With that in mind, I decided not to take it personally, to put myself in her shoes, and to relentlessly pursue her.

I started putting encouraging notes on her bedroom door every morning. She tore them down. I would make her favorite foods and bring them to her room. I never got a thank you. I enlisted a trusted friend to drive her to her activities, so she had another adult to talk to. Sometimes she was silent. I always invited her to watch TV with me at the end of the day. She usually said no.

Like Russell in the movie “Up,” I often got a door slammed in my face, but much to my surprise, my relentless pursuit started to work. She eventually started coming out of her room and engaging with the family again. It took a while, but our relationship became even better than it was before her reclusive and grumpy behavior.

Now that we’re through that rough patch, I asked my daughter to help me understand what helped. This is what she told me.

1. Leaving notes on her door effectively spoke words of affirmation and love to her, which helped. According to her, it gave her space but also let her know I was there for her.

2. Having another trusted adult in my daughter’s life gave her space from me but gave her a safe person to talk to if she wanted to. My daughter felt safe enough to talk when she needed to.

3. When she did communicate with me, I would listen without judgment. According to her, this made her feel secure and comfortable.

4. She said by bringing food to her room instead of demanding, she come out of her room, it showed her that I respected her feelings. I met her where she was at instead of insisting on the opposite.

5. Inviting her on walks, to play family games, and watch TV, made her feel wanted even if she didn’t want to join.

Hearing these words from my daughter’s perspective made me feel like Russell did at the end of the movie.  During the heartwarming scene, Carl surprises Russell by showing up at the Wilderness Explorer ceremony and pinning Russell’s well-earned badge on his wilderness sash. The scene ends with a big hug and the two of them eating ice cream together. I know every parenting situation is not like the end of a Pixar movie, and I certainly haven’t earned any badges, but I do hope my story encourages you. If you’re experiencing similar issues, you’re not alone. I know how hard it is to raise a teenager. When your teenager is grumpy and wants to be left alone, be relentless and let your unconditional love shine through. The ending is worth it.

Related: Movies to See With Your Kids before They Turn 12

Jamie is married to her high school sweetheart and has three beautiful daughters. Through years of experience working with children, and raising her own, she knows how difficult parenting can be. She is an advocate for children's mental health and is best known for her creativity, optimism, and kind heart.

Living a couple of thousand miles from my immediate family means that I fly every year—with kids—on tiring flights. On multiple occasions, I’ve flown solo with kids. This summer, I flew alone with four kids aged 2, 4, 6, and 8. Last summer, I did it alone with each of those kids being a year younger. I’ve flown with sleeping newborns, squirmy nine-month-olds, and impossible eighteen-month-olds. On some flights, my kids have been surprisingly angelic. On others, I’ve fought with a loud, kicking toddler for four exhausting hours. Believe me, it’s not fun.

I’ve experienced the anxious, dreading sideline glances of passengers when they see young kids approaching their seats. I’ve witnessed the “huffing, puffing and mumbling.” Honestly, some people seem to be annoyed by the mere presence of kids, even when their behavior is just fine. Unfortunately, only on a small handful of occasions in the last decade of plane travel with kids has someone offered to help, and it’s usually been a kind-hearted passenger.

I know it’s annoying to listen to a young child whine or cry. I know it’s annoying when they talk loudly or get excited and yell (or in my two-year-old’s case, sing their heart out). I know there are a lot of business travelers on flights these days who expect to read, work or sleep the entire flight. But, fellow passengers, try to understand.

The planes my family travel on are public transportation just like buses or ferries or trains. I’m allowed to board them with my kids, and these flights are not designated silent zones. They are not even “adult-only” zones. I promise to do my best to get my kids to behave well during the flight. But I can’t promise you a silent flight, and you are not entitled to one.

If I see one of my kids kick your seat, I’ll get them to stop, but they might sneak one in anyway. My toddler sometimes gets excited and (like a normal child with exceptionally healthy lungs) screams out of joy, fear, excitement, whatever. If that happens, I’ll promptly remind her to use her “inside voice,” but she’s likely to forget at some point during the flight.

If my four-year-old drops a crayon or fruit snack and it somehow finds its way under your seat, let’s not treat it like a criminal offense, ok? If—heaven forbid—my toddler has ear pain because of the changes in air pressure, there might be some loud crying. They are kids, after all, and as hard as I’ve tried, I haven’t been able to get our two-year-old to act 21.

The human family we are all a part of consists of people of all ages. We need to bear with one another a little more. Children seem to have been largely pushed out of many public places, but they have every right to be there. Please don’t treat my kids like they don’t belong on your flight. I know you have important places to go. So do we. My kids need to see their grandparents.

So dear fellow passenger: as long as you’re not hiring private jets and we find ourselves on the same flight, let’s make a deal.  I’ll do my very best—I promise—to have my kids behave well on our shared flight. I’m prepared. I have snacks, activities, iPads, patience, and stamina. But my best efforts can’t 100 percent ensure total serenity.

You do your very best to welcome them on the flight and overlook minor outbursts in their otherwise-good behavior. Oh, and if you see me struggling under the weight of a toddler, diaper bag, purse, carry-on case, and stroller, feel free to be an everyday hero and offer to help with a smile. See you on our next flight.

I'm a wife and mom (to six) who's also a freelance writer in between the craziness of family life. I love the outdoors, reading, cooking and snuggling with the littles. I write to share my thoughts about the things that capture my attention - family, faith, education, health and life.