ML Interest Tag: better-understand

Can You Bring Your Kid with You to the Voting Booth? What Voters Need to Know

by Dhyana Levey

Contact your state elections office or just ask a friendly poll worker about rules and limitations on bringing your children along with you to the voting booth

Election Day is almost here and…well, maybe you have a preschooler, toddler, or newborn in tow. Now what? Um, go ahead and bring your kid with you to vote! Yep, that’s right. Take your pint-sized politician (in the future sense, of course) into the booth.

Many parents wonder if they’re legally allowed to bring their children with them into the voting booth. Even though this civic duty is a highly private one, the government allows minor children to accompany their voting parents in every state. That said, some states have their own laws setting maximum ages for kids who can come into the voting booth.

can you take your kids into the voting booth
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Related: How to Steer Kids Through a Divisive Political Season

Don’t worry, your kindergarten kiddo can still go with you. States that do have age restrictions have set limits that are well into the teenage years. But keep in mind that each state has different rules, so ask questions and be prepared. In Virginia, for example, only children 15 years old and younger are allowed in the booths, according to NBC News. The same goes for Connecticut. But in California and other states, parents can bring along any minor under the age of 18.

If you’re not sure what the legal maximum age for a child accompanying a parent into a voting booth is, just ask. Call your state’s elections office before you go, or just ask the helpful friendly faces at your local polling place when you arrive. Go in knowing that every. single. state. in the country allows parents to bring their minor children into the voting booth with them, so if a poll worker turns you and your child away, remind them of their state’s laws not only dictating voting booth rules, but also voter suppression.

Along with age restrictions, some states also have total child maximums. Depending on your state, the law may limit the number of kids you bring into the booth to one or two. Again, always ask ahead of time. If you have three kids and your state only allows two, consider setting up an Election Day babysitting collective in your community or bring a friend with you to vote.

Related: Rock the Vote! Election Day Games for the Kids

Related: Things to Do with Your Family Instead of Talking Politics

Okay, so what happens if your toddler throws a tantrum while you’re waiting in line to vote? Disrupting the voting process is a no-no. If your child’s not-so-pleasant behavior is impeding others from voting, distracting them, or causing problems for the other voters, polling place helpers could ask you to leave. Hey, you can go back to vote later on—after the babysitter comes.

So here’s the big question, “Why should you bring your kids with you to vote?” Taking your kids into the voting booth gives them a chance to see democracy in action and encourages them to think critically about what’s in the news. According to a study by the University of Chicago, nearly half of young people aged 15 to 25 get news at least once a week from family and friends via Twitter or Facebook. And it can be difficult to tell fact from fiction. One of the study’s conclusions is: “Youth must learn how to judge the credibility of online information and how to find divergent views on varied issues.”

There’s no reason to wait until they’re 18 (and of legal voting age) to start talking about their civic rights and responsibilities. Going into the voting booth with mom or dad makes our country’s political process concrete and tangible for them, helping your young child to better understand it.

There you go—kids plus voting is a win-win situation. Happy voting!

with additional reporting from Erica Loop

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4 Ways to Get Your Daughter to Stop Saying “I’m Fine” (When She Isn’t)

By Lindsay Sealey

I hear “I’m fine” a lot throughout my days. If you are a parent of a pre-teen girl, I am sure that you do, too.

“How are you?”

“I’m fine.”

“Do you want any help?”

“No, I’m fine.”

“You seem really upset. Let’s talk.”

“I said, I’m fine.”

It’s hard to be shut out like this and left on the outside of her experiences, helpless and defeated.

One thing I’ve learned and what I know for sure about girls is this: “I’m fine” could mean she’s fine but rarely does. “I’m fine” can mean “I don’t want to talk about it.” “I’m fine” can mean “I’m okay but I could be better.” “I’m fine” can mean “I really want to tell you but I just don’t know how.” And “I’m fine” can mean “I will talk about it but not right now.” Thus, “I’m fine” has become the secret code for what’s really going on for her and a code we must try to crack (carefully and with all the empathy we can muster).

If we imagine being a teen girl (just for a minute), this response makes sense: She wants to be independent of us and figure life out on her own. A pre-teen is all about keeping up her appearance of “I’ve got this.” She also wants to safeguard herself from, well, us: our judgment, our advice, and sometimes our unintentional intrusion. These words are automatic, unrehearsed responses to our queries and they do the job—they keep us at bay from what she’s really feeling and her true inner experience.

What’s a parent to do when your eyes tell you she needs your help and yet her words tell you she is just fine without you? Here are some ideas for you to try to get more from her “I’m fine” and help her to shift to “I feel.”

Be aware of your tone of voice.

Girls are super sensitive to variations in tone of voice. Did you know girls can hear a wider spectrum of emotional tone in another’s voice than boys can? And that their detection becomes even greater with the hormonal changes that accompany adolescence? (You can read more about that in The Female Brain by Louann Brizendine.)

So if we come to her with anything but genuine sincerity and care, she will feel it and not want to talk. Try to use warm words of kindness with phrases such as, “This must be hard for you…” and “It seems like there is something on your mind. I’d really love to hear about it and simply listen to you.”

Change your questions to get different answers.

We all fall into the trap of asking these two expected questions: “How are you today?” and “How was your day?” which set us up for the inevitable responses of “fine” and “good.” Think about asking more creative, out-of-the-box questions, such as “What was the best part of your day?, “What are you most proud of accomplishing,” or “If you had a chance to redo any part of your day, which part would you choose to do over?”

Give her space.

Her worry is our worry—this is called parenting. I know many parents who want to force conversations and answers because they care so much. But pushing her to talk about our timing when she’s not ready can be damaging to the relationship and may just lock the door on future conversations.

If she wants to take her time and decompress after a busy day, allow her to do just that. Reassure her you want to talk and let her know when you’ll be around. If you can, even plant the seed of connection by conveying to her you are up for a walk to get ice cream or you’d love to watch a movie on Netflix with her for some relaxation (and who knows, maybe the conversation will emerge naturally).

Help her find her words.

When she’s ready to talk, help her tell her story by giving her the words she needs. It’s hard for her to articulate what’s happening internally, and she may benefit from your suggestions. “Today, I noticed…” “This made me feel…” “I feel this way because…” and “This is what I need…” These prompts may just get her talking to you, and in the future, she may be able to find these words on her own.

We know it’s not always easy to be a growing girl, and “I’m fine” is a quick way to cover up the challenges of her day. Yet, when we help her move beyond that phrase to truly express herself, we are emboldening her with the confidence and competence that comes with self-expression. At the same time, we are learning to better understand what’s really on her mind.

Originally published April 2020.

I am a girl advocate and girls champion; the founder of Bold New Girls, teaching and coaching for girls and their parents. As well, I am the author Growing Strong Girls and Rooted, Resilient, and Ready (available on Amazon and Audible). I am an international speaker and an instructor with Udemy. 

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Helping Kids & Teens Understand Alzheimer’s Disease

By Kara Reynolds

Photo: Storyblocks

When a grandparent, parent or older relative has Alzheimer’s disease, it affects everyone, including the kids. One second, they might recognize the children. The next, they’re calling them a stranger and blaming them for stealing the car keys. This emotional rollercoaster can easily confuse and frighten kids—just as it would an adult.

In those moments, you can provide comfort by helping them better understand Alzheimer’s and how the disease will change their relationship with the affected relative.

1. Explain the Disease
When you receive a diagnosis or your relative with Alzheimer’s moves in with you, you’ll want to explain the disease to your kids. Share the signs and symptoms and ask them if they’ve noticed these red flags in their loved one. Maybe the warning signs have been there for a while.

Explain that one in nine people age 65 and older has Alzheimer’s to reassure them they aren’t alone. There are kids just like them with affected family members who are experiencing similar emotions.

2. Anticipate & Encourage Questions
After sharing all of this new information, it’s only natural that your little ones would have questions, so do your research before having a conversation. Prepare to answer inquiries about the prognosis, the risk of other family members contracting the disease and how their symptoms might progress.

If your child shuts down and withdraws from the person with Alzheimer’s, gently begin a conversation about their response. Be an active listener and encourage them to share their emotions. Then, be a little vulnerable and share your feelings to encourage an open line of communication.

3. Be Honest & Concise
Of course, you may want to refrain from going into detail when explaining the disease and answering questions. Besides, there’s no reason to share a grim prognosis or startling new discoveries about your loved one’s health. These details will only scare younger kids and leave them with more questions than answers. Therefore, it’s best to keep your answers simple and concise. Be honest but don’t overshare. Your child could use some hope right now, not more reason to worry.

4. Prepare for Changes
Unfortunately, the symptoms of Alzheimer’s will progress and worsen over time. Even if a loved one seems completely normal today, they may be confused again tomorrow. If this relative is living with your family and the emotional rollercoaster becomes too much, you may choose to move them into an assisted living residence. There, they can enjoy therapy, sensory stimulation and other engaging activities.

These changes can happen more quickly than anyone can anticipate, so it’s best to prepare your kids before they occur. Talk about potential moves, developments and next steps ahead of time and answer any questions your children might have.

5. Validate Feelings
Another important part of helping kids and teens understand Alzheimer’s disease is validating their emotions. Your children could experience guilt, shame, sadness, anger, confusion and other emotions, and all of them are authentic and understandable. Get to the bottom of their feelings and normalize them by asking questions, stating facts and being genuine about your own feelings.

Most important, practice being present during these conversations. Get on your kid’s level, make eye contact and be with them at that moment. Once they express themselves, they’ll feel better and maybe even a little optimistic about the situation.

6. Plan Bonding Time
Sometimes, your little one will feel awkward around those with Alzheimer’s. In this case, it’s plan family activities to help them feel connected and comfortable. First, plan short outings or activities as an entire family so your child has time to adjust to being around the person with Alzheimer’s. Then, you can begin planning more one-on-one bonding time.

Plan a baking day and have your loved one teach the next generation how to make a special pastry or traditional family recipe. Get artsy and let the two paint together. You might even let them watch reruns of old shows or listen to old-timey music together. These activities will provide common ground for them to reconnect and make precious memories.

7. Teach Patience
It’s relatively common for kids to become impatient with grandparents or other relatives with Alzheimer’s disease. After all, frequently repeating yourself and keeping track of things for someone else can be a bit frustrating at times.

Show your kids a little grace when they react angrily or voice their displeasure. Then, teach them to be patient in future scenarios. Talk about what might happen or how they might feel if grandpa forgets where he put the remote again. Going through potential scenarios might help them respond more carefully next time.

Family Is Forever
The most heartbreaking question you might hear from your kids is “Will they forget about me?” Sadly, this is a very real possibility. However, in these moments, it’s best to remind your little one that, while their grandparent may not recognize them sometimes, they can certainly feel love. The two generations will always hold one another in their hearts because family is forever. When you’re all having a rough day, hold onto that truth.

RELATED: Easy Ways to Stay Connected to Grandparents from a Distance

Kara Reynolds is the Editor-in-Chief and founder of Momish Magazine.  A mom of four and matriarch to her big blended family, Kara wants nothing more than to normalize differences in family structures.  She enjoys peeing alone, pancakes, and pinot noir - but not at the same time. 

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Incredible Products Helping Kids Adjust to Pandemic Life

By Kara Reynolds

The pandemic has been challenging for everyone. With a sudden stop of everything normal, people young and old have had to adjust to the new normal. One of the most challenging things for parents may have been trying to explain COVID-19 to their children.

It’s a confusing time, and there’s no easy way to tell your kids they can no longer see their friends or family. You’ve had to explain that they have to wear a mask, wash their hands often and sanitize. The new normal really isn’t normal at all. However, to stay safe and healthy, your kids have to adjust to pandemic life.

Once people began to learn more about the virus, companies developed toys, books and other items to help children better understand everything that was going on. Now, there are so many incredible products helping kids adjust to pandemic life.

If you’re still trying to find ways to teach your children about COVID-19 and help them adjust, then take a look at these items.

“COVID-19 Helpers”

Many authors wrote books for children to teach them about the pandemic through a story. Age-appropriate books are a great way to provide information to children about a challenging topic. The book “COVID-19 Helpers” quickly became one of the more popular ones. The story is written by Beth Bacon and illustrated by Kary Lee.

“COVID-19 Helpers” won the grand prize for a contest that invited writers and illustrators to write an eBook. The book had to provide accurate information, and it had to be age-appropriate for kids six to nine years old. Additionally, it had to assure the reader that they would be safe thanks to medical professionals and other workers and that it is okay to feel upset.

The winning book describes what COVID-19 is, how it spreads through populations, and what people are doing to keep everyone safe. Plus, it reminds children that they, too, are part of the fight against the pandemic.

WelloBeez

Another great product to help children get used to pandemic life is WelloBeez. Wearing masks is necessary for mitigating the spread of the coronavirus. It’s a healthy habit, but just like with any other healthy habit, kids aren’t always on board, or they don’t understand why something like wearing a mask is essential for their health.

WelloBeez are plush animals made out of antimicrobial materials that are durable and resist both odors and stains. They maintain their freshness and cleanliness for a while after you wash them. Besides their antimicrobial material, WelloBeez are a great companion for your kids.

One of the types of WelloBeez are Mask Mates. Mask Mates come wearing a mask, and they also provide a child-sized mask for your kid. It makes wearing masks less frightening. Plus, your child will want to match the WelloBeez animal!

“Together: Living Life During COVID-19”

Another excellent book that has helped kids adjust to life during a pandemic is “Together: Living Life During COVID-19.” It was part of the same contest where “COVID-19 Helpers” won. Although this illustrated book didn’t win the prize, it still has been impactful in helping children understand the global outbreak of coronavirus.

The story is from the perspective of a young girl named Olivia. She learns what the coronavirus is and how she can protect others from getting it, like wearing a mask and washing her hands. Olivia also learns why her life seemed to flip upside down overnight.

The book was written by Kevin Poplawski, who is a healthcare provider. He got the inspiration to write this book from the millions of questions asked by his children. It’s a safe space to deal with emotions and helps other children know that everyone is going through the same thing—otherwise known as pandemic life.

My Home Office Set

Almost every business went to remote work once the pandemic hit. People were left at home without office equipment. Maybe you were one of those parents who had to scramble for a desk and a chair! In addition to having to work from home, you’ve had to take care of your children.

Your children were probably wondering why you couldn’t go to work anymore. Through observations, they noticed you taking Zoom calls, wearing a headset, having to work on your laptop and never failed to have a cup of coffee. As you know, kids take after adult actions.

Fisher-Price developed My Home Office set, which includes all of those items! Your child can “work from home” right beside you. This product has allowed children to better understand that you have work to do and can’t always play when you’re home. Through pretend office work, your child can stay busy!

How Have Your Kids Adjusted to Pandemic Life?

You’ve done a great job at helping your children understand what it means to be part of a pandemic. This event will surely make history, and it’s essential to guide your children into healthy and safe practices during this time of their life.

Many other products, like fun face masks and shields and sanitizer dispensers, allow children to build healthy habits that are also enjoyable. Use these products as ways to help your kids further!

Kara Reynolds is the Editor-in-Chief and founder of Momish Magazine.  A mom of four and matriarch to her big blended family, Kara wants nothing more than to normalize differences in family structures.  She enjoys peeing alone, pancakes, and pinot noir - but not at the same time. 

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YouTube Originals Premieres New Election Special for Families

by Jennifer Swartvagher

YouTube is giving families the tools to better understand and talk about civic engagement and the democratic process with their children. Kid Correspondent – a new four-part election special was just launched on YouTube and YouTube Kids. Part 1 and 2 are free-to-stream today and part 3 and 4 will premiere  on Mon., Oct. 26 at 9 a.m. PT / 12 p.m. ET on the SoulPancake channel. 

Kid Correspondent will also be available on YouTube Originals for Kids & Family channel and the YouTube Kids app.

Kid Correspondent, from SoulPancake, is an inquiry-based kids and family program from the creators of Kid President. The 4-part special features Riah and a crew of correspondents that find inspiration in the democratic process and learn life lessons like how to have healthy disagreements, or how to use a decision tree to make the tough decisions kids are thinking about. 

Kid Correspondent

Kid Correspondent will also feature guest appearances from celebrities and YouTube Creators including Kristen Bell, Mandy Moore, Rainn Wilson, Soledad O’Brien, Robin Roberts, Lisa Loeb, Rosanna Pansino and more. This is the second program that launched this month as part of YouTube’s work to help users access helpful, authoritative voting-related information. YouChoose 2020  premiered Oct. 6. 

Kid Correspondent is the latest addition to Participants Vote, Participant’s yearlong civic engagement campaign designed to deepen understanding of different forms of civic engagement and seed critical conversations around participating in the democratic process. Participant is the leading media company dedicated to entertainment that inspires audiences to engage in positive social action.

—Jennifer Swartvagher

Featured photo: YouTube Originals

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4 Ways to Empower Girls to Speak & Care About Racism

By Lindsay Sealey

Photo: shutterstock.com

It’s been months now since your daughter’s social media feeds have been flooded with horrific images, posts, and stories about racism. In the midst of a global pandemic, we are witnessing senseless police brutality against black people, protests, marches, and social unrest.

In my perhaps naïve attempt to promote social awareness, my conversations with girls, honestly, were disappointing. As I passionately talked about black lives mattering, systemic racism, and white privilege, specifically the murder of George Floyd and then the incident when Amy Cooper called the police on a black man in a public park as retaliation for asking her to put her dog on a leash (as is required by the park rules), girls seemed clueless, apathetic, and disinterested. Some even told me they just didn’t understand why we needed to talk about race much. What I needed them to know—that for many, not talking about it, is not an option because it’s a daily lived experience. We need to teach them how to care.

It can be uncomfortable and difficult to talk about racism. I know your instincts may be guiding you to steer clear of the topic altogether if you don’t know where to begin. Yet, now, more then ever, we need to talk to our girls about racism as a social construct and a collective responsibility. At the same time, we need to motivate them to take steps to be part of creating change. 

Navigating race is complicated and conversations depend on socioeconomic class, educational background, family makeup, community, and life experiences. There’s no “one way” or “right way” to talk about race, but all parents need to know this: Girls need to start having these conversations in order to become more aware of their unconscious biases, their privilege, and their own actions (or inactions).

If you are ready to begin, here is what you can do to empower her to become an intelligent and racially aware young woman, an ally for the oppressed, and an advocate for social justice.

1. First, set the example: check yourself and your own beliefs, biases, and prejudices. We all have them. I know it’s a big ask—to look at yourself in the mirror but it is required. Take an honest inventory of what you think about different races, how you treat people, and, yes, even the stereotypes you may hold as well as any racial slurs in your vernacular. In short, be aware of your racial tendencies. It is imperative that you check yourself and apologize when you misspeak or misstep. She needs to see that you are being real with her and she needs to see that you are holding yourself accountable if you do offend someone with the ability to say, “I’m sorry.”

2. Talk about race, often, and don’t ignore it. They see differences and they learn early to sort people into categories—boy or girl, tall or small, and, yes, black or white—there is no such thing as being “color blind.” With this natural categorization, we can talk about diversity and, by extension, inequality—the fact that not all people are treated fairly. In fact, many cultures are mistreated because of the color of their skin. Differences exist and so does racism. Let’s talk about how various ethnicities have diversified experiences. Let’s talk about why. Let’s encourage her to intentionally seek out diversity in her own social circles and celebrate races, to better understand different stories and perspectives—this can bring her closer to getting to the similarities—that all humans want and deserve love and respect.

3. Learn with her. She is going to need to better understand racism so I can’t repeat this enough: It is not the job of the marginalized, to teach her about their history. The responsibility needs to begin with her. Together, learn history. Why? When girls become grounded in facts about the past, whether it’s slavery and black people, the Indigenous people, or the Chinese Canadians working on the railway, and the history of white people, they can start to understand others and answer some of their “why” questions so they become more confident when they speak. Girls cannot rely on what others tell them as this so often reinforces stereotypes and they cannot look to inaccurate social media platforms. Give her the knowledge she needs and learn together and hold space for her to ask her questions and formulate her own opinions and learn about race and reckoning. Teach her to be respectfully curious, to listen to someone else’s story without comparing it to her story.

4. Teach her to speak up and up stand up. With knowledge comes passion and girls can easily become impassioned to do something when it comes to social justice. Help girls to notice situations and see the truth so that they can speak up and stand up for the racialized who are often silenced. For example, when she is at a restaurant and orders food yet notices her biracial friend is overlooked by the server, she needs to say something and act quickly—as in, leave the restaurant. When her black friend is followed in the mall by a security guard who is suspicious she will steal, she needs to tell her friend they are done shopping for the day. It is never okay to ignore these kinds of truths, to “pretend” they are not happening, or to stay silent. Girls need to notice and then act when they witness injustices.

Now, more than ever is the time for girls to know they can embrace the words of Mahatma Gandhi: “Be the change you wish to see in the world.” This begins with the ability to care. Let’s remind girls to continue to care and take action when it comes to race, even when the news stories fade.

To learn more, check out Growing Strong Girls: Practical Tools to Cultivate Connection in the Preteen Years and Rooted, Resilient, and Ready, and the websites Bold New Girls and Brave New Boys.

 

I am a girl advocate and girls champion; the founder of Bold New Girls and Brave New Boys teaching and coaching for girls, boys, and their parents. As well, I am the author Growing Strong Girls and Rooted, Resilient, and Ready (available on Amazon and Audible). I am an international speaker and an instructor with Udemy. 

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We Talk News with Kids. This Is How We’re Talking about Racism

By Joann Suen & Sapna Satagopan

Like many of you, we’ve been shocked, appalled, saddened, and angered by all that has happened over the last week. And as parents, we’ve struggled to explain to our children why African-Americans are treated unfairly because of the way they look. But struggling doesn’t mean we’re not talking about it. On the contrary, to quote Desmond Tutu, “If you are neutral in situations of injustice, you have chosen the side of the oppressor.”

When we started Xyza: News for Kids nearly four years ago, we knew that there would be both good and bad news days. While we can’t control what happens—news is news, after all—we can, hopefully, shape the future. Our mission has always been to share stories based on facts and to empower young readers to have open and honest conversations. That’s why we’re talking about tough topics such as racism, social injustice, and police brutality, and sharing the stories of what happened to Ahmaud Arbery, Christian Cooper, and George Floyd with our young readers this week.

Families have contacted us asking for resources and other ways to help explain what’s happening to their young children. We’ve compiled a few resources below, but by no means is this a complete list. We hope this helps.

Why Are People Protesting?

Social Injustice.  Police Brutality. Racism.

Black Lives Matter.

Read why people are protesting in the US here.

More Resources:

Sometimes simply sharing a story can help children better understand the history, challenges, and accomplishments of a group of people. Here is a collection of stories that we’ve shared with our young Xyza readers about the African-American community.

We Want To Hear From Kids

What does the phrase “Black Lives Matter” mean to you?

How do you think racism affects people in everyday lives?

Our readers are the reason why we exist. That’s why it’s important for us to hear their thoughts and perspectives. We want to hear our young readers’ thoughts on what’s happening in the country right now. Share their thoughts on the above questions by emailing editor@xyzanews.com. We will compile all responses and share them with our larger Xyza community.

Racism, Black Lives Matter, Protests

This week, our trivia will be focused on what’s happening in the United States right now. The hope is that our trivia will help support some of the discussions that are happening in schools and at home. Check out today’s question.

Curated Resources

How To Make This Moment The Turning Point For Real Change By Barack Obama
Common Sense Media: Book Recommendations On Racism And Social Justice
Kids Who Care: A Curated List Of Books From SF Public Library
For Parents: How Parents Can Use Media To Raise Anti-Racist Kids
NPR: Talking Race With Young Children
The Conscious Kid: Curated Children’s Books Focused On Underrepresented Groups

Together, let’s make change happen.

Sincerely,

Xyza Co-founders Joann Suen & Sapna Satagopan

This post originally appeared on www.xyzanews.com.
Joann Suen & Sapna Satagopan
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

We're two perfectly imperfect moms who have five very different kids between the two of us. We believe that topics in news are a fantastic way to spark conversations in families. That's why we started the Dinner Table Conversation series here at Xyza: News for Kids. Won't you join us in the conversation? 

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My Daughter Wants to Be the next Celebrity: What Should I Do?

By Lindsay Sealey

“I want to be famous.” 

This was the response I received from one of my ten-year-old clients when I asked her what she wanted to be when she grows up. Shocked, I started to wonder what ever happened to dreaming about having a more traditional job, like teacher, doctor or scientist? I’ll tell you exactly what I think has happened: those dreams of “regular” jobs have been replaced by a new image of success where seemingly normal, everyday girls become instant YouTube or Instagram sensations overnight.

Shows such as American Idol and So You Think You Can Dance have supposedly opened the door for young talents to fast-track their careers—but in the process they’ve raised the expectations of a generation. Now many young girls dream about an unrealistic trifecta of talent, riches and easy fame. Preteen girls are often self-conscious about how they are seen by others and the idea of seeking fame is not new, but with the rise of social media, it’s easier than ever for girls to imitate fame on an individual level.

The word for this phenomenon is called “micro-celebrity,” first coined by Theresa Sneft in her book CamGirls. “Micro-celebrity” describes a new form of identity linked inextricably with the internet and the use of still images, videos and blogging to craft one’s own public identity and brand themselves for their own fan base. According to a 2013 media survey, kids who use social media place a much higher value on fame than kids who don’t use social media.

Whether they’re following the Kardashians, Meghan Trainor or Miley Cyrus, girls see mostly the benefits of fame while ignoring any drawbacks. Girls are caught in a vortex of posting, promoting and pleasing—being as “celebrity-esque” as possible—yet sinking into deeper personal dissatisfaction about their appearance and even their lives.

In my book Growing Strong Girls, I explain why girls’ participation in the pursuit of micro-celebrity is an example of the disconnection they feel when what they’re really seeking is happiness and fulfillment. They grab at whatever illusion of affirmation and connection they can, whether it’s by branding themselves, promoting and performing for an online audience or emulating fame by posting non-stop.

An October 2017 study by Girl Guides Canada found 56 percent of girls feel pressure from society to conform to unrealistic standards about what it means to be a “girl”— and they feel this pressure through the media, social media, friends, parents or even teachers. This confusion only becomes heightened when girls consider themselves “friends” with the celebrities they follow online.

I know it’s not easy for parents to grapple with this with their daughters. I’ve come to better understand girls’ never-ending pursuit of micro-celebrity in my coaching work. They tell me about their excitement and their struggles. I see how lost they are and how much they need guidance back to reality. So, where do we begin?

Have a straight talk with her about fame. 

We know she has stars in her eyes about being famous, but does she know what being famous actually entails? Ask her to come up with a list of the pros and cons of being famous and when she runs out of ideas, add some of our own. Pros could include: attention, wealth, free products, and being known and loved by your fans. Cons could include: the pressures of living in the public eye, the expectations from fans, not knowing who to trust and a lack of privacy. Ask her honestly if she wants fame or if perhaps what she really wants is to feel good about herself—and explain there are many other ways to do the latter, too.

Give her the attention she needs. 

Think about what she really wants and what she’s searching for when she pays attention to celebrities. She wants what we all want: acceptance and belonging. If we don’t  provide it for her, she’ll seek it elsewhere. View the time she spends online posting and anticipating reactions as a possible cry for attention and be ready to step up. Schedule regular time with her and create rituals she can to look forward to with you. Whether it’s Saturday morning breakfast or Friday movie nights, make the time for her and use this time to talk about what’s on her mind.

Address the argument, “If everyone’s doing it, why can’t I?” 

We need to teach girls to be independent thinkers and to do what’s best for them. They can so easily slip into “compare and copy” mode and use what their friends are doing as the benchmark for what she thinks she should do. Here is our opportunity to discuss what it means to check in with herself and cross-check with family values. 

Does she enjoy feeling disappointed when she “only” gets 50 likes for a picture she posted a selfie when she was expecting 100? Is she okay when she subjects herself to ridicule and condemnation with every single post? Help her take a step back and an honest look at her online habits and then talk about some boundaries she can set for herself that have nothing to do with “everyone else.”

Encourage her to be present in real time (IRT). 

Girls often miss out on the enjoyment of being in the moment. Constantly checking in with phones tethered to their hands, it’s like they’re living through a screen. Real time means time spent with undivided attention and unplugged from all devices. At first this might feel foreign to her, but once she recovers from the “withdrawal phase,” she may learn to love it. 

Go slowly at first, asking her to not go on her phone during dinner time, and then slowly extend the challenge to one hour of no phone in the evening. Experiment on weekends with taking the entire afternoon to stay off all devices. Help her adjust to the change and be in the moment with her by doing the challenge alongside her.

Help her find realistic role models. 

Girls’ st‌yles and values are being shaped by what they see trending on social media. How can we shift her focus to more positive values? Create some competition for the impulse to follow fame. 

Ask her to look for people to follow who are doing good work versus seeking fame. Some examples include young athletes and leaders, such as pro surfer Bethany Hamilton, Olympic gold medal gymnast Simone Biles or human rights activist Malala Yousafsai. With a little time and research, you can help her realize she needs to pursue her own unique st‌yle, that she can live her values and make a difference by giving back in positive ways. Her self-worth need not be based on the number of fans, likes, or social shares she has.

Social media makes the temptation to engage in a pursuit of micro-celebrity almost irresistible. Instead, let’s give girls a reason to put down their phones. You can help your own girls by focusing on connection through real-world experiences—in real time—and by giving her the attention, affirmation and boundaries she needs.

I am a girl advocate and girls champion; the founder of Bold New Girls, teaching and coaching for girls and their parents. As well, I am the author Growing Strong Girls and Rooted, Resilient, and Ready (available on Amazon and Audible). I am an international speaker and an instructor with Udemy. 

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“TIME For Kids” Releases Free Digital Earth Day Issue

by Jennifer Swartvagher

For the last 25 years, TIME for Kids has been a trusted source for millions of elementary students. Llast month the publication was made available digitally to students to access for free from their homes. Timed to Earth Day, TIME for Kids has released a special edition issue available for free in the TIME For Kids digital library.

Penguin

The cover story explores how scientists are taking a penguin census in Antarctica as part of a global penguin census to better understand the impact of climate change. Other stories in the issue include how the Netherlands is dealing with rising sea levels, a debate on if cars should be banned from cities, five Kid Heroes for the Planet, how classrooms in Africa are being built from recycled plastic garbage, the plants and animals of South America’s Amazon rain forest, a group in Pakistan is planting native trees and an interview with Bindi and Robert Irwin.

—Jennifer Swartvagher

Featured photo: Uncoated via Pexels

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