These funny jokes will have them belly-laughing for days

Need a good joke when you’re in a pinch? We’ve got you covered with a joke of the day for almost a whole year, and most of them are original! These hilarious jokes for kids require little to no explanation from parents, but you’ll want to get in on the fun, anyway. From cheesy jokes to knock-knock jokes and beyond, many of these have been sent to us by kids themselves. We’ve also got squeaky-clean jokes, spring jokes, and printable lunchbox jokes. And for those looking to take the fun to the next level, we’ve got the best minute to win it games, too.

Why should you share jokes with your kids?

Because it allows kids to learn to laugh at themselves and not take themselves too seriously. It’s an easy way to have quality time that doesn’t include a screen. So go ahead, scroll through our favorite jokes for kids, and spend 15 minutes having a good chuckle with your kiddos.

1. What do you call an ant who fights crime? 
A vigilante! 

—Joe L., age 10 

2. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive YOU!

3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.

4. What do you call a little legume?
A Tinybean.

5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells!

6. Why did the police play baseball?
He wanted to get a catch!

—Yuna, age 8

7. What did the microwave say to the other microwave?
Is it just me? Or is it really hot in here?

—Yuna, age 8

8. Why did the student eat his homework?
Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake!

9. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting pirate.
Interrupting pir—yarrrrrr!

10. What is brown, hairy, and wears sunglasses?
A cool coconut.

11. Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other?
Dill with it.

12. What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!

13. Why did the kid cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.

14. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Icy.
Icy who?
Icy you trying not to laugh at my knock-knock joke!

15. What kind of lion doesn't roar?
A dandelion.

16. How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket!

17. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7, 8, 9

18. What does a cloud wear under a raincoat?
Thunderwear.

19. When does a joke become a “dad” joke?
When the punchline is a parent.

20. What do you call a dinosaur fart?
A blast from the past.

Related: 100+ of The Best Clean Jokes For Kids

21. What did the limestone say to the geologist?
Don’t take me for granite!

22. What do you call a duck that gets all A’s?
A wise quacker.

23. Why does a seagull fly over the sea?
Because if it flew over the bay, it would be a baygull.

24. Which is faster? Hot or cold?
Hot. You can easily catch a cold. 

25. What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!

26. Why can't you trust an atom?
They make up everything.

27. Why was the baby strawberry crying?
Because her parents were in a jam.

28. What did the little corn say to the mama corn?
Where is pop corn?

29. What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis!

30. How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?
About a buck an ear.

31. Where would you find an elephant?
The same place you lost her!

32. How do you talk to a giant?
Use big words!

33. What animal is always at a baseball game?
A bat.

34. What falls in winter but never gets hurt?
Snow!

35. What do you call a ghost’s true love?
His ghoul-friend.

36. What building in New York has the most stories?
The public library!

37. What did one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!

38. How do we know that the ocean is friendly?
It waves!

39. What is a tornado’s favorite game to play?
Twister!

40. How do baby cats learn how to swim?
The kitty pool.

41. How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Act like a nut!

42. What do you call two birds in love?
Tweethearts!

43. How does a scientist freshen her breath?
With experi-mints!

44. How are false teeth like stars?
They come out at night!

45. How can you tell a vampire has a cold?
She starts coffin.

46. What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm.

47. What is a computer's favorite snack?
Computer chips!!
—reader Rebecca K.

48. Why don’t elephants chew gum?
They do, just not in public.

49. What was the first animal in space?
The cow that jumped over the moon

50. What did the banana say to the dog?
Nothing. Bananas can’t talk.

51. What time is it when the clock strikes 13?
Time to get a new clock.

52. How does a cucumber become a pickle?
It goes through a jarring experience.

53. Which city does Paw Patrol like the most? 
New Yorkie.

54. What do you think of that new diner on the moon?
Food was good, but there really wasn’t much atmosphere.

55. Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because the chicken wasn’t born yet.

56. Why can’t Elsa have a balloon?
Because she will let it go.

57. How do you make an octopus laugh?
With ten-tickles!

58. How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.

59. What's green and can fly?
Super Pickle!

60. When you look for something, why is it always in the last place you look?
Because when you find it, you stop looking.

little girl and boy sharing a joke
Saeed Karimi via Unsplash

61. Why do shrimp never share?
They're so shellfish.

62. What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
A tuba toothpaste.

63. Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
Because she wanted to go to high school.

64. Where do vampires keep their money?
A blood bank.

65. What do elves learn in school?
The elf-abet.

66. What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.

67. Where do pencils go on vacation?
Pencil-vania.

68. Why couldn't the pony sing a lullaby?
She was a little horse.

69. What do you cakes and baseball have in common?
They both need a batter! 

70. What gets wetter the more it dries?
A towel.

71. What do you call two bananas?
Slippers.

And speaking of bananas...

72. Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling well.

73. Why was the mushroom the life of the party?
It was a fungi.

74. What stays in the corner yet can travel all over the world?  
A stamp.

75. How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?
With a pumpkin patch.

76. What kind of award did the dentist receive?
A little plaque.

77. What do you call a funny mountain?
Hill-arious.

78. What should you drink while singing nursery rhymes?
Hot Cocomelon.

79. Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use a honeycomb.

Related: 30 Wacky Winter Jokes for Kids

80. What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Hi, bud!

81. There are two robots sitting on a wall. They are named Pete and Re-Pete. Pete falls off. Who is left?
(Re-Pete...so you repeat the whole thing again and again and again.)

—Henrik P., 10 

82. What is a pony’s favorite juice?
She really likes lemon-neigh’d.

—5-year-old Kerrigan

83. Where do fish keep their money?
In the River-Bank!

—Jaxon G., 7 y.o.

84. What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator!

—Milo H-R, age 8

85. Why was the computer cold?
It left its window open!

—Milo H-R, age 8

86. Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don’t cry!

—Milo H-R, age 8

87. In baseball, would it take longer to run from 1st to 2nd base or 2nd to 3rd base?
2nd to 3rd base because there’s a shortstop in between.

—Milo H-R, age 8

88. What has lots of leaves but never actually grew?
A book!

—Milo H-R, age 8

89. Why was the computer cold?
It had a virus. 

—Henrik, age 10 

90. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
Because he couldn’t see himself doing it.

—Jan L. 

91. Who keeps the ocean clean?
The mer-maid.

—Jan L. 

92. What did the astronaut say when he crashed into the moon?
"I Apollo-gize."

93. Why didn’t the orange win the race?
It ran out of juice.

94. What dinosaur had the best vocabulary?  
The thesaurus.

95. What did one DNA strand say to the other DNA strand?
Do these genes make my butt look big?

96. Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
They have two left feet.

97. What did the wolf say when it stubbed its toe?
Owwwww-ch! (by Henrik, age 5)

98. Kid: What are you doing under there?
Mom: Under where?
Kid: Ha ha! You said underwear!!

99. Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window?
Because he wanted to see time fly.

100. What did one toilet say to the other?
You look flushed.

101. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
He wanted cold hard cash!

102. Why couldn’t the astronaut book a hotel on the moon?
Because it was full.

103. How do pickles enjoy a day out?
They relish it.

104. What do you call an old snowman?
Water.

105. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
Arrrrrrrrrr

106. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish?
Swimming trunks.

107. How do you throw a party in space?
You planet.

108. What do you call an attractive fruit?
A fine apple!

109. What happened when the skunk was on trial?
The judge declared, “Odor in the court, odor in the court!”

110. What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!

111. Why did the tomato blush?
It saw the salad dressing.

112. What do you call a fish without an eye?
A fsh.

113. What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.

114. What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?
A walkie talkie.

115. Why are robots never afraid?
They have nerves of steel.

116. Why did the cabbage win the race?
Because it was a-head.

117. What does an evil hen lay?
Deviled eggs.

118. What does a book do in the winter?
Puts on a jacket.

119. Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Needle.
Needle who?
Needle little help right now.

Related: 30+ Math Jokes for Kids That Add Up to Laughs

120. What sound do you hear when a cow breaks the sound barrier?
Cowboom!

121. What kind of haircuts to bees get?
Buzzzzzcuts.

122. Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Donut.
Donut who?
Donut ask me, I just got here.

124. What do you get if you cross a pie and a snake?
A pie-thon.

125. What do you do if you get peanut butter on your doorknob?
Use a door jam.

126. Why was 6 so mad at 7?
Because 7 8 9.

127. Why didn’t the robot finish his breakfast?
Because the orange juice told him to concentrate.

128. Why can’t you play hockey with pigs?
They always hog the puck.

129. Why do porcupines always win the game?
They have the most points.

130. Where do elephants pack their clothes?
In their trunks!

131. What does bread do on vacation?
Loaf around.

132. Why was the broom running late?
It over-swept.

133. What part of the fish weighs the most?
The scales.

134. What do ghosts like to eat in the summer?
I Scream.

135. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school?
Because her students were so bright.

136. What do you call a deer with pink eye?
A colorful eye-deer. (credit to Capt. John of the Appledore!)

137, Where do sheep go on vacation?
The Baaa-hamas.

138. What does every birthday end with?
The letter Y.

139. What did the paper say to the pencil?
Write on!

140. Why do birds fly?
It’s faster than walking.

141. Why did Superman flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.

142. Why did the pillow cross the road?
It was picking up the chicken’s feathers.

143. Can February March?
No, but April May.

144. What time do ducks wake up?
At the quack of dawn.

145. Why did the giraffes get bad grades?
She had her head in the clouds.

146. What did the flower say after it told a joke?
I was just pollen your leg.

147. What did the traffic light say to the truck?
Don’t look, I’m changing.

148. What do kids play when they don’t have a phone?
Bored games.

149. Why didn’t the koala bear get the job?
They said she was over-koala-fied.

150. Who was that owl who did all the tricks?
Who-dini.

151. What kind of vegetable is angry?
A steamed carrot!

three girls laughing at jokes for kids
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152. How does the moon stay up in the sky?
Moonbeams! 

153. Why isn't there a clock in the library?
Because it tocks too much. 

154. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they're so good at it! 

155. What day of the week are most twins born on?
Twos-day! 

(submitted by reader Scooter T.!) 

156. Would February March?
No, but April May. 

157. What do you call bears with no ears?
B. 

158. What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!

168. What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk. 

—Jasper L., young reader submitted!

169. What’s yellow and looks like pineapple?
A lemon with a new haircut. 

—submitted (and created) by Rafael L. 

Related: 41 Giggle-Inducing Jokes for Toddlers

170. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
"No eye-deer." 

—also sent in by young Raffy 

171. What did the lunchbox say to the banana?
You really have appeal. 

172. What did the mouse say to the keyboard?

You're my type! 

173. What did the science book say to the math book?
Wow, you've got problems. 

174. How do squids get to school?

They take an octobus. 

175. Where do mermaids look for jobs?
The kelp-wanted section. 

176. What word starts with the letter t, ends with the letter t, and has t in it?
A teapot!

—young reader Collin S.

177. What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!

—Lewis G.

178.  Two goats were munching on a movie script. 
Goat 1: This is good!
Goat 2: The book was better.

—reader submitted by Mr. Jeffry

179. What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.

—submitted by Stella D.

180. Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
To make up for his miserable summer.

—reader submitted by Kaci Y.  

181. Why did the woman become an archeologist?
Because her career was in ruins.

182. Knock knock! 
Who's there?
Manatee. 
Manatee who?
Manatee would be better than a sweater today, it's hot! 

183. What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?
Primemates!

—Merci P., aged 10

184. What snack should you make for the Snowman Holiday Party?
Ice Krispy Treats

—Emmerson H., age 13

185. What do you call a nun who sleepwalks?
A roamin' Catholic. 

—Janice B., a reader like you! 

186. Why do birds fly south?
It's too far to walk.

—Pearl, age 10

187. What did the traffic light say to the cars?
Don't look, I'm changing!

—reader, age 6 

188. Why is there a gate around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in!

189. What is a scarecrow's favorite fruit?
A strawberry. 

190. How does a hurricane see?
With one eye. 

191. How do they answer the phone at the paint store?
Yellow!

—Lily, age 6

192. Why do scissors always win a race?
Because they take a shortcut!

—Foster, age 5 

193. How do you stop a bull from charging? 
You unplug it! 

—Jadyn, Age 12 

194. What did the dad say to his daughter at the cook out? 
This grill is on fire! 
 

—Jadyn, 12 (This kid is on fire! 🤣) 

195. Why did the king go to the bathroom?
He wanted to sit on the throne.

—Eric, age 10

196. What is a pirate's favorite body part?
The booty!

—C.J., age 9

197. If it takes two men to dig a hole in one day how long would it take for one man to dig a half a hole?           
There is no such thing as a half a hole.

—Eric, age 10

198. How do cats bake cake?
From scratch. 

—reader Jacey

199. What is a zombie's favorite thing to eat?
Brain food. 

200. How do you fix a broken tomato?
With a can of tomato paste. 

201. What do you call a rabbit with lice?
Bugs Bunny. 

a family laughing at jokes for kids
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202. It took 10 workers 10 days to build a bridge.  How long would it take 5 workers to build the same bridge?
None—it’s already built!

—Liam, age 7 

203. How do you make the word Tiger longer?
Ti-grrrh

—Kabir, Age 9

204. How do you clean chicken?  -
Put it in dishwasher.

—Kabir, Age 9

205. What do frogs order at McDonalds?
French flies and a Croak-a-Cola.

206. There's a girl on a boat in a pretty pink coat. What's her name?
What. 

—Ray, age 9

207. Where does a rat go when it has a toothache?
To the rodentist. 

—Ray, age 9!

208. What does an alien do when it is bored in school?
Spaces out. 

—Ray! (they are on a roll!), age 9

209. What does a broken plate say when she gets her cupcake?
Is this GLUE-ten free?

—Guess who? Ray! age 9 

210. Why didn't the hyena cross the road?
He was too busy laughing. 

—reader submitted by Gillian P. 

211. Have you heard the one about the student who was afraid of negative numbers?
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

212. What do you call it when a hammock teases another hammock?
Hammockery!

—Joe L., age 8 

213. What did they say when Marie Curie and Albert Einstein said the same thing at the same time?
Greatest minds think alike! 

—Henrik, age 9

214. What did the kid learn about knowledge?
It was all knowing.

—Reader submitted by Deziree

215. Why did the chicken go the hospital?
Because it needed some tweatment!

—Joshua Y., age 9 
 
 
216. Why did the skeletons cross the road?

To get to the body shop!

—Also Mr. Joshua Y., age 9

217. What is more impressive than a talking parrot?
A spelling bee.

—submitted by...drumroll...Joshua Y., age 9!! 

218. What do you call babies in the army?
Infantry! 

—Joe L., age 9

219. What is a cat's favorite color?
Purrr-ple! 

—Olivia W., age 7 

220. Why did the dragon cross the road?
Because he was too chicken to fly!       

—Joshua Y. 

221. Who won the race of princesses?
Rapunzel, By a hair!

—Josh Y! 

222. What did the egg say when it was late for breakfast?
I have to scramble!

—our buddy, Joshua Y. 

223. How do you stop a bull from charging?
You take away it's credit card!

—Joshua Y. 

224. Where does the T-rex go shopping?
The dino store!

—Joshua Y., age 9 

225. Why was the rabbit happy?
Because somebunny loved him!

—Guess who? Joshua Y.! 

226. What did the pear say to the shoeless?
You need a pair of shoes. 

—reader submitted by Rose A. 

227. What do you call a bear with no ear?
A "B"

—Alexis R. 

228. What would happen if the dean lost his job?
He would lose his "ideanity." 

—Joshua Y. 

229. Why did the baby cross the road? 

To get to the whine shop!

—Matilda C., age 7

230. Why shouldn’t you trust stairs?
Because they are always up to something.

—Ryder, Age 3!!! 

Related: 20 Cheesy Jokes To Make Anyone Crack a Smile

231. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was out standing in his field.

—Suzanna R. 

232. What do you call a cat burrito?
A purrito

—Rosewyn age 8 and 3 quarters 

233. What kind of key opens a banana?
A monkey!

—Rosewyn age 8 and 3 quarters 

234. What do you call a pounding headache? 
A temple tantrum!

—hilarious reader, MJ Sims

235. How do you get a cat to code?

You Scratch it!

—Musegirl, 8

236. Why was the man mad at the clock?

He was ticked off!

—Nolan A. age 8

237. What is the strongest kind of shoe?

Under Armor!

—Liam A. age 9

238. Why did Rudolph have a bad report card?

Because he went down in History!

—Sreeja K., age 8 

239. Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!

—Sreeja K., age 8 

240. Why can't you spell dark with a "c", so it says "darc"?
Because you can't c in dark!

—Shivani age 8

241. How do you clean a chicken?
An egg wash!

—MB, age 12 

242. Why did the cookie have to go to the doctor?
It was feeling crummy. 

243. What's Joanna Gaines' favorite snack food?
Chips

—H.P., aged 9

244. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
Because there was noBody on the other side. 

—Grandpa Jo, 54

245. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts. 

—Londynn, 9

246. What do you do when an astronaut’s wife is upset?
Give her some space.

—Jaden, 11

247. Why did the young astronaut cry on the moon?
Because he missed his mother earth. 

—A mother on earth

248. Two monkeys were fighting over a banana. What happened?
Banana split! 

—Saori K. 

249. What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange!

—Rianna G., age 10

250. Why don't eggs like to gamble?
They always get a raw deal. 

251. When is a door not a door?
When it's ajar. 

252. Why did the scientist take out the bell?
He wanted to win the no-bell prize. 

—DT 

253. Why are strawberries natural musicians?
They love to jam. 

254. What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot! 

Related: 40+ Hilarious Knock Knock Jokes for Kids

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255. Did you hear about the kid who drank eight sodas?
He burped 7-Up. 

256. What be the pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?
Arrrr! 
No, it be the C! (Sea).

—A hilarious 6-year-old reader. 

257. What is a tree's favorite beverage?
Root beer! 

258. Why do fish live in saltwater?
Pepper makes them sneeze! ACHOOOOOO!!!!!!

—Hasset A. 

259. Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school!

—Ronit P. 

The following four jokes were written by Kaleb, age 4, as told to his grandpa:

260. Why did the cow lie down in the grass? 
He was ground beef.

261. What did Mama cow say to Baby cow? 
It’s pasture bedtime.

262. Why did the phone walk in the water? 
He was wading for a phone call.

263. What is blue, but not heavy?
Light blue.

264. How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for fresh prints. 

—Joshua N. 

265. Why don't you ever date a tennis player?
Because love means nothing to them.

—Joshua N. 

266. "Doctor, doctor I am afraid of squirrels!"
Doctor: You must be nuts.

—reader Jerry C. 

267. What happened to the frog whose car broke down?
He had to be toad! 

—Martin F. 

268. What is the best day to visit McDonalds?
Fry-Day!

—Gianni, age 6

269. What's a cow's favorite drink?
A s-moooo-thie.

—Young readers Jax (7) and Kora (5)

270. Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Cow
Cow who? 
Cows don’t say who, they say moooo!

—Adalyn, age 5

271. Why did the tomato stop?
Because he was out of juice. 

—Karma E. 

Related: 51 Totally Goofy Birthday Jokes for Kids

272. What are cats best at?
Cat-apulting!

—Macy (10)

273. Where do cats roam?
In the catacombs!

—Katie (34)

274. What kind of stick does a cat chase?
A cat-stick!

—Macy (10)

275. What kind of fruit does a dog eat?
A dog-berry!

—Macy (10) & Katie (34)

276. Why do hockey players make great bankers?
Because they are good at checking.

—Henrik, age 9 3/4

277. How do chickens dance?
Chick to chick.

278. Mr. Red and Ms. Red live in the red house; Mr. Purple and Ms. Purple live in the purple house. Who lives in the white house?
The president!

—submitted by young reader Gwen I.

279. Why did the chicken cross the road?
It was trying to get away from the KFC.

—Ben, age 8

280. Who sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

—Alesha, age 11

281. Why was the snowman in the box?
Because he was picking his nose.

—Peter, age 8

 

happy kids laughing
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These next five were sent in from Jax (7) and Kora (5):

282. What’s a dog's favorite toy?
A funny bone!

283. What’s a cow's favorite rock?
A mooo-n rock

284. What’s the scariest plant?
Bam-booo!

285. What’s a cow's favorite place to go?
The mooo-vies!

286. What’s the scariest injury?
A booo-booo!

(Jax & Kora!) 

287. Why was the snow yellow?
Because Elsa let it go! 

—Kaylee

289. Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!

—Scarlett 

290. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!

291. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frost bite!

292. What did one plate say to the other plate?
Dinner is on me!

293. What do you call Chewbacca with cookies in its fur?
A chocolate-chip Wookie. 

—Jake

294. What is black and white and looks like a penguin?
A penguin. 

—Zhan, age 5 

295. What does a cow like to drink?
A smoothie. 

—Carolina, age 8

296. Why did the parent hit the cake with a hammer?
It was a pound cake. 

little girl and her mom laughing at jokes
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297.  When is the best time to go to the dentist?
At tooth-hurty!!!

—Tyler R.

298. Why is "dark" spelled with a k and not a c? 
Because you can’t c in the dark!

—Garrett

299. A new pig came to the farm, he was a great painter. What do you think his name was?
Pigasso!

—Amara

A spin-off:

300. What is the name of the Dutch pig who was famous for painting sunflowers and cutting off his ear?
Vincent van Hog

—Gloria, age 8

301. What is a bat’s favorite game to play?
A com-bat

—Bianca, age 7

302. What did the salad say to the carrot after it lost the fight?
You've lettuce down.

—Joe, age 10

303. What did the salad say to the carrot when it asked for directions to a restaurant?
Beets me!

—Joe, age 10

304. Why don't eggs tell each other jokes?
They'd crack each other up!

—Raina, age 10

305. Which milkshake always comes with a straw?
A strawberry milkshake

—Gloria, age 8

306. What stories do crustaceans like best?
Lobster Tales

—Gloria, age 8

307. What did the basketball say to the hoop when it missed?
Oh shoot!

—Layla, age 9

308. Why did the lion cross the road?
To get to the other pride!

309. What is the best gift you could ever ask for?
Broken drum sticks. You just can't beat it. 

—Nate

310. Why did the nurse have a red crayon?
To draw blood.

—Charlotte

311. What mood best describes a sad librarian?
Under the books.

—Elliana

Related: You’ll Be Taco-ing about These Jokes All Day

312. What do you call a Buffalo that likes beef?
A Beef-alo

313. What does a camel say to a hunter?
Do you need some camel-flage

314. Why does the dinosaur like the bathroom?
Because it’s ex-stink-t

315. Why does the dentist use a computer?
Because it has Bluetooth.

—Jokes 312-315 by Gunner, age 8

316. What’s grey?
A melted penguin.

317. What goes black, white, black, white, black white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.
318. Can a match box?
No, but a tin can!
319. Why was the baby in Egypt?
It was looking for its mummy.
320. Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
It was stuck on the chicken’s foot.
321. What does a cow eat for breakfast?
Mooo-esli.
322. Doctor, doctor, I feel like a dog.
Then go and see a vet!

323. What do girl snakes write at the bottom of their letters?
With love and hisses.

324. Why did the bacteria cross the microscope?
To get to the other slide.
—Jokes 316-324 by Elijah, age 11
325. Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Let us in, it’s cold out here!

326. What do you get when you cross a bridge with a car?
To the other side of the river.

327. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a cake?
Crumbs.

328. Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a dog.
Then sit on the couch and we’ll talk about it,
But I’m not allowed on the furniture!

329. Doctor, doctor I feel like a sheep.
That’s baa-aaa-aad.

330. What do you call a bee that buzzes quietly?
A mumble bee.

—Jokes 325-330 by Malachi, age 7 and a half

331. Where do you find a polar bear? 
The same place you left her.

—Thomas, age 7

332. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?
A rocket chip!

333. How does a vampire start a letter?
Tomb it may concern…

334. What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn…

335. Did you hear the one about the claustrophobic astronaut?

He just needed a little space.

Make sure to capture all the giggles—and share them with your family and friends near and far—with the Tinybeans app. The secure platform puts parents in total control of who sees and interacts with photos and videos of their kids.

You’re going to want to send this to your special someone, because they so deserve a boo basket

Whether you’ve heard of them or not yet, boo baskets are the newest Halloween-y project that’s gone viral. How do we know? TikTok, obviously. TikTok creator @emmasemingson‘s video seems to be at the heart of the trend (though we can’t say for sure whether or not she’s the Boo Basket Originator, she definitely knows her stuff).

@emmasemingson

#greenscreen

♬ original sound – Emma Semingson

See? Apparently, friends, you are entitled to a basket chock full of fall and Halloween goodies and we didn’t even know it. A boo basket is basically a basket (surprise!) with all sorts of little gifts and treats to celebrate the season. Wives and girlfriends appear to make up the bulk of recipients, though, of course, you can make a boo basket for anyone in your life. In fact, there are some people who use the ‘pass it along’ method of ‘booing’ someone. They leave a basket for a friend or neighbor, and that’s their cue to make one for someone else. But, you can give them however you want!

And, sure, it may feel like they’re just another thing to worry about during an already busy season, but trust us. These are seriously adorable, and, as TikTok creator Hunter from the account @maya.and.hunter points out, if your wife sends you a video of something, go ahead and do that something.

@maya.and.hunter

ty @Emma Semingson for the inspo! I got all these basket fillers from her storefront! #boobasket #fallgirl #halloweengirl #fallgiftideas #fallgifts #couple #marriage #relationship #couplegoals #marriagegoals #relationshipgoals #couplecomedy #couplestiktok #marriagehumor #marriagelife #marriagecomedy #marriageadvice #marriagetips #marriagetok #relationships #relationshipadvice #husbandsoftiktok #relationshiptips #husbandandwife #relationshipproblems

♬ Halloween ・ cute horror song – PeriTune

So, we highly recommend you send this list to your boyfriend, husband, or partner with a winky emoji, just as a little hint. If you’re looking for inspiration yourself, you’re definitely in the right place, too. Either way, we’ve got all sorts of great ideas for filling your fall/Halloween gift basket for your favorite people. Choose your basket and get to creating with our picks below!

A Pumpkin Pair for Their Fall Feet

Amazon

It's cooler outside—finally. And while we're loving it, our feet? Not so much. Keep them toasty with these slippers! Available in 3 colors and several sizes.

Pumpkin Slippers ($23.99)—Buy Here!

Scents That Are Delightfully Villainous

Pura

Their Pura diffuser could use a little Disney villain magic. Each one of these scents is inspired by a different favorite Disney character that'll fill the house with Pura's signature smart scents. If they don't have a Pura diffuser yet, throw one in, too!

Pura Disney Villains Collection ($12.79/ea)—Buy Here!

A Cocktail & Mocktail Mix That Tastes Like Magic

Williams Sonoma

Made with a fruity blend of blackberry juice, blood orange juice and lemon juice, our haunting cocktail mixer is highlighted with ginger and subtly sweetened with agave. Its bewitching purple hue and syrupy texture create a spellbinding beverage—mix with vodka or sparkling water!

Witches Brew Drink Mix ($22.95)—Buy Here!

A Crystal Pumpkin They Can Display All Year

Etsy

Pick from 16 real natural stones that fit their style! You really can't go wrong with any of them.

Natural Stone Pumpkin ($7.36)—Buy Here!

A 40oz Tumbler, but Make It Spooky

Etsy

'Obsessed' is probably an understatement when we talk about our feelings toward this adorable tumbler. It's available in multiple colors and you can even add a super cute tumbler topper!

Halloween 40oz Tumbler ($14.95+)—Buy Here!

A Spice Blend No Self-Respecting Fall Lover Can Resist

Spiceology

Pumpkin Spice is the magic word that makes the leave change color (we think). Even if that's not totally true, this Pumpkin Spice blend from Spiceology can be used in so. many. ways. Coffee, baking, over oatmeal, just to smell...the possibilities are pretty much endless. 

Pumpkin Spice ($14.95)—Buy Here!

Socks They Can Wear with Booties, Boots, or Lounging

Amazon

Combine autumn colors and sweet smileys for the perfect sock set.

Smiley Face Sock Set ($16.99)—Buy Here!

A Set of Tiny Ghosts to Hold Tiny Arrangements

Etsy

Who doesn't need an adorable ghost on their desk, bedside table, or windowsill? Available in a single or set of 2.

Tiny Ghost Vase ($18.50+)—Buy Here!

A Makeup Bag They'll Use Every Day

Amazon

It's made of canvas, so it's soft and durable. It's perfect for holding Halloween makeup and/or daily cosmetics.

Skeleton Cosmetic Bag ($11.99)—Buy Here!

Magnets to Decorate Anything From the Fridge to the Car

Amazon

These Hocus Pocus magnets are waterproof, so they can use them inside and out this season. Comes in a 12-pack.

Hocus Pocus Magnets ($14.99)—Buy Here!

A Sugar Skull Couple Statue Set for Your Ghoulfriend (or Whoever)

Amazon

How sweet is this romantic little statue set? Made from resin, they're designed to sit on the ledge of your choosing—bookcases, windows, you pick.

Sugar Skull Couple Statue Set ($16.14)—Buy Here!

A Set of Vintage Mugs to Make Their Morning Coffee or Tea Extra Special

Amazon

These gorgeous glass coffee and tea cups are available in several colors, too. 

Vintage Mugs Set of 2 ($21.99)—Buy Here!

A Catchall Dish That Doubles as Art

Uncommon Goods

Pick the tarot card that most resonates, or grab them all for a full spread that's as pretty as it is functional!

Tarot Card Catchall Dish ($45.00)—Buy Here!

A Scent to Bring on the Nostalgia

Sephora

Red berries, cardamom, cedarwood, and moss make up this unisex scent that invokes feelings of an autumn day!

Maison Margiela REPLICA Autumn Vibes ($85.00)—Buy Here!

A Bath Bomb Perfect for Good Witches

Lush USA

This fun, fizzy, dragonfruit bath bomb from Lush turns their bath into a swirling relaxing brew!

Magic Potion Bath Bomb ($8.50)—Buy Here!

A Set of 2 Glass Tumblers with Lids & Straws to Protect Their Cold (Witches) Brew

Amazon

Whether they're Halloween fans, fall fans, or both, this adorable tumbler set will help them keep their favorite drinks close.

Set of 2 Pink Pumpkin Glass Tumblers ($23.99)—Buy Here!

A Phone Case with All the Fall Vibes

Amazon

This case is like a fall filter for your whole phone. We're also loving the collage style!

Fall Collage Phone Case ($11.90)—Buy Here!

An Oh-So-Chic Slouchy Beanie in Any Color They Could Want

Amazon

With 30 colors to choose from, this on-trend slouchy beanie is available in 30 colors, so you can get one for everyone on your boo basket list.

Wool Slouchy Beanie ($13.99)—Buy Here!

A Coed-Style Tee They Can Layer with Cardigans

Target

Choose from black, white, army green, and cream in sizes XS-XXL.

Varsity Fall Ombre Short Sleeve Graphic Tee ($30.99)—Buy Here!

The Most Beautiful Lollipops They've Ever Seen (Probably)

I Want Candy

These are a serious showstopper. Each lollipop is individually wrapped and available in 8 flavors. They're almost too pretty to eat. Almost.

Funky Fall Pattern Lollipops 6pc ($21.00)—Buy Here!

A Coffee Blend Made for the Season

Starbucks

Spice, toasted nuts, and arabica coffee? That's the perfect fall blend.

Starbucks Ground Coffee, Fall Blend ($13.48)—Buy Here!

Essential Oils for Creating a Halloween Ambiance

Amazon

Move over lavender and tea tree. Diffuse pumpkin pie, marshmallow, caramel corn, and more! This is the set they'll use every year.

Halloween Essential Oil Set ($16.95)—Buy Here!

Shower Steamers to Make Their Whole Bathroom Smell Like Autumn

Etsy

With three different scents: Pumpkin Chai, Mountain Hike, and Sweater Weather, this 6-pack of shower steamers is like a weekly fall spa experience.

Fall Festival Shower Steamers ($13.59)—Buy Here!

Magnetic Notepads Because the Fridge Deserves to be Decked Out, Too

Amazon

This set of notepads are all adorable, so you can split them up between everyone on your Boo Basket list, or keep a few for yourself (we don't judge).

Halloween Magnetic Notepads 6-pk ($13.99)—Buy Here!

A Shimmery Pumpkin-Hued Nail Color

Amazon

This nail polish is aptly called Pumpkin Patch and we can't get over the shimmery Jack-o-lantern warm color.

ILNP Pumpkin Patch Nail Color ($10.00)—Buy Here!

A Pair of Boo-hoo...Boho Chic Earrings

Amazon

These beauties are handmade and lightweight, plus they're a more 'grown-up' version of the light-up pumpkin earrings we used to wear, right?

Beaded Pumpkin Earrings ($4.99)—Buy Here!

A Stanley-Sipping, Belt Bag-Wearing Ghost Because

Etsy

Is it weird we relate to this ghost on a spiritual level (pardon the pun)? Available in a sweatshirt or hoodie and several different colors!

BOO-JEE Sweatshirt ($18.32+)—Buy Here!

A High-Protein Snack with a Twist

Nutty Novelties

Whether they're already almond butter fans or not, they'll love this on crackers, bread, in recipes, apples, and more!

Cinnamon Almond Butter ($11.69)—Buy Here!

A Fancy Caviar (Without the Fish)

Chosen Foods

Made with 100% pure avocado oil and a blend of cinnamon, ginger, nutmeg, and allspice, this Pumpkin Spice Olive Oil Caviar is best with ice cream, coffee, pastries, and more.

Chosen Foods Pumpkin Spice Olive Oil Caviar ($19.99)—Buy Here!

A Watch Band They Can Dress Up or Down

Amazon

Black is the new black this spooky season, and the unique pattern and texture of this watch band goes with everything!

Black Metal Apple Watch Band ($19.99)—Buy Here!

 

All the products listed are independently & personally selected by our shopping editors.

If you buy something from the links in this article, we may earn affiliate commission or compensation. Prices and availability reflect the time of publication.

All images courtesy of retailers.

 

Plus, the brand-new Tiana’s Palace restaurant is now open

It’s always a good time to visit Disneyland, but nothing beats the spooktacular fun at Halloween Time! Through October 31, you can expect to find Halloween celebrated throughout Disneyland and Disney California Adventure Park from the costume characters to the immersive rides and special food items.

Dia de los Muertos is also a part of the fun this time of year with live entertainment running through November 2 in the Plaza de la Familia cultural experience.

We checked out the scene as Halloween Time and the Plaza de la Familia experiences kick off and have the full scoop on when you can expect this year along with the brand-new Tiana’s Palace restaurant that you’re going to want to check out.

What’s New For Halloween Time 2023 at Disneyland

Disneyland Resort

At Disneyland Park, you are sure to see plenty of your favorite characters in their finest Halloween-inspired get-ups. Mickey Mouse, Minnie Mouse, and some of their pals cast a ghostly glow with new outfits made with luminescent fabrics and bat details.

Joshua Sudock/Disneyland Resort

Jack Skellington and his friends from “Tim Burton’s The Nightmare Before Christmas” wreck the halls of Haunted Mansion Holiday once again and take you on a doom buggy ride the whole family will enjoy.

Joshua Sudock/Disneyland Resort

Each night you’ll be treated to a delightfully spooky display of vibrant lights, projections of ghosts flying through the air, frightful Halloween songs, and so much more. You may even get a fireworks display if you time your visit right.

What’s New for Halloween Time 2023 at Disney California Adventure Park

Disneyland Resort

Disney California Adventure Park had our favorite Halloween ride overlays that truly transformed the park into what felt like a Halloween Adventure Park. The family-friendly Mater’s Junkyard Jamboree in Cars Land opts for a happily hair-raising soundtrack to become Mater’s Graveyard JamBOOree. The nearby Luigi’s Rollickin’ Roadsters takes guests on a wicked whirl as Luigi’s Honkin’ Haul-O-Ween.

What’s New for Plaza de la Familia 2023

Plaza de familia at Disneyland Halloween Time
Disneyland Resort

Be sure to catch “A Musical Celebration of Coco” at the Paradise Gardens Park in Plaza de la Familia for a heartwarming celebration of family. If you’re lucky you can even get a picture with Miguel. Speaking of music, nearby at the Paradise Garden Bandstand, we loved the Mariachi Divas who performed some of our favorite traditional Mexican songs.

New Food Offerings for Halloween and Dia de los Muertos

Disneyland Resort

One thing we know about Disneyland Resort is they’re going to roll out familiar favorites but they’ll also keep plenty of new and exciting offerings coming our way. This year for Halloween and that’s evidenced by all of the new merchandise and food located throughout the resort. Some of the ones that stood out were: Poison Apple Macaron, Pumpkin Cheesecake Cold Brew, Curry Royale (spiced fried cauliflower, basmati and green pea rice, and spinach with chickpeas and romanesco served with curry sauce – plant-based), Poison Apple Funnel Cake Fries, Apple Strudel Hard Float, and Candy Corn Churros. Yum!

Specially for Plaza de la Familia, Paradise Garden Grill will feature a limited-time menu that invites families to partake in a valued tradition in Mexican culture with menu highlights including chile verde chicken flautas, carnitas burrito, a plant-based chorizo quesadilla, and vanilla layer cake.

*Pro Tip: Take advantage of mobile ordering within the Disneyland Mobile App. It allows guests to pre-order and pre-pay for food at participating (counter service) restaurants throughout the resort. Skip the line and go straight to the pick up area for your order; this is especially exciting with kids.

The parks always go all out for the holiday, but this is the first time Goofy’s Kitchen at Disneyland Hotel will feature characters dressed in Halloween attire, fall decor, and themed desserts.

Exciting New Attractions Around the Resort

Disneyland Resort

If you’re planning a fall visit you’re in for some exciting new additions to both parks, including the opening of Tiana’s Palace in New Orleans Square. This quick-service restaurant inspired by “The Princess and the Frog” serves some of your favorite New Orleans-inspired dishes like gumbo, cajun spiced half chicken with baked macaroni and cheese, muffuletta sandwiches, Po’boys, and shrimp and grits. *Please note this is not a character dining location but you may be lucky enough to see Tiana strolling through New Orleans Square throughout the day.

Christian Thompson/Disneyland Resort

Across the way at Disney California Adventure Park, enter through the iconic San Fransokyo Gate Bridge for a new dining experience that you cannot miss.  San Fransokyo Square is inspired by the film, “Big Hero 6” and is a merger of……you guessed it, San Francisco and Tokyo. The food selections are vast and the offerings are diverse featuring selections such as Boudin sourdough bread bowls, a festive beer garden featuring Karl Strauss beers, Soba Noodle salad, street corn, margaritas (and non-alcoholic options), birria tacos, Ghirardelli desserts, and so much more.

This district also includes fun shopping options such as San Fransokyo Maker’s Market, Collectible Medallions, and Pan Pacific Pin Traders. Kid and adult fans alike will love the character meet and greet for Baymax and Hiro.

Tips for Your Disneyland Halloween Visit

Jill Carter

Our family had an amazing time at Disneyland Resort. I must say one of the things that helped was entering the park with a plan and list of all the things we wanted to see, do and eat. That really helped us expertly navigate our way through both parks and focus on our collective “Musts.” Do yourself a favor and plan out the details of your trip so that you can maximize your time there. I don’t even know if Halloween itself will compare to our experience at Disneyland Resort!

 

Note: This trip was paid for by Disneyland Resort but all opinions expressed here belong to the writer. 

Need a good laugh to get through the spooky season? These Halloween jokes will do the trick

You’ve got your doorway tricked out with decorations, Halloween-themed books on the shelf, and Halloween candy in order. Now it’s time for some good old-fashioned fun that isn’t too frightening. Halloween doesn’t have to be all about the scare: it’s a great time to yuk it up with silly jokes for kids. We’ve rounded up a list of sweet and funny Halloween jokes for kids that are sure to bring on jack-o’-lantern grins. Get ready to start laughing (and groaning) and feel free to head over to this post for some printable Halloween jokes. In the mood for some more giggles? Check out some special toddler jokes and extra squeaky-clean ones.

Click here to save this list to your Halloween board on Pinterest.

Monster Jokes Perfect for Halloween

1. What monster plays tricks on Halloween?

Prank-enstein!

2. What kind of music do mummies love?

Wrap music.

3. What is a monster’s favorite dessert?

I scream!

(Thanks, Kaylen!)

4. What’s big, scary, and has three wheels?

A monster riding a tricycle!

5. Why does Frankenstein’s Monster always finish his dinner first?

Because he bolts it down.

6. What kind of car does a goblin take to go Trick or Treating? 

A monster truck.

7. Why did the zombie skip school?

He felt rotten.

8. What is a zombie’s favorite thing to eat?

Brain food.

Vampire Jokes Perfect for Kids

9. What kind of tests do vampires give their students?

Blood tests.

10. What happens when a vampire goes in the snow?

Frost bite!

11. What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?

A blood orange.

—Rianna G., age 10

12. Why don’t vampires have more friends?

Because they are a pain in the neck.

13. What do you give a vampire when he’s sick?

Coffin-drops.

14. What kind of dog does Dracula have?

A blood hound.

15. Where do vampires keep their money?

The blood bank.

16. How does a vampire start a letter?

Tomb it may concern…

17. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?

Frost bite!

18. How can you tell a vampire has a cold?

She starts coffin.

Ghost Jokes Perfect for Halloween

mom telling son in a ghost costume halloween jokes
iStock

 

19. How do ghosts wash their hair?

With shamboo.

20. What happens when a ghost gets lost in the fog?

He is mist.

21. What room does a ghost not need?

A living room.

22. What position does a ghost play in hockey?

Ghoulie.

23. What kinds of pants do ghosts wear?

Boo-jeans.

24. Where do baby ghosts go during the day?

Dayscare centers!

25. What is a ghost’s nose full of?

Boooooogers!

26. Why are ghosts bad liars?

Because you can see right through them.

27. What’s a ghost’s favorite fruit?

Boo-berries.

—Elijah, age 11

Jokes About Witches Kids Will Love

28. What’s a witch’s favorite subject in school?

Spelling.

29. What does a witch use to do her hair?

Scarespray!

30. What do you call two witches living together?

Broommates.

31. What do you call a witch who goes to the beach?

A sand-witch.

Related: 14 Halloween Minute to Win It Games for Kids

Skeleton Jokes for Kids

A skeleton and a pumpkin on a front stoop
iStock

 

32. What instrument does a skeleton play?

The trombone.

33. Why didn’t the skeleton go to school?

His heart wasn’t in it.

34. Why didn’t the skeleton go to the dance?

Because he had no “body” to dance with.

35. Have you heard how popular the local cemetery is?

People are just dying to get in.

36. Why do skeletons stay so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin.

37. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?

Because there was no body on the other side.

—Grandpa Jo, 54
38. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?

He didn’t have the guts.

—Londynn, 9

39. Why did the skeleton avoid going to see a horror movie? 

They didn’t have the stomach for it.

Related: 20 Halloween Party Ideas That Are a Scary Good Time

Halloween Jokes for Kids

jack o lanterns
David Menidrey on Unsplash

 

40. What does a pumpkin like to read?

Pulp fiction.

41. What happens when you stay up all night on Halloween?

Something dawns on you.

42. Why was there thunder and lightning inside the laboratory?

Because Dr. Frankenstein and Igor were brain “storming.”

43. Why did the headless horseman start his own business? 

He wanted to get ahead in life.

44. What fruit do scarecrows love the most?

Straw-berries.

45. How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?

A pumpkin patch.

46. When is it bad luck to be followed by a black cat?

If you are a mouse.

47. What did the little boy say when she had to choose between a tricycle and candy?

Trike or Treat!

48. What candy do you eat on the playground? 

Recess pieces.

49. What do birds say on Halloween?

Trick or Tweet!

50. Are black cats bad luck?

Only if you’re a mouse.

51. Why was the broom late?

It over swept.

52. What does an evil hen lay?

Deviled eggs.

53. What time is it when the clock strikes 13?

Time to get a new clock.

 

 

Go beyond chips and dip and try these top Trader Joe’s snacks at your next party

Whether you need new options for kid lunches or you want something fun to offer at your next moms’ night soirée, Trader Joe’s has loads of fun snackable options that go way beyond chips and guac. The cult-status market has stocked its shelves with several new snack options in the past month, and we rounded out our picks with a few tried-and-true classics.

ABC Bars

Kate Loweth

These almond butter cocoa bars have just the right amount of sweetness to go along with the 4g of protein that you'll find in each bar. 

Soft & Juicy Mandarins

Kate Loweth

Keep a bag or two of these little sweeties in your minivan for when you need a sweet treat but want to avoid the candy. 

Cheddar Cheese Rockets

Kate Loweth

We will literally fight anyone who doesn't think these cheese crackers are far superior to Goldfish. They just are. 

Just a Handful of Pitted Salted Manzanilla Olives

Love olives but don't want to commit to a whole jar? These beauties come in a pocket-sized pack and we love to bring them on picnics when you need to satisfy those salt cravings. 

Organic Mini Cheese Sandwich Crackers

Kate Loweth

You may claim that these are for the kids, but we know that parents hide them behind the Raisin Bran to keep them for themselves. Who can blame them? These crackers are tiny, salty, and full of simple ingredients. 

Almond Butter Pretzels

Kate Loweth

You may have tried the peanut butter varieties of this salty snack, but we're here to say that the almond butter version is far superior. 

Trader Joe's Contemplates Inner Peas

Kate Loweth

Not only is this product a clever pun but it is a pretty tasty snack. Known in the toddler circle as "crunchy peas," these are fun for dipping in a personal-sized hummus. 

PB&J Bars

Kate Loweth

Bring these along for a mid-hike pick me up or keep them on hand as a sandwich alternative when you are really desperate at the end of the week. 

Organic Carrots of Many Colors

Trader Joe's

White, purple, yellow & orange carrots are cut, peeled, and dehydrated to bring us this crisp snack that's topped with sea salt. The gluten-free, two ingredients snack is packed with fiber and protein and tastes great with TJ's Spinach & Kale Greek Yogurt Dip.

Crunchy Nutty Rice Bites

Trader Joe's

Kosher and gluten-free, these Crunchy Nutty Rice Bites are a tasty snack that's easy on the waistline. Crisped brown and white rice are mixed with quinoa, dried cranberries, almonds, pumpkin seeds, and cashews that are flavored with cane sugar and sea salt and enjoyed by the handful.

Chile Spiced Dried Mango

Trader Joe's

Snack on something sweet and spicy with Trader Joe's Child Spiced Dried Mango. The tropic fruit is carefully dried so that they don’t lose too much moisture and then seasoned with a blend of paprika, cayenne, sugar, and salt.

Fruit Sauce Crushers

Trader Joe's

Coming in five different flavors, Trader Joe's Fruit Sauce Crushers are great for little snackers. Each one is made with real fruit and vegetable purees, that are void of synthetically derived colors, artificial flavors, or preservatives. Perfect for lunches and on the go!

Just a Handful Omega Trek Mix

Trader Joe's

The Just a Handful Omega Trek Mix is the perfect grab-and-go snack. Each bag comes with 10 individual-size servings that include almonds, walnuts, pepitas, pecans, pistachios, and dried cranberries, which are Omega-fortified with oil extracted from their own seeds.

Organic Fruit & Seed Granola

Trader Joe's

For this granola option, Trader Joe’s decided to think outside the cereal box. Instead of relying on oats, which are a granola staple, this version is heavy on sunflower, sesame, flax, chia, and hemp seeds as well as coconut, dried cranberries, and raisins. In addition to being organic, it’s also grain and gluten-free, and vegan. Grab these clusters by the handful, or top yogurt or oatmeal for energy that will get you to lunch. TJ’s also recommends it in trail mix or even on a salad!

Citrus Melody Greek Whole Milk Yogurt

Trader Joe's

Speaking of yogurt, this Greek yogurt flavor is sure to satisfy and refresh our palettes heading into summer. If you’re a fan of lemon and lime, grapefruit, and blood orange, this is the protein-packed yogurt for you.

Creamy Tomato Soup Seasoned Crackers

Trader Joe's

Anyone who fondly remembers Trader Joe’s adventurous Pumpkin Soup Crackers will be pleased to know they’re at it again with these gluten-free soup crackers, made of brown rice, rolled oats, and seasoned like your favorite tomato soup. And just as a bowl of creamy tomato soup goes perfectly with grilled cheese, these crackers and sliced cheddar may well have been made for each other.

Coconut Sesame Seed Clusters

Trader Joe’s

When hunger strikes between meals, we usually crave something sweet and easy—which doesn’t always lead to the healthiest choices (a whole bag of chocolate bark, anyone?). Trader Joe’s new Coconut Sesame Seed Clusters deliver sweetness and lasting energy in a convenient snack bag you can throw in your bag or keep in the car—and this yummy concoction won’t melt as the days warm up!

Spud Crunchies

Trader Joe's

If the kids (or you) can’t get enough French fries, try out this simple snack version. Comprised only of U.S. Russet potatoes, canola oil, and salt, you know what you’re getting (rather than the additives often on regular fries these days, including gluten.). The package alone is too adorable not to try.

Crispy Crunchy Okra

Gabby Cullen

Many parents may already know that Trader Joe’s Crispy Crunchy Broccoli Florets are an awesome way to get greens into the kids, but the store is now serving up an okra version. Eat them plain or substitute them for crackers with your favorite dip.

Organic Chocolate Chip Chewy Granola Bars

Jennifer Massoni Pardini

Sometimes, everyone just needs some chocolate. Getting it with only eight grams of sugar is a good deal, one for which you can thank these organic and kid-approved granola bars.

Organic Fruit Wraps

Trader Joe's

If you’ve been known to grab one of the kid’s fruit leathers stashed in your bag, these are truly 100% fruit, making them healthy and delicious for all. Flavor options include fruit juices or purees from apples, raspberries, strawberries, blueberries, and wild berries. And as popular as they’ve become over the last decade they’ve been making them, Trader Joe’s hasn’t raised their price once. 

Freeze-dried Fruit

Jennifer Massoni Pardini

If you have a kid who prefers fruit crunchy, you likely already know that Trader Joe’s offers an amazing assortment of freeze-dried options—strawberries, blueberries, bananas, Fuji apples, and raspberries are usually in stock. While the water may be gone, all that fruity nutrition remains. And they’re always in season!

Additional reporting by Jennifer Massoni Pardini

 

Whether you’re looking for party favors or a special treat, Portland’s got some of the best candy stores and chocolate shops around

If you’ve got kids, you know candy is part of deal. And not just because it’s a requirement for many holidays and special occasions (we’re looking at you, Halloween). With Valentine’s Day just around the corner, we thought you might be on the hunt for some special sweets for your kids or your partner in parenting. That’s why we did the hard work of heading out in search of the best candy stores and chocolate shops in town. And boy, did we find more than a few that will satisfy your sweet tooth. So the next time you need a little extra sugar in your day, be sure to visit one of these spots.

The Best Candy Stores in Portland

1. Moonstruck Chocolate

Moonstruck? More like heart-struck by how insanely good these truffles are. Seriously, if you are a chocolate lover then you have to check out Moonstruck's array of truffles, caramels, bars, and bundles. Own your preferences because Moonstruck has it all, not to mention all their products are ethically sourced and handcrafted with local ingredients.

17905 N.E. Sandy Blvd.
Portland
Online: moonstruckchocolate.com

Related: Holy Cacao! Where to Score the Best Hot Chocolate in Portland

2. Rocket Fizz

This sugar-filled store has it all—wildly-flavored sodas, retro candies, and saltwater taffy in every flavor imaginable. Packed with chocolates, candies, and hilarious gift items, the Portland location of Rocket Fizz is an explosion of fun. You can thrill your kids when you hit up this candy store where you'll find classic candies like Reeses, Mars Bars, and Pez—and adults are sure to love the retro-candy selection. Rocket Fizz has something for every kind of sweet tooth, so be sure to stop by if you're looking for a little bit of inspiration.

535 S.W. 6th Ave.
Portland
Online: rocketfizz.com

3. The Candy Basket

This factory outlet is in an unassuming building in east Portland, but it hides a fun stop for buckets of candy. Don’t miss the crowning glory at the entrance—a 40-foot chocolate waterfall. While you can’t dip a cup in and taste, it does make a great photo op. In the gift shop you can pick up salt water taffy, truffles, chocolate covered gummy bears, and more. Shop online for delivery, as well.

1924 N.E. 181st Ave.
Portland
Online: candybasketinc.com

4. Lolli & Pops

You'll feel like you've just stepped into a storybook at this adorable candy store just outside the city. With a color scheme that rivals the best-tasting cotton candy, and a vast inventory that's sure to please everyone that walks through the doors, this spot exudes charm. No matter what you're looking for, you'll find it here. Imported candy that's hard to get? They've got it. Bulk candy you can stock up on? Check. Seasonal sweets for every occasion? Absolutely. In fact, you don't even need a special occasion to stop in here. 

Insider Tip: Lolli & Pops ins't the only candy store you'll find here. You can also pick up sweets at Candy Tyme and See's.

Clackamas Town Center
12000 S.E. 82nd Ave.
Happy Valley, OR
Online: lolliandpops.com

5. Creo Chocolate

Don't call it repetitive advertising, call it the truth: give the gift of love with chocolate. Why kid ourselves? The gift of love, when it all boils down, will always be those sweet, tiny morsels. Vegan? Creo believes everyone should enjoy chocolate all the same and has two customizable plant-based options. Their normal selections of chocolate bars, truffles, and caramels are available, too. Drooling yet? Good, jump in the car and get your sugar a little sugar—and get yourself something while you're at it.

122 N.E. Broadway
Portland
Online: creochocolate.com

Related: Best Donut Shops in Portland

6. Azar Indulgences

Chocolate this, dairy that, gluten here, gluten there—how in the heck is someone who has a restricted diet supposed to indulge in the deliciousness of sweets with all this run-of-the-mill chocolate? Never fear, Azar Indulgences in SW Portland has a variety of chocolates that are dairy-free, vegan, and gluten-free. Don't miss out on a day plied with chocolate without having some yourself. Head to Azar to swoop up these restriction-friendly delights ASAP. Azar sells boxes, bars, and individual chocolates, depending on how big that sweet tooth of yours is.

712 S.W. Salmon St.
Portland
Online: chocolate.azarindulgences.com

7. The Meadow

Here's a quick head's up: you will go to one of The Meadow's four locations for chocolate, but you might leave with more than just sugar. If you love to browse, this store is the place for you. Who knows, perhaps your hunt for an amazing chocolate shop will land you with a new salt block, a bouquet of flowers, bitters, or any of The Meadow's other wonderful gifts. Think of it as a two-for-one opportunity. Their chocolate selection has seasonal arrivals, dark, milk, and white chocolate, as well as flavored chocolate options and packaged drinking chocolates. Plus, some of The Meadow's flowers or a bottle of their wine wouldn't be a terrible addition to your bag on the trip.

Locations in Nob Hill, North Portland, Southeast Portland & Nolita/Soho
Online: themeadow.com

Related: The Coolest Ice Cream Shops You Can Visit Now

8. Betty Rose's Chocolate & Coffee

Formerly Fleur Chocolatte & Wine, this Portland candy store, just over the border, is under new ownership as of the first of the year and has a new name—Betty Rose's Chocolate & Coffee. But don't worry, its strong suit—truffles—is still the same. From Butter Pecan to Almond Coconut, Betty Rose's has flavors that will appease any palate. Into minty freshness? Traditional flavors or novel ones, any of these little treats will have your kids asking why you didn't buy a second box. Try a sampler pack in case decision paralysis takes over. Or if you know exactly what you want, mix and match any truffles for the ultimate flavor experience. 

1304 Main St.
Vancouver, WA
Online: fleur-chocolatte.com

There’s something for everyone on your list at your neighborhood Trader Joe’s

The holiday season is here—are you looking for that last-minute gift idea? No need to make a separate run to the mall, just head to your local Trader Joe’s. The grocer has the perfect selection of quick gifts, including Trader Joe’s gift cards, beauty products, home decor, and more. Your recipients will be thrilled with whatever you pick out for them—we know it. And don’t forget to pick up the best Trader Joe’s holiday products while you’re there!

Felt Ball Wreath

Felt ball wreath is a Trader Joe's gift idea
Kate Loweth

What says "I love Trader Joe's and I love the holidays" more than a festive wreath made out of colored or white felt balls? Gift it with a bottle of wine. $19.99

Gummy Bear Flavored Lip Duo

Trader Joe's gifts: Gummy Bear Flavored Lip Duo
Kate Loweth

New for 2022: The word on TikTok is that this is a pretty close dupe to the favorite set from Lineage but we'll leave that judgment to you. We love this option as a stocking stuffer. Get it for $6.99

Crackling Red Fruits in the Forest Candle

Trader Joe's gifts: Crackling Red Fruits in the Forest Candle
Kate Loweth

New for 2022: These have a wood wick so you'll think you're sitting by the fire this holiday season. $9.99

Grump Tree

Kate Loweth

Whether you’re feeling a little Grinchy or you’re short on space to decorate, these adorable little trees are the perfect accent to warm your home and your heart. The skinny evergreen Cyprus trees are wrapped in a red ribbon and topped with a single red ornament. Perfect to bring to your neighbor's Christmas party. $9.99

Moisturizing Lip Balm Set

Kate Loweth

The mango flavor tops our list but with six to choose from, you'll definitely find one that suits your mood. $5.99

Hot Cocoa Polar Bear

Kate Loweth

New for 2022: These take hot cocoa bombs to the next level and we.are.here.for.it. They make the perfect stocking stuffer or gift to go along with your gift card. $1.99

Olive Wood Cutting Boards

Trader Joe's gifts: Olive Wood Cutting Boards

We love these for charcuterie any time of year and Trader Joe's has a pretty epic cheese selection to get the party started. $12.99

Chocolate Passport

Trader Joe's gifts everyone will love
Kate Loweth

Go on a journey of indulgence with these too-cute boxes of chocolates that take you to Peru, Ecuador, Venezuela, The Dominican Republic, Ghana, Papua New Guinea, Sao Tome, and Tanzania. Perfect for the chocolate lover on your list. $9.99

Paperwhites

Trader Joe's gifts: paperwhite bulbs
Kate Loweth

These are an inexpensive addition to any gift this holiday season and they are pretty fool-proof as well. $3.99

Boozy Little Chocolate Truffles

Kate Loweth

Whether you gift these to the mailman or your child's teacher, we know they'll love these tiny chocolates with a kick. $6.99

Merry & Bright Skin Care Trio

Trader Joe's gifts: Merry & Bright Skin Care Trio

Vitamin C serum, face mask, and lip balm are the favorite products that make it into this set for just $9.99. 

Candle Trio

Kate Loweth

Cranberry pine, fresh currant, and nutmeg are the holiday scents that make up this fun trio. $7.99

Hand-Woven Newspaper Basket

Kate Loweth

These baskets are a great size for displaying those holiday books by the fireplace or for tucking in a snuggly blanket. $6.99

Olive Wood Bowl Trio

Kate Loweth

For $29.99, you can snag this set of three that's perfect for displaying your Jingle Jangle at your holiday party. 

Jingle Jangle

https://www.instagram.com/p/CWb6DeiPby2/?hidecaption=true

Cookies, chocolate, candies, pretzels, oh my! The coveted Jingle Jangle tin makes the perfect hostess gift (or maybe even a little gift to yourself!).

Find it in the seasonal section for $10.

Hot Chocolate Sticks

Trader Joe's

Perfect as a family gift or to bring for a hostess, these hot chocolate sticks will power any giftee through the chilly winter.  They are made with 46% dark cocoa, with cocoa butter and pure cane sugar and fashioned into 3.5-inch sticks that dissolve when stirred for two to three minutes. 

You can pick up a 7 ounce box for $3.29.

Cookie Mixes

Karly Wood

Whether you break up this trio of baking mixes or give them all to one person, you can't go wrong with TJ's variety of cookie mixes. After all, the holidays are all about getting your bake on, but not everyone has the desire to make cookies from scratch. Perfect for teachers or neighbors, pair a mix with a cute dishcloth or whisk and you've got a fun and festive gift! This year, Trader's has Peppermint Chocolate Chunk Cookie Mix and a delicious Pfeffernüsse Cookie Mix.

Find these mixes in the baking aisle starting at $2.99 each.

Felted Wool Trivets

Kate Loweth

Multiple colors are available this year, perfect for dressing up your holiday table. $4.99

Peppermint Cream, Gingerbread & Egg Nog Liqueur

Kate Loweth

Want to spice up that holiday beverage? Just top it off with a little Peppermint Cream, Gingerbread, or Egg Not Liqueur! Made with vodka, these come in at $7.99.

Felted Wool Garland

Kate Loweth

Three colors to choose from and some are even seeing a mini version of these, perfect for your Elf on the Shelf holiday display. $9.99

Mistletoe

Karly Wood

Meet me under the mistletoe! This preserved product is meant to last the entire season and would make a sweet gift for the loved ones in your life.

A box is just $2.49 and can be found near the front of the store.

Trader Joe's Gift Card

https://www.instagram.com/p/B5p4uymF7HI/?hidecaption=true

Can you ever go truly wrong with a gift card? Let your family and friends grab their fave products on their own time when you wrap up a Trader Joe's gift card that can be used in any store at any time.

Fantastic Florals

Karly Wood

No need to spend copious amounts of moolah on a seasonal floral bouquet, especially when you hit up Trader's. Before you check out, sample the amazing holiday bouquets, classic bunches and glam greenery that always lines the buckets of the grocer's floral department. You'll never need to show up at a holiday shindig empty-handed again!

Wine

Karly Wood

TJ's has long been known for its excellent and well-priced array of wine and this holiday you can take full advantage. Whether your giftee loves a good import or prefers a subtle sauvignon blanc, you can easily shop the vino department with confidence that whatever you choose, it has Joe's stamp of approval––and it won't break the bank.

Cheese, Please

Good Trader Joe's gifts include a variety of cheese
Trader Joe's

Cinnamon Toscata, Chimay Autumn Cheese, Baked Blood Orange Chocolate Chip Ricotta––these are just a few of the decadent cheeses at your fingertips at TJ's. Pick up a few unique wedges and pair with chocolates, crackers or wine for the perfect hostess gift!

Chocolate

Trader Joe's

There's something for everyone for the holidays at Trader Joe's! Sink your teeth into Dark Chocolate Almond Butter Cups, the Taste Test of Caramels or Dark Chocolate Liqueur Cherries. Keep an eye out for specialty assortments, too!

Gourmet Coffee & Tea

Trader Joe's

Help your loved ones cozy up this holiday with beautifully packaged teas and coffees that only Trader Joe's can do. Tins of teas and artful bags of coffee make great gifts that are easy to snag on your next TJ run.

All the Nog Products

Trader Joe's

Egg nog, almond nog, Greek whole milk yogurt egg nog––oh my! Nothing says the holidays like a nosh-worthy nog product! Pick up a few to wish your fam and friends a festive season on your weekly grocery run.

Candy Cane Joe-Joe's

Karly Wood

We've yet to meet a person who doesn't love Trader Joe's coveted Candy Cane Joe-Joe's! Loved one, neighbor, teacher or friend, you can't go wrong picking up a few boxes of these to keep around for last-minute gifts. Top with a red bow––or maybe a half-gallon of milk––there's no wrong way to Joe Joe.

Additional reporting by Karly Wood

 

Want to please everyone? Get one of these delicious, DMV-based pizza pies for a kid-friendly dinner!

There’s a reason kid’s parties always serve pizza—it’s easy, cheap, and a universal crowd pleaser. In fact, it’s the second most popular fast food in America and a safe bet to turn to when you want to make sure everyone (and we mean, everyone, you picky eaters!) is happy with their meal. The only hurdle? Narrowing down the choices.

Washington, DC’s pizza scene has exploded over the past five years and offers a myriad of choices. From Detroit-style slices at Side Door Pizza to wood-fired Neapolitan pizza at Pupatella, we rounded up the best local pizza parlors and pizzerias for a family meal in the DMV.

We, The Pizza
You’ll find a huge assortment of pies at these pizza shops—14 to be precise—and all flavors are available by the slice. You’ll also find a huge selection of homemade sodas, including Spicy Ginger Mango Sling and Blood Orange Creamsicle Sky. They also make Italian gelato shakes for those who want their soda to float.

4201 Wilson Blvd.
Arlington, VA

2100 Crystal Dr.
Arlington, VA

1301 U St. NW
U. St. Corridor

305 Pennsylvania Ave. SE
Capitol Hill
Online: wethepizza.com

Related: The BEST Pizza in Every State (& DC)

90 Second Pizza
Kids will enjoy watching their pizza spin to perfection in the 90 second oven at this Georgetown pizza joint. You’ll find chewy, Neapolitan-style pizzas that include your choice of up to three toppings. The wait here is never long; this restaurant lives up to its name and serves up fresh, piping-hot pizzas super fast (and their pies are pretty cheap). It’s a great place to grab a quick meal off M St. when strolling through G-town.

1077 Wisconsin Ave. NW
Georgetown
Online: 90secondpizza.us

All Purpose Shaw & All Purpose Pizzeria 
The folks behind Boundary Stone and The Red Hen are the creators of All-Purpose’s artisanal, Jersey-style pizzas that feature foodie toppings like hot honey and truffle oil. You can grab a pie in Shaw or near National’s Park in the Capitol Riverfront neighborhood. This pizzeria also serves up notable brunch with bottomless mimosas and, for the kids, Nutella-topped banana bread.

9 Potomac Ave. SE
Capitol Riverfront

1250 9th St. NW
Shaw
Online: allpurposedc.com

Timber Pizza
Kids will clamor for the two-person swing seat at this rustic pizzeria’s Petworth location. There is both indoor and outdoor seating, but this popular spot can boast a wait. The upside? There is much to see, do, and check out in the neighborhood. Pop into near-by Loyalty Books while you wait. You can also order a pizza to grab-and-go.

Insider Tip: Follow Timber’s mobile schedule to find out when Timber Pizza is available in your neck of the woods. 

4238 Wilson Blvd.
Arlington, VA

809 Upshur St. NW
Petworth
Online: timberpizza.com

Side Door Pizza
This Detroit-style pizzeria features thick crust and sauce-topped cheese. This pizza is strictly to-go, but there is a small picnic table outside the venue for those that need to immediately dive in.

Insider Tip: If you’re having trouble locating the door, look for the red neon sign. 

909 New Jersey Ave. SE
Navy Yard
Online: sidedoorpizza.com

Pupatella
The individual pizzas at this Neapolitan-style pizzeria are generous enough you can share a pie with a little eater. Fresh toppings with unique offerings, like pine nuts, make these pies foodie stand outs. The original Wilson Blvd. location boasts car benches made from a Fiat 500 and rainbow-themed outdoor dining (with fire pits!).

5104 Wilson Blvd.
Arlington, VA

1621 S Walter Reed Dr.
Arlington, VA

1821 Wiehle Ave.
Reston, VA

2980 District Ave.
Fairfax, VA

1801 18th St. NW
Dupont Circle
Online: pupatella.com

Andy’s Pizza
If you’re craving a slice of pizza from the Big Apple head to Andy’s for some NY-inspired pies. Andy’s is the gold-standard in pizza, taking home the World Pizza Champion title last year. There are five convenient locations scattered across the DMV with all but Shaw offering sit-down dining options.

2016 9th St NW
Shaw

2001 International Dr.
McLean, VA

2465 18th St NW
Adams Morgan

51 M St. NE
NOMA

1201 Half St SE
Navy Yard
Online: eatandyspizza.com

Pizzeria Paradiso
Pizzeria Paradiso operates four restaurants in the DMV, but all eyes are on the Georgetown location if you’re dining with kids. Keep the kids occupied while you wait for your food in the game room located in the  basement bar that features skee ball, shuffleboard, pin ball or an arcade game. If you have kids who like to nibble before their meal, you’ll appreciate the olives served while you wait for your wood-fired pizza.

Insider Tip: Patrons are invited to use the game room even when the bar is closed. 

3282 M St. NW
Georgetown

2003 P St. NW
Dupont Circle

124 King St.
Alexandria VA

4800 Rhode Island Ave.
Hyattsville MD
Online: eatyourpizza.com

Comet Ping Pong
This neighborhood gem truly caters to all needs. Everyone will love the pizza (with vegan and gluten-free options), and Mom and Dad (and adventurous tykes) should save room for the wood-roasted spaghetti squash, cauliflower, and beets. Or the Tin Roof Sundae. Or both—we won’t tell.

Insider Tip: Table tennis is free, but first come, first served so get there early if you plan to play. 

5037 Connecticut Ave. NW
Friendship Heights
Online: cometpingpong.com

Uno Pizzeria & Grill
The Chicago-inspired deep dish pizza at this joint is a crowd pleaser. If you are dining on site, be sure to ask your waiter for some pizza dough for the kiddos to play with—just like Play-Doh, but not quite as eyebrow-raising if they “accidentally” eat some of that abstract dinosaur sculpture. You can even get pizza dough to go!

Insider Tip: Make-Your-Own options at this chain include table side pizza kits and DIY sundaes for kids. 

Various locations in Virginia, Maryland and at Union Station in DC.
Online: unos.com

Related: 32 Lunch Ideas They Will Actually Eat

Pizzeria Orso 
The same folks behind upscale 2941 operate this casual, Neapolitan-style pizzeria that features wood-fired pies alongside Mediterranean comfort foods like oven-roasted olives and lamb skewers. Inside, kids can ooh and aah as they watch their pizza being fired. There is also an outdoor patio.

400 South Maple Ave.
Falls Church, VA
Online: pizzeriaorso.com

Pete’s New Haven Style Pizza
Pete’s New Haven Style Apizza in Friendship Heights knows how to feed a family. These oversized pizzas are a whopping 18-inches and serve up 12 slices (enough to feed your little army!). Don’t forget to ask for the namesake New Haven white pizza with fresh clams, garlic and EVOO.

4940 Wisconsin Ave. NW
Friedship Heights
Online: petesapizza.com

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&Pizza
Get your hunger pangs in check at this conveyor-belt pizza parlor, with locations across the city. The personal-size craft pizzas are made with fresh local ingredients. A popular choice is the Farmer’s Daughter, which combines a spicy tomato sauce, spinach, fennel sausage, fresh mozzarella, Parmigiano-Reggiano… all topped with red pepper chili oil and a cracked egg. Pickier palates can mix and match crust (there’s even a gluten free option), sauce, cheese and toppings.

1400 K St. NW
Downtown

1118 H St. NE
H St. Cooridor

1005 E St. NW
Downtown

Various additional locations in MD & VA
Online: &pizza.com

Related: ‘Za Best: 15 Pizza Recipes for Family Meals

Wiseguys Pizza
Get ready to dish up supersized slices when you purchase a pie from Wiseguys. There is only one size here, and it’s a whopping 18′.  You can build your own pizza or choose from unique offerings like Korean chicken or paneer tikka.

300 Massachusetts Ave. NW
Chinatown

2121 H St. NW
Foggy Bottom

1735 North Lynn St.
Rosslyn, VA

710 12th St. South
Arlington, VA

202 M St. SE
Canal Park
Online: wiseguypizza.com

Emmy Squared Pizza
For those that love thick-crust pizza, head to this establishment in Shaw that serves  Detroit-style in square-shapes (fun!). You’ll also find their famous burger, Le Big Matt., topping fresh pretzel rolls. Know someone who needs a square pizza in their life? Emmy Squared ships, too.

1924 8th St. NW
Shaw
Online: emmysquaredpizza.com

 

Stellina Pizzeria
Does it get better than a Michelin-rated pizza? Probably not. Inspired by Italian food carts and corner markets, Stellina restaurants feature a bottega in each store so you can buy their ingredients to make your own pizzas at home, too. If you’re dining at the restaurant, be sure to bring your pup; this place welcomes your entire family, fur babies included.

508 K St. NW
Mt. Vernon

2800 S. Randolph St.
Arlington, VA

399 Morse St. NE
Brentwood/Union Market
Online: stellinapizzeria.com

Because you know you need some clean jokes for the kiddos!

If you’ve spent any time scrolling through our big list of jokes for kids you might have noticed that many of them are sent into our editor directly from hilarious kids themselves. So we’ve rounded them up into one hysterically funny and adorable collection. Read on for the best silly, sweet, totally clean jokes for kids (by kids!).

iStock

1. What do you call Chewbacca with cookies in its fur?

A chocolate-chip Wookie. 

—Jake

 

2. What is a computer's favorite snack?

Computer chips!!

—reader Rebecca K.

3. What day of the week are most twins born on?

Twos-day! 

(submitted by reader Scooter T.!) 

4. What did one horse say to the other horse?

Neigh!

What did the kid say to the horse?

Hey! 

What did the mane say to the horse?

Nothing, you silly, a mane can't talk. 

—Henrik, age 8 

5. What do you call a fly with no wings?

A walk. 

—Jasper L., young reader submitted!

 

Kadres via Pixabay

6. Why did the police play baseball?

He wanted to get a catch!

—Yuna, age 8
 
 

7. What did the microwave say to the other microwave?

Is it just me? Or is it really hot in here?

—Yuna, age 8
 
 

8. What does a cow love to watch? 

A Moo-sical!

—Yuna, age 8
 

9. What does a cow love to watch?

A moo-vie!

—Yuna, age 8
 

10. What is a pirate's favorite movie?

The Avengrrrs!

—Yuna, age 8
 
 

11. What is a frog's favorite year?

Leap year!

—Yuna, age 8

12. Why was the snow yellow?

Because Elsa let it go!

—Kaylee

13. What do you call an ant who fights crime?

A vigilanty! 

—Joe L, age 10 

dad jokes for kids
Stormy All via Unsplash

14. How do they answer the phone at the paint store?

Yellow!

—Lily, age 6

15. Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?

To make up for his miserable summer.

—reader submitted by Kaci Y.

16. What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?

Primemates!

—Merci P., aged 10

17. What snack should you make for the Snowman Holiday Party?

Ice Krispy Treats

—Emmerson H., age 13

18. Why do scissors always win a race?

Because they take a shortcut!

—Foster, age 5

19. How do you stop a bull from charging? 

You unplug it!
 

—Jadyn, Age 12

iStock

20. What’s yellow and looks like a pineapple?

A lemon with a new haircut. 

—submitted (and created) by Rafael L. 

21. What do you call a deer with no eyes?

"No eye-deer." 

—also sent in by young Raffy 
 

22. What word starts with the letter t, ends with the letter t, and has t in it?

A teapot!

—young reader Collin S.

23. It took 10 workers 10 days to build a bridge.  How long would it take 5 workers to build the same bridge?

None—it’s already built!

—Liam, age 7

24. How do you make the word Tiger longer?

Ti-gerrrr

—Kabir, Age 9

25. How do you clean chicken?  -

Put it in the dishwasher.

—Kabir, Age 9

Burst via Pexels

26. What is black and white and looks like a penguin?

A penguin. 

—Zhan, age 5 
 
27. What did the dad say to his daughter at the cookout? 
 
This grill is on fire!
 

—Jadyn, 12 (This kid is on fire! 🤣)

 
28. What is a pirate's favorite body part?

 
The booty!

—C.J., age 9
 

29. If it takes two men to dig a hole in one day how long would it take for one man to dig a half a hole?           

There is no such thing as a half a hole.

—Eric, age 10
 

30. How do cats bake cake?

From scratch.
 

—reader Jacey

31. What is brown and sticky?

A stick.

—young reader Kohen

 

iStock

32. There's a girl on a boat in a pretty pink coat. What's her name?

What.

—Ray, age 9

33. Where does a rat go when it has a toothache?

 To the rodentist.
 
—Ray, age 9!
 

34. What does an alien do when it is bored in school?

Spaces out.
 
—Ray! (they are on a roll!), age 9
 

35. What does a broken plate say when she gets her cupcake?

Is this GLUE-ten free?

—Guess who? Ray! age 9

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39. What did the kid learn about knowledge?

It was all knowing.

—Reader submitted by Deziree
 

40. Why didn't the hyena cross the road?

He was too busy laughing.

—reader submitted by Gillian P.
 

41. What's a rabbit's favorite music?

Hip-hop.

—Henrik P.
 
 

42. What did they say when Marie Curie and Albert Einstein said the same thing at the same time?

Greatest minds think alike!

—Henrik, age 9

43. What do you call babies in the army?

Infantry! 

—Joe L., age 9

44. What is a cat's favorite color?

Purrr-ple! 
 
—Olivia W., age 7 

Victoria Borodinova via Pixabay

45. Why did the dragon cross the road?

Because he was too chicken to fly!       
 
—Joshua Y. 
 
 

46. Who won the race of princesses?

Rapunzel, By a hair!

—Josh Y! 
 

47. What did the egg say when it was late for breakfast?

I have to scramble!
 
—our buddy, Joshua Y. 
 

48. How do you stop a bull from charging?

You take away its credit card!

—Joshua Y. 

 

49. Where does the T-rex go shopping?

The dino store!

—Joshua Y., age 9 

50. Why was the rabbit happy?

Because somebunny loved him!

—Guess who? Joshua Y.! 

51. What did the pear say to the shoeless?

You need a pair of shoes. 

—reader submitted by Rose A. 

52. What do you call a bear with no ear?

A "B"

—Alexis R. 

53. What would happen if the dean lost his job?

He would lose his "ideanity." 

—Joshua Y. 

54. Why did the baby cross the road? 
 
To get to the whine shop!

—Matilda C., age 7
 

55. Why shouldn’t you trust stairs?

Because they are always up to something.

—Ryder, Age 3!!! 

 

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56. Why did the scarecrow win an award?

Because he was out standing in his field.

—Suzanna R. 

57. What do you call a cat burrito?

A purrito

—Rosewyn age 8 and 3 quarters 

58. What kind of key opens a banana?

A monkey!

—Rosewyn age 8 and 3 quarters 

59. How do you get a cat to code?

You Scratch it!
 

—Musegirl, 8

60. Why was the man mad at the clock?

He was ticked off!

—Nolan A. age 8

 

61. What is the strongest kind of shoe?

Under Armor!

—Liam A. age 9

62. Why did Rudolph have a bad report card?

Because he went down in History!

—Sreeja K., age 8 
 

63. Why don't scientists trust atoms?

Because they make up everything!

—Sreeja K., age 8 

64. Why can't you spell dark with a "c", so it says "darc"?

Because you can't c in dark!

—Shivani age 8

65. How do you clean a chicken?

An egg wash! 

—MB, age 12 

66. What's Joanna Gaines' favorite snack food?

Chips

—H.P., aged 9

Xavi Cabera via Unsplash

67. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?

He didn't have the guts. 

—Londynn, 9
 

68. What do you do when an astronaut’s wife is upset?

Give her some space.

—Jaden, 11
 

69. What do you call ants that bring you food and drinks?

Serv-ants! 

—Claire Y., age 8

70. Why couldn't the dinosaur sleep?

Because his brother was a dino-snore. He was boring AND loud. 

—David E., 5 

71.What is a vampire’s favorite fruit?

A blood orange.

—Rianna G., age 10

72. Knock knock! 

Who's there?

Banana. 

Banana who?

Knock knock! 

Who's there!

Banana. 

Banana who?

Knock knock!

Who's there?

Orange!

Orange who?

Orange you glad I didn't say banana!

—Carson H. 

 

funny jokes for kids girl laughing kid fun humor
Jose Ibarra via Unsplash

73. What do snakes like to binge watch?

Monty Python. 

—H.P., age 9

74. What do computers eat for lunch? 

Anything they can byte. 

—Henrik, age 9

75. Why can't a cyclops teach?

It only has one pupil. 

—KG, age 10

76. What's orange and sounds like a parrot?

A carrot! 

—Oliver, 7 

77. What be the pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?

Arrrr! 

No, it be the C! (Sea).

—A hilarious 6-year-old reader. 

78. Why do fish live in saltwater?

Pepper makes them sneeze! ACHOOOOOO!!!!!!

—Hasset A. 

79. Why are fish so smart?

Because they live in a school!

—Ronit P. 
 

The following four jokes were written by Kaleb, age 4, as told to his grandpa:

80. Why did the cow lie down in the grass? 

He was ground beef.

81. What did Mama cow say to Baby cow? 

It’s pasture bedtime.

82. Why did the phone walk in the water? 

He was wading for a phone call.

83. What is blue, but not heavy?

Light blue.

Abdulmomn Kadhim via Pixabay

84. How do you find Will Smith in the snow?

You look for fresh prints. 

—Joshua N.  

85. What is the best day to visit McDonalds?

Fry-Day!

—Gianni, age 6

86. What's a cow's favorite drink?

A s-moooo-thie.

—Young readers Jax (7) and Kora (5)

87. Knock knock!

Who’s there?

Cow

Cow who? 

Cows don’t say who, they say moooo!

—Adalyn, age 5

88. Why did the tomato stop?

Because he was out of juice. 

—Karma E. 

89. What are cats best at?

Cat-apulting!

—Macy (10)

90. What kind of stick does a cat chase?

A cat-stick!

—Macy (10)

91. What kind of fruit does a dog eat?

A dog-berry!

—Macy(10) & Katie (34)

92. Why do hockey players make great bankers?

Because they are good at checking.

—Henrik, age 9 3/4

93. Why won't Santa go in the chimney anymore?

He's claus-trophobic.

—E.A., 7 

94. Mr. Red and Ms. Red live in the red house; Mr. Purple and Ms. Purple live in the purple house. Who lives in the white house?

The president!

—submitted by young reader Gwen I. 

95. Why did the chicken cross the road?

It was trying to get away from the KFC.

—Ben, age 8

96. Who sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?

A nervous wreck. 

—Alesha, age 11 

97. Why was the snowman in the box?

Because he was picking his nose.
  
—Peter, age 8

iStock

These next five were sent in from Jax (7) and Kora (5):

98. What’s a dog's favorite toy?

A funny bone!

99. What’s a cow's favorite rock?

A mooo-n rock

100. What’s the scariest plant?

Bam-booo!

101. What’s a cow's favorite place to go?

The mooo-vies!

102. What’s the scariest injury?

A booo-booo!

(Jax & Kora!) 

103. Why did the girl spread peanut butter on the road?

To go with the traffic jam!

—Scarlett 

104. What did the salad say to the carrot after it lost the fight?
You've lettuce down.

—Joe, age 10

105. Why can't Elsa hold a balloon?

Because she will let it go!

—Cheyenne, age 9

106. What do you get when you cross a horse with a narwhal?

A unicorn! 

—Sophia M. 

107. Mr. and Ms. Violet lived in the violet house, Mr. and Ms. Green lived in the green house, why couldn't Mr. and Ms. White live in the white house?

Because the president was already living there!

—Sara S. 

108. What did the mummy bread say to the baby bread?

I loaf you!

—Sheen, 7

109. Why didn't the curtain go up?

Because it wanted to stretch out! 

—Sanshray, age 7

110. What part of your body can cause the end of the world?

Your apoco-lips!

—AJ, age 8!

111. Why did the king go to the bathroom?

He wanted to sit on the throne.

—Eric, age 10

112.  What does a cow like to drink?

A smoothie! 

—Carolina, age 8

iStock

113. Why didn't the koala pass the test?

He did not koalafiy. 

—Paxton 

114. Where does Cupid get his arrows?

From Target!

—Benjamin T., age 11 

115. What is the best time to see a dentist?

Tooth-hurty!!! 

—Tyler R. 

116. What did the salad say to the carrot when it asked for directions to a restaurant?

Beets me!

—Joe, age 10

117. What did the camper say to the other?

Can I have s'more?
 
—Xitlali, age 10 (and a half)
 

118. Why did the lion cross the road?

To get to the other pride!

119. What mood best describes a sad librarian?

Under the books.

—Elliana

120. What do you call a Buffalo that likes beef?

A Beef-alo

121. What does a camel say to a hunter?

Do you need some camel-flage

122. Why does the dinosaur like the bathroom?

Because it’s ex-stink-t

123. Why does the dentist use a computer?

Because it has Bluetooth.

—Jokes 120-123 courtesy of Gunner, age 8

124. Q: “What’s the best food to eat in the winter?”
A: “Brrrr-gurs!”
—Foster, age 7.5

Are you a kid with a joke to add? Send it to kate.loweth@tinybeans.com and we’ll put it in the story!

 

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