Question: What piece of advice do you wish you had known prior to having kids?
A few days ago we received some wonderful news about someone close to us expecting their first child. When they told us the news they then asked, “Do you have any advice for us?” Definitely a common question that many first-time parents ask. While my first thought was to say, “You should have used protection” it somehow seemed inappropriate at the moment (but still funny). But, at the end of the day, it really got me thinking about what I wish I had known prior to having kids.
There are countless books and articles covering this topic but for each person, it is a personal answer. Each parent’s lives are impacted in such different ways that there is no single, correct answer that fits each person’s idea of parenthood. If I asked 10 people for their advice I believe that I would receive 10 different answers. I’m sure some people would say to be prepared for the lack of sleep, while others may talk about a drastic change in their social lives. For my wife and I, I think the biggest change when having children was how it redefined our marriage.
Prior to having children and while we were still in London, our marriage was so in sync that Justin Timberlake would have been impressed. We could predict one another’s thoughts and were always on the same page no matter the topic. We had a strong social calendar (as a couple and as individuals) and our home life was relatively simple. We had disagreements like any couple, but the vast majority of the time it was smooth sailing no matter which direction we went. As a couple, we were in a wonderful spot and loving every minute of our life abroad. Enter Kids…[cue doom and gloom music…jk]
“Happy marriages look to the future, not the past.” – Dale Partridge
To say that our children did a cannonball from a high dive into our simple, carefree, predictable life would be an understatement. From day one we rapidly learned just how unprepared we were despite having taken several classes and made all the appropriate preparations. And my wife and I…let’s just say that our marriage was quickly redefined in the most beautiful of ways. You see, the funny thing about kids is is that even though they can be pure anarchy, the absolute joy and innocence that they also bring to any family should be a reminder of what’s truly important. So, while our simple world was turned upside down, the 180-degree turn was the best decision that we ever made.
While it is true that our social lives have been kicked in the crotch, sleep is a luxury (hence the name Dad Loves Coffee) and much of our day revolves around the kid’s schedules, my wife and I have grown even closer as we’ve had to work together to keep our relationship strong. As a couple, we’ve had to figure out new ways to keep the spark alive while knee-deep in diapers. It’s been a major challenge that hasn’t been without arguments, but at the end of the day, it’s been a challenge that we’ve tackled together. While there are some days that we miss our care-free lifestyle (especially during the pandemic and isolation), we both know that we wouldn’t trade our new relationship and family for anything in the world.
So to any first-time, expectant parents, I would give this piece of advice: Understand and accept that your marriage and personal lives may/will change but you must work together to create a new definition of who you are as a couple. New boundaries will be drawn and a new set of expectations will emerge after the child is born, but it is in your best interest and the best interest of your children to keep your marriage strong despite the changes you’ll face. Because at the end of the day, the best thing that we can give our children is a strong, happy marriage.
Balding, gray-haired 30-something stay-at-home-Dad living in the Lincoln Square area of Chicago. Enjoys coffee, a cold pint and Bear Grylls while musing about parenthood and life.
Our world contains nearly 8 billion people and each one has a different story. And while we may connect with many individuals on a daily basis, whether at school or work, it’s your responsibility as a parent to teach your children how to lead with inclusive actions. This way, they’ll be able to display acceptance and compassion to everyone.
Why Should You Discuss Tolerance?
Your kids may encounter hundreds of others throughout their childhood. These peers won’t exhibit the same features. Instead, they’ll each have their own distinct traits. It’s essential for you to show your children that these characteristics are mostly surface-level. For instance, an individual who uses a wheelchair isn’t inherently weaker than a non-disabled person. It’s necessary to highlight those truths so that your kids don’t make assumptions.
It’s natural for your kids to ask “why?” when they see someone who appears to be different from them. If you choose to discuss tolerance from the start, it’ll be easier for your children to accept people earlier rather than later. The sooner you can prevent prejudice, the better! As a result, they’ll grow up to become strong leaders who advocate for others—and society benefits from these practices.
Here are ways to have conversations about community with your children while at home.
1. A Family Is a Family: This book by Sara O’Leary covers several appropriate topics. One character talks about how they’re raised by their grandmother, while another talks about their two fathers. It’s essential to emphasize that every person should feel included and welcomed no matter their gender, race, sexuality, or ability. This idea extends to family life. You don’t need to have a mother and a father to experience love. A story like this one can help your kids understand different family dynamics—and why it’s okay not to have a nuclear family by definition.
2. Sesame Street: In 2017, Sesame Street introduced its newest cast member named Julia. The puppet has autism, which viewers see through her various behavioral quirks. Unfortunately, it’s not always easy to find kid-appropriate television shows that address disabilities head-on. Programs like Sesame Street can teach children what autism looks like for some individuals. They give non-disabled individuals a glimpse into Julia’s world. This information can help them understand kids that they already know from school. Your children can recognize that it’s not wrong to act “differently.” These lessons can also teach them how to interact with others more productively.
3. Raising White Kids: Bringing Up Children in a Racially Unjust America: It’s never too early to talk to your kids about race. If you’re white, you likely recognize racism but you’re not sure how to address it as an issue. Maybe you don’t “see color,” even though it’s vital to acknowledge African American identities. In any case, it’s essential to educate yourself alongside your children. There’s always room to grow, especially when it comes to relevant topics like race. “Raising White Kids: Bringing Up Children in a Racially Unjust America” by Jennifer Harvey teaches families how to foster anti-racist dialogue so that their kids can navigate a diverse world. This book can help you raise children that know how to be impactful allies for their black peers, as well as other people of color.
4. Learning Our LGBTs: Lindsey Amer created a YouTube channel called “Queer Kid Stuff” to teach young children about sexuality. In her series “Learning Our LGBTs,” Amer sits down to talk about each letter that makes up “LGBT.” She uses kid-friendly language and examples to make the point that we’re all people who deserve to be treated with respect. If you need a more care-free way to discuss these points, try Amer’s show. This series can also help parents, especially if you’re unsure about how to approach more complicated concepts like gender identity. Indeed, your kids may not need to know about these notions for a few more years, but it’s never too early to learn.
5. Teaching Young Children About Race: Here’s a beneficial resource if you need actionable tips on how to teach your children to become anti-biased. “Teaching Young Children About Race: A Guide for Parents and Teachers” includes points that translate directly to reality. Writers Louise Derman-Sparks and Julie Olsen Edwards pull excerpts from “Anti-Bias Education for Young Children & Ourselves” to help readers resist prejudice and discrimination.
It’s always important to learn, but it’s even more necessary to put your knowledge to work. It’s never too early or too late to learn about inclusion. Your children should know how to show accept all individuals, no matter their gender, race, sexuality, or ability.
Jennifer Landis is a mom, wife, freelance writer, and blogger. She enjoys long naps on the couch, sneaking spoonfuls of peanut butter when her kid's not looking, and binge watching Doctor Who while her kid's asleep. She really does like her kid, though, she promises. Find her on Twitter @JenniferELandis.
Ready to turn your 2020 vacation plans way, way up? Picture your family on a two-week Aloha cruise to Hawaii, sailing through the Panama Canal over Thanksgiving, on a dazzling Disney ship or a luxury yacht in the Sea of Cortez. Yep, these incredible family cruises sailing out of San Diego are seriously next-level. It’s a whole new decade and time to make some travel memories. Read on to check out these dream family cruises and make plans to set sail on a vacation your family will never forget.
Hawaiian Islands on Carnival Miracle
Kerry Cushman
The anticipated return of Carnival to the Port of San Diego means families can set sail in 2020 with an affordable price tag. While a weekend cruise to Ensenada or weeklong trip to Mexico is always a good idea, Carnival’s 15-day dream cruise to Hawaii is a top pick. Hop aboard the Carnival Miracle for a round-trip sailing from San Diego to Hawaii with stops in Maui, Honolulu, Kauai, Kona and Hilo.
While you’ll love catching the aloha spirit exploring the Hawaiian Islands, life onboard is also pretty sweet. The whole family can get into the groove with karaoke, onboard pools, mini-golf and a waterslide. You'll also love Seuss at Sea, where the pages of the beloved books come to life in a Green Eggs & Ham Breakfast, story time and parade. When you’re ready to hit the adults-only pool or spa, kids ages 2-11 will have a blast at the complimentary kids camp, Camp Ocean. With age-based groups and activities, they’ll play games, dance, explore science and even share a kid-time meal together under the watchful eye of experienced counselors. Throw in 24-hour pizza and ice cream and your little ones will surely believe in miracles.
Go all-in on vacation with an epic 28-day cruise to Hawaii and the South Pacific on Holland America’s Oosterdam. This dream-come-true cruise departs San Diego and heads west exploring Hawaii before it crosses the equator to the magical islands of the South Pacific. Here, you'll stop to explore Christmas Island, Bora Bora, Papeete and Moorea before returning nearly a month later to San Diego.
While it’ll be hard to pull yourself away from the stunning aqua waters, onboard you’ll want to explore Holland America’s BBC Earth Experiences, which brings the ocean and natural world closer through concerts and film. Or, catch a live performance on the Lincoln Center Stage. Kids and teens have a space of their own to explore at Club Hal, a supervised spot with age-appropriate games and activities such as LEGO's, Xbox, scavenger hunts and karaoke disco parties. While they’re having fun, parents can relax by the pool, order room service or work on their personal growth with Holland America’s partnership with O, The Oprah Magazine, which brings to life the magazine’s commitment to wellness and the inspirational power of travel.
Thanksgiving just went from frazzled to care-free on a holiday cruise aboard Celebrity Summit. Celebrity Cruises is known for elevated dining options, modern decor and world-class entertainment, which means you can leave the gourmet cooking to them while you take in the American Ballet Theatre or a musical show. Kids and teens will love Camp at Sea with more than 500 activities designed just for them.
This 15-night dream cruise departs San Diego and stops in Mexico, Guatemala and Costa Rica before it heads through the Panama Canal to Columbia and Fort Lauderdale. Take your vacay up a notch further and book a suite-class room, which includes 24-hour personal butler service, menus by a Michelin-starred chef and exclusive access to The Retreat, a posh sundeck with modern design and dedicated attendants.
If you prefer a more intimate experience, consider an expedition ship aboard French luxury cruise line, Ponant. This 12-night sailing aboard mega-yacht L'Austral departs San Diego and ends in Puerto Quetzal, Guatemala. Along the way, families will marvel and experience the Sea of Cortez, an area known for its aquarium-like marine life. Here, families can take a Zodiac inflatable to shore with an experienced naturalist guide who provides an expert insight into the land, sea, animals and culture. Families will also have the opportunity to get up close & personal to sea lions in Los Islotes or discover marine wildlife with an experienced instructor. With only 132 staterooms, guests will be treated to a luxury experience typically not available on a larger ship, including personal service, gastronomic cuisine and the priceless feeling of being on your own private yacht.
Disney fans will flip for an epic spring vacation or holiday cruise with their favorite Disney pals. Onboard you’ll not only find your little one’s favorite Disney characters, but fireworks at sea, pools, deck parties and broadway-quality shows. Choose a 7-night Mexican Riviera Cruise in March or April and you'll cruise round-trip from San Diego with stops in Cabo San Lucas and Ensenada. Or make it the merriest Christmas of all time with a 14-night holiday cruise from San Diego through Mexico, the Panama Canal and ending in Galveston, Texas.
If you’re ready to flip the switch on regular life, a world cruise on Holland America will be a trip your family will never forget. Imagine world-schooling on a 63-night cruise departing San Diego and sailing through Hawaii, French Polynesia and the Cook Islands before crossing the International Dateline. Next you'll stop in Tonga before circumnavigating Australia, including the Great Barrier Reef. This epic trip is aboard Holland America’s Maasdam and includes experiences highlighting regional culture through programs such as Port to Table food demonstrations and live dance performances. Gain a greater appreciation of the world through BBC Earth Experiences or Explorations Central, which offers local port insights to make your epic trip even more meaningful.
With stunning turquoise waters and sugar-fine beaches, the Turks & Caicos might be some of the most underrated Caribbean islands for families. We recently visited Providenciales, or Provo as the locals call it, and are here to report that if you’re looking for a laid back family escape that is less about cruise ships and more about the life aquatic, you’ve found your next trip. Read on to find out why.
1. The Water
Amber Guetebier
Always dreamed of those turquoise waters you’ve seen in postcards? Even on a cloudy day the water in the Turks and Caicos Islands is more brilliant than almost anywhere in the world. And with water temps ranging from 74-78 in the winter and 80-84 in the summer, the ocean is perfect for floating in all day long. All. Day. Long.
Families can opt to stay at Grace Bay Beach, one of the most beautiful around, with plenty of amenities to make your vacation as breezy as the tropics. But unlike other popular beaches, Grace Bay never feels overcrowded, which means you can have your own little piece of paradise while you're here.
2. Stunning Coral Reefs
Amber Guetebier
When staying along Grace Bay Beach, snorkeling excursions can be easily arranged through your accommodations. We loved the in-depth knowledge our local operators at Island Vibes had of the ecology and history of the island. The boat pulls right up on the beach down from Ocean Club Resorts for boarding. (Seriously. Right onto the beach!). You don’t have to be an experienced snorkeler, life vests and instruction are provided. Most excursions also take you past the world's only conch farm and along over to Half Moon Bay where you'll meet the resident iguana population. Typically Bight Reef (also known as Coral Gardens) is the best for beginners.
Ocean Club West
At the reef you'll find a bevy of Nemo-like colors and creatures, including brain coral, eagle rays, parrot fish and more. You can also be on the lookout for JoJo the dolphin.
Good to know: Remember to use reef-safe sunscreen (and plenty of it). You will want it to be free of oxybenzone and octinoxate, both of which cause lasting and significant damage to corals and reefs. While the Turks & Caicos have not yet banned sunscreens that harm the coral reefs (like Hawaii has) locals are currently hard at work campaigning to ban it.
Island Vibes also works with several charitable organizations, including a local reef fund, to encourage customers to give back.
3. The Mangroves
Amber Guetebier
Book with WaterPlayTCI and your local guide will school you on the subtle beauty and stunning importance of the mangrove forests, while you glide quietly past baby sea turtles, baby lemon sharks, colorful fish, endless jellies and hidden conchs. You'll also find an array of bird species. Our excursion, which was bright and early on a calm day, required minimal skill and stamina, making it easily suitable for all ages.
WaterPlayTCI is family-owned and operated by a mom and dad duo who have a young child themselves, so they know all about making kids comfortable with the water. If you want something a little more adrenaline-pumping you can also arrange kiteboarding and windsurfing lessons as well as catamaran rides and snorkeling excursions with them.
4. Your Home Away from Home
Ocean Club Resorts
Grace Bay Beach and surrounding area is home to many hotel and resort options, which can actually feel daunting when booking your vaycay. We highly recommend Ocean Club Resorts, which includes two sister properties (Ocean Club East and Ocean Club West) about a mile apart from one another on Grace Bay Beach (there’s a shuttle service between the two).
Ocean Club West
We love this resort because it a condominium resort: each suite is actually individually owned which means it's got way more flare than a cookie-cutter hotel room. Rooms feel more like apartments, with a variety of configurations to fit every family group’s needs. Sizes range from studio to 3-bedrooms, which makes it well suited to multi-generational travel as well. All rooms includes a full kitchen with all of the equipment you need (pots, pans, dishes, silverware) making it much easier for families with young kids to keep the right stuff on hand. Ocean Club West is located closer to shopping, including the nearby market, Graceway Gourmet, open 7 a.m. - 9 p.m. You'll find all the things you will need for your vacation, plus some sweet local products. You can borrow a folding shopping trolley from the front desk.
Ocean Club West
You'll find lots of perks offered at both locations, and guests at either property can use amenities on site at the both.
Guests at the resort will find plenty of places to lounge on the beach (you'll know the property by the pink umbrellas), gorgeous pools with a lazy river vibe, on-site dining options, spa services, free wi-fi, bicycles that can be signed out at the front desk, and tennis courts.
The resort also offer complimentary kayaks and stand-up paddleboards and kids can ask for a Seafari adventure packet upon check-in. If you are looking to explore other islands your concierge can help arrange an island hopping boat trip, too.
Tip: If you are in Provo around the full moon, be sure to ask about going on a Glow Worm Tour, a phenomenon unique to the Turks & Caicos and shallow areas of the Western Atlantic. Odontosyllis enopla (Bermuda glow worms) glow green. You can kayak out to see them!
5. Giving Back
Amber Guetebier
Their amazing views and well-appointed rooms are not the only reason to stay at Ocean Club Resorts. The resort encourages every guest to Pack for Purpose. Essentially, you check out the list of needed school supplies for local kids and dedicated a portion of your luggage space to bring something they'll need. Leave it with the concierge at check in, and use that extra space for a memento or two from your travels. Win, win.
6. Unique Culture
Amber Guetebier
Make sure your visit overlaps with the Thursday Fish Fry: a bustling outdoor gathering at the Bight (Children's) Park, where locals and tourists alike mingle to enjoy delicious food, music and artisan wares. Trust us, you and the kids will never forget this! Nearly everyone on the island comes to Fish Fry; it’s a place to connect, eat and be part of this unique island community.
Amber Guetebier
Fuel up on a conch salad and some fried plantains from Froggies (there’s a reason there’s a line...it’s so worth the wait), grab a rum punch for mom and dad, and let the kids pick out a souvenir, all while listening to local music. There’s a stage and dance area, but the marketplace isn’t huge so you can enjoy the music throughout the market. Chat with the locals, let the kiddos dance the wiggles out, meet other visitors and stay to the end: each night the Fish Fry ends in a Junkanoo—a traditional parade of costumed performers.
7. The Food
Amber Guetebier
If it's not Thursday evening and you're not at Fish Fry devouring a conch salad prepared by Froggie, you should not miss the cuisine right on site at Ocean Club West and Ocean Club East. Eat like a foodie at Ocean Club West's Asian-inspired Solana which has a super-fresh Sushi bar and serves until 10 p.m. They also have a poolside menu, so you can keep that lounge thing going all through lunch. Cabana Bar & Grill (at Ocean Club East) often features live music and is beachside. Also at Ocean Club East, put on your shoes and jacket and head to the Opus Wine-Bar-Grille for a more refined dining experience.
8. It's Easy
Amber Guetebier
Traveling in the Turks & Caicos is a relatively care free adjustment for families; the islands are on Eastern Standard Time, the currency is the US Dollar and the outlets are standard 120v and don’t require an adapter. Cars do drive on the left here as in the UK, but you might find your rental car still has the driver’s seat on the left side as well (as in standard US cars). However, you can easily arrange a taxi from the airport and do all you want without a hired car, especially for your first trip. All visitors must hold a round trip ticket, and can stay for 90 days. You will need a passport.
The Turks & Caicos is safe and offers a relaxed, family-friendly vibe. As a general rule of thumb: remember to pack more sunscreen (reef-safe!) then you think you'll need and fewer clothes.
Good to know: Tropical storms can move in and out of the island quickly. Most resorts are closed Sep.-Oct. (hurricane season) to make any necessary repairs and allow their employees time off.
9. The People
Ocean Club Resorts
While it may not be the closest island getaway, Providenciales and the Turks & Caicos islands have a uniqueness to them that makes them well worth the added cost and plane time. A trip here will expand your child's mind and heart: the people of the Turks & Caicos have a calm and gentle way that kids will instantly respond to. Across the island we found committed, big-hearted people working to make their home and their planet a better place. If you want a truly unique, incredibly warm vacation where you're allowed to be part of the secret, start booking your trip to Provo today.
—Amber Guetebier
Red Tricycle is grateful to Ocean Club Resorts and Visit Turks & Caicos Tourism for assistance with this trip, and for the delightful company. All opinions here are the writer’s own.
