ML Interest Tag: child-abuse

Even More True Crime Docuseries That Moms Can’t Get Enough Of

by Kate Loweth

Is there anything more relaxing after a long day of parenting than settling into the couch, grabbing a cup of tea, and breaking a 30-year-old cold case? When thinking of ways to unwind, grisly murder doesn’t naturally come to mind, yet women consume true crime entertainment—whether by documentary, docuseries, or podcast—at greater rates than men, and moms are among the biggest fans. There are theories as to why.

Some experts believe women are drawn to true crime because the victims are often female. Some think consuming true crime media helps women understand the criminal mindset and acts as a primer on how not to become a victim. Whatever the reason, we’re obsessed. And with so much out there, there’s no shortage of true crime docuseries to dive into. If you’ve already watched everything about the Night Stalker or are yet to join the true-crime-obsessed, here’s a list of series you need to check off immediately.

American Nightmare

American Nightmare true crime documentaries for moms netflix
Netflix

This three-part series explains how a home invasion and kidnapping led to Gone Girl-style accusations lodged against the kidnapped woman when she reappeared two days later. From the filmmakers behind The Tinder Swindler, this docuseries delves into the issue of investigators rushing to judgment and how that ultimately impacted the case and traumatized the victims. We especially loved the badass female detective who eventually broke the case wide open.

Where to stream: Netflix

The Case Against Adnan Syed 

This four-part documentary series explores the 1999 murder of 18-year-old Hae Min Lee and the conviction of her ex-boyfriend Adnan Syed. The hugely popular “Serial” podcast brought the story to worldwide attention, and a few years after the podcast aired, Syed’s murder conviction was vacated, and he was released from prison after serving 20 years. HBO is producing a follow-up episode to the incredible unfolding of the story that will feature exclusive footage of Syed leading up to and following his release from prison. The investigation the filmmakers did in the original series was used as evidence in the hearing to release Syed—which makes this series even more compelling.

Where to stream: Max

The Curious Case of Natalia Grace: Natalia Speaks

In the first season of this fascinating series, we met Kristine and Michael Barnett, a couple who adopted a Ukrainian orphan named Natalia Grace who has a rare dwarfism condition called spondyloepiphyseal dysplasia congenita. The Barnetts claimed that Natalia not only threatened to harm them on numerous occasions but that she was actually an adult attempting to masquerade as a child. They went through the process of having her “re-aged” so that they would no longer be responsible for caring for her.

Season 2 “Natalia Speaks” addresses this story from Natalia’s point of view, specifically how Kristine Barnett formed this narrative because she no longer wanted to care for Natalia. You’ll want to dive into this series full of twists and turns that you won’t see coming (especially the shocking revelation in the series’ final episode). We’re seriously crossing our fingers for a Season 3.

Where to stream: Hulu

Escaping Twin Flames

Who doesn’t want to find their one true love, a soulmate or “twin flame”? Jeff and Shaleia Ayan established the online community of the Twin Flames Universe with just that goal in mind. This three-part docuseries provides interviews with former members who allege heavy coercion and manipulation led them into sometimes dangerous relationships with complete strangers who they were told were their twin flame. Want to learn more about this high-pressure group? Prime Video also released a series on the topic in 2023: Desperately Seeking Soulmate: Escaping Twin Flames Universe.

Where to stream: Netflix 

Evil Genius 

Evil Genius is a true crime docuseries on Netflix
Netflix

“In 2003 in Erie, Pennsylvania, a robbery gone wrong and a terrifying public murder capture the nation’s attention, and a bizarre collection of Midwestern hoarders, outcasts, and lawbreakers play cat-and-mouse with the FBI,” reads the series description on Netflix’s Evil Genius: The True Story of America’s Most Diabolical Bank Heist. But all of that doesn’t even scratch the surface of the twists and turns of this four-part docuseries. Add a small-town beauty queen turned criminal mastermind and the criminal case that came to be known as the “pizza bomber heist”—and you are in for a true crime rabbit hole you’re not ready for.

Where to stream: Netflix 

Inventing Anna 

Inventing Anna investigates the case of Anna Delvey, the Instagram-famous German heiress who quickly befriended key players in New York’s uber-rich social scene—and stole their money, too. The series was inspired by New York Magazine’s expose on the socialite—and poses the question, “Who the heck is Anna Delvey, and why was she able to trick so many people out of so much money?”

Where to stream: Netflix

Love Has Won: The Cult of Mother God

This series follows the life of self-proclaimed spiritual leader Amy Carlson, referred to as “Mother God” by those who worshiped her. She leads the Love Has Won group through spiritual enlightenment via live-streaming sessions with the help of a series of male partners she dubs “Father God.” Love Has Won: The Cult of Mother God features interviews with Love Has Won devotees, many of whom appear to still be involved in the cult, and culminates with Carlson’s disturbing death and the police investigation that followed.

Where to stream: Max

Lula Rich 

LuLaRoe founders DeAnne Brady and Mark Stidham convinced thousands of women to buy into their pyramid scheme. They got rich while bankrupting those women they claimed to liberate with their products—predominantly poorly made leggings with questionable patterns. LulaRich is a four-part true crime docuseries that chronicles the unraveling of LuLaRoe; once known for their buttery soft leggings—now known for their terrible manipulation, questionable selling tactics, and ultimate demise.

Where to stream: Prime Video 

Making a Murderer 

Netflix

Making a Murderer tells the story of Steven Avery, a man from Manitowoc County, Wisconsin, who served 18 years in prison after a wrongful conviction for sexual assault and attempted murder of Penny Beerntsen. He was later charged with and convicted of the 2005 murder of Teresa Halbach. It also tells the story of Avery’s nephew Brendan Dassey, who was accused and convicted as an accessory in the murder of Halbach. The series follows Avery’s arrest and conviction and his subsequent exoneration and release, then delves into the civil lawsuit he filed against Manitowoc County. There is so much going on here, you have to see it to believe it.

Where to stream: Netflix

Murdaugh Murders – A Southern Scandal 

Alex Murdaugh’s face has been all over the news lately, convicted last week of the murder of his wife and son and sentenced to life in prison. The Murdaughs were at one time considered one of South Carolina’s most prominent families until the death of teenager Mallory Beach in a drunken boating accident started to scrape at the veneer of the family’s facade and reveal the darkness underneath. Paul Murdaugh—the alleged driver of the boat—and his mother Maggie were found brutally murdered in 2021, and “a century of corruption, power, and cover-ups in the Low Country” was brought to light. The three-part series focuses on first-hand accounts from people on the boat and people who have never spoken about the crash or double homicide until now.

Where to stream: Netflix

Our Father 

Netflix

Jacoba Ballard was an only child, conceived via donor sperm. Her dream of having siblings led her to take one of those at-home DNA tests to see if there were any out there. The test led her to discover seven half-brothers and sisters, which raised red flags for all involved. The siblings started investigating their family tree, which landed them on a shocking discovery: the family’s fertility doctor was using his sperm to inseminate his patients—without their knowledge or consent.

Where to stream: Netflix

Shiny Happy People: Duggar Family Secrets

This one is especially for all of you who have been long-time watchers of TLC’s 19 Kids and Counting, a series that followed the lives of ultra-religious Michelle and Jim Bob Duggar and their 19 kids. Shiny Happy People delves into some of the scandals that have followed the family, their involvement with the Institute in Basic Life Principles, and what went on behind the scenes of the popular television show. Interviews with daughter Jill (Duggar) Dillard, her husband Derick Dillard, and niece Amy (Duggar) King provided an eye-opening glimpse of the financial manipulation, abuse, and religious indoctrination that went on in the family.

Where to stream: Prime Video

Take Care of Maya

Maya Kowalski and her family are the center of this story that’s every parent’s nightmare. Ten-year-old Maya comes down with some unusual symptoms and her parents, Jack and Beata Kowalski, take her to the ER to find out what is going on. Beata is a nurse and had previously taken Maya to many different medical providers to try and figure out what was going on. One physician diagnosed Maya with complex regional pain syndrome and suggested ketamine as a treatment for her pain. So when Maya is admitted to the hospital from the ER, Beata suggests to the hospital staff that ketamine be given.

Instead of listening to Beata, the hospital finds this request to be suspicious and requests Child Protective Services evaluate Maya for possible child abuse by her mother. Take Care of Maya follows what happened after Maya was taken away from her family.

Where to stream: Netflix

Waco: American Apocalypse

Netflix

In 1993, cult leader David Koresh faced off against the federal government in a 51-day siege that shook the American public. The conflict began with the biggest gunfight on American soil since the Civil War and ended in a fiery inferno—caught on live TV. It was the biggest news story in the world at the time, and viewers were hooked. In line with the 30th anniversary of the tragedy, Netflix is releasing the true crime docuseries on March 22, with unearthed footage and interviews with several people close to the case.

Where to stream: Netflix

The Way Down 

Christian diet guru Gwen Shamblin Lara founded the Remnant Fellowship Church in 1999. She died with her husband and son-in-law in 2021 when her private Cessna crashed into Percy Priest Lake near Smyrna, Tennessee, shortly after takeoff. Four church leaders were with the family and were also killed in the crash. The fellowship taught its members to “turn away from the love of food and toward the love of God”—so it’s essentially a church based on dieting, which is the weirdest thing ever. The series details the truth behind Lara’s very carefully curated image and delves into the controversial practices of the church.

Where to stream: Max 

Web of Death

This series follows the investigations of online sleuths who used digital footprints, DNA databases, and crowdsourcing to solve murder cases. Each episode follows a different case, like the investigation of the disappearance of Abraham Shakespeare who won a $30 million state lottery and was reported missing three years later. We love this one so much because really, we’d all like to be investigating true crime in our spare time from the comfort of our own homes.

Where to stream: Hulu

Additional reporting by Maria Guido

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30 Banned Books That Every Kid Needs to Read

by Allison Sutcliffe

There are plenty of things your kids wish they could ban. Broccoli for instance. Or bedtimes. But we’re guessing books wouldn’t make their list. Promote the power of “yes” by pulling these banned children’s books off the shelf and into your evening reading routine. You won’t be disappointed, and neither will the kids! Looking for other books for kids? Check out our collection of classic children’s books, our favorite bedtime stories, and books that feature diverse protagonists.

Hop on Pop is a children's banned books
Amazon

Hop on Pop

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When you read this book title as a directive, rather than as an innocent and undeniably catchy rhyme, it’s easy to see why a Toronto father’s rights advocate challenged the wildly popular Dr. Seuss book. But pulling it from library shelves because it “encouraged children to use violence against their fathers” was only the tip of the iceberg for his 2014 challenge. He also thought the library should fork over some cash to cover “damages resulting from the book.” Ages 3-7

Charlotte's Web has made the list of children's banned books at some point
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Charlotte's Web

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If you haven’t read this story about humble, radiant Wilbur (a.k.a. Some Pig) then you’re in for a treat. Although a group of concerned parents disagreed in 2006. They tried to have this book banned from classrooms because they found the book’s talking animals to be disrespectful to God. Ages: 8-12

Strega Nona was once a banned children's book
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Strega Nona

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Let’s be honest. This book is every parent’s fantasy. After all who doesn’t want a song-activated magic pot that cooks them dinner? The late Tomie dePaola’s classic tale of the Grandma Witch has been banned in several U.S. school libraries for promoting witchcraft. Ages: 4-8.

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Where's Waldo

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It seems a certain 1987 version of this book would have fared better in Europe than it did in the States, where it was banned in both Michigan and New York in the mid-1990s. Although the story behind finding the now-infamous “nude bather,” that caused the version to be pulled from the shelves, has since been lost, we’re guessing it had something to do with one reader’s relentless search for Waldo. Ages: 5-9

The Giver has made a children's banned book list.
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The Giver

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When it comes to dystopian novels, tweens, and teens just can't get enough of them. And Lois Lowry's Newbery Award-winning classic continues the trend. But parents in Blue Springs, Missouri grew concerned over "twisted" and "lewd" content in the book and tried to have it removed from an eighth-grade reading list in 2003. The good news is, the compelling story is continued on in three more books in the series. Ages: 12 & up

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Harriet the Spy

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Readers the world over love Harriet the Spy, because not only does she tells it like it is, she also rides a dumbwaiter, and who wouldn’t want to try that? Over the years, the book has been banned in school libraries because parents are concerned it teaches children to “lie, spy, talk back and curse.” Ages: 8-12

This Shel Silverstein books once was a banned children's book.
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Where the Sidewalk Ends

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Kids have loved the quirky drawings and odd poetry of Shel Silverstein for generations. But in 1986, the West Allis Milwaukee School District banned this particular poetry collection because of “drug reference, suicide, death and a disrespect for truth and authority.” Shortly after, a school district in Pennsylvania did the same. Ages: 6-8

Related: LeVar Burton Urges Kids to ‘Read Banned Books!’

The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe has been on lists of children's banned books a few times.
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The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe

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Magical wardrobes, talking lions and evil queens: Narnia’s got dibs on some of the best fantasy elements ever written. But the first book in this popular series was first banned in 1990 because adults were concerned by its “graphic violence, mysticism and gore.” Then in 2005, a group focused on the separation of church and state tried banning the book from Florida’s public schools after then-Governor, Jeb Bush, promoted it in a statewide reading contest. Ages: 8 & up

I Am Jazz is a banned children's book
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I Am Jazz

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The 10th most challenged and banned book of 2017, I am Jazz is an autobiographical picture book chronicling the early years of transgender reality TV star, Jazz Jennings. It first appeared on the banned list when a group of Wisconsin parents objected to its reading at school. They were concerned about sex education, language and offensive viewpoints. Ages: 4-8

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Where the Wild Things Are

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You’ve read this one to your sidekick so many times, you’ve got it memorized. But when this classic hit the scene in 1963, it caused quite a stir. Banned in many southern states for depicting child abuse (the no-go supper for Max), it’s also been challenged for being “too dark” and showing supernatural elements. If you’re looking for more books to put on your nighttime reading list try one of these all-time faves. Ages: 4-8

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Hansel and Gretel

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The surprisingly dark tales spun by the Brothers Grimm have been challenged many times. But we bet the specifics behind this particularly gruesome classic will surprise you. Was it because of images of cannibalism? Or perhaps because it promoted unhealthy eating habits or tooth decay? Nope. In 1992 two witches challenged this book claiming it painted witches in a bad light. Ages: 5 & up

A Wrinkle in Time has made the banned children's book list many times.
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A Wrinkle in Time

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This Newbery Award winner’s been challenged a few times for undermining religious beliefs, and in 1985 it was challenged at a Florida elementary school for promoting witchcraft, crystal balls and demons. Ages: 10-14

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And Tango Makes Three

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First came Roy. Then came Silo. Then came a baby and made their family complete. Based on the true story of two male penguins at New York’s Central Park Zoo, this ALA Notable Children’s Book made its way onto the banned book list for featuring a same-sex relationship. Ages: 2-5

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Brown Bear, Brown Bear, What Do You See?

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More a case of mistaken identity than concern over content, Bill Martin’s classic children’s book was banned by the Texas State Board of Education in 2010. It turns out that the children’s author didn’t also pen Ethical Marxism: The Categorical Imperative of Liberation. Oops! Ages: 2-5

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Drama

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If you think your house is filled with drama, you haven’t been to middle school lately. Get a refresher with this tween graphic novel that follows theater geek Callie as she strives to build a Broadway-worthy set and figure out … well, boys. But the real drama for this book came when it hit the banned children's book list in one school district and two school libraries in Texas because it features LGBTQ characters. Ages: 10-14

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The Giving Tree

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We dare you not to shed a tear over this touching story of a selfless tree who loves a boy. But it was a cynical interpretation of the tree’s selfless giving as “sexist content” that landed this Shel Silverstein classic on a Colorado library’s banned book list in 1988. Ages: 1-8

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Harry Potter Series

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J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series has been translated into 68 different languages, distributed in over 200 different territories worldwide, and has sold over 450 million copies at last count. And the number of challenges and bans on this series, usually for depicting witchcraft and wizardry and promoting anti-family themes, is also impressive. By 2000, it had been challenged about 650 different times. Ages: 8 & up

Related: Brooklyn Public Library Offers Free Ecards to Teens Nationwide Facing Book Bans
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Bridge to Terabithia

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Another Newbery Award-winner, this story of friendship and loss is a definite tearjerker. But it wasn’t the tragic death of a friend that led the New Brighton Area School District in Pennsylvania to remove it from their 5th-grade classrooms. They were concerned about the disrespect, foul language and confusion that could be created when kids read about Terabithia, the fantasy world dreamed up by BFFs Jesse and Leslie. Ages: 9 & up

The Witches is a banned children's book.
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The Witches

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Roald Dahl is no stranger to the banned book list. James and the Giant Peach is on there. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is too. But it’s his classic tale of a boy-turned-mouse and his cigar-smoking grandmother who fight against witches that continues to find its way onto the list again and again and again. It was challenged at least ten times in the late 1980s and early 1990s for things like “being too sophisticated” and “not teaching moral values.” Ages: 8-12

The Family Book has made it on a banned children's book list.
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The Family Book

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Families coming in all shapes, sizes and colors is the theme of this popular Todd Parr book. But concerns over depicting families that have two moms or two dads kept this bold and colorful paperback off the shelves in the Erie School District in Illinois in 2012. Ages: 5-6

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The Fighting Ground

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One of Avi’s lesser-known works, it’s the story of 13-year-old Jonathan, who wants to fight beside his brother and cousin, against the British, during the Revolutionary War. This ALA-notable book was banned at the Bay District school library in 2008 over parent concerns around the use of profanity. Ages: 9 & up

Captain Underpants is a banned children's book.
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Captain Underpants series

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If your kid has read the book, watched the movie and bought the T-shirt, then you’re not alone. But you might be surprised to find that this popular Dave Pilkey series was at one time the most banned book in the country. In the early books, concerns were raised over content that wasn’t suited for the age group and encouraging disobedience. The release of the 12th book caused new concerns over references to Harold being gay. Ages: 7-10

Anne Frank has made several banned children's book lists.
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Anne Frank: The Diary of a Young Girl

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The powerfully poignant diary of Anne Frank, who spent two years hiding from the Nazis, with her family in the cramped “Secret Annexe” of an office building, often shows up on the banned book list. Although concern over sexually explicit material is the reason usually cited, once in 1983 the Alabama State Textbook Committee tried to ban it because they thought the diary was “a real downer.” Ages: 10-13

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Sylvester and the Magic Pebble

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This story of a donkey who wishes himself into a rock set off alarm bells with the Illinois Police Association. In 1977 they challenged the book because the police are depicted as pigs in the story. In the aftermath, it was banned in many parts of the U.S. Ages: 3-7

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Junie B. Jones series

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If you cringe every time you read Junie B. Jones to your kids and she “runned speedy quick” or “did a shrug” or commits some other crime against grammar, you’re not alone. Most of the challenges to this series are about Junie’s speech patterns and the fact it might encourage young readers to follow suit. Ages: 6-9

Jacob's New Dress has made a list of banned children's books.
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Jacob's New Dress

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This book has been banned by a North Carolina school district claiming that the book taught children to be transgender. Jacob's New Dress is actually about acceptance and anti-bullying when Jacob wants to wear a dress to school. Ages: 4-7

Maus is a banned children's book
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Maus

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Maus has been banned in a Tennessee county for profanity, nudity, violence, and suicide, although it presents the argument of how to honestly portray the Holocaust without those things. Maus is a Pulitzer-prize-winning graphic novel that follows Spiegelman's parents' traumatic internment at Auschwitz. Ages: 11 & up

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New Kid

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'New Kid' was written by author Jerry Craft about his own life experiences, then a Texas school district banned it for "Critical Race Theory and Marxism." When Jordan Banks starts at a new private school, he was one of the only students of color, and he discovers this new struggle of fitting in when there is very little diversity. This banned children's book is the winner of the Newbery Medal, the Coretta Scott King Author Award, and the Kirkus Prize for Young Reader's Literature. Ages: 8-12

Sold is a children's book that has been banned in 2022 and 2023

Sold

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The story of 13-year-old Lakshmi, a Nepalese girl who is sold into sexual slavery is a powerful, but not easy, read. Banned in multiple states for depictions of violent sexual content, this book is not for the faint of heart. Still, it's an important topic about a very real subject that affects humans all over the world. Ages: 14+

The watsons go to birmingham is a banned childrens book

The Watsons Go to Birmingham

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Christopher Paul Curtis' iconic historical fiction book tells the tragic true story of the 1963 church bombing in Birmingham, AL, through the eyes of 10-year-old Kenny, on a trip to see his grandma. Although it is a Newbery and Coretta Scott King Medal winner, it was banned in Utah and challenged in other states for what was deemed "offensive language." Ages 10 & up.

 

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I Sent My Children to Bed Without Dinner—and We All Survived

By Dr Bethany Cook

When I was a little girl, if I didn’t like the food that was presented to me, my mother would make me sit at the table for hours on end. Sometimes my older sister would sneak into the kitchen and take bites of my dinner just so I wouldn’t have to sit all night and we could play.

This technique didn’t work to broaden my picky palate. It merely made me angry and resentful. If I didn’t finish my plate within whatever time frame my mom deemed appropriate (which ranged from 30 minutes to three hours), she took the plate away and sent me to bed hungry and mad. I swore to myself that if I ever had kids, I would never send them to bed hungry.

Then a few nights ago, I did that exact thing. I sent my kids to bed without supper. The decision was not an easy one, and many times during the evening, I questioned it. I even interrupted my spouse with a phone call while she was at an evening work event. Let me tell you exactly how things went down.

For the kids’ Friday night dinner, I prepared red beans and rice. I had never made this for them before, but many people have asked me for the recipe whenever I’ve brought it to share. Thinking I was clever and that it would be fun for the kids (my mistake), I decided to place tortilla chips throughout the beans and rice so that they looked like mountains sticking out. The kids were supposed to use the chips as “edible spoons.”

When I placed their bowls on the table, my 5-year-old son immediately and dramatically threw his head back, howling “Ooooooo noooooooo, this is soooo grosss!” distorting his face in all sorts of ways. His 4-year-old sister turned up her nose, made gagging noises, and reluctantly, with much prodding, tried three small bites before refusing the rest.

The rage rose from the tips of my toes to my chest and then, right before I verbally exploded… a moment of calm and peace washed over me. To be honest, I think I was “comfortably numb” after having expended so much energy during the week coming up with creative and tasty meals that were met with endless moans and complaints.

Related: How to Get a Picky Eater to Eat, According to a Food Blogger

Walking away from the table, I went out back for a few moments to collect myself. I prefer to be proactive rather than reactive in these types of situations because, as a parent, if you draw a line in the sand, you’d better be ready to enforce it.

I thoughtfully came to the decision to send the children to bed without dinner for the following reasons:

  • The kids never miss meals/snacks and had eaten well at breakfast and lunch that day.

  • Both are physically healthy and do not have any health issues that would be negatively impacted by them missing a meal.

  • I want my children to appreciate the food they eat, where it comes from (respect for land and animals), respect for time put into preparing food, and the money it costs to buy. Teaching them these concepts doesn’t happen by saying, “Kids are starving all around the world and would love to eat what’s on your plate! Food costs money, and I’m sick of wasting it!”

    Science has proven this approach doesn’t work because a child doesn’t have the cognitive capacity yet to comprehend that abstract concept. What a child can appreciate at the age of four or five is the feeling of hunger. Throughout the evening, I mentioned that many children around their neighborhood and the world experience feeling hungry every night. My children are old enough to appreciate and understand that. I also knew this would be a “one-off” event.

  • My children and I needed a “factory reset.” We had fallen into a negative pattern of behavior. I could feel my body tense up with anxiety as dinner time approached and my children asked, “What’s for dinner?” because I knew they would inevitably complain—and I would seethe. We all needed a “night off” from the norm. Sending them to bed without supper was definitely that for everyone. I felt like crap most of the night, even though I was comfortable with my decision.

After I came to my conclusion, I walked back into the kitchen, took their bowls away, and calmly told them they would not be getting dinner. They, of course, said “fine” and that they weren’t hungry anyway. I explained to them that refusing dinner is not only a waste of food but that it hurts their bodies when they don’t eat and my feelings when they say the food I present to them is “gross.”

The last few hours of the day I spent extra time with them as I knew they would not be at their “best.” When appropriate, I helped them identify their hunger and how it negatively impacted their moods (more short-tempered, grouchy). I also reiterated (in a kind manner, not a derogatory or demeaning way) how moving forward, I hoped they would have a more open mind to the food I presented at mealtime.

Do you know what happened the next day? They woke in fine and happy moods. They heartily ate their breakfast without complaint, were cheerful and chipper for lunch, and at dinner time, when I gave them steamed broccoli and carrots with homemade pork schnitzel (they have never had the pork prepared that way), they sat down and said, “thank you” and ate each and every bite.

*****Cue the exploding confetti and release the balloons! Parent win!*****

Holy moly, it worked! I have no clue how long it will last (we’re coming up to week two), and they still sometimes make a small fuss or face but quickly get themselves in check.

I can’t promise that if you do this with your children, the next day they will show more respect for your time and effort. What I can tell you is that sometimes parents have to do things that feel counterintuitive at the time, yet they’re the right thing to do.

In this day and age, many parents are afraid to set a boundary/discipline their child(ren) for fear of being accused of abuse/neglect. I completely respect that and understand where it comes from. Once upon a time, children were viewed as property without feelings/needs/etc and were treated very poorly. Even with the knowledge that we have today, children are still being abused and seen as “less than,” but we now have laws in place to try and protect them.

It took me four days to convince myself to write this article. Why? Because I am human and fear judgment and ridicule. Someone out there may not approve of my decision to send a child to bed without dinner and might see it as a form of abuse.

Nevertheless, I chose to push my fears aside and write the damn article anyway because I know there are thousands of parents out there struggling to get their children to eat a little bit healthier. It’s my hope that this story gives you the courage to set firmer limits around food.

Obviously, common sense needs to factor into a decision like this. If you plan to do the same, make sure you are calm, collected, and ready to cope with any backlash that comes your way in a loving manner. We all know what it’s like to feel hungry and irritable.

Sending the kids to bed without dinner will not become a family tradition. It is my hope that this “one-off” incident is enough to help them recognize the importance of eating and to develop empathy for others who aren’t as fortunate as they are.

I am a 42-year-old biological mother of two young children in a same-sex relationship, a clinical psychologist with a specialty in neuropsychological assessment, a music therapist, a trainer of therapy dogs and ex-communicated Mormon from Indiana with a wicked sense of humor. 

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Teachers Aren’t Responsible for Saving Our Country

By Colleen Wildenhaus

Sometime in the last few weeks, our country has lost sight of the role that teachers hold in society. Prior to the pandemic, teachers were seen as academic instructors who taught children of all ages to read, solve math problems, and inquire about scientific topics. Their pay, evaluation, and often reputation, is based on the test scores of their students regardless of said student’s mental health, access to food or basic care, access to technology, or the hours in which their parents work. Similarly, schools are graded, and publicly ranked, based on the test scores of their students. School funding, and reputation, are positively or negatively impacted by these scores. Once again, it does not matter whether or not the children had influences outside of the school setting that could impact their academic performance. 

Teachers are in the profession of educating children academically. Yet, there is no doubt that teachers now wear more hats than any other profession. Teachers are therapists, as they listen to children tell their stories of abuse because students trust the person who cares for them each day. Teachers are nurses, as they tend to minor injuries (often with a drink of water or a wet paper towel), feel heads for fevers, and stay vigilant about allergies. Teachers are caregivers, bringing soiled clothes home to wash, shopping for coats, socks, and pajamas as needed, providing toothbrushes and backpacks. Teachers are nutritionists, offering snacks to students who do not have them, and sending home food for kids who may go hungry without. Teachers make sure that every child has someone on their side, building them up to feel powerful, smart, beautiful, creative, and unique. The emotional toll is exhausting and the financial strain is hard, but it happens without question because teachers love their students. 

Knowing all of this, teachers are still given demands and tasks that do not seem possible to achieve, often by those who have never set foot in the classroom. And yet, the demands are met and goals are achieved. Do more with less, individualize instruction, even more, work more hours for less pay, use your plan time for meetings, spend your money on supplies…the list goes on. And year after year, these same teachers return, genuinely excited to meet their new students, check-in with past students, and create dynamic lessons just waiting for the light bulb of learning to shine.

Today, teachers are being told, once again, that they must be responsible for unrealistic, and potentially unsafe, demands. We are being asked to open our classrooms so that the economy can restart, parents can return to work, child abuse can be identified, children can eat, mental health issues of children can be dealt with, all while a raging pandemic in happening. Believe me, we want to be with our students as badly as parents want us with their children. We do not want to teach online. It was not a pleasant experience. However, we want to feel safe and supported, both physically and mentally. We want children to feel safe as well. We want to hear scientists, politicians, and doctors talking about our needs as well as the needs of the children. 

Just as important though, we need to hear our country talking about how everyone can help children. We need funding to make mental health care affordable for all families and we need providers that can meet with children and their families when the care is needed, not nine months down the road when a slot opens. We need to make sure that children are not going hungry in our communities, regardless of whether or not school is in session. We need social services, doctors, and community members helping to identify children who are being physically and sexually abused, and then putting plans in place to stop this despicable behavior. 

These necessary aspects of daily life cannot fall into the lap of teachers only. Make no mistake, we will help every child who does fall into our lap, while still making sure that each child is adequately prepared for the standardized testing that will be the only indicator of our success, but our children and our teachers deserve more. More attention, more respect, more resources, more support.

In a time of uncertainty, schools should not be a guinea pig to learn how COVID affects children and whether or not children spread the virus like adults. The pressure on teachers to keep kids safe through sanitary steps, proper mask-wearing, and socially distancing is tremendous. Knowing this has to be done while not showing any anxiety to the children is daunting. Now add that this all has to be accomplished while teaching academic content to children, the main function of a school, it becomes nearly impossible.

Since it appears that most teachers will be returning to classrooms full of children, I beg of you to think deeply and creatively of ways that we, as a society, can help our children be safely cared for when away from school, for ways that parents can work without having to pay high costs for childcare when schools are closed, and how to support teachers now and every day. Teaching is a passion, a way of life, and a part of who I am. Whatever is asked of me this year, I will do it with the same high standard I display year after year. I love my students and treat them as if they are my own children, I will educate them as individuals, keeping them as safe as I possibly can. All of this will occur at the expense of my own mental and physical health. I will leave work each day asking myself if I did enough and I will lay in bed each night hoping I did not bring the virus home to myself or my family. Above all, I hope that no teacher makes the ultimate sacrifice, their life, by returning to school.

   

Colleen Wildenhaus
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

I am Colleen, a mother, teacher, and the founder of Good Bye Anxiety, Hello Joy, a site dedicated to parents and teachers supporting a child with anxiety.  In addition to advocating for child anxiety, I love the beach, fresh cookies, children's laughter, and new school supplies!

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Parents, We Need to Redefine—& Reclaim—What Success Really Looks Like to Us

By Laura Gassner Otting

This past September, my teenagers were bickering with each other so much—okay, real talk: actually they were complete and total pre-frontal cortex psychopaths—I couldn’t even get them to stand still for the picture that they knew I wanted to take (that I’ve moved heaven and earth as a working mother to be present to take) that I’ve taken for 13 years. Every first day. For 13 years.

They were horrendous to each other. They were horrendous to me. And, yes, I get it. They were anxious. It’s the first day. But their behavior towards each other and towards me was inexcusable in its lack of civility, humanity or even just basic kindness. I stood stunned, questioning every sacrifice I’d made and especially all those sacrifices I chose not to make.

I’d fallen prey to that insidious trap of the comparison game, the one where we define our own success through other people, not just on social media, but in life, as parents and in our work (whether paid or unpaid).

Oh, what would become of me if I didn’t post a photo? I made it about me. I lost my head and let them have it at the top of my lungs. And then we drove to school—oh, what a treat to be able to be there for these important moments!—in stony silence, me (not typically a crier) choking back tears the entire way.

The Cage Match of Comparison

We run, walk or even blindly stagger through life, collecting piles of rocks labeled “the right job” and “the right vacation” and “the right spouse” and drop them in our backpacks, running faster and faster on the treadmill of success and then we wonder: if I’ve done all the right things, as defined by everyone else, why do I feel so burdened, so heavy, so stuck?

We’ve stepped foot into the cage match of comparison and the minute we did, each and every one of us lost.

Here’s why: it’s hard to grab hold of your own goals and dreams—to feel fulfillment in success—when we’ve handed over that very definition of success to someone else.

The solution is easier than we think. It’s as simple as ignoring everybody and their mistaken assumptions of what will actually make you happy. Yes, I know…ignoring everybody isn’t all that easy, but here are the best ways to do just that:.

1. Don’t give a vote to people who shouldn’t even have a voice.

Let’s face it: most of the people who give you advice—telling you to slow down, take smaller risks, dream a little more realistically—are doing so from a place of fear and anxiety, not about you life but about their own. Stop letting your audacity be constrained by the limits of other people’s imaginations.

Politely excuse yourself from taking every opinion as fiat, weighing them all with equal measure and allow yourself to be your own dog, run your own race, carve your own path. And all those voices questioning your choices and telling you what you should do and need to do? They simply don’t get a vote—unless you give it to them. And that includes that voice inside your own head.

2. It’s time to say: “Screw the Joneses.”

When we play the comparison game, we all lose. Social media puts us in a position where we unwittingly judge everyone else’s highlight reel through our own klutzy bloopers outtakes. Of course we look like we don’t have it all together. Of course we feel like we should just do more of whatever it is that the brightest, shiniest friend is doing. Of course we’ll have what she’s having.

But here’s the kicker: You can’t be insatiably hungry for someone else’s goals. And you won’t be satisfied by them, either. Let’s stop, once and for all, believing the hype and stop hoping that “I’ll be happy when” and decide what will make us happy now. The journey is long, waiting is for suckers.

3. Realize that your fourth grade teacher was wrong about you.

Back in middle school, we were taught to pursue the gold stars, get the good grades and shine across the board. We had no say in the skills that got rewarded; and often what we were rewarded for was different from what we loved. So, rather than picking a path based on what makes us special—what we like, what we do well and where we shine—most of us are forced to pick our path early, based on values attached by others and on interests that aren’t our calling.

Remember that fourth grade teacher who said that you should become a doctor, a lawyer, an accountant? They possessed no crystal ball and yet we internalized their notions as predictions rather than simply suggestions. What if, just what if, that prediction based on nothing more than anecdotal information gathered at a specific moment in time, when we still let our mothers cut our hair and pick out or picture day outfits, was wrong?

4. Believe that “Ambition” is not a dirty word.

Ambition has gotten a bad rap of late. It’s a dirty word—even more so if you are a woman. (Oh, she’s so ambitious!) Part of the reason we’ve lost ownership of our unspoken dreams—those dreams so big and so scary and so exciting that we dare not say them out loud—is that we’ve been persuaded to allow our ambition to be subsumed into something that is more socially acceptable: faux humility.

But, I’d ask you all this: how do you want to raise your family? Why do you want to get ahead? What do you want to do with that power? Do you want to change your family, your community, your country, your world? Do you want to make a mark, large or small, on this earth? What kind of life do you want to live? What do you want your legacy to be? 

If being in that elevated position, with that increased salary and that greater voice of leadership, allows you to make more of an impact on the very calling that you hold dear, it’s more than just your ambition. It’s your responsibility.

5. Gather your “framily.”

I’ve come to understand that in order for your life to feel right for you, it has to actually be right for you. The most powerful way to insulate yourself from the misguided, happiness eroding (and often uninvited) opinions of others is to stop doubting your own damn self and that comes from having the confidence in the choices you make and the chances you take.

And, if you can’t find that on your own, it’s time to call a meeting of your “framily,” that combination of friends and family that see your greatness, even if you yet don’t. Tell them what you want to do, where you are stuck and what you think is in your way. And then let them help you walk through the walls, real or perceived that are holding you back.

Taking My Own Advice

I had achieved the type of enviable on-paper success, because I checked all the right boxes along that path—someone else’s path—and when I turned around and demanded that my kids perform like trained monkeys because I happened to be there for that one shining moment, it was obvious that I was still trying to make it about me.

After spending the day considering all the ways I’d punish them—make them wear a giant t-shirt with two head holes, drop them 20 miles from the house and make them work together to get home and other various social-services-on-my-doorstep type child abuse fantasies—I decided to do something different.

I decided to give them a do-over.

I sat them down at dinner and I laid out how their behavior came across, how it affected those around them and how it reflected on them and the people they hope to become. I told them about how I tried to create a life that allowed me to be there in those moments, but that I failed to see those moments through their eyes as well.

I told them that, rather than punishing them, I wanted them to consider overnight the relationship they wanted to have with each other and me and what kind of person they were when they were at their best. I let them try again and I allowed myself the permission to make their behavior situational to the morning and not definitional to myself as a mother.

Which made me wonder, how often are we defining our success through someone else’s lens? How often are we letting other people dictate what happiness should mean to us? How often are we letting the reactionary behavior of others decide our value, our path, our own actions when, really, most people in uncomfortable situations act like teenage boys without fully-formed frontal lobes?

I gave them a do-over. I have myself one, too. And, together we found a state of grace again.

Laura Gassner Otting
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Laura Gassner Otting inspires people to push past the doubt and indecision that keep great ideas in limbo. She delivers strategic thinking, well-honed wisdom, and perspective generated by decades of navigating change across the start-up, nonprofit, political, as well as philanthropic landscapes. 

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Season of Sharing: 10 Ways to Give Back

by scott wardell

With the whirlwind of holiday shopping, visiting relatives, and the kids out of school, we often forget that the holiday season is all about giving back. There are countless local charities in Los Angeles that wonderfully serve the community year round so we dug around and asked local moms and dads where they choose to give back. The list below is just a small sample of the many great Los Angeles charities so share the love and let us know in the comment section below where you and your family plan to give back this holiday season.

Karma Rescue. Karma Rescue saves at-risk dogs from the Los Angeles area shelters. They provide each dog a new beginning and finds them safe and suitable permanent homes. Volunteers of all ages are welcome to help with adoption events, walking the dogs, and giving them attention.

Hope Net. A local charity, Hope Net believes that none of our neighbors should go hungry. Fighting hunger and homelessness in the metro Los Angeles area depends on the help of pantry volunteers and other community members to serve those in need.

826LA. This non-profit organization supports students ages 6 to 18 with their creative and expository writing skills. Volunteers can help tutor after school, organize the annual Young Author’s Book Project, and assist on class field trips. There’s no hourly commitment for volunteering either, so it works around your schedule. Find 826LA hidden in this super cool Time Travel Mart!

One Voice. A multi-faceted organization, One Voice offers relief service to Los Angeles families struggling with poverty. During the holidays, One voice provides Christmas food baskets, toys and books to 2,500 families living in poverty in the Los Angeles area. Volunteers help sort and package the food and personally hand it out to those in need.

Westside Children’s Center. Westside Children’s Center is specifically geared towards children, especially those who enter the foster care system. Their mission is to place children in loving and stable homes and build safe communities for kids in Los Angeles.

El Centro del Pueblo. A culturally and linguistically oriented social service agency, El Centro del Pueblo provides job training, family preservation, child abuse and neglect intervention, emergency services, youth counseling, behavior change outreach, alcoholism prevention, AIDS prevention and a family development network.

Coach Art. CoachArt is a non-profit organization offering free lessons in the arts and athletics to patients with chronic illnesses and their siblings, ages 6-18. Volunteer mentors can pick the lessons they want to teach, including art, cooking, dance, music, sports, yoga, photography and more!

Union Station. Homelessness and very low-income families face tremendous hardships. Union Station is the largest social service agencies in the San Gabriel Valley, and works to rebuild the lives of men, women and children affected by homelessness. Volunteers can prepare meals, lead workshops, and help with administrative tasks.

Baby2Baby. Baby2Baby supplies Los Angeles families in need with essential baby gear and clothing for their children 0-4 years old. They distribute new and gently used items through a different community based organizations.

P.S ARTS. Arts education can make a significant difference in a child’s development–both socially and educationally. P.S. Arts offers arts programs to under-served schools and instructs educators on how to integrate creative expression into academic learning.

What does your family do to give back during the holidays? Do you give your time or put together items to donate?

— Scott Wardell

Photo credit Karma Rescue facebook page, 826LA facebook page, Westside Children’s Center facebook page, Coach Art facebook page, Baby 2 Baby facebook page

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