To me, there are things more important than just having a good day

A lot of parents say, “Have a good day!” to their kids as either party leaves the house. But I don’t just want my children to have a good day—even though that is important to me. There are other things I want them to also achieve and remember throughout their day. So, I started utilizing a short catchphrase I came across that embodies my hopes for my children’s day:

“Be good. Learn lots. Do your best. Have fun.”

It may seem silly, but it has actually worked for my family. I had always wanted to find a simple way to not only improve communication with my kids but also help them internalize what I say. Using this catchphrase ensures that they’ll remember my message as they go about their day and hopefully act on it.

While the catchphrase is simple enough, there’s a wealth of meaning behind it.

Be Good

When I tell my kids this, it’s partly a reminder for them to follow the rules and guidance of their teacher. However, it’s also a reminder to do good by others and to be kind, respectful and caring towards those they run into. I want to motivate them to do the right thing as they go through their day.

Learn Lots

Kids are naturally curious. They ask hundreds of questions every day as they seek to learn how things work and why things are the way they are. By telling my kids to learn lots, I’m encouraging them to hold onto their curiosity and to find all the answers that they can.

I want them to embrace learning as part of their lives and to increase both their academic prowess and their social competence. Every situation provides an opportunity to learn something new, and when they hear this phrase, I hope they remember to remain open to discovering new things.

Related: 22 Things to Say to Your Kids This School Year

Do Your Best

I tell my kids that I’ll always be proud of them as long as they do their best in whatever they’re doing, regardless of the outcome. I want them to focus on putting their best foot forward rather than focusing on winning or just getting something done for the sake of it. I encourage them to learn from failure and remind them that doing their best is always good enough.

Have Fun

I want my kids to be kids and enjoy their childhood, and this part of the catchphrase reminds them to do just that. It’s also a reminder to me not to let my expectations of my kids get in the way of their enjoyment of particular activities. Parents have a way of putting undue pressure on kids to perform, and this can do more harm than good. So this phrase reminds me to let go of my expectations and let my kids just have fun.

My kids know these words by heart, and I hope the message behind them sinks in to help guide their thoughts, decisions, and behavior even when I’m not around.

Related: 20 Empowering Things to Say to Your Daughter Every Day

Tyler Jacobson is a happy husband, father of three, writer and outreach specialist with experience with organizations that help troubled teens and parents. His areas of focus include: parenting, social media, addiction, mental illness, and issues facing teenagers today.

 

I am thinking about you today.

I want you to know that everything you do matters.

When you crawl into bed at night, aching from your temples to your toes, know that you have done enough. There may have been no progress made with toileting, feeding therapy or communication today and that is okay.

Your child is safe and so loved.

The weight of hectic schedules, parent trainings, OT, PT and visits with every other MD in-between can feel suffocating.

The research, the meltdowns, the battles over chicken nugget brands and clothing choices, all can withdraw every ounce of patience from your soul.

The smeared feces, the eloping, the pica and other behaviors you watched your friend’s toddlers outgrow. Years later, they remain in your child.

Most days are exhausting and thankless and I want you to know that your child appreciates you, they need you, and they love you beyond measure.

You need to know that.

Your child may not be able to express this, some of you may have never even heard your child call you “Mom.”

But they know you are Mom.

Your child is so grateful for all that you do and would be lost without you. Just as you would be lost without your sweet child.

I want you to know that you are not alone.

When your patience has been depleted.

When you’ve cried behind your sunglasses at a park as you watched your child’s differences come to light.

The loneliness you have felt from the long days spent with a child unable to read your emotions.

The difficult medical and educational decisions you struggle to make.

Know that there are so many of us with you.

We have felt the lows and celebrated the victories, too. We know the fear and the worry you wrestle with daily, and the immense pride you feel over the slightest progress.

I want you to find hope.

Today let’s bask in achievements and forget about regressions.

Even if only for one day.

Let your hope be stronger than your fears. With so many unknowns in the future, know that it’s going to get better.

I know this because we will grow stronger.

We will continue to learn, to advocate, to protect and make certain our children know their worth and just how very much they are loved.

I am so thankful for this sisterhood of amazing mothers today and every day.

Have a very Happy Mother’s Day.

This post originally appeared on Wilsonsclimb.com.

Lauren is a proud mom of two adorable kids, her son Wilson and daughter Charlie. She is constantly learning from her children and loves to share their adventures from the world of autism on wilsonsclimb.com.  Lauren shares her son's journey as one small piece in helping to spread autism awareness around the world.  

You want to tell your daughter what she needs to hear. Here are our favorite inspiring words to use

When it comes to helping your daughter become a strong woman, it’s important to offer compliments and inspiring words in a way that boosts self-esteem and confidence. Words are powerful, and when they come from a grown-up they can make a huge difference. From appreciating her creative side to how far and fast her strong legs will carry her, here are 20 ways to praise your daughter today (and every day). And here are 10 times your daughter shouldn’t have to say “I’m sorry.

a picture of a girl who just heard inspiring words, like quotes for a daughter, from her parent
iStock

1. Thanks for giving me a hug, I needed that. As kids grow older, they're less likely to want to snuggle up with mom or dad. When they do show affection, let them know it's as important to you as it's always been. 

2. I trust you. It's important kids know you trust them—it's the foundation for good communication once they hit the tween years

3. You are a good friend. Teaching kids about the power of healthy relationships is the key to raising strong adults.  

4. I love how hard you worked on this project, and how you stuck with it even when you got frustrated. Focus on how they overcame the challenge and what they accomplished.

5. You make the world a better place just by being in it. And if anyone thinks otherwise, it's their loss!

a happy girl who heard inspiring words
iStock

6. Don't let mean kids tell you what to think of yourself. Your self-esteem belongs to only you.

7. I'm so happy you're in my life. After all, wouldn't you want to hear that from someone you love?

8. Isn't it great that your strong legs can help you run super fast? Praising the things a little girl can do with her body instead of noticing how it looks will help her appreciate, and strive for, a healthy lifestyle.

9. I love the color combo you've got going on today, it's very creative! Nice things to say to your daughter don't have to focus on just looks. Compliment your daughter on her outfit when you focus on her creativity, rather than how pretty she looks.

10. You are a kind person. Compliments for girls that focus on kindness, courage, and honesty will go far in building self-esteem.

Related: 5 Things Never Ever to Say to Your Daughter

Photo by Eye for Ebony on Unsplash
Eye for Ebony via Unsplash

11. I am proud of you. Because kids need to hear this from their parents. Every. Day.

12. I’m impressed with how you solved/built/created that. Can you show me a thing or two?! Praise your daughter for her critical thinking and problem-solving prowess.

13. I think you are a great leader. One of the best things you can do for your daughter is to show her that being a leader isn’t just “being bossy.”

14. Just be yourself. It’s enough. Girls are constantly being told they aren’t enough, and it's time to break the cycle and instill confidence.

15. Your ideas are important, and I want to hear them. Kids in general, but especially girls, need to know their ideas are awesome and worth sharing.

Brittney Fort

16. Your inner beauty and kindness shine through your personality. Outer beauty is a bonus.

17. Your bright smile shows me how happy you are. Your daughter is smiling for a reason, and when you notice, it'll make her even happier. 

18. You're strong, you're smart, and you can change the world. Because she can!

19. I'm here for you. She needs to know that she can come to you for anything and that you'll be ready to listen.  

20. I'm sorry. No one is perfect, and sometimes we lose our cool. An apology shows that we can admit when we're wrong, which is an important life skill. 

Related: Daughters (Who’ll Conquer the World) Need to Hear These 8 Things

 

 

 

Empathy is the foundation of positive, fulfilling connection with others and has the power to decrease conflict by increasing kindness. It’s one of the most important things we can teach our children, but what exactly is it? Throughout the years, psychologists and neuroscientists have come to understand that there are several facets to empathy, including:

  • Feeling what another person is feeling, which is called emotional or affective empathy.

  • Putting yourself in another person’s shoes to take their perspective and see their point of view, called cognitive empathy or “perspective-taking.”

  • Taking action to help others based on your understanding of another person’s feelings and perspective, which is called compassion or behavioral empathy.

It’s also important to know the difference between sympathy and empathy. While “empathy” means feeling with another person as their equal and trying to understand their situation, “sympathy” means feeling concern (or pity) for another person’s misfortunes, which may create a power imbalance between people and keep them from truly connecting. In cases where we don’t have enough knowledge to put ourselves in another person’s shoes, we can practice curiosity and model it for our children. Modeling curiosity by having conversations and asking questions can provide valuable insights as to why a person might feel the way they do in a given situation.

So how can we teach kids empathy?

Educators and parents can create experiences that help kids exercise their ability to empathize with other people. In particular, educators can help students learn about and investigate their own points of view, appreciate different perspectives, and cooperate and communicate in a respectful, positive manner. In addition to modelling, there are a number of other things we can do as adults:

1. Teach Perspective-Taking
Use transformational moments or “teachable moments” to teach perspective-taking and cooperation skills. Whether through examples that happen between students in the classroom or conflicts in the book they’re reading, use these moments to encourage students to reflect and practice seeing the situation from other points of view.

2. Integrate Empathy Practices across All Subject Areas
Weave empathy into your day-to-day learning. For example, during reading, you can easily model and practice perspective-taking for characters in stories. I often find free empathy resources and activities on Empatico, which has “Empathy Book Club” activities that I use to guide in-class discussions to help my students relate to others’ emotions and experiences:

3. Model Active Listening & Respectful Communication
Establish norms of active listening and respectful communication at home and in the classroom. This includes learning about how body language, facial expressions, and tone can impact one’s interactions. For example, I try to actively listen to my students and children by making eye contact with them, focusing on what they’re saying (rather than thinking about what I want to say next), and using nonverbal cues like nodding.

4. Encourage Self-Regulation & Empathy
Work on making “self-regulation” a daily priority. A large part of self-regulation is the ability to be aware of your emotions and manage your reactions to feelings and situations. Teach students strategies like “body breaks,” focused breathing and “mindful minutes” where students focus on something that encourages calmness. If students are able to successfully self-regulate, they are more readily available to be empathetic towards others.

5. Design Purposeful Learning Experiences
By contextualizing learning in a way that connects classroom instruction to real-life experiences, students can apply new skills as they learn them. I’ve used Empatico to connect my students (and my own children!) with other kids across the globe for collaborative, virtual experiences that allow them to practice empathy skills with peers from different backgrounds. During class exchanges, we discuss and compare issues within our own communities. From there we come up with ideas of concrete things we can do to make a difference. In these experiences, the classes I am working with bond over what they are passionate about, what the issues are in their community and their volunteerism. It is a powerful exercise of empathy.

Empathy has the power to be an absolute game-changer for how future generations interact and connect. It is one of the most important things we can teach our students and children. At its core, empathy means feeling with another person and understanding their situation. It requires that we open our minds and become vulnerable enough to relate to others at deeper levels. It also entails acknowledging the other person’s humanity, that they are equally important as we are, and that their feelings are equally valid. When we do this, we can truly feel with another person and empathize with them. This process is what ultimately strengthens the connection between two individuals; therefore, enriching lives and making the world a better place.

 

Brittany McMillan is a wife, mother of three, and teacher in British Columbia, Canada teaching middle school. She is dedicated to helping her students and own children grow into empathetic, good humans. She also loves fishing, adventures, meeting new people from around the globe and riding bikes with her family.

Photo: Unsplash

From this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, till death do us part…

But what if it’s not one of you two who got sick? According to the Bureau of Labor Statistics, there are 40.4 million unpaid caregivers of adults ages 65 and older in the United States. Nine out of ten people from that group are providing care for an aging relative, and the relative majority is caring for a parent.

Becoming a caregiver changes a lot, and that is not an exaggeration. Your life is different now, and you have to come up with a plan to keep your marriage alive. Here are 5 tips for caregivers about how to protect your marriage.

Tip #1. Support Does Matter
Never underestimate a caregiver’s strain on the marriage. Being a caregiver may feel like having way too much on your plate, which doesn’t become any easier over time. In fact, caregiving affects marriage a lot. For example, dealing with an aging parent can lead to caregiver spouse burnout that will inevitably affect your marriage. The important thing to remember here is that you don’t have to deal with it alone.

Caregiving won’t ruin your relationship if you build your support group with people who are ready to give you a hand or two. It doesn’t necessarily have to be your best friend on speed dial; you can also consider joining support groups or counseling sessions once or twice a week. If you find your safe place and take some time to recharge, you can stay refreshed.

Tip #2. Never Forget to Schedule Some Me-Time
Have you ever felt like caregiving is ruining your marriage? The only reasonable outcome of everyday stress is burnout. To avoid that, you need to take some time to relax and regain your energy. No doubt, it is important to find time for your partner; however, sometimes, you will have to put your physical and mental health first to function at all.

Never underrate your own needs to have a rest. Treat yourself, do that face mask, watch the sitcom you’ve planned to, and, most importantly, don’t shame yourself for being a human. Elder care and marriage can coexist if you are taking care of yourself first.

Tip #3. Communication Is Key
When your spouse is a caregiver, it takes two of you to build strong and healthy communication in your relationship. If you’re the one taking care of an aging person, the bad news is your family members have no clue about your emotional state. So they may have a hard time guessing why you are so frustrated or irritable.

Have there been times when you lost your composure over little things? And your partner is confused because your reasons are not that obvious for them as they seem for you. Spouse caregiver burnout is much more common than you think. Talk with them, explain how you feel, why you feel that way, and what you need them to do to make things better. Actually, it works both ways; they also need to be heard and listened to. Everyone does.

Tip #4. Don’t Forget to Give Your Relationship That Precious Sparkle
Just a few extra minutes of snuggling in bed can do wonders for your marriage. Caregiver spouse intimacy is not off limits! Surprise your partner with a nice bubbly bath and a glass of wine, or take an evening off to do something together.

Sometimes even the little things are enough to show that you love your partner and care about your relationship. Just do it! And maybe one time you’ll come home to see the tickets to your favorite movie, a Broadway show or opera as a thank you for all your efforts.

Tip #5. Consider Other Options
An aging parent with health problems is, in fact, a common situation for most families. It might become a real problem when your spouse is a caregiver, so you may want to explore other options, such as care services. In-home caregiving help can become a lifesaver as you will still have some control over your parents and keep your life balance.

A nursing home gives you back the intimacy of your home, and what’s more, you can stop worrying about your parent’s wellbeing. If your parent has a chronic disease or other health issues, you can also consider a geriatric doctor. Talk with your parents and your partner to figure out what works best for all of you. Remember to keep their interests in mind as it’s not about choosing between a spouse and an elderly parent.

Marriage and caring for aging parents are not mutually exclusive. As long as you put some effort into handling your family-life balance and maintaining harmony at home, nothing is impossible. Patience and understanding are crucial for working through this complicated stage of your life. Just remember to choose your priorities and work out a strategy and stick to it.

 

I'm a certified life transformation coach at OnlineDivorce.com and a freelance writer with expertise in mindfulness and sustainability. In addition, I'm a published author focused on the most progressive solutions in Psychology. I help people go through fundamental life challenges and build an entirely new life by reframing their personal narratives.  

If you already love Lovevery’s Play Kit subscription that is packed with stage-based activities, buckle up. The brand just dropped a brand new complement to the award-winning kits, the Lovevery App!

Starting today, current Play Kits subscribers can download the iOS app (Android will soon be released in 2022) and grab oodles of content for their 0-12 month olds. Parents will have fresh “today’s picks,” digital play guides, videos, Expert Q & A features, easy DIY’s and instructions for your play kits.

One of the biggest positives about the app is that it seamlessly coincides with your baby’s age and stage. Not only that, you can easily submit your questions to an expert team and get quick responses back on topics like sleep, feeding and more.

Right now, the app is focusing on content for 0-12 month olds, with plans to expand in the future.

The plethora of topics include memory, problem solving, family life, feeding, introducing solids, communication, motor skills, parent life, play sleep, baby care and more. Head to the App Store and grab the app today!

––Karly Wood

All photos: Courtesy of Lovevery

 

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It’s not that I have anything against screen time. Far from it! It’s just that when you’ve seen a band of superheroes save a city for the 47th time or you end up watching the same characters, in their same house, doing more or less the same activities, you tend to wish there was more of a there there. If we, as parents, have access to compelling and diverse TV series and podcasts, why can’t our kids have the same? 

Well, maybe they can. 

For the third day in a row now, my 4-year-old has come home from school, burst through the front door and announced, “Can we watch Pirates today?” But instead of a mindless show about stealing treasure, he gets to follow a crew of art lovers in search of colorful works around the world that have been banned by Queen Conformia. The unexpected result? My child is suddenly familiar with—and excited about—trompe l’oeil and Cubism. (I know, right?)

Pirates: Adventures in Art is just one of the offerings on the Encantos app, a kids’ educational app that uses entertaining stories to teach. It side-steps the same old formulas in favor of stories from creators of all different backgrounds. Presented as videos, e-books, songs, games and audio experiences, the content topics span from more basic learning (math, shapes, language) to life lessons (self-esteem, communication) for kids under eight.


My kid was more drawn to the longer 12- and 22-minute video series (shout-out, Monster Math Squad), but shorter options and games are available for littler ones or those with less patience. Parents looking to introduce their kids to new cultures are able to do via craft videos from around the world—Guatemalan worry dolls? so cool—and a Tiny Traveler book series that encourages globe trotting and fact finding. There are also mindfulness-focused storycasts for kids who love to listen and would benefit from learning a few fun chill-out techniques, including breathwork. 

Overall, the app offers an array of thoughtful programs featuring characters and perspectives that rarely get much play. Odds are, one or two of the Storyworlds will captivate your little ones (especially those in their preschool or pre-K years) and add some fun learning opportunities outside the classroom. But there’s really only one way to find out.

Learn more about Encantos here. Tinybeans users can get 3 months of Encantos free with the purchase of an annual subscription with the promo code TINY15 at Encantosworld.com. Offer only available online, not through App Store.

It’s not that different. I know it seems that way from an outside eye, but it’s not. Raising a non-verbal child with autism may appear abnormal to others. In our house, though, it’s the most normal thing in the world.

I get it. There was once a time when I was raising my daughter and my son hadn’t yet entered my life. I know how I saw families raising similar children to the boy who would eventually join us. I remember pity and misunderstanding. In my mind, those in the position that I would unknowingly one day be in myself had been doomed to an incredibly difficult life.

When Lucas was born and eventually diagnosed, that incredibly difficult life never materialized. Sure, raising my non-verbal son is hard at times. Then again, raising my very-verbal daughter is hard at times. If you’re a parent to any child, on or off the spectrum, feeling that another parent has it hard and you don’t is a big assumption. To be completely frank, if you’re a parent and you don’t think that it veers into difficult territory now and again, you’re doing it wrong.

There are so many reasons why having a special needs child in my home isn’t some daily cause of depression. For starters, he’s great. My kid is great. He’s sweet and kind without any overly selfish or aggressive tendencies. Ironically, I credit a lot of that to his autism. His loves and enjoyments are for his own satisfaction. He doesn’t get joy in insulting others or fighting for his own things. He just goes with the flow. After Autism Awareness comes Autism Acceptance. In our house, we’re up to Autism Appreciation.

Then there’s the fact that normal is as normal does. This has always been our life and, to us, it’s normal. We have long searched for ways to better communicate with him. Thanks to picture boards and communication devices, we’ve been able to. I know when he wants pizza. I know when he wants to watch Raffi. We’ve unlocked many of the same doors parents with neurotypical children opened. It just took us a bit longer and the doors we found were partially hidden. 

The biggest reason it’s not so strange for my daughter and me to have a non-verbal child with autism in our house is that it’s not so strange to have a non-verbal child with autism in your house. It sounds basic, but it’s true. I’ve learned that the unique ways my son sees the world are like how the rest of us see it.

If he returns home after a long day of school and the television goes on with his favorite show, he begins cheering. Clapping and yelping with delight, my 10-year-old little man dances around the den; sporadically stopping to tap my chest with an expression that says, “Yo! Look! My show is on!” It’s adorable.

It’s also exactly what I want to do when, after a long day, I return home and my favorite show comes on. Who doesn’t want to jump around cheering? Who doesn’t want to tap everyone in the room so they see? In many ways, this action is exactly the one I, and many others, would take if it wasn’t for these darn social walls many of us have built since childhood.

He repeats sounds and movements that he enjoys. They call this “stimming.” We all do that too. In the case of many, that stim is a song “stuck in your head” or funny-sounding name. We click our pens and tap our fingers. People stim. So does my son. It ain’t no big thing.

Sure, there are some things he does that aren’t connected to me but, as paradoxical as that sounds, that’s actually another similarity. All of us have unique characteristics that no one else in our vicinity can share. We have quirks, habits, and personality traits that are one in a million. He does and I’d like to hope I do. We’re all special. Mr. Rogers said so.

At the end of the day, my kid is a kid. Autism might be a part of his personality, but it’s not his entire being. He’s his own person and that’s why we love him. The old saying might be that “if you meet one person with autism, you’ve met one person with autism.” But the better saying would be, if you meet one person, you’ve met one person. It doesn’t get any truer than that.