ML Interest Tag: confusion

8 Dos and Don’ts of Baby Sleep (So Everyone Gets More Rest)

by Heather Dixon

There’s no shortage of information out there on the topic of getting your baby to sleep because, as you’ve probably already learned, being sleep-deprived is not fun. From sleeping through the night to nap routines, schedules and even self-soothing, there’s a lot to know about sleep when it comes to your babe. To help you wade through a bit of the confusion (and avoid that overwhelmed new parent feeling), here are a few of the most important do’s and don’ts of baby sleep, with help from Amanda Jewson, sleep consultant and founder of Baby’s Best Sleep.

Do: Let them sleep as much as they want for the first 3-4 months. Really.

When babies are newborns, their circadian rhythms aren’t fully developed. They sleep a LOT (around 16-20 hours a day!)—but in an irregular pattern. That means it’s pretty tough to get your baby on any kind of routine or schedule. “These initial months are a time of adjustment for your newborn as they’re still getting used to feeding and sleep patterns,” explains Jewson. But she stresses that there’s one time to be a little more diligent with even a wee newborn: If they have their days and nights mixed up. “You’ll want to correct that by waking from naps to feed and expose the baby to sunlight. Keep interactions overnight to a minimum and offer feeds quickly and in the dark when possible.”

So unless you’re dealing with day-night confusion, try to cut yourself a little slack and don’t obsess about sleep times and bedtime routines and all that just yet. Let your wee newborn sleep as much as they want, whenever they want, for the first 4 months or so.

Do: Set up a consistent place for them to sleep.

Once you and your baby are ready for a bit of a routine and schedule, setting up a consistent place for them to sleep is definitely key. Sure, it’s great to let them sleep on you while you’re watching TV or have them doze off while you’re out and about, but it’s not ideal once they get past that itty-bitty newborn phase and you establish a predictable routine. Having them go to sleep in the same place consistently will help them associate their sleep environment with bedtime—and you’ll all hopefully be getting the Z’s you need! Try setting up a room with a few safe sleep essentials essentials like a crib, blackout shades or blinds for a darkened room, and a white noise machine, and put them to bed there regularly for naps and at nighttime.

But don’t stress if this doesn’t totally work for your family. “I believe in the value of consistency, but I also appreciate the need for flexibility,” says Jewson. “For instance, you could aim for the first few naps to always be in the crib and then have some “on-the-go” naps later in the day to suit your lifestyle. Mostly, doing things that allow for the family to function is always preferred over a set routine or method. A problem is only a problem when it’s a problem for your family!”

Don’t: Keep them up late in order to try and get them to sleep in.

One thing you’ll hear a lot when the topic of baby sleep comes up is this: Sleep begets sleep. “Contrary to popular belief, keeping your baby up late doesn’t mean they’ll sleep in the next morning,” Jewson stresses. “Babies and young children have early circadian rhythms, meaning their bodies are ‘pre-programmed’ to wake early no matter when they go to bed.” So the later they go to bed, the less total sleep they’ll get—and getting an overtired baby to sleep is a challenge all in itself since their bodies can start to release cortisol, which makes it hard to settle. So heed our warning: If you keep your baby up late in hopes of a longer sleep-in, you’ll likely just end up with a sleepy and grumpy baby. Not fun for anyone.

Don’t: Ignore sleepy cues.

Over time, you’ll come to know your baby’s unique pattern of sleep cues, which present in two phases for newborns. “Look out for early sleep cues like a faraway stare, disinterest in play, or slower feeding,” Jewson explains. “Later tired cues like eye-rubbing, yawning, or fussiness may mean you’re past the point of having an easy sleep.” Once babies get older, the later cues become the ones to watch for. When you start noticing the things your baby does when they’re tired, try your best to get started on your naptime or bedtime routine as soon as possible. There’s nothing worse than missing a tired baby’s window and crossing into overtired territory.

Do: Develop a bedtime routine.

It may seem very minor, but wind-down time right before bed is crucial for little ones. “It serves as a signal to your baby that it’s time to wind down,” Jewson says. Your bedtime routine can be as simple as a bath, a cuddle, and a story, then off to sleep. Whatever you choose, keep it consistent so that your baby knows it’s time to relax and drift off to dreamland. The best part? “A bedtime routine is a simple and painless way to improve baby sleep immediately!”

Do: Use that routine at nap time, too.

Naps can be tricky because babies and kids seem to hate them, but parents love them—and everyone needs them! So, if there’s anything that can be done to help encourage your baby to nap, we’re all for it, and Jewson says that means incorporating a bit of your nighttime routine before naps. “At nap time, you can employ some elements from the bedtime routine, like reading a short story or dimming the lights, to establish the association with sleep and these pre-bed activities.” Anything they can associate with sleep will make it easier on you and your baby.

Don’t: Rush in the second your baby makes a little noise.

Babies tend to make a lot of noise when they sleep, but just because they’re fussing a little doesn’t necessarily mean they’re ready to get up. Even though it’s pretty much a burning instinct within us to pick our baby up as soon as she cries, Jewson says to wait. “Before rushing in to soothe a crying baby, I suggest waiting a few minutes to see if they’ll self-soothe.” That being said, it’s important to discern whether your baby is briefly fussy or actually distressed—and you can generally trust your intuition on this one. Trying your best to let them practice falling back asleep on their own is a great life skill that will serve you all well in the long run. 

Do: Whatever works for you.

You can try following every tip, trick, schedule and philosophy under the sun when it comes to sleep. In the end, you’ll find that whatever works for one person doesn’t necessarily work for you and your family because every child is unique. “The best approach suits your family’s needs and aligns with your child’s temperament,” Jewson explains. “Be flexible and willing to adapt your strategy as your child grows.” And don’t feel the need to fix other people’s problems—just the ones that make it hard for your family to function. “All the rest will come out in the wash!”

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20+ Facts about Halloween to Share with Your Kids

by Amber Guetebier

How many of these Halloween facts do you know?

Although your kids might think otherwise, Halloween isn’t just about candy! We caught up with some of our favorite folks from Ireland to share the origin stories of our spookiest holiday. From the traditions surrounding Halloween costumes to the backstory of carving pumpkins, here are Halloween facts to share with your little ghouls and goblins.

The Original Halloween: Samhain

interesting Halloween facts
Mick O'Niell via ireland.com

Here's the very first Halloween fact you should know. The celebration began over 3,000 years ago as the Celtic festival of Samhain, pronounced sow-in. Say it out loud and you'll be able to hear the connection to the modern word Hallow-een. 

When the Christian holiday of All Hallow's Eve arrived in the 5th century, which took place around the same time of year, the practices began to merge and the more common term became Halloween. 

Samhain marks the end of the harvest season and a transition into the darker months of winter, the Celts believed that this was a time when the worlds of the living and the dead could interact, and spirits could move between the worlds.

Walk Among Us: The Tradition of Costumes

Halloween facts about costumes
iStock

In order to avoid being tricked or taken into the Otherworld (aka the world of the dead) people would disguise themselves as spirits like ghosts, fairies, witches, demons, and goblins.

Ancient celts would frequently don animal skins and other elaborate outfits. These costumes would cause confusion and allow the living to walk among the spirits without harm. This is where our tradition of dressing up on Halloween comes from! 

Light It Up: Bonfires

Halloween facts about bonfires
Iieland.com

Bonfires are lit on the hillsides to mark the holiday, a tradition that still is popular today in Ireland. Traditionally a Samhain bonfire was a place where clans and communities would gather together to celebrate. 

Recent archaeological excavations have suggested that Tlachtaga, or the Hill of Ward, (in present-day County Meath) was used for feasting and celebration over 2,000 years ago. There is also documentation in manuscripts that it was thought that the fire from this hill was used to rekindle all of the fires in Ireland. 

Knife Skills: Carving Pumpkins

Ireland.com

Another fun Halloween fact is that the tradition of carving pumpkins also has its origins in Ireland. While pumpkins are indigenous to the Americas, the Irish carved turnips and large potatoes into the original jack-o'lanterns.

Why the name Jack? Many believe it's because of the story of a man named Stingy Jack, who tried to trick the Devil. He did not succeed and as punishment, he was doomed to wander eternity with only a turnip with a single ember to light his way. 

Some believe that the single ember to light a jack-o'-lantern came from the Samhain bonfire and brought good luck to the household. It was placed inside a turnip and carried to the hearth to light the first fire of the Celtic New Year (Nov. 1). 

Trick-or-Treating & Caroling???

a group of kids in costumes is ready to go trick or treating with pumpkins in hand
iStock

The practice of going door to door and asking for candy has its roots in this tradition:

On the night of Samhain, or in preparation for the big bonfire, children and the poor would go door to door to ask for donations for the celebration: food, kindling for the fire, or money. 

In exchange, they would sing songs and offer prayers for the dead. Often they were given a traditional food called a soul cake: a flat fruit cake. The tradition was known as "souling." 

A Feast...for Vegetarians?

ireland.com

Feasting was a traditional part of the Samhain celebration, and foods included were those that were in abundance at the end of harvests, such as nuts, apples, grains, poultry, beef, pork, and squash.

Eventually, Samhain merged with the Christian practice of All Hallow's Eve (to create Halloween), and the day before became a day of fasting and preparation. 

Part of the fasting was to eat no meat, so vegetarian fare became the norm, including the use of apples, squash, turnips, and potatoes. 

The classic Irish potato dish colcannon became part of a long-lasting Halloween recipe tradition, along with fadge (an apple cake) and barmbrack.

A Fortune Telling Cake

Ireland.com

Barmbrack is a sort of fortune-telling cake that has trinkets or coins baked into it. What you get in your slice could predict what your new year holds. You can find a recipe here (caution should be used when serving this type of cake as there are small pieces that could be hazardous to young kids, so use sound judgment here). 

Common items found in barmbracks include a ring (marriage), a coin (wealth), and a piece of cloth (bad luck).

In some places, you'll find other unique items, including a stick (an argument), a thimble (independence), and a button (bachelorhood). 

Is That a Love Spell in Your Colcannon?

VegaTeam via ireland.com

Colcannon, a beloved Irish dish of potatoes and cabbage, isn't just for warming your belly. 

If you were single and seeking a spouse, you would make colcannon on this magical night with similar symbols to barmbrack: a ring was marriage, thimbles a life of living solo, and coins were wealth. 

If you were unmarried, you may be sent into the garden to pick the cabbage while blindfolded. Then the colcannon was made with that chosen cabbage, and a single ring was added. Whoever found the ring would be next to marry. 

One legend tells of putting the first and last spoonful of colcannon into a sock and hanging it on the door. The first (single?) person to walk through that door would be their spouse. 

Find a traditional colcannon recipe here. 

 

A special thanks to ireland.com for the imagery and information!

 

 

 

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Empowering Kids to Be Smarter Spenders

By Taylor Burton

As our kids begin their second consecutive pandemic-impacted school year, the Delta Variant is threatening the chances of a “normal” school experience, parenting can feel more stressful than ever. 

With all this uncertainty, it’s important that we continue to foster meaningful conversations with our kids to help them feel secure, grounded and connected, despite feelings of fear, anxiety and confusion. One topic families may be reluctant to discuss? Money. According to a recent survey by T. Rowe Price, 69% of parents are reluctant to talk with their kids about money, and only 23% of kids reported talking with their parents about money on a regular basis. It may seem like a strange time to talk about money with everything happening in the world, but this conversation can be an important part of daily interactions with your child to help build a strong foundation during times of uncertainty. 

Demystifying money, by making it a regular topic of discussion, is crucial to helping your kids develop smart money habits later in life. And its not just talking about money, but giving kids exposure to money decisions: what to buy, what not to buy and how to make those tradeoffs is an important muscle for them to start flexing while still at home. Without a solid financial foundation, based on conversations and experience, kids will be unprepared to function as successful economic actors when they leave the nest. 

The first step for empowering kids to be smarter spenders is collaboration. Encourage your kids to ask questions by including them in spending decisions. Shopping, whether for back to school supplies or for a hobby, is a great opportunity to give your kids a budget and allow them to buy items that will directly impact their daily experience. 

The next step: Make a plan around spending. Sit down with your kids and break down their expenses into different buckets: wants vs. needs, fixed vs. variable expenses. This is a great way to help kids visualize money and gain a firmer understanding of their financial situations. After making a plan, the final steps are to set goals and prioritize. Ask your kids what short and long term purchases they want to make and use the plan from earlier to evaluate how close they are to achieving their spending and saving goals. For example, do your kids want to save up for a new gaming console? If so, they might want to take fewer trips to the ice cream shop. 

While these steps are a great way to get kids thinking about smart money habits, tools like Till give kids hands-on spending experience by putting the power in their hands. Till is an app and debit card combo designed to encourage collaboration between parents and kids. Unlike other apps that focus on saving or investing, Till’s #1 priority is teaching kids to be smarter spenders. The reality is that we are living in a spending economy, and without developing the ability to spend effectively, kids will have a very difficult transition once they leave the nest. 

On average, each kid in the US influences family purchases of $6,000 a year. That equates to a lot of opportunities to teach them about how to spend wisely. Imagine if instead of putting some of those expenses on a credit card auto-pay, you use the opportunity to talk with your kid on a monthly basis about if it’s a worthwhile expense, and better yet, give them the exposure and the opportunity to pay the bill themselves (even if you subsidize it). Paying bills is a very real part of life that kids should have exposure to before they’re out on their own and potentially caught off guard. 

We all want our kids to grow up to be strong, educated financial actors. Taking the time to teach your kids smart money habits will benefit them for the rest of their lives. No one knows what this next year will bring, but one thing you can control is planting the seeds for your kids’ long-term financial success.

 

Taylor Burton is the co-founder of Till Financial, the first app and debit card that empowers the next generation of smarter spenders, helping families find teachable moments to learn financial literacy and demystify money management for kids. He is a proud father of two girls and lives in Brooklyn, NY with his wife.

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The Worst & Best of Parenting

By Priya Doshi

Parenting is the hardest job. 

At times I feel like I am wasting my time arguing with my tween daughter just because I want her to perform better in her studies.

I feel sick of dealing with my son’s tantrums. 

Parenting is also the most stressful job, I forgot to add that.

I was told by well-meaning relatives that a mother has the right to feel frustrated at times. But little did I know (before my husband and I decided to have two kids) that parenting is mind-numbing, mundane and boring. It feels like you are living someone else’s life and not yours.

I mean, parents are humans too. Parents would like to live their lives too. Just because one has had kids doesn’t mean it is the end of the road for one’s personal wishes, desires, dreams and most importantly, their freedom.

Freedom does get curtailed quite a lot after becoming a parent. 

Well, especially for parents like us who have no help. 

Yes, my husband and I have to just rely on each other. It can very hard when you are desperately looking for a break from doing things for kids all the time.

One thing that has reduced the stress from this monotonous job was that I decided to put my kids into a routine from a very young age (3 months of age). A stroke of luck or intuition.  

I was led to believe, by another set of well-meaning relatives that as a parent, I am too strict. Yes, because I put my babies into a routine.

I was told that I am like a timetable! I have too many rules with the kids.

I know at times I do go overboard with my rules. Sometimes, one rule contradicts another and creates confusion.

But hey, I am trying my best here without much help. My hubby works full time so help is available from him only in the evenings and weekends. 

It is okay if I make mistakes at times. I know I am not a perfect parent.

But I know for sure that I am doing my best. 

Sometimes, my kitchen is messy. Sometimes my laundry basket is overflowing. At times, I even postpone cleaning as I am so tired or I have just haven’t had the chance.

But I know I am doing my best.

At times, I yell at my kids without a reason. But there are times, I follow all the parenting tips that I preach to the T.

But I know I am doing my best. 

At times, I cry on my husband’s shoulder because I am so bored and frustrated with being a mother even if the kids haven’t misbehaved the entire day.

But I know I am doing my best.

I know I love my children and it is okay for me to feel frustrated at times.

There are times when I feel like the most privileged person in the universe when people praise my kids for being so well mannered. 

Sometimes, I just feel privileged for doing things for them.

Sometimes, I feel privileged when I watch them playing together. At times, I feel so touched by their innocent questions. 

And sometimes I just melt when they hug and kiss me. 

These far and few good moments are what give me the strength to get through the tougher moments of parenting. 

But I know deep inside my heart that I cannot imagine my life without my kids. 

Parenting is a tough journey but worth it in the end. 

 

 

 

 

Priya is a Freelance Writer for hire. She has a Parenting Blog. She has also written an E-book Painless Parenting where she shares tips that can make the difficult journey of parenting easier.  She is a regular mum from London who loves spending time with her kids and eating chocolates.

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Dear White Allies

By Natalie Fuertes

Photo: istock

It’s been over a week since the murder of George Floyd. Are you tired? I’ve seen a lot of you say that the weight of the nation is exhausting right now—the anger, the sadness, the confusion, the constant news updates. The fear that you’re going to say or do something wrong sits heavy on your chest. I ask you to sit with that weight, that exhaustion, that vulnerability. It’s so important to do so now more than ever. Why? Because that’s the weight that our black community has been carrying alone for decades. It’s time to carry that burden with them.

The way that you’re questioning every move you make, every word you say, is what POC have to do every day. Those little things build up. Do you text your friend the night before a job interview to ask them if you should straighten your hair because you’re afraid you won’t get the job if you wear it natural? Do you hide your bottle of water before you walk into a store because you’re afraid they’ll think you stole it? Have you ever had to talk to your kids about what to do if they ever get arrested? And those are just the small, everyday things. But they build up.

I’m probably in the minority when I say this, but now is the time for uplifting, hopeful messages. I’m seeing a lot of you say, “We need some goodness in our lives right now.” And while it’s good for everyone’s mental health to carve out some moments of peace for yourself, so that you can smile even just for a second, it’s important that we sit in the hurt, discomfort, and overwhelm right now. Why? Because if we don’t, then this fire that we all feel right now is just going to burn out. We’re going to go back to our everyday lives after a few days of posting meaningful quotes and this will just be another protest that goes nowhere. We owe it to the black community to feel uncomfortable right now.

So I encourage you to spend some time in the dark. In the hurt. In the pain. In the confusion. In the sadness. In the anger.

Natalie Fuertes is the owner of Industry Gymnastics, a gymnastics facility in NYC that focuses on creating a space that is welcoming to all children, regardless of race, gender identity, or sexual-orientation. She is a proud Nuyorican, racial justice advocate, wife, and mama of two. 

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Raising a Child with Autism Can Be Lonely but It Doesn’t Have to Be

By Lauren Emmett

During the years surrounding my son’s autism diagnosis, I could barely say the word “autism” out loud. I thought I would just break down every single time and, frankly, I didn’t have time for that. To be clear, this had nothing to do with shame. Not one day has gone by that I am not immensely proud of this boy.

It was about fear, worry, the unknown, and all the other bumps along the road to acceptance. All a parent could ever want is for their child to be okay.  Autism has a way of tricking your brain into questioning if that will be the case.  There is so much to learn and understand before some of that uncontrollable worry begins to fade.

I threw myself into research. We got on waitlists. I began on the path to truly knowing this boy.

And I wrote. I got it all out. Everything that was too hard to talk about at the time. Processing this kind of information is not easy, and it can be very lonely. This is a big reason why I am here, sharing our story. I never want other families to feel the same confusion and loneliness that we felt at the beginning of this journey.

It has meant so much to me to connect with other autism families, some who are going through the steps to a diagnosis or have a child that was recently diagnosed, and other parents of children of all different ages and abilities.

The main message I want to convey to all these parents is that there will be many times that you will feel alone in this, but you do not have to be. I constantly must remind myself of this.

I cannot tell you how many situations there have been where my knee-jerk reaction was that no one knows how this feels. The same battles, day in and day out, the medical incident reports, medical and educational decisions, the moment I saw AUTISM written on paper in an evaluation about my boy.

I’ll tell you there is not one thing I could tell my fellow parents of children with autism about our life that would shock them. Seriously. The fears, the frustrations, the meltdowns, and all the “inappropriate” behaviors we’ve faced. They get it. They also get how big some of the simple, small victories truly are as well.

Things can still be hard for me to process a lot of the time. Sometimes it seems easier to sit alone with the tough stuff. If you do this, please don’t stay there long. Let someone sit with you.

Find your own way to work through your thoughts and feelings. They are real and should not be ignored.

Talk to someone. You might find this safe person in a waiting room at therapy or the pediatrician’s office, on the playground, or online. If all of this sounds impossible and overwhelming because you can’t even say “autism” out loud yet, that is okay too! It will get easier to talk about and then you will be ready to lean on others.

The best way for your friends and family to learn about autism and support you as a parent raising a child with autism is to tell them. Tell them about your child. Tell them about your struggles, your child’s struggles, strengths, passions, victories, and all the things.

They might not understand exactly how you feel, but they don’t have to. Sometimes talking through things just leaves you feeling better. I promise your people want to support you and celebrate with you and your child, you just have to let them.

I’m not saying you have to wave your autism awareness flag as loudly as I do. We all do this life differently. Find a place that makes you feel supported.

I am so much stronger today than the day I walked out of that psychiatrist’s office with my son’s diagnosis in hand. My whole family is. If you would have told me this back then, I may have not believed you.

My boy is always growing and evolving and most days it feels like autism is always one step ahead of me. It’s like trying to catch and examine the wind. There is still so much unknown to wrestle with.

While I may never understand everything going on inside of this complicated boy, what I do know is that I will never stop trying, and there are so many people here rooting for him.

This post originally appeared on wilsonsclimb.com.

Lauren is a proud mom of two adorable kids, her son Wilson and daughter Charlie. She is constantly learning from her children and loves to share their adventures from the world of autism on wilsonsclimb.com.  Lauren shares her son's journey as one small piece in helping to spread autism awareness around the world.  

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The System Is Failing Our Autistic Adults

By Laurie Hellmann

 

teen with backpack alone

photo: Jesús Rodríguez via Unsplash

The month of April is notoriously known for bringing awareness to autism. I am a huge proponent of using this monthly platform to educate about the sad realities for autistic adults and the overwhelming need for autism acceptance and inclusion.

All parents have hopes and dreams for their children. My plans and expectations for Skyler’s life began before he was even born.

Would he be a star athlete, high achieving student always on the honor roll, musically inclined, or even better, an exceptional friend to everyone he meets.

Of course, I daydreamed about Skyler’s career path too. Perhaps he’d love the law like his mother and become an attorney. Maybe he’d find true joy being an engineer, doctor, contractor or salesman.

As his name reveals, and I’d always say, “Sky’s the limit for my boy.”

Six months into parenting, assuming I was nailing it like a pro, imagine the shock and confusion I felt hearing that my beautiful son had autism.

Immediately following the diagnosis, I received very limited information because “much is still unknown about the cause, treatment options, financial support available and future prognosis for those with ASD.”  Not to mention, each child with autism is completely unique, so each family will travel a different path along their journey.

As I was sent on my way with a few generic pamphlets and a bill for the office visit, I was forced to dramatically shift from everything I thought I knew about parenting and had to accept my new reality.

I thought, “He’s only three. If I remain steadfast on getting him into every therapy and early intervention I can find, surely, he will be afforded every chance to experience the same things as his peers when the time comes—employment, self-advocacy and independent living.”

I knew autism would impact the pace of his development but never did I give up on preparing Skyler for the incredible future that he deserved.

I always assumed I had plenty of time.

And just like that, in the blink of an eye, Skyler turns 18-years-old next week. Believe me, when I tell you, I’m still in complete disbelief. I’m not ready…I need more time.

I desperately try not to dwell on the harsh realities of life for a non-verbal, severely autistic adult. I always assumed that, by the time Skyler was an adult, things would have drastically improved.

Sadly, the old stigmas still exist.

It’s often assumed that upon turning the page from childhood to adulthood, all learning potential has stopped and therefore, the need for continued support, programs, funding and educational resources is a moot point.

Autism is not something a person outgrows nor is there a magic age where new skills and progress are no longer achievable.

Acceptance and coming to terms with an uncertain adult future for Skyler has remained the hardest concept for me to grasp and keeps me awake at night.

The fact is, not all autistic adults are alike. Some talk, some don’t. Some drive, some don’t. Some can advocate for themselves, others cannot.

As Skyler officially becomes an adult, I feel as though I’m back in that medical office receiving a second autism diagnosis—but this time, there’s not a single pamphlet on how to navigate adulthood within a system that’s broken. I’m frightened and angrier knowing that Skyler is now among the older autistic population that is forgotten about and disregarded.

According to the CDC, as of April 2020, an estimated 5.4 million adults in the United States have autism.

Sadly, the federal requirement for providing supportive services in adulthood does not exist! The avoidance and refusal to address this issue, at both state and federal levels, which affects a rapidly growing population of adults on the spectrum, is a travesty.

For families like mine, who support a loved one with autism, our daily fight advocating for services, resources and equality lasts for the entirety of our child’s life and likely beyond my own lifetime.

While I appreciate the demonstration of solidarity as the world “lights up blue” on Apr. 2nd for World Autism Awareness Day, I can’t help but think, what we truly need instead is acknowledgment that the opportunities for our adults on the spectrum to thrive in this country are lacking and we need action taken.

It’s critical that entire communities everywhere stand together and demand assistance, support and change for all autistics—not just for those under the age of 21.

The Autism Society of America recognizes that the prevalence of autism in the United States has risen from 1 in 125 children in 2010 to 1 in 59 in 2020!

Clearly, this rapid increase in newly diagnosed children also translates into a growing adult autistic population.

Therefore, the goal for Autism Acceptance Month should be twofold:

1. To further increase understanding and awareness about autism signs and symptoms.
2. Invest time, energy and funding toward creating community partnerships with businesses and organizations dedicated to building inclusive experiences for all age groups.

So, I encourage you to join me, not just for the month of April but year-round, to #CelebrateDifferences. Let’s use our voices to generate change.

I'm the mom to an 18 year old son with severe autism, a neurotypical teen daughter & have an incredibly supportive husband! I authored a memoir - Welcome to My Life: A Personal Parenting Journey Through Autism & host the podcast Living the Sky Life. Visit my website www.LaurieHellmann.com to learn more about me!

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Turning My Worry into Wonder

By Kim Mcisaac

Worry could be my middle name.

I suffer from severe anxiety. 

I don’t know where normal worry begins or ends because the anxiety takes of over like an uncontrollable monster that steals every ounce of rational thought.

All parents worry and parents with special needs children, or medically complex children even more so. 

Our children are so vulnerable and that makes us vulnerable too. 

I worry about what will happen to my daughter if I die. If anyone will love her, understand her, and connect with her the way I do. 

I know she will be cared for and I know she will be loved but she needs so much more. 

I worry about her getting sick or hurt as she is unable to communicate this with us.  When she is sick I have to fight the panic that can consume me. 

I worry about someone mistreating her or worse—how will I know?  

The worry can eat away at you. 

I wonder why this happened to her and what she would be like if she wasn’t affected by this. 

Would she be as happy, as sweet and lovable? Would she bring light and joy to everyone the way she does now?  

I wonder why I was blessed with this beautiful soul to take care of, this sweet and sassy, smart and silly girl, who is full of innocence and love. 

I wonder what kind of person I would be without her. 

I wonder what she thinks, how she feels, what it’s like to be her—is she truly happy?

I wonder if she knows how much I love her, deep in my soul, a connection like no other. 

I wonder if she knows how proud I am for every single accomplishment, no matter how small because I know how much work it is for her and how hard she had to dig for them. That my heart could burst with every new word that I thought I would never hear, every hug or kiss that I didn’t think I would ever receive. 

I wonder if she knows I would take all her struggles, confusion, and pain as my own and carry them for her if I could. 

I wonder what she will surprise me with next because she never ceases to amaze me. The worry as a special needs mom, a mom in general, and for me as a person will never stop. I have learned however to find happiness and peace in the here and now. To find the humor in every situation and to appreciate the beauty this life has bought me. 

 

Kim McIsaac , is a blogger at autism adventures with Alyssa . She resides in Massachusetts with her husband and four children .  She advocates and passionate about spreading autism awareness and educating and inspiring others . She likes to write , spend time with her  family and loves the beach . 

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Before We Knew Autism

By Jaime Ramos

Photo: Jaime Ramos

Pictures, pictures, and more pictures. I’ve been taking pictures since I was nine and my parents bought me a camera for my birthday. This was before smartphones and the craze of capturing every moment.

I love it. 

Sometimes after the exhausting bedtime routine I lay in bed and stare at pictures of my kids. Yes, the kids that I’m constantly with, the ones I just prayed would fall asleep and leave me alone.

Suddenly in the quiet and dark of my room, I miss them.

When I look at baby pictures of my son Johnny, who is five and on the autism spectrum, it’s a conflicting feeling that pulls at my heart.

I think about how cute and little he was, how I miss having a little baby, but it also feels like another time. The time before knowing something was different. Before knowing autism.

Back then there was so much hope. So many possibilities.

Life seemed so much more certain and typical. I feel like that now our whole world has shrunk in so many ways. Less people, less space, less certainty.

These pictures remind me of a simpler time, before I realized that those fussy nights would continue so much longer than they told us. Before he went from responding to his name some of the time to never responding. That the couple of words he had would come and go. Our world would become a constant back and forth of progression and regression. Back then I had no clue I’d be filling out hundreds of professional forms that refer to my child’s behavior as “odd” and “strange.”

I had no expectation of myself crying on the way home from soccer practice, nursery, and family events because my child would not participate. Sometimes he would scream and cry or hide in a corner the entire time.

I didn’t know the plans we had to do every sport and activity would turn into therapies and explanations. Explanations of him, us, autism. 

Although, now that we are slowly turning the corner of acceptance I see more.

I can see that before I did not know how much I would learn. How it would make us better parents and people. I would have never known how different I would become. My patience, love, and acceptance of others has grown tenfold. All thanks to Johnny.

I did not know that our wins in life would mean little to others but the world to us. The first time Johnny said “Hi mom” so casually at four, I cried. The first time he jumped with joy about something, my heart burst. The day he finally got potty trained I felt the most relief I probably ever will. His smile could change the world. 

Before autism, I did know how much larger my heart would become and how full it could be. 

Most days are hard. There are meltdowns, frustrations, isolation, worry, and confusion. Then there are moments of amazing. The moments that keep us going. The little wins carry us through the weeks and months. Before autism, I did not know that was possible.

This post originally appeared on Johnnysspirit.com.

Jaime Ramos, is a mom from Colorado. She's married to Isaac and has two kids, Amelie and Jesse. Jesse, her Johnny, is on the Autism Spectrum. She went to school to be a filmmaker, but now spends her days mainly as a stay at home mom.

 

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