These funny jokes will have them belly-laughing for days

Need a good joke when you’re in a pinch? We’ve got you covered with a joke of the day for almost a whole year, and most of them are original! These hilarious jokes for kids require little to no explanation from parents, but you’ll want to get in on the fun, anyway. From cheesy jokes to knock-knock jokes and beyond, many of these have been sent to us by kids themselves. We’ve also got squeaky-clean jokes, spring jokes, and printable lunchbox jokes. And for those looking to take the fun to the next level, we’ve got the best minute to win it games, too.

Why should you share jokes with your kids?

Because it allows kids to learn to laugh at themselves and not take themselves too seriously. It’s an easy way to have quality time that doesn’t include a screen. So go ahead, scroll through our favorite jokes for kids, and spend 15 minutes having a good chuckle with your kiddos.

1. What do you call an ant who fights crime? 
A vigilante! 

—Joe L., age 10 

2. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Olive.
Olive who?
Olive YOU!

3. Why did the teddy bear say no to dessert?
Because she was stuffed.

4. What do you call a little legume?
A Tinybean.

5. What did the left eye say to the right eye?
Between us, something smells!

6. Why did the police play baseball?
He wanted to get a catch!

—Yuna, age 8

7. What did the microwave say to the other microwave?
Is it just me? Or is it really hot in here?

—Yuna, age 8

8. Why did the student eat his homework?
Because the teacher told him it was a piece of cake!

9. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Interrupting pirate.
Interrupting pir—yarrrrrr!

10. What is brown, hairy, and wears sunglasses?
A cool coconut.

11. Two pickles fell out of a jar onto the floor. What did one say to the other?
Dill with it.

12. What do you call a fake noodle?
An impasta!

13. Why did the kid cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.

14. Knock knock.
Who’s there?
Icy.
Icy who?
Icy you trying not to laugh at my knock-knock joke!

15. What kind of lion doesn't roar?
A dandelion.

16. How do you stop an astronaut’s baby from crying?
You rocket!

17. Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7, 8, 9

18. What does a cloud wear under a raincoat?
Thunderwear.

19. When does a joke become a “dad” joke?
When the punchline is a parent.

20. What do you call a dinosaur fart?
A blast from the past.

Related: 100+ of The Best Clean Jokes For Kids

21. What did the limestone say to the geologist?
Don’t take me for granite!

22. What do you call a duck that gets all A’s?
A wise quacker.

23. Why does a seagull fly over the sea?
Because if it flew over the bay, it would be a baygull.

24. Which is faster? Hot or cold?
Hot. You can easily catch a cold. 

25. What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!

26. Why can't you trust an atom?
They make up everything.

27. Why was the baby strawberry crying?
Because her parents were in a jam.

28. What did the little corn say to the mama corn?
Where is pop corn?

29. What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis!

30. How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?
About a buck an ear.

31. Where would you find an elephant?
The same place you lost her!

32. How do you talk to a giant?
Use big words!

33. What animal is always at a baseball game?
A bat.

34. What falls in winter but never gets hurt?
Snow!

35. What do you call a ghost’s true love?
His ghoul-friend.

36. What building in New York has the most stories?
The public library!

37. What did one volcano say to the other?
I lava you!

38. How do we know that the ocean is friendly?
It waves!

39. What is a tornado’s favorite game to play?
Twister!

40. How do baby cats learn how to swim?
The kitty pool.

41. How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Act like a nut!

42. What do you call two birds in love?
Tweethearts!

43. How does a scientist freshen her breath?
With experi-mints!

44. How are false teeth like stars?
They come out at night!

45. How can you tell a vampire has a cold?
She starts coffin.

46. What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm.

47. What is a computer's favorite snack?
Computer chips!!
—reader Rebecca K.

48. Why don’t elephants chew gum?
They do, just not in public.

49. What was the first animal in space?
The cow that jumped over the moon

50. What did the banana say to the dog?
Nothing. Bananas can’t talk.

51. What time is it when the clock strikes 13?
Time to get a new clock.

52. How does a cucumber become a pickle?
It goes through a jarring experience.

53. Which city does Paw Patrol like the most? 
New Yorkie.

54. What do you think of that new diner on the moon?
Food was good, but there really wasn’t much atmosphere.

55. Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because the chicken wasn’t born yet.

56. Why can’t Elsa have a balloon?
Because she will let it go.

57. How do you make an octopus laugh?
With ten-tickles!

58. How do you make a tissue dance?
You put a little boogie in it.

59. What's green and can fly?
Super Pickle!

60. When you look for something, why is it always in the last place you look?
Because when you find it, you stop looking.

little girl and boy sharing a joke
Saeed Karimi via Unsplash

61. Why do shrimp never share?
They're so shellfish.

62. What musical instrument is found in the bathroom?
A tuba toothpaste.

63. Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?
Because she wanted to go to high school.

64. Where do vampires keep their money?
A blood bank.

65. What do elves learn in school?
The elf-abet.

66. What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.

67. Where do pencils go on vacation?
Pencil-vania.

68. Why couldn't the pony sing a lullaby?
She was a little horse.

69. What do you cakes and baseball have in common?
They both need a batter! 

70. What gets wetter the more it dries?
A towel.

71. What do you call two bananas?
Slippers.

And speaking of bananas...

72. Why did the banana go to the doctor?
Because it wasn’t peeling well.

73. Why was the mushroom the life of the party?
It was a fungi.

74. What stays in the corner yet can travel all over the world?  
A stamp.

75. How do you fix a cracked pumpkin?
With a pumpkin patch.

76. What kind of award did the dentist receive?
A little plaque.

77. What do you call a funny mountain?
Hill-arious.

78. What should you drink while singing nursery rhymes?
Hot Cocomelon.

79. Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use a honeycomb.

Related: 30 Wacky Winter Jokes for Kids

80. What did the big flower say to the little flower?
Hi, bud!

81. There are two robots sitting on a wall. They are named Pete and Re-Pete. Pete falls off. Who is left?
(Re-Pete...so you repeat the whole thing again and again and again.)

—Henrik P., 10 

82. What is a pony’s favorite juice?
She really likes lemon-neigh’d.

—5-year-old Kerrigan

83. Where do fish keep their money?
In the River-Bank!

—Jaxon G., 7 y.o.

84. What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator!

—Milo H-R, age 8

85. Why was the computer cold?
It left its window open!

—Milo H-R, age 8

86. Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Boo.
Boo who?
Don’t cry!

—Milo H-R, age 8

87. In baseball, would it take longer to run from 1st to 2nd base or 2nd to 3rd base?
2nd to 3rd base because there’s a shortstop in between.

—Milo H-R, age 8

88. What has lots of leaves but never actually grew?
A book!

—Milo H-R, age 8

89. Why was the computer cold?
It had a virus. 

—Henrik, age 10 

90. Why did the invisible man turn down the job offer?
Because he couldn’t see himself doing it.

—Jan L. 

91. Who keeps the ocean clean?
The mer-maid.

—Jan L. 

92. What did the astronaut say when he crashed into the moon?
"I Apollo-gize."

93. Why didn’t the orange win the race?
It ran out of juice.

94. What dinosaur had the best vocabulary?  
The thesaurus.

95. What did one DNA strand say to the other DNA strand?
Do these genes make my butt look big?

96. Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
They have two left feet.

97. What did the wolf say when it stubbed its toe?
Owwwww-ch! (by Henrik, age 5)

98. Kid: What are you doing under there?
Mom: Under where?
Kid: Ha ha! You said underwear!!

99. Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window?
Because he wanted to see time fly.

100. What did one toilet say to the other?
You look flushed.

101. Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
He wanted cold hard cash!

102. Why couldn’t the astronaut book a hotel on the moon?
Because it was full.

103. How do pickles enjoy a day out?
They relish it.

104. What do you call an old snowman?
Water.

105. What’s a pirate’s favorite letter?
Arrrrrrrrrr

106. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish?
Swimming trunks.

107. How do you throw a party in space?
You planet.

108. What do you call an attractive fruit?
A fine apple!

109. What happened when the skunk was on trial?
The judge declared, “Odor in the court, odor in the court!”

110. What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!

111. Why did the tomato blush?
It saw the salad dressing.

112. What do you call a fish without an eye?
A fsh.

113. What’s the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.

114. What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?
A walkie talkie.

115. Why are robots never afraid?
They have nerves of steel.

116. Why did the cabbage win the race?
Because it was a-head.

117. What does an evil hen lay?
Deviled eggs.

118. What does a book do in the winter?
Puts on a jacket.

119. Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Needle.
Needle who?
Needle little help right now.

Related: 30+ Math Jokes for Kids That Add Up to Laughs

120. What sound do you hear when a cow breaks the sound barrier?
Cowboom!

121. What kind of haircuts to bees get?
Buzzzzzcuts.

122. Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Donut.
Donut who?
Donut ask me, I just got here.

124. What do you get if you cross a pie and a snake?
A pie-thon.

125. What do you do if you get peanut butter on your doorknob?
Use a door jam.

126. Why was 6 so mad at 7?
Because 7 8 9.

127. Why didn’t the robot finish his breakfast?
Because the orange juice told him to concentrate.

128. Why can’t you play hockey with pigs?
They always hog the puck.

129. Why do porcupines always win the game?
They have the most points.

130. Where do elephants pack their clothes?
In their trunks!

131. What does bread do on vacation?
Loaf around.

132. Why was the broom running late?
It over-swept.

133. What part of the fish weighs the most?
The scales.

134. What do ghosts like to eat in the summer?
I Scream.

135. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school?
Because her students were so bright.

136. What do you call a deer with pink eye?
A colorful eye-deer. (credit to Capt. John of the Appledore!)

137, Where do sheep go on vacation?
The Baaa-hamas.

138. What does every birthday end with?
The letter Y.

139. What did the paper say to the pencil?
Write on!

140. Why do birds fly?
It’s faster than walking.

141. Why did Superman flush the toilet?
Because it was his doody.

142. Why did the pillow cross the road?
It was picking up the chicken’s feathers.

143. Can February March?
No, but April May.

144. What time do ducks wake up?
At the quack of dawn.

145. Why did the giraffes get bad grades?
She had her head in the clouds.

146. What did the flower say after it told a joke?
I was just pollen your leg.

147. What did the traffic light say to the truck?
Don’t look, I’m changing.

148. What do kids play when they don’t have a phone?
Bored games.

149. Why didn’t the koala bear get the job?
They said she was over-koala-fied.

150. Who was that owl who did all the tricks?
Who-dini.

151. What kind of vegetable is angry?
A steamed carrot!

three girls laughing at jokes for kids
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152. How does the moon stay up in the sky?
Moonbeams! 

153. Why isn't there a clock in the library?
Because it tocks too much. 

154. Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
Because they're so good at it! 

155. What day of the week are most twins born on?
Twos-day! 

(submitted by reader Scooter T.!) 

156. Would February March?
No, but April May. 

157. What do you call bears with no ears?
B. 

158. What kind of tree fits in your hand?
A palm tree!

168. What do you call a fly with no wings?
A walk. 

—Jasper L., young reader submitted!

169. What’s yellow and looks like pineapple?
A lemon with a new haircut. 

—submitted (and created) by Rafael L. 

Related: 41 Giggle-Inducing Jokes for Toddlers

170. What do you call a deer with no eyes?
"No eye-deer." 

—also sent in by young Raffy 

171. What did the lunchbox say to the banana?
You really have appeal. 

172. What did the mouse say to the keyboard?

You're my type! 

173. What did the science book say to the math book?
Wow, you've got problems. 

174. How do squids get to school?

They take an octobus. 

175. Where do mermaids look for jobs?
The kelp-wanted section. 

176. What word starts with the letter t, ends with the letter t, and has t in it?
A teapot!

—young reader Collin S.

177. What has four wheels and flies?
A garbage truck!

—Lewis G.

178.  Two goats were munching on a movie script. 
Goat 1: This is good!
Goat 2: The book was better.

—reader submitted by Mr. Jeffry

179. What do you call a monkey at the North Pole?
Lost.

—submitted by Stella D.

180. Why did Humpty Dumpty have a great fall?
To make up for his miserable summer.

—reader submitted by Kaci Y.  

181. Why did the woman become an archeologist?
Because her career was in ruins.

182. Knock knock! 
Who's there?
Manatee. 
Manatee who?
Manatee would be better than a sweater today, it's hot! 

183. What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?
Primemates!

—Merci P., aged 10

184. What snack should you make for the Snowman Holiday Party?
Ice Krispy Treats

—Emmerson H., age 13

185. What do you call a nun who sleepwalks?
A roamin' Catholic. 

—Janice B., a reader like you! 

186. Why do birds fly south?
It's too far to walk.

—Pearl, age 10

187. What did the traffic light say to the cars?
Don't look, I'm changing!

—reader, age 6 

188. Why is there a gate around cemeteries?
Because people are dying to get in!

189. What is a scarecrow's favorite fruit?
A strawberry. 

190. How does a hurricane see?
With one eye. 

191. How do they answer the phone at the paint store?
Yellow!

—Lily, age 6

192. Why do scissors always win a race?
Because they take a shortcut!

—Foster, age 5 

193. How do you stop a bull from charging? 
You unplug it! 

—Jadyn, Age 12 

194. What did the dad say to his daughter at the cook out? 
This grill is on fire! 
 

—Jadyn, 12 (This kid is on fire! 🤣) 

195. Why did the king go to the bathroom?
He wanted to sit on the throne.

—Eric, age 10

196. What is a pirate's favorite body part?
The booty!

—C.J., age 9

197. If it takes two men to dig a hole in one day how long would it take for one man to dig a half a hole?           
There is no such thing as a half a hole.

—Eric, age 10

198. How do cats bake cake?
From scratch. 

—reader Jacey

199. What is a zombie's favorite thing to eat?
Brain food. 

200. How do you fix a broken tomato?
With a can of tomato paste. 

201. What do you call a rabbit with lice?
Bugs Bunny. 

a family laughing at jokes for kids
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202. It took 10 workers 10 days to build a bridge.  How long would it take 5 workers to build the same bridge?
None—it’s already built!

—Liam, age 7 

203. How do you make the word Tiger longer?
Ti-grrrh

—Kabir, Age 9

204. How do you clean chicken?  -
Put it in dishwasher.

—Kabir, Age 9

205. What do frogs order at McDonalds?
French flies and a Croak-a-Cola.

206. There's a girl on a boat in a pretty pink coat. What's her name?
What. 

—Ray, age 9

207. Where does a rat go when it has a toothache?
To the rodentist. 

—Ray, age 9!

208. What does an alien do when it is bored in school?
Spaces out. 

—Ray! (they are on a roll!), age 9

209. What does a broken plate say when she gets her cupcake?
Is this GLUE-ten free?

—Guess who? Ray! age 9 

210. Why didn't the hyena cross the road?
He was too busy laughing. 

—reader submitted by Gillian P. 

211. Have you heard the one about the student who was afraid of negative numbers?
He'll stop at nothing to avoid them.

212. What do you call it when a hammock teases another hammock?
Hammockery!

—Joe L., age 8 

213. What did they say when Marie Curie and Albert Einstein said the same thing at the same time?
Greatest minds think alike! 

—Henrik, age 9

214. What did the kid learn about knowledge?
It was all knowing.

—Reader submitted by Deziree

215. Why did the chicken go the hospital?
Because it needed some tweatment!

—Joshua Y., age 9 
 
 
216. Why did the skeletons cross the road?

To get to the body shop!

—Also Mr. Joshua Y., age 9

217. What is more impressive than a talking parrot?
A spelling bee.

—submitted by...drumroll...Joshua Y., age 9!! 

218. What do you call babies in the army?
Infantry! 

—Joe L., age 9

219. What is a cat's favorite color?
Purrr-ple! 

—Olivia W., age 7 

220. Why did the dragon cross the road?
Because he was too chicken to fly!       

—Joshua Y. 

221. Who won the race of princesses?
Rapunzel, By a hair!

—Josh Y! 

222. What did the egg say when it was late for breakfast?
I have to scramble!

—our buddy, Joshua Y. 

223. How do you stop a bull from charging?
You take away it's credit card!

—Joshua Y. 

224. Where does the T-rex go shopping?
The dino store!

—Joshua Y., age 9 

225. Why was the rabbit happy?
Because somebunny loved him!

—Guess who? Joshua Y.! 

226. What did the pear say to the shoeless?
You need a pair of shoes. 

—reader submitted by Rose A. 

227. What do you call a bear with no ear?
A "B"

—Alexis R. 

228. What would happen if the dean lost his job?
He would lose his "ideanity." 

—Joshua Y. 

229. Why did the baby cross the road? 

To get to the whine shop!

—Matilda C., age 7

230. Why shouldn’t you trust stairs?
Because they are always up to something.

—Ryder, Age 3!!! 

Related: 20 Cheesy Jokes To Make Anyone Crack a Smile

231. Why did the scarecrow win an award?
Because he was out standing in his field.

—Suzanna R. 

232. What do you call a cat burrito?
A purrito

—Rosewyn age 8 and 3 quarters 

233. What kind of key opens a banana?
A monkey!

—Rosewyn age 8 and 3 quarters 

234. What do you call a pounding headache? 
A temple tantrum!

—hilarious reader, MJ Sims

235. How do you get a cat to code?

You Scratch it!

—Musegirl, 8

236. Why was the man mad at the clock?

He was ticked off!

—Nolan A. age 8

237. What is the strongest kind of shoe?

Under Armor!

—Liam A. age 9

238. Why did Rudolph have a bad report card?

Because he went down in History!

—Sreeja K., age 8 

239. Why don't scientists trust atoms?
Because they make up everything!

—Sreeja K., age 8 

240. Why can't you spell dark with a "c", so it says "darc"?
Because you can't c in dark!

—Shivani age 8

241. How do you clean a chicken?
An egg wash!

—MB, age 12 

242. Why did the cookie have to go to the doctor?
It was feeling crummy. 

243. What's Joanna Gaines' favorite snack food?
Chips

—H.P., aged 9

244. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
Because there was noBody on the other side. 

—Grandpa Jo, 54

245. Why didn’t the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts. 

—Londynn, 9

246. What do you do when an astronaut’s wife is upset?
Give her some space.

—Jaden, 11

247. Why did the young astronaut cry on the moon?
Because he missed his mother earth. 

—A mother on earth

248. Two monkeys were fighting over a banana. What happened?
Banana split! 

—Saori K. 

249. What is a vampire's favorite fruit?
A blood orange!

—Rianna G., age 10

250. Why don't eggs like to gamble?
They always get a raw deal. 

251. When is a door not a door?
When it's ajar. 

252. Why did the scientist take out the bell?
He wanted to win the no-bell prize. 

—DT 

253. Why are strawberries natural musicians?
They love to jam. 

254. What is orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot! 

Related: 40+ Hilarious Knock Knock Jokes for Kids

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255. Did you hear about the kid who drank eight sodas?
He burped 7-Up. 

256. What be the pirate's favorite letter of the alphabet?
Arrrr! 
No, it be the C! (Sea).

—A hilarious 6-year-old reader. 

257. What is a tree's favorite beverage?
Root beer! 

258. Why do fish live in saltwater?
Pepper makes them sneeze! ACHOOOOOO!!!!!!

—Hasset A. 

259. Why are fish so smart?
Because they live in a school!

—Ronit P. 

The following four jokes were written by Kaleb, age 4, as told to his grandpa:

260. Why did the cow lie down in the grass? 
He was ground beef.

261. What did Mama cow say to Baby cow? 
It’s pasture bedtime.

262. Why did the phone walk in the water? 
He was wading for a phone call.

263. What is blue, but not heavy?
Light blue.

264. How do you find Will Smith in the snow?
You look for fresh prints. 

—Joshua N. 

265. Why don't you ever date a tennis player?
Because love means nothing to them.

—Joshua N. 

266. "Doctor, doctor I am afraid of squirrels!"
Doctor: You must be nuts.

—reader Jerry C. 

267. What happened to the frog whose car broke down?
He had to be toad! 

—Martin F. 

268. What is the best day to visit McDonalds?
Fry-Day!

—Gianni, age 6

269. What's a cow's favorite drink?
A s-moooo-thie.

—Young readers Jax (7) and Kora (5)

270. Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Cow
Cow who? 
Cows don’t say who, they say moooo!

—Adalyn, age 5

271. Why did the tomato stop?
Because he was out of juice. 

—Karma E. 

Related: 51 Totally Goofy Birthday Jokes for Kids

272. What are cats best at?
Cat-apulting!

—Macy (10)

273. Where do cats roam?
In the catacombs!

—Katie (34)

274. What kind of stick does a cat chase?
A cat-stick!

—Macy (10)

275. What kind of fruit does a dog eat?
A dog-berry!

—Macy (10) & Katie (34)

276. Why do hockey players make great bankers?
Because they are good at checking.

—Henrik, age 9 3/4

277. How do chickens dance?
Chick to chick.

278. Mr. Red and Ms. Red live in the red house; Mr. Purple and Ms. Purple live in the purple house. Who lives in the white house?
The president!

—submitted by young reader Gwen I.

279. Why did the chicken cross the road?
It was trying to get away from the KFC.

—Ben, age 8

280. Who sits at the bottom of the sea and twitches?
A nervous wreck.

—Alesha, age 11

281. Why was the snowman in the box?
Because he was picking his nose.

—Peter, age 8

 

happy kids laughing
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These next five were sent in from Jax (7) and Kora (5):

282. What’s a dog's favorite toy?
A funny bone!

283. What’s a cow's favorite rock?
A mooo-n rock

284. What’s the scariest plant?
Bam-booo!

285. What’s a cow's favorite place to go?
The mooo-vies!

286. What’s the scariest injury?
A booo-booo!

(Jax & Kora!) 

287. Why was the snow yellow?
Because Elsa let it go! 

—Kaylee

289. Why did the girl smear peanut butter on the road?
To go with the traffic jam!

—Scarlett 

290. What do you call a dinosaur that is sleeping?
A dino-snore!

291. What do you get when you cross a vampire and a snowman?
Frost bite!

292. What did one plate say to the other plate?
Dinner is on me!

293. What do you call Chewbacca with cookies in its fur?
A chocolate-chip Wookie. 

—Jake

294. What is black and white and looks like a penguin?
A penguin. 

—Zhan, age 5 

295. What does a cow like to drink?
A smoothie. 

—Carolina, age 8

296. Why did the parent hit the cake with a hammer?
It was a pound cake. 

little girl and her mom laughing at jokes
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297.  When is the best time to go to the dentist?
At tooth-hurty!!!

—Tyler R.

298. Why is "dark" spelled with a k and not a c? 
Because you can’t c in the dark!

—Garrett

299. A new pig came to the farm, he was a great painter. What do you think his name was?
Pigasso!

—Amara

A spin-off:

300. What is the name of the Dutch pig who was famous for painting sunflowers and cutting off his ear?
Vincent van Hog

—Gloria, age 8

301. What is a bat’s favorite game to play?
A com-bat

—Bianca, age 7

302. What did the salad say to the carrot after it lost the fight?
You've lettuce down.

—Joe, age 10

303. What did the salad say to the carrot when it asked for directions to a restaurant?
Beets me!

—Joe, age 10

304. Why don't eggs tell each other jokes?
They'd crack each other up!

—Raina, age 10

305. Which milkshake always comes with a straw?
A strawberry milkshake

—Gloria, age 8

306. What stories do crustaceans like best?
Lobster Tales

—Gloria, age 8

307. What did the basketball say to the hoop when it missed?
Oh shoot!

—Layla, age 9

308. Why did the lion cross the road?
To get to the other pride!

309. What is the best gift you could ever ask for?
Broken drum sticks. You just can't beat it. 

—Nate

310. Why did the nurse have a red crayon?
To draw blood.

—Charlotte

311. What mood best describes a sad librarian?
Under the books.

—Elliana

Related: You’ll Be Taco-ing about These Jokes All Day

312. What do you call a Buffalo that likes beef?
A Beef-alo

313. What does a camel say to a hunter?
Do you need some camel-flage

314. Why does the dinosaur like the bathroom?
Because it’s ex-stink-t

315. Why does the dentist use a computer?
Because it has Bluetooth.

—Jokes 312-315 by Gunner, age 8

316. What’s grey?
A melted penguin.

317. What goes black, white, black, white, black white?
A penguin rolling down a hill.
318. Can a match box?
No, but a tin can!
319. Why was the baby in Egypt?
It was looking for its mummy.
320. Why did the chewing gum cross the road?
It was stuck on the chicken’s foot.
321. What does a cow eat for breakfast?
Mooo-esli.
322. Doctor, doctor, I feel like a dog.
Then go and see a vet!

323. What do girl snakes write at the bottom of their letters?
With love and hisses.

324. Why did the bacteria cross the microscope?
To get to the other slide.
—Jokes 316-324 by Elijah, age 11
325. Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Lettuce.
Lettuce who?
Let us in, it’s cold out here!

326. What do you get when you cross a bridge with a car?
To the other side of the river.

327. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a cake?
Crumbs.

328. Doctor, doctor, I keep thinking I’m a dog.
Then sit on the couch and we’ll talk about it,
But I’m not allowed on the furniture!

329. Doctor, doctor I feel like a sheep.
That’s baa-aaa-aad.

330. What do you call a bee that buzzes quietly?
A mumble bee.

—Jokes 325-330 by Malachi, age 7 and a half

331. Where do you find a polar bear? 
The same place you left her.

—Thomas, age 7

332. What is fast, loud, and crunchy?
A rocket chip!

333. How does a vampire start a letter?
Tomb it may concern…

334. What has ears but cannot hear?
A field of corn…

335. Did you hear the one about the claustrophobic astronaut?

He just needed a little space.

Make sure to capture all the giggles—and share them with your family and friends near and far—with the Tinybeans app. The secure platform puts parents in total control of who sees and interacts with photos and videos of their kids.

March is about wearing o’ the green, eating Irish soda bread, and making leprechaun traps. Add fun to your days with these leprechaun jokes and St. Patrick’s Day jokes for kids. Your little one will be laughing ’til they turn green! If you’re in the mood for more giggles, check out our spring jokes for kids and funny dad jokes!

St. Patrick’s Day Jokes for Kids

1. What do you call an Irish spider?
Paddy Long Legs

2. Why shouldn’t you iron a shamrock? 
You don’t want to press your luck!

3. What kind of bow can’t be tied? 
A rainbow

4. What happens when shamrocks grow in poison ivy? 
You get a rash of good luck.

5. How can you spot a jealous shamrock? 
It’s green with envy.

6. What is the favorite music of the Irish? 
Sham-rock n’ roll

7. How did the Irish potato become bilingual? 
It became a French fry.

8. What do you call an Irish jig at McDonald’s?
A Shamrock Shake

9. Knock knock
Who’s there?
Irish
Irish who?
Irish you a happy St. Patrick’s Day! 

10. Why did St. Patrick drive all the snakes out of Ireland?
He could not afford the airfare.

11. What do you call a bad Irish dance?
A jig mistake.

12. What kind of spells do Irish wizards cast? 

Lucky charms.

13. Where can you always find gold?

The dictionary.

14. What do you call a fake Irish stone?

A Sham-rock.

15. What is an Irish baby’s favorite song? 

Patty cake.

Leprechaun Jokes for Kids

16. Why are leprechauns good at gardening? 
They have green thumbs.

17. What is a leprechaun’s favorite cereal?
Lucky Charms

18. Why can’t you borrow money from a leprechaun? 
Because they’re always a little short.

19. What kind of baseball do leprechauns play?
Little League

20. Why do leprechauns hate running? 
They’d rather jig than jog.

21. How did the leprechaun get to space? 
In a sham-rocket

21. How can you tell if a leprechaun likes your joke?
He’s Dublin over with laughter.

23. How can you spot a jealous leprechaun?
He’s green with envy.

24. What position does the leprechaun play in baseball? 
Shortstop

25. What did the leprechauns talk about on their first date?
It was just a lot of small talk

26. Which superhero is the leprechauns’ favorite? 
Green Lantern

27. What is a leprechaun’s second favorite holiday?
Earth Day because they love to go green

28. Where do leprechauns like to relax

In sham-rocking chairs.

29. What did the baby leprechaun find at the end of the rainbow?

A potty gold.

Related: Everything You Need to Trap a Leprechaun This St. Patrick’s Day

These hilarious Christmas jokes will keep the whole family laughing for hours

The weather outside may be frightful but there’s nothing like some rolling laughter and hilarious Christmas jokes to warm you right up (except, maybe cocoa). If you’re looking for the funniest Christmas jokes for kids, you’ve come to the right place. We’ve got Santa jokes, elf jokes, snowman jokes, and when you’re done, be sure to get them giggling with our ultimate list of jokes for kids, funny dad jokes, and birthday jokes.

Holiday and Christmas Jokes

1. What should you give your parents at Christmas?

A list of what you want.

2. What did the gingerbread man put under his blankets?

A cookie sheet.

3. Who delivers Christmas presents to elephants?

Elephanta Claus.

4. How does Rudolph know when Christmas is coming?

He refers to his calen-deer.

5. What happens if you eat Christmas decorations?

You get tinselitus

6. Why was the little boy so cold on Christmas morning?

Because it was Decembrrrrr!

7. What do you get when you cross an iPhone with a Christmas tree?

A pine-apple!

8. What comes at the end of Christmas Day?

The letter “Y!”

9. Why do mummies like Christmas so much?

Because of all the wrapping!

10. Why wouldn’t the Christmas tree stand up?

It had no legs.

11. Why didn’t Rudolph get a good report card?

Because he went down in history.

12. Knock knock
Who's there?
Donut.
Donut, who?
Donut open the presents until Christmas! 

13. What is every parent’s favorite Christmas carol?

Silent Night.

14. What's the difference between the Christmas alphabet and the regular alphabet?

The Christmas alphabet has Noel.

15. How do chickens dance at a holiday party?

Chick to chick.

16. What's a Christmas tree's favorite candy?

Orna-mints.

17. Which reindeer always gets sent to the principal's office? 

Rude-olf.

18. Where do reindeer go for coffee? 

Star-bucks.

19. Why did the little boy bring his Christmas tree to the hair salon?

It needs a little trim.

20. Why didn't the tree get a present?

He was knotty.

21. What do grouchy sheep say during the holidays?

Baaaaaa humbug!

22. What is a cow’s favorite holiday?

Moo-years Day.

23. How do sheep wish each other happy holidays?

Merry Christmas to ewe.

Related: 23 Festive Holiday Games You Need to Play with the Kids

Elf Jokes

little boy laughing at Christmas jokes, elf jokes, and santa jokes
iStock

24. What happened to the thief who stole a Christmas calendar?

He got 12 months.

25. What does an elf study in school?

The elfabet.

26. What do you call a greedy elf?

Elfish!

27. What is an elf’s favorite sport?

North-pole vaulting.

28. What kind of music do elves like?

"Wrap" music.

29. What does an elf work on after school?

His gnomework.

30. What kind of car do elves drive in the off-season?

A minivan.

 

Related: 12 Cool Amazon Alexa Christmas Games & Skills for Kids

Santa Jokes

iStock

31. What do you call Santa when he stops moving?

Santa Pause

32. What does Mrs. Claus say to Santa when there are clouds in the sky?

It looks like rain, deer.

33. What does Santa suffer from whenever he gets stuck in a chimney?

Santa Claustrophobia

34. What's another name for Santa's Little Helpers?

Subordinate clauses.

35. What do you get when Santa plays detective?

Santa clues!

36. How much did Santa's sleigh cost?

Nothing! It was on the house.

37. What does Santa use to keep his house sparkling clean?

Comet.

38. What's Santa's favorite candy? 

Jolly Ranchers

 

Related: 11 Christmas Minute to Win It Games the Kids Will Love

Snow and Snowman Jokes

family making a snowman and laughing at Christmas jokes and snowman jokes
iStock

39. Where does a snowperson keep their money?

In a snow bank.

40. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?

Snowflakes. (or Frosted Flakes!)

41. What do snowmen take when the sun gets too hot?

A chill pill.

42. What did one snowman say to another snowman?

You’re cool.

43. What kind of ball doesn’t bounce?

A snowball.

44. What do you get if you mix a vampire with a snowperson?

Frostbite!

45. What do you call a snowman with a six-pack?

The abdominal snowman.

46. What falls but never gets hurt?

Snow.

47. What snack should you make for the Snowperson Holiday Party?

Ice Krispy Treats

—Emmerson H., 13

48. What do you call a snowperson in July?

A puddle.

49. What did one snowman say to the other?

Do you smell carrots?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The lunch hour can’t come soon enough

The school year will be starting soon! While you’re busy thinking about school lunch ideas for kids, don’t forget that there’s nothing that puts a smile on a kid’s face like a surprise note or joke tucked into their lunch box. We gathered up a few of our favorites and made printable lunchbox jokes. Click here or on the image below to print them up—we hope they brighten your student’s day!

printable lunchbox jokes

Don’t stop with printable lunchbox jokes for kids. Check out our collection of jokes for kids below.

Not ready for fall?

Stay with the season with our funny summer jokes

Are you hoping to get the kids excited to head back to the classroom?

Be sure to check out our school jokes right here

Want to pull some up while waiting at the doctor’s office?

Try our ultimate list of jokes for kids

Looking for jokes for their special day?

Check out our list of birthday jokes for kids

How about jokes that are so bad they’re good?

This list of cheesy jokes will make anyone smile

What about jokes that don’t include any cringe-y content?

You’ll love this list of clean jokes for kids

What about little kids?

Yup, we’ve got jokes for toddlers too.

Believe it or not, we even have jokes about clothes.

They’ll totally giggle over these underwear jokes (that are mostly clean)

Looking to really challenge the kids?

This list of riddles for kids will do the trick

You can get a head start on your holiday season, too.

Check out these spook-tacular Halloween jokes for kids

Enjoy these funny Christmas jokes

Let your heart swell by reading 20 Valentine’s Day jokes for kids

Laugh out loud over our very funny dad jokes and puns.

We sure know how to pick ’em with this list of pickle jokes!

Everyone’s favorite hands-on food gets to shine with these National Taco Day jokes

 

 

These back-to-school school jokes are clean enough for the classroom

Back-to-school season means saying goodbye to summer and getting ready for the next adventure, which typically includes a lot of gear like cool kids’ backpacks and new playground-ready shoes. But don’t forget to pack some funny school jokes in your kids’ back pockets, too! Our collection is filled with hilarious but cute kids’ jokes about school that will bring on belly laughs. Looking for even more giggles? Check out these extra squeaky clean jokes, printable lunchbox jokes, and math jokes. Get ready to LOL.

School Jokes about School Supplies

1. What does your computer do for lunch?

Has a byte!

2. Why do math books always look so sad?

They are full of problems.

3. Where do pencils go on vacation?

Pencil-vania.

4. What does a book do in the winter?

Puts on a jacket.

5. What did the paper say to the pencil?

Write on!

6. What did one pencil say to the other on the first day of school?

Looking sharp!

7. Knock, knock!

Who’s there?

Pencil. 

Pencil who?

Never mind, this is pointless. 

8. Why do calculators make great friends?

You can always count on them!

9. Where did the pencil go for vacation?

To Pennsylvania.

10. What dinosaur had the best vocabulary?  

The thesaurus.

11. Who is the leader of the school supplies? 

The ruler.

12. Did you know all books in the school library are the same color?

They’re all red.

Related: 30+ Math Jokes for Kids That Add Up to Laughs

School Jokes about Teachers

teacher and students laughing at school jokes on the playground
iStock

 

13. What did the student say to the teacher after they missed the first day of school? 

No, ma’am. I didn’t miss it at all.

14. Why did the kid eat their homework?

Because their teacher said it was a piece of cake.

15. Why did the teacher wear sunglasses to school?

Because their students were so bright.

16. Where do math teachers like to go on vacation?

Times Square!

17. Why did the teacher jump into the pool?

They wanted to test the water.

18. What would happen if the dean lost their job?

They would lose his “ideanity.”

—Joshua Y.

19. What are 10 things a teacher can always count on? 

Their fingers.

20. What does an English teacher like to eat for breakfast? 

Synonym rolls.

Related: 12 Printable Lunchbox Jokes to Brighten Your Student’s Day

Kids’ Jokes about School

little boy laughing at school jokes for kids
iStock

 

21. Why isn’t there a clock in the library?

Because it tocks too much.

22. What did the buffalo say at drop off?

Bison.

23. How does a scientist freshen their breath?

With experi-mints!

24. Why did the kid bring a ladder to school?

Because they wanted to go to high school.

25. What do elves learn in school?

The elf-abet.

26. What should you grow in a school garden?

Human beans!

27. Why do magicians always do so well at school?

They can handle trick questions.

28. Where do surfers go to school?

Boarding school.

29. What is the smartest insect?

A spelling bee.

30. Why can’t pirates learn the alphabet?

Because they keep getting lost at C.

31. Why did the girl do her homework on an airplane?

To achieve a higher education.

32. Why didn’t the fish go on vacation?

Because they were always in school.

33. Why did the kid cross the playground?

To get to the other slide.

34. What did the spider make online?

A website!

35. What is worse than finding a worm in your apple?

Finding half a worm.

36. What school requires you to drop out in order to graduate?

Sky diving school.

37. What contest do skunks win at school?

The smelling bee!

38. Why is 2+2=5 like your left foot?

It’s not right.

39. What does a snake learn in school?

Hisssss-tory.

Related: 40+ Hilarious Knock Knock Jokes for Kids

There can never be too many corny jokes on hand

While we don’t recommend quitting your day job and taking these corny jokes on the road (do people still throw rotten tomatoes?), we do promise that if delivered with enough enthusiasm—or by an undeniably cute kid—these cheesy jokes will get some chuckles. And, when you’re done with these, be sure to share our favorite knock-knock jokes, summer jokes, funny dad jokes, and our ultimate list of jokes for kids that are always good for a laugh.

Q: Why did the cookie go to the hospital?
A: Because he felt crummy.

Q: Why did Johnny throw the clock out of the window?
A: Because he wanted to see time fly!

Q: Why was the baby strawberry crying?
A: Because his mom and dad were in a jam.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Theodore
Theodore who?
Theodore wasn’t open so I knocked.

Q: What do lawyers wear to court?
A: Lawsuits

Q: What did one toilet say to the other toilet?
A: You look flushed.

Q: Why is there a gate around cemeteries?
A: Because people are dying to get in!

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Cows go
Cows go who?
No silly, cows go MOO.

Q: Why wouldn’t the shrimp share his treasure?
A: Because he was a little shellfish.

Q: What has one head, one foot, and four legs?
A: A Bed

Q: What do you call an angry carrot? 
A: A steamed veggie.

Q: What do you call a fake noodle?
A: An impasta.

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Little old lady
Little old lady who?
I didn’t know you could yodel.

Q: Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
A: Because it’s pointless.

Q: Why did the man put his money in the freezer?
A: He wanted cold hard cash!

Q: What do call cheese that isn’t yours?
A: Nacho Cheese

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Etch
Etch who?
Bless you!

Q: How do you make an egg roll?
A: You push it!

Q: What word is always spelled wrong in the dictionary?
A: Wrong.

Q: How do you make a tissue dance?
A: Put a little boogey in it!

Q: What do you call a sleeping bull?
A: A bulldozer!

Knock, knock
Who’s there?
Mikey
Mikey who?
Mikey doesn’t fit in the keyhole!

Q: Why were the fish’s grades bad?
A: They were below sea level.

Q: What do you call a sad berry?
A: A blueberry

Q: Why are cornfields bad places to tell secrets? 
A: They’re full of ears.

Q: Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants? 
A: In case he got a hole in one.

Q: Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?
A: Because it’s pointless.

What was the first animal in space? The cow that jumped over the moon

Ready for a mood elevator? These animal jokes for kids are the key to a good belly laugh, we guarantee it! Kids will love memorizing these jokes about dogs, cats, bees, bunnies, and even squirrels. Which one is your favorite? Need more giggles? Be sure to check out our silly spring jokes, dad jokes, and the ultimate list of jokes for kids.

1. Why aren’t dogs good dancers?
They have two left feet.

2. What did the Dalmatian say after lunch?
That hit the spot!

3. What do you call a duck that gets all A’s?
A wise quacker.

4. Why does a seagull fly over the sea?
Because if it flew over the bay, it would be a baygull.

5. What is worse than raining cats and dogs?
Hailing taxis!

6. Where would you find an elephant?
The same place you lost her!

7. What animal is always at a baseball game?
A bat.

8. How do you get a squirrel to like you?
Act like a nut!

9. What do you call two birds in love?
Tweethearts!

10. What’s worse than finding a worm in your apple?
Finding half a worm.

11. Why don’t elephants chew gum?
They do, just not in public.

12. What was the first animal in space?
The cow that jumped over the moon

13. What did the banana say to the dog?
Nothing. Bananas can’t talk.

14. Why did the dinosaur cross the road?
Because the chicken wasn’t born yet.

15. How do you make an octopus laugh?
With ten-tickles!

16. What do you call a dog magician?
A labracadabrador.

17. Why couldn’t the pony sing a lullaby?
She was a little horse.

18. Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use a honeycomb.

19. What do you get when you cross an elephant with a fish?
Swimming trunks.

Related: 25 Cheesy Jokes To Make Anyone Crack a Smile

dad and daughter with their dog, laughing at animal jokes
iStock

 

20. What happened when the skunk was on trial?
The judge declared, “Odor in the court, odor in the court!”

21. What do you call a sleeping bull?
A bulldozer!

22. What do you call a fish without an eye?
A fsh.

23. What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?
A walkie-talkie.

24. What does an evil hen lay?
Deviled eggs.

25. What sound do you hear when a cow breaks the sound barrier?
Cowboom!

26. What kind of haircuts do bees get?
Buzzzzzcuts.

27. What do you get if you cross a pie and a snake?
A pie-thon.

28. Why can’t you play hockey with pigs?
They always hog the puck.

29. Why do porcupines always win the game?
They have the most points.

30. Where do elephants pack their clothes?
In their trunks!

31. What part of the fish weighs the most?
The scales.

32. What’s an owl’s favorite subject?
Owlgebra.

Animal Jokes Submitted by Kids

33. What do you call an ant who fights crime?
A vigilanty!

—Joe L., age 10

34. What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator!

—Milo H-R, age 8

35. Where do fish keep their money?
In the River-Bank!

—Jaxon G., 7 y.o.

36. What did the wolf say when it stubbed its toe?
Owwwww-ch! (by Henrik, age 5)

37. What’s an owl’s second favorite subject?
Hoostery.

—Jokes 36 and 37 submitted by Baylee, age 9

Got a joke you’d like to add? Send it to kate.loweth@tinybeans.com and we’ll put it in the story! 

 

 

These silly spring jokes are sure to put a smile on your face

Did you know spring showers bring more than just flowers? They also bring laughs! Besides the rainbows and tulips, these spring jokes for kids will make you more joyful about this season. If you’re looking for more springtime laughs, we’ve got Dad jokes, animal jokes, and the all-time best jokes for kids.

Spring Jokes to Grow Your Garden 

1. What did the big flower say to the little one?

You’re really growing, bud!

2. What’s a baby chick’s favorite plant?

EGG-plants!

3. What did the tree say to spring?

What a re-leaf.

4. What are the most popular kinds of pickles to grow in spring?

Daffo-dills!

5. What do you get when two plants kiss?

Tulips.

6. Who is an herb’s favorite singer?

Elvis Parsley!

7. When is it impossible to plant spring flowers?

When you haven’t botany.

8. How do you know flowers are friendly?

They always have new buds.

9. What is the best flower for a boy to give his mom?

A son-flower!

10. Why is the letter A like a flower?

Because a B comes after it.

11. What did the bean say to the sprout?

“Grow up!”

Boy jumping in rain puddles.
Jordan Whitt via Unsplash

Jokes About the Weather

12. Name a bow that can’t be tied.

A rainbow.

13. When do monkeys fall from the sky?

During APE-ril showers.

14. What goes up when the rain comes down?

Umbrellas!

15. What did the dirt say to the rain?

If this keeps up, my name will be mud.

16. Can bees fly in the rain?

Not without their yellow jackets.

17. What do you call a bear caught in a spring shower?

A drizzly bear.

18. How can you tell the weather’s getting warmer?

People have a spring in their step.

19. Did you see that all the snow and ice are melting?

Yes, I thaw!

20. When it starts raining ducks and chickens, that’s some fowl weather!

21. How does the sun listen to its favorite music?

On the ray-dio

Girl playing with baby ducks.
Christian Bowen via Unsplash

Spring Jokes That Are Just Plain Silly

22. What season is it best to go on a trampoline?

Spring time!

23. What do you call a well-dressed lion?

A dandy lion!

24. What is a spring chick after it is five months old?

Six months old.

25. What do you get when you push a bunch of Easter eggs down a hill?

Spring rolls.

26. What is Spring’s favorite appetizer?

A bloomin’ onion!

27. Why couldn’t the flower ride a bike on the first day of spring?

It didn’t have petals yet.

28. Does February like March? 

No, but April May.

29. Why is everyone so tired on April 1st?

Because they just finished a 31–day long March.

30. Why is Yoda such a good gardener?

He has a green thumb!

31. How do sheep celebrate Memorial Day?

With a baa-baa cue!

32. What’s the best time to wash your Slinky?

During spring cleaning.

33. When is it hard to plant spring flowers?

When you haven’t botany.

Yes, dad jokes for kids are a little silly, but also a lot of fun

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punch line becomes apparent. (Har har!). You’ve cringed, laughed, and even been known to repeat them on occasion. The good news is that kids get a real kick out of them. Once you’re done with these cheesy dad jokes, try out the best jokes for kids, jokes that are good for school kids, and riddles that’ll keep the kids puzzled.

Typical Dad Jokes for Kids

father and son laughing at dad jokes for kids
iStock

-I used to hate the hokey pokey, but I really turned myself around. 

-Is the refrigerator running? Better go catch it! 

(yeah, that one hurt us, too...)

-Why did the bicycle keep falling over?

It was two tired. 

-What do you call a man who tells dad jokes but isn’t a dad?

A faux pa. 

-Dad: I told my kids to embrace their mistakes, then they hugged me. 

-I entered a pun contest. I submitted 10 of my best puns to see if any would be a win.

-Hey kids, I got you Fortnite. But it will only last two weeks. 

-What’s the secret to a good elevator pitch?

It has to work on many levels. 

-Want to hear a long joke?

Jooooooooooooooke. 

-What does a house always wear to a party?

Address. 

-Charlie Chaplin and Marcel Marceau just threw microphones into the sea. Guess it’s true that great mimes sink a mic.

-Have you heard how popular the local cemetery is?

People are just dying to get in. 

-Kid: I’ll call you later! 

Dad: Just call me Dad! 

-When does a joke become a Dad joke?

When the punch line becomes apparent. 

-This pencil has two erasers. It’s totally pointless. 

Food-Related Dad Jokes for Kids

two dads laughing at dad jokes for kids
iStock

-What kind of drink is bittersweet?

Reali-tea

-What do the royals put on their pancakes?

Sir Up. 

-My kid just asked me "Can I have this, apple?" 

Guess he doesn’t know my name is Dad. 

-Dad: Did you hear the butter rumor? Well, I'm not going to spread it.

-Why Did the vegetable call the plumber?

It had a leek.

-What do you get when you coddle a cow? 

Spoiled milk. 

-Dad: Another word of caution. Never tell secrets near a cornfield. They’re all ears.

-How many apples are growing on that tree?

All of them. 

-Why did the man buy so much yogurt? 

To get cultured.

-Time to take this cookie to the hospital! It’s feeling crummy.

-Evaporated milk is confusing. There's so much liquid in it. 

-Dad to kid: Where are French fries from? 

Kid: France?

Dad to kid: Greece! 

-Dad to kids at dinner: I would tell you my pizza joke but it’s just too cheesy. 

-What do you call a band of berries playing music?

A jam session.

-How do you fix a broken tomato?

With tomato paste.

Science Dad Jokes for Kids

silly dad and son making faces
iStock

-“Kara, on average, how far can a dog run into the woods?”

"Gee, Grand Dad, I don’t know.”

“Half way. After that, the dog is running out of the woods.”

—Grand Dad jokes 49-52 submitted by our hilarious reader Dave

-Did you ever notice ants don't get sick?

They're full of anti-bodies. 

-I can't find the U-Cut tree farm. I'm completely stumped. 

-Doctor, doctor, I'm terrified of squirrels! 

[Doctor] You must be nuts. 

—Jerry C., faithful reader 

-Dad: This book about how Newton discovered gravity is so good! I just can’t put it down. 

-What do you call a fish with four eyes?

Fiiiish!

-Why doesn’t a photon need a suitcase?

Because it’s traveling light. 

-Dad to kid (in a serious voice): A word of advice, kid. Never trust atoms. They make up everything. 

-How does a musician win a fight?

They call for Bach up.

-Kid: Why are you talking to yourself, Dad?? 

Dad: I needed an expert's advice. 

-Dad: I am giving away all my batteries...free of charge! 

-How do you know carrots are good for your eyesight?

Have you ever seen a bunny wearing glasses? 

Did you hear the one about the claustrophobic astronaut?

He just needed a little space. 

Body-Related Dad Jokes

silly dad and daughter
iStock

-How do you make a Kleenex dance? 

Put a little boogie in it! 

-“You have a hole in your sock, Jack.”

“No, I don’t.”

“Sure you do.  That’s how you got your foot in it.”

-"Wow! Chase, you sure got tall. I hope you don’t grow another foot.” 

“Why not Grand Dad?” 

“Because if you do, Mommy will need to buy you a third sneaker.”

-"Grand Dad, you look pretty sharp.  Where did you get your haircut?”

“On my head, Shane.”

-Dad tells kids: Here’s a cautionary tale. Don’t sing in the shower! 

-Kid: Dad, did you get a haircut?

Dad: No, I got them all cut. 

-Dad: I never thought I’d be the type to have a beard. But then it just grew on me. 

Kids: What?? Why not?

Dad: If you get soap in your mouth, it will turn into a soap opera. 

Kids: GROAN!!!!! 

-Kid: Dad, it hurts when I move my arm like this.

Dad: Then don’t move your arm like that. 

-Why do skeletons stay so calm?

Because nothing gets under their skin. 

-What do you call someone with no nose and no body?

Nobody knows. 

-Did you hear about the dad who chugged 8 sodas?

He burped 7-Up. 

-Kid to Dad: Why are there balloons in the bathroom?

Dad: I wanted to throw you a birthday potty. 

-What do you call a 12-inch nose?

A foot. 

-Dad, can you put my shoes on?

"Nope. They are too small for my feet."

 

Need some belly laughs to treat the winter blues? These winter jokes for kids are sure to turn those frowns upside down.

The weather outside might be frightful, but that doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy some laughs. These winter jokes for kids are just the thing you need to pass the time when you’re stuck indoors. When you’ve had your fill, keep the laughs going all the way to spring with even more funny jokes. We’ve got knock-knock jokes, toddler jokes, and even corny dad jokes to keep you entertained.

happy face in the snow in the winter
Seema Miah via Unsplash

1. What kind of ball doesn’t bounce?

A snowball.

2. What do you call a snowman on rollerblades?

A snowmobile.

3. What do you call a snowman in the summer?

A puddle.

4. Why did the girl keep her trumpet out in the snow?

She liked playing cool jazz.

5. Where do snowmen love to dance?

At a snowball.

6. What do snowmen eat for lunch?

Icebergers.

7. What do you call a penguin in the Sahara desert?

Lost.

8. Where do snowmen put their money?

In snow banks.

9. What do you call a snowman temper tantrum?

A meltdown.

10. How do mountains stay warm in winter?

They put on their snowcaps.

Related: 20 Cheesy Jokes To Make Anyone Crack a Smile

boy in a coat laughing at winter jokes for kids
S&B Vonlanthen via Unsplash

11. What is the best breakfast cereal to eat in the winter?

Frosted flakes.

12. How did the snowglobe feel after hearing a scary story?

A bit shaken up.

13. What often falls in winter but never gets hurt?

Snow.

14. Which side of a polar bear has the most fur?

The outside.

15. What does December have that no other month does?

The letter D.

16. What did the icy road say to the truck?

Want to go for a spin?

17. What do you get when you cross a snowman and a shark?

Frost-bite.

18. Who were Frosty’s parents?

Mom and Pop-sicle.

19. What did one snowflake say to the other?

You’re one of a kind.

20. What did the hat say to the scarf?

You hang around while I go on ahead.

Related: 30+ Math Jokes for Kids That Add Up to Laughs

Showkat Chowdhury via Unsplash

21. What do you call an old snowman?

Water.

22. Why was the snowman rummaging through the bag of carrots?

He was picking his nose.

23. What did the tree say after a long winter?

What a re-leaf.

24. What do snowmen order at the deli?

Cold cuts.

25. How do polar bears make their beds?

With sheets of ice and blankets of snow.

26. What can you catch in the winter, even with your eyes closed? 

A cold.

27. Why did the bear keep getting fired? 

He always disappeared in the winter.

28. What did the police officer say when he saw the snowman stealing?

Freeze!

29. How does a penguin build a house?

Igloos it together.

30. Why did the boy only wear one snow boot?

He heard there was a 50 percent chance of snow.