“Anybody have a really good babysitter you can recommend? Available at the last minute?” This group text popped up on a Friday afternoon and was quickly drowned in a sea of “nopes!” and “good lucks!” and teary emojis from unrecognized numbers. No one lets go of that number lightly. None of these people, other than the sender, were in my contacts. None of these people, including the sender, will get a response from me.

I could say it’s because this person wasn’t a close friend or that I didn’t have the time while hauling my kids around in the sub-freezing darkness that January evening. But the truth is, I just cannot give it up. Because I only have one number.

Other than family, I have one number, one person, I can call to babysit my children. I’m not being picky; I am being deadly serious. I have a five-year-old with cerebral palsy whose 40 pounds might as well be 100 when you’re carrying him up the stairs or lifting him out of the van and into his wheelchair or changing a diaper on the floor. He also has limited speech, so you must be part psychic, part lip reader, to intuit his needs. His babysitter is an employee at his preschool and has known him since he was two. I can’t afford to give away the one person I trust.

Related: 11 Incredible Books That Feature Kids with Disabilities

I know it’s tough to find someone older than 14 and responsible and available and consistent and friendly and cheap-ish to watch your kids. But for us, it is so much more than that. It takes a background in working with children with disabilities, a secret handshake, a personality test, and some serious magic for me to feel comfortable leaving my children in the hands of someone I’m unrelated to.

That number on my phone with “babysitter” in parentheses is sacrosanct. The days of protecting it began in infancy. When we first brought our son home from the hospital, he came with a tracheotomy, suction machine, oxygen monitor, and g-tube. I barely left the room, much less the house. Date nights were not a priority.

And just before I went back to work, we said goodbye to the daycare we had lined up a year in advance. How could we ask them to hook him up to a feeding pump or suction out the snotty gunk from his trach hole? Not to mention pitting him against the invariable sicknesses that pass from kid to kid. A registered nurse or my mother watched him instead.

Thankfully, the trach and the g-tube and all the most precarious of his medical issues faded away with age. We no longer need a nurse. But we do need someone physically strong enough and trained enough to meet his needs.

Related: 5 Things Every Special Needs Parent Should Hear

And did I mention I also have twins? They are insane, in all the natural ways threenagers are, and require just as much eyes-on time—if not so much hands-on time—as their older brother. They will empty the entire roll of toilet paper into the toilet and lock themselves in the bathroom in under 30 seconds. Date nights are happening again, but they are still rare enough to make me feel giddy just backing out of the driveway.

This is why I let the text go unanswered. This is why I let someone else fill in that blank. Our family situation calls for a very particular set of skills. We need the Navy SEALs version of babysitters. And I don’t know another mother with a child with special needs who doesn’t feel the same. We already get less free time, much less time away without worry over our children’s safety. We can’t afford to hand out freebies.

It’s nothing personal. It’s business, the business of running our family. We need the people we trust. And so we keep them close.

This post was originally published in January 2018.

Jamie Sumner is the author of the book, Unbound: Finding Freedom from Unrealistic Expectations of Motherhood. She is a writer for The Washington PostParenting Special Needs Magazine and Scary Mommy, and an editor for Literary Mama. She is mother to twins and a son with cerebral palsy. 

Before I quit drinking alcohol back in 2010, a typical date night for my husband and I meant dinner (plus drinks) and drinks. Oh, and then drinks after dinner. Then, if we still had anything left in us after the date, more drinks at home after the kids were in bed.

Especially after we had our first baby, when we got a rare date night, we didn’t want to waste our time doing anything but drinking our new-parent frustrations away and trying to find the “old” us that was hidden under layer upon layer of sleep deprivation and Elmo-induced brain atrophy. In fact, back in those days, a date night activity that didn’t involve alcohol felt like punishment. Why even bother?

Then, I quit drinking, and I remember feeling very lost when we got our first, long-overdue date night. What on earth were we supposed to do on a date night now if I couldn’t drink? I’d be lying if I said that I remember what we did on those first few sober date nights, but now that I’ve been doing sober date nights for a while, I feel like I have a better-stocked arsenal of date night ideas that don’t involve drinking.

So, in case you’re a teetotaler (like me), maybe you’re pregnant and miss being able to drink on date night or maybe you’re just looking for ways to have fun without the hooch every now and then, here are 8 date night ideas that don’t completely revolve around alcohol.

1: Go to the movies: Of course, there’s a new wave of movie theater “experience” that incorporates drinking into enjoying a movie. We have Alamo Drafthouse where we live and fancier versions in the larger cities nearby, but I enjoy a good movie on a date night. I think it’s a real treat to go and watch a movie that I choose, that doesn’t involve a Pixar character, nor an animated version of Justin Timberlake singing top-40 hits. Plus, I’m all about getting candy or another sweet treat that I don’t have to share.

2: Play mini-golf: Going to play mini-golf WITHOUT your kids might seem cruel, but nobody said that you have to tell your kids where you went on date night, right? I think that mini-golf is all kinds of fun. Do you want to know what makes it even more fun? When you can get fiercely competitive with your partner and play your heart out without having to give up a shot for your kid or wait as your 1st grader takes 52 shots on a par 4.

3: Costco run: Lame, right? But, imagine this: Costco After Dark. Way less crowded than your usual Saturday, at 11 am Costco run. Plus, you and your partner can carefully critique the differences between the latest and greatest televisions that Costco has to offer. You can wander around, gathering samples without having to bite your Kirkland-brand peanut butter cup into four equal portions so that your toddler and 4-year-old don’t lose their minds in the middle of the store. Better yet? Pick up the toilet paper and kitty litter that you’ve been putting off purchasing and have your spouse load it in the back of your minivan for you. Now, that’s what I call foreplay. Meeeeow!

4: Go to the museum: Many museums offer an after-hours happy hour every month or so. Yes, booze is usually the primary focus of these events but you can take the opportunity to see the museum without the large crowds who are typically there during normal business hours. A museum membership is sometimes required to attend these events, but museum memberships are awesome for families to take advantage of anyway. They always pay for themselves in just a couple of visits and they afford you the luxury of going to the museum on a rainy day to see the one thing that your kid cares about seeing and then leaving directly after. No need to try and get your money’s worth out of a single-day ticket.

5: Linger at a coffee shop: Since I quit drinking, coffee shops have become a favorite place of mine. I never cared to have coffee after the hours of about 10 am before, but now, an after-dinner coffee is a special treat (and sometimes necessary to stay awake past 9 pm). Coffee shops are also good places to go and have a nice, uninterrupted conversation with your spouse. I love to people watch there also. All good things.

6: Take in some community theater: Most communities—no matter how small or large—have community theater. Some of the productions are really, really good and some of them…aren’t. But, on date night, it doesn’t matter. You’re out of the house, sans kids. There’s often beer and wine available in the lobby of these productions, but it’s not pushed on you like it is in, say, comedy clubs. Go check out a production and remark on how talented (or not!) your neighbors are.

7: Church activities: Most churches have opportunities to be social with other couples every now and then (if not more often). I’ve heard great things about “small groups,” that give you the opportunity to meet other people from the church outside of services. Our church has classes and seminars as well that would be good to do on a date night.

8: Shopping: There’s something rather appealing about going shopping with your spouse without the kids in tow. To leisurely browse on your own time and look at what YOU want to look at, without having to divide your time with your spouse, watching the kids play in the indoor mall playscape while the other runs quickly into Sears to grab a refrigerator filter and a new shirt. Use date night shopping as an opportunity to pick out new dress clothes or new granny panties—whatever makes you feel good. Or, shop at a furniture store for your (perhaps fictitious) dream house. No purchase necessary.

I used to see date night as more of a “treat yo self” night—a night that I could escape my day job and drink to alleviate the stress of parenthood. Every time though, I’d end up feeling like a worse parent—especially when I was hungover the next morning and unable to properly perform even the simplest of parenting duties for my kids. Now that I’m sober, date night is truly a recharging night for me. I get to enjoy my husband’s company and then wake up refreshed the next morning, ready to do this crazy job called “parenting” to the best of my abilities.

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I'm Jenny, a married mother to two kids and a whole gaggle of pets. I quit drinking in 2010 when I realized that alcohol was calling too many of the shots in my life and turning me into a person that I wasn't proud of. I haven't looked back. 

Good news and bad news. Bad news: Your sleep quality takes a dramatic dive once you become a parent. Good news: There are a lot of other parents out there who can sympathize. New data from SWNS drives that point home and shows that more than half the moms and dads surveyed would even consider hiring a babysitter to take over the bedtime routine.

If you have a hard time falling asleep at night, sneak a nap during the day or struggle to get your kids down, you’re not alone! The survey of 2,000 American parents of kids 18 and under found that our lovely offspring are the main reason for sleep deprivation. Forty-six percent of respondents said kids are the main reason they can never fall, or stay, asleep. Almost three-quarters (72%) said they’ll go for a daytime nap when possible. And almost half (44%) don’t drift off to dreamland easily once it’s finally time for bed.

While the average kid bedtime is a reasonable window between 8-9 p.m., we all know it’s not easy getting there. One-third of parents said putting their kids to bed is the biggest sleep routine challenge. Babysitters are traditionally reserved for date nights, but more than half of parents said they’d consider hiring one just to handle bedtime. An unlikely, but admittedly appealing-sounding arrangement some nights.

Mattress company Sealy commissioned the study, which was conducted by OnePoll. Tired parents also reported falling asleep everywhere from the kitchen table to the salon chair. But there’s more good news: It doesn’t last forever (thanks, teenagers). In the meantime, can we recommend a coffee subscription?

 

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You don’t need to go out to have an awesome date night. And bonus: Staying in means saving money on a sitter and not being stressed about having a stranger watch your child. Keep the spark alive with these eight ideas for fun date nights you can have right at home.

photo: Afif Kusuma via Unsplash

1. Facetime Double Date
Chances are, you two have couple friends who are in the same boat. You know, the boat that contains a baby and prevents you from leaving the house except out of necessity? The bad news is, it’s sometimes a struggle to get together. The good news? You don’t have to suffer alone! Schedule a Facetime double date, setting a time for some shared screen time to commiserate and laugh together. Each couple can prepare their own meals at home, uncork a bottle of their favorite beverage, and share an hour or two together in conversation. Of course it’s not as great as seeing your friends in person, but it’s the next best thing and it can be done in sweatpants.

2. Date in a Box
There are several “date in a box” subscription products on the market right now, including DateBox, a curated box of goodies that provides a unique date experience right in the comfort of your own home. On the company’s website, you fill in your likes and dislikes and a little about your couple personality, and then just wait for the magic to arrive. Packed neatly in a box that ships right to your door, Datebox is the ideal way to try new date ideas without ever leaving the house (which is perfect when your little ones are sleeping and you can’t go anywhere). An example DateBox might include an “indoor camping adventure,” complete with a s’mores kit, a pour-your-own-pine-scented candle making set, a deck of cards with game suggestions, and even a playlist suited for romance in the great outdoors.

photo: Soroush Karimi via Unsplash 

3. Epicurean Extravaganza
There’s something really sexy about cooking together (think Chocolat), and all you need is a kitchen, the right ingredients, and a good recipe to make it all possible. When you’re usually planning meals that appeal to a younger crowd (hello, mac and cheese), it’s nice to make something for a more mature palate, like a complicated recipe that actually requires measuring cups and more spices than salt and pepper. Think of all the sparks that can fly while spoon-feeding each other samples of your creations.

4. Good Old-Fashioned Sleepover
Some of the most fun times while growing up are sleepovers with your BFFs, and who could be a better friend that your partner? Go old-school with it by slathering on face masks and doing homestyle pedicures while watching a cheesy romantic comedy and waiting for your delivery pizza to arrive. You might be surprised at how much fun you can have when you take the pressure off and just be silly for a minute. Sure, you’re adults now with all the adulting you can handle, but that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t put those responsibilities aside for a bit and have a sleepover with your best friend. And who knows? It might just inspire a rousing game of Truth or Dare.

photo: Bao Truong via Unsplash

5.Game Night
Unleash your competitive sides with a game night. And before you roll your eyes and think “boring!” take a moment and consider all the possibilities Twister has to offer. Okay, so maybe most board games aren’t as flirtatious as that, but the competition that traditional board games offers can be pretty stimulating. You might be surprised how having someone sink your battleship can get your blood rushing. And with an unending supply of games (expand to table games like foosball if that’s more your speed), you can each bring a unique choice to the (literal) table.

6. Give Each Other a Massage
It’s stressful being parents, and all that tension you’re holding in your shoulders and neck (you know what we’re talking about) is only going to get worse. A massage might just be what the doctor ordered. And if you’re not a pro, check out YouTube for instructional videos or just tell each other what you like. Once the massages are through, you’ll be relaxed enough to curl up together for a good snuggle.

photo: Phillip Goldsberry via Unsplash

7. Netflix and Chill (No, Really…Watch Netflix and Chill Out)
With several streaming options including Netflix and Amazon Prime available for a small fee, the possibilities for movie night are endless. And while the “Netflix and Chill” movement of recent years suggests jumping straight to the nookie, a fun night in can really be about comfy sweatpants, a good movie or TV show, and some serious couch cuddling. If your tastes differ (he’s more GoldenEye and you’re more Golden Girls), write a few choices on slips of paper and then draw one to decide what to watch.

8. Getting to Re-Know You
You’ve folded the last towel, walked the dog, scrubbed the pink marker stains off the couch, washed the mud out of tiny little jeans, put away the last toy, and started the Crock-Pot dinner for what seems like the millionth time this week. And somewhere in the middle of the survival mode you’re currently living, you’re hoping to make time for your partner, something that can take a back seat during this time in your lives together. It’s okay, you still love each other, but there are only so many hours in the day.

But making time for each other is important, and these date nights, however few and far between, are a way for you to connect during a time that can make you feel, well, disconnected. Take the opportunity to spend a date night every now and then getting to re-know each other, talking about things that have nothing to do with diapers or dry cleaners, mortgages or rent payments. Talk about each other, your hopes and dreams, hobbies and interests, your future plans together. Take a moment to revisit the kind of talks you had in the beginning of your relationship. If it’s hard to get the conversation going, take a few minutes to write starter questions on slips of paper and then draw them out one by one. Or grab a book made just for this purpose, like  Questions for Couples: 469 Thought-Provoking Conversation Starters for Connecting, Building Trust, and Rekindling Intimacy.

—Laura Holloway

 

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Yelp is a great tool for finding everything from restaurants to bounce houses, but busy parents don’t always have the time to sit around and sift through dozens of listings to find the right one. Luckily, Yelp is adding a personalization feature that makes finding that perfect business even easier.

Yelp’s new personalization function will change the way you use the review website. Using information from individual users the new Yelp will be tailor-made to each person based on the user’s lifestyle, dietary restrictions and other interests. By letting Yelp know that you are a parent and a vegetarian, for example, you’ll get an entirely different set of responses when you search for a restaurant than someone with no kids!

photo: Courtesy of Yelp

Users can now choose from a selection of lifestyle categories, like Parent, Pet Owner, Auto Owner and more. You can also tailor your preferences with dietary needs, like Vegetarian or Gluten-Free, as well as specific activities and experiences you prefer, like museums, kids activities, date nights and many more.

Once you have your preferences selected, the results you receive when you create a search on Yelp will be filtered in order to ensure that you are seeing the listings that are most relevant to you, like restaurants that are labeled as kid-friendly. The new feature is available on Yelp now.

—Shahrzad Warkentin

 

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What’s the secret to marital happiness? For Ayesha Curry’s marriage to NBA star Stephen Curry, it means putting her husband first—before their kids.

The couple, who have a two daughters, Riley, 6, and Ryan, 3, and son Canon, 6 months, have been married for eight years. By the looks of it, theirs is a pretty happy marriage. In a recent interview with Hello Giggles, Ayesha explained the secret to their success.

“Both of our parents are still married and have been married for 30-plus years, and the one thing that they both shared with us—some through learning it the hard way, some through just making sure that they do it—is just making sure that we put each other first, even before the kids, as tough as that sounds,” she said.

Of course putting your relationship first is easier said than done, especially when you have really young kids. Ayesha explained why it’s worth the effort, however. “Putting ourselves first, and making sure that we make time for date nights and for each other. That’s been very important, as hard as it is. Because when you become a parent, you want to put your kids first, and we do, but we do it second to our relationship. Because ultimately, when our relationship is good, the kids are happy and they’re thriving and our family life is good. We have to put that into perspective and realize that it’s not us being selfish, it’s making sure we set a strong foundation.”

—Shahrzad Warkentin

Featured photo: Courtesy Coeur de La Photography

 

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If you’ve had a baby longer than five minutes, you know that babies change your life. They’re like a black hole for your time, energy and attention. Most of the time, this works out great for baby and parent—they crave the extra love and you love to give it to them. But, if you’re not careful, it’s easy for your other relationships to take a back seat to baby—especially the one that created your adorable energy-sucker in the first place.

Fortunately, while it’s normal for passion and friendship with your partner to end up on the back burner after baby is born, all it takes is a little effort to reconnect postpartum. Here are a few of our favorite ways to rekindle the spark with your co-baby-maker. 

photo: Sirah Quyyom via Flickr

Give Thanks
When you’re in the throes of postpartum exhaustion, saying “thank you” to your partner for taking the 2 a.m. shift with baby (when you had the rest of the night) or emptying the diaper pail (when you changed all the diapers) may not be the first thing on your mind, but research has proven that making an effort to verbally appreciate your partner is a key indicator of relationship happiness, with or without baby. If you think your guy is a great dad, say so! (Bonus: Expressing gratitude to a partner is proven to promote loving behavior on their part. Positive reinforcement for the win!)

photo: Yi Wang via Flickr

Take a Baby Breather
You know what they say: Three’s a crowd. And this is why bringing along baby to every date is a no-no. Having a few minutes to focus fully on your spouse—even 30 minutes to grab a cup of coffee and catch up on life—is a breath of fresh air in a relationship that tends to naturally revolve around baby. 

Solve Your Date Dilemmas
What’s holding you back from post-baby date nights? Worried about leaving your little one during their waking hours? Schedule a sitter for after you’ve put baby down for the night (or their first solid stretch of sleep). If funds are tight, swap hours with a mom friend or enlist the grandparents for extra snuggles.

photo: Kaboompics via Pixabay

Talk About Baby—and Other Stuff, Too.
We’ve all heard the mandates to not talk about your kids while on a date with your partner, but we say, gush away about the amazing human you created together. But chat it up about other things, tooworld events, updates on mutual friends and family, whatever. If your brain is consumed with all things baby, use your phone as a talking points tool. Before you go out, glance at the day’s top headlines or your social media feed to get you back in the outside world loop and give you a few conversation go-to’s.

Take It Outside
Next time you and your partner find yourselves bickering over household chores or diaper duty, strap baby in the stroller and take it outside. Literally. Turns out, stepping outside for some fresh air can be as good for your relationship as it is for your body. Consider this interesting finding: Moving physically forward with another person gives you the sense of moving forward with them mentally, too, thereby creating a sense of connection. So the next time you feel at odds with your honey, walk it out and watch your stress melt away.

photo: Freestocks.org via Unsplash

Up Your Netflix Game
Good news for tired parents everywhere: The best date nights can happen at home, no planning for sitters or working around baby’s schedule required. It’s easy to turn a mundane night on the couch watching your favorite show into something special with a little effort. The next time you settle in to Netflix and chill, order take-out, grab your favorite drinks and trade back rubs or foot rubs while snuggling up on the sofa.

Snap a Selfie
Grab your phone and open your camera roll. If a quick scroll reveals an endless sea of baby pics, it’s time to snag your honey and take a few couple selfiesbonus points for kissing pics! Then set them as your lock or home screen as a reassuring reminder you’re in this parenting/life/love thing together. 

photo: Becca Tapert via Unsplash

Get BusyTogether
We know. You’re busy all day—changing diapers, making bottles or baby food. But that’s not the kind of busy we mean. (*Wink*) After a long day of toting baby around, it’s likely that the last thing on your mind is slipping between the sheets with your manunless it’s to sleep. But making physical intimacy a priority is one of the best ways to establish an emotional connection with your spouse. And remember that having a healthy sex life isn’t only about intercourse. Laughing together, holding hands, hugging and kissing all create a sense of closeness that will keep you connected.

—Suzanna Palmer

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I think most moms can agree that once you have children the entire structure of your life changes. Sleep becomes something you hear about but never truly experience. Free time means your drive to pick the kids up at school. Grocery shopping alone becomes a luxury and privacy is a distant memory.

Another thing that changes significantly when you become a parent is your relationship. Marriage is hard work to begin with and when you add children to the mix, things can sometimes get hairy. But, they can also get pretty amazing.

Here are just a few ways that children change the marriage dynamic and some tips for keeping the spark alive!

1. You Need to Present a United Front

Is it just me, or does becoming a parent also mean you adopt the amazing ability to speak to your partner with your eyes? Sometimes, all it takes is a look and an eyebrow raise to send my husband a certain message, whether it’s, “do not say ‘yes’ to that question,” “stop teasing your son,” or “mum’s the word, he doesn’t know about that yet.” 

Whether it means using hand signals, eye rolls or a good old swift kick beneath the dinner table (I don’t recommend this), when it comes to raising children, a husband and wife should present a united front.

This means that your children know they will get the same exact answer whether they ask mommy or daddy. This prevents children from “shopping for answers” as my husband would call it, or going behind one parents back when they say “no” to ask the other parent the same exact question.

When parents give conflicting opinions, answers, or advice to their children, kids get confused. They don’t know which parent to listen to or which piece of information is correct. This can lead to confusion about the rules of the household, acceptable behavior, and even how to act outside of the home.

If you disagree with the way your partner handles a specific situation, try not to express your displeasure in front of the children. Wait until the moment has passed or your children leave the room before addressing your concern, though it does need addressing.

It’s almost guaranteed that you and your partner won’t agree on every single aspect of your parenting journey, but it’s important to discuss those disagreements openly and find a common ground. Parenting, just like marriage, is about compromise.

2. Enjoy Even the Little Moments Together

Togetherness as a couple looks very different after kids. Romantic candle-lit dinners after work are replaced with pizza between sports and bathtime. Date nights are booked weeks in advance to ensure you have a babysitter and nightly interruptions can kill even the sexiest of moods.

But that just comes with the parenting territory. It doesn’t mean that you can’t share moments of intimacy or plan romantic moments among the chaos of everyday life.

Find those small moments in your day when the kids are occupied, and turn them into something special. It could be something a silly as your child’s sports practice. While they’re busy kicking around the soccer ball or shooting hoops with friends, sit on the bleachers with your partner and discuss your days. Catch-up on a conversation, hold hands, and just enjoy being together.

Plan date nights out—at least once a month. Schedule a babysitter in advance and even if it means taking just one hour to grab a cocktail, go for ice cream or simply enjoy a leisurely drive or walk in the park, a date night doesn’t have to be expensive. It’s more about the quality time spent together.

For example, my favorite way to spend quality time with my husband is after my son is in bed and early in the morning, before he wakes. Our late night television dates include getting caught up on the news, our favorite fixer upper shows, and whatever is recorded on our DVR that week. We hold hands, laugh, and snuggle.

Even if we both fall asleep before the first show is over, it’s still quality time spent alone. The mornings mean coffee on the front porch, a rundown of the day ahead, and discussion of weekend plans or whatever is stressing us about work. Even if it’s only 30 minutes, it’s still 30 minutes of uninterrupted adult time. For me, that’s more than worth getting up before my alarm sounds.

3. Decisions Are Made With the Entire Family in Mind

That’s right, even something as simple as which type of milk to buy can become a family decision. Okay, that might be a tad extreme, but I’d be lying if I didn’t say I’d chosen the 2 percent milk over the 1 percent because my husband will use either in his coffee, but my son prefers 2 percent. It’s a compromise we make to keep the entire family happy,. But milk decisions aren’t the only ones that need family consideration.

My husband is extremely spontaneous and a risk taker when it comes to business and our finances. He often acts in the moment and figures things out later. That was all well and good when we were a young couple without children.

Sure, let’s buy that camping trailer, take that vacation to Vegas and splurge on those kitchen upgrades. We could always work more and make more money. But now that we have a son, our decisions need to be much more calculated—at least I think so.

My husband is still of the mind that we can figure things out later. I am a firm believer that raising a child means needing stability and security. I don’t do well with spontaneity as it is, but especially not when it comes to our son’s future.

It’s important to note that as parents, the decisions you make both together and as individuals will ultimately impact the entire family dynamic. That’s not to say that the children should rule the roost and never have to adapt to family changes because that’s not realistic. In fact, it’s healthy for children to learn ways of adapting, coping and adjusting to changes in life.

But in the same turn, children need a certain level of stability and security to flourish. So if your family is considering a big move, having another child, or any other life-altering changes, sitting with your partner and discussing the overall impact these decisions will have on the family unit is a great idea.  

Work as a Team

You and your partner are a team, as are you and your family. Working together, keeping the lines of communication open and making time for one another are all important components for creating a healthy family dynamic. Don’t forget, teamwork makes the dream work!

Featured Photo Courtesy: Désirée Fawn via Unsplash

I am a 32 year old mother of a son and wife to an officer. I am honest about both the love and struggle of parenting. I enjoy being active and writing is my passion, second only to my family.

Most new moms are overwhelmed by all of the things that they have to do in a day. There are feedings and diaper changes, as well as all that housework. There is barely enough time to take a shower in a day, let alone get a few minutes for yourself. However, “me time” is very important—enough that you need to find a way to squeeze it into your routine.

Here are eight reasons that new moms need  “me time.”

1. It feels good to get away once in a while.

Every mom needs to get away from their baby. They need time to think and relax, not worrying constantly about every little thing. It can be really refreshing to just enjoy yourself even if you just take a walk around the block.

2. “Me time” will give you time to take care of yourself.

It is important to make sure that you are eating healthy and exercising enough so that you are able to take care of your family. Relaxing is also necessary for good health. You need to be mentally capable of taking care of your baby.

3. If your relatives are able to watch your baby, this gives them time to develop a bond.

It is important for grandparents, aunts, uncles, and other relatives to be able to spend quality time with the baby. Asking them to watch the baby for an hour or so here and there will only delight them.

4. If you have to hire a babysitter, remember it’s healthy for your baby to have relationships with other adults they can trust.

As your baby grows, he or she is going to have to get along with plenty of adults. Adult time as a child helps them learn to interact with other adults, making transitions to daycare and school a little easier.

5. “Me time” allows you to recharge your batteries.

After some time away, you will come back to mothering refreshed and ready to take care of your baby again. Things that bothered you a few hours ago may seem insignificant.

6. Being away from your baby will make you miss him or her.

Missing your baby is a good thing! Most moms struggle with missing their children, which only makes them want to hurry back home. After time apart, you may long for some special time together so you will make sure that you have plenty of quality time together.

7. By spending time with other adults, your baby will grow up learning about different opinions.

You are going to want your child to learn how to think for him or herself. As your child grows, he or she will learn to be well-rounded and well-adjusted.

8. Though it is not “me time,” date nights are also important to help you reconnect with your partner.

Life as a parent is very difficult. Not having any time to relax and connect can make the parenting journey very lonely and frustrating.

Though it can be really hard to find time, “me time” is really important for moms. If your friends and relatives are able to watch your baby, not only will you get a break, it will also give them time to spend with your baby. It may also help the transition to daycare or school a little easier because he or she will be used to more than one person.

However, “me time” is mainly for you. It gives you a break and some time away. You might be surprised to find that, no matter how badly you wanted a quiet house, you might feel lost without your little one—you’d be amazed how much you miss him or her the second they’re away!

Featured Photo Courtesy: Alexis Chloe via Unsplash

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I'm a medical Doctor and proud father with passion for helping women know themselves and understand the importance of loving a baby while staying healthy.

We all know life changes when we have children. But how much?

My husband and I battle with this often, mostly because we were raised very differently.My husband came from the generation of “children are to be seen, not heard.” My mother, on the other hand, was all about sacrificing everything for your children—and she still is. I am definitely a mix of both schools of thought. I am my mother’s daughter, so when my son was born, my purpose in life changed. He needed me now and I had to be strong, healthy and there for him 24/7.

I remember a time we had a house party—not too many people, maybe 10 or 15. My son was probably five months old. My parents were also at the house. When 9 p.m. rolled around, I was trying to get our son to sleep. He was crying and fussy. The guests were loud—drinking, laughing and telling stories.

I began getting anxious. My husband became impatient with me, telling me to just leave him alone and he’d cry himself to sleep. My mom was in my ear that this wasn’t fair to my son and people needed to leave. That, or she was going to take him to her house to sleep.

I cried. My husband got angry. Our guests left.

Because this was early on in our parenting adventure, we both worked together to compromise and navigate the challenges we faced.

I tried to lighten up a little bit. If my son was up past his bedtime or had his bottle an hour later than planned, I tried hard not to lose it. I learned to become more flexible.

My husband compromised, too. He gained an appreciation for schedules and routines. He saw how much better things functioned in our household when my son followed a schedule for feedings and naps.

He was afraid that if we allowed my son to completely turn our world upside down, that we would lose ourselves in the process. I understood where my husband’s fear was coming from: My parents.

My parents are a pretty typical couple in their sixties: Married young, had children fast and lost all sense of personal identity. Now that they’re in their sixties, they find they don’t have much in common. They aren’t the same people they once were.

If you don’t take time for yourselves as a couple—to foster and nurture your love and connection—it can become lost over time. That’s not to say being a parent should take a backseat to your own personal desires, but I do believe there is a happy balance. My husband reminds me of this often and I think we’ve figured out what works for us.

We plan date nights at least twice a month. I am fortunate enough to know several very responsible young ladies that love babysitting our son. He enjoys having a playmate to spend time with him and do all those fun things that mommy is often too busy to do.

Regular date nights allow my husband and I time for uninterrupted conversation. We drink, we laugh, we kiss and we connect. This keeps us strong as a couple and makes us better parents to our son.

As wonderful as all this is, I haven’t completely rid my husband of his spontaneous ways. He is a risk-taker—much more than I am. He’s of the “act now, figure it out later” mindset. And while that’s all well and good to some extent, we have a child now and a child requires stability, security, and planning.

The biggest point of contention between us is my husband’s infatuation with owning a successful business. He is very dedicated and hardworking. He’s owned several businesses in the past, none of which have worked out exactly as he’d planned. I know he wants to prove to himself that he can succeed—and I know he can. He is very capable. But he’s also playing with our future from our finances to our retirement fund. It’s scary. We have a child to think about.

In three years we’ll be moving to the Florida Keys. I’ve researched the schools and they’re excellent. We’re minimalists, so We don’t need a huge home or property on the water: Just something nice enough for our little clan.

My husband will have a pension to help support us and I have an amazing job as a freelance writer, which offers flexibility in my schedule. I know my husband has thoughts of owning another business: A bait shop, a bar, a breakfast joint. And we’ve discussed why that may not be the best idea for our family.

I don’t want the responsibility. I don’t want the long hours, work on holidays and financial uncertainty. I want to be looking for a home equity line of credit and scholarships for our son, not discussing what to look for in a triple net lease. For me, owning a business has too many unknown variables. Taking risks and acting spontaneously isn’t practical when you have a child. Not unless you have a solid plan B.

I know my husband agrees. I would never dull the fire inside him. He is a passionate, dedicated and amazing man. He will work until he can no longer stand if it means making a better life for our family. I love him for all that he is and I envy his confidence. Because we are partners, he respects my apprehension and knows that owning a business in our next life might not be what’s best for our family as a whole.

Parenting means thinking outside of yourself: No longer being selfish or putting your own desires first. But parenting also comes with countless rewards that no business or career could ever replace.

Parenting is about compromise and sacrifice. But when you look into the eyes of your child and see the amazing human being you’ve created and know they are safe and secure because of you, no sacrifice seems too great.

 

Featured Photo Courtesy: ThePixelman via Pixabay

I am a 32 year old mother of a son and wife to an officer. I am honest about both the love and struggle of parenting. I enjoy being active and writing is my passion, second only to my family.