When you met your partner, was it love at first sight? (Or “site,” seeing as so many of us meet on social dating sites these days!) Were you swept off your feet and whisked away to many a romantic rendezvous?

No matter how you met or how hot and steamy the beginning of your relationship was, you likely went on dates. Often they started out simple, allowing you to get to know one another, maybe long soul-syncing talks at a cafe or slow and intimate home-cooked dinners with wine. Then they may have become more active: out to a concert or sporting event, rock climbing followed by some beers at a local pub, strolls up and down the beach boardwalk.

The options were endless! The time—abundant! The mood—carefree!

And then you had children.

Now, your daily interaction is often a transaction. You two run the business of keeping your home functioning and this doesn’t leave much time for galavanting around town, kid-free, blowing through your hard-earned moolah.

So, if time and pockets are so short, why bother? For one, do you enjoy engaging with your life partner in this I’ll-do-this-if-you-do-this sort of manner? I’m waging a bet that the answer is a big fat “no.”

Here are three very good reasons why you should keep dating your spouse.

  1. If you plan to be with this person for life, as you most likely intended when you promised this at your wedding, then you might need to work on your marriage just a smidge to keep the spark alive and well. You’ll be reminded of you why you love your partner in the first place.
  2. It will be fun! And it will be a welcome break from the monotony of the every day wake-parent-work-parent-sleep lifecycle.
  3. Your kids will benefit! As you and your spouse strengthen your partnership, you will be a wonderful role model to your children of how a healthy couple should be. Additionally, these lovey dates may refill your frequently empty parenting tank, allowing you to be a better, more patient parent.

Okay, so I’ve sold you on why you should date your partner, but how to find the time or the money to plan a date?

What my husband and I have done with intention this year, is plan one official date per month where we line up babysitting for the kids and we leave the house. That’s the biggest hurdle. We are lucky that my parents (mainly my mom) are often available to help out and that saves us some money. If they aren’t free, then we hire a sitter. Yes, this adds to a date night expense, but it is worth it, promise.

If you don’t have the extra to spend on a sitter, see if one of your mom friends would be willing to come sit at your house while your children sleep (and her partner stays home with their own kids). You could pay her in unlimited Netflix usage during her stay. Heck, she may even appreciate the “evening off” with her own kids.

And now the big question: what to do? Um, anything?! You’re kid-free, remember?

Here are some great and budget-friendly date ideas:

  1. Go for a walk in a green space near your house during sunset
  2. Grab happy hour drinks downtown while you people watch
  3. Go to a cafe where you listen to a podcast together and then discuss
  4. Drive away from the city to stargaze together
  5. Eat out somewhere nice but affordable. Savor eating at your own pace (hooray for not having to tend to kids or shovel your food down!)
  6. Use sites like TravelZoo and Groupon to get discounts of what would be a more expensive date, like a couples massage or concert tickets
  7. Take a bottle of champagne on a hike (like we did many many moons ago)

Any of those resonate with you? This is getting me excited for my husband and my next date! But, what if you and your partner have different ideas of fun? You could each make a list of five to 10 date ideas. Put all the options together and then pick one at random!

Whatever you do, the goal is to connect and have fun. And if dating one another fortifies your relationship foundation—that has shifted as it made room for your new roles as parents—well then that’s worth planning for, isn’t it?

This post originally appeared on Real Life Mama.
Christina Furnival
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

I am a mom to two young kids, a licensed psychotherapist, and a children's book author. My passion is to help and empower moms and children to understand themselves better, navigate challenge confidently, and live the life they want. Visit me at ChristinaFurnival.com

To kick off Pride month, former NSYNC member Lance Bass and his husband Michael Turchin had a special announcement to make! They’re expecting boy-girl twins in November with the help of a surrogate. Since the duo is due around Halloween, Bass and Turchin created a humorous horror-inspired video to share the exciting news.

In an interview with People magazine, the dads-to-be revealed they’d been talking about starting a family since they met—and they’ve been together for 10 years. They also said they’d hoped to have two kids and since Turchin is also boy-girl twin, the result is meant to be! The couple shared the reveal video simultaneously on Instagram today, after Bass posted to TikTok early in the afternoon.

After Bass skyrocketed to fame as a member of one of the planet’s most popular boy bands, he revealed he was gay in 2006 and subsequently awarded the Human Rights Campaign Visibility Award. He began dating Turchin, an artist, in 2011 and they married in December 2014. Turchin also shared a throwback magazine cover with one of the couple’s wedding shots to his Instagram today, writing “Happy #pridemonth everyone! Don’t let anyone diminish your worth and let that love & light shine bright.”

No question the twins will add plenty of love and light to the lives of Bass and Turchin. Congratulations to the happy couple as they embark on the journey of fatherhood!

––Sarah Shebek

Feature image: Silvia Elizabeth Pangaro / Shutterstock.com

 

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It’s been a long nine years for iCarly fans, but the wait is almost over! Paramount+ just released the official trailer for the reboot and Carly will be back with her web show on June 17!

The OG show ran for six seasons and followed Carly Shay, whose skyrockets to online fame. Only one problem: her parents are abroad and there’s suddenly a lot of new success (and problems) to deal with. So Carly recruits the help of her friends Sam and Freddie, plus older brother Spencer to help juggle stardom and high school life. iCarly initially ran on Nickelodeon and a 2010 episode was the second-most watched in network history. The two-part final episode took place in November, 2012. But as today’s trailer demonstrates, the gang is (finally) getting back together.

Miranda Cosgrove, Jerry Trainor and Nathan Kress will all reprise their original roles, only this time they’re navigating life as twenty-somethings, including dating and love lives. Laci Mosley is a new addition as Carly’s roommate and Jaidyn Triplett joins as Freddie’s snarky stepdaughter. And of course, the web show is back with the same set and familiar pranks that iCarly fans have been missing. Only now it’s shot on an PearPhone!

You’ll get three fresh episodes on June 17 if you’re a Paramount+ subscriber, with new episodes coming in weekly. In total, 13 have been ordered up for the first season of the reboot. In the words of Carly, “I know somehow we’re gonna get there and feel so wonderful!”

—Sarah Shebek

Featured photo: Dooley Productions / Shutterstock.com

 

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Bindi Irwin and husband Chandler Powell are parents! The Crikey! It’s the Irwins star (and daughter of famed “Crocodile Hunter” Steve Irwin) welcomed daughter Grace Warrior Irwin Powell on Mar. 25.

March has a whole new meaning for Irwin and Powell now. Not only is it the couple’s anniversary, but it’s also their first child’s birth month. Irwin posted a sweet family Instagram pic and a caption celebrating both awesome occasions.

Irwin wrote on IG, “March 25, 2021. Celebrating the two loves of my life. Happy first wedding anniversary to my sweetheart husband and day of birth to our beautiful daughter.”

She continued, explaining her new daughter’s special name, “Grace Warrior Irwin Powell. Our graceful warrior is the most beautiful light. Grace is named after my great-grandmother, and relatives in Chandler’s family dating back to the 1700s. Her middle names, Warrior Irwin, are a tribute to my dad and his legacy as the most incredible Wildlife Warrior. Her last name is Powell and she already has such a kind soul just like her dad.”

Irwin also posted an adorable onesie pic with her newborn’s name and birth stats. According to the post, baby Grace Warrior Irwin Powell was born at 5:52 p.m., weighs seven pounds and seven ounces and is 20 inches long!

—Erica Loop

Featured photo: Shutterstock

 

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photo: iStock

Dear 17-year-old girl,

Your life is blossoming. You’re on the edge of adulthood. The future is full of such possibilities. It really is such an exciting time.

Me now? I’ll be 34 soon. (Gulp. I started applying more face creams than I ever knew existed).

But, what I’ve noticed over the past few years is that this is a hard season for my friends and childhood acquaintances. As we’ve aged there is more and more bad life stuff. Deaths, divorces, sick children, heart-breaking infertility—the really deep hard stuff.

My “let me check on you” list has never been longer. Which really made me start thinking about life. And, what is actually important. And, what I wish I knew before.

So, here is my shortlist of things I wish I knew at 17.

1. Go out to eat for breakfast or lunch or dinner with your parent(s) and grandparents. When they ask you to do things that annoy you (AKA spend time with them) do it. Life is fast and unkind. Time goes way too fast and we lose people way too soon.

2. Enjoy your youth. Really enjoy it. Enjoy being able to move without pain. To wake up without needing makeup and an anti-inflammatory. To have minimal real-world worries. You have the rest of your life to worry and adult—enjoy your youth.

3. Find friends. Real friends. At some point in your life (the sooner the better) take the time to find real friends. And, hold on to them tight. You’re going to need each other. More than you will ever know. There will be marriages, divorces, deaths, infertility, miscarriages, terminally ill children, and everyday hard daily life. You are going to need friends for the celebrations and for the grieving. Trust me. You won’t make it without them.

4. Be a good woman. The world needs more of them. Don’t mess with someone else’s man. Trust me—most of the time (in this situation) it’s the man who is the issue. Real men, the kind of man you want, won’t cheat. Not on you and not on the one before you (with you).

5. Get an education or career. Be self-sufficient. Gone are the days whereas a whole woman can count on men to support them and their families. Does it happen? Surely. But, always know you can fall back on yourself.

6. Know that you have more to offer the world than your external looks. The world will judge you by every part of your body every chance it gets. Know inside that you are worth more. Even if you’re beautiful—you are worth more.

7. If you decide to take the educated path know that the more successful you are—the more people will be intimidated by you. It’s something in our DNA. Especially true for men and dating. Men are programmed to be the breadwinners and protectors. Our society is no longer set up for that old world system. But, the judgment still happens. Don’t base your worth on this.

8. Know that you can’t fix or change anyone but you. You can’t. Don’t even try. But, you can fix and change yourself. And, you should—every chance you get.

9. You can’t love away addiction. You can’t love away mental illness. You can’t love away the broken parts of people. You can love people and support them in them wanting to get better, but you alone, cannot love anything away in someone else.

10. When someone shows you who they are. Believe them. The first time. That’s the universe’s way of warning you. Listen to the whispers.

Know that life is beautiful and tragic. If you don’t know rain, if you don’t live in the rain, the sunshine isn’t as bright.

What would you add to the list?

JACQUELINE WAXMAN, M.Ed living in New Jersey with her kids. I’m a social worker by profession and Mom by choice. I chauffeur children to their preferred destinations, feed-bathe-and-clothe my little people when we are not playing outside. Passions include writing, photography and advocacy. 

NFL star Patrick Mahomes welcomed daughter Sterling Skye over the weekend with long-time love, fiance, and now new mommy Brittany Matthews.

Mahomes announced the Feb. 20 birth of the couples’ first child on Instagram, with a sweet post. The post featured a pic of the newborn’s teeny tiny hand holding her mommy’s finger—and a necklace with her name written in sparkling cursive.

The new parents started dating as teenagers. Mahomes popped the question to his high school sweetheart last September, after the Chiefs’ Super Bowl ring ceremony. Not long after announcing their engagement, Matthews posted a photo of the pair holding an ultrasound pic on IG, with the caption, “Mom & Dad, taking a small detour to the wedding.”

Matthews also posted the same mommy-daughter newborn photo her soon-to-be husband shared. Along with her baby girl’s name, Matthews added the baby’s weight—six pounds and 11 ounces!

Congrats went out to the new parents from several notable celebs. Gwen Stefani responded to Mahome’s post, “congratulations! cool name!” and Jerry Rice shared, “Congratulations!!”

—Erica Loop

Featured photo: Jamie Lamor Thompson via Shutterstock

 

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If you grew up binge watching rom-coms then you may remember How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days. The movie has many memorable moments but none so much as the “love fern.” Now you can have your very own fern inspired by the flick. 

If you haven’t seen the movie, here’s a quick rundown. Advice columnist, Andie Anderson (Kate Hudson), sets out to write a piece about how to get a man to leave you in 10 days while Ben Berry (Matthew McConaughey) bets his friends he can make any woman fall for him in 10 days. When they meet, both plans backfire.

Andie leaves the fern at Ben’s apartment to stake her claim, after only a few days of dating. Benjamin freaks out and subsequently winds up killing the “love fern” which doesn’t go over so well, as you can imagine. 

 

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A post shared by Kate Hudson (@katehudson)

Now Urban Stems is partnering with Hudson’s King St. Vodka to launch their limited edition collaboration, The Love Fern. 

Love Fern

UrbanStems x King St. Love Fern ($55) is a potted Blue Bell fern which comes with a King St. Vodka mister for easy watering.  

This gift is the perfect gift for your spirit-loving Galentine or Valentine. Each Love Fern comes with a unique 15% discount code for King St. Vodka on ReserveBar.com.

Cue up How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days and here’s to hoping your “love fern” fares better than Andie’s! 

—Jennifer Swartvagher

All photos courtesy of Urban Stems

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There’s a certain lure to self-help books. Especially if you’re anything like me. I’m always on the quest for more knowledge, always the perpetual student. 

I’m always either trying to constantly look for ways to better myself or I’m looking for ways to do things better, faster or quicker—in other words: shortcuts galore!

I am embarrassed to admit this, but I’ve read almost every popular parenting book out there. (Heck, I’ve even co-authored a surviving twins guide.) Even before I was a parent, I read many self-help books on dating, better communication how to improve my career and more.

(Well, by read, I don’t mean that I actually read all of the books from cover-to-cover. I usually skim through them or read only particular chapters of interest or those that I feel will be of benefit me.)

What I’ve come to realize is this: there’s no magic solution to parenting. There’s no hack. 

Parenting is a work in progress. It’s an evolution of ourselves and our children.

Some parenting techniques require both parents (and often grandparents) to consistently apply those techniques for them to be able to work. Some techniques are more rigorous than others. Some are too lax for my parenting st‌yle, some are to rigid. But I like picking up a few key ideas from each book. 

You have to know your own temperament—and your child’s  You have to constantly adjust. Needs change as situations change and as their development changes. Know your child and know yourself so that you can anticipate problems and set boundaries, but adjust them when you need to.

No one tells you how hard parenting is going to be! No single self-help book can help you hack parenting. It’s a work in progress for all of us.

(PS: My current favorite parenting book?  Weird Parenting Wins, by Hillary Frank of the parenting podcast, The Longest Shortest Time.)

Dr. Patel is an allergist in Pasadena California. She is board-certified in Allergy-Clinical Immunology and Pediatrics. She is the co-author of The Mommy MD guides to Twins Triplets and More! She understands that parenting is the hardest and most fulfilling job you can have. You can find her @TMommyMD.

Congratulations are in order. Rose Leslie debuted her baby bump in the new issue of Make Magazine. She and husband Kit Harrington portrayed star-crossed lovers Jon Snow and Ygritte on Game of Thrones.

 

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ROSE LESLIE ❤️ 🌹we chat with Rose about her upcoming role in Death on the Nile , her lockdown experience and more. Not many people can pull off a Stella McCartney floor-length silk frock and a fashion shoot when expecting a baby but Rose showed no sign of fatigue on our world exclusive fashion shoot for the latest issue of Make. Photography by @billiescheepersphotography fashion editor @ursula_lake . Rose wears @stellamccartney exclusively throughout. Makeup by @justinejenkins hair by @liztaw . Beautiful graphic design as always by @deep_london 💥 #clickthelinkinbio 👆 to read the full interview by @hancathrand . #roseleslie #exclusive #interview #scoop #fashionshoot #makemagazine #neweditorial #gameoftheones #worldexclusive

A post shared by MAKE magazine (@make_magazineuk) on

Make Magazine shared an Instagram post featuring Leslie with the caption, “Not many people can pull off a Stella McCartney floor-length silk frock and a fashion shoot when expecting a baby but Rose showed no sign of fatigue on our world exclusive fashion shoot for the latest issue of Make.”

The actress and her former Game of Thrones co-star sparked dating rumors in 2012 while working on the series as co-stars. The couple were married in 2018. 

—Jennifer Swartvagher

Featured photo: Kathy Hutchins via Shutterstock

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Call my naïve but I didn’t really expect teenage girls to be venturing into the online dating world. Turns out, I was wrong, and they are. Virtual connecting is becoming more popular in our digitally saturated lives but also more dangerous. Girls are often entering unknown territory, using apps they are not legally allowed to use, and navigating them alone.

When I asked teens about their dating world, some had celebrity infatuations, others had school crushes, and others had virtual connections. These girls were more than comfortable on, what they dubbed as “gateway” apps, such as Insta and Snapchat and more than familiar with popular dating apps like Tinder, Hinge, Bumble, and Grindr. I was impressed they had already considered what they loved about online dating such as a fun way to get to know different types of people and the pitfalls such as not always feeling they could trust online personas.

Given the fact that most of her online world is private and you are on the periphery of her circle, here’s what you need to know about your daughter and her possible dating experiences.

Number One: You must discuss the upsides and downsides of online dating. Now, she may not want to talk about it but you can talk in general terms. This makes it less personal and may feel more emotionally safe for her. You may talk about characters that date this way in her current Netflix series or ask if her friends are trying it out. If she doesn’t want to talk about it, here’s what girls told me: they loved how easy, casual, instant, and convenient the experience felt. They saw this as a starting point to practice social skills (it felt much less awkward) and a step toward more serious dating (eventually meeting in person), but much less intimidating. They really appreciated the opportunity to meet all kinds of people, all over the world and to figure out the “best fits” for her. Teen girls also enjoyed creating their “ideal” persona and putting their “best foot forward” but they admitted they sometimes lost themselves in their online idealized versions. The downsides they shared included: the superficiality and the games (one person always seemed more interested than the other). They knew it’s all too easy to lie about age, gender, and personality. They recognized that it’s very time consuming and they felt pressure to endlessly “shop” or “sort” through potential partners. In other words, it felt like work. They worried about miscommunication and misunderstandings and not feeling safe, with possible catfishers, weirdos, and creeps. This is what you can ask her about, or at least know.

Number Two: You can encourage her to think about her boundaries. Again, she may not want to talk about it but the vital question is this: what is she willing to share? Girls need to think about how personal they want to be and also what topics and pictures they are comfortable sending or posting. I tell parents all the time, girls must be as private as possible when it comes to details about themselves and they need to turn location settings off. People pleasing and vulnerable girls all too often cross their own boundaries and share way too much. Also, they can get stuck in conversations on “hot topics” they don’t want to discuss like dating or sex. I can’t tell you how many girls talk about the pressure they feel to “sext” or send sexually explicit messages or images. So often, they don’t want to but the fear of rejection is so great, they do. Her boundaries need to be hers and we can help her think about where to draw her line.

Number Three: You can help her create a support circle. Her online dating life is likely going to be kept private. She may come to you if things go awry. She may not. Girls do know they have options and they are practiced at: deleting, blocking, reporting, or “ghosting” people if they are feeling uncomfortable, scared, or violated. Nonetheless, they can still struggle to disappoint or reject others and they can feel alone. Let’s talk to them about creating a circle of people whom they trust and turn to, if need be. Let’s encourage them to set up these kinds of relationships beforehand. Her circle can include an older sibling, a family friend, a coach, a mentor, a counselor, or even you. A simple conversation can become her safety net and allow her to feel more protected and more empowered and allow her to approach her trusted source when she needs to talk about her dating experiences or doesn’t know how to respond to someone. If you, or someone else she is comfortable with, are part of her circle and she is open to it, I suggest research online dating together. She may be shocked to learn the facts such as: 70 percent of teens are online dating and most online dating users do so in private and without their parents’ knowledge or permission.

Your daughter may not be dating online (yet). Not all girls are into dating at all. She may have other priorities, or not be interested; she may feel too worried or scared. She may not be ready. Yet, after my recent conversations with adolescent girls, it is more likely that she is already hearing about it, thinking about it, or trying it out. Let’s help her, in the ways we can, from the periphery, and as involved as she’ll allow.

For more information and support for navigating life with teen girls, check out Growing Strong Girls: Practical Tools to Cultivate Connection in the Preteen Years and Rooted, Resilient, and Ready available on Amazon and Audible as well as the website Bold New Girls.

 

 

I am a girl advocate and girls champion; the founder of Bold New Girls, teaching and coaching for girls and their parents. As well, I am the author Growing Strong Girls and Rooted, Resilient, and Ready (available on Amazon and Audible). I am an international speaker and an instructor with Udemy.