Known for being enthusiastic and cool, babies with a November birthday also have some serious star power

If you know a few nonagenarians whose birthdays are in November, it might not be a coincidence. According to research, being born in November may well mean having a longer lifespan, among other unique traits. Sure, babies born in August are known for their positive attitudes, babies born in September are said to have strong bones, and babies born in October might be just a little bit taller. But people with November birthdays? Well, they stand out from the crowd, and we’d like to tell how. 

child with a november birthday
Humphrey Muleba via Unsplash

They Have Some of the Rarest Birthdays

Turns out, November is one of the most uncommon months to be born. In fact, according to this handy chart compiled using data from the U.S. National Center for Health Statistics and the U.S. Social Security Administration, six of the rarest birthdays of the year, including Thanksgiving Day, are in November. 

Related: Why September Babies Are More Successful

Children with a November birthday are known for being athletic, like these kids playing soccer
iStock

They’re Athletes

Not everyone can make the first string, but there are fewer bench warmers among this bunch. According to a study published in the International Journal of Sports Medicine, kids with a November birthday are often fitter and stronger than those born in other months when measured for cardiorespiratory fitness, handgrip strength, and lower-body power. There's a clear physical advantage for those born in fall, researchers indicated, while also using this information to explain some bias in sports selection, particularly those leagues and schools with September age cut-off.

They're Strong at Heart

While heart disease is an unfortunately common ailment, a study published in the Journal of the American Medical Informatics Association found that those born in November are least likely to be diagnosed with cardiovascular disease. A look at 10 cardiovascular conditions showed that people born in autumn are more protected than those born in winter.

A happy little girl in fall celebrating her November birthday
iStock

 They Lead Longer Lives

It’s pretty rare to live to be 100. Less than 1 percent of all Americans will make it to a full century, but if you’re born in November, chances are better that you’ll be among the few. Researchers from the University of Chicago found that babies born from September to November are more likely to become centenarians (or 100-year-olds) than those born in any other month. Being female, having good genetics, and a higher socioeconomic status can also help get you into the 100-plus birthday club.

Related: October Babies Are Totally Winning At Life, According to Studies

A little boy with a book is shocked to learn that he is more likely to be left handed because he has a November birthday
Ben White via Unsplash

November-Born Boys Are More Likely to be Lefties

Left-handers make up just 10 percent of the population, but if you have a November birthday, you may well be one of them. More specifically, boys born during November are more likely to be lucky lefties, according to research published in Cortex journal. Scientists suspect this may be tied to pregnant women's early exposure to sunlight, which can increase testosterone levels and result in left-handedness. 

They’re A-Listers

Just about every month has a few birthday claims to fame, but none quite as stellar as November. Celebrities born in November include Leonardo DiCaprio, Scarlett Johansson, Martin Scorsese, Jodie Foster, and Ryan Gosling. It’s pretty clear that November babies are destined to be among the accomplished award-winners.

Related: This Is the Most Popular Birthday in the US

Two little girls celebrate their November birthdays together
Victoria Rodriguez via Unsplash

They Are Brave and Enthusiastic

If you or your child has a November birthday, that means you or they are either a Scorpio (birthdays through Nov. 21) or a Sagittarius (Nov. 22 on). The ever-passionate Scorpio is known for being intuitive, brave, and hard-working, while fun-loving Sagittarius kids are recognized for their honesty, enthusiasm, and spontaneity. So, what does that mean? It means that if you're born in November, you must have a pretty great personality!

They Are Cool as Cucumbers

November babies have two birthstones: the topaz, which symbolizes calmness, and the citrine, also known for its tranquil energy. The stones both signify the serene, as well as prosperity, fortune and joy. No wonder people born in November are so cool! And both of these beautiful birthstones are more affordable than others, making a jewelry-related gift for people with November birthdays a bigger and better possibility. 

 

Here are a few unique traits that make babies born in this month special

Pumpkin spice lattes aren’t the only reason why September calls for celebration. Did you know that September is the most popular month of the year to be born? Yup! According to a study done by Reader’s Digest, nine of the 10 most common birthdays are in September. So get ready to party, and discover some other interesting facts about your September baby.

They’re happier.

Success is great, but nothing is more important than happiness. Time reports people born in the fall months are the least likely to suffer from depression. They are also the least likely to suffer from bipolar disorder, but studies disagree on whether it’s because there’s still a lot of fresh produce in the fall or short winter days haven’t set in yet.

People born in September are at the top of their class.

Being a September baby means higher rates of academic success, according to a study conducted by the National Bureau of Economic Research. Most September babies are the oldest kids in their class thanks to enrollment cut-off dates that often lead to these tykes getting a late start in school. That late start, also known as red-shirting, means that kids born in September are more mature, which was shown to have a significant impact on their cognitive development and test scores throughout primary school.

They probably make good co-workers.

People born in September fall under either the Virgo (Aug. 23 – Sept. 22) or Libra (Sept. 22 – Oct. 22) astrology sign. One strength of a Virgo baby is that they’re hardworking and analytical, and Libra babies are cooperative and diplomatic, all of which are good qualities in a teammate.

Related: Babies Born in June Are More Social (& Other Fun Facts)

People born in September and September babies are usually good athletes
iStock

They’re usually first-string.

Academics aren’t the only thing September babies are successful at. Babies born in the fall are more likely to succeed in athletics as well. For the same reasons that they are successful in the classroom, being the oldest often gives them an on-field advantage in size and strength.

The birthstone for September is a sapphire.

One of the world’s most precious gemstones, ancient Greek and Roman societies believed this brilliant blue stone would protect those who wore it from harm and envy. In medieval Europe, the sapphire was also thought to have healing powers.

They tend to live longer.

People born in September and November are more likely to live to be 100. According to a study from the University of Chicago that analyzed data from over 1,500 centurions, most people who live to be 100 are born during these months. The reason for this, the researchers suggest, is that this group was less likely to suffer from seasonal infections early in life, which could impact life-long health.

People born in September have strong bones.

A study conducted by Bristol University concluded that babies born in late summer and early fall had thicker bones than babies born during the rest of the year. Wider bones are thought to be stronger and less prone to breaking especially later in life, which is good news if you live to be 100.

There are lots of famous people born in September.

Every birth month can claim a celebrity or two, but September is flooded with famous faces blowing out their birthday candles. Keanu Reeves, Will Smith, and Beyonce are just some of the A-list stars born in September, but it doesn’t stop there. Some of your kid’s favorite authors and creative minds are also September babies, including Roald Dahl, Shel Silverstein, and Jim Henson.

Related: Why People Born in August Are Strong-Willed (& Other Interesting Facts)

No need to get wet: being just near a blue space is great for your health

If you needed an excuse to hit the coast year then you’ll be happy to learn that going to the beach changes your brain, according to science. Actually, being near any body of water (think: lake, river or the sea) brings many health benefits for your mind and body in what scientists call “blue space.”

In fact, a new study from the Journal of Environmental Psychology reveals that exposure to blue space as a child has a major impact on a person’s mental health and will encourage them to maintain a healthy relationship with nature into adulthood.

“Building familiarity with and confidence in and around blue spaces in childhood may stimulate a joy of, and greater propensity to spend recreational time in, nature in adulthood, with positive consequences for adult subjective well-being,” says the study.

Related: 30 Things You Can Do at the Beach (Besides Build a Sandcastle)

Devon Daniel/Unsplash

The study involved 18 countries and examined the relationship between adult well being and a person’s exposure to blue space as a child. Respondents shared their experiences with blue space during childhood, including how frequently they visited it and how comfortable their parents were allowing them to be in and near water. In a nutshell: the more blue space exposure as a child equalled a better adult well being.

“Adults also had familiarity with and confidence around coasts, rivers, and lakes, as well as higher levels of joy around bodies of water and a greater propensity to spend recreational time in nature during adulthood, says WebMD. “In turn, this lifted their mood and wellbeing.”

The impact that bodies of water have on our well-being are numerous: reduced depression, increased levels of creativity, and the ability to naturally de-stress are just a few. Now you know why spending time soaking up the waves and summer sun makes you feel so amazing!

Here’s how it works. Scientists say that being near water and listening to the waves can bring you to a more meditative state and lead to reduced depression. The undulating waves are relaxing, acting as a de-stimulator and can help bring more mental clarity as well.

While your mind is in a relaxed state, you are more likely to be more creative as your brain rests. The blue state helps take you away from the everyday stressors of life and you are free to let your imagination roam. The Global Healing Center recommends literally surrounding yourself with the color blue to bring about a sense of calm and inspire creativity.

Related: 9 Ways You Can Support Your Child’s Mental Health Right Now

Andie Huber
Tinybeans

Scientists also say that a swim in the ocean can de-stress you, stat. Not only can the water feel refreshing, but the naturally occurring negative ions are also said to help counteract the positive ions we come into contact with on a day to day basis, leaving us in a more peaceful and relaxed state.

Just stepping foot onto the sandy shores of the beach does a body good. Researchers say that the simple act of touching sun-warmed sand brings almost immediate comfort––unless you’re not a sand person.

Finally, standing in front of a huge body of water can give you a fresh perspective on life. That sense of awe you feel being next to something so huge in life can really minimize the things you stress on from day to day.

The next time you’re feeling dragged down by life, why not hit up your closest beach? Indulge in the blue space––your mind and body will thank you.

 

As my kids grow into adulthood, I’m learning how to love them differently.

Don’t get me wrong, I love them equally and fiercely—sometimes with an intensity that frightens me. But as they move from teenager to adulthood and I get glimpses of the young adults they’re becoming, I realize that they see and hear love in very different ways.

Take my eldest daughter, Skylar, for instance. She’s bright, cheery, and lights up a room when she walks into it. She’s also warm, affectionate, and very free with her hugs. We can converse for hours and simply telling her I love her is enough to start the waterworks.

Her sister, Elise, couldn’t be more different if she tried. She’s strong-spirited, independent, and determined. She hates asking for help, and parenting her has been a tricky, intense experience especially since she has struggled with depression in the past. Seeing my baby girl going through depression for most of her adolescence broke my heart. It wasn’t until she was on her way to recovery, and I learned how to show her love differently, that we started connecting.

Then there’s my son, Ryan. Like most teen boys, he would rather eat dirt than be seen hugging his mom. He’s uncomfortable with overt shows of affection and prefers a pat on the back or a fist bump to a hug from his father or me.

Raising kids with such varying personalities means that I needed to find new ways to show and give them love, even when it’s not always reciprocated:

I show them that I love them by being present.

Both Elise and Ryan play sports, and I dutifully show up to all their games. Most times they don’t acknowledge my presence because it’s just “not cool,” but I love being there, and it matters to me that they know they have my support. So I show up, cheer them on, listen when they talk or vent, and do my best to give them my time and attention.

I’ve learned to speak love in other languages.

Sometimes the best way to express love is with actions. I leave notes or send my kids texts, letting them know how proud I am of them. I make sure we’re fully stocked with the protein bars my son wolfs down after practice and ensure Elise’s shampoo never runs out. These small acts of service might not seem like much, but they’re my way of showing my kids how much I care.

I’m learning that love exists in small moments.

Mindful parenting has taught me that there are dozens of small, wonderful moments that I should be grateful for every day. I’ve learned to be thankful for all the awesome things my teens bring into my life. The moments Elise strikes up a conversation or when Skylar makes dinner or when Ryan, ever the comedian, has us in stitches.

For me, these are the moments that make parenting worth it.

I still say, “I love you.”

I still say these words even when they’re not acknowledged or returned by my children because no matter what, they’re still true, and it is important to me that my children can look back and know I actively expressed that I loved them.

Loving children is easy: It’s showing them love in a way that they can understand and appreciate that’s the hard part. I’m still learning, changing, and adapting as I go, but as of right now, I am happy knowing that I am always trying to let my loved ones know that I genuinely care.

Cindy Price would like to say she's a parenting expert but she knows better than to do that. As a parent educator and writer for over 15 years, she's well-aware how quickly parenting practices evolve. Family is her greatest joy and she hopes her writing can help make families stronger. 

Florida’s House of Representatives passed a bill Thursday that would prohibit “classroom discussion about sexual orientation or gender identity” in the state’s primary schools. The legislation is titled the “Parental Rights in Education” bill but is dubbed by critics the “Don’t Say Gay” bill, and must pass the state’s Senate and then be signed into law by Rep. Gov. Ron DeSantis to become law.

The bill, which Rep. Joe Harding (Republican) introduced  to the House, says discussions about “sexual orientation or gender identity may not occur in kindergarten through grade 3 or in a manner that is not age appropriate or developmentally appropriate for students in accordance with state standards.”

Harding said the measure is about “empowering parents” and improving the quality of life for the state’s children. “Creating boundaries at an early age of what is appropriate in our schools, when we are funding our schools, is not hate,” Harding said. “It’s actually providing boundaries, and it’s fair to our teachers and our school districts to know what we expect.” The bill would not prohibit students from talking about their LGBTQ families or bar classroom discussions about LGBTQ history, including events like the 2016 attack on the Pulse nightclub, a gay club in Orlando.

The bill has grabbed the attention of international newspapers, Hollywood actors and the White House. Democrats argued that the legislation’s text makes it unclear what age groups the bill could apply to, and the broad language of the legislation could open districts to lawsuits from parents who believe any conversation about LGBTQ people or issues to be inappropriate.

Amit Paley, the CEO and Executive Director of the Trevor Project—an LGBTQ youth suicide prevention and intervention group—said in a statement, “When lawmakers treat LGBTQ topics as taboo and brand our community as unfit for the classroom, it only adds to the existing stigma and discrimination, which puts LGBTQ young people at greater risk for bullying, depression and suicide.”A national survey by the Trevor Project… found that 42 percent of LGBTQ youths seriously considered attempting suicide last year. More than half of transgender and nonbinary youths who were surveyed seriously considered suicide, it also found.

On the House floor Thursday, Rep. Carlos Guillermo Smith, a Democrat who is gay, told lawmakers in an impassioned speech “I want to make sure that for those LGBTQ youth in Florida and around the country and in the world who are watching, I want to make sure that they know this: You are loved. You are supported. And we will wake up every single day to fight for you, because you are worth fighting for,” Smith said.

In addition to the Parental Rights in Education bill, aka “Don’t Say Gay” bill in Florida, 15 other bills are under consideration in eight states that would limit speech about LGBTQ identities in classrooms, according to PEN American, a nonprofit group that advocates for free speech. Three states passed similar bills last year that allow parents to opt students out of any lesson or coursework that mentions sexual orientation or gender identity.

Huh. Just curious, but when in history has ever NOT talking about something—or someone—led to anything good?

—Shelley Massey

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How are you doing with your New Year Resolutions? Each new year, many mommas make big promises to themselves: Lose those pandemic pounds, find more “ME” time, find a new job. But when the second week of February strikes, like clockwork, most Americans will have already broken their promise—80 percent of Americans! And yet, we fall for it year after year, building ourselves up to accomplish our goal, only to have it backfire and make us feel guilty for trying at all.

What most people don’t realize is this: We create a feeling of guilt often sets the tone for the rest of the year. So, what if, instead, we shifted our focus on setting intentions that make us feel good rather than setting goals that make us feel guilty?

What if we focused on how we want to feel this year rather than putting so much pressure on losing weight?

After all, we were put on this earth to live the human experience, and a huge part of that human experience is to feel!

But there’s another, more critical reason why setting intentions is so valuable.

You see, part of the human experience is also living through the highs and lows of life, and collectively, we are living through one of the lowest lows most of us will ever experience in our lifetime. Setting intentions helps us feel our feelings of trauma, depression, and anxiety. And when we do, we open doors to healing, growing, and even finding our authentic power, which is accessing the wisdom we already have within us, and then in turn, trusting that wisdom. When we don’t allow ourselves to feel or process these “messy” emotions, we set ourselves up for even greater emotional turmoil in the future. In the same way that we laugh or smile when we are joyful, we need to find safe ways to process those “messy” feelings, such as crying, screaming, or talking it out.

Trust me, I know how easy it can be to ignore or bury these messy emotional critters. When I was just 11-years-old, I witnessed the sudden death of my father to a heart attack. I remember fumbling with the phone, trying to dial 9-1-1 but failing the first time, and then running to get the neighbors for help. In the days and years that followed, I couldn’t help but think that  if I had just dialed 9-1-1 faster or gotten to the neighbors for help sooner, my father would be alive today and this nightmare wouldn’t be my reality.

For years, I buried my trauma, guilt, and grief deep within me where no one could find them, including me. I didn’t tell anyone that my father had died because it was too painful to address on the surface. What was easier was shutting my pain deep within. The years went by, and I stumbled into my 20s and 30s as a shell of myself, showing up as the successful, workhorse journalist on the outside who could mask any pain with the flash of a smile.

I truly became a master at hiding my grief, until suddenly, it caught up with me in the most unexpected of ways: through my own body.

I became bedridden thanks to a debilitating mystery illness (little did I know this was the catalyst of my eventual Lyme Disease diagnosis) coupled with post-partum depression. There I was, the “strong” Superwoman I had pretended to be, unable to care for my three young children and unable to do my job. I had never felt more like a failure.

But it was then in that state of hopelessness that I realized my body was trying to tell me something; it was time to heal, not just physically, but from the inside out, and it was there that I made the decision to set intentions for how I want to feel rather than do. Little did I know that this decision would lead me to the healing and growth that I had been searching for my entire life, and awaken my authentic power.

So, as we continue into 2022, I encourage you to set intentions that set you up to live in your authentic power.

If you don’t know where to start, try these three steps:

1. Set intentions for the week, month, and year. This is all about baby steps! Grab a journal, and perhaps a friend, and take some time to write down how you want to feel today. Sit and meditate with how you want to feel instead of what you want to be doing. Remember, we are human beings, not human doings! Start by asking yourself, how do I want to feel going into today? This week? This month? Starting small will lead to big transformations, I promise.

2. Define your support community. One problem in our society is that people don’t feel safe to truly express how they are feeling. Think about your family, friends, and mentors, and write down who you trust and feel safe to openly share what is on your heart and mind. Or you can try finding an existing like-minded community to express yourself, such as a church, a yoga studio, and more. Share and declare your intentions with the ones you feel safest with! I have found that by verbalizing my intentions keeps me accountable for how I want to feel.

3. Find techniques to achieve your intentions. Some practices I recommend include breathwork, meditation, empathy, sacred writing, art, nature, movement, and spirituality. You can also try my FEEL Framework that I created as a way to use my authentic power to face your feelings: Focus on your emotions, Enter within the emotion, Experience the emotion, and finally, Listen, Learn, and Love it back!

For more on my FEEL Framework and more insight on honoring your emotions this year, check out my new book, Authentic Power: Give Yourself Permission to Feel, where I interview over 20 healing luminaries and share more of my personal story.

Ashley Bernardi is an award-winning podcaster, author, and founder of Nardi Media, a full service media relations firm. She is a former news producer with credits including CBS News, Bloomberg TV, and The Washington Post, and is is author of the highly acclaimed new book Authentic Power: Give Yourself Permission to Feel.

When children went back to school this fall, the signs of substantial academic learning loss were already there. As a parent, I saw this with my own kids and their friends in their class. Her class spent substantial time on relearning letters and numbers, trying to catch back up to where a typical, non-pandemic kinder should be. And I’m sure you agree, the teachers are crushing it! They heard the S.O.S call of academic learning loss from last year and stepped up to the challenge. We as parents look to teachers as the experts in leading our children and supporting them in their academic learning—they are academic Jedi Masters. However, academic learning loss is not all that kids are struggling with.

As most of you have probably noticed with your own children, our youth are suffering emotionally, mentally and socially. All that time spent apart from their peers has resulted in significant social-emotional learning loss. While our teachers are trying to help our kids thrive academically, they cannot also help them thrive socially, emotionally, and mentally—though that is what is expected of them. We cannot expect someone to give 110% in multiple areas. When we spread ourselves too thin, we are barely surviving. And that is the position our kids are in right now. So what are we to do?

Just like we expect teachers to be the experts in academic learning, we have to turn to the experts in social-emotional learning: Traditional Summer Camps.

Traditional Summer Camps, like Tumbleweed Day Camp, have been the experts in social-emotional learn for over a century. Our complete essence is built on creating small, intense communities every summer or sometimes every week. In order to build these communities, we have gotten really good a supporting social and emotional growth in our campers, focusing specifically on relationship building, mindfulness and being self-aware, curiosity, and optimism. The social-emotional learning (SEL) that happens at camp is not only key to addressing the mental health crises we are seeing across the country, it is also necessary to help our kids with their academic learning as well. Traditional summer camps help our children move from barely surviving in school, to thriving in life, and more importantly, being happy. Taking a look at how the experts at summer camps utilize these SEL tools will help you pick the best program for your child this summer.

Relationship Building
Relationship building is a fancy way for saying MAKING FRIENDS! Experts at summer camps know how critical relationship building is in become successful, happy humans. Making friends and learning how to positively interact with other people involves many elements of SEL: communication, collaboration, civil disagreement, being a leader and learning how to be a good partner. When looking for a camp for this summer, making friends and building relationships should be the number one program focus of any expert-run establishment. When children feel connected and confident in their ability to make and sustain friendships, their anxiety and depression become lower and their self-esteem rises, trickling into all areas of their life.

Mindfulness & Being Self-Aware
Tons of research has been devoted to the positive effects of being present, or mindful, and those skills are critical in helping kids thrive in life. All great summer camp programs give kids time to explore nature, daydream, and live creatively. Camps whose programs offer space and time for mindful play and lessons in being present should be at the top of your list when choosing a camp. When camps devote time and space to being more present, they are also providing opportunities for campers to practice being self-aware. Summer camps have the flexibility and a higher camper-to-staff ratio that enables us to take time to talk to kids about how they are feeling. Summer camps like Tumbleweed intentionally take time to work with campers on being self-aware, because the more we talk about how our emotions work, the better we are at controlling them and being the masters of our own happiness.

Curiosity
Curiosity is the key element in life-long learning. Since our schools have to focus so much energy on catching students up with their academic learning, there is not a lot of time that can be spent on wondering, experimenting, or being curious just for the sake of finding out something new. That’s where summer camp experts come in! Whether it’s going on a scavenger hunt or experimenting for the first time on the rock wall, camp is filled with opportunities to be curious. Giving campers opportunities to be curious helps them practice setting expectations, succeeding and failing, and most importantly building optimism.

Optimism
Optimism is one of the single most important skills used to fight anxiety and depression. When you have something to look forward to, you are less likely to feel hopeless and alone. One of the things that makes summer camp so special is that we build up to many moments, including the first day of camp. The simple act of choosing a great summer camp for your child and putting it on the calendar can change the way they see the rest of the semester. It is the light at the end of the tunnel. Now, great camps are able to build this optimism because they create meaningful moments and intentional programs that help support social-emotional learning. They create something to be optimistic about! Having those experiences and practicing optimism at camp with social-emotional experts give kids the skills needed to intrinsically do that during the school year.

Life has not been easy for anyone these past few years, but our children have been impacted more than others. Let’s help set them up for success and get them the experts they need to support their social, mental, and emotional learning. Our children are on the right path to survive whatever comes next, and by sending them to a traditional summer camp this year, you can help them move from surviving to thriving.

Feature photo: iStock

I'm Liz - mom of two, wife of one, and small business owner. I live in Los Angeles but hail from the North East. I like dancing while washing the dishes, listening to my kids laugh, hanging out at breweries with friends and going to baseball games with the husband.

COVID-19 is causing a mental health crisis in people of all ages, but no group has been more impacted than our young people. In fact, the American Psychological Association says that teens currently report worse mental health and higher levels of anxiety and depression than all other age groups—including adults.

So, what can parents do to help? Plenty.

We can pay attention, we can provide meaningful support, and we can enlist professional help when it’s needed. Most of all, we can maintain a focus on helping our kids build the strengths and skills they need to thrive, not just during the pandemic, but all through life.

The following tips can help parents support their children right now. Remember that each child is unique and will respond differently to a traumatic event like COVID-19. Of course, be sure to tailor the following exercises to your child’s needs and age group.

Identify Triggers

Try to identify specific triggers. Spend some time observing your child’s behavior. When you recognize a behavioral pattern that needs closer attention, try to figure out its cause. For instance, maybe the outburst always happens on Wednesday mornings—and you realize that’s the time for the school math tests. Or perhaps every Thursday afternoon around 3:00 p.m. your child has a tantrum—and you recognize that his usual daily naps are being interrupted.

Track Concerning Behavior

Track concerning behaviors on a calendar. Signs of struggle are easy to miss, especially when we have so much going on in our own lives. Track your child’s daily behavior on a calendar (without them knowing that you’re watching). For the next week, note the specific time and place of the concerning new behavior (the tantrum, fear, clingier behavior). The process can help us see a pattern for a troubling new behavior that can be missed.

Make Positive Changes

Make positive changes to help your child struggle less and shine more. For instance, contact the teacher for suggestions on how to help them with their math. Or alter your schedule so that your child gets those daily naps.

Share Feelings

Give permission to share feelings. Getting kids to open up and share why they’re struggling is not easy. In fact, teens tell me one reason they don’t talk about their pain is that they don’t want to disappoint or hurt us. So, give permission for kids to share their feelings and hurt. You might tell them, “It’s okay to feel afraid.” Or, “Thanks for telling me you are hurting.”

Validate Sadness

Acknowledge the pain; validate sadness. Don’t try to talk your child out of their fear, sadness, or worries. They are real to the child, and many are grieving for lost milestones. Validate their grief. “I’m so sorry you’re sad.” “I’m here for you.” “It must be painful…(to lose the scholarship, prom, graduation).” Listen, be present, but don’t lecture.

Offer Reassurance

Lean in and offer calm, repeated reassurance. In order for every child to thrive, they have the basic need to feel safe and accepted. Children and teens say that these type of messages are best at assuring them and help:

  • “I’m not going anywhere.”

  • “I’m here for you. How can I help?”

  • “I’ll be back and keep checking.”

  • “Let’s think what we can do to make you feel safer.”

  • “Remember, I love you and am always here for you.”

  • “You’re safe now.”

  • “It will be okay.”

  • “We’ll get through this.”

If you can’t think of what to say, kids say that just being there, rubbing their back with your calm presence can do wonders. Sometimes a direct, calmly delivered question works: “You don’t seem like yourself. Are you depressed? Sad??” Or just leave a caring note on your child’s pillow every day to provide reassurance. “I’m here for you” is the key message you want to convey. Don’t assume if your child doesn’t ask for help that he doesn’t need you. Be there!

Create a Support Network

Identify champions your child can turn to. A few examples might be: “There are people who care about you.” “Here’s where you can reach me at any time.” “What will be our private signal if you need me?” “Let’s name people you can count on to help.” (like the pediatrician, school counselor, Great Aunt Sally). You can also provide your child with phone numbers and times they can be reached if you’re not there.

Help Build Connections

Help your child build connections to combat loneliness. Physical distancing has reduced the face-to-face support systems that are so necessary for mental health, and research shows that kids are now suffering due to isolation. Teens and young adults are far more likely to be lonely as well as suffer from anxiety and depression. Loneliness and depression can be a toxic combination, especially during physical distancing. In fact, a recent Harvard study revealed that 43 percent of young adults reported increases in loneliness since the outbreak of the pandemic. An alarming 61 percent of young people aged 18-25 are suffering miserable degrees of loneliness.

Combat Loneliness

To combat loneliness, find creative ways to help your child connect with friends such as setting up regular virtual playdates, book clubs, exercise or yoga groups, study partners, or explore hobbies with a friend. Encourage digital use as a way for your child to reach friends face-to-face (such as through Skype, FaceTime, Zoom). But be sure to set limits on screen time if the activity is not “with” another person.

Reduce Risks

Reduce potential risks. Keep a watchful eye on your teen—even if he seems to be doing well. Lock up liquor and prescription drugs, and monitor your mail and car keys. Beware that some kids order online prescription drugs to reduce anxiety using their parents’ credit card.

Take care of your own emotional needs too. It’s hard to be calm when you know your child is hurting, so take care of yourself so you can take care of your child. To avoid arguments, create a family “calm down” signal such as holding your hand straight out like an umpire to mean “I need space.” And then refuse to engage until you and your child are calm.

Don’t Hesitate to Seek Help

NEVER hesitate to seek help if your gut tells you it’s needed. If you see a disturbing new trend in your child’s behavior, find out what is causing the change by seeking help from a trained mental health professional, counselor, pediatrician, psychiatrist, or psychologist. And remember that safety is always your top concern, so take immediate action if your child discusses plans of self-harm or your instincts tell you that something is wrong. Contact the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255 for support and assistance from a trained counselor. (You might want to post the number so you and your child can easily find it.) If there is an immediate danger, take your child to the emergency room or call 911.

All of these actions are part and parcel of building resilience in your child. And there’s no better time to teach the resilience that leads to thriving than when life is tough.

 Thrivers are made, not born. Parents can learn what it takes to help kids thrive, and they can put those actions into practice daily. Don’t underestimate the difference you can make in your child’s life, now and in the future. The single greatest commonality in children who thrive during adversity is a caring adult who refuses to give up on that child.

—Michele Borba, Ed.D., author of Thrivers: The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine, is an internationally renowned educational psychologist and an expert in parenting, bullying, and character development. 

Photo: engin akyurt on Unsplash

 

Michele Borba, Ed.D., is the author of Thrivers: The Surprising Reasons Why Some Kids Struggle and Others Shine and UnSelfie: Why Empathetic Kids Succeed in Our All-About-Me World, and is an internationally renowned educational psychologist and an expert in parenting, bullying, and character development. For more information, please visit micheleborba.com.

 

It’s been a time, hasn’t it? So much change, confusion, fear, isolation, loss, grief. Adults are exhausted—and while people take it on faith that “Children are resilient,” it’s actually not that simple. According to the CDC and the American Psychological Association, self-harm, depression and anxiety, and ER visits for mental health issues are all on the rise in children as young as six. Younger children are experiencing outbursts and regressive behaviors.

Fortunately, resilience skills can be learned and grow over a lifetime—and it’s never too early to start teaching! (In fact, we adults may even learn something in the process.)

Research shows that children who are resilient benefit from improved mental and emotional well-being and experience less stress. They are curious, courageous, and trust their own instincts. Resilience helps kids stay calm, learn from their mistakes, and remain optimistic. In short, resilience helps kids not just bounce back from adversity, but bounce forward, better than before.

So how do we teach young children to be resilient? Start with these 5 tips:

1. It only takes one loving grownup to make a difference—be that grownup.
You’re open to conversation with your child, and you listen without judgment. You reassure your child that all feelings are okay (even those outsized feelings that are so difficult for grownups to deal with!); it’s what you do with those feelings that counts. When you provide a loving, safe space for a child, this gives them a head start on resilience.

2. Model the resilient behavior you want your child to learn.
Children sometimes find this hard to believe, but let them know that you, too, make mistakes all the time! And when you do, you take a deep breath and try again. Let them see you remaining calm in a stressful or emotional situation—and talk about how you find productive solutions. Encourage them to ask questions and give them age-appropriate answers. Getting honest answers in a loving environment can help a child feel less helpless or scared.

3. Help children identify their feelings—and demonstrate strategies that put them in charge of their emotions.
Sometimes young children seem like a volcano of emotions: roiling and out of control. It can feel like that to them, too! Help them put names to these big feelings: anger, frustration, sadness, disappointment, fear; even excitement or unbridled joy can sometimes go overboard! Use pictures in kids’ books to help them recognize facial expressions and body language that signal different emotions. Recognizing and labeling their own emotions and those of others is a key step toward developing empathy, which is critical for socialization.

Now teach them strategies for managing big emotions—let them know that they’re in charge and they can control their feelings! Take slow, deep breaths. Count to 10. Use positive self-talk in stressful situations: “I’m feeling calm,” or “I’m brave, I’m BRAVE!” Finally, if they’re feeling upset or afraid about terrible world events, teach them to “Look for the helpers”—every situation brings out the good people who want to help make it better.

4. Foster kids’ ability to solve problems for themselves.
There may be no better gift you can give a child than to offer a few problem-solving tips and then step back and let them figure out their own solutions. First, think positively: “I can do this!” Then, try breaking the problem into smaller, more manageable chunks. Have to tidy up a messy bedroom? Don’t try to tackle it all at once; first, put the clothes away, then the toys, then the books. Each completed mini-task creates a sense of accomplishment. Think about one good thing you’re learning from this problem (“I left my lunch at home today, but I won’t do that again: I’ll put up a sticky note tomorrow”). And remember: You can always ask for help if you need it!

5. Finally, encourage children to set goals for the future—and identify the steps it will take to get there.
Having a dream or an ambition is an important way for a child to learn to be resilient. By keeping their “eyes on the prize,” they can pick themselves up after stumbling because they have something to work toward and look forward to. Do they want to learn a new sport, improve existing skills, be a good artist, learn all about dinosaurs? Let them know they have the power to make that happen! Explain that each goal requires a series of smaller steps—just as when you read a book, you read one page at a time. Help them write down their goal and the steps they’re going to take to achieve it (take lessons, practice, take out books from the library). It will give them something positive to strive for.

Children have been through a lot these past couple of years—and they may not even realize how resilient they’ve already been. A great way to illustrate the power of resilience is to have them write or draw “The Story of Me”: telling the story of a hard time they endured and how they got through it.

This way, children can see their resilience in action, and know that they have the strength to get through any future challenges!

For additional helpful resources, please visit themoodsters.com

Image: courtesy of Moodsters

—Denise Daniels newest workbook, Bounce Forward With The Moodsters: A Guide for Kids on Finding Your Strong, Resilient Self (2021) features age-appropriate guidance and engaging interactive exercises to help preschoolers identify their own strengths and develop resilience as they prepare for a school year like no other.

 

Denise Daniels,RN, MS and creator of the groundbreaking children’s brand The Moodsters is a Peabody award-winning journalist, author, and parenting and child-development expert dedicated to putting young children on the path to positive mental health. She created The Moodsters—five quirky little feelings detectives who solve the mysteries of emotions. 

No matter how much you don’t want it to be, divorce is tough on kids. But having an open dialogue with children about the divorce process and how that can affect them helps to normalize their fears and frustrations. Whether it’s taking kids step-by-step through what happens or introducing characters that are relatable, these 12 books tackle divorce in ways that are compassionate and realistic.

If you buy something from the links in this article, we may earn affiliate commission or compensation.

 


What Happens When Parents Get Divorced?

$9.99 BUY NOW

Mom and author Sara Olsher wrote the book she wished she could have given her own daughter while they navigated her own divorce. Written with clear words and bright illustrations, this book shows kids that even though divorce is scary, it is something lots of families get through.

 


Weekends with Max and His Dad

$7 BUY NOW

It’s kinda weird for Max to go to an apartment where his dad now lives, and Max isn’t shy about letting his dad know. Told from the point of view of a kid whose parents have divorced, Max it’s an honest exploration of the emotions and challenges of day-to-day life after a divorce. Max makes some new friends and starts to think the apartment might not be so bad after all. Written by Linda Urban. Ages: 7-9

 


Roadtrip with Max and His Mom

$13 BUY NOW

Max and his mom are about to go on a road trip, but Max isn’t excited for it like he usually is. Because usually, his dad comes too. This adventurous book, a follow-up to Linda Urban’s Weekends with Max and His Dad, tackles the emotions a kid can feel after a divorce—like how something like a family vacation can seem less than thrilling when you are missing someone. Ages: 7-9


A Kids Book About Divorce

$19.95 BUY NOW

A Kids Book About series tackles tough topics and puts them into books designed to help normalize discussions around things like anxiety, depression, and divorce. Divorce is tough on the parents, yes, but it can be extra tricky to navigate with the kids. Written by a parent, Ashley Simpo, who has been there, this book is meant to spark an honest discussion about the topic. Ages 3 and up.


Fox: Family Change from Slumberkins

$45 BUY NOW

This plush animal and book set from Slumberkins is designed to support children through any kind of family change, divorce included. Help your littlest ones navigate big feelings as your family navigates change—Fox will help remind them it is not their fault, they are safe, loved, and their feelings are normal. Ages: 3-8


Dinosaurs Divorce

$9 BUY NOW

First published over 25 years ago, this innovative book has helped generations of families learn to talk about and navigate divorce. It’s a comprehensive guide in a language parents and kids can both understand, and tackles topics like having two homes, living with one parent, holidays and special occasions, stepfamilies, and more. Ages: 4-7


Two Homes

$7 BUY NOW

Claire Masurel’s little book is simple but incredibly impactful as it takes on a topic that can be very confusing to children during a divorce—living arrangements. The artwork by Kady McDonald Denton helps illustrate both the differences when Alex is at Mommy’s house and Daddy’s house, but also the similarities—in both homes Alex is loved and safe. Ages: 2-5


Divorce Is Not the End of the World: Zoe's and Evan's Coping Guide for Kids

$10 BUY NOW

Written by brother and sister Zoe and Evan Stern, with a little help from their mom, Evelyn Stern, this is a first-hand account and coping guide for kids, by kids. Zoe and Evan know just how it feels when parents divorce—theirs split up when they were 15 and 13. They’ve created a positive guide for kids to explore and acknowledge the feelings that come up: guilt, anger, fear, new rules in new homes, blended families, and more. Ages: 8-12

 


Bigger Than a Bread Box

$8 BUY NOW

Twelve-year-old Rebecca’s life has changed pretty quickly, almost overnight. Her parents have separated and they’ve moved suddenly to live in Atlanta with Rebecca’s grandma. In Gran’s attic, Rebecca discovers a magic bread box, and it seems to help...at first. Rebecca can get anything she wishes for, as long as it fits inside the box. But soon she discovers the consequences to her wishes, and they aren’t all good. An interesting way to view divorce and the feelings kids have along with it. Ages: 8-12


Big & Little Questions (According to Wren Jo Byrd)

$10 BUY NOW

Nine-year-old Wren Jo Byrd’s parents separated over the summer, and now she’s starting a new school year. Wren does not want anyone to know, not even her best friend, Amber. But as the year progresses and a new girl enters the scene who wants to be friends with Wren, Wren struggles to keep her secrets—her dad lives somewhere else now, and things are not the same at her home with her mom. It’s a book about divorce, yes, but also about friendship, and trusting others with things we think should be kept secret. Ages: 7-9


The First Rule of Punk

$8 BUY NOW

What’s the first rule of punk? Be yourself. On the first day of a new school, twelve-year-old Malú (María Luisa, if you want to annoy her) doesn’t exactly have a smooth day: she violates the school’s dress code with her punk rock look and upsets Posada Middle School’s queen bee. But her dad, who now lives far away because her parents have divorced, reminds her, things get better if she just remembers what being punk really is. This awesome book by Celia C. Perez gives kids encouragement to be themselves and be strong even when there are big changes at home. Ages: 10-12


The Divorce Express

$9 BUY NOW

Many divorce books show kids living primarily with mom and spending time with dad on weekends, but that is not always the arrangement—and it’s not the arrangement in Paula Danziger’s book. Phoebe’s parents are divorced and now she’s living with her dad in the country, and taking the bus into the city on weekends to be with mom. Phoebe isn’t happy about it, but she’s getting used to it until her mom announces she’s getting remarried and everything changes again. Ages: 10 and up

—Amber Guetebier
Featured image courtesy of Slumberkins

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