Having built a toy company over three decades with my best friend and husband, Doug, and experiencing the joy of unleashing the imaginations of children through open-ended play, most would think that my life was all fun and games. After all, we had achieved the very definition of “The American Dream” with every shiny bauble to show for it. And along the way, Doug and I also created six beautiful children who were the very essence of the boisterous family I had always imagined. I had absolutely no reason to be unhappy, I truly had it all.

But the truth was, that for as long as I could remember, I suffered a crisis of meaning that I learned to hide from the world. This sense of futility was so overwhelming, that the only way I could survive was by disassociating from all feelings and denying who I was. And since I would never fit in as myself, I turned to validation through achieving academic perfection to attain the acceptance I so deeply craved. I became who I thought the world wanted me to be to the point where I didn’t even know who I truly was.

As I reached middle age, I finally learned that my lifelong anguish had a name: existential depression. And furthermore, those experiencing existential depression were often highly creative and had intense levels of reactivity in their central nervous systems called over-excitabilities. And this realization was life-changing, because for the first time in my life, I saw I wasn’t alone and there were actually others just like me. I knew that the only way I would access peace was to stop racing outside myself for answers and embark on a journey inward to self-acceptance. That journey was so profound and revelatory, that I knew my purpose was to help others find their pathways out of despair in transforming darkness into light. Here are some of the steps that brought me to writing my memoir LifeLines: An Inspirational Journey from Profound Darkness to Radiant Light, and creating our LifeLines ecosystem to offer community and impactful content to others!

1. Embrace Yourself in Totality
Society tells us to dry our tears and “be strong.” But when we do, we are denying who we are and what we feel. And that prevents us from living authentically.  Once we come to see that this facade we adopt ultimately leaves us bereft and bitter, we begin to shed that pretension and access the space necessary to truly grow.

2. Accept That We All Need Lifelines
Once I completed my journey and accepted myself in totality, I realized that every day wouldn’t be an easy ride. In fact, many days would be on the dark side of the emotional spectrum! I, therefore, needed a practice to keep me “safe and sane” when I began to plunge below the line of equanimity.

3. Lifelines Are Essential in Three Different Areas
My personal practice of engaging LifeLines involved three distinct areas: self-care, tools, and passions/play. Self-care LifeLines involve the deliberate intention to take care of our minds and bodies. These may seem obvious to many, but for me required making a choice every single day to stay strong. They include eating nourishing food, sleeping 7 hours a night, and exercising in nature. Tools for me include reciting mantras, going to therapy, being mindful in everything I do, and offering myself compassion when my head starts to berate me. The activities and hobbies that bring us joy are the essence of life and move us squarely into our hearts. For me they include writing verses, crafting, photographing nature, listening to music, and drinking tea.

4. Engage in a Deliberate Practice 
Just like a diabetic takes insulin to remain healthy, I must also commit to engaging my LifeLines each and every day to remain steadfast. And that means EVERY SINGLE DAY. If we don’t have our practice fully honed during our more contented times, then it won’t be routine when the journey becomes arduous. A practice MUST be practiced no matter the weather, your mood or your circumstances.

5. Find a Community That Supports You
We created LifeLines.com to build a community showing others that “they are not alone.” When we construct a supportive structure around us, we are better able to shine our light and live authentically. We learn from others’ experiences, embrace our uniqueness, and develop the tenacity to keep forging ahead when life throws us curveballs. The community we have forged has already become a lifeline to so many, including me. I am so grateful to have discovered no higher purpose than supporting others to channel their darkness into light and find meaning. And the more our community can help others heal themselves and share their truth, then the more they will do the same for others and make this world a more loving place.

 

Melissa Bernstein, Co-Founder of Melissa & Doug Toys and mother of six, shared her lifelong battle with existential depression and anxiety in her memoir, LifeLines. She and her husband Doug have developed LifeLines.com, a digital ecosystem to support others on their own inward journeys. Melissa lives in Connecticut with Doug and their children. 

Summer is not over ‘til it’s over, baby.

Right now is about the time when you have started to be inundated with advertisements and articles about back to school. And almost every kid cringes when they hear the words, “back to school.” With this reminder glaring at us in almost every direction, part of you might be a little relieved that you don’t have to keep entertaining kids! 

If these last weeks of summer seem to be dragging on as the boredom has struck (and when it strikes, it strikes hard!), here’s a little list to give you some oomph before kids get on the school bus.  

1. Book a last-minute camping trip.  

What a great way to enjoy the outdoors! Plan a short weekend getaway to a campsite to jam in some extra fun summer memories. Here are some of the things you’ll need. Don’t stress! Enjoy a sporadic trip to the good outdoors. 

2. It’s not too late for a bonfire. 

What kid doesn’t love roasting marshmallows or making s’ mores? Would you dare try to mix up the delicious perfection of the s’ more? Here’s a list of 15 OTHER ways to create delicious s’mores. Go ahead and give them a try! 

3. Make an outdoor movie theatre.

Because nothing says summer entertainment like “an outdoor movie.” Butter-up some popcorn, fill a cooler, bring out your TV,  extension cord, DVD player, blankets, a comfy blanket (the more the merrier!), and some family and friends. 

4. Plan a last-minute party. 

If you’re feeling like you just haven’t been able to see everyone, and your kids, too, then don’t despair and plan a party. Take a minute and plug a date into your calendar to invite some friends over. If you want to impress your guests, plan a refreshing mocktail, and some easy-apps.

Hopefully, with some proper encouragement and inspiration, you can pack the rest of your summer days with memories and kick boredom goodbye! Summers are short with our kids, and it’s easy to spend the latter days of summer longing for school to start. But why not create all the memories we possibly can?

Hi, I'm Deanna. Mom and step-parent and I'm dedicated to positively contributing to the parenting community! 

mom and baby

Photo: Adventures in Autism with Murphy

I’m Shannon and this is how autism helped me find myself. My true self. I’m the proudest boy mom to the two most amazing boys. One of those boys was diagnosed with autism two years ago and completely changed everything I thought I knew about myself and autism.

The day our “Adventure in Autism” started was the darkest day of my life. I felt like I was being forced to go on a journey I didn’t want to go on. I did everything I could to keep from boarding that plane. I tried for the longest to keep that plane from taking off. I just knew this flight we were reluctantly on was headed to crash and burn. I feared the label, autism, more than anything I had ever feared before. I had feelings of shame. Despair. Loneliness. I talked about autism only when I had to. I never openly told anyone my son was autistic unless they asked. I thought that with enough therapy we would cure autism right away. It would be gone as quickly as it had appeared. No one would ever have to know. I cried at the sight of puzzle pieces and I only acknowledged autism during the month of April.

Through all the resistance our journey continued. Day after day. Month after month. Autism was still there, but so was my son. The son I knew before the diagnosis. The son I had fell so in love with since the first days our eyes met. I started to see that autism had always been there, even in the moments that I had put my blinders on. I quickly came to the realization to not love and accept autism was to not love or accept my son.

Day after day, I started to open up little by little. But I was still very guarded. See autism can be a very controversial and confusing world to an outsider like myself. I never thought our hard was “hard enough” and I didn’t think we were worthy. My son was diagnosed with Level 1.High functioning. He could talk. He played with other kids. He made progress. Everyone I associated with autism had it so much worse than us. I didn’t want to seem ungrateful. I didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I didn’t want to offend anyone. Puzzle piece or infinity symbol? My son has autism or is an autistic? High functioning? Labels? Was I suppose to celebrate the month of April? Was I a bad parent because I worshipped ABA and all the therapies? I kept quiet. I talked about the good things about autism. My new perspective. My journey to acceptance. The progress my son made. The beauty that this journey had shown me thus far. Every time I got the urge to speak about our hard, I shoved it down. I buried it. I continued to show the Disney side of autism. That’s what people wanted to hear about right? People didn’t want to hear the negative. And then my son regressed.

I watched everything we had worked so hard for the past year disappear slowly. I tried to grasp and hold on to our world as I watched it fall apart. I had found myself once again in a dark place on this journey. Except this darkness was different. This darkness was darker than any black hole. Lonelier than any feeling of isolation I had experienced previously. The presence of even the smallest glimmer of light was absent. The sheer hopelessness of our new reality engulfed me. And so I got mad. Mad at this journey. Mad once again at autism. Or so I thought.

I quickly realized it wasn’t autism that the source of my anger was me. It was me. I was so very angry with myself. I realized that I had created my current reality. I was the one who stayed quiet. I was the one who didn’t think our story was worthy. I was the one that stayed submissive about our journey. I sadly realized that the current reality I found myself in, darkness, loneliness, and isolation, could be my son’s forever reality if the world stayed the way it was.

And so I started talking. I started sharing our worthy story. I started talking about the hard. I started processing my feelings through writing. Our world was still very hard. Sharing our story didn’t have any change that. But I started to notice that I was less and less alone. People willingly boarded the plane with us and joined our adventure. That darkness that I talked about earlier, I started that see a glimmer of light way off in the distance. I finally started to feel our story was worthy. I finally felt we were seen. Seen by my parents. Family. Friends. Other moms. Special needs moms. Moms that had a hard way harder than ours. I started to see that people saw my son in a different light. They saw his challenges, his victories. They were able to celebrate with us! That beautiful perspective autism had shown me early in our journey, I had selfishly kept that to myself.

Now that I was sharing our truth, others were able to see the beauty of this journey through our hard. They were able to join us on our adventure. They wanted to join us on this journey. And so I continued talking. And now a day hasn’t gone by where I don’t talk about our journey. I use to not be able to say the word autism. It was too painful. But what no one told me on that dark day two years ago is how this adventure would not only be an adventure about my son, it would be an adventure that would lead me to myself. My true self. Someone who isn’t ashamed anymore. Someone who speaks up for those that are different so they never have to feel less. Someone who knows the worth of her son and what he deserves. Someone not afraid to share and talk about the hard. Because it’s in the hard, that I truly found myself. My entire life was changed two years ago by one word. But it’s the best change that could have happened to me. It’s a change that I needed in the worst way. It’s a change that more people in this world today need. And for that reason, I will continue to talk and share. I won’t keep quiet. Because it’s the ones that are the most resistant on this journey that need that change the most.

This post originally appeared on Adventures in Autism with Murphy.

Shannon is a proud boy mom, Hairstylist, and passionate Autism Advocate. She lives in New Orleans, Louisiana with her two sons Murphy (5) and Merrick (2).  Murphy was diagnosed with Autism at the age of 3. Follow her family as they journey through Autism together on Adventures in Autism with Murphy Facebook and Instagram page. 

This past year has been the hardest yet for our family of three. No secret to the masses, this worldwide pandemic has been an intense, devastating wave. It has caused stress (like for millions of others) financially, as we rely on just one income. It has caused anxiety, and frustration and the feeling of loneliness. The feeling of being trapped and secluded. And it has caused the world death, and despair and heartache. We all know someone who has been affected, in one fashion or another.

But when you think of who has been hit the hardest, for many, special needs children are nowhere on that radar. I feel it impossible to describe the emotion behind watching your child be seemingly forgotten. Day in and day out in the last ten plus months, I have watched my child slowly regress. Autism winning, taking hold of his world, and ours, with no way to stop it. This grows apparent with every skill that has been lost and had to be relearned from previous years; things like simply staying seated, or throwing things away properly.

We have seen more compulsive behaviors like hoarding and hiding items (of no known rhyme or reason) under beds, and couches, and in drawers. We’ve witnessed it in sleep, as Beckett seems to need/get fewer and fewer hours of rest in, with each month that passes. We see this in every meltdown induced by simply having to leave our home (for any reason). Many days, Beckett does not want to be away from his safe space. His bubble. And every red light, every turn, every stop causes a tense meltdown.

And on that same token, visitors, family, they are no longer “welcomed” in our home with his sweet smile and overjoyed personality. But rather, with tears, and frustration, and hands leading them back to the front door, in an attempt to get them to leave. It’s evident in meals, as Beckett’s food list grows smaller yet, though we have tried hard to push new things. There is just too much “new” occurring for him in the day-to-day. And all the while, I still have to keep up that same previous, consistent fight, for him to be truly seen.

There are no specific protocols put in place for children like mine, on the spectrum, and with various other special needs. There is no change made just for them, to keep them excelling, or even just to keep them from backpedaling. Nothing to keep them grounded, in a world turned upside down. Where is their assistance when schools and centers close their doors? Where are they to put their trust, when instructors leave them to their devices, to attempt to learn “like everyone else”?

My son’s mind craves stability and schedules. His body needs consistency and routine. While all the world is going on to “Plan B” with online educating, and rotating schedules, children just like mine are forgotten in the shadows. Forced to magically transform, or “sit tight” and ride out the storm. How is my son to survive a world in crisis, implementing the very structures that push every “fight or flight” mode in his body?

With all my might, I will push to be the brightest beaming lighthouse he needs, to navigate this life, but I am just one light in this dark, wide ocean.

This post originally appeared on To Infinity & Beyond Words.

BriAnna is a stay-at-home mom to her Disney loving, son Beckett (5), and wife to her Navy  Veteran husband, Cameron. Beckett is Autistic and non-verbal, so BriAnna created her page, "To Infinity & Beyond Words" to shine a light of love on their world of special needs. Their family of three call Nebraska home, and call themselves blessed. 

“It’s not fair!” my son cried, giant wet tears rolling down his sunburned cheeks. “Why does she get to play with a friend, and I don’t?” This, a repeating question about his ten-year-old sister. Body sprawled out, half on the sidewalk, half on the driveway, he clenched rocks in his little fists, threatening to hurl them to the concrete to prove or punish. I plopped next to him, crisscross applesauce on the hard ground. I wrapped both palms around his face and wiped the tears, felt the corners of my mouth tug when he lay completely flat like a puddle wailing loud cries from his wide o-shaped mouth straight into the sky with wild abandon.

Pulling him on my lap, he let me fold him into a hug like a wrinkled Kleenex into a pocket. I tried to reason with him, explain that his sister happened to have a friend down the street who could play outside and socially distanced at that very moment. My son’s one sweet friend, whom he had already stalked three times that day, just wasn’t home. The cruelty of it, nonsensical to my youngest boy woven solely of humor and heart, gouged him. The world proves a broken place when a pandemic sweeps through it, canceling everything. When you have to limit your interactions, and even then, be so careful not to get too close to stay safe from the virus, and keep others safe in case you have it and don’t know yet. For a five-year-old, that’s hard to understand when all you know is that you’re lonely and your one designated friend is busy.

After validating and empathizing the sadness and pain emoting massively from the tiny body draped over my legs, I dug deep into my repertoire of redirections and distractions. I offered to play a game, play playdoh, get out some toys, do a puzzle, take the dog for a walk, everything we’ve already done a million times over the last five months.

“No!” he bawled, still beside himself, staring heartbroken into the sky.

I could viscerally feel his pain, knowing how lonely I, too, have felt lately. How much I miss my friends. My moms-group meetings, book club, bible study, monthly ladies’ dinners, coffee dates full of deep conversation, and connection. I miss dates with my husband, parties, plays, concerts. I miss restaurants, birthdays, family gatherings. If I could curl up into a ball and scream at the vast emptiness of the cornflower blue sky, I would too. But as the mom, I am supposed to be the reasonable one. Someone who understands the big picture, contain my emotions into small bite-size pieces that won’t become too big to swallow. If I allowed the little sugar cube of disappointment, ironically tasting bitter and harsh deep in the pit of my stomach grow fully into its whole self, something more akin to the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would emerge. I would cry all day long and bang my fists screaming and drooling about the unfairness of the pandemic and the stupid coronavirus, about all the ways it has ruined everything. Everything! More sobbing would ensue.

It might feel suitable for a minute, but it’s a dark hole, and I don’t want to live there. Nor do I want to have to crawl back out someday only to look around and wonder who I have become. We must persevere with what we are given, and sadly, without what has been taken from us. We have the choice to do it with hope or with a vengeance. I choose to do it with hope. Pulling the good out of the bad is the only way to move forward from a hard place. Otherwise, I will end up moving in and hanging curtains and family photos in a room of despair.

My son’s despair, like a siren big and loud, showed me the depth of the need we all have for connection. I wanted to sink into all of it right along with him, but then I remembered the one thing in our family that lifts spirits and moves mountains of bad moods into laughter and smiles. The words alone create hope in one’s heart, not unlike that of a lonely child about to find a friend. It’s the hope that something good will come. It’s simple, not complicated, but its ability to fill and calm is astounding. Banana bread. With chocolate chips, of course. Not just savoring a warm slice straight out of the oven is magic, but the baking process itself is cathartic. Mushing the bananas, melting the butter, sliding the buttons on the mixer, watching the powders and liquids churn, the crack of eggshells on glass, sliding into the bowl, sneaking a taste in between each addition of new ingredients. Banana bread is like a balm that heals all wounds, indeed.

Perking his head up from my lap, he turned with wide eyes when he heard the words, “Banana bread?” It took two seconds for him to bolt to the kitchen and pull out the flour and sugar. We finished with the measuring, stirring, and licking of fingers. The bread pans (two loaves, of course, because one disappears too quickly) slid carefully into the oven. We thought only of the taste of banana-like heaven on our tongues and happiness in our belly’s for the next 60 minutes. When the oven timer rang, and the forks plunged in, the sun felt a little brighter, the air a little lighter. If only finding a friend was so easy once in a while. I know that will take time. But for now, banana bread is single-handedly saving the world for one five-year-old boy and one (semi) responsible mom.

Krissy Dieruf is a licensed marriage and family therapist. She lives in Minnesota with her husband and three children, loves to sing and dance around the house and has a soft spot for rebels and crazy hair. 

Recently I was talking to my friend who was struggling with her sons new habit. Screaming at the top of his lungs. What do I do, she asked me? So I suggested squirting him with a water bottle every time he did it. “You mean, like a dog?!?!” We both giggled, as if to concur, we both were completely perplexed. How many times does this happen? Our sweet and charming little children pick up mannerisms, attitudes and behaviors that leave us completely puzzled. On a daily basis I spend about 10-13 minutes wishing that children came with an owners manual. I really do not know how people parented before the Internet. In the past 3 days I have googled, “toddler sleep regression”, “child fearing monster in the toilet”, and my favorite, “How to explain a vagina to a 2 year old.” 

Because Samantha is my first child I am constantly being faced with the wretched realization that I have no idea what the hell I am doing. Every time she talks back, disobeys or challenges me, I have to assess the situation. “Quick, Cat! Whatchu gonna do? Don’t show fear, she smells it.” So I close my eyes, take a deep breath, and think about what Super Nanny would do. Too bad I don’t have a British accent. That woman could discipline a tadpole and it would listen. 

Nevertheless, I do read the parenting books. If you came to my house and glanced at my bookshelf you would think you were at a pediatric therapists office. The books that say consistency is key. The advice that says “let the natural consequence be the punishment.” Or then you get the opposing guidance, “When they rebel, they really just need your love. Grab them and hug them generously.” Is it really any wonder why we sit here on our couches totally confused with all the parenting wisdom we are being hurled? Do I need to ignore Samantha’s tantrum or chase her down the hall for cuddles? 

It is times like these where I am thankful that I have my mother. My mom is a teacher and spent time in child development classrooms learning about behavior, discipline and adolescence. I am often calling her saying, “I did A. B. and C. but its not working, what now?” or “Samantha keeps licking our arms. Is this normal?” After she laughs at all my questions she acknowledges my worries and then gives me some sort of encouragement that goes along the lines of, “You’ll be okay.” I secretly think she loves that I am now feeling all the despair and confusion that I gave her when I was younger. Touché, Grandma! 

Now, let me be clear. I am writing this because 1) I am beginning to realize (and appreciate) that we are ALL baffled on this parenthood puzzle. 2) It needs to be talked about more often. Why are performing like we have all our ducks in a row? And 3) I need some humility and humor to get me through the day. I am on my 6th Oreo and its barely 11am. 

Regardless of how hard children can be, I love being a Mom. I love that she jumps on the couch yelling, “Mom, lets cuddle!” Or when she mimics what I do in order to be just like me. I admire my daughters’ humor, her joy, and the way she can make a stranger smile. I love that she makes me want to be a better Mother, and I hope that I can be that, however, I know that she’ll forgive me if I don’t have it all figured out. She’ll love me regardless. This I know. 

Hi, i'm Cat! We live in Orlando, Florida where my husband works for Mickey Mouse (no, really). We have two kids, Samantha (5) & Preston (2). I suffer from a chronic illness called Short Bowel Syndrome. My ramblings are dedicated to travel adventures, nap time confessions and my medical journey. Cheers!

When Teens Struggle to Learn: Bright Tips for Parents

Middle school and high school years are tough for all teens, but for any who struggle to learn, these school years can be a nightmare both academically and socially. By the time these downtrodden young people hit middle school and high school, they’ve already had several years of learning struggles.

They’ve also had a number of years experiencing frustration, embarrassment, academic defeat and disappointment related to their learning struggles. And if that wasn’t enough, they often have low self-esteem, low or no motivation for learning and feelings of despair. They’ve had too many years of defeat with little or no success.

Students who struggle in school typically have a learning difference. A learning difference doesn’t mean a learning disorder or a learning disability. It simply means that they have a different way of learning academic subjects. Unfairly, many educators and parents have interpreted “different” to be negative or somehow wrong, rather than what it is: different!

Students with learning differences are typically bright and can excel in other academic areas, but struggle or fail with foreign languages, reading, writing and math. The problem most of the time is that schools’ teaching methods and st‌yles aren’t modified to mesh with a teen’s specific learning st‌yle. That’s when they end up struggling so hard to learn.

The stakes are even higher for middle and high school students because of academic and social pressures. After years of academic struggle, teens with learning differences may appear to parents and educators to have a bad attitude or lack motivation. This often isn’t the case.

These are students who haven’t experienced enough academic success to have confidence in learning. They’re unable to experience the joy of learning that their non-struggling peers experience. Homework hassles, negative self-talk, low motivation, withdrawal, back talking, irritability, non-compliance or disobedience are all reflections of years of ongoing struggle and a lack of success. After years of not grasping lessons and content—although they’ve tried their hardest—leaves them feeling defeated. They’ve had too many years of struggle and failure and not enough success and joy to balance it out. Oftentimes, they just give up.

Confidence and joy are to a young person’s positive development as air is to life. This is particularly true for teens with learning differences. The adults in their lives must figure out how teens with learning differences can learn—because they want to learn! They’re just afraid of more struggle, failure or despair.

When the teaching methods used for struggling learners aren’t working for these bright teens, it’s time to change the strategy and figure out how to help them to learn and be successful! Parents of teens with learning differences can help them realize success the BRIGHT™ way:

Build confidence and joy by recognizing that a learning difference is not a disability or a disorder. It’s not the teen’s fault that he or she has a learning difference. As a parent, assure your teen that you know he or she is smart, respected and valued.

Recognize that your teen has a learning difference and let your teen know that you’re okay with it. Recognize your teen’s natural gifts and talents and how to best use them to build learning successes. Together with your teen, recognize learning st‌yles that work best and result in success—and make for a confident and happy learner.

Identify key professionals and educators who can work with you and your teen to build academic, social and emotional success. You may want to seek professional counseling with experts in the area of learning differences. Form a “success team” for your teen that may include parents, teachers, counselors, tutors, therapists and employers who all collaborate together for your teen’s success.

Get your teen involved in activities that allows him or her to explore new learning that feels “safe” and successful. Seek out fun, stimulating and engaging learning opportunities that can tap into your teen’s natural talents and strengths so that he or she can “shine” and experience confidence and joy.

Honor, respect, celebrate and share your teen’s natural gifts and talents so that others can also value and appreciate his or her contributions to activities they’re involved in. Participate in inclusive communities or groups where all teens are encouraged to use their natural gifts for the good of others and who can experience success, confidence and joy.

Teach others about learning differences—what they are and what they’re not. Help others to understand that these young people are bright and talented, but have a different way of learning. Let others know these teens can achieve lifelong success given the right teaching methods and learning opportunities.

All teens with learning differences want the same outcomes as their peers: success, confidence and happiness. Helping them get there leads to confident and happy adults.

Dr. Deborah Ross-Swain & Dr. Elaine Fogel Schneider
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Dr. Deborah Ross-Swain is a licensed speech-language pathologist and CEO of the Swain Center for Listening, Communicating and Learning. Dr. Elaine Fogel Schneider is CEO of TouchTime International. Drs. Swain and Schneider’s new book, Confidence & Joy, provides parents with tools to help children with learning differences realize lifelong success.

Photo: Brian Ainsley Horn

My son Jackson was born with Down syndrome.

He’s been an unbelievable blessing to everyone whose life he touches and he has taught me more about life than any other person on the planet. However, when he was first diagnosed, I did not see it as a blessing… Far from it.

But I soon realized that I couldn’t let it control my life and that I could not only handle it, but use it to improve my life and happiness. My understanding of this concept helped me move from a state of despair to a state where I loved and appreciated the thing I once saw as an unbeatable problem.

So, I did what any rational person would do.

I got a tattoo.

I wanted it to be special and communicate my journey with Jackson. The tattoo tells the story of our journey through the chrysalis of a butterfly (the butterfly is also the international symbol for Down syndrome). Here is what the journey looked like for me.

Stage 1: Despair

This stage is like being wrapped up in a cocoon, wanting to live in total isolation and darkness. Dissociating from the rest of the world completely and preparing yourself for the upcoming changes.

This can range from the death of a loved one, the end of a marriage, being fired from your job, a collapse of a business—or in my case, finding out my newborn son had Down syndrome.

“Despair” is the first stage you go through after being dealt a problem that you can’t fix. You will want to hide from the world and often feel that you are the only person that this has happened to EVER.

Being miserable at this point is totally normal and actually means you have a healthy spirit and mind.

When I was dealing with the news about Jackson, I was at the lowest point in my life by a mile. We’re talking fetal position on the floor sobbing uncontrollably, drinking heavily every night just to be able to fall asleep.

I cried for the thought of what he would have to go through later in life, for the loss of my “perfect” son I had always dreamed about, for my wife losing her “happy every after.” Then on top of all that, there was unbearable guilt for feeling anything but joy over this beautiful and amazing soul that was just brought into the world.

But the “Despair” stage passes and I moved into…

Stage 2: Acceptance

At this stage, you have accepted the “problem” and are starting to emerge like a butterfly from the cocoon.

You are still not free yet, but you start to reenter the world again. But because you aren’t done, you still have to work at clawing your way out of the cocoon.

This would be where you come to terms with the death of a loved one or the end of a marriage, start to build a new business to replace the one you lost, start interviewing for a new job… in my case, simply process that your child will be a little different than what you had initially planned for.

You see, I was able to accept that he had Down syndrome, but I still wasn’t where I wanted to be.

So, I joined the Board of Directors for Houston’s Down Syndrome Association, wrote about Jackson in my second book, blogged about my experiences with him, reached out to the IM community and raised a lot of money for a DS Charity and much more.

I had accepted Jackson’s diagnosis and was ready to take it head on and make it work for me and my family.

The “acceptance” phase is where the hard work takes place. If you don’t put in the work during this phase, you won’t make it to the next phase…

Stage 3: Appreciation

At this stage, you’ve moved past the “problem” and see that it was really a blessing from God all along and far more beautiful that anything you ever imagined—just like a butterfly emerging from a cocoon.

This would be where you are at peace with the death of a loved one and feel nothing but joy because of the time you had with them, start to date again and feel blessed for the person you grew into during the ending of your marriage. You actually cherish the failing of your business or job loss because of what you learned from it.

In my case, I now really see the beauty in Down syndrome. The almond eyes, rounder face, protruding tongue, etc.

I have evolved to a place where I see it completely different than I did before Jackson—and not just with DS anymore, either. It has transformed how I see ALL people.

You may have also noticed a Bible verse on a scroll underneath the butterfly, Jeremiah 1:5: “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you, before you were born I set you apart.” This means that Jackson is not a mistake. No human being is less than any other. They all have a place in the world and something special that sets them apart.

Every person on this planet was at one point a baby being held by someone who loved them as much as I loved my son. He has taught me more deeply than I ever thought possible that all life is precious… every person should be loved and valued.

Things that seem ugly and are totally out of your control will only be that way long-term if you allow them to be. Challenges are what make your life unique and they are your main opportunity to distinguish your life from everyone else’s.

This post originally appeared on Huffington Post.

Doting Dad and Digital Entrepreneur. In my '40s and still think farts are funny.

Even when it seems like you might shop there every other day, we bet you’ve asked yourself at least once or twice, “When is the best day to shop at Target?” Some days you just can’t skip the long lines, but there are totally some days that’ll save you more money than others. So, when’s the best day for your Target run? Answer: It totally depends!

If you’re into saving money (and really, who isn’t?), the duo behind the @targetdoesitagain are Instagrammers who you NEED to follow. Jen Coleman and Laura Wiertzema are full-time IG Target shoppers. These deal-finders dished to TIME, sharing which days Target employees say are the best for finding super-sale prices.

If you’re already thinking about shopping for the holidays, Thursdays are definitely the day to make your Target run when it comes to toys—but check out below how you can save every day of the week.

Mondays: Kids' Clothes

Target

The kids never really stop growing, do they—which means stocking up on kids clothes to keep up with their growth spurts is a must. Instead of paying full price , head to Target on Mondays—at least, according to Coleman and Wiertzema. With Halloween right around the corner, check out Cat & Jack's Halloween collection. Not only is it spooky-cute, it's all under $25! 

Tuesdays: Women's Clothes

Target

If you'd rather spurge on yourself while still saving big, Tuesdays are the day for women's clothing markdowns. What's hot in clothing picks for mamas right now? Target's Vital Voices collection is stylish and makes a statement! 

Reportedly, you can also get pretty rad deals on pet items, too.

Wednesday: Health & Men's

Target

Wednesdays at Target bring you markdowns on health items and men's clothes. Target's new Smartly line has everyday essentials amazingly low prices to keep you stocked up on the regular. Get everything from shaving cream to hand soap—and just about anything in between.

Thursdays: ALL THE TOYS

Antsy Pants

Thursday's price reductions typically include housewares, toys (yay!) and shoes. Like we mentioned above, if you're already starting your holiday shopping, check out 2018's hottest toys, according to Target—and be sure to swing by to pick them out on a Thursday to save the most!

Fridays: Beauty

Suzy Hazelwood via Pexels

Friday is the best day to score cosmetics markdowns at Target. That means you can get your fave makeup at a lower price (cross your fingers that they'll markdown exactly what you love). Whether you need a new concealer to hide those dark circles from a long night up with your baby or a sparkly new eyeshadow for a (rare) night out, this day is all for you. Oh, and you might even score a cute, cool collab—like this sweet Target x Disney beauty line. 

So what happens if you miss one of these markdown days? Don’t despair. Coleman told TIME, “If there’s something you have your eye on and you want to save money, of you can be patient, you can find it.”

Hmm. Patience? We’ll have to see about that.

—Erica Loop

Featured Photo: Courtesy of Target

 

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Busy parents across the land rejoiced at the merging of Amazon and Whole Foods and the perks just keep coming. In addition to the lowering of prices by 46% on just about everything in Whole Foods stores, there are a few more things your Amazon Prime membership will get you in store.

1. Free, two-hour delivery.

Whole Foods Market

If you’re currently lucky enough to live in Austin, Cincinnati, Dallas, Atlanta, San Francisco and Virginia Beach, this service is already at your fingertips. But fear not, the two-hour delivery of natural and organic products from Whole Foods via Prime Now is rolling out across the U.S. in 2018. Oh, and did we mention this delivery if FREE?

2. You can already shop Amazon Fresh.

Whole Foods Market

If you aren't in one of the areas that are already offering Prime Now delivery of Whole Foods products, do not despair. You likely can get same day or next day delivery of hundreds of grocery items from Whole Foods on Amazon Fresh. Just click here to see if delivery is available in your ‘hood. 

3. Additional discounts for Visa card holders.

Whole Foods Market

If you already have an Amazon Prime Rewards Visa from Chase, get thee to a Whole Foods where you will start earning 5% back on every purchase at Whole Foods. So you’ll enjoy all the usual perks AND this one. (Pssst...even customers with the non-Prime version of the card will get 3% back at Whole Foods!).

4. Amazon Prime Lockers in Whole Foods Markets.

Whole Foods Market

Need to swing by Whole Foods for a rotisserie chicken for dinner, but want to grab those sneakers you just Amazon-primed yourself? Well, you’re in luck. Amazon lockers are coming soon to select stores in the Whole Foods chain. Not only can you pick up items, you can also drop off returns there, too.

5. Even more customer rewards.

Whole Foods Market

Coming soon, any Amazon Prime member will be able to earn loyalty rewards as part of Whole Foods’ customer rewards program, just by shopping at Whole Foods. And there will be other discounts and in-store benefits to come for Prime account holders.

Related Stories

Whole Foods Predicts Top Food Trends of 2018

Amazon Go Store Is Fully Automated & a Little Creepy

Amazon Prime Features You Didn’t Know About 

 

Are you stoked about these current and upcoming perks at WFM? Tell us your opinion in a comment below.

—Amber Guetebier