Sad as it is, social hierarchies are established very early on, with popular kids and queen bees starting to assert their dominance in elementary school. These situations are often labeled as “girl drama,” but they can apply to kids of all genders. While your son or daughter might not be directly involved in any bullying that’s going on, it’s important to teach them that sitting back and watching when someone else is being targeted isn’t okay either. But how do we raise kids to have the confidence to stand up for another person, especially when adults sometimes don’t?
Storytelling: Provide your child with lots of stories of children having similar social challenges. This can come from your own experience, from books you read, or stories you hear on the news. These stories are a jumping-off point for discussing whether your child has had similar challenges and what they might do if faced with them in the future.
Language: Teach your child the word “upstander.” Talk about times when you’ve been an upstander and look for opportunities to show what this behavior looks like.
Social network: Help your child develop friendships with other children in their class to widen their social network. It’s not quite as hard to be an upstander when you have friends on your side.
Dealing with a bully means taking away their power and de-escalating the situation. If we provide our children with examples of upstanders before they are faced with a bullying situation, they can see how important it is to rise above bystander status and stand up for someone. Practicing what to do in these situations can make the reaction more innate once they are faced with it in real life.
Today’s generation of kids might be living in a world with AI, self-driving cars, and other things we used to only see on The Jetsons, but whether it’s learning to cook or managing a budget, there are a few essential life skills kids need to learn as they grow. “For years, researchers believed life skills, like empathy and creative thinking, were innate. Today, we know these skills can be taught and practiced,” says Stephanie Malia Krauss, author of Whole Child, Whole Life: 10 Ways to Help Kids, Live, Learn, and Thrive. Most life skills for kids can happen when their stage and situation encourage and enable it. We asked K-12 educators and child development experts to weigh in on when your crew can master life’s major skills.
Life Skills for Kids Ages 0-2
Nobody expects a baby to balance a checkbook. But there are skills that the two and under set should know before they leave this stage.
Clean Up (Everybody Everywhere)
When a child is 18 months old, they want to copy their caregivers. If you sweep the floor, they want to sweep the floor. Aghogho Boccardi, 7-12 grade educator and founder of Hope Like a Mother, started her kids on chores by having them pick up after themselves at mealtimes. “After a meal, they get down from the table and pick all the large chunks of food from the floor.” She makes it a fun game, and afterward, they help Mom with the handheld vacuum. Notably, she only started this activity when the children showed interest in wanting to sweep.
Swim
“Starting at three months old, babies can begin to learn the skills needed to have confidence in the water, such as breath control and the baby back float. From there, children that continue lessons will add to their skillsets as they master new strokes and set new challenges,” says Chris DeJong, five-time U.S. National Champion swimmer, and Founder and President of Big Blue Swim School.
According to the CDC, drowning is the leading cause of death for children aged four and under. The sooner your mini can master this life-saving skill, the better.
Life Skills for Kids Ages 2-4
By 30 months, most minis can follow simple two-step directions. They can also hold something with one hand while using the other to twist and pull. These developmental milestones mean you can introduce your kiddo to a new set of life skills.
Dress Themselves
This is the age when children want to put on and take off their own clothes. Getting up and out of the house takes three times as long, but let them do it. According to Krauss, this is when children start developing fine motor control. Learning to fasten buttons and put on their shoes gives them much-needed practice with skills they can take into learning to write.
Set the Table
We’re not saying you should give your assistant the fine china. But at this age, you can ask your child to put a fork and (plastic) cup next to each plate on the table. Bonus: you won’t have to guess if they wanted the blue or red cup. Meltdown avoided!
Memorize Your Name and Phone Number
If your preschooler can sing the lyrics to their favorite song, they can learn the seven digits of your phone number. Make it a game so they want to play along. Test your little ones at different times of the day so they’ll remember your number even if they are alone and upset.
“Elementary school is a foundational time for children to learn essential social, relational, and learning skills that they will use for the rest of their lives. Through play and projects, kids use, adapt, and strengthen their communication, relationship, and conflict management skills,” says Krauss.
Make Lunch
5-year-olds can learn cooking skills through the ‘cooking kit’ method. “By kindergarten, many children will be able to do the tasks necessary to make their own lunch if they are laid out for them. For example, they could make a peanut butter and jelly sandwich if you put peanut butter, jelly, bread, a butter knife, and a plate out for them. They may not have the executive functioning skills to be fully responsible for making their own lunch, though, and will need a little more development to be able to plan what to pack, pick out the ingredients, and assemble the lunch,” says Letty Rising, K-12 Montessori educator at Montessori Laboratory.
Get Their Own Snack
Everybody wins when your kindergartener can self-serve that after-school munch. Buy adult-approved options. Separate them into single-serve portions. Then leave them in an accessible, designated place, such as a lower cabinet or a drawer in the fridge.
Gather the Laundry
Teach your crew how to use the laundry basket. Realistically, four-year-olds will need you to point at the things that go in the laundry. Kids this age will not remember to empty their pockets. And if your kindergartener is also in charge of cleaning up their room, you will find strange things stuffed in the basket along with their socks. Wash with caution.
It’s definitely easier to do the laundry yourself in the short term. But children who start learning now will be well-equipped to wash their laundry in the middle-elementary years.
Life Skills for Kids Ages 6-8
Until six, most of your kids’ cleaning is heavily supervised and play-based. Rising says, “By the time children reach 6 years of age, they can be responsible for sweeping the floors as part of their chores, and likely also parts of cleaning the bathrooms like wiping down the counter.” This means caregivers can now pass on old chestnuts, such as “You were old enough to make the mess, so you’re old enough to clean it.” Huzzah!
Run the Washing Machine
According to Dr. Ryan Sultan, board-certified child psychiatrist and Research Professor at Columbia University, children can now learn how to operate a washing machine and fold clean laundry. They will still need periodic reminders on how much detergent to use and how to avoid turning everyone’s whites a light pink.
Operate a Microwave Alone
Microwaving a meal is a big deal for the elementary school set. And they can do so much more than warm up yesterday’s dinner or cook a box of mac and cheese. YouTube is full of recipes for microwave-friendly meals. Spend time watching the videos together for added parent and child time. Budding chefs will need to learn basic microwave safety–no metal in the microwave!—before you turn them loose.
Tie Their Shoes
Six-year-olds have the fine motor skills necessary to learn to tie their shoes. But thanks to the magic of Velcro, compressed morning schedules, and schools that insist on slip-on shoes, children are learning this skill later. According to a 2019 survey commissioned by OSGO to coincide with National Feet Week, “3 in 10 children are still unable to tie their shoelaces on leaving primary school.”
The only way kids can master this skill is with a lot of practice. If there’s no time in the morning for them to lace up their shoes, set aside time later in the day. Some children don’t care to practice this skill. If you have a reluctant lacer, dispense small rewards to get them on board.
Life Skills for Kids Ages 8-10
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Your not-so-mini is one of the big kids now. With greater ability comes the opportunity for greater responsibility.
Budget Money
In his book The Opposite of Spoiled, Rob Lieber says that the main point of an allowance is to help “kids learn to save and spend money, a skill they don’t get to practice in many other ways as they grow up.” Learning to delay gratification has a whole host of benefits. According to Lieber, adults who practice self-control as children are more likely to save money and own homes. Lieber’s three-jar method to budget money for saving, spending, and charitable giving is a great place to start.
Many parents discover another upside. Children are much less eager to spend their own money. While minis as young as six can begin to budget, the mid-elementary set has a clearer grasp of time. They will be far more impressed when you say, “If you want that iPhone, you’ll need to save your allowance for six years.”
Practice Online Safety
In a 2019 study from Common Sense Media, 8-12-year-olds spend 31% of their total screen time gaming. And whether they play on a smartphone, a console, or a computer, they can bump into players they don’t know. “One of the first things children need to understand about chatting online is that they could be talking to anyone from anywhere,” advises Philip Wride, Parenting & Education Coach.
“It’s important they know not to share personal information like their name, address, or photos of themselves. The same is true if they play games online–the people they are playing with could potentially be any age. If someone asks for their name, address, or a photo, the child must understand it is a red flag activity and that they should tell an appropriate adult.”
If possible, children should play games and use the internet in a shared space where they can keep an ear and an eye on the activity.
Life Skills for Kids Ages 10-12
“By the end of elementary school, most children can engage in increasingly complex and abstract reasoning and decision making. Academic assignments and learning activities engage them as problem solvers and critical thinkers,” says Stephanie Malia Krauss.
But it’s important to refrain from allowing academic work or sports to crowd out the critical life skills tweens will carry with them into adulthood. If your crew’s time is limited, consider giving them one or two chores and rotating the assignment every week.
Take Out the Trash
Taking the garbage outside isn’t brain surgery. But there are several limiting factors to consider. Is your child strong enough to carry the bag? Are they tall enough to hoist it into the bin? Does your municipality require you to sort your trash into different containers? If the kitchen garbage is too heavy, start your tween off with the recycling.
If your family lives in an apartment with a communal dumpster, your child may need situational awareness to avoid cars in the parking lot. Take your junior janitor with you when you toss the trash and progressively hand over the job.
Make Simple Meals on the Stove
Kids can be taught how to cook on the stove in early elementary school. A tween trained in basic kitchen safety can independently scramble eggs, cook pancakes from a mix, or make a grilled cheese. They will learn best working with you, but more mature tweens can also follow (video or written) recipes. You’ll want to be on hand in case that grilled cheese turns into a flambé.
Life Skills for Kids Ages 12 and Up
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12-year-olds are nowhere near old enough to live independently, but this is a great time to help them hone the skills they will take into adulthood.
Cook Family Dinner
This is when cooking practice can really pay off. Teach your tween how to make a complete dinner, then add them to the weekly cooking rotation. If you don’t have the mental energy or cooking know-how to teach this skill, consider using a service like Hello Fresh or Chef’s Plate. Each meal comes with ingredients and step-by-step instructions. Watching your kid cook while you recover from a long day at work is almost like taking a spa day. Even better, your future college student won’t have to survive on ramen packs for four years.
Balance a Checkbook
“Balancing a checkbook is a complex task that requires an understanding of basic math and financial concepts. Generally, it’s best to wait until children are in middle school before introducing them to this skill. This will help ensure they have the necessary foundational skills required to complete the task effectively. Additionally, provide guidance on how to safely and accurately manage finances, such as avoiding overdrafts and using online banking tools if available,” recommends Kalley Hartman, Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist of Ocean Recovery.
Start your middle schooler off with small steps. First, show them how to keep a running total of their credits and expenses. Then show them how to reconcile their tally against the bank balance. You can use a service like Greenlight or Mydoh or act as the bank by collecting receipts and adding them to a paper ledger two days later.
Perform Basic Home Maintenance
According to Dr. Sultan, most tweens and teens are old enough to learn to change a lightbulb, unclog a drain, and reset the circuit breaker. Parents in the know will tell you that getting your teenager to unclog the toilet themselves is a game changer. And a great way to get them to use less bathroom tissue.
Teaching your kids essential life skills might feel overwhelming, but you’re not in it alone. “Kids can learn life skills anytime, anywhere, and with anyone. Children constantly observe, learn, and practice these skills at home, school, in the community, and in whatever activities they engage in. Like reading, some children will master skills more slowly and others more quickly. What’s most important is providing them with instruction, opportunities to practice, and assistance when they need it,” says Krauss.
You might think “mean girls,” shifting friendships, and popularity contests are a rite of passage reserved for teenagers—but the truth is, this brand of schoolyard drama starts in elementary school.
And it’s not just girls. In fact, according to a study by the University of Illinois, kids of both genders are aware of popularity issues as early as third grade. And while this survey of 12,000 elementary and middle school kids found that 41 to 48 percent of girls reported experiencing relational aggression (teasing, social exclusion, and rumor-spreading), another study actually found that it is boys who use this sort of aggression more.
So get ready, because there will likely be a day when your otherwise confident child will come home from school and tell you something that’ll make your heart sink. And while you may want to swoop in and come to the rescue (or stomp right up to the mean kid himself), experts say parents should navigate this territory carefully.
“The child is looking to us not just to solve the problem, but to know how to feel about the problem,” said Abigail Wald, a parent coach whose nontraditional coaching program, Mother Flipping Awesome, has helped more than 10,000 families, “And if we are thinking, ‘This is the worst thing to ever happen,’ that sets off alarm bells for the child and makes a mountain out of a molehill very quickly.”
And remember: the drama your kids face now can help build the resilience they’ll need later.
“One thing we can do is change our perception of these things and realize that yes they are annoying for us—and sometimes they can feel downright heartbreaking—but essentially these things are really good,” Wald said. “These are good training wheels dramas for everything that our children are going to have to deal with throughout their lives.”
Here are some scenarios to consider:
When a classmate (or friend) is mean
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Before you jump to conclusions, try to help your child see the other side: maybe the “mean kid” felt hurt by something your child said to her. Maybe the child is dealing with something difficult in her own life. Or maybe you just need to teach your child to rise above the conflict. So listen—and ask questions.
“This is a beautiful opportunity for us to help our child learn values and coping skills,” Wald said. “Discuss with the child what choices the other person is making and what that child might be needing, or consider that their friend might be hurt and taking it out in these ways.”
You can also try to role-play future interactions to outfit your child for future encounters. Ask your child to play their part, while you play the part of the friend and play out different scenarios to see what options your child may have to handle the problem.
The advantage to this sort of approach, Wald said, is that even tight-lipped kids may end up showing you a lot more about what’s going on than if you had just asked them, “What happened?”
“We can also discuss whether that is somebody they really want in their life or not,” she added.
If you suspect your child may be the victim of bullying, that’s one of those times when you should definitely get involved—by more than just empathizing. (Here’s how to recognize the emotional and physical signs that your kid is being bullied, according to the National Center Against Bullying.)
Immediately reach out to the school—first your child’s teacher, then the principal—to make them aware of the situation. Most schools have strict anti-bullying policies and should attend to any suspicions immediately and respond to complaints quickly.
“If you sense that your child is having feelings of self-harm or that there is actual bullying going on—physical or emotional—that is truly unsafe, that is a time to step in to engage other adults and figure out what the options are,” Wald said.
When a good friend moves to a different “group”
While your heart might break along with your child’s, you want to resist the urge to “fix it,” just be there with your child’s feelings.
According to Sacramento psychologist Dawn Huebner, parents often rush to make things all better, but this doesn’t help kids—and can even make things worse.
“You do not want to continue to try to set up playdates if it’s clear to you that the friendship isn’t working anymore,” said Huebner, who has written several books, including Outsmarting Worry: An Older Kid’s Guide to Managing Anxiety. “Parents are quick to try to make things OK for them by solving problems or by making it seem like this thing that’s happening isn’t that bad, but when your friend doesn’t want to be your friend anymore, that’s sad. It’s normal to feel sad.”
Consequently, a parent’s first job in this situation is to empathize. Huebner urged parents to think about the sort of support they’d want. For instance, grown-ups don’t like other people solving their problems; most of the time, neither do children.
“The most helpful thing is when another person says, ‘Oh that’s hard. I’m sorry that happened,'” she said. “It’s the same for children.”
When your child isn’t picked for a team/invited to a party
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It’s hard for anyone to feel left out—and there’s nothing a parent can really do to make this feeling go away (at least not right away). But instead of trying to distract your child, experts say parents should simply sit with their children and let them feel all their feelings. Empathize, but don’t solve. This helps build coping skills for the future.
“You don’t want to distract the child to compensate; that’s a mistake,” Huebner said. “You want to start with, ‘That’s hard.’ Because sometimes we don’t have the answers. You can say, ‘I don’t know why your friend didn’t invite you. It’s hard to be left out. You’re just kind of commiserating.”
When your child doesn’t want your advice
The hardest part about watching our kids unravel over a seemingly small drama is resisting the urge to tell them what to do. After all, we may know a quick fix. Why can’t we just give them the directions?
Because, most likely, your kids don’t want your input unless they’ve actually asked you for it. So tread lightly.
“You want to hear them and be compassionate about it, but that’s different than agreeing with them,” Huebner said. “Then you can say something like, ‘Do you want to hear my ideas?’ Or, ‘Do you want some help sorting this out?'”
It’s hard to believe that little one, who used to fit snugly in the crook of your arm, is finally ready for kindergarten… or are they? Maybe you should wait another year? After all, what is the right kindergarten age? Especially since the practice of “redshirting” kids—giving them an extra year before starting kindergarten (making them one of the oldest as opposed to the youngest)—has risen in popularity. But like most trends in the parenting world, it leaves parents wondering if it is a good idea. That’s why we looked at the studies and asked experts to weigh in on what is the right age to start kindergarten. Here’s what we found.
Getting Kids Started in Kindergarten
The preschool years are over and it’s time to start kindergarten. But where do parents start? Where we do with all things—online and by asking other parents. Now is the time to check out your local school’s website or find and join parent Facebook pages or other social media accounts associated with the school. Other suggestions include talking to parents with older kids and asking your preschool teacher about local schools and expectations. There are lots of resources out there for parents with inquiring minds.
Kindergarten First-Year Enrollment
Although kindergarten enrollment varies from state to state, parents can expect to encounter some similar requirements no matter where they live. Here are a few universals:
In most states, kids must turn five years old by a certain date, usually September 1.
Many schools require kids to have certain vaccinations before starting school; check with your district about specific requirements.
Most will ask for proof of residence. A utility bill or other piece of mail works fine.
You may be asked to provide a copy of your child’s birth certificate to enroll.
What Do Kids Learn in Kindergarten?
Although the curriculum varies from district to district across the country, parents can count their kindergartners learning the alphabet, sight words, phonics, and basic sentence structure as part of Language Arts. Math covers basics like number recognition, counting, addition and subtraction, measurement, and basic geometry. Additionally, hands-on activities and play-based learning help kids learn about real-world concepts like weather, plants, and animals. But many would say the most important things kids learn in kindergarten support their social-emotional growth (or soft skills) like building relationships, solving conflicts, and developing empathy and self-awareness.
What is the difference between Transitional Kindergarten (TK) and Transitional to Elementary School (TES)?
Transitional Kindergarten (TK) is a two-year public school program designed for kids who turn 5 between September 2 and December 2 of the school year. It provides an additional year of instruction, focused on developing social-emotional skills, language and literacy, math, and physical development, to support kids who may not be ready for kindergarten.
Transitional to Elementary School (TES) is a program offered by preschools or childcare centers to prepare children for kindergarten. It typically focuses on language and literacy, math, social-emotional development, and basic self-help skills so kids can successfully transition to the academic and social expectations of kindergarten.
Your kid will (probably) be more willing to sit still if given an extra year.
Whether or not your five-year-old will sit still during circle time or stay on task at writing centers (or at home) may depend on their age, since younger children generally have a harder time doing both. Studies have shown that kids are often misdiagnosed with behavior problems in kindergarten when in fact, the behaviors are just a matter of being younger than classmates. And, according to this Stanford University study, children who wait a year to enroll have significantly lower levels of inattention and hyperactivity—with results continuing even at age 11.
Your kid may be misdiagnosed with ADHD if they start too early.
All those wiggles in the classroom may have some unintended consequences for kids regarding the right age to start kindergarten. A 2018 study published in the New England Journal of Medicine found that kids who turned five the month before starting kindergarten were more likely to be diagnosed with ADHD than those who started the month that they turned six. "Our findings suggest the possibility that large numbers of kids are being overdiagnosed and overtreated for ADHD because they happen to be relatively immature compared to their older classmates in the early years of elementary school," said study author Timothy Layton, an assistant professor of health care policy at Harvard Medical School, in this article for Education Week.
An older child will probably have an easier time saying goodbye to you.
Younger kids—especially those who haven’t attended a preschool program—may have a tougher time saying goodbye in the morning (and we all know how hard it is to leave a tearful tot at drop-off). Giving your child more time to become independent may help her let go when it’s time for the school day to start. with the in-home model of learning most schools will use this year, it may be challenging to start a drop-off situation mid-year should children resume in-class learning.
Their fine motor skills will be more developed.
Older kids usually have an easier time with fine motor activities (holding a pencil and using scissors, for instance). Doing these things can help build confidence and make a kid more excited about their accomplishments at school.
They have more time to be kids; you have more time with them.
Waiting to start formal schooling gives kids more time to be kids, to enjoy a more leisurely day, and to play freely (which, studies have suggested may be more valuable than academics for young children). Delaying kindergarten also gives you one more year with your child. If you're lucky enough to be home with your kiddo, you'll be glad you got that time.
An older child may be taller than their classmates; that matters (especially in middle school).
You may not be thinking about the teen years yet, but let’s not forget: A child who is the oldest kid in kindergarten will also be the oldest in her middle school grade—and that’s no small thing, especially when puberty hits.
They may be bored (and consequently misbehave).
This study has suggested that kids who delayed kindergarten were twice as likely to drop out of high school. Researchers think this is because they reach adult age sooner, which is when kids are legally allowed to quit school on their own (most state laws require kids to stay in school until at least age 17).
That extra year may be expensive.
If you’re a working parent, delaying kindergarten means another year of paying for childcare or preschool. And, with the average cost of preschool as high as more than $10,000 per year in some states (according to this study from the Economic Policy Institute), it’s an expensive wait.
They may not find peers on their level (initially).
A year can make a big difference when you’re only still in your first decade of life. This means a calm, more introverted six-year-old may have trouble finding like-minded peers in a kindergarten class full of rowdy five-year-olds.
It may not matter in the long run.
Despite conflicting research and strong opinions on both sides, it is still unclear whether “redshirting” makes any difference in the long run. Some studies even suggest that, whether your child starts school a year early or a year late, it all levels out by the middle school years.
With all that information, you’re probably still wondering: What is the right age to start kindergarten? The answer: Both. It depends on the kid.
“Kids should be with developmental age peers as much as possible since kindergarten builds not just academics but social skills, too,” said Deanna Lapen, a Los Angeles-based school psychologist and former kindergarten teacher. “With that being said, every child is an individual. Parents should think about why they would consider redshirting.”
Lapen said parents should talk with their child’s preschool teacher (if applicable) as well as look at the kindergarten curriculum for whatever school their child might attend. Then ask: “Is the upcoming kindergarten class a place where the child will thrive socially and academically?”
If so, don’t delay. And, as always—trust your instincts.
Every school year, parents reach out to their children’s teachers to inquire about any number of things. Sometimes it’s over a concern over their child’s academic performance or a conflict between students. Other times, these questions for teachers can be a bit more invasive, like when a school parent demands to know why certain things are being taught, like in the recent instance of a small faction of parents getting upset over Michaelangelo’s statue of David being shown in the classroom. But for every one of these situations, there are a slew of other questions that teachers would love to hear from the parents of their students. We asked several current and former teachers what questions they would love to hear from parents, and here’s what they said.
“What are my students’ strengths in your classroom?”
Jessica Matoian, an 8th-grade social science teacher at Sequoia Middle School in the Fresno Unified School District, says she would love to hear this question from parents, along with questions about how they can help develop those strengths outside of the classroom. “I believe in a growth mindset in my classroom. If I can work with parents and guardians on developing their students’ strengths, instead of highlighting their weaknesses, I find students are willing to take ownership of their strengths and build on them on their own,” says Matoian.
“Is my child happy? What lights them up?”
Brooklyn-based Christina Soriano, who taught elementary school art, social and emotional wellness, and Kindergarten summer school from 2006 through 2022, says she never heard any parent ask this, but wishes she had. “These questions are important because they are child-centered and strengths-based. It’s sometimes second nature, or sometimes cultural, that we go straight to how to make a child ‘better’ in a subject. Of course, that is a main point of schooling and learning, but it’s equally important to know what makes a child excited and joyful during the school day,” she says.
“How can I help my child succeed in your classroom?”
Victoria Taylor, a teacher with 20 years of experience and founder of BestCaseParenting, says she appreciates when parents take an interest in their children’s work. “Simply asking about ongoing projects and assignments can be extremely helpful to students and teachers alike. I understand it’s a lot for busy parents to stay on top of everything, but small gestures such as sending in student supplies or helping their child stay organized can make a huge difference,” says Taylor.
The same goes for Christina Collura, a full-time kindergarten teacher, autism advocate, and mother of two. “I am a firm believer every child has strengths (and weaknesses), and building and teaching children based on those strengths are vital to forming and building on a successful learning path,” says Collura.
“What supplies or materials do you need restocked/refilled for the classroom?
Amanda Dexter, who has been teaching middle and high school for eight years in Missouri’s St. Joseph School District says she would like parents to inquire about supplies long after the school year has begun. “At the beginning of the year, classroom supplies are usually fully stocked, but come a few months later and we’ve run out of glue sticks, construction paper, whiteboard markers, Kleenex, disinfecting wipes, pencils, etc. You’d be amazed at how quickly a class can burn through what seems like ample supplies in the beginning,” says Dexter. “Usually it is up to the teacher to restock supplies out of their own pockets.”
“Are there any educational activities or resources you recommend?”
“Parents who ask this question are actively seeking ways to enrich their child’s learning experiences. As a teacher, I can suggest educational apps, websites, books, or hands-on activities that align with the curriculum and support their child’s interests and learning style,” says Donna Paul, a Montessori teacher turned blogger at That’s So Montessori.
“How can I help my child develop independence and life skills?”
This might not be a typical question asked by parents, but Paul, who has over 10 years of in-class Montessori elementary teaching experience, says those who do inquire about this recognize the importance of preparing their children for future success. “I can provide suggestions on age-appropriate tasks, organization strategies, and opportunities for problem-solving that empower children to become self-reliant and confident individuals,” she says.
While supporting a child’s education in the classroom is essential, Paul feels that parents should also look into how they can extend this into their homes. “By asking this question, parents show their commitment to their child’s education and seek guidance on how to extend learning beyond the classroom. As a teacher, I can provide valuable insights, resources, and strategies for creating a supportive learning environment at home,” she adds.
“What can I do to support my child’s social and emotional well-being?”
Nowadays, more parents and teachers are learning about the importance of social-emotional learning on top of academics. “Parents who ask this question demonstrate their understanding of the vital role social and emotional development plays in a child’s overall success. By seeking advice, parents can gain insights into how to foster healthy relationships, resilience, and emotional intelligence in their child’s everyday life,” says Paul.
“Does my child behave at school (and) are they respectful?”
Julie Navitka, a former middle school teacher (from 2008 through 2022) at Robert Andrews School in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada, suggests parents ask this question to gain better insight into their child’s behavior. Why? While teachers will generally inform parents when their students are crossing the line with their behavior, it’s a good idea to check in with teachers to see if there are inklings of problematic behavior that can be addressed early on.
“Does my child get their work finished (and on time?)”
Navitka, who briefly taught high school and has since started blogging at Successfully Sustainable, also recommended this question. Questions for teachers like this can not only help prevent any academic slides but also potentially detect a larger issue if the student is having a lot of difficulty staying focused and completing tasks, such as a learning disability or a cognitive disorder like ADHD.
“Does my child distract others from their learning?”
While parents should always ask questions related to helping their own students, it doesn’t hurt to inquire about how they are ensuring the success of the entire classroom. “Teaching can be extremely stressful, and even though it’s not the only (or biggest) factor, dealing with unsupportive parents plays a role in this stress,” says Navitka. Being proactive in addressing issues like these can make difficult conversations about behavior issues smoother.
“How can I help contribute to the classroom?”
While donating supplies is always helpful, Birney Elementary School teacher Robert Garcia wishes parents would ask how they can help contribute to the classroom in other ways. “It could be volunteering, donating special incentives, or just making a guest appearance,” says the 6th-grade teacher who has taught in Fresno Unified School District for 29 years.
“What skills is my child struggling with that may not be covered in class?”
Eddie Maza, an 11th and 12th-grade English teacher at The Idea School, a private school in New Jersey, says it can often be difficult for teachers to address individual students’ needs at the beginning of the school year. “As a high school English teacher, I encountered students who required assistance with fundamental grammar issues. While I would have liked to provide them with additional support, the nature of teaching a large class made it challenging to offer supplementary content. By asking the teacher about specific areas that need improvement and how to develop those skills, you can create a plan to help your child catch up with the class,” says Maza.
“How can I support my child’s work without completing it for them?
According to Maza, “Parents naturally want to assist their children with school work, but it’s important to ensure that working through challenging assignments, collaborating with peers, and communicating with teachers remains part of the learning experience. Involvement from parents is valuable, but asking this question helps ensure that your efforts to support your child’s education do not deprive them of the essential learning experience.” Alternatively, he says parents can ask, “What are the objectives of this assignment?”
Your child says, “I’m hungry,” and you grab them a snack. They say “I’m bored,” and you find a way to entertain them. But when should the butler treatment end? When is it time to teach your child how to be self-sufficient and let them do things for themselves?
Believe it or not—now is as good a time as any! Your two-year-old can help you do the laundry; your 6-year-old can brush her teeth; and your 10-year-old can hang out alone at home while you walk the dog. And, no matter how desperately they cry, “Watch me!” young kids don’t always need you right there next to them (being just nearby is just fine).
“What you’re really trying to do is get the child to learn how to make decisions and take control over the things they can have control over,” said Dr. Michael Ungar, director of the Resilience Research Center and the author of We Generation: Raising Socially Responsible Kids. “What you really want is a child who can make a contribution to their family, who can navigate their community, who can problem solve.”
We created an age-by-age guide that ranges from letting your toddler help with household chores to giving your tween tech time to help you figure out the right time to give your kids that much-needed independence. Here’s what the experts say.
Things Kids Can Do: Ages 0 to 2
Don’t worry: You won’t need to start nudging your one-year-old out of the nest. According to Los Angeles child psychiatrist Patrick Kelly, it’s the opposite: the stronger the attachment between parents and their babies, the more comfortable those kids will be doing things independently as they grow. That said, there are a few “big kid” things your tiny tot can start learning at this age:
Feeding and Dressing Themselves – According to Los Angeles pediatrician Amin Davari, simple things like allowing older infants to feed themselves age-appropriate foods and letting young children dress themselves give kids “minor struggles and successes” that help them learn how to be self-sufficient and build skills and confidence.
Swim Lessons – The AAP recently changed its guidelines to say that kids should start swimming lessons at age one. Although swim lessons will never make a child “drown proof,” lessons between the ages of one to four years have been shown to reduce drowning risk, according to the AAP.
Sign Language – Just because your baby can’t talk doesn’t mean she’s not trying to tell you something. Advocates say teaching babies and toddlers basic signs (things like “eat,” “more” and “milk”) can increase confidence in both the kids and their caregivers, helping little ones who can’t yet speak get their needs met. Taking a class can mean a fun social outing for Mom or Dad—though you can also learn from home.
Things Kids Can Do: Ages 2 to 4
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At this age, kids are ready—and willing!—to take on some responsibility around the house. You’ll know the time is right when you see them start pretending to do grown-up things, like playing “family” or play-driving the car when they’re in the push car. Take advantage of this need now by giving them:
Simple Household Chores – Give them a broom or a dustpan, and let them help you sweep the kitchen floor. You’d be surprised how willingly kids this age will want to help you clean. If you’re lucky, the habit will continue into their later years. Other simple household chores suitable for two-to three-year-olds, according to The Montessori Notebook are:
Help pack their backpack
Brushing/feeding the dog (just let it go when they make a mess!)
Helping make the bed (at four, kids should be able to at least pull up a duvet by themselves)
Placing clothing in the laundry and pushing the buttons you point to
Solo Playtime – As long as you’ve created a safe space to play, at this age most kids are generally past the swallowing-small-objects phase and can happily play by themselves for 30 to 45 minutes at a time. If your child is reluctant to play alone, just agree to be nearby, but set up toys with which they can play solo.
“Reading” Time – Your child doesn’t need to know how to read to get lost in a world of books. Give kids a stack of picture books and let them have at it. If they want to hear stories read out loud—but you still want them to be on their own—we love the Yoto player, a simple speaker designed for kids ages three and up that allows kids to insert small cards to read popular stories aloud.
Pick What they Wear – Something as simple as choosing their clothes can make a child feel incredibly independent, says Dr. Ungar. “Three-year-olds can’t negotiate their bedtimes, but they can decide to wear green pajamas or blue pajamas. The trick seems to be to find these ways that the child can make a genuine contribution.”
Use a Balance Bike – Kids may not be ready for a two-wheeler at age two… but a balance bike is an easy go-to! “Once a child can confidently walk around the house, they can start walking with a balance bike between their legs,” says Schwinn spokesperson Ryan Berkicht. “This could be as soon as 18 months old for some kids.”
Things Kids Can Do: Ages 4 to 6
Gross motor skills are advancing quickly at this age, too, so your kids should be ready for fun things like climbing on a play structure (without you constantly spotting), and using the “big kid swing” all by themselves. And while these may seem like ordinary childhood milestones, all of these accomplishments help them learn how to be self-sufficient and instill huge amounts of confidence. So cheer your kids on as they:
Brush Their Teeth: While most dentists advise that you keep assisting with their pearly whites until age 7, your kids should know how to brush their teeth all on their teeth by age 5 or 6—with you nearby to make sure there’s actual brushing going on (as opposed to just holding the electric toothbrush in their mouths while the motor revs). A good compromise is to let your kids do the morning brush and you can brush their teeth in the evening.
Use a Microwave with Supervision – Not only does using the microwave buttons help reinforce number recognition, but it also makes kids feel like real big kids. Teach your kids what can and can’t go in the microwave, and let them push the buttons and press “start” all on their own.
Ride a Two-Wheeler – Sure, some kids are ready for a two-wheeler at three years old—and some five-year-olds want nothing to do with a bike—but experts say age 5 or 6 is a good target age for getting a kid on her first two-wheeler. If they’ve been riding a balance bike or a bike with training wheels, they should be able to transition easily.
Have Drop-Off Play Dates – According to the AAP, kids around ages 5 and 6 are developmentally ready to be dropped off for play dates. Got a child who’s nervous about it? It might help to have the playdates at your house, where you can step away—but not out.
Day Camp – Since this is the age when kids start preschool or kindergarten, they’re also usually ready for day camp at this age, too. If your kids don’t seem uber-enthusiastic about camp, try to keep the camp schedule similar to their school schedule (if your child attends a half-day school, for instance, start with a half-day camp).
Things Kids Can Do: Ages 6 to 8
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By this age, kids have started kindergarten and are usually happy to do anything that makes them feel grown-up and competent. So watch them closely for opportunities to teach them how to be self-sufficient—while also keeping them safe (for instance, let them ride a bike up and down your street, but make them wear a helmet). Here are some things kids are ready to do by this age:
Use a peeler to peel raw potatoes, ginger, mangoes, and other washed fruits and vegetables
Break eggs into a bowl (and remember to wash hands afterward)
Scoop out avocados after being sliced in half by an adult
Snap green beans
Shuck corn and rinse before cooking
Rinse and cut parsley or green onions with clean, blunt kitchen scissors
Take a Bath By Themselves – According to this article in the National Library of Medicine, most children can take a bath by themselves (i.e., without you sitting by the tub) by age 6. We recommend parents still stay within earshot and keep baths short enough that kids don’t get tired or rowdy in the bathtub by themselves.
Tie Their Shoes (with you supervising) – By age 6 or 7, most kids have the fine motor skills to attempt this surprisingly complex set of movements, according to Carolina Therapy Connection. You’ll know your child is ready to tie their shoes when they’re able to easily cut paper with scissors, string beads, or button and unbutton buttons.
Use a Computer to Browse the Internet – Experts recommend supervising children’s internet use at this age: If you’re not able to be there watching, you can use a filtering device like the Circle, which lets you dictate what apps and websites kids can and can’t visit online (as well as setting up bedtimes and screen time limits); or try a web filtering program like Microsoft Edge Kids Mode, which keeps your kids from seeing anything inappropriate online and lets you customize their web experience (it also prevents them from exiting the kid-safe browser to explore other apps on the computer).
Things Kids Can Do: Ages 8 to 10
Older kids are ready for adventure! Now’s the time to loosen the reins and let them chart their course a little bit. By this age, your child might be ready to:
Have a Sleepover – Around this age, they may be ready—as long as they can sleep through the night, no problem. That said, before you send your kids to another person’s home for the night, they must understand body boundaries and inappropriate touching. “I do think it’s a great time to start teaching kids about appropriate touches and that we’re the boss of our bodies and we’re the boss of our private parts,” writes child abuse prevention expert Pattie Fitzgerald. She also urged parents to talk to the host parents so they’ll know exactly who will be supervising and whether there will be older kids (such as teenage-aged siblings) or extended family in the home. The answer to these questions may well alter your decision to say “yes,” as parents should have a strong baseline of trust with the hosts.
Note: Some experts believe children (and their parents!) aren’t ready for sleepovers until the age of 10 and up.
Go to Overnight Camp – As long as your child can shower, doesn’t wet the bed, and has shown no problems spending the night at friends’ or relatives’ homes, they’re probably ready for sleepaway camp. While many overnight camps offer programs for kids as young as six or seven, the American Camp Association gives age nine as the target age for kids to start the summer camp journey. Some camps offer one-week “starter” programs for reluctant or nervous campers.
Walk to School by Themselves(Under Certain Conditions) – The AAP says elementary school-aged kids can walk to school by themselves, provided the walk is short, the neighborhood is safe, and there are school crossing guards stationed at any intersections. If there are non-guarded streets or you live in a city, waiting until age 12 is better.
Things Kids Can Do: Ages 10 and Up
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Tweens are all about breaking free and taking risks. Your job is to let them experiment with autonomy while still making sure they’ve got set limits to keep them safe. By age 10, kids can:
Be Left At Home for a Short Time – The laws vary on this, with some states like Oregon and Tennessee giving home-alone privileges to 10-year-olds and states like Colorado and Delaware saying 12 is a better age to start this. This Washington Post article gives state-by-state guidelines on the regulations, but it’s a good idea to check with your state’s Family or Child Services Department to be sure.
In any case, before you leave your kids home alone—even for a short time—it’s important that they know what to do in case of emergency and what your expectations are should unexpected things happen (like someone knocking on the door or a friend stopping by unannounced). The Department of Health and Human Services recommends that parents ask themselves these questions before leaving kids alone:
Is your child physically and mentally able to care for him or herself?
Does your child obey rules and make good decisions?
How does your child respond to unfamiliar or stressful situations?
Does your child feel comfortable or fearful about being home alone?
If you’re leaving for more than an hour, it’s best to wait to take your children. And experts say it’s not a good idea to let kids this age babysit younger children while no parents are home.
For more advice and tips, see this handout from the DHH.
Ride a Bike to School – It’s hard to find any specific laws about kids riding bikes to school, but the American Academy of Pediatrics says that by late elementary school, most kids can safely do this, provided the route is short and the roads safe. Before your child starts riding to school, make sure you practice the route with them (several times!) and go over what to do if unexpected things arise, such as a fall or a flat tire. If it makes you feel better, have your child wear a GPS watch or other tracking device to alert you when she gets to school safely.
Of course, you should always make sure your kids wear a good-fitting helmet and try to enlist a friend to ride along, to ensure both kids get there safely.
This is it. The bridge to the young adult years. Kids in this final stretch to the teens are longing to break free, so the trick is to let them feel independent and learn how to be self-sufficient while encouraging them to make responsible choices. Here are some things they’re ready to do now:
Have Their Own Cell Phone – While many argue that cell phones should wait until high school, middle schoolers can have a phone, provided it is monitored and filtered by the parents. Before you give your child a phone, have them sign a technology agreement that lays out the rules—for instance, no cell phones should be allowed in your child’s room overnight, and your child should know that you will read and monitor her messages. To keep your kids off inappropriate or dangerous apps and sites, use apps and programs like Screentime (for iPhones), Circle, or Securly.
Babysit Younger Children – There are no real legal restrictions for babysitting (except in states that have laws on when kids can be left alone), but the Red Cross doesn’t allow kids to take its babysitting course until age 11. By 12, kids should be able to babysit with a grown-up present in the house (or for short times when a grown-up leaves the house); by 14, they can usually babysit younger children on their own. When it comes to an older sibling watching the younger kids in the house, parents need to ask themselves whether their oldest is mature enough and responsible enough to handle the task. If there are any doubts, skip it.
Be Dropped Off in a Public Place with Friends – As long as your child agrees to stay with the group and you’ve talked about uncomfortable situations (if a stranger talks to them or if other kids are experimenting with drugs or alcohol), most experts agree that by middle school—or around age 13—kids can be dropped off at public place (like a movie theater or mall) for a few hours as long as they are in a group and you are leaving them in a safe location. This depends, of course, on your child’s level of maturity, your city’s crime rate, and whether you trust them to make good decisions.
Note: Check with your state laws before letting your teen go to certain places solo: Some states, such as Minnesota and Delaware, do not permit children under 16 to be in certain malls without adult supervision, according to this article.
Playing video games created for an older audience is a hard pass
Tweens—those changelings who seem to grow in size and maturity seemingly overnight—can be hard to read. Sure, they know how to project confidence and street smarts (thanks, internet), but they still want to cuddle and can’t pass up a dive into the doctor’s office treasure box on the way out from an appointment. Knowing when to give them some independence and when to pull the parent card isn’t as cut and dry as when they were little. But we’ve done the research, and below, you’ll find a dozen things that tweens shouldn’t do and that we’ve totally got your back on saying no to.
Be Dropped Off at a Public Venue
The reasons against dropping off your tween in a public venue that usually come to mind are different than what you might expect. Let Grow, an organization that believes in the power of enabling children to explore the world on their own, asked David Finkelhor, head of the Crimes Against Children Research Center at the University of New Hampshire, “Have you heard of any case where a child was taken from a parent in public and forced into the sex trade?” His answer—NO. Actual traffickers build relationships with young people they go on to exploit.
But when you’re an unsupervised tween with other tweens, social contagion behavior can be expected. As Dr. Jessica Baker notes, “Tweens are much more concerned with what peers think of them than with what adults think of them. When you put more of them together, if there is impulsivity, the impulsivity amongst the group tends to rise as well. This can lead to bad decisions.” This applies at home too, but in most circumstances, kids are supervised at home. When they’re dropped off, they’re tempted to exhibit new behaviors, and those behaviors will be duplicated.
Have Unchecked Social Media
We get it. First comes the computer, the tablet, or the phone because they have virtual school or use it to connect from home with friends or have late practices. But before you know it, Tic Toc, Instagram, Snapchat, and Be Real become the dominant reason your child is on the device. Research by Johns Hopkins University suggests that the more time spent on social media, the more likely your child is to experience cyberbullying, social anxiety, depression, and exposure to content that is not age-appropriate. “Tweens have shifted to a cognitive plane where they are more aware of those outside of themselves. This makes them extremely vulnerable to many parts of social media,” says clinical psychologist Jessica Baker, Ph.D., CED-S. So before opening the gate to the land of likes and shares, here are some guidelines that will help you ease into this new frontier of parenting.
Watch Mature Entertainment Content
There are a variety of ways that adult content—including sexual content, violence, or encompassing mature concepts—can impact children negatively. According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, “traditional media appears to influence youths’ “sexual scripts,” or shared societal-level beliefs about how people should act in sexual situations. The bottom line? The more sexual content kids see, the more likely they are to embrace sexual behaviors, and sooner. The more violence and aggression, the more likely they are to exhibit aggression. And exposure to adult concepts, such as family dysfunction, mature decisions, and ethical choices, needs context and conversation—two things kids are unlikely to get by just watching it on television.
Have a Smartphone with All the Apps
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According to Dr. Lydia Criss Mays, Educational Consultant and Early Childhood and Elementary School Expert, “Tweens aren’t ready to own smartphones—nor should they. Recent research shows that owning a smartphone younger predicts lower self-worth, motivation, and resilience. And for tween girls with smartphones, the higher the rates of sadness, anxiety, and depression. One of the best things parents can do for their tweens’ mental health is to keep smartphones out of their hands.”
Manage Money
If you watch the headlines, you’ll probably catch something that reads “Child Charges $1.4k to Amazon.” And while the big spends are kind of funny (and fixable), access to insta-purchasing on computers and smartphones means your tweens have no stopgap between wanting something and getting it. While the convenience of Apple Pay or other automated payment services makes a run to the concession stand by your child easier on you on game day, it does nothing to help them learn how to manage money. Other apps, like Greenlight—the company that launched a parent-managed debit card and app for children to teach money management skills and has just announced Greenlight Max, the first educational investing platform designed for kids—go the extra mile to make sure your tween’s first foray into financial decision-making is instructional, as well.
Be BFFs with Older Teens
According to Angela Herzog, Ph.D., and Clinical Psychologist, tweens are often not prepared to meet the emotional needs of their parents, “who can sometimes turn a blind eye when tweens try to appear mature or socially adept.” Sometimes, when a tween acts older than their age or hangs out with older tweens or teens, it reflects positively on the social standing of the parent. These affiliations with older kids can result in the tween finding him or herself in social scenarios that they are unprepared for, such as drinking or being around sexually charged exchanges—and the tween is simply unprepared to understand the repercussions of this, particularly when parents are giving implied consent to the friendship with older kids.
Decide to Quit
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Let’s face it: tweens are often a few years into a hobby or a sport or mastery of a musical instrument which may be getting just a little stale. However, in the long run, the years between ages 12 and 15 (or high school) are a sprint. Allowing your child to quit something they’ve invested in for years just before they can play or perform at the next level without at least understanding their motivations for quitting is short-sighted. If they ultimately decide to give up on something they’ve worked hard at, make sure it’s for reasons they won’t regret in a few seasons.
Wear a Full Face of Makeup
Chances are your 10-12-year-old tween is being exposed to a stream of products, tutorials, how-to’s, and “hacks” for a visual transformation. And the message they’re getting? Conform to another’s beauty standard and optimize your self-worth. According to the Cleveland Clinic, “There’s no right or wrong age, but the first rule of thumb is to have an open discussion about makeup as soon as your child expresses interest. Parents need to establish expectations, set limits, and understand the psychological and health impact of these permissions on them.”
Play Video Games Rated Teen or Mature
Similar to watching mature television content, playing video games rated teen or mature exposes tweens to images of violence, language, gender stereotyping, and sexually explicit content. Regardless of the game’s popularity, tweens have no business finding their entertainment from media developed for more mature audiences. You’re essentially serving them content they’re incapable of contextualizing, and it will in turn show up in their own behaviors.
Have a Steady Boy or Girlfriend
According to the American Academy of Pediatrics, kids start dating at an average age of 12 and a half for girls and 13 and a half for boys. But at ages 10-12, they are still developing their sense of identity, which becomes confusing when someone else’s identity is intertwined with theirs. While every child is different, most 10-12-year-olds don’t fully understand what it means to be in a relationship, how to respect other people’s boundaries, and cannot handle the emotional pressure of being in a relationship with another person.
Get Fewer Than 9-10 Hours of Sleep Per Night
The American Academy of Sleep Medicine recommends that children aged 6–12 years should regularly sleep 9–12 hours per 24 hours, and teenagers aged 13–18 should sleep 8–10 hours per 24 hours. A good night’s sleep is about getting to sleep, staying asleep, and getting enough good-quality sleep. Here is how a sleep expert establishes bedtime routines in her own home.
It’s summertime, and the parties are easy—especially birthday parties! With great weather, water, and a little creativity, you can have plenty of fun in the sun. We’ve gathered the best outdoor birthday party ideas for your summer kiddo, from messy art parties to twists on water play. Sit down, grab a popsicle, and prepare to take your party to the next level with the inspiration we found from the best party planning pros out there.
Take that drippy, messy, delicious treat outside with an ice cream sundae-themed party. This fun party kit adds a festive touch and kids can enjoy the rest of the event by playing outdoor games. Eat up the best ice cream sundae tips here.
Magic Rainbow Party
What’s waiting at the end of the rainbow? A fantastic outdoor birthday party. Rainbows make for a natural outdoor party theme that’s easy to pull off with brightly colored decor, Skittles-sprinkled desserts, and a rainbow pinata.
With a few blankets, picnic snack ideas, and balloons, you can set up a perfect outdoor birthday! What we love about this is that you can find a park with a playground and keep your party activity planning to a minimum. See our other favorite picnic party ideas here.
While it’s true you can have a big top-themed party any time of year, in the summertime, it’s your chance to be a little extra. Know anyone who can juggle or make balloon animals? This is their time to shine.
Field Day Fun Party
Take a cue from everyone’s favorite day in elementary school and host a field-day-themed party. Tug-of-war, relay races, and wheelbarrow races: it’s easy to put together fun activities for this party. It practically plans itself! If you need more ideas and want to add to the classic field day events, check out our favorite classic yard games that are easy to repurpose for a field day birthday party.
Add an extra dose of color with an outdoor art party. Set up big canvases like the ones shown above—or just tape butcher paper to the fence—and let your guests' inner Picassos come out. Some other supplies that are perfect for throwing an artsy bash include mini canvases, paintbrushes, and lots of washable paint.
Popsicle Fun Outdoor Birthday
Buckets of frozen treats and bins of water toys in Giggles Galore’s popsicle party go a long way with the kiddos on a warm (birth)day with this simple outdoor birthday party idea.
With flowers blooming, summer is the perfect time for an outdoor tea party. Add a whimsical activity and turn the party into a fairy garden with a fairy house craft. Check out The Garden Spot for more fairy tale tea ideas and find our fave tea time snacks here.
Get out into the great outdoors with a summer-camp-themed birthday party complete with a delicious s'mores cake. We love the clever merit badge activities that Alison of Just Add Confetti dreamed up for her son's fifth birthday. Bonus: you can use her free printable for your party. Find out all the details at Just Add Confetti.
Score loads of points with a soccer-themed birthday party. Get inspired by this soccer-themed party over at Catch My Party—jerseys double as decoration and plastic trophies are full of munchies. Plus, the activity is a total no-brainer. Up for a game of soccer, anyone?
Kori Clark transforms soft blooms in coordinating colors into a fresh, beautiful take on the standard princess party. Pick a color palette and just add (lots of) flowers, homemade and otherwise.
One of our favorite outdoor birthday party ideas is to have a luau! Not only are the colors fun, but you can serve plenty of fruit, and pulled pork sliders, do the limbo, make a tropical mocktail for kids, hand out plastic leis and sand buckets for party favors, and so much more.
Bloom Designs starts with colorful tickets as invites and adds a booth of the kiddos’ favorite game day snacks, and TBH, we can’t think of a better excuse for nachos and cheese puffs. Throw a few inflatable balls onto the lawn, and you’ve got an outdoor birthday party home run.
Under the Sycamore’s clever-themed party uses boxes, tires, string, and other obstacle-worthy props to create the ultimate outdoor birthday challenge. Bonus: parents will thank you at the end of the night (think pooped-out kids falling straight into slumber!).
A family-friendly flick, munchable sides of popcorn, and a basket of blankets for when the night cools down complete the ingredient list for an awesome outdoor birthday movie night. Wondering what you’ll need? Check out our favorite outdoor movie night ideas and our favorite movie night snacks!
This easy homemade bubble recipe by Happy Hooligans is sure to cause some bubble mania (with the most gigantic bubbles ever!) amongst the littles. Pair the recipe with different kinds of wands, have towels on hand, and let the suds take over.
This outdoor birthday party idea might just be the perfect opportunity to introduce the kiddos to your favorite '70s playlist (Bee Gees, anyone?). Plus, partygoers get to take home a fun “to dye for” party favor that lasts longer than candy or trinkets from your standard goody bag. Chaotically Creative gives inspiration for helping party-goers get their groove on.
A market full of fresh fruit in vibrant ripe colors is the perfect inspiration for your (organic) farmers-in-training to celebrate a birthday—or at least an excuse to nosh on something other than candy, as Eye Heart Pretty Things beautifully demonstrates.
Summer is berry season, so it's natural to throw a sweet berry-themed bash. Bright red touches make this party fabulous and will put a smile on any fruit lover's face. Hello Wonderful will show you just what to pick to throw your own berry bash.
There are plenty of things your kids wish they could ban. Broccoli for instance. Or bedtimes. But we’re guessing books wouldn’t make their list. Promote the power of “yes” by pulling these banned children’s books off the shelf and into your evening reading routine. You won’t be disappointed, and neither will the kids! Looking for other books for kids? Check out our collection of classic children’s books, our favorite bedtime stories, and books that feature diverse protagonists.
When you read this book title as a directive, rather than as an innocent and undeniably catchy rhyme, it’s easy to see why a Toronto father’s rights advocate challenged the wildly popular Dr. Seuss book. But pulling it from library shelves because it “encouraged children to use violence against their fathers” was only the tip of the iceberg for his 2014 challenge. He also thought the library should fork over some cash to cover “damages resulting from the book.”
Ages 3-7
If you haven’t read this story about humble, radiant Wilbur (a.k.a. Some Pig) then you’re in for a treat. Although a group of concerned parents disagreed in 2006. They tried to have this book banned from classrooms because they found the book’s talking animals to be disrespectful to God.
Ages: 8-12
Let’s be honest. This book is every parent’s fantasy. After all who doesn’t want a song-activated magic pot that cooks them dinner? The late Tomie dePaola’s classic tale of the Grandma Witch has been banned in several U.S. school libraries for promoting witchcraft.
Ages: 4-8.
It seems a certain 1987 version of this book would have fared better in Europe than it did in the States, where it was banned in both Michigan and New York in the mid-1990s. Although the story behind finding the now-infamous “nude bather,” that caused the version to be pulled from the shelves, has since been lost, we’re guessing it had something to do with one reader’s relentless search for Waldo.
Ages: 5-9
When it comes to dystopian novels, tweens, and teens just can't get enough of them. And Lois Lowry's Newbery Award-winning classic continues the trend. But parents in Blue Springs, Missouri grew concerned over "twisted" and "lewd" content in the book and tried to have it removed from an eighth-grade reading list in 2003. The good news is, the compelling story is continued on in three more books in the series.
Ages: 12 & up
Readers the world over love Harriet the Spy, because not only does she tells it like it is, she also rides a dumbwaiter, and who wouldn’t want to try that? Over the years, the book has been banned in school libraries because parents are concerned it teaches children to “lie, spy, talk back and curse.”
Ages: 8-12
Kids have loved the quirky drawings and odd poetry of Shel Silverstein for generations. But in 1986, the West Allis Milwaukee School District banned this particular poetry collection because of “drug reference, suicide, death and a disrespect for truth and authority.” Shortly after, a school district in Pennsylvania did the same.
Ages: 6-8
Magical wardrobes, talking lions and evil queens: Narnia’s got dibs on some of the best fantasy elements ever written. But the first book in this popular series was first banned in 1990 because adults were concerned by its “graphic violence, mysticism and gore.” Then in 2005, a group focused on the separation of church and state tried banning the book from Florida’s public schools after then-Governor, Jeb Bush, promoted it in a statewide reading contest.
Ages: 8 & up
The 10th most challenged and banned book of 2017, I am Jazz is an autobiographical picture book chronicling the early years of transgender reality TV star, Jazz Jennings. It first appeared on the banned list when a group of Wisconsin parents objected to its reading at school. They were concerned about sex education, language and offensive viewpoints.
Ages: 4-8
You’ve read this one to your sidekick so many times, you’ve got it memorized. But when this classic hit the scene in 1963, it caused quite a stir. Banned in many southern states for depicting child abuse (the no-go supper for Max), it’s also been challenged for being “too dark” and showing supernatural elements. If you’re looking for more books to put on your nighttime reading list try one of these all-time faves.
Ages: 4-8
The surprisingly dark tales spun by the Brothers Grimm have been challenged many times. But we bet the specifics behind this particularly gruesome classic will surprise you. Was it because of images of cannibalism? Or perhaps because it promoted unhealthy eating habits or tooth decay? Nope. In 1992 two witches challenged this book claiming it painted witches in a bad light.
Ages: 5 & up
This Newbery Award winner’s been challenged a few times for undermining religious beliefs, and in 1985 it was challenged at a Florida elementary school for promoting witchcraft, crystal balls and demons.
Ages: 10-14
First came Roy. Then came Silo. Then came a baby and made their family complete. Based on the true story of two male penguins at New York’s Central Park Zoo, this ALA Notable Children’s Book made its way onto the banned book list for featuring a same-sex relationship.
Ages: 2-5
More a case of mistaken identity than concern over content, Bill Martin’s classic children’s book was banned by the Texas State Board of Education in 2010. It turns out that the children’s author didn’t also pen Ethical Marxism: The Categorical Imperative of Liberation. Oops!
Ages: 2-5
If you think your house is filled with drama, you haven’t been to middle school lately. Get a refresher with this tween graphic novel that follows theater geek Callie as she strives to build a Broadway-worthy set and figure out … well, boys. But the real drama for this book came when it hit the banned children's book list in one school district and two school libraries in Texas because it features LGBTQ characters.
Ages: 10-14
We dare you not to shed a tear over this touching story of a selfless tree who loves a boy. But it was a cynical interpretation of the tree’s selfless giving as “sexist content” that landed this Shel Silverstein classic on a Colorado library’s banned book list in 1988.
Ages: 1-8
J.K. Rowling’s Harry Potter series has been translated into 68 different languages, distributed in over 200 different territories worldwide, and has sold over 450 million copies at last count. And the number of challenges and bans on this series, usually for depicting witchcraft and wizardry and promoting anti-family themes, is also impressive. By 2000, it had been challenged about 650 different times.
Ages: 8 & up
Another Newbery Award-winner, this story of friendship and loss is a definite tearjerker. But it wasn’t the tragic death of a friend that led the New Brighton Area School District in Pennsylvania to remove it from their 5th-grade classrooms. They were concerned about the disrespect, foul language and confusion that could be created when kids read about Terabithia, the fantasy world dreamed up by BFFs Jesse and Leslie.
Ages: 9 & up
Roald Dahl is no stranger to the banned book list. James and the Giant Peach is on there. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is too. But it’s his classic tale of a boy-turned-mouse and his cigar-smoking grandmother who fight against witches that continues to find its way onto the list again and again and again. It was challenged at least ten times in the late 1980s and early 1990s for things like “being too sophisticated” and “not teaching moral values.”
Ages: 8-12
Families coming in all shapes, sizes and colors is the theme of this popular Todd Parr book. But concerns over depicting families that have two moms or two dads kept this bold and colorful paperback off the shelves in the Erie School District in Illinois in 2012.
Ages: 5-6
One of Avi’s lesser-known works, it’s the story of 13-year-old Jonathan, who wants to fight beside his brother and cousin, against the British, during the Revolutionary War. This ALA-notable book was banned at the Bay District school library in 2008 over parent concerns around the use of profanity.
Ages: 9 & up
If your kid has read the book, watched the movie and bought the T-shirt, then you’re not alone. But you might be surprised to find that this popular Dave Pilkey series was at one time the most banned book in the country. In the early books, concerns were raised over content that wasn’t suited for the age group and encouraging disobedience. The release of the 12th book caused new concerns over references to Harold being gay.
Ages: 7-10
The powerfully poignant diary of Anne Frank, who spent two years hiding from the Nazis, with her family in the cramped “Secret Annexe” of an office building, often shows up on the banned book list. Although concern over sexually explicit material is the reason usually cited, once in 1983 the Alabama State Textbook Committee tried to ban it because they thought the diary was “a real downer.”
Ages: 10-13
This story of a donkey who wishes himself into a rock set off alarm bells with the Illinois Police Association. In 1977 they challenged the book because the police are depicted as pigs in the story. In the aftermath, it was banned in many parts of the U.S.
Ages: 3-7
If you cringe every time you read Junie B. Jones to your kids and she “runned speedy quick” or “did a shrug” or commits some other crime against grammar, you’re not alone. Most of the challenges to this series are about Junie’s speech patterns and the fact it might encourage young readers to follow suit.
Ages: 6-9
This book has been banned by a North Carolina school district claiming that the book taught children to be transgender. Jacob's New Dress is actually about acceptance and anti-bullying when Jacob wants to wear a dress to school.
Ages: 4-7
Maus has been banned in a Tennessee county for profanity, nudity, violence, and suicide, although it presents the argument of how to honestly portray the Holocaust without those things. Maus is a Pulitzer-prize-winning graphic novel that follows Spiegelman's parents' traumatic internment at Auschwitz.
Ages: 11 & up
'New Kid' was written by author Jerry Craft about his own life experiences, then a Texas school district banned it for "Critical Race Theory and Marxism." When Jordan Banks starts at a new private school, he was one of the only students of color, and he discovers this new struggle of fitting in when there is very little diversity. This banned children's book is the winner of the Newbery Medal, the Coretta Scott King Author Award, and the Kirkus Prize for Young Reader's Literature.
Ages: 8-12
The story of 13-year-old Lakshmi, a Nepalese girl who is sold into sexual slavery is a powerful, but not easy, read. Banned in multiple states for depictions of violent sexual content, this book is not for the faint of heart. Still, it's an important topic about a very real subject that affects humans all over the world. Ages: 14+
Christopher Paul Curtis' iconic historical fiction book tells the tragic true story of the 1963 church bombing in Birmingham, AL, through the eyes of 10-year-old Kenny, on a trip to see his grandma. Although it is a Newbery and Coretta Scott King Medal winner, it was banned in Utah and challenged in other states for what was deemed "offensive language." Ages 10 & up.
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There are a handful of essential people kids learn about in school and during Black History Month: Martin Luther King Jr., Harriet Tubman, and George Washington Carver, just to name a few. But while these African American heroes in history have certainly made significant cultural contributions, there are many more that have fallen under the radar. To give your kids an ever-widening view of the world, learn about (and share!) these important Black history figures that have left a legacy for generations to come.
Alvin Ailey Jr. was a dancer, choreographer, and activist. Born in Texas during the Great Depression, he moved to Los Angeles in 1946 and saw his first dance performance, and in 1949 he took his first dance class at Lester Horton's Melrose Ave. studio. When he formed the Alvin Ailey Dance Theater in 1958, he wanted to honor Black culture through dance. The company's first performance included Ailey's masterpiece, Blues Suite, and his most critically acclaimed work, Revelations, premiered in 1960. The company fused theater with modern, jazz, and ballet, and brought a multi-racial cast of dancers to the stage. Due to rampant racism at the time, few of these dancers would have found opportunities to perform with other companies.
In addition to choreographing pieces for his own company, Ailey created ballets for the American Ballet Theater, the Joffrey Ballet, and the Royal Danish Ballet, among others. He received numerous awards and honors over the years, including a Guggenheim Fellowship for Creative Arts in 1968, the Spingarn Medal from the NAACP in 1977, Kennedy Center Honors in 1989, and in 2014, he was posthumously awarded the Presidental Medal of Freedom.
John Lewis was born as the son of sharecroppers in rural Alabama in 1940. He studied at the American Baptist Theological Society in Nashville and helped to organize sit-ins against segregated restaurants; during this period, he coined his iconic phrase, "Good Trouble," and was jailed on numerous occasions. One of the original 13 Freedom Riders, his most memorable contribution to the Civil Rights Movement was "Bloody Sunday," when in 1965, he led a group of 600 over the Edmund Putts Bridge in Selma, AL. Beaten and left unconscious, Lewis caught the eye of Reverend Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., who joined them on another march from Selma to Montgomery, AL. John Lewis was elected to the United States House of Representatives for Georgia's 5th congressional district in 1987 and was re-elected to the office until he died in 2020. Among many honors and accolades, one of the most prestigious was the Presidential Medal of Freedom in 2011.
Daisy Bates
When the Supreme Court ruled that segregated schools were unconstitutional, Daisy Bates stepped up to help a group of Black students integrate into an all-white high school—that group is known as The Little Rock Nine. In the face of constant fear and intimidation, Bates worked tirelessly to escort those young men and women to school every day and protect them from violent crowds. Daisy Bates was a lifelong civil rights activist, and her work is still recognized today. In the state of Arkansas, every third Monday in February is observed as Daisy Gatson Bates Day, and in 1999 she was Posthumously awarded the Medal Of Freedom.
Ruby Bridges was the first Black student to integrate into a white elementary school in 1960. At only six years old, Ruby walked by protesters screaming awful slurs and angry words at her every day. And yet, she never missed a day of school. Ruby became a lifelong civil rights activist, and in 1999, she established the Ruby Bridges Foundation to help fight racism and promote tolerance and change through education.
Charles Drew is considered a pioneer of blood plasma research and the modern blood bank. While in attendance at Columbia University, Charles Drew discovered the “shelf life” of blood could be extended by as much as seven days by separating and storing whole blood and plasma separately. Before that, blood could only be stored for up to two days. Charles Drew also wrote a dissertation Banked Blood: A Study in Blood Preservation, where he described the technique he developed and the logistics involved in the long-term preservation of blood plasma. Today Charles Drew is revered as the Father of Blood Banking.
Look to the skies, and you'll be reminded about Bessie Coleman, the first Black and Native American woman pilot. Known for her amazing flying tricks, "Queen Bess" worked as a manicurist in Chicago when her brothers returned from World War I. When her brother John teased her that women in France were allowed to be pilots, Bessie took it as her mission to do just that. When no American flight school would take her, she learned French and moved to France to take flight lessons there.
When Bessie returned to the United States, she gave speeches and eventually performed her aviation tricks in air shows around the country. She famously refused to perform at any show where there was segregation or discrimination against African Americans. Bessie Coleman died in an air accident at age 34, and she was eulogized by the famous activist Ida B. Wells-Barnett.
Frederick Douglass was a freed slave who spent his life outside of bondage as an author, an orator, and a leader of the abolitionist movement. Even after the Emancipation Proclamation in 1862, Douglass continued to champion equality, human rights, and even women’s rights. Douglass authored dozens of speeches and five autobiographies, the most notable of which is Douglass’ 1845 autobiography, Narrative of the Life of Frederick Douglass, an American Slave. Here are 19 other interesting facts about Frederick Douglass.
Claudette Colvin was an early activist in the civil rights movement in Alabama. Nine months before Rosa Parks refused to give up her bus seat to a white woman, Claudette Colvin did the same. At the young age of 15, Colvin was later arrested; violating the city’s segregation laws was among the many charges leveled against her. Colvin later told Newsweek, “I felt like Sojourner Truth was pushing down on one shoulder, and Harriet Tubman was pushing down on the other—saying, 'Sit down girl!' I was glued to my seat.”
As a young child, Wilma Rudolph battled a series of debilitating illnesses including double pneumonia, scarlet fever, and polio. She was forced to wear a leg brace, and doctors even told her she would never walk again. But Rudolph overcame her disabilities, and she was intent on pursuing her dreams. Her determination and natural athleticism eventually brought her to the 1960 Olympics, where she became the first woman to win three Gold Medals in Track and Field in a single Olympics.
A former slave, engineer, author, and American soldier, in 1877, Henry Ossian Flipper became the first African-American to graduate from West Point. Upon his completion, Flipper was also the first Black man to be commissioned in the Army (or any military branch, for that matter). After his commissioning, under the command of Captian Nicolas M. Nolan, he became the first Black man to lead buffalo soldiers of the 10th Calvery.
On December 1, 1955, Rosa Parks refused to give up her seat on the bus to a white woman. This act of defiance sparked the Montgomery Bus Boycott and created an impetus for change. One year after Parks' trial, the U.S. District Court for the Middle District of Alabama, Northern (Montgomery) Division, declared racial segregation laws (commonly known as "Jim Crow laws") unconstitutional. Considered to be one of the most important Black history figures, the United States Congress has called her "the first lady of civil rights" and "the mother of the freedom movement."
In 1891, Daniel Hale Williams opened Provident Hospital in Chicago, IL. It was the first hospital with a racially integrated staff, a school for nurses, and also a training residency for doctors. In 1893, Williams was one of the first people to perform open-heart surgery, and he accomplished this feat outside of modern medicine and without the luxury of blood transfusions. He was also a co-founder of the National Medical Association, and in 1913 he was selected to be a charter member (and the only African American) of the College of Surgeons.
Alice Allison Dunnigan was the first Black female White House Correspondent. She was also chief of the Associated Negro Press, and in 1948 she became the first Black woman to follow a Presidential campaign (Harry Truman’s) on the road. Years later, Alice Allison Dunnigan served as an education consultant on JFK’s Committee on Equal Employment Opportunity.
In 1862, during the Civil War, Robert Smalls commandeered a Confederate transport boat freeing himself, his crew, and their families. He sailed the ship to the Union-controlled region of Hilton Head, where it then became a warship. He was instrumental in convincing President Lincoln to let free Blacks serve in the Union Army. During the Reconstruction Era, Smalls was elected to the South Carolina House of Representatives and the United States House of Representatives, where he authored legislation that would allow South Carolina to have the first free public school system in the United States.
Jane Bolin was the first Black woman to graduate from Yale Law School, and in 1939, she became the first Black female judge. She was a huge advocate for children's rights: she served on the board of the Child's Welfare League, the National Urban League, and the NAACP, among others. Bolin also worked closely with then-First Lady Eleanor Roosevelt to establish the Wiltwyck School, a program to help eradicate juvenile crime among boys. Upon retirement, she volunteered as a reading instructor in New York public schools and served on the New York State Board of Regents.
Arturo Schomburg was a writer, historian, and activist. As a leader of the Harlem Renaissance, Schomberg collected art literature and other artifacts belonging to people of African descent. In 1926 his collection was purchased by the New York Public Library, and today the Schomburg Center is a research division of the NY Public Library. With more than 11 million items in the collection, the Schomburg Center is devoted to the preservation and exhibition of Black history and the arts and culture of the African diaspora.
Matthew Henson is best known for his participation in a series of Arctic explorations between 1891 and 1909. But his claim to fame was the expedition that culminated in April 1909, where the team he was with finally reached the North Pole. Through these expeditions, Henson made significant contributions to the field of exploration. To honor those contributions, Matthew Henson was buried at Arlington National Cemetery with full military honors.
A true pioneer in both race and gender, Shirley Chisholm was the first Black woman elected to Congress representing NY’s 12th District. In 1972, she was also the first woman to run for the Democratic Party’s presidential nomination. During her time in Congress, Chisholm fought for improved education, health and human services, and women's rights. Chisholm famously said, “If they don’t give you a seat at the table, bring a folding chair.”
In 1938, American inventor Fred Jones designed and patented a portable air-conditioning unit for trucks primarily used to transport perishable foods. Jones’ invention became invaluable during WWII when refrigeration units were used to preserve and transport food, blood, and medicine to hospitals and soldiers on the battlefield. In 1944, he became the first African American member of the American Society of Refrigeration Engineers. He was awarded 61 patents throughout his life, and in 1991, he was posthumously awarded the National Medal of Technology, the first African American to do so.
Dr. Rebecca Lee Crumpler was the first female African-American physician. She also wrote the Book of Medical Discourses in Two Parts in 1883, which is considered one of the first medical texts written by an African American author. After the Civil War, Dr. Crumpler also worked for the Freedman’s Bureau for the State of Virginia, the federal agency that helped over 4,000,000 slaves make the transition from slavery to freedom.
Gwendolyn Brooks
Gwendolyn Brooks was an American teacher, poet, and author. During her life, Brooks authored over 20 books of poetry and one novel. In 1950, Gwendolyn Brooks was the first African American to win the Pulitzer Prize. Among countless other honors and awards, in 1968, she was named poet laureate for the state of Illinois, in 1976, she became the first African American woman to be inducted into the American Academy of Arts and Letters, she was the U.S. Poet Laureate for the 1985-86 term, she was inducted into the National Women's Hall of Fame in 1988, and in 1995, she was awarded the National Medal of Arts.
In 1962, Katherine Johnson's brilliant math skills were called upon to help put John Glenn into orbit around the Earth. John Glenn requested that Katherine herself double-check the orbital trajectory of the Friendship 7 from liftoff to splashdown; only then would he carry on with the mission. Later in her career, Johnson also worked on the Apollo Moon Landing project as well as early plans for a mission to Mars. Katherine Johnson also co-authored 26 scientific papers, which can still be found in the NASA archives.
Mae C. Jemison is an American physician and astronaut. In 1987, Jamison was the first African American woman to be accepted into NASA’s astronaut training program. In 1992, Jemison was also the first African American woman in space, flying there aboard the spaceship Endeavor with six other astronauts.
With more than 30 bestselling titles, Maya Angelou wrote 36 books, not the least of which was her first book I Know Why The Caged Bird Sings. Although she died in 2014, Maya Angelou is remembered as a brilliant writer, poet, and civil rights activist. Oprah Winfrey said of her friend, “Maya Angelou is not what she has done or written or spoken, it’s how she did it all. She moved through the world with unshakeable calm, confidence, and a fiery, fierce grace and abounding love.”
Ron Finley
As a young man growing up in South Central LA, Ron Finley was all too familiar with the lack of fresh produce. Determined to change that, Finley started a garden on a dirt patch on the sidewalk outside of his home. When the city cited Finley for gardening without a permit, he rallied other “green activists” and petitioned for the right to grow food in his neighborhood. Finley won, and today he is affectionately known as “The Gangsta Gardener.” Now a community leader, Finley is determined to help urban communities break out of their "food prisons." Finley has traveled extensively speaking publicly on the topic, and he has even done a TEDTalk that has been watched by over three million people.
Alice Coachman was the first Black woman to win an Olympic Gold medal from any country. Born on November 9, 1923, in Albany, Georgia, she was the fifth of 10 children born to Fred and Evelyn Coachman.
At the time, it was considered "unladylike" for women to be interested in sports. Her parents agreed with this thinking and often punished Coachman for participating in activities like running and baseball. While she never considered a career in sports, by the 7th grade, she was one of the best athletes in Albany, boy or girl. Since the South was still segregated at this time, Coachman often ran shoeless and created her jumping equipment, as she was unable to use public facilities reserved for white kids.
She transferred to the Tuskegee Institute during her sophomore year of high school, and as a member of their track-and-field team, Coachman won four national championships in the high jump and sprinting categories. As one of the best track-and-field athletes in the country, she continuously won titles in the 50m, the 100m, and the 400m relay, although her favorite was the high jump.
She tried out for the 1948 US Olympic team and broke the World Record for the high jump during the trials. In August of 1948, she became the first Black woman and the first American woman to win an Olympic gold medal.
Even though her Olympic career ended with an injury at 24, Coachman went on to finish college and become an elementary and high school teacher and a track coach. She was inducted into multiple Hall of Fames for her abilities and founded the Alice Coachman Track and Field Foundation to help athletes and former competitors in financial need. Coachman died in 2014 at the age of 90.
