Dear Confessional,

Many times throughout my life, fear has tapped me on the shoulder when I least expected—it has also punched me in the gut and brought me to my knees in a whirl of exhausting and exasperating emotion. Fear is such a heavy, complicated, and often unexpected emotion that comes in many forms, but certainly not limited to the following:

Fear of failure Fear of disappointment Fear of rejection Fear of threat/harm Fear of overall lack of control over a situation or outcome

Personally, I can tell you that at this stage in my life, I prefer to live like a warrior and kick fear to the curb! I have honestly had enough, and I hold nothing back in living, loving, learning, and propelling myself into the life that I choose and work toward living. That’s why I’m happy to share my top 5 strategies for overcoming fear and living like a warrior.

1. Alter Your Mindset

Your Perception is Your Reality.”

The only thing that separates you from fear is your mindset. While fear is an important, natural emotion, it’s also a stifling dream-crusher that will stop you in your tracks and have you running in the opposite direction.

Your mindset determines your self-worth and confidence, your action and inaction, your next step vs. the status quo, how you approach the world, and the spectacles in which you choose to view your circumstance.

Whether you choose to see the glass as half-full or half-empty, it’s still the same glass with the same amount of water. The manner in which you choose to see it is your personal choice that is typically followed by an emotion.

Were you lucky and proud to have a half cup of water when you were thirsty? Or are you angry and disappointed that you only have a half cup and not a drop more? 

If you simply refine your perception, you will then impact your personal experience. Alternately, if you prefer a different reality, then first change your perception.

How do you do this? Just be more positive in your speech, communication, and response to experiences in your daily life. Stop crumbling when things don’t work out as planned. Instead, learn to laugh, release, and rejoice in not having experienced a worse case scenario. In this sense, happiness is a choice. I choose to be happy.

What do you choose?

2.  Focus on Your Level of Control

Fear often stems from a lack of control. This feeling can grow and spread like a dark cloud, inward through emotion and then outward in behavior. No, we do not have control over everyone and everything, but we DO have control over ourselves and our choices to prepare, plan, and respond to any situation.

Instead of fixating on your lack of control, refocus your vision on those areas that are within your control. Learn to fully identify and manage all of the choices you can make within a scenario. Take control of your situation by owning your options. First be honest with yourself and come face-to-face with your situational anxieties, then create a mental list of your options and make a plan.

Take your abstract feelings and acknowledge them, understand where they came from, and break it down into tangible and manageable next steps—that is when fear will lose its power over you.

Can you think of a fear that continues making unwanted visits?

3. Just Say NO to “What If”

The “What If” game is a never-ending mental ping-pong of disaster. Stop doing it. The ONLY time that this game is even remotely acceptable is when you are trying to prepare for an event or occasion and are making sure that you have everything you need (i.e., packing a baby bag, planning for a meeting or presentation, or preparing for a trip). Otherwise, STOP doing it!

4. Goal Setting & Getting

When your parents and/or teacher told you that you could do/be anything you truly wanted if you work hard enough—they really weren’t kidding. You really can. The only thing between you and your dream becoming your reality are these 5 strategies, that’s it.

Stop letting time slip past you and “seize the moment!” It’s never too late, even if you start simply and keep a comfortable pace. The first step is to draw a mind map—make a circle in the middle of a paper with your true soul-itching vision, add branches from this center with greater detail about your vision for that goal, and then create simple steps for each branch. Lastly, make a comfortable and manageable to-do list for the day—and actually do it.

Most of us look up at a mountainous goal, and before we even try, fear steps in to overwhelm, worry, and laugh in our face until our dream dissolves. Instead, keep your ultimate goal in mind but keep your eyes focused only on one small step at a time for a minimal investment. Before you know it, you will be at the top. While obstacles and even avalanches may take place, it’s how you choose to navigate through each moment that will propel you.

What would you write in the center of your mind map?

5. Organization is NOT only for Type A’s

You don’t have to be a Type A personality to have solid organizational skills. All you need is true determination and passion to get you there. I personally don’t like stress, so I choose to rise above it by preparing ahead of time. Whether I’m making a to-do list to remove responsibility out of my head and onto paper, or packing snacks, change of clothes, or emergency kit for the kids to bring in the car in case of any unexpected circumstances, I’ve got it covered.

Remember to be honest with yourself about the simplest of situations or details that create stress and fear of the “what if” scenarios coming true, and be prepared. Manage each of the areas that you can control.

You are worthy. You are important. You are loved.  You are capable. You are strong.  Your greatest ambition is waiting for you to make it happen.  You can do it!

“The only way to achieve the impossible is to believe it is possible.” —Alice Through The Looking Glass

with Love,

Ruthi

Ruthi Davis is a the Founder of Ruth Davis Consulting LLC with over two decades of success in advertising/marketing, media/publicity, business development, client relations, and organizational optimization for a variety of clients. Ruthi is a proud mom and influencer in the parenting and family market as founder of the Superfly Supermom brand.

Being a single mom is an all-day, everyday job. You don’t get a lot of breaks or time to not be a mom. One of the things that are really important to me as a mom is making sure that Reese is fearless and doesn’t allow “being a girl” to stop her. So many times as women we are told not to do certain things (like travel) alone because they just aren’t safe.

When you’re a single woman and you’re traveling, that can become even more complicated. Not only are you concerned about keeping yourself safe, you also have to protect these precious babies of yours. That doesn’t mean that you have to stop traveling altogether, that just means that it is time for you to start considering safety first.

Reese and I are headed out this summer on a West Coast road trip and before we do that, I have to check off some items on my safety list. The main objective is to have a great time, and we can’t do that if we don’t get there in one piece! If you’re thinking about packing the kiddos up for a road trip, make sure you keep these safety tips in mind:

Oil Change

For starters, if you’re going to be taking a road trip, you’re going to need to make certain that your car is in tip-top shape. Part of good car maintenance is getting your regularly scheduled inspections and maintenance, especially oil changes. If you’re a hands-on girl, and you know how to change your own oil, you can grab what you need and DIY it.

If you’re not handy at all, don’t worry there are several places that can change your oil for you at a reasonable rate. I like Walmart or I look for coupons on the back of my grocery receipt.

Emergency Kit

There are certain emergencies that are likely to come up when you’re traveling, and much of them are car related. It always really important to be prepared just in case. Put together an emergency kit that includes:

  • Spare tire and/or a fix a flat product
  • Jumper Cables
  • First Aid Kit

If you have all of these items on hand, you’ll be able to deal with whatever comes at you while you’re on the road.

Emergency Roadside Service

Emergency roadside service is a lifesaver. If you can’t change your tire, if you run out of gas, if something goes wrong with the car that you can’t identify, they will be there. It is like having a handyman available to you no matter where you are.

If you haven’t looked into these types of services yet, you are cheating yourself. Take the time to check and make certain you haven’t already paid for this service. Certain car dealers provide roadside assistance when you purchase a new car. Many cell phone providers offer roadside assistance for an additional fee on your bill every month and you can even get it covered under your auto policy. There really is no excuse to be stranded on the side of the road with no help.

Be Well Rested

Never drive when you are tired. Driving when sleepy can actually be just as dangerous as drunk driving. I know that people glorify not stopping to rest on the road, and getting there all in one shot, but you don’t have to be anyone’s hero. Plan on taking breaks along the way. When you’re driving, especially with your children, you want to be alert at all times.

Watch the Gas

The very last thing you want is to be stuck on the side of the road after having run out of gas. Not only does it put a damper on your time schedule, it can be scary and unsafe and lastly. it’s kinda embarrassing (especially as a woman).

How do you avoid that mishap? You absolutely must watch your gas meter. Keep an eye on your gas, especially when you are driving late at night, in unfamiliar territory, and in unknown locations. It is a terrible feeling to need to get gas and drive mile after mile with no way to determine if your car will make it to the gas station. You don’t want that with your babies in the car. Fill up as soon as the sun goes down, just in case and never let the tank dip below half.

It doesn’t take much to stay safe on the road, just a little prior planning before you hop behind the wheel. You absolutely can get this done!

I’m Courtney! A thirty-something-year-old travel, food, lifest‌yle and family blogger for The World In Four Days. In addition to being a jet-setter, I’m also a wound care nurse and mommy to the cutest little eight-year-old on earth (IG @reesealvarado

Photo: Lindsay

Remember the famous scene from Mary Poppins in which Julie Andrews opens her carpetbag and extracts everything from a potted houseplant to a tasseled floor lamp? I think your child’s backpack can do the same thing (minus the houseplant): It can magically house all of your child’s greatest necessities in a small space.

I’m sure you have the No. 2 pencils, the folders, and the notebooks covered; I’m not going into any of those. The items I’m referring to will help keep your child safe, comfortable, and secure in the event of an emergency—or even if you’re just running a few minutes late for pick-up. In fact, knowing they have a well-stocked backpack can actually be empowering for kids. It can give them a sense of self-sufficiency and reduce anxiety in what might otherwise be a stressful situation.

Now, before you start stocking, start talking. Explain to your child that it’s very unlikely that there will ever be an emergency, and that if there is one, their teachers will be there to help them until you arrive.  Remind them that we already do all kinds of things to be prepared for emergencies, like practicing fire drills and having fire extinguishers on hand—we hope we’ll never need them, but we’ll sure be glad to have them if we do!

Then go through the following five items with them one by one—you can even reveal each with a Mary Poppins–like flourish, and explain what function it serves.

1. Emergency kit. I don’t mean the kind with Ace bandages and splints for setting broken bones—let’s leave those to the professionals! This kit will provide common-sense items that will be most valuable to your child in any kind of emergency. And if a teacher or emergency worker is looking for contact information for your child, it will be right there at their fingertips:

Phone numbers (cell, work, home) for parents/guardians Phone number for another responsible adult (ask their permission first): babysitter, grandparent, neighbor Band-aids and antibiotic ointment A Ziploc bag containing wet wipes for washing hands

2.  Snack and drink. A bottle of water and a couple of healthy snack bars can not only stave off hunger, it can also help keep your child’s mind occupied while he or she is waiting for mom or dad to arrive.

3.  Small flashlight. The more kid-friendly, the better! If there’s ever a loss of power and the lights go out, children (and adults!) will be very happy to have their very own light source. And of course, the applications in case of a serious weather or other emergency are endless: A flashlight can help your child avoid broken glass, find their way to the restroom, and make them more visible to emergency workers and Mom or Dad.

4.  Comfort object. This can be a small game, a deck of cards, a miniature stuffed animal, a toy—let your child pick out the item he’d most like to have with him. Besides serving as a helpful distraction, the item can relieve stress and help your child deal with the emotions of a long school day.

 5.  Thermal blanket. A thermal blanket made of Mylar (like those used by runners after a marathon) is extremely lightweight and waterproof, and it folds up to practically no size at all—and it can be a literal lifesaver in a bad weather situation. Furthermore, stress can often make a person feel chilled; if your child can stay warm, she may stay more relaxed. Bonus: Mylar thermal blankets are very inexpensive—you can get a pack of 10 for under $10. (It may also be helpful to have a change of clothes stored in your child’s locker or classroom cubby; the clothes just take up too much space and weight to carry around every day in a backpack.)

Finally—and this is very important—don’t forget to stock the backpack with lots of love and kisses! Virtual ones are good, but real ones are even better: Slide a little love note into your child’s emergency kit; believe me, it will make a world of difference when your child discovers it. The magic backpack, like Mary Poppins’ carpet bag, will empower your child, give you peace of mind, and will make you both feel good and ready to handle anything!

            

Denise Daniels is a Peabody Award-winning broadcast journalist, and parenting and child development expert who specializes in the social and emotional development of children. Denise’s newest venture is first-of-its-kind children’s brand, The Moodsters, which helps teach simple strategies to build social and Emotional Intelligence (EQ) skills in young children.

When jet setting to Miami for the winter isn’t an option, a mom’s gotta do what a mom’s gotta do. From rockin’ the best cold weather gear to planning an adventure by bus to making the most of a grocery run, this survival guide has 25 ideas to help you conquer the winter blues. (Spoiler: Watching Frozen is not one of them.) 

Photo courtesy of Dan Nyugen via Flickr

1. Master winter weather gear – If you want to survive strolling in freezing temps, get the necessities like footmuffs that create a cocoon for your infant or toddler inside the car seat or stroller and handmuffs that keep your hands toasty while pushing your beast of a stroller. Available locally at Giggle (120 Wooster St. between Prince & Spring, 1033 Lexington Ave. at 74th St., and 352 Amsterdam Ave. between 76th & 77th St.) or BuyBuyBaby (410 East 61st St. and 1st Ave. or 270 Seventh Ave. at 26th St.).

2. Make a craft emergency kit – Fill it with stickers, pipe cleaners, play dough, crayons, notecards, clothes pins, pom poms and other goodies found at your local craft store. Break it out when winter boredom strikes. The mother-load of craft stores, Michael’s carries every crafty material you can imagine and also offers drop-in crafting sessions for kids ages 3 and up. Make a Mardi Gras mask or frame for your Valentine. (675 Avenue of the Americas or 808 Columbus Ave.)

3. Plan mommy (and daddy) happy hour – Who says you can’t bring a baby to a bar? Bring the kiddos to these indoor beer gardens that welcome kids. They’re spacious enough for the kids to stretch their legs while you throw back a couple cold ones. Not to mention, the kids will love the German soft pretzels, popcorn, and other snacks. Check out Spiritzenhause in Greenpoint, Die StammKneipe in Fort Greene or Pony Bar on the Upper East Side.

4. Give and you shall receive – We all know indoor play space memberships can cost a pretty penny. So share the wealth. Offer a guest pass to a friend and hope for one in return. After all, NYC has the best indoor playgrounds to help the kiddos (and you) overcome cabin fever like Playgarden, AppleSeeds or Kidville. And don’t forget to say thank you!

5. Seek out the sun – On a clear winter day the sun peaks between 10 a.m. and 2 p.m. Soak up some warm rays before the sun sets at 4 p.m. Check out Manhattan playgrounds that have the least amount of shade like the ones Washington Square Park or Madison Square Park.

Photo courtesy of Kris Arnold via Flickr

6. When the strolling gets tough, the tough ride the bus – It may take longer to reach your destination but the ride is half the fun. Make it an adventure. You can even play I spy or create a scavenger hunt as you go. Take the M11 bus up 10th Ave. and hop off near the Children’s Museum of Manhattan. Take the M1 bus up Madison Ave. to the Museum of the City of New York and take part in their family programs. Ride the M1 bus down Fifth Ave. to the Children’s Center at the New York Public Library. Hop the M20 bus down 7th Ave. to Battery Park where you can taste the new food vendors at Hudson Eats at Brookfield Place. Then, stop by the skating rink or movie theater next door.

7. Make a play date …and another …and another – It takes a village, remember? Rely on the company of friends to make it through cold winter days. Let the kiddos play at a friend’s house, while the moms sip on coffee or wine. Make it fun for moms too by adding a theme. Bring desserts one day and comfort food the next and exchange recipes. Even better, meet in free community play rooms in condo buildings. Some are pretty cool like the ones designed by Citibabes. So make friends with someone who lives in one of these buildings or petition to create a Citibabes playroom to your own building. No space in your apartment for a big group? Plan a meet-up at one of NYC’s best indoor spots that welcomes moms and playgroups.

8. Grab the popcorn – Get off your sofa and head to one of these kid-friendly theaters showing a mix of new and old, age-appropriate movies for tots to tweens. Pass the time at Sunshine Cinemas (143 East Houston St., between 1st and 2nd Ave.), the IFC Center (323 Sixth Ave. at 3rd St.), or Sony Wonder Technology Lab (56th St. and Madison Ave.).

9. Celebrate! – Do you truly need an excuse to party? Get your friends together and celebrate Valentine’s Day, Mardi Gras, St. Patrick’s Day and even Earth Day! Check our events calendar to find local drop-in celebrations. Or keep it simple and celebrate with your kiddos at home with themed crafts, games, and homemade cards for grandma.

10. Get a tune up – Strollers take a beating in the winter. The sludge and salt wear on the tires and your coffee drips all over the sunshade. When you need a tune-up, don’t hesitate to call the folks at Baby Bubbles. They offer free pick up and delivery service and top to bottom stroller cleaning.

11. No sleep ’til Brooklyn – If you’re looking for all day entertainment, you can’t do any better than the Brooklyn Children’s Museum. With a water play area, art studio, building zone and even special play spaces dedicated to tots and babies, they’ll will be worn out in no time. Then, check out these other Brooklyn play spaces – no membership required.

Photo courtesy of WCS

12.Grin and bear it – Brave the cold to see the two new grizzly bears at the Central Park Zoo. Betty and Veronica will be glad you did. You can also see the indoor penguin and puffin exhibit, steamy rainforest exhibit, and 4 D theater. Plus, check out the family fun days for all ages including costume parades, live theater performances, and animal encounters. If you need to warm up after your wild afternoon, grab a bite at the nearby Plaza Food Hall on the lower level of the hotel. And if you still have time to spend (and you’re feeling desperate), you’re right next to FAO Schwarz. 

13. Go to the mall – Did you know NYC even had a mall? Channel your inner suburban mom and stroll through Manhattan Mall in Herald Square or Atlantic Terminal Mall in Brooklyn. Your kids can pass a few hours playing games with a giant mouse at the Chuck E. Cheese’s at Atlantic Terminal Mall or playing with toys you won’t buy at the Toys “R” Us in Manhattan Mall – just have an exit strategy planned in advance. Cheddar bunnies in the stroller, perhaps?

14. Explore Grand Central Station – Kids love trains – you get it. But did you know about Grand Central Terminal’s other kid-friendly entertainment? Discover the whispering gallery, the zodiac on the terminal ceiling, the holiday train show (through Feb. 22), tasty treats from Magnolia Bakery and Shake Shack, plus over 68 shops for you.

15. Hit the ice – If you’ve watched Frozen more times than you can count, it’s time for some real ice action. Take the kiddos to one of the many ice skating rinks where they can slide around until they turn “Elsa blue”, while you nosh on delicious comfort snacks and (spiked) hot cocoa before calling it a day. If you want to avoid ice burn, some rinks offer lessons including South Street Seaport or LeFrak Center at Lakeside Prospect Park or The Standard Hotel Ice Rink.

16. Geek is chic – Geek out at the New York Hall of Science in Queens. With over 450 exhibits, demonstrations and activities that explain science, technology, engineering and math, you can play all day. And you’ll be learning something, too. Attend the special family program for younger kids called Little Makers to do crafts like tie dye, bath crayons and handmade paper.

17. Allow some screen time – Here’s the plan: go to a kid-friendly coffee shop, connect to free wifi, sip a cup of joe, and let the kids play games, watch movies, or read books online. The Queens Library has links to free online children’s books. The good news is you’re out of the house.

18. Visit a library for story time or any time – Let’s face it – it’s free entertainment outside your home all day long. You can read endless books, play with their toys, make arts and crafts and even watch movie screenings. Haven’t discovered your neighborhood library yet? Find the closest branch by checking out the New York Public LibraryBrooklyn Public Library or Queens Library.

19. Bring a class to you – Forget leaving your cozy apartment. Bring the fun to you with private classes that come to your home including the teachers, supplies and clean up. Invite your friends over and make music, create art or practice a new language. It’s instant entertainment!

20. Spend the night at the museum – Are your kids begging for a change of scenery? Here’s a big change – The American Museum of Natural History hosts mammoth size sleepovers for ages 6 to 13. How cool is it that your kids can spend a night at the museum, just like the movie.

21. Make groceries fun – Take advantage of all that your neighborhood Whole Foods has to offer. The Tribeca location (270 Greenwich St.) boasts a family seating area upstairs with kids’ toys and a play kitchen, kids’ cooking classes and art classes. Brooklyn’s Third Street location (214 3rd St.) hosts Friday story time in the 2nd floor cafe.

Photo courtesy of Dan Rosenthal via Flickr

22. Let it Snow – Avoid the piles of sludge on the city streets, and take your little eskimos to the best sledding hills in Manhattan, Brooklyn or Queens. Who said you need your own backyard? Be like Ralphie and pack on the warm layers for an afternoon of wintery bliss.

23. Call in back-up – Whether it’s the girl next door, your favorite UrbanSitter, or Grandma, give yourself a break. Plan a full day where you get out of the house for some much needed me time or couple time, while the little ones enjoy a fresh face. Remember when you used to spend your Saturday at bottomless brunch or shopping in SoHo? Find your happy place.

24. Get out of town – Explore the winter fun that awaits outside the city and check out a nearby winter destination. You’ll find ski mountains, sleigh rides and a wolf sanctuary less than three hours away. Take a day trip or spend the night – either way, you’re filling the winter days with fun.

25. Lastly, run for your life – Pack your bags and run, drive, or fly to warmer weather. It’s amazing what a little Vitamin D can do for your frozen family. Imagine white sandy beaches, blue splashy pools, and refreshing cocktails. Make like Olaf and pretend it’s “SUMMMERRRRR…..”.

How will you make it to April? Share your winter survival secrets in the comments below.

-Ashly Grzyb