ML Interest Tag: face

9 Expert Tips to Help Kids Deal with Disappointment

by Shahrzad Warkentin

The birthday invite didn’t come. They didn’t get the part in the school play. Their best friend moved away. Sound familiar? As parents, we have the (unpleasant) task of watching our kids learn the same life lessons we did in our childhoods. It can be hard to resist the urge to make sure they never have to experience the frustration or sadness that comes with not getting what they want, but disappointment is a healthy emotion for kids and can contribute to their social and intellectual development, as noted in Psychology Today. The caveat? It only works if kids understand that being disappointed at times will help them achieve their goals in life. And that’s where we come in.

Even if they do understand (or at least try to), that doesn’t mean it feels good or comes easy. That’s why we’ve enlisted a few experts to offer tips for parents when it comes to helping kids learn how to deal with disappointment. 

1. Empathize with Their Feelings

Licensed professional clinical counselor Melissa Marote says that, first and foremost, it’s essential to validate your kids’ feelings; really empathize with what they’re going through. Listen to their feelings and respond with things like, “This must be frustrating.” You should avoid compounding the negativity, however. As you discuss the things your kids are missing out on, Marote explains, try to put a positive spin on it. For example, encourage your kids to save up their excitement for all the things they will eventually get to do in the future.

2. Give Them Reassurance

Child development expert and creator of The Moodsters Denise Daniels, RN, MS, tells us that it’s important to remind kids that this is only temporary—the playdate will happen when it isn’t raining, and they’ll have the opportunity to try out for the team next season. It might be hard for young kids to picture life beyond the current day or week, but still, Daniels suggests having kids make a list of things they want to do in the future because there will always be another opportunity to try. 

3. Teach Self-Calming Skills

a sad little boy learning how to deal with disappointment
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Emotions can run high when kids are anxious and sad. Teaching kids how to calm down and manage their feelings is an essential tool for how to deal with anxiety. Marote suggests giving kids a breathing technique to oxygenate the brain and help kids think more clearly. Show your kids how to take a deep breath in and then blow out, like they’re blowing out birthday candles or making bubbles. For younger kids, blowing real bubbles is another excellent method, Marote says.

One more tip for the little kids: talking to a stuffed animal. Kids are so close and connected to their stuffed animals, which makes them a great comfort for kids who are dealing with hard feelings. Tell your kids, “Talk to your teddy bear about how sad you are,” Marote says.

4. Give Them a Choice

So, a trip to the indoor playground or a group trip with friends to a nearby amusement park is out. Naturally, your kids will be disappointed, but you can give them some power (especially when they’re smaller and they feel like they have none) by offering them a choice. “Our plans have changed, and your outing with friends has to be postponed. What if you pick the movie for family movie night and we’ll look for another day that works for the group?”

5. Redirect Focus

For kids that become very hyper-focused on negative feelings, it can be helpful to use distraction techniques when learning how to deal with disappointment, Marote says. Suggest an impromptu game of “I, Spy” or get creative by asking kids to draw a picture about how they’re feeling. Other ideas include reading a funny book or watching a silly video, asking them trivia questions, and telling them jokes. This is especially important when it’s close to bedtime and you’re trying to keep things positive before sleep.

6. Don’t Fix It

a mom helping her son learn how to deal with disappointment
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This is a hard one. Whether you want to make your kids feel better or you figure you can just take care of it (fix the toy, help find the sock, bring the forgotten homework to school), it’s more effective to act as a guide when kids are learning how to deal with disappointment, according to PBS. Ask questions that will help them troubleshoot what happened and how they feel about the problem. “How did you feel when that happened? What do you wish had happened instead? How can we turn this into something good?

7. Stick with Your Normal Routine

In times of stress, encourage kids to keep regular times of going to bed, eating meals, and doing homework, Daniels says. Having a basic plan for the day is essential because kids thrive on predictability. When something doesn’t work out, at least they’ll know what should happen down the line. 

8. Find Time to Have Special Moments

If your kids are bummed because they can’t attend their friend’s birthday or their favorite ice cream flavor isn’t available or they missed the final shot on goal, take the opportunity to plan something else fun. This doesn’t mean you have to take them to the amusement park or invest tons of money; just spend quality time together and you’ll see their moods lift.  

9. Don’t Underestimate the Power of Hugs

Close contact, like hugs, can go a long way to providing kids with comfort when they’re learning how to deal with disappointment. That way, they’ll know you might not fix the problem, but you’ll always be there to offer comfort. Marote also suggests encouraging younger kids to hug their stuffies when they’re feeling sad or anxious. If you’re dealing with disappointed tweens or teens, look for signs that they’re ready for a hug or having you in their personal space. If it doesn’t happen, remember that being nearby and ready to listen is just as important. 

Related: 9 ‘Harmless’ Phrases That Hurt Kids More Than You Think

—with additional reporting by Gabby Cullen

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20 Baby Games to Play with Your Child from Birth to Age 1

by Katie L. Carroll

You waited 9 months and baby is finally here. And even though you’re ready to have fun with that little bundle, baby—not so much (especially during those first few months). But in between the diaper changes, naps, and feedings, you and your little one can find time to play simple games that benefit baby’s development. Playing helps babies learn about the world and develop new motor skills and social skills. The key is knowing at what age they’re ready for baby games like peekaboo and blowing bubbles. Here’s an age-by-age guide for the best games to play with babies at different times during their first year.

Games for Babies: 0-3 Months

two moms play peek a boo, games for babies, with a newborn on a bed
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1. Imitation Game

Your face is your baby’s favorite thing to look at. Keep it about a foot away from your newborn so they see you properly, and then stick out your tongue or form an O with your mouth. Before you know it, baby will copy you. Bonus points for making silly noises to go along with your expressions.

2. Singing

Newborns might not be able to see you from across the room, but they can hear you, and they recognize (and love) your voice. Sing a lullaby or “Wheels on the Bus,” belt out your favorite song or commercial jingle, or make up a song about your daily activities. It doesn’t matter if you’re out of tune, your voice gives your baby comfort and joy.

3. Flashcards

While even the smartest newborn nerd isn’t ready for math or reading flashcards yet, simple images from cards or books get their attention. Black and white images, simple patterns and bright colors are easiest for them to see at this age. They also love images of other babies. All you have to do is hold up the card, point at the picture, and talk about the image. Or put it down in front of them to explore during tummy time.

4. Hanging Toys

Your little one might not be reaching out for toys yet, but looking at them is one of their favorite baby games. Hang a mobile above the crib or find an activity gym with hanging toys and lay baby on their back to enjoy. Baby-safe mirrors are great, too. Babies won’t know it’s their face, but that won’t dampen their enthusiasm for staring at it or reaching out for it.

5. Repetitive Routine

While the endless cycle of eating, burping, sleeping, diapers and baths may not be thrilling for you, it’s your baby’s whole world. Add some fun to the routine by singing a song during bath time, dancing after a diaper change, or stopping to look at framed photos of family members. Whatever you do, the key is doing it consistently.

Related: Baby Games: 7 Sure-Fire Ways to Amuse Your Baby

Games for Babies: 4-6 Months

two dads hold a baby in the bed playing games
iStock

6. Interactive Stories

Your little one is a bit more responsive at this age. Change up those simple newborn activities for slightly more interactive baby games. This is a great time to introduce games like “This Little Piggy.” They don’t require independent movement from baby, but kids find the story super fun.

7. Moving Tummy Time

Put tummy time in motion to mix things up. Once your baby has pretty good head control, lay them on their stomach on a small blanket. Then slowly pull them around the room. Make motor or train noises for even more silly fun.

8. Blowing Bubbles

You don’t need to wait until baby’s old enough to chase after bubbles to introduce then. At this age, babies are starting to see better, so they will be fascinated with the moving rainbows of bubbles. Blow the bubbles near them but not directly at them to keep the soap out of their eyes.

9. Echo Noises

When your baby makes a happy noise, make one back. If they blow bubbles with their lips, blow some back. You’ll get big smiles real quick from this imitation game.

10. How Big Is Baby?

It’s amazing how fast those early months fly by. Your six-month-old will seem huge in comparison with how little they were just a few months ago, making the classic “How Big Is Baby?” game all the more poignant. To play, hold baby’s hands and ask in a sweet voice, “How big is baby?” Then put their hands up over their head and say, “This big!” Mix it up by replacing “big” with different adjectives smart, sweet, etc.

Games for Babies: 7-9 Months

a dad kisses his baby on the forehead, baby sitting on the counter, playing games for babies
iStock

11. Patty Cake

You don’t need to retire those songs from the newborn stage, but continue to up the game with tunes that have motions and finger play to go along with them. Start by showing the motions to songs like “Patty Cake,” “Itsy-Bitsy Spider” and “Wheels on the Bus.” You can also help babies do the motions with their hands.

12. Peekaboo

By now your baby is beginning to have an understanding of object permanence, knowing that when things are out of sight, they aren’t gone forever. If your little one hasn’t already discovered the joy that is peekaboo, this is the perfect time to try it out. Hide your face behind your hands, hide baby’s face behind your hands, or pop out from behind a door or curtain. You can also hide or partially hide objects (like putting a musical toy under a blanket) to see if your child will look for them.

13. Flying Baby

At this age, your baby should have enough control and strength for some flying time on your knees. Lay flat on your back or slightly propped up on a pillow. Use your bent legs to support your baby’s body, hold their hands, and gently fly them around. You can go up and down, side-to-side or a combination of the two. Sound effects and silly songs are mandatory with this activity.

14. Roll the Ball

Once your child is able to sit, sit across from them and roll a ball toward them. At first, baby probably won’t roll it back, but they might pick it up and play with it or chew on it. When they lose interest in the ball, pick it up and roll it back to them to start the game over. Eventually, they’ll be rolling it back to you.

Related: The Smart Parents’ Guide to Montessori Toys for Babies & Toddlers

Games for Babies: 10-12 Months

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15. Sensory Boxes

Nothing is more fun for your older baby than taking things out of a box and putting them back in. Fill a box or bin with a combination of balls, soft blocks, small books, scarves or baby-safe household items like a wooden spatula. Look for objects that have different textures and are big enough not to be choking hazards. Show your child how to take things out of the box and put them back in. It won’t be long before they’re dumping out and rearranging every box they can get their hands on, not to mention your purse and diaper backpack.

16. Obstacle Course

Let the baby games begin! Chances are your little explorer is on the move, or ready to be soon. Whether scooting, crawling, walking or full-on climbing, a baby-appropriate pillow obstacle course is a good energy burner. Set out couch cushions or pillows all around the floor. Demonstrate how to climb over, around or peek under them and then watch your kid go.

17. Dance Time

There are so many ways to enjoy dancing with your baby. You don’t have to stick to baby music; play your favorite tunes if you’d like. Sit on the floor together and bop your head and body or pretend to play an instrument. Baby might not be ready for air guitar yet, but it won’t take much prompting to get them bopping along to the beat. You can also hold baby in your arms and spin in slow circles or sway back and forth. Or sit them in your lap and bounce them on your knees in time to the music.

18. Stack & Attack

Stacking cups, stacking rings and blocks are a favorite for your almost one-year-old. In fact, any items that can be put on top of one another and knocked back down without breaking are fair game. Try plastic storage containers, empty yogurt containers, or small boxes and bring in your little destructor to hulk-smash them down.

19. Bath Splash

A few plastic cups, clean sponges and washcloths add baby thrills to the nightly bath. Use the cups to show how they can be filled with water and them emptied. Squeeze the sponges and washcloths on baby’s belly. Show baby how to smack the water to make a big noise.

20. Make Noisemakers

Fill a clear plastic container with dry beans or rice. Give it a shake and roll it along the floor to show your baby how to make music with it. Add a few colored pom poms to the container to make the shaking even more interesting for your baby.

Related: Play All Day: 20 Sensory Play Ideas for Babies & Toddlers

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Newsflash! Trader Joe’s Just Dropped Its 2023 Beauty Advent Calendar

by Kate Loweth

This Advent calendar is a top seller at Trader Joe’s for the holiday season

Run, don’t walk to your closest Trader Joe’s. The grocer’s annual 12 Days of Beauty Advent Calendar is back for 2023!

Our editors spied the famed Trader Joe’s 12 Days of Beauty on Nov. 8, and it’s packed with plenty of must-have products. This coveted calendar tends to sell out before Thanksgiving, so if you’re in the market for one, act fast.

As soon as you bring this cutie into your car, the dreamy aroma of citrus will take over and you’ll be glad you nabbed it.

What will you find inside Trader Joe’s 12 Days of Beauty Advent calendar?

  • Lavender bath salts
  • Brazil nut hair mask
  • Gingerbread cookie moisturizing lip balm
  • Brown sugar carob lip scrub
  • Sweet nectarine scented ultra moisturizing hand cream
  • Neroli bamboo scented shave cream
  • Cake batter scented body butter
  • Orange popsicle scented exfoliating sugar scrub cube
  • Rice polish face cleansing powder
  • Vitamin C firming body butter
  • Yuzu bath fizzer
  • Daily facial sunscreen broad spectrum SPF 40

You can find the calendar in the beauty aisle of your local Trader Joe’s for $19.99—but not for long. This one is very popular!

While we were there, we also spied this year’s 12 Days of Scented Candles Advent Calendar for $29.99. We love this option along with the chocolate Advent calendars priced at just $1.99 and the Advent calendars for pets.

Keep an eye out for other holiday favorites that have been trickling in. All the elves on your list will want a bottle of Peppermint, Gingerbread, or Egg Nog Liqueur—perfect for all those holiday cocktails you’ll be mixing up. Felted wool trivets have been hitting the shelves, along with dog toys, holiday snacks, and the scented candle trio.

Cross your fingers that year’s felted wool garlands will come in the mini size again as we loved pairing them with our Elf on the Shelf along with those mini totes they sold last month. Get ready, Instagram!

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12 Printable Lunchbox Jokes to Brighten Your Student’s Day

by Kate Loweth

The lunch hour can’t come soon enough

The school year will be starting soon! While you’re busy thinking about school lunch ideas for kids, don’t forget that there’s nothing that puts a smile on a kid’s face like a surprise note or joke tucked into their lunch box. We gathered up a few of our favorites and made printable lunchbox jokes. Click here or on the image below to print them up—we hope they brighten your student’s day!

printable lunchbox jokes

Don’t stop with printable lunchbox jokes for kids. Check out our collection of jokes for kids below.

Not ready for fall?

Stay with the season with our funny summer jokes

Are you hoping to get the kids excited to head back to the classroom?

Be sure to check out our school jokes right here

Want to pull some up while waiting at the doctor’s office?

Try our ultimate list of jokes for kids

Looking for jokes for their special day?

Check out our list of birthday jokes for kids

How about jokes that are so bad they’re good?

This list of cheesy jokes will make anyone smile

What about jokes that don’t include any cringe-y content?

You’ll love this list of clean jokes for kids

What about little kids?

Yup, we’ve got jokes for toddlers too.

Believe it or not, we even have jokes about clothes.

They’ll totally giggle over these underwear jokes (that are mostly clean)

Looking to really challenge the kids?

This list of riddles for kids will do the trick

You can get a head start on your holiday season, too.

Check out these spook-tacular Halloween jokes for kids

Enjoy these funny Christmas jokes

Let your heart swell by reading 20 Valentine’s Day jokes for kids

Laugh out loud over our very funny dad jokes and puns.

We sure know how to pick ’em with this list of pickle jokes!

Everyone’s favorite hands-on food gets to shine with these National Taco Day jokes

 

 

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Snow Much Fun! The 15 Best Sledding and Snow Tubing Stops

by Meghan Yudes Meyers

Grab your sled and snow tube because these city hills and nearby resorts are the best spots for your family’s next downhill adventure

One of life’s simplest thrills is soaring down a snowy hill on a cold winter day. Whether you prefer a toboggan, a snow tube, or a simple sled, the rush of a steep slope can be enjoyed by nearly everyone. Better yet: if you’ve got sledding enthusiasts in your house, you don’t have to wait for it to snow to hit the hills! We found the best nearby resorts for all-winter fun, two indoor spots where you can sled all day no matter the weather, and—for when it actually does snow—the top-rated hills in the city. From a winter road trip to the largest snow tubing track in the country to the steepest hill in the city (as well as our favorite gentle slope), here are the best places to toboggan, sled, and snow tube near Washington, DC.

The Best Sledding Hills in Washington, DC

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The U.S. Capitol

When it snows, the West Lawn welcomes sledders from dawn to dusk. The AOC (Architects of the Capitol) offer a list of tips to make sure your snowy adventure is a safe one. At times, sledding on Capitol Grounds may be restricted for a number of reasons, including construction and heightened security. Please check the Capitol website before you go

First St SE
National Mall
Online: aoc.gov

Battery Kemble Park

Battery Kemble Park is one of the city's best kept, tourist-free secrets. This small patch of undeveloped land sits neatly tucked away in a residential area. Coast down a Civil War battery used by Union Soldiers for an afternoon of fresh-air fun!

3035 Chain Bridge Rd NW
Wesley Heights   
Online: nps.gov

Book Hill Park

Located in Georgetown, this steep slope attracts (a huge number of) enthusiastic sledders looking for high-speed thrills. If you've got little ones in tow, we suggested skipping this park that requires maneuvering around trees, bushes and crowds. If you've got experienced sledders, enjoy!

Wisconsin Ave. NW & Reservoir Rd. NW
Georgetown
Online: bookhillparkdc.com

Washington Monument

This famous hill offers a gradual slope for pint sized sledders. While not a popular at the Capitol Grounds, it does offer a gentle ride for new sledders. If it's not fast enough for your little ones, walk up to the Capitol for more speed.

2 15th St NW
National Mall 
Online. nps.gov

Fort Reno Park

Climb Fort Reno's hill and you've reached the highest natural point in DC! This slope is known for it's longer-than-usual ride. While this is a popular spot to sled, sledders can usually space out for a safe experience. Tenleytown is a quick walk from the park; warm up at Steak n' Eggs diner with a  hot chocolate and all-day breakfast.

4000 Chesapeake St NW
Tenleytown
Online: nps.gov

Indoor Sledding (and Sliding!) for All-Weather Fun near Washington DC

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ICE! featuring A Christmas Story

Suit up in a blue parka to explore this exhibit chilled to a freezing 9 degrees Fahrenheit. Over 2 million pounds of brightly colored ice is hand-carved to depict larger-than-life scenes from the beloved holiday movie, A Christmas Story. Famous scenes from the movie are reimagined as ice carvings, including the famous department store Santa scene. Your parka acts as a wearable sled while you zip down this slide made completely of ice.

Cost: $27.99-44.99
Dates: Now-Dec. 31

201 Waterfront St.
National Harbor, MD
Online: gaylordnational.com

Snow Flow Mountain

Rip down Snow Flow Mountain at thrilling speeds on bumper-safe icy terrain. At Gaylord National Harbor, you can hop in a tube and safely race down an entirely ice-covered hill where, if you pick up enough momentum, a cushy bumper will end your ride. You must be at least 42-inches to ride and tubers are single occupant lanes only. Purchase a ticket and go with the flow (of snow!) all day!

Cost: $24.99
Dates: Now-Dec. 31

201 Waterfront St.
National Harbor, MD
Online: gaylordnational.com

The Best Resorts for Snow Tubing near Washington, DC

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Bubly Tube Park at Liberty Mountain

Liberty Mountain is one of the closest slopes to DC, and the lodge provides shuttle buses straight from the parking lot to the tube track so you don't have to waste energy trekking to the mountain. Bubly Tube Park has 15 lanes available for visitors to shoot down. Translation? Long lines are non-existent. And if you're lucky, you and the fam will have a slide all  to yourselves! Younger families can head over to the Kiddie Tubing area where kids smaller than 41" can tube safely.

Cost: $12/41" & under; $40/ 42" & up
Dates: Dec. 23-Mar. 12

78 Country Club Trail
Carroll Valley, PA
Online: libertymountainresort.com

Whitetail Resort

Located just over the border in PA, Whitetail Resort is a great place for first time snow tubing adventures. Families with children over five-years-old can make the runs down the hill together and for those with littler tubers, Whitetail’s kiddie section is smaller and less scary than the big hill. Sessions are first-come, first served and sold in two hour time slots online.

Cost: $10/41" & under; $37/42" & up
Dates: Dec. 17-Mar. 12

13805 Blairs Valley Rd.
Mercersburg, PA
Online: skiwhitetail.com

Roundtop Mountain Resort

This family-friendly mountain features 800' runs with an 80' ft vertical drop. If that's too much zip for your little, they can cruise at a slower speed on the kiddie hill. Thanks to the snow makers, you can always bet on snow at this mountain!

Cost: $10/41" & under; $36/42" & up
Dates: Dec. 26-Mar. 12

925 Roundtop Rd.,
Lewisberry, PA
Online: skiroundtop.com

Bryce Resort

Just a two hour drive from downtown DC can have you and your family on the Bryce Resort tubing track for some fast paced fun. Tubers over 4-years-can spend 90 minutes zipping down these slopes; kids over 8 can hit the tubing track alone while mom and dad catch some quality time by the fire at the resorts Copper Kettle or the Fireside Grill restaurants.

Cost: $33/person
Dates: Dec. 12-Mar. 5

1982 Fairway Dr.
Basye, VA
Online: bryceresort.com

Massanutten Resort

 
Just a quick 2 hr. and 28 minute from downtown DC, Massanutten Resort has earned a reputation as one of the best tubing spots near DC with its 900 ft. hill  and 120 ft. vertical drop. Due to its popularity, this tubing spot has been known to sell out on weekends and holidays. Go mid-week to skip the crowds and score discounted tickets. New this year: a conveyor belt that transports guests quickly up the hill for more downhill action.
 
Cost: $25-40
Dates: Dec. 17-Mar. 5

1822 Resort Dr.
McGaheysville, VA
Online: massresort.com

Worth-The-Drive Sledding Destinations near Washington, DC

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Camelback Resort

With over 40 lanes to tube down, Camelback Resort wins the "biggest snowtubing park" award in the country! A Magic Carpet whisks you up the steep side of this mountain so you can enjoy 2 fun-filled hours of tubing. Nab tickets for an evening slot and the snow is aglow with vibrant colors for a Galactic experience. Kids must be 44" tall to ride alone. When you've had enough of the winter weather, head indoors for America's #1 rated indoor waterpark.

Cost: $50/person
Dates: Season TBD

193 Resort Dr.
Tannersville, PA
Online: camelbackresort.com

Penguin Slides Tubing Park at The Omni Homestead Resort 

Make a weekend out of winter activities at The Omni Homestead Resort. Reservations for one-hour time slots on the Penguin Slides Tubing Park hill must be made in advance (must be 5 & up and over 48" tall). This Park makes tubing a relaxing activity; a conveyor belt transports guests back up the hill so they don't have to exhaust themselves on the climb. Other resort activities include mini snowmobiles JUST for kids (ages 6-12), ice skating and (for beginners) there is the 9-trail mountain for budding skiers.

Cost: $27 ($22/resort guests)
Dates: Seasons starts Dec. 22

7696 Sam Snead Hwy.
Hot Springs, VA 24445
Online: omnihotels.com

Blue Mountain Resort

If you're looking for a change of scenery, head to the PA for winter thrills. There are over 10 resorts to tube (and ski) in the Pocono Mountains. and Blue Mountain offers the fastest and longest lanes in the region—and the state! This resort has 46 lanes, so you never have to wait long for another run (fun fact: they are now the largest snow tubing park in the country!). And 3 running lifts means you spend more time sledding than toting that tube back up the hill (and with over 1,000 feet of sledding, you're not going to want to walk). Stay at near-by Woodloch Resort and snow tubing—while not as "extreme" as the Blue Mountain experience—is complimentary with your stay.

Cost: $20
Dates: TBD

1660 Blue Mountain Dr.
Palmerton, PA
Online: skibluemt.com

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She’s Just Not That Into You: When Adult Friendships End

By Melanie Forstall

“She doesn’t want to be my friend anymore.”

We’ve certainly been there. As a mother of two young children, I’ve unfortunately had both of them make this sad declaration. Relational aggression in young children is a real thing, and it happens far earlier than I was prepared for. It forced us to have discussions about complex feelings and emotions much earlier than anticipated. As an adult, though, this doesn’t really happen, right? That’s what I thought until it happened to me.

I have a long history of great relationships with women, yet when it comes to my current circle of friends, it’s relatively small. Which, for me, is perfectly fine. I would much rather have a few, strong friendships than a huge circle of people I don’t truly love being around. Friendships change, shrink and expand—I get that, but I wasn’t necessarily prepared for a friend to leave me.

As I look back at some of my relationships, I see that many were situational. We were friends because we worked together, had a class together, the list goes on. Situational friendships are like the seasons, they come and go, but they can be just as wonderful as life-long ones.

When I first started teaching, the greatest blessing, besides our amazing principal, was the women I worked with. This was a group of strong, kick-ass humans who persisted daily to get stuff done. We were faced with a number of challenges but consistently greeted each day with a passion and joy that permeated the school. We were smart, beautiful, hard-working, and clearly committed to our job and each other. While I’m no longer teaching there, I’m still very much in contact with many of these women. I could call any one of them tomorrow and pick up right where we left off. Some of us, 15 years later, still exchange Christmas cards.

My friendships now are different. They really are no longer situational, in large part because my life is relatively permanent. I’m not working my way through college and I’m (thankfully) no longer in graduate school. I’m firmly planted. So, it was my assumption that one friendship, in particular, was ef for the long haul as well.

We were friends. We lived close to each other so getting together was a regular occurrence. We talked and laughed through playdates with our kids that lasted for hours. It was easy, and I could tell her just about anything. She was the next person, after my husband, to know I was pregnant with my second child. She called me when there was an emergency with one of her children. She called me to share cupcakes. There were so many things that signaled friendship permanence—kids’ ages, school, church, proximity. It just made sense that we’d always be friends.

I realized one day, somewhat out of the blue, that the calls to chat and texts to set up playdates were totally lopsided. It stopped me in my tracks. When it came to flexing the friendship muscle, I was the one doing all the heavy lifting. I felt a flush of embarrassment. Was I the only one interested in keeping this friendship alive? Should I say something? I tried to assure myself that I was imagining it all, so instead of an awkward, dramatic confrontation, I pulled back. I intentionally pulled back for about a week to see what happened. Nothing. I swallowed hard.

Her birthday came along and even though we had not talked or texted for a few weeks, I knew it was her birthday. It’s one thing if I forget, but to knowingly ignore someone’s birthday is something I just can’t do, so I sent her a birthday text along with birthday cake and celebration emojis. I felt a pang of embarrassment but knew it was the right thing to do. After that, the friendship went completely dark.

I spent some time during the weeks after rummaging through my memories trying to figure out what had happened. Was it something I did? Something I said? Was I not enough for her? Was I too much for her? The truth is, I will never know and thankfully I’m in a place now where I really don’t want to know. I don’t want to unearth something that I likely can’t do anything to fix, repair, or remedy. It’s over, and I have to be okay with that.

I know that I will never be everything to anyone and that may mean people will leave me. I guess I’d rather have a painful breakup than stay in a friendship that isn’t healthy. Especially if the other person doesn’t want to be friends anymore. If ending the friendship was best for her, then honestly, I am happy for her.

The thing is, though, when we were friends, we talked about exactly that. Doing what’s best for yourself no matter what. She was often stuck in situations she was unable to get out of because of the fear of upsetting those around her. I often encouraged her not to worry about what other people thought. “Do what’s best for you and your family. Even if other people don’t like it.”

So, maybe I should have seen this coming? Well, maybe not. Friendships come in and out of our lives for seasons and sometimes for reasons. While I enjoyed this friendship for the season, all I can hope for is that it existed for a reason.

Melanie Forstall is a full-time mother, full-time wife, full-time teacher, and never-enough-time blogger at Melanie Forstall: Stories of Life, Love, and Mothering. She holds a doctorate in education and yet those many years of schooling have proved to be utterly useless when it comes to actual mothering.

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Easy DIY Frankenstein Costume for Kids

by Amber Guetebier

This easy DIY monster costume comes together in minutes!

October 31st is coming up fast, and if you want a charming Halloween costume for kids on the quick that you don’t need to worry about getting ruined, then look no further than this DIY Frankenstein costume. If they don’t want to be a monster, check out our other favorite last-minute Halloween costume ideas here.

DIY Frankenstein Costume
Amber Guetebier

Frankenstein Costume Supplies

old pants: anything with blown-out knees, ripped pockets, stains, or just too short, all work

an old shirt, ideally a turtleneck if you want to try to add the bolts. Best in any lighter color, not black or navy blue.

a black Sharpie

Optional: plastic toy bolts; yarn to add stitches

A slightly oversized blazer

For the face paint: green face paint and a black eyeliner

How to Make a Frankenstein Costume

Step 1. Shred It
Just go ahead and cut holes in the pants here and there. If it's cold when you go trick-or-treating, you can always wear an extra layer underneath (green is ideal!).

Step 2. Stitchery
Draw simple stitches on your shirt and a few across the pants. If you want to add some yarn stitches you can do that too.

Step 3. Neck Bolts  

Basic: We used a turtleneck and a pair of plastic kid's bolts from a construction game. You essentially just cut small holes, slide the bolts in (backward), and put the nuts on to hold them in place. You could spray paint them silver if you want (we left ours black). The fabric of the turtleneck kept them from poking the neck or making it uncomfortable.

More advanced: You can also try making bolts using a headband to slide around the neck (this works well for older kids but little ones will probably lose track of this). We love this tutorial which is a little more involved but a bit comfier/less bulky.

Step 4. Face Paint

No need to go overboard with the green paint: you can make it a faint green that's relatively easy to wipe back off. Take black eyeliner and make stitch marks. Avoid putting marks over the eye or too near it as it makes it harder to wipe off later.

Don a blazer for the oh-so-Karloff look. Snowboots look great as clunky shoes, but sneakers will do the trick for your active tots.

Tip: This basic costume can be altered to become a zombie!

 

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I Was Obsessed With ‘Self-Help’—Until I Realized It Wasn’t Helpful

By Eda Schottenstein

As a mom of four school-aged children and wife to an adventurous serial entrepreneur, trying to get work done while completing my graduate degree means there is never a dull moment.

To best manage my ever-changing and often chaotic schedule, I have read dozens of self-help books and amassed a treasure trove of tips and tools on how to live better and tap into my potential. I adopted high-performance habits, witnessed the life-changing magic of tidying up, embraced my imperfections, joined the 5 a.m. club, tapped into the power of now, and stopped apologizing. To say I “put in the work” would be an understatement.

In the midst of the pandemic ups and downs, I was grateful for the survival tips and life hacks that helped keep me stay sane while navigating uncharted territory. I shared many useful tools and life hacks on my blog and adapted them to help my clients move closer to their intended goals.

What happened next came somewhat unexpectedly. I went from “self-help junkie” to “self-help skeptic.” I discovered that what worked for me often didn’t work for others. In fact, tips that worked for some clients were sometimes detrimental to others and accomplished the opposite of their desired outcome.

I realized how important it was for me to understand the narrative beneath a particular individual’s desire for change before digging into which tools and lifestyle hacks are best suited for them. This was the most sustainable way to pave a path toward alignment between their core values and building the life they truly wanted.

Instead of looking for answers, we started digging for better questions. The tools are great, but are they great for you? Why do you want this change now? For example, facing fears can be a good thing, but does the notion of facing your fears apply in all situations?

Here’s another example: The often quoted “If it’s not a hell yes, it’s a no” has resulted in people saying no because it simply doesn’t “feel” good to say yes. Perhaps there are certified people-pleasers out there who can benefit from this approach, but if we adopt this view without deeper questioning, we run the risk of becoming narcissists, looking out for our own interests at the expense of others.

Un-Selfing Help

I have no doubt that the many self-help books I read have had a profound impact on my life and helped change it for the better. I feel a deep sense of gratitude to Brene, Eckhart, Dale, and all the self-help gurus who have made it their life’s mission to help us tap into our potential.

Despite having experienced tremendous growth from the self-help tools I adopted (I still wake up at 5 a.m. and get loads of stuff done before the kids take over) and from my graduate studies in psychology, my endless curiosity about the human condition helped me identify missing components of the puzzle that I previously wasn’t aware of.

The Spiritual Approach

In his best-selling and widely acclaimed book Morality: Restoring the Common Good in Divided Times, Rabbi Lord Jonathan Sacks shares a profound truth that completely altered the way I understood self-help and self-care.

While the willpower and desire for change come from us, for most of us it is the quality of our relationships that give us meaning and fulfillment, and it is in our ability to love and care for another that we can go beyond our “self.”

Sacks proposes we shift from “I” to “We” and become concerned with the welfare of others as though it were our own. Sacks argues that “the only people that will save us from ourselves is ‘We’ the People.”

While this concept isn’t new, we have seen a lot of new research on the link between taking responsibility and doing for others and improved physical health, mental health, increased happiness levels, and so forth. In a survey of people in 136 countries, people who had donated money to charity were happier than those who had not, and today we see the direct health benefits of helping others and volunteering.

The interdependent nature of our society is perhaps more evident today than ever, and in a post-COVID world, we will have a rare opportunity to re-examine the role of self-help and self-care and recognize the inescapable link between the “self” and the “other,” which will hopefully lead us to a place of greater connection, fulfillment and increased joy.

I have always loved looking to research for guidance on best practices for more wholesome living, and so I continue to share tips with my clients and on my blog. My hope is that you might do the same and adopt what works for you while remaining curious and having in mind that there is no one size fits all formula for success.

As a recovering perfectionist, I can tell you that when success is measured on someone else’s barometer or defined by external forces (e.g., standards of others, validation, results) as opposed to internal ones (the inherent value of what we are doing or want to do), not only do we become more likely to “cheat” the system (like using that oh-so-tempting Instagram filter that makes us look flawless), but we also begin to cheat our systems—the one inside ourselves that is left feeling continuously depleted, as though we are never enough.

Finally, time is a precious, unrenewable resource, so use it wisely. How are you spending your time? Take note of what you can change to move closer toward your intended goals and not someone else’s. I couldn’t think of a better quote that beautifully encapsulates this principle than this verse from Hillel the Elder: “If I am not for myself, who will be for me. If I am only for myself, what am I? If not now, then when?”

Originally published November 2020.

Eda Schottenstein is a mental health awareness advocate, founder of The Multi-Role Woman, children’s book author and mother of four. She is passionate about helping women who “struggle with the juggle,” guiding them to bridge the gap between where they are and where they aspire to be.

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15 Easy Ways to Tell Kids You’re Proud of Them

by Leah R. Singer

It probably goes without saying that parents are always feeling proud of their kids for one reason or another, whether your son finished a difficult reading assignment or your daughter scored her first soccer goal. But just as important as their accomplishment is how you show your kids that feeling of pride. From words of advice to simple acts of kindness, here are 15 great ways parents can show their kids they are proud of them.

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1. Say "I'm proud of you." First and foremost, tell your kiddo you're proud of them when the time arises. You don't have to say this every day, but those words are encouragement are very meaningful to kids when they hear it from mom or dad.

2. Write them a note. Express pride by writing a little note or giving your little one a card or drawing that tells them you're proud of who they are as people or praises them for an accomplishment.

3. Talk about the obstacles. If your kid is struggling with an activity such as soccer or reading, offer support and recognize the obstacles he's facing.  At the same time, express your pride that your kiddo is facing those challenges.

4. Share some cookies. Nothing says love and pride like homemade chocolate chip cookies. Bake a batch of cookies and offer one to your son or daughter for being a great kid. Not a baker? Treat your kiddo to a cookie at the bakery counter at the grocery store instead.

5. Say you're proud in front of others. It's one thing if you tell your daughter you're proud of her. It's another when she hears you saying it to grandma or grandpa. Tell others how proud you are when your kids do something worthy of praise.

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6. Don't forget the small stuff. Of course, parents are proud when their son scores a goal or accomplishes a major milestone. But don't forget to show pride and offer words of encouragement when your kiddo does something small, such as help to set the table or read a book to her younger sibling.

7. Read a book to your kid about how you feel. Express pride through a children's book or story. After you finish reading the book, explain to your little one that the pride you feel is just like what the characters in the book feel.

8. Do an activity together. Show your kids how proud you are of them by participating in a family activity together. If your kids have been working on improving their physical activity, sign the family up for a 1-mile fun run and explain that it's a family reward.

9. Hug them. Showing affection is always a good thing. A hug not only expresses love but can also show your little one you're proud of them too.

10. Praise your son/daughter for the things they're working on. Recognize the process itself is an accomplishment. Tell your son you're proud of his work on accomplishing the larger goal still being worked on.

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11. Go to the park, a movie or an outing. If you want something more than words of encouragement, look for an activity to do together as a way to express pride. A trip to the park, movie or museum is a great expression of pride.

12. Tell them you're grateful to be their parent. We're proud of our kids for what they do, but make sure your little one knows you're also proud to be their parent, too.

13. Say "I believe in you." You've told your kiddo you're proud, but what about telling them you also believe in them and have confidence in their choices. That's a point of pride in itself.

14. Praise your kid for the great choices they make. Tell your little ones why you're proud of them by explaining how they've made good choices. Hearing that and the words of encouragement will only motivate them to continue their positive behavior.

15. Give a small gift. You don't want to make it a habit of expressing pride through gift-giving. But perhaps there's a special circumstance when your kid has been working hard on accomplishing a goal. When she reaches the goal, give her a small gift and tell her how proud you are.

moms getting kids involved in the kitchen
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16. Let your kiddo decide what's for dinner. Maybe you have a picky eater at home who just went an entire week eating her veggies. Express your pride in that accomplishment by letting her pick the Friday night dinner.

17. Say "thank you." It's often these words of encouragement and daily conversations with our little ones that the greatest impact. Expressing thanks is just one way to share words of encouragement and pride.

18. Point out the positive in a negative situation. So often, we get too focused on the negative situations that occur every day. For every negative instance, try focusing on something positive your kiddo did and tell him you're proud of that.

19. Don't forget to be proud if they own up to their mistakes. Your son may have accidentally broke an item at home, but he told you what happened. It's okay to be upset about the broken object, but make sure to tell your son you're proud that he told the truth. This will make future confessions easier.

20. Hang the accomplishment on the fridge. If you're proud your kiddo did well on an exam or drew a pretty picture, display it proudly on the refrigerator or bulletin board for family and friends to see.

RELATED STORIES:
25 Things You Should Say to Your Kids Every Day
Your Daughter Needs to Hear You Say These 8 Things
14 Things I Want My Daughters to Know

 

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