ML Interest Tag: feel-anxious

9 Tips for Baby’s First Holiday Season, From a Mom of Six

by Suzanna Logan

A seasoned mom shares all the best ways to navigate the festive season with a wee one

They say it’s the most wonderful time of the year—and it is!—but even at the best of times the holidays can be a tad stressful, from travel logistics and finding the right gifts for everyone on your list to those less-than-subtle comments from relatives. Now throw a newborn into the mix and suddenly the season has an entirely new sense of magic, plus a fresh set of challenges as you navigate ever-changing sleep schedules, seasonal viruses, and an overwhelming number of commitments. As a mom of six, I’ve journeyed through my share of holidays with a new baby in tow (my third was born one week to the day before Christmas, and I really wish I’d had this list back then). Drawing from personal experience and expert advice, here are some tried-and-true tips for helping a new mom survive (or even thrive!) this holiday season.

1. In Good Health

No matter the season, keeping your babe healthy is always priority number one, but it’s especially important to be on guard with a newborn during the holidays. Baby’s immature immune system, large crowds gathering indoors, and the circulation of respiratory viruses make for the perfect storm. Dr. Priya Thomas, founder of Mindful Pediatrics & Adolescent Medicine and mom of three, explains the risk. “An adult who just has a cold can pass along RSV, which can become severe in young babies.” Her advice is to steer clear of the crowds, practice proper hand-washing, and ask others to do the same before holding your infant. “Parents should feel empowered in this area, as it’s a matter of the health of the newborn,” says Thomas. But she is quick to remind us that that doesn’t mean new parents need to skip all the fun with friends and family. “This is the time to be creative. You don’t have to miss out on the holiday cheer, just avoid the large holiday parties and opt for a more intimate gathering in your home,” she suggests.

Related: 3 Ways to Protect Your Baby From Respiratory Viruses, According to a Nurse

2. Respond Right

As you spend more time with family and friends in the coming weeks, expect a flurry of questions and offers of unsolicited advice. (Take it from me, this time of year they’re as reliable as busy stores and even busier parking lots.) For example, if your little one’s sleep schedule coincides with a family event, you might hear remarks like, “We never cared about schedules in my day.” While these comments are often well-intended, they may not be helpful, especially when tender, postpartum emotions are swirling. To ease the pressure of responding in the moment, prepare a general response ahead of time, such as “We’re doing what we think is best for our baby.” Give your response with confidence and a smile, then gracefully transition the conversation to a more enjoyable topic. And, if tensions escalate still, take some advice from Theresa Gray, founder of Blooms of Grace Counseling. “If you’re noticing that you’re starting to feel anxious, angry or stressed, it’s okay to step away for a moment,” she shares. “Take deep breaths that fill your belly and relax your jaw and visualize a peaceful scene or memory.”

3. Baby Yourself

This time of year is all about giving, so go ahead and give yourself the gift of a break. “Self-care is often thought of as things like hot baths, mani-pedis, and shopping trips with friends, but those aren’t really the things that recharge us,” explains Gray. “Instead, self-care during this busy and highly sociable season might be to get up before the baby to prepare yourself and your heart for the day.” She continues: “It should include spending intentional time with your spouse or close friends and asking for help and communicating the needs and desires you have.”

a toddler sleeping on their tummy for a story about when babies can sleep on their stomach
iStock

4. Respect the Nap… Or Don’t

With all of the added festivities, the holidays are notorious for throwing off routines. As the parent, you get to decide whether to toss your schedule to the wind or politely decline any events that may mess it up. In my early years of motherhood, I took the respect-the-nap-at-all-costs approach. Although I missed out on certain events, I enjoyed the outings I did take because I had a happy, rested sidekick. Now, six kiddos in, we tend to let baby nap on the go, and she generally thrives in the spontaneity. In the end, how much to alter your baby’s schedule over the holidays is up to you and the kind of kid you have. “There is wisdom in keeping to a schedule, as there is a physiological need for that, but some flexibility is good, too,” says Thomas. “I am all about being mindful of what works for your family.”

5. Layer Up

The weather outside can be frightful this time of year, so it’s especially important to dress your little one so that they’re warm and comfortable. Because infants aren’t able to regulate their body temperature yet, they can lose heat four times faster than adults—though that’s not a reason to keep them indoors, no matter how many times your grandma warns about catching your death of cold. “Your baby is not going to get sick from exposure to the cold, but do be mindful of low temperatures and proper clothing,” advises Dr. Thomas. Layering is the key to ensuring your tot doesn’t get too cold or too hot. The rule of thumb: Dress them in the same amount of clothing you’d wear yourself, then add a layer. Also, be sure little’s outfit includes a hat, as the head and face are where babies lose heat the quickest.

6. Travel Smart

If you’re hitting the road this year, it can be helpful to plan your drive around baby’s nap time or bedtime to help you travel in peace. If they’ll be awake for the drive, schedule in lots of stops for feeding and cuddling. If your babe is prone to fussiness in the car, consider a genius travel companion like this: the Baby Shusher. It has consistently calmed our crankiest car-bound babies (and also soothed their hyperventilating parents) for years. Another option is the Hatch portable sound machine, or just turn up the tunes. “Santa Baby,” anyone?

Related: 11 Do’s and Don’ts of Your Baby’s First Holiday Season

7. Toy Time

Now that you’re a parent, it’s time we break it to you: for the next decade, the holidays will be virtually synonymous with toys. So many toys. If you have family eager to load baby up with gifts, my seasoned-mom advice is to skip anything with batteries (a.k.a. noisemakers) and keep it simple. For young babies, an activity mat is a great choice, suggests Thomas. “You can do tummy time on the mat with a newborn even just for a few minutes,” she says. “Look for one with a mirror and different contrasting colorings and textures, things they can touch and feel or make sound.” For older babies, my go-to’s are wooden blocks, hand puppets, and board books, each of which develops their motor skills or fosters imagination and emotional connection.

a mom cuddling a bundled up baby during baby's first Christmas
iStock

8. Slow Down

During the holidays, we often feel the pressure of doing more, but this is your permission to slow down. Replace the holiday “ho-ho-ho” with “no-no-no.” “Self-care sometimes means saying ‘no,’” Theresa explains. “You don’t have to do everything and be everywhere. Choose the things that prioritize the health of your family and the reason for the season.” (Read that again if people-pleasing is your kryptonite.) Letting the hustle and bustle of the holidays pass while you soak up the simple pleasures—quietly snuggling up on the couch with your favorite festive bevy and your tiny little elf—may be the best thing you add to your schedule this season.

9. Nobody’s Perfect

Sometimes, the most precious moments are the least perfect. It took me a long time to learn this. For years, I aspired to have the perfect Christmas tree (you know the one, straight from a Pottery Barn catalog), but with so many curious little hands moving things around, I’d have to rush to secretly redo the ornaments each night after bedtime. Now, looking back, I realize that I missed the magic in pursuit of perfection. Learn from my loss and let go of the idea that there is an “ideal” Christmas or Hannukah card, photo, or party. Instead, be present with your baby and enjoy the moment, no matter how imperfectly (or downright messily!) it unfolds.

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement

Pediatrician Shares ‘Secret Milestones’ Most Parents Miss

by Christina Marfice

There are certain growth and developmental milestones that every parent is aware of (and inherently concerned about). Is your child rolling over at the right time? Crawling? Standing up? Talking? But one pediatrician says there are a lot of signs of healthy development that aren’t on the traditional milestone checklists—and in a viral TikTok video, she’s sharing them all for the anxious parents of the world.

Dr. Sami is one-half of the TikTok account @thepedipals, which features two pediatricians who share evidence-based advice and information with parents. In a recent video, she revealed her “superpower:” being able to predict certain actions that babies and toddlers do when their parents bring them into her clinic.

“It’s not like I’m some kind of genius, although if you want to think that for me, that’s totally fine,” she says. “It’s more that I just know because I’m a pediatrician.” She then proceeds to name some of the milestones parents tend to miss:

@thepedipals

♬ original sound – The PediPals (Pediatric Pals)

 

“If you have a newborn, one of the secret milestones is that they hiccup a lot. Totally normal,” she says. “The other thing is that they scream bloody murder for everything, right? It doesn’t matter if they’re hungry, if they’re wet, if they’re bored. It’s always just one setting, and it’s like, ‘I’m dying.'”

That one should help put some parents’ minds at ease.

“Four months is that stage where they’re super cute and smiling all the time, but they also grab your hair and won’t let go. And you’re literally bald because of it because they just pull all your hair out,” Dr. Sami says. “Between six to nine months they start to do weird things that you’re like, ‘Is that normal?’ They start to shake their head all the time or maybe they start to stick their tongue out a little bit? Totally normal. Milestone.”

Dr. Sami even busts some myths about milestones parents think exist.

“A lot of people think temper tantrums start when they’re like two and up. But, honestly, they start between 12 and 15 months. That’s a milestone,” she says. “Also around 15 to 18 months they all totally try to kill themselves every day. That’s totally a milestone.”

Related: 4 Things Parents Need to Chill Out About (According to a Developmental Expert)

Some other milestones she notes for toddlers are that they’re selfish, unreasonable, and picky eaters. For slightly older ones between ages 4 and 6, there’s the nonstop talking and asking “why” about everything. And for kids ages 9 to 11, Dr. Sami says starting to feel anxious is a milestone, but that parents should be sure to “talk to your pediatrician about that because if you don’t, it can get away from you.”

So if you have an app—like Tinybeans!—that tracks your baby’s milestones (or you find yourself checking the CDC master list over and over), you can rest easy—those are great signs of a healthy, growing baby, but so are things like hiccups and hair pulling, and your baby is probably doing just fine.

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement

The Kids, It Seems, Are Not Alright

By Jordan Reid

A few days ago, I got a call from our school nurse. I needed to pick up my second-grader, because her feet had “stopped working.” Apparently she had been on the playground when she discovered that she could no longer walk on her own accord, and so her very dramatic friends had very dramatically carried her to the nurse’s office.

Now, in my day the nurse would have taken one look at this situation and said “Go back to class,” but this being 2022, it was “Let’s halt Mom’s workday for her child’s very obvious audition for the titular role in Hedda Gabler.” I picked her up (literally, because of the aforementioned feet) and took her home, at which point her feet miraculously regained their function in anticipation of a playdate later that afternoon.

This is a silly story about feet, but what was actually going on with my daughter wasn’t about her feet, and it wasn’t especially silly at all.

The kids, it seems, are not alright.

In 2019, Erin Williams and I published The Big Activity Book for Anxious People, with the goal of it being a tool, an outlet, and (hopefully) just a really, really funny book. I mean, what’s funnier than crippling anxiety?! (Answer: Nothing.) The success of that book confirmed what we’d already believed: That it is important, even critical, to talk about our anxiety, and to put it out in the daylight where it can be seen for what it is. It’s also kinda a massive relief when you allow yourself to have a sense of humor about it.

When the pandemic hit in March 2020, Erin and I watched as our own children, and the children of our friends and colleagues, were sent indoors to be “taught” (poorly) by overextended, overwhelmed, and completely freaked-out parents. Our kids were given front-row seats to all the uncertainties and stresses and largely unsolvable problems that we would typically try to protect them from. They struggled with assignments; with isolation; with crappy WiFi connections; with a world that had been turned upside-down.

We wanted our kids to be able to communicate their anxieties to us. We also—so badly—wanted them to laugh.

The process of writing The Everybody Gets Anxious Activity Book (intended for middle-graders but 100% appropriate for younger kids as well) was—and I don’t say this lightly—transformative, both for ourselves and our children. Each day, when Erin finished illustrating a new activity, she would sit down with her seven-year-old daughter, Lucy. They would do the new activity together, talk about how it made them feel, and actually—in the midst of a global pandemic!—have so. much. fun.

I remember the day I gave my own children an early copy of The Everybody Gets Anxious Activity Book. I’ve written a bunch of books at this point in my life, and let me tell you: My children have never cared that their mom is an author. They super did not care that this book had been co-written by their mother. But when I handed them their copies, they barely came up for air before every single page had been completed.

They loved it.

The fact that they *enjoyed* the activities isn’t even the best part. The best part is that they loved doing it with each other and with me, and I loved doing it with them, and we all loved how the lines of communication between us expanded before our very eyes (and crayons). We would flip to a page about how anxiety shows up in your body (having to poop! trembly knees! sweating!) and circle all the sensations they related to, gigging about that whole anxiety-poop thing, because poop is objectively hilarious. We’d draw our personal Anxiety Monsters, and realize in the process that a thing you can see is way less scary than a thing that you can’t. We’d unscramble the letters to find out who else has anxiety, too…and discover that the answer is “everyone.”

So when I got home from school with my daughter on the day of the Non-Functioning Feet, and she suddenly found herself cured so that she could go on her playdate, it seemed like a good time to have a talk. “Remember the page in your activity book about anxiety poop?,” I asked her. “How anxiety can come out in all sorts of different ways?” She did. I asked her if there was anything on her mind that might be making her feel anxious, and watched as a light went on in her eyes: She was getting a shot the next day, and shots terrify her. We wondered together whether the shot and the feet had anything to do with each other.

“Oh,” she said. “So that’s how anxiety shows up in my body!”

…And that is why Erin and I wrote this book.

Jordan Reid is the founding editor of lifest‌yle blog Ramshackle Glam and the coauthor of the bestselling Big Activity Book series. Her hobbies include creating unnecessary complications, insomnia, and maintaining an impressive collection of fake plants. She lives in California with her two children, various pets, and a Roomba named Thanos.

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement

Great Gifts to Celebrate New Grandparents

by Jamie Davis Smith

To show your thanks for all they do for you and your baby, read on to find the perfect gifts for your parents and your partner’s parents. From sentimental gifts to practical presents that make spending time with grandbabies easier, this epic list has it all. Pro tip: Use this guide to get a head start on holidays and birthdays.

Say It with Style

grandmother and grandfather holding infant between them
iStock

Grandma and Grandpa may be style mavens or...need some help with a fashion update. A practical boost to help them look their best will be appreciated!

Sunglasses can elevate their style instantly. Eleventh Hour has a large selection of sunglasses in iconic styles, just perfect for all those walks and park outings they'll be taking with your little one. Their interactive website includes a questionnaire about face shape and style preferences so you can find the perfect pair. If sunglasses aren't your thing, check out the blue light glasses. 

To house all those baby essentials, Portland Leather Goods has a great selection of bags from totes for the Grandma who is always prepared to backpacks for the Grandpa who needs to leave the house with more than his wallet. Their retro collection might make Grandma upset that she ditched her favorite purse a couple of decades ago when it started to look dated. The retro collection uses vegetable tanned leather that develops a rich patina over time so this gift will actually get nicer over time. 

Whether Grandma is a big fan of Rosie the Riveter or Grandpa would rather be golfing, Lavley Socks has them covered. This affordable gift is a great way to show the special grandparents in your life that you took the time to find them a personal gift you know they will love. If the gift is a hit, start a tradition of adding to their sock collection on special occasions.  

Grandma may have spent her youth in dresses and heels, but chances are when she's home she wants to be comfortable. Miami Jogger Harem Pants from Buddha Pants are the prefect solution to upgrade Grandma's loungewear. And they have styles for Grandpa too! Another good option is Lark Adventurewear's Jersey Joggers with coordinating tees.

Sometimes becoming a grandparent means spending a lot more time on your feet trying to calm a fussy baby, chasing a toddler around the yard or going on family adventures. This calls for new and more comfortable footwear. Keen hiking boots or sandals fit the bill and will last throughout the grandkids' childhoods. As a bonus, you can get a matching pair for yourself or the kids. 

A Little Bling

iStock

Grandma will love to show off a special piece of jewelry her family got just for her!

Asha Blooms has a unique way to choose the perfect gift, with categories including gratitude and love. Tell Grandma how much you care with a "You Are Loved" necklace, or thank her for supporting you with a "Thank You" rose necklace. 

For a simple but beautiful gift, Delicora has classic styles from huggie hoops to pearls. Some styles even have magnetic closures for grandparents who may have a hard time with traditional claps but still want to look fabulous! 

A Tula Bar Fidget Necklace by Love, Dwayne from Patti & Ricky is not only cute but provides something for little ones to fidget with while Grandma is holding them. Choose from a variety of beads, including rose gold, and lengths to match Grandma's style. 

Pamper Them

Denny Muller via Unsplash

It's possible Grandma and Grandpa have not changed their personal care routine in years, so introduce them to some great new products that might make their morning and nighttime routines a little more enjoyable. 

Soo'AE New York has a fun selection of masks, toners and foams. Most are available in different collections, including rose, tangerine, lemon and cactus. Be sure to check out the Homme Collection for Grandpa, including aftershave, toner and more. 

The Gentle Beauty has hydrating lip oils, tints and more for the Grandma who may need a little updating in her beauty routine. Sometimes a simple change is all that is needed for a big impact! 

Varenti Beauty may blow Grandma's mind with their collection of makeup brushes that can make applying makeup easier. Even if Grandma wants to stick with her tried-and-true makeup brands, these brushes could help make her getting ready routine easier and give better results. 

For grandparents whose mature skin needs an extra boost, Raw Beauty Co. has natural ingredients that are good for skin like aloe, bilberry, cucumber, green tea, shea butter and jojoba oil. These can help relieve itch, reduce signs of sun damage and can help improve skin conditions like eczema and psoriasis. 

Eczema Honey products are full of gentle ingredients like honey, oatmeal and lavender that were designed to treat the skin condition. However, they're great for all types of skin that need a gentle touch or a little more hydration. Start Grandma and Grandpa off with a bundle so they can discover their favorites. 

Have Grandma and Grandpa been using the same soap for the last few decades? Introduce them to some fun new options that can up their cool factor with the grandkids for only a small investment. Zum hand soaps come in soothing scents like lavender, lemongrass and sea salt. 

Grandma and Grandpa have worked hard their entire lives. Treat them to an at-home spa experience with a Bags & Stella set that you can create yourself from a variety of candles, soaps and sprays. Grandparents may especially appreciate this gift after a full day or two of babysitting! 

Not sure what to get? No time to shop? Browse the Boxed Gift Co.'s lineup of curated boxes for any occasion. Grandma and Grandpa might enjoy a Tea Time Box, a Pamper Box or a Birthday box. 

Were you responsible for some of your parents' sleepless nights? Or maybe a lot of of them? Help them make up for lost sleep with a Silken Pure Pure Joy sleep set, which comes with a silken pillow and sleep mask. These are available in a variety of styles, including some that are Grandpa-friendly. 

Eats & Treats

Southern Caramel

Sure, Grandmas drinking tea is a stereotype. But it's pretty accurate for many of our moms and even dads! If Grandma enjoys a good cup of tea, a tea bento box from Tea With Tae will make a great gift. Customize your tea bento box or send a sampler. Once you figure out their favorites, sign them up for a subscription on a schedule you choose. 

Do Grandma and Grandpa always say yes to chocolate? Then a Chocogram is the perfect gift. Choose from bark-filled tins, marshmallows filled with candy, or hot chocolate bombs in a mug. They can savor these treats themselves or wait until the grandkids visit and share. 

Here is a cheesy gift Grandma and Grandpa will love: The Life of the Party cheese box has six award-winning Wisconsin cheddar cheeses. For something different, try a Bread Cheese Box. 

For anyone with a sweet tooth, Southern Caramel is an irresistible treat. The company sells both traditional versions and fabulous flavors. Apple pie caramel, anyone?

Life Hacks

tortugadatacorp via pixabay

If they're late adopters of new technology, you can fix that with Google Nest Audio. A pair of these smart speakers has incredibly clear audio, so it's great for listening to old jazz standards Grandpa loves. Even better, link up your Google Nest with Grandma's to form a household so that grandparents and grandkids can easily communicate with their devices no matter how great the distance between them. 

What about all those too-sweet moments—like your babe's first smile and adorably wobbly steps—you wish they could witness? Start a Tinybeans account and upload your photos and videos (we know you have plenty!) so they can share in the joy. All they need is an email address (no social media skills required!), and the photos will be sent straight to their inbox. It will be the highlight of their day/week.

If you want peace of mind in case of a blackout, give them the gift of light. These inPowered Lights charge while plugged in and turn on when there's a power outage. The Angel Lamp can function as a dimmable reading light or a nightlight in a variety of colors controlled by remote or app. That will come in handy when the grandkids are ready to stay overnight!  

Maybe Grandma is the matriarch of the family who keeps everyone together. Or maybe she maintains an active life in her golden years. Either way, she will love a Go Getter Girl notebook, planner or journal to help keep track of it all in style.  

If Grandma and Grandpa don't get out often, especially now that there's a lovebug at home to cuddle with, an experience gift may be the most welcome gift. Tinggly provides vouchers for experiences in a category you choose, from a minibreak for two, time together or best in the world. 

Cozy Comfort

iStock

What grandparent would not treasure the ability to cuddle with a grandchild every night? While that's probably not possible IRL, a photo blanket from That Blanket might be the next best thing. Choose a family photo or a heartfelt letter to print on a cozy sherpa blanket. Or go for a collage, which works great for grandparents with multiple grandchildren. 

For more traditional grandparents, the Wool & Astoria Throw is an incredibly soft merino wool blanket that Grandma and Grandpa can use as a throw or outdoors. Merino wool is incredibly easy to keep clean, making it the perfect choice for grandparents who may have messy grandchildren come to visit! 

Let's face it: Grandparents can get lonely or feel anxious as they age. A Lurea pillow looks like a trendy throw pillow but has a few hidden secret ways to calm and comfort. Inside is a beating heartbeat and a small heated pad known to help with anxiety. Outside is soft faux fur or shag that can be stroked for a calming effect. As a bonus, the pillow can be used to help calm grandkids who may have a hard time when visiting.

A Pure Daily Himalayan Pink Salt Diffuser with aromatherapy might be just what Grandma and Grandpa need to create a truly relaxing experience at home. Its wooden exterior fits in with any decor, and you can help the grands develop a new, relaxing routine for a mid-day break or at nighttime. 

If you are responsible for giving Grandma and Grandpa a few grey hairs before you became a parent yourself, let them know you now understand how hard it was. And give them some comfort in admitting you should have done your share of housework. This Crimson and Clover candle says it all with its message of "Sorry for My Teenage Years" and scent of unwashed laundry. 

A Grand Story

iStock

Grandparents have a story to tell, and you want to hear it before it's too late! 

Ancestry can help tell their story in two ways. First, get them an Ancestry DNA kit that will uncover their roots. Second, access Ancestry's extensive document collection and help your family trace their roots, discover the name of the ship your ancestors used to first travel to the United States, track down military records and more.

StoryWorth could be the most meaningful gift you give to the family matriarch or patriarch. Each week, StoryWorth emails a question for a grandparent (or two!) to answer. You can go with questions provided by StoryWorth asking about their life story or craft questions of your own. At the end of the year, StoryWorth will compile all of the answers into a book that will undoubtedly become a family keepsake. You can even include photos!

Heirloom video books bring your family closer together, even if you live far apart. Use the Heirloom app to load videos of grandparents spending time with grandkids and Heirloom will then send a physical book with videos straight to them.

Help grandparents remember their glory days with a Well Told mug etched with a map of where they grew up. Or, give them a way to trigger happy thoughts about their grandkids in a different city by gifting them a glass with their grandkids' hometown or birthday instead! 

—Jamie Davis Smith

RELATED STORIES

The Best Gifts to Give the Grandparents This Year

12 Games to Play with Grandparents

Gifts New Moms Really Want & Need

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement

How Your Kid Really Wants You to Behave on the Sidelines

By MOJO Inc.

My daughter’s soccer league called it “Silent Saturday.”

On the designated day, we parents are instructed to be quiet. No cheering. No shouting. Just applauding if the team scored a goal or made a good move. 

The league couched the request as an opportunity for players to make decisions and moves on their own during the game, right or wrong, without parental interference. But it also came amid reports of increasing bad behavior by parents—not necessarily in our youth soccer league but across the country, from parents running onto the field and interfering with a game to punching a referee.  

It’s concerning. How we as parents behave on the sidelines influences how much our child enjoys competing. When we’re supportive, it motivates them and encourages them to keep playing. When we’re too critical, or act inappropriately, we place unnecessary pressure on them or make them feel anxious—and that, studies show, can drive them to quit. 

So what is a parent to do? 

Ask the kids, for one. 

It may seem like a no-brainer. Cheer, clap, shout encouragement—parents assume we know how our kids want us to act. But it’s actually a lot more nuanced and complex than parents think, says Camilla Knight, Ph.D., associate professor of sports science at Swansea University in the United Kingdom. 

“Parents need to take the lead from their child and remember it’s their child’s experience,” Knight tells MOJO. “Although a parent might think they are being really supportive and encouraging, research indicates that parents and children often interpret or perceive behaviors differently.” 

That said, in her research, including a study she co-authored in the Journal of Applied Sport Psychology, certain behaviors stood out. 

Among her advice: 

1. Cheer for the Entire Team.
Support all the players on the team, not just your child. In the study, players appreciated seeing their parents clap not just for them but for their teammates. Said one of the players, “It makes you a closer team and you work harder together.”

2. Don’t Coach.
Unless you’re the coach, of course. When parents try to instruct their child from the sidelines, it is distracting and confusing, especially if the parent is shouting something that’s completely different from the coach. Should the child listen to the coach or the parent? 

3. Don’t Embarrass Your Child.
Keep your emotions in check and don’t draw undue attention to yourself. Players, especially teenage girls, reported feeling self-conscious about how their parents behaved, even if it was in a supportive way. You may think your daughter wants you to shout, “That’s my girl!” But think again—and check with your child first.   

4. Respect the Ref.
It should go without saying, don’t argue with the referee, or, worse yet, fight with the referee in front of the team. One player in the study said that parents arguing with the referee “is pretty disrespectful. It makes me feel ashamed that they’re doing that for…my team.” 

5. If Necessary, Distract Yourself.
If you find yourself getting too involved in your child’s game, find ways to distract yourself, Knight suggests. Volunteer to take photos or videos during the game, for instance. Put on headphones and listen to an audiobook or podcast. Chat with fellow parents. 

6. Make Your Own Game Plan.
Knight also recommends running through various scenarios and how to respond. Ask yourself how you’d like to see yourself react if your child gets hurt, if a referee makes a bad call or if the team loses. Anticipating these situations can help you develop strategies to cope.  

Knight acknowledges that it’s easy for parents to become too wrapped up in a game, given today’s hyper-competitive, emotionally-charged environment—made worse by what she calls the “increasingly professionalized culture” that requires vast amounts of time, money and emotional energy. “It is much harder to ‘just’ be supportive than lots of people think,” Knight says. 

RELATED:
What to Say on the Car Ride Home

This post originally appeared on MOJO.

MOJO is on a mission to make youth sports more fun for everyone — one kid, one coach, one family at a time. 

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement

11 Simple Ways to Help a Kid Deal with Anxiety

by Leah R. Singer

One moment your kid is laughing and having fun, and the next she’s overcome with fear (maybe when leaving the house or faced with an unknown situation). Anxiety, especially separation anxiety, is a normal childhood stage, but some kids need a little more help to manage their fears. Luckily there are plenty of techniques to help a kid manage these feelings. We asked around and got experts to weigh in on what (and what not!) to do. Keep reading to find out more.

Pexels

1. Don't reassure your kid that everything is fine. While you may know that's the reality of the situation, your anxious little one won't be able to understand the verbal platitudes. Resist the urge to reassure and instead show empathy. Tell your kiddo that you understand how she feels, and show her that you'll listen to her fears.

2. Get your child to relax before you talk. According to this NPR article, upset kids won't even be able to listen to your words until they're calm. Consider implementing yoga practices like deep breathing. These five yoga habits were developed by a kids' yoga instructor to promote calm and change the mood.

istock

3. Help your child learn how to manage anxiety. Anxious kids tend to get stuck on the overwhelming feeling of fear. Instead of trying to eliminate the problem, Dr. Clark Goldstein, a child and adolescent psychologist, suggests helping your child learn how to manage it. He says "the best way to help kids overcome anxiety isn’t to try to remove stressors that trigger it. It’s to help them learn to tolerate their anxiety and function as well as they can, even when they’re anxious. And as a byproduct of that, the anxiety will decrease or fall away over time."

4. Shift the focus from What If to What Is. According to Renee Jain, the founder and chief storyteller of GoZen!, an online social and emotional learning platform for kids, shifting the mental focus from the future to the present can help to alleviate anxiety. Jain says, "Research shows that coming back to the present can help alleviate this tendency. One effective method of doing this is to practice mindfulness exercises. Mindfulness brings a child from what if to what is."

Librarian Avengers via Flickr

5. Enlist furry friends. Family pets and toys can go a long way to help your little one feel comforted and calm. Whether you have a family dog or cat, or your child has a favorite stuffed animal, encourage them to spend some time with their furry friends when they feel anxious.

6. Have goodbye rituals. Kids are creatures of habits, and while they may complain about keeping to a schedule, consistency goes a long way to help kids know what to expect and keep them calm. Having a goodbye ritual is extremely helpful if your kid suffers from separation anxiety. Keep to a regular routine of walking each other to the door, giving a kiss on the cheek and maybe saying a familiar phrase. This helps kids realize that just as the routine stays the same, so will mom or dad's return to them.

istock

7. Help your child pay attention to his or her body. Mindfulness guru Mallika Chopra has written two books on coping strategies for kids ages 8-12 (Just Breathe, Just Feel). She says, "When you are feeling anxious, you often feel it in your body. Perhaps butterflies in your stomach or stiffness in your neck, perhaps pain in your feet or buzzing in your head. For kids and parents, connecting with feelings in their body can help them feel more in control and release tension. Take another deep breath in, putting attention where you are feeling unease, and imagine releasing it as you breathe out."

8. Develop a consistent bedtime routine. There's something about the dark that brings out fear in lots of kids. One way to calm an anxious child at night is to create a bedtime routine and stick to it. This may include reading a story together, brushing teeth, curling up with a favorite stuffed friend and going to bed at the same time each night. The routine and knowing what to expect goes a long way to help calm an anxious child.

iStock

9. Channel the anxiety into physical activities. These activities are a great way of redirecting the feelings of stress into a physical outlet. Daily walks or bike rides around the neighborhood are good ideas. If your kid needs a little more of a release, try a team sport like soccer or join a YMCA and enroll in gymnastics or martial arts class.

10. Encourage kids to express their fear through drawing or writing in a journal. Sometimes getting our fears out of our heads and onto the paper is a helpful way to help kids face fears. Just the act of releasing the fear can help an anxious child feel calm.

11. Recognize their positive strides. Struggling with an anxiety disorder is extremely tough for kids. So when your little one does something that helps them overcome their fears—even the smallest of things—recognize their effort.

—Leah R. Singer

Featured image: iStock 

 

RELATED STORIES: 

5 Easy Yoga Super Habits to Help Young Kids Deal with Anxiety

How to Help Your Child Deal With Social Anxiety

15 Tips to Help Your Kid Overcome Childhood Fears

 

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement

What Your Child Needs to Know before Kindergarten

By Alesia Netuk

It’s common for parents to feel anxious as the time nears for their children to begin kindergarten. A frequent question posed to educators is, “What should my child be able to do before he/she goes to school?”

It’s important to keep in mind that children are not expected to enter school with all the knowledge and skills they will learn in kindergarten, already in place. Kindergarten is a time filled with rich learning opportunities. There are some skills though, that support children’s transition to kindergarten and help get them off to a smooth start.

Many of the skills that will support your child’s transition to school are easily embedded into your day-to-day activities. Self-care skills, such as using the washroom independently, will help your child to be successful at school. Make sure handwashing is a part of this routine, too. Dressing and undressing for the outdoors are also skills that can be practised at home. This includes being independent with shoes (Velcro is a great option if your child can’t tie laces.) and doing up zippers on coats. For colder weather, it will be very helpful if your child can manage things like snow pants, boots, and mittens on her own. Although teachers will help with these tasks, there are far more students than teachers, so getting ready independently will help speed up the process. 

You can begin practising some skills at home that will help your child become comfortable with eating lunch at school. It is beneficial to explore lunch bags and containers that will work best for your child. It will be very helpful if your child is able to open containers on his own. You will also want to talk to your child about what types of foods he would like packed in his lunch. It might be fun and helpful to do a few “trial runs” where you pack your child’s lunch and have him eat it at home. You can also check with the school to see how many eating opportunities there are during the day, so you know how much food to pack. Don’t forget a water bottle, too!

In addition to self-care skills, there are social skills that can be embedded into your child’s day that will help her when she begins school. You may want to consider providing your child with opportunities to interact with other children, to get her used to being around groups of students in kindergarten. If your child has attended daycare, this may be something she is already comfortable with. Otherwise, consider opportunities for social interactions like playdates, day camps, or team sports. These experiences can help make the transition into a busy kindergarten classroom less overwhelming.

One of the social skills to focus on with your child is turn-taking. You can facilitate this when your child is with other children or even when the two of you are playing together. Along with turn-taking comes the important concept of sharing. These skills will be important in the kindergarten classroom and beyond. You can support turn-taking at home by playing board games together and can encourage sharing by asking to join in when your child is playing independently with his toys.

Another important social skill to begin teaching your child is compromising. With many students playing together in kindergarten, there are bound to be lots of ideas about what to do and how to do it! Navigating situations together where your child’s opinion is not the only one will help support their social interactions. It’s important for your child to have a voice but also important for her to know that others’ feelings and ideas are important, too. You can introduce compromising at home by choosing the game or activity yourself sometimes. Pair it with turn-taking, having your child choose the game or activity the next time.

It will also be beneficial for your child to know what to do when conflicts with other children occur. Support your child with expressing how he feels by helping him find the right vocabulary. Help him label feelings like “sad,” “angry,” and “frustrated.” Teach him that physical reactions, such as hitting or biting, are not okay. 

As you teach your child skills that promote her independence, don’t forget about self-advocacy. In kindergarten and beyond, it is important for children to recognize when they need help. In kindergarten, this may mean asking for help when they’re having a problem with a classmate that they can’t solve. In later grades, it may mean asking for a concept to be reviewed or presented in a different way so we can understand it more clearly.   

Supporting your child with self-care, social, and self-advocacy skills will help her to be successful in kindergarten. The other set of skills parents often wonder about is academic skills. While many of these skills will be taught at school, there are some that you can begin working on together at home. Early literacy and math skills are easily incorporated into your day-to-day activities at home and will support your child’s transition to school. Fine motor skills, which help with tasks such as writing and cutting, are also beneficial to work on at home. 

Alesia is a founder of PrimaryLearning.org, an educational website that helps elementary school teachers and homeschool parents with hands-on worksheets, activities and thoughtful articles.

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement

How to Protect Your Kids from Gaming and Gambling Addiction

By Sarah Daren

Photo: Jessica Lewis via Pexels

Parents must remain ever-vigilant so that seemly innocuous video games don’t serve as a gateway to destructive adult behavior for their children.

According to watchdogs, a growing number of children face the risk of gambling addiction. The online gaming industry—fueled by in-app purchases— shapes children’s spending habits which will likely last well into adulthood.

However, parents can protect their children from the increasing risk of gambling addiction by keeping a watchful eye on their kids’ behavior. By remaining watchful for addictive behavior, parents can protect their kids from becoming lost in the world of online gambling.

Get in Front of the Problem

Studies show that 70% of teens check their cell phones as soon as they wake up. So, what’s a parent to do in a world where kids do everything on their phone? The answer is to guide kids in developing habits that reduce their chances of developing addictive behavior.

Today, it’s challenging to separate kids from their mobile devices. Many parents introduce children to smartphones at an early age because it’s an easy way to track their kids’ location. However, it’s not as easy to control what kids do with those devices.

Parents can set an example for their kids by limiting their own screen time. For example, you can specify non-digital periods, where no family members use digital devices and participate in group activities. Shari Harding, an expert in mental and psychiatric health and professor within the online master of nursing program at Regis College says, “The key here is to look at the big picture: how much time is being spent on video games and is it excessive? Is it to the exclusion of other important things, like homework, socialization, exercise, family time together?

Are there other signs that your child might have mental health symptoms they are struggling to cope with such as anxiety, social anxiety, or depression or stressors such as poor school performance for which they are seeking an escape through gaming,” says Harding.

Children learn by watching their parents. Even when they don’t realize it, kids are developing their smartphone habits by observing how their parents use their devices.

Accordingly, parents shouldn’t check their phones while driving, exhibit poor digital citizenship—such as cyberbullying—or let their devices distract them from human interaction.

Parents should also evaluate how much time they spend on their devices. They should also consider whether what they do with their devices is beneficial for themselves and their family.

The Thin Line Between Gaming and Gambling

Gambling is everywhere. It’s in tourist destinations and, in some states, even local convenience stores—and it’s been growing increasingly popular online.

Gambling addiction is a severe problem. Financial ruin due to gambling addiction can lead some people to commit suicide.

In the United Kingdom, the number of 11 to 16-year-olds that physicians diagnose as problem gamblers have quadrupled over the last two years to 55,000 youths. Also, researchers estimate that 70,000 11 to 16-year-olds are high-risk candidates for developing a gambling addiction.

The UK Gambling Commission estimates that nearly half a million 11 to 16-year-olds spend approximately $20 gambling every week. Also, gambling enterprises in the United Kingdom have exposed 60% of 11 to 16-year-olds to advertisements through social media as well as 66% through television.

Still, parents are responsible for protecting their kids from gambling addiction. Accordingly, they must talk to their children about the risk of gambling. It’s better to talk about it now—before it becomes a problem.

What Are the Risks?

Gambling addiction can lead to a range of adverse outcomes. For instance, studies show that 90% of gambling addicts use cash advances to fuel their habit.

For some, gambling is a safe, enjoyable activity. For others, however, the insatiable need to wager irresponsible amounts of money in hopes of winning more leads to severe adverse outcomes. Also, people who suffer from gambling addiction typically feel anxious when they’re not betting.

In the United States, 2 million adults meet the criteria for gambling addiction, according to the National Council on Problem Gaming. Gambling can affect anyone, regardless of age, sex or socioeconomic status. Not all gambling addicts exhibit external signs of a problem, and 71% of people with a gambling problem do not seek help, according to the Journal of Gambling Studies.

Researchers link compulsive gambling with conditions such as bipolar disorder, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and attention deficit disorder, according to the Mayo Clinic. Gambling doesn’t cause these conditions, but it can make them worse.

“In any addictive-type behaviors, there can be a ‘transfer’ of the addiction from one thing to another, such as from video games to overeating to alcohol or vice versa,” says Harding.

With each generation, people become more entrenched in technology. In a world where wagering is the only difference between video games and gambling, parents must help children find a balance between the digital realm and the real world.

Of course, gambling operations should assume the responsibly of mitigating gambling addiction. Academics should also make an effort to discuss the risk of gambling with students. Ultimately, however, the responsibility is on parents to protect their kids from the dangers of the world.

Gambling is a serious but often hidden, social ill. For parents who want the best for their children, now is the time to speak up to prevent kids from making bad decisions that can follow them for a lifetime.

Sarah Daren has been a consultant for startups in industries including health and wellness, wearable technology, and education. She implements her health knowledge into every aspect of her life, including her position as a yoga instructor and raising her children. Sarah enjoys watching baseball and reading on the beach. 

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement

Parents, Watch for These Signs of Stress at Back-to-School Time

By Dr. Bradley Nelson

Kids are getting ready to head back to school, and many are feeling stressed. They may feel pressure to make good grades or feel anxious over social pressures such as dealing with bullies or making new friends.

Common signs of back-to-school stress include crying, headaches, and expressing fears about social situations or failing grades. Some stress is normal and to be expected. However, chronic stress can have lasting effects on children as they grow, studies show.

When kids exhibit ongoing dread, fear, or worry, it can indicate an underlying emotional issue—what I call “Trapped Emotions.” Trapped Emotions are unresolved emotional energies from negative life experiences that can affect a person’s health, happiness and ability to learn.

For instance, one of the most common emotions kids feel when it comes to heading back to school after summer break is anxiousness. This is quite normal; however, if a child expresses persistent and ongoing dread or worry as the start of school approaches, it may be a sign the child has a Trapped Emotion related to some trouble they have experienced.

Children can develop Trapped Emotions from events at school and family situations, or they can pick up on the emotions and stresses of others around them. Trapped Emotions can have an effect on children’s behavior, family relationships, performance in school, and health.

Some signs a child may be experiencing stress due to Trapped Emotions include:

  • A child who is normally happy and eager to learn grows angry, disobedient, and distant.
  • A child continually expresses dread about the start of school but refuses or is unable to explain why he or she is feeling this way.
  • Frequent complaints about stomachaches, trouble sleeping, and disinterest in activities that the child once enjoyed.

Children who have stressful and difficult lives are prone to having Trapped Emotions. But any child can have Trapped Emotions, no matter how much love they receive or how favorable their home environment may be.

Parents can help their children overcome stress related to Trapped Emotions by learning to identify and resolve this emotional baggage or energy. The Emotion Code™ provides simple ways parents can help their kids:

  • Determine if a Trapped Emotion is present.
  • Identify the emotion.
  • Release each Trapped Emotion and verify that it is gone.

To help adults and children identify and release Trapped Emotions, we developed a formalized process that involves asking a series of questions and getting the answers from the subconscious mind through muscle testing, a simple form of biofeedback.

Muscle testing enables us to tap into the subconscious mind. Answers are determined by measuring minor changes in resistance to pressure on a subject’s arm. Using flow charts from The Emotion Code™ we ask questions to determine if a Trapped Emotion is present, identify the emotion, and ultimately release it.

Another technique we use for identifying Trapped Emotions is the “sway test.” The person using this method stands still, with feet slightly apart and eyes closed and attempts to remain motionless. The practitioner then goes through phrases and questions organized in the flow charts. We can detect and identify Trapped Emotions by the motion of the subject’s body swaying forward or backward in response to these questions.

Parents can use these very simple and non-invasive techniques to help determine if their child has one or several Trapped Emotions, and to permanently release these unwanted feelings. Free instructions are available at www.emotioncodegift.com.

Helping kids identify and release potential Trapped Emotions can improve their overall happiness and ability to learn. Getting rid of emotional baggage can help kids shift out of fear of starting school or a new grade, stop worrying about upsetting incidents from the past, and be more relaxed, confident, and happy in the year to come.

 

Dr. Bradley Nelson
Tinybeans Voices Contributor

Veteran holistic physician and author of The Emotion Code, Dr. Bradley Nelson is an expert in the emerging fields of Bioenergetic Medicine and Energy Psychology. He has certified thousands of practitioners worldwide in helping people overcome unresolved anger, depression, anxiety, loneliness and other negative emotions and the physical symptoms associated them.

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement

How to Talk to Your Child About Emotional Health

By Patricia Roy

Talking to your children about their emotional health can be a daunting subject. Below are some guidelines to help you talk to your children about emotional health at every age.

Step One: Prepare. One of the first things that may be beneficial is to educate yourself about a few common mental health issues. Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, depression, and anxiety are the most common in children and adolescents. There are a lot of online resources available for parents, including one from the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, called “Facts for Families,” which has a one-page synopsis on many of the mental health disorders that affect children and teens.

Try to be comfortable and calm when you talk about mental health. If you are nervous, your child may pick up on your feelings and possibly also feel nervous or fearful. Take a few deep breaths, sit down, and then bring up the topic when you’re ready. It’s important to let your children know that you’re always willing to listen and you’re there for them when they need support.

Below is a general guideline for talking to children at different ages. It’s important to consider the developmental age of the child when you have the discussion, as that will guide you in how much information you may need to share.

Young Children: The best way to speak to young children about their emotional health is to be as simple and straightforward as possible. At this age, they will likely not understand a lot of details. However, they may have some questions around situations like when a classmate or friend is acting out, taking medication or in special classes. Answer the questions with clear but rather brief answers. It’s important to keep in mind that younger children often don’t know how to describe their emotions. As a first step, it is helpful to help your child learn the names of the emotions that they may feel towards different situations. For example, they should have a good understanding of what happy, sad, scared, frustrated, and mad means to them.

Older Children and Pre-Teen: As your child moves into middle school, you can start to focus more on the details, and be more straightforward in the way that you communicate with them. If you decide that you want to sit down and proactively talk to your child, try to make the conversation informal so they don’t feel anxious about what you are going to say. There are simple ways to frame questions, such as: “Have you ever had problems with feeling sad, crying without reason or being so nervous that you can’t have fun?” This is a way you can lead them into different topics. You should also let your child know that physical and mental health are important to how we function day to day. Just like you exercise to stay in shape, it’s also important to share feelings and worries to relieve stress. Children should also know that just like you can see a nurse or doctor when you are sick, there are therapists and doctors that can help with emotional difficulties they may be going through.

Teenage Years: During the teenage years, bringing up emotional issues can be a very delicate situation, especially if your teen is already in the midst of a mental health crisis. When some teenagers are facing emotional problems, they may be irritable, want to isolate themselves and not talk about their problems. Even if they don’t want to talk at that moment, let them know that you are available for them to come to you. Other teens are ready to talk about emotional problems and worries because they want to fit in. This is a time when you can assure them that their questions and feelings are okay and that there is help available if needed. You can talk to your teens fairly openly, though some of the topics like self-harm can be more challenging.

What if your child reacts negatively to the conversation?

If they are angry or anxious, give them space and try again at a more opportune time. If your child is already dealing with a mental health issue, they may not be receptive or willing to listen. Don’t force this discussion on a child, if you are unable to reach them and you are concerned about their mental health or safety, seek professional help.

Younger Children: Assure them that they are safe and that you are there to help. There can be a lot of misunderstanding around mental health. Your child may get frightened that they will be locked in a hospital or that you will leave them at the therapist office. It is important to let them know that they won’t be harmed and you’ll be there for them.

Older children and Teenagers: If they are acting negatively and don’t want to talk about things, let them know you are worried and concerned, and you care you about what they may be going through. Make yourself available whenever they are ready to talk. Or, you can help direct them to resources to read or suggest that they talk to someone who specializes in helping children and teens who may have problems at school or friends.

What can I do to decrease my child’s stress and anxiety?

Younger Children: One of the reasons for stress at this age is separation from family or not knowing what to expect in a new situation. One way to help alleviate this stress is to tell them what they can expect. For some children, the more detail you give them, the more comfortable they will feel. One example is when attending a new school, you can plan a visit and even meet teachers and peers. Reassure your child that you will be there at the end of the day. Routines are very important for younger children and help to decrease a lot of anxiety.

Older Children: Just like younger children the more you can prepare them for something new, the less likely they will have a lot of anxiety. There are also protective things that older children can do like to participate in sports and get involved in activities that provide social outlets. Older children can also learn to meditate, use deep breathing, and distraction as a way to reduce anger and anxiety.

Talking about emotional health can be difficult, but having this type of conversation with your children can strengthen your relationship. Because no matter what age they are, your children look to you as a source of comfort and strength.

This post originally appeared on Doctor On Demand Blog.

Dr. Patricia Roy is a board certified psychiatrist at Doctor On Demand, the leading virtual care provider. She has more than 15 years of experience working with adults, children, and adolescents, specializing in depression, PTSD, anxiety, psychotic disorders, bipolar disorder, and emotional disorders of childhood. 

Advertisement

Related reads

Advertisement