A mom is asking the internet if she’s in the wrong for asking a family member to quit gifting her daughter “boy” items

You can always count on Reddit’s “Am I the A**hole” forum to deliver some of the most jaw-dropping content the internet has to offer, and today is no exception. This mom took to the site to ask if she’s the a**hole for insisting that her relatives stop buying “boy stuff” for her 2-year-old daughter—even though she likes and wants that “boy stuff.”

“I am in a pickle,” she wrote. “My sister’s husband keeps buying my daughter toys and clothes that one associates with boys, and some of them are not cheap either. My daughter is two and she does take after her father and in boy clothing she often gets mistaken as a boy. My daughter does enjoy the toys, and I can see past it since I know he loves his niece. Her father does not, and I am sick of hearing his mouth and tbh I also do get annoyed seeing him treat her like a boy.”

AITA for telling my sister’s husband to stop buying my daughter “boy” toys?
byu/BandComprehensive301 inAmItheAsshole

She continued, “I would much rather he stop gifting her things, but he just cannot say no to her. I get it that I have a dated view but it is frustrating having people mistake her for a boy. I have tried to have a conversation with him, but he is argumentative by nature what do you expect from an autistic attorney? I hate the fact he comes at me with a logical response to my emotional plea. He is disrespecting my wishes as a parent.”

Already, oof. But it gets worse, because of course it does.

“I told him if he cannot stop buying her stuff then he cannot see her,” the mom wrote. “My sister is upset with me because he told her. I just explained I do not want my daughter to be viewed as a boy she is already seen as one. My sister told me to get over my issues and stop projecting shit on my daughter. So I told her if she cannot respect my issues then she is also free to never see her again either.”

She ended her post, “Our mom thinks I am blowing this out of proportion, but I feel as a parent my request was reasonable and all he had to do was respect my wishes instead of talking down and disregarding my concerns.”

What a doozy. Also, what year is this mom living in? Because last time we checked, it’s 2023, and the idea of “boy toys” and “girl toys” is beyond outdated. Especially if this poor kid enjoys the toys that are being bought for her, just let her play, for crying out loud.

Luckily, the people of Reddit delivered swift judgment on this mom.

“How vain of you to be more concerned about what other people think than what your daughter enjoys. Gross,” the top commenter wrote.

Another highly upvoted commenter added, “Jesus, she’s two. The uncle is being a good uncle by giving her things that he knows she will like. At two years old kids are genderless. And if you raise her to feel ashamed of the things that she likes you’re doing more damage than good. Who knows she may grow up to be very successful in a male-dominated profession like engineering because she was encouraged to try things and feel good about them regardless of her gender.”

Another reads, “YTA (you’re the a**hole). Someone who loves your daughter is buying her toys she likes. That’s what matters and everything else is just your weird hangups. You should really start working through this in therapy because your need to hyper-gender your daughter will be extremely damaging to her as she grows up.”

And we especially love this comment: “I once read somewhere: ‘Is this toy operated by specific genitalia? If NOT, it is for all genders to enjoy.'”

Needless to say, this mom needs to chill out and let her daughter enjoy her toys. And can we all agree that the idea of gendered toys is tired? Yes? Great.

This dad’s brutally honest tweets about what life is really like after kids are sparking an important conversation—and more parents need to be having it

Do we have too rosy of a view of what life is like after kids? One dad’s viral tweet thread says so, and parents are applauding him for his brutal honesty about the realities of parenting in the modern age.

Jay Acunzo started his thread by setting the scene: “I just spent 3 days with dear friends, all of whom have kids ages 8mo to 4y. Something I need to get off my chest about being a parent of young kids and the culture we live in.”

He continues on to write that what our culture demands parents share about their kids doesn’t match up with what they’re actually experiencing during parenthood.

“What the culture shares and even demands you share about having kids/being a parent is that it’s precious, it’s a gift, it’s a joy, etc. But this is not what actual parents talk about or how actual parents feel,” he wrote. “Instead…We talked about the fact that our physical + mental health had gotten problematic. Our careers had taken huge hits. Our friendships were drifting. Our relationships with our partners felt strained (one person summed it up as: they’re basically just the other parent I live with). We didn’t sit around writing Hallmark cards to the joys of parenting. We sat around going HO-LEE FORKING SHIRTBALLS this is impossibly hard and every dimension of our life got worse: health, finances, career, love, etc. EXCEPT a new dimension called Loving Our Kids (10/10 great).”

Acunzo even added that it felt wrong to be so honest. The voice in his head told him to “walk it back” and add caveats like “even though I adore them!”

“But the way the culture talks about parenting is not how actual parents talk about parenting to each other,” he wrote.

And then he made this extremely important point: “Parents ought to be given more permission to say multiple things are totally true at the same time, because we feel ashamed to feel bad about our experiences otherwise. Because yes, we all feel like dogsh*t during the early stages of parenting very tiny kids. Yes, we wish we had more time for ourselves and our work. And yes, kids are the reason why every dimension of our lives took a hit EXCEPT this one amazing new dimension. BUT ALSO…We wouldn’t trade it. We don’t regret it. I routinely drop everything to console or play with them. I would, w/o thinking, take a bullet for them. I’d arm wrestle The Rock — and I promise you, I’d win — for my kids.”

In the replies, many other parents joined the conversation.

“I think it also depends on culture – in the western world there’s a lot of emphasis on the “individual” sometimes at the expense of the collective. I grew up in Pakistan – our culture emphasizes alot on the collective. Multi – generational families living together, close communities , families , relatives etc – takes a village to raise children. Now raising kids as first generation immigrants in Canada – it’s incredibly hard without the family support network and I think part of the culture here is to almost force independence on parents and kids from an early age,” one commenter wrote.

And this very relatable comment: “I remember going to the playground as a new mom. All the moms were gushing about how perfect their babies were and how wonderful motherhood was. I went home and told my husband they were all lying. The parenthood culture doesn’t encourage honestly talking about the struggle.”

In other words, we need to make more space for parents to talk about all the realities of parenthood. Are there wonderful parts? Of course! But some parts of it just suck, and there’s no way around that. And it’s OK to make space to talk about that, too.

Here’s how to emerge from this stage of parenting with your nerves intact

When kids hit the older elementary and tween years, they’ve usually mastered some of the skills you dreamed about when they were toddlers: dressing themselves, picking up their gear, and making their own lunches. Yay, you’ve got this parenting thing down! And that’s when it starts—the talking back. You know, the mumbling under the breath or the angry swearing. Whatever it may be, as parents, it’s our job to deal with the sassy attitude in an effective and understandable way. It’s easy to opt for “because I said so” or “you’re being ridiculous” when you don’t feel like explaining yourself, but that’s not going to help your case. If anything, it might make it worse.

With that in mind, we asked therapists to offer their thoughts on how parents should deal with kids talking back. In hopes of making sure everyone emerges from this stage of parenting with their nerves intact, here are six phrases to avoid using with a kid who backtalks (and what to say instead).

1. “Because I said so..”

We’ve all heard this before, even from our own parents at one point or another. Sometimes it’s easier to use this phrase because it puts a dead end in the conversation. However, it doesn’t provide any reason or clarification for the answer you just provided.

“This approach completely disregards and invalidates your teens’ feelings about the situation which will only escalate their frustrations more. Giving them a reason for why you are saying no and then also opening the door for further communication about the issue will give your child the opportunity to feel heard and to express their feelings,” says Nicholette Leanza, LPCC-S, a therapist at LifeStance Health.

Let’s say, for example, you don’t want your teen to go out with a group of friends who might not be a positive influence. Instead of saying “Because I said so” you may want to say something along the lines of “I’m not sure I’m comfortable with you going out with this group of friends. Can we talk about it?”

2. “You can’t talk to me like that.”

This might be a knee-jerk response when your kiddo comes at you with a sassy attitude or starts talking back, but you want to try your best to avoid saying this. “When you acknowledge your teen’s frustration or anger, they will feel heard and, hopefully, this will help to notch down the intensity of their emotion. It’s also important to set a boundary with them so they are clear that the expectation is that they approach you in a respectful manner. Don’t forget that when you show them respect, they’ll reflect it back to you,” says Leanza.

For example, instead of saying, “You can’t talk to me like that” try to say something like “I can see that you are angry, but I need you to talk to me in a respectful way.”

3. “You’re being ridiculous.”

Just because your child is saying something that seems trivial to you, it’s important to remember that their current experience and feelings are very real to them. “This response can make a child feel ashamed or embarrassed for expressing their emotions, so it is crucial that they receive validation even if their behaviors don’t agree with yours,” says Carly Kaufman, MPH, M.Ed, board-certified functional medicine health coach and co-founder of GRYT. Instead, try understanding their perspectives and find solutions together.

A more helpful alternative would be to say something like, “Let’s talk about ways we can work together to find a solution.” According to Kaufman, this response shows your willingness to listen and collaborate toward finding a solution while still setting boundaries and expectations.

4. “You are my child.”

This is one of the last things a kid or tween wants to hear when they are frustrated with their parents. “Responding with ‘I am your parent, you are my child’ can create an unhealthy power dynamic between parent and child that leads to them feeling powerless. Instead of adopting such an approach, try explaining your reasoning while acknowledging their perspective as much as possible,” says Kaufman.

A more helpful statement to try might include, “I understand your viewpoint but this issue cannot be discussed further.” Kaufman says this phrase acknowledges your child’s thoughts while maintaining boundaries and expectations between you both.

5. “You’re too young to understand.”

Reena B. Patel, a positive psychologist, and licensed educational board-certified behavior analyst, says that this statement can come across as dismissive and condescending to children with a sassy attitude or sassy teenagers, dissuading them from further interactions with you in future discussions.

A more helpful statement would be more along the lines of “What would be an equitable solution to this situation?” “This statement helps children solve problems while taking responsibility for their actions while encouraging cooperation and compromise,” says Patel.

6. “Whatever.”

As an adult, you have the tools to communicate more effectively than saying “whatever.” “Respond to the emotion, not the verbal content. Responding to the anger and frustration behind the words addresses the core feeling and will help you to calm yourself down before you respond,” says Jeanette Lorandini, LCSW and founder of Suffolk DBT.

A more helpful response would be, “I hear that you’re angry. I’m here for you and will always love you. When you’re ready, let’s talk about what’s upsetting you.” According to Lorandini, this shows them you are in control of your emotions, you are a safe space, and you are there to listen when they calm down.

Related: How to Help Kids Express Their Feelings At Every Age

Carrying and birthing life into this world is a miracle. Our bodies go through so many beautiful changes in order for this to happen. Yet there is a cultural expectation for moms to erase signs of pregnancy immediately after giving birth. We are made to feel ashamed of our protruding belly, loose skin, stretch marks, and sagging breasts. We feel the pressure to immediately get our pre-pregnancy body back! When I’m asked how I was able to do it I simply respond, “I didn’t and I’m not mad about it!”

After carrying and birthing four babies, I have learned to celebrate and love my body unconditionally. I’ll be honest though, it took almost four pregnancies before I got to this place of self love. I finally started nourishing and moving my body from a place of love and adoration, which helped me to start enjoying my postpartum fitness journey. I changed my focus from achieving a certain weight, size, or shape to giving my body what it needed to thrive! It was this mindset shift that led to improved health, increased energy and confidence.

Here are 7 things I did that helped me develop a healthy and enjoyable lifest‌yle:

1. I took time to rest and recover. I took time to bond and enjoy my baby, while my body healed. I had a C-section with each of my pregnancies, so I was never in a rush to start exercising. Once I reached the 8 week postpartum mark, I started walking a few days a week. I started slowly, really listening to my body and only doing what it allowed. 

2. I focused on actionable goals rather than outcome goals. This means I figured out what actions I needed to take to reach my larger, long term goal. My short term goals, starting out, were to drink plenty of water daily, eat protein at every meal and snack, and to get in three, 25 minute workouts each week. By focusing on actionable goals, I felt more in control of my journey because I was in control of my actions. It also made the journey fun because it kept me from focusing on how far away I was from my pre-pregnancy size, and brought me to the present! My focus became about conquering each goal for the day, and that was doable! This also kept me focused on sustainable and healthy methods to lose the baby weight, rather than turning to quick fixes, jeopardizing my overall health to temporarily move the scale. 

3. I built a strong foundation. After a few weeks of just walking, I eased into workouts, really focusing on building stability in my core and joints. I learned the importance of this the hard way! After my third pregnancy, I made the mistake of skipping over this step and I ended up with a back injury as a result. I spent several months in physical therapy, to reverse the injury and build stability in my core. The hormonal changes and changes from pregnancy and delivery can cause joint dysfunction, especially around the pelvis, and weakness of the pelvic floor. That, combined with the separation of the abdominal muscles to allow for a growing belly, are a recipe for injury. This is why after Baylor was born, I made strengthening my core a priority. When people think core, they often think sit-ups are the best way to target it. Instead, it’s important to focus on strengthening the deepest abdominal layer, the pelvic floor, and hip stabilizing muscles.

4. I ate more protein. By increasing my protein intake, I was able to boost my metabolism significantly, helping to burn calories and fat throughout the day. It also helped to curb my hunger by balancing out weight-regulating hormones. I increased my protein intake by eating protein at every meal and snack, making sure to eat at least every 3-4 hours throughout the day. My go-to lean protein sources were grilled chicken, grass fed ground beef, beans and legumes, eggs, salmon and tuna.

5. I cut back on processed food. I tried to eat mostly whole, natural foods while limiting my intake of foods from a package. However, it was busy with four kids under six years old and I was breastfeeding a brand new baby. I definitely wasn’t prepping all my foods from scratch. To make the best choices I could, I made sure to read the ingredients list on the food labels. I would try to choose options with ingredients I could pronounce or understand, avoiding the big and unrecognizable ingredients that are more heavily processed and chemically altered.  

6. I drank a lot of water. Since I was breastfeeding Baylor, I knew I needed to drink plenty of water to keep my milk supply up. I also wanted to make sure that I was getting enough water to support my recovery from workouts, energy levels, digestion, and skin. These areas tend to suffer when I’m not getting enough. I carried around a 32 oz water bottle and refilled it several times throughout the day.

7. I showed up consistently. At the beginning of each week I took time to schedule my workouts like I would a meeting. I blocked that time off for myself. If something came up, I always made sure to reschedule my workout for another day or time. It wasn’t about being perfect in my fitness routine or diet, because I never was. There were also times I had to cut my workouts short to tend to a crying baby or needy toddler. What was important was that I kept showing up! It was the consistency that led to change.

I encourage you to celebrate and love your body for all it has done! You will be surprised at how far a little self love can take you. While you may not look or feel the way you did before having babies, I can promise you this. You are beautiful!  

RELATED STORIES:
How You Can Restore Your Postpartum Core
Genius At-Home Fitness Hacks for Busy Parents
10 Workouts New Moms Can Do at Home

This post originally appeared on The Lavender Lifestyle.

Ashley and Jocelyn have experienced it all being a working mom, stay-at-home mom, pregnancy fitness, postpartum fitness, fad diets, nutrition struggles, etc. Both are NASM certified personal trainers, certified nutrition coaches, and hold a B.S. in Health/Fitness management. They help women step into their power and become who they are meant to be, inside + out!

My daughter’s soccer league called it “Silent Saturday.”

On the designated day, we parents are instructed to be quiet. No cheering. No shouting. Just applauding if the team scored a goal or made a good move. 

The league couched the request as an opportunity for players to make decisions and moves on their own during the game, right or wrong, without parental interference. But it also came amid reports of increasing bad behavior by parents—not necessarily in our youth soccer league but across the country, from parents running onto the field and interfering with a game to punching a referee.  

It’s concerning. How we as parents behave on the sidelines influences how much our child enjoys competing. When we’re supportive, it motivates them and encourages them to keep playing. When we’re too critical, or act inappropriately, we place unnecessary pressure on them or make them feel anxious—and that, studies show, can drive them to quit. 

So what is a parent to do? 

Ask the kids, for one. 

It may seem like a no-brainer. Cheer, clap, shout encouragement—parents assume we know how our kids want us to act. But it’s actually a lot more nuanced and complex than parents think, says Camilla Knight, Ph.D., associate professor of sports science at Swansea University in the United Kingdom. 

“Parents need to take the lead from their child and remember it’s their child’s experience,” Knight tells MOJO. “Although a parent might think they are being really supportive and encouraging, research indicates that parents and children often interpret or perceive behaviors differently.” 

That said, in her research, including a study she co-authored in the Journal of Applied Sport Psychology, certain behaviors stood out. 

Among her advice: 

1. Cheer for the Entire Team.
Support all the players on the team, not just your child. In the study, players appreciated seeing their parents clap not just for them but for their teammates. Said one of the players, “It makes you a closer team and you work harder together.”

2. Don’t Coach.
Unless you’re the coach, of course. When parents try to instruct their child from the sidelines, it is distracting and confusing, especially if the parent is shouting something that’s completely different from the coach. Should the child listen to the coach or the parent? 

3. Don’t Embarrass Your Child.
Keep your emotions in check and don’t draw undue attention to yourself. Players, especially teenage girls, reported feeling self-conscious about how their parents behaved, even if it was in a supportive way. You may think your daughter wants you to shout, “That’s my girl!” But think again—and check with your child first.   

4. Respect the Ref.
It should go without saying, don’t argue with the referee, or, worse yet, fight with the referee in front of the team. One player in the study said that parents arguing with the referee “is pretty disrespectful. It makes me feel ashamed that they’re doing that for…my team.” 

5. If Necessary, Distract Yourself.
If you find yourself getting too involved in your child’s game, find ways to distract yourself, Knight suggests. Volunteer to take photos or videos during the game, for instance. Put on headphones and listen to an audiobook or podcast. Chat with fellow parents. 

6. Make Your Own Game Plan.
Knight also recommends running through various scenarios and how to respond. Ask yourself how you’d like to see yourself react if your child gets hurt, if a referee makes a bad call or if the team loses. Anticipating these situations can help you develop strategies to cope.  

Knight acknowledges that it’s easy for parents to become too wrapped up in a game, given today’s hyper-competitive, emotionally-charged environment—made worse by what she calls the “increasingly professionalized culture” that requires vast amounts of time, money and emotional energy. “It is much harder to ‘just’ be supportive than lots of people think,” Knight says. 

RELATED:
What to Say on the Car Ride Home

This post originally appeared on MOJO.

MOJO is on a mission to make youth sports more fun for everyone — one kid, one coach, one family at a time. 

Photo: Jaime Ramos Via johnnysspiri

I use the word “obsessed” a lot, especially when it comes to my five-year-old autistic son, Johnny. He really gets into certain toys, songs, and shows. It annoys my husband that I use the word so much. “He’s not obsessed, he just likes it” and to his credit, the interest comes and goes often even though he does fixate for a short time. 

The one thing—not even my husband can den—is that Johnny is obsessed with my stomach. The kid loves it. It can drive me insane, but something about it fascinates and comforts him. Sometimes it is in a silly, squishing my flab, way; other times it is him resting his usually restless head on it, or hiding his face in it when he is anxious or nervous in public.

I’m sure it stems from the hours of skin to skin as a baby, the comfort of laying on mommy as a toddler, and all the encouragement to touch and love on it when it held his little sister. 

The older he gets the more we work on the appropriateness of it. He’s still little, but attempting to lift up my shirt at home or grab my tummy in public isn’t going to work. He has to learn to respect my space and body. The moment I lie down when he’s around he goes straight for it. You will hear “no belly” often, in our home.

The thing is, sometimes I look at my belly in the mirror after the shower and think I feel ashamed of it. My 30’s belly is much different than the almost flat stomach from my 20’s. My workouts come and go, as do my healthy eating habits. I try but I’m also a tired and exhausted mom who has been through many ups and downs. 

So, I won’t lie, he’s not catching rock hard abs there, It’s surely a comfortable and soft pillow. 

The neat thing is he doesn’t see it as fat, or unhealthy, or shame, he simply sees it as mom, comfort, and safety.

No judgment, just love. 

My son loves a part of me that I find hard to, and that changes the way I see it. Don’t worry I’m not using it as an excuse to stay unhealthy or out of shape, but it is a reminder of my son’s beautiful, unconditional acceptance and love.

So when I stand in the mirror looking at that belly, I can say it’s the way it is because I carried two beautiful children in it and because I’m a special needs mom who has had some really hard days. It’s not perfect because there is not time for perfection in my life right now, maybe there never will be. But I am doing my best and that’s okay. 

I’m loved and accepted no matter what, by my son.

Johnny is different. The amazing thing about him is that he does not judge. He doesn’t look for the flaws in others or make fun of others, instead, he seeks. Seeks what makes him happy, and what he loves. 

There is something undeniably beautiful in that and I’m grateful for that unconditional love and for someone who truly loves my flaws.

This post originally appeared on Johnnysspirit.com.

Jaime Ramos, is a mom from Colorado. She's married to Isaac and has two kids, Amelie and Jesse. Jesse, her Johnny, is on the Autism Spectrum. She went to school to be a filmmaker, but now spends her days mainly as a stay at home mom.

 

Editor’s Note: Here at Red Tricycle, we respect and celebrate every mom’s feeding journey. Bottle? Boob? It doesn’t matter—we believe fed is best. Our Spoke Contributor Network is inclusive and open to all parenting journeys—yours, too!

Mama’s, let’s be honest, breastfeeding is hard enough! In my mind, my milk would come in on time and my baby girl would latch…. it would be magical like you hear. Ha! Wrong. From the moment my birth went in a way different direction than I anticipated, the more I realized everything I thought motherhood would be, just wasn’t. It was super tiring and emotionally draining from the beginning. It was super hard and nothing for me came easy… including breastfeeding.

After 42 hours of labor and winding up in an unexpected c-section, I was more tired than I could of ever possibly imagined and Amelia didn’t latch. Then I found out my milk was late. 10 days to be exact. Who knew your milk can be late? No one talks about this! So I started to pump to help force my milk in and hope she would latch.

This vision of me breastfeeding and creating a magical bond was not happening. I could barely move from my c-section and all the labor I endured before the surgery. I had no energy and could barely hold my new baby girl. I felt defeated. I felt like a failure as a new mom. I kept trying and trying, and she wouldn’t latch, and my milk was still not coming in. So I continued to pump just enough to get colostrum, and my husband would feed her with a little doppler.

We continued skin to skin and all the techniques to encourage breastfeeding. Finally, at 10 days or so, my milk came in…and wow, did I feel it. That was so painful in itself! However, at that point, I didn’t care about the pain, my milk was in! I thought she was going to latch because I now had milk! Wrong again! And now I had fully engorged breasts and latching wasn’t happening—at all! I was in a new kind of pain. I still couldn’t believe she wasn’t latching.

I finally reached out to my doula and midwife who told me it was completely normal, that only 3-percent of babies latch from birth. After having a birth nowhere near what I expected or wanted, I was determined to be able to breastfeed. So I began reaching out to the resources from my birth team. In came a lactation specialist from Goldilacts who showed me how to line up her hips and lips, to try to make it easier to nurse. She encouraged me, told me it was completely normal, and I was doing a great job! I didn’t feel like it though. I even had the boppy pillow with me at all times to try to position myself and her easier and still nothing was happening over and over! I just kept crying and crying and thought this can’t be the start of my motherhood journey.

I started researching and going online, looking at stories about moms trying to breastfeed, and honestly, I didn’t feel that much support. Regardless, I was determined, so I continued to do skin-to-skin, even if it meant she would just scream the whole time and maybe get a little drop. I was still pumping to make sure she was getting enough milk and gaining weight. So I knew she was safe as I continued to want and try to nurse. Finally, she latched a few weeks or so later; which honestly felt like an eternity!

Then came the judgment. If I nursed in public, women and men would stare at me, and I would end up trying to hide myself under covers or find a corner to disappear and feel ashamed. WTF! I finally got her to latch, and now I’m hiding it! This seems so backwards when I should be celebrating this huge milestone. On top of the fact, for me, this still wasn’t magical. I was still in quite a bit of pain—my nipples were torn up and bloody, rough, sore and inflamed, but I was doing it regardless.

After a few months, we were in somewhat of a rhythm. She was getting milk and was happy, so I was happy. Fast forward to 18 months into this journey that I never thought I would be still be breastfeeding, and here we are!! It’s pure magic! She’s thriving, and I love the bonding! We nurse everywhere and anywhere no problem. Milk is still coming in without pumping, which I’m grateful. She does a baby sign for it now when she wants to nurse and literally jumps on!! It’s like you never would have known she ever had problems latching.

So this brings me to my next pain point as a new mama. Please stop asking when I’m going to stop breastfeeding. Stop asking if it’s painful with her full mouth of teeth. Shouldn’t she be on regular milk by now? Shouldn’t you give her formula if she’s that hungry? Why doesn’t anybody talk about the benefits of breast feeding longer? Why is it when you go past that “year mark,” people ask you why and question you? It’s all shaming whether you realize it or not. Be supportive. Cheer us on. Let’s put an end to this and help to encourage other mamas to keep going! Other cultures encourage this, professionals recommend breastfeeding until 2 years old if you can. If you look up the stats all over, worldwide most babies are weaned on average between 2 and 4.

There are many reasons for it too: balanced nutrition, boosted immunity, brain boost, toddler independence, improving their health right now and for the future but also for mamas too—it can reduce our risk of certain cancers, like breast and ovarian! And right now I’m feeling empowered as ever to be able to still nurse her. Women can truly do it all! Our bodies are amazing! Don’t give up mama! You’ve got this! And yes, I have to remind myself of that too—especially when I am questioned about still breastfeeding.

This article was written by Ali Levin.

Ruthi Davis is a the Founder of Ruth Davis Consulting LLC with over two decades of success in advertising/marketing, media/publicity, business development, client relations, and organizational optimization for a variety of clients. Ruthi is a proud mom and influencer in the parenting and family market as founder of the Superfly Supermom brand.

Photo: Caitlyn Viviano

I used to love being busy! I would consistently overschedule myself starting as a young teen. From the moment I opened my eyes to the minute I crawled into bed I was working, going to school, volunteering, socializing, or a combination of all of the above. My “to-do” lists were long and my energy was high.

Then I left my job to be a stay at home mom and my life took a sharp turn. My first child never slept, had colic, and needed to be held or bounced around the clock. My days blurred into nights and there was no end in sight. For two years I was stuck in a thick fog that I couldn’t seem to crawl out of. This was not the picture-perfect stay at home mom gig I had always dreamed of. I was constantly busy but never felt productive, and lacked confidence in my ability as a new mom. My mind was constantly busy with worry and postpartum anxiety crept in to steal my joy. I was barely treading water. Then my daughter was diagnosed with Autism two months after her 2nd birthday and all our constant struggles started to make sense. It wasn’t supposed to be this hard 24/7.

I felt robbed of that “new motherhood bliss” I kept hearing and reading about. It was a pain that ran deep and infiltrated every aspect of my life. My marriage was strained, I didn’t want to leave the house, my career was nonexistent because there was no extra money for childcare, and every ounce of energy I had went to helping Chloe. Then I was blessed with my son Daniel, and he healed me in ways I never knew possible. He ate, he slept, he smiled and happily babbled. I felt like I could breathe again and feel joy the second time around. He taught me I was stronger than I knew, and autism wouldn’t break me but rather shape me. Chloe began to make great progress thanks to early intervention and an amazing team of teachers and therapists. I am eternally grateful for the help and resources we received. We wouldn’t be where we are today without them.

Fast forward and I now have three children. My son Levi was born last year and completed our family of five. He brings so much laughter and happiness to our lives and keeps us on our toes. Our house is always messy. If you walked in the front door on any given weekday you would see toys, puzzles, and legos scattered everywhere with a few dog toys mixed in. There would be laughter, singing, running, and a whole lot of chaos. We are home 90% of the time. Some days seem very mundane and I long for those productive workdays I once had. I am still always busy, but never seem to accomplish much either. Some days being productive means doing three loads of laundry, pumping, washing dishes, and doing an art project with the kids. While other days I can’t seem to come up for air or even brush my hair.

When my anxiety is high I decided to get down on the floor and play with my kids and remember how important this work at home truly is. The mess can wait. Making memories and snuggling them when I can comes first.

One day my “busy” will change again I will look back longingly on this chapter and give anything to go back in time. That’s the funny thing about motherhood, our kids keep us eternally busy, and exhausted yet so many of us feel invisible, lacking purpose and unappreciated. The world tells us we must do it all and exude bliss. Yet at the end of the day, it’s healthy to express our feelings, whatever they may be at that moment. We are human. We shouldn’t feel ashamed if we don’t feel positive emotions daily.

Our feelings are valid and should be heard. Raising tiny humans is hard! It’s okay to be a stay-at-home mom and miss the busyness and productivity of the workforce. It’s okay to be a working mom and miss the quiet morning snuggles and afternoons at the park. It’s okay to want more just as it’s fine to want less busyness. No one can tell you how to feel on this rollercoaster that is motherhood. Seasons change, children grow up, and our feelings evolve with the times. Ultimately finding others who understand the array of feelings many moms and caretakers go through made all the difference. It helped me feel less alone in this simply complicated life of ours.

Caitlyn is a military spouse and mom to three children and one fur baby. She was an elementary school counselor before becoming a stay at home who enjoys coffee, hiking, and playing in the dirt with her kids. 

Welcoming a new baby is a happy occasion—but the aftermath of giving birth can be unexpectedly challenging, especially when problems like postpartum depression occur. Postpartum depression is a serious issue in the United States. The condition affects 10% to 20% of new mothers and often new mom feel ashamed of experiencing postpartum depression.

Some feel the stigma associated with the condition or feel that they’re failing their child. For this reason, many mothers hide their symptoms and suffer far longer than they should. Or, they just don’t know that what they’re experiencing is postpartum depression.

It’s not always possible to prevent the condition, but studies show that a longer maternity leave reduces the risk for postpartum depression. It’s possible that moms returning to work too quickly can lead to feelings of guilt and other negative self-talk about leaving their baby in the care of someone else, combined with the stress of balancing a new baby and the demands of the workplace.

Becoming a mother initiates a huge shift in a woman’s life and sense of identity. Normal routines change, priorities are different, and lack of sleep can cause many new parents to experience mental health challenges. With all the emotions and challenges involved with raising a newborn, it’s no wonder some women find themselves experiencing depression, despite the joy of a new child.

And while many women experience temporary “baby blues” after giving birth, this typically subsides quickly. A smaller percentage of moms develop postpartum depression, which can last for much longer and be much more intense. Whether you’re a new mom, a concerned partner, or a friend or family member, it’s important to keep an eye out for the almost invisible signs of postpartum depression.

Coping With Postpartum Depression

To cope with postpartum depression, it’s crucial to know what to look for. Many women dismiss or hide their symptoms, and their partners and family members may not know what to look for. What’s more, many of the symptoms of postpartum depression are nearly invisible, as they mimic many of the difficulties new parents face naturally.

According to Dr. Mariea Snell, assistant director of the online doctor of nursing practice program at Maryville University, it is very normal to have a change in your mood just after having a baby.  

“The concern comes in when after about 2-3 weeks these feelings don’t change or get worse. Some red flags for postpartum depression are: feeling uninterested in activities that you normally enjoyed, being tearful, feeling guilt, expressing fear of being a bad mother, having difficulty with making decisions and change in eating and sleeping patterns.”

Classic symptoms of postpartum depression are sadness, hopelessness, feeling overwhelmed and inadequate, issues with self-esteem, and trouble connecting or bonding with the baby. New moms may have anxiety or cry frequently, withdrawing from loved ones.

Women with postpartum depression may also face severe exhaustion and difficulty sleeping. As many new parents are sleep-deprived, it can be hard to determine whether depression or middle-of-the-night baby needs are to blame.

Moms who are struggling with postpartum depression may be feeling hopeless, but there are ways to cope with the problem. Lifest‌yle changes, including getting more exercise, cutting down on caffeine, and practicing meditation are just some of the ways to reduce postpartum depression. If these modifications don’t work, antidepressants may be the best option.

Women should never feel ashamed about seeking treatment for postpartum depression. It’s time to break down the stigma. By taking care of their own needs, new moms will not only feel better, but they’ll be able to better enjoy their baby’s first years.

Risk Factors for Postpartum Depression

Several factors can increase a new mother’s risk of developing postpartum depression. Not surprisingly, a history of anxiety and depression is a risk factor. Unbalanced hormone levels also play a role in postpartum mental health. New moms and mothers with babies who have health problems or are very fussy are also more likely to develop postpartum depression, as are women who do not have a strong support system and feel isolated from other adults.

Many of these risk factors can be mitigated by a caring and attentive partner or the support of friends and family members. Women need to feel like they’re not alone and they need time to take care of themselves and have a break.

More Than Baby Blues

Postpartum depression is much more serious than the “baby blues” many women get soon after giving birth. Mood swings, crying, anxiety, and other symptoms are short-lived during the baby blues and usually last only a few days or weeks.

“If these symptoms do not get better or get worse around the 3-6 week point it could be time to consult with a provider. Telehealth can be a great way to connect with someone. You can get advice or care without having to disrupt your schedule,” says Dr. Snell.

Everyone needs to contribute to making sure a woman feels supported postpartum. Even simple gestures that allow new moms to eat healthfully or take a shower contribute positively to her mental health and well-being. Postpartum depression is a serious issue, and it’s crucial to recognize and cope with it.

Sarah Daren has been a consultant for startups in industries including health and wellness, wearable technology, and education. She implements her health knowledge into every aspect of her life, including her position as a yoga instructor and raising her children. Sarah enjoys watching baseball and reading on the beach. 

Photo: Gustavo Torres via Unsplash

I remember the first day I walked into the office carrying a pair of hand weights and a little under-the-desk bicycle. None of my co-workers said a word, but the expressions on their collective faces made it clear that they thought I had gone a bit daft.

I’ll admit, I do have my quirks, and my passion for physical exercise leads me to do things that occasionally draw funny looks. Over the years, I’ve learned not to concern myself with what others think. Besides, no one would look at me curiously for stepping outside even in the most inclement of weather to smoke a cancer-stick, so why should they find it odd that I spend my lunch break power walking around the building in the snow?

Being a mom of two tiny little ladies means that not only do I want to be in shape for myself, but also to provide a stellar example to my two daughters. So I had to get over myself!

Overcoming My Fear of Looking Silly

Like everyone, I hate when people stare at me curiously. For most of my life, I got fit like everyone else — I went to the gym, hit some weights, rode the elliptical machine and took a few Tabata and Zumba classes each week. But once I gave birth to my first child, and especially after I returned to work, I found squeezing in an hour-long workout most days of the week a feat on par with scaling Mt. Everest.

Working out only on weekends when my left me physically and psychologically miserable. My energy lagged. Looking in the mirror, let alone trying to squeeze my lower half back into my pre-pregnancy jeans, brought me to tears. I had to make a change before my ability to juggle a career and child-rearing dissipated from despair.

Since there are only so many hours in a day, I started researching ways to include regular exercise via sneaky means. And you know what? It proved far easier than I thought!

Still, my fear of judgment held me back. The thought of changing into workout clothes at the office intimidated me, even though my lunch break provided the perfect time to fit in a quick workout.

I started small, beginning with performing calf raises while waiting for the copier to spit out the handouts for the weekly staff meeting. I did butt squeezes discreetly at my work desk. While grocery shopping, I pretended to gaze at items on the bottom shelves when I was really performing a deep squat.

Making Room for Healthy Habits During the Workday

As time passed, though, I grew a bit bolder by bringing little fitness gadgets to work, starting with a fitness ball. I claimed the ball was to prevent me from slumping in my chair. In reality, bouncing away at my desk while I typed toned my thighs.

The first time I changed into my running gear in the office bathroom, I felt quizzical eyes on me when I emerged. But then, I thought to myself, “Hey, no one would look twice if I sat down at my desk with a cholesterol-laden Big Mac.” Why should I feel awkward for taking care of my health, instead of harming it?

Eventually, my lunchtime presto-change-o became commonplace. Sure, I still felt a bit off jogging past the smoking bench where several co-workers lounged, but I kept reminding myself that if they didn’t feel ashamed of unhealthy behavior, I shouldn’t feel embarrassed over my healthy habits.

Whenever the weather permitted, I got outside to run or power walk during lunch. I discovered a nearby park that helped me expand my outdoor exercise routine with monkey bar pull-ups and picnic table triceps dips. I’d climb the jungle gym, utterly oblivious to the parents no doubt wondering why I was acting like the world’s biggest kid.

I began to notice an interesting side effect. Previously, I’d always suffered from the 3 p.m. slump, especially on days when my little bundle of joy kept me awake into the wee hours. After incorporating exercise into my workday, I found I had much more energy to power through my afternoons.

Rainy days posed a problem, as did the winter months. It wasn’t long before I ended up having to take at least some of my workouts inside. I invested in a subscription to an online fitness website and started streaming workouts in my cubicle.

At first, my co-workers raised a few eyebrows, but after the first week, I let their puzzled glances roll off my back. During the second week, my workmate two cubicles down asked if I minded her joining me, which admittedly helped me feel less peculiar.

I started squeezing in mini-workouts outside the workplace as well. While standing in line at the bank, I’d do leg lifts and isometric exercises. I went from sneaky squats at the grocery to adding biceps curls with canned goods.

I found ways to fit more exercise into my social life, as well. Like many moms, opportunities for getting together with friends happen once in a blue moon. When I did get a kid-free evening, I’d suggest going bowling or dancing instead of sitting around a bar.

My fitness-on-the-fly practice has now grown to the point where I slip into yoga poses or perform a few squat repetitions regardless of whether I’m at the farmers’ market or my living room. My commitment to health matters more to me than what random strangers may think about my admittedly oddball routine.

Inspiring Others

My penchant for fitness has encouraged some of my co-workers to follow suit. Now, instead of kickboxing alone in my cubicle, I’m leading a group of regulars who gather in the conference room to get our lunchtime workout groove on. As a result, I share a much stronger bond with my colleagues as we challenge each other to stay fit and celebrate our fitness successes, like losing five pounds or going a full day without a smoke.

My advice? Never let fear of other people’s opinions hold you back from getting in a quick workout anywhere and everywhere. Once people get used to your quirky fitness habits, they will applaud you for your commitment to staying in shape. You may end up inspiring others to join you! And most importantly, your kids will have an awesome mama to look up to!

Jennifer Landis is a mom, wife, freelance writer, and blogger. She enjoys long naps on the couch, sneaking spoonfuls of peanut butter when her kid's not looking, and binge watching Doctor Who while her kid's asleep.  She really does like her kid, though, she promises. Find her on Twitter @JenniferELandis.